Lost You Once

Lost you once

After your death, Akechi struggles to make the right choice.

Goro Akechi x Reader <3k words, angst, P5R spoilers, acceptance of death, Akechi cries a lot>

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It’s the first time he sees you in months and it feels just like the first time he ever met you.

You’re lost in the station, looking around in confusion as you try to decipher signs that don’t look familiar. You accidentally bump into him and Akechi has to stop himself from letting out a yell, to stop himself from unleashing the culmination of a bad day onto some unsuspecting stranger.

Besides, you were already terrified enough, having gotten off at the wrong stop with little to no money left on your train card.

You chided yourself while explaining the situation to him- rambling self deprecating thoughts about being stupid for not refilling your balance, for falling asleep on your original train ride, and for bumping into him from behind.

He thought you were pathetic at the first meeting. A bumbling idiot, sweating with every word you rambled out- he had to hold himself back from letting his inner annoyance leak into his eyes.

Something about you sparked something strange within him. You reminded him a little too much of who he once was. And maybe that’s why he helped you that day. Why he bought you a ticket to Yongen-Jaya. Why he sat next to you on the train. And why he let himself accept your thank you gift of a half finished pack of gum.

Akechi made a joke that just one piece would have been less sad than a half eaten pack and he could see your lip tremble at his words. Akechi chose to ignore the strange guilt that came with the sight.

Following that, you promised one day you’d give him a proper thank you gift the next time you saw him. Akechi didn’t really believe there would be a next meeting, but it didn’t hurt to entertain the thought.

It’s the first time he sees you in months and it feels like the first time he saved you.

In another stroke of bad luck (or maybe fate), you find yourself falling into the Metaverse as you run away from some creeps trying to rope you into a ponzi scheme.

You’re terrified, shaking at the surreal and unfamiliar setting of a twisted version of Shibuya. From the corner of your eye you see running figures of blacks and reds. Out of instinct you hide, afraid of whatever monsters this strange world possesses.

That’s where he finds you. Hiding in an alleyway from sentient ATMs and shadowy businessmen. You’re just as scared as the first time he saw you, even more so in fact.

Once again he finds you pathetic, shaking like a leaf in the wind. But the sight of someone like you alive in the metaverse is a fascinating one he can’t help but admire. Deep inside he wonders if you’re different from others, but he squishes that thought.

He would have just killed you there, had you not immediately jumped into his arms when he first spotted you. Even worse- you had somehow guessed his identity under the mask- claiming the surprised sound he made was the exact same as the one from the train station.

He had every reason to kill you then and there, end your existence as he continued his mission to run away from the thieves, and no one would be the wiser as to where a pathetic nobody like you ended up.

Yet he didn’t. And that might’ve been the worst mistake of his life.

Because maybe if he killed you he wouldn’t have gone to dinner with you after. Maybe he wouldn’t have taken you home. Maybe he wouldn’t have spoken more and more with you.

Maybe if he killed you then he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.

Maybe he wouldn’t desire your touch through every hour of every day. Maybe he wouldn’t go to sleep drifting to dreams of you. Maybe he wouldn’t live the rest of his days craving your form.

And maybe if he killed you, he wouldn’t have lost you.

It’s the first time he sees you in months and the way you run into his arms has never felt so wrong.

The last time he held you, he knew it would be the last. He spent the day showering you in love, kissing you all over, holding you as to savor everything you had to offer. He wanted you to feel safe in his last moments with you, how you always felt when you were by his side.

Going into Shido’s palace, he had every intention of never coming back.

He expected you to be devastated. Spend days crying in your bed over his disappearance. Be upset, maybe even angry at the thought of him abandoning you for his selfish goals. He expected you would be devastated, but he also expected you would move on eventually. That maybe your anger towards him would turn to hate, that your upset would turn to disdain. That you would look upon his imprint on your life as a dark part you would never long for again.

It’s for the best, he said to himself. As always, he ignored the guilt that came with knowing he would cause you turmoil.

But Akechi never expected you to come to Ren, begging him to help him. He never expected you to force them to take you, for you to venture willingly into the dangerous world of the metaverse- just for him.

Akechi looked into your eyes through his red mask and saw a flash of bravery that was never there before. The spark made him stop in his tracks, pause in his monologue, freeze over as he realized the best of you only came when he was at his worst.

But the guilt is squashed as soon as Ren opens his mouth. And all hell breaks loose.

The battle between the thieves and himself is something he wishes you never saw. Seeing his humanity break, letting loose the feelings he tried to keep you safe from, his desperation to prove he was worth living-

He tried not to look at you throughout the struggle. If he did, he knew his resolve would fall apart and he’d do nothing more than cry in your arms.

As he stands beaten and defeated in front of you and the thieves, he still doesn’t meet your eyes. Even as you try and comfort him with words of love and assurance the ringing in his ears tunes them out. He doesn’t hear your chiding, your cries, and he certainly doesn’t hear the first “I love you” towards him that slips past your lips.

As he accepts his defeat and his own inferiority, he notices a familiar presence creep out from the shadows.

The foul words that his shadow spits out make Akechi want to claw out of his own skin. Towards the thieves, towards himself, towards you- horrible words and terrible truths fill the air. Things he tried so desperately to hide from you.

His killings, his past, his life as a living puppet for Shido to toy with as he pleases- all of it is laid out for you to hear.

He notices the pistol attached to the shadow’s waist and recognizes the glint in his empty eyes. He swallows the defiance that rises from his throat, the part of him that wants to prove the monster in front of him wrong. Through it all Akechi realizes this is where he dies.

Acceptance is what causes him to raise his own gun towards the him in front of him.

And when his gun raises, you run.

It happens in a flash.

Two gunshots.

One towards him, one towards the button to raise the wall that separates him and the thieves.

Two people move.

You push him out of the way, he falls to the ground.

One wall.

And he can’t see you anymore.

Laughter in a mockery of his own fills the side of the wall inaccessible to him, descending in tone as they slowly disappear into the floor along with the source. Your shocked gasps and painful winces follow in turn.

He screams until his throat is raw, pounding at the wall as he tries to claw his way to the other side. He promised your safety, not this.

You speak to him the best you can, over the pain in your stomach and the agony in his heart. Shakiness lines your voice as you chide him, telling him to shut up and listen to you. Through your sentences you cry. And you let out the second “I love you” directed towards him, and the first “I love you” he actually hears.

By the time he can reply with his own declaration you don’t have it in you to answer. And despite his acceptance of his own death just seconds prior, acceptance at his own survival makes him want to do nothing but scream.

The months that follow leave him hollow, an empty shell at who he once was. He watches from the sidelines as the thieves save the world. He watches from the streets as Maruki makes a mockery of Tokyo.

And Akechi watches as you cry into his scarf, scared and terrified just as he remembered you to be the first time he met you. He holds you and he knows this isn’t supposed to be. He shuts his eyes tightly, squeezing your shaking form.

Akechi brings you to Ren because he doesn’t know what else to do.

But Ren’s changed. There’s a new sense of melancholy that’s settled in his soul, different from the overwhelming grief that’s taken over Akechi’s. The first words he speaks explain everything about this ‘new’ him.

“So this is what he meant.” Monotone. Void of all the underlying confidence and ego he used to carry himself with. Filled with nothing but acceptance of something the two of you cannot comprehend. Ren urges the two of you to come inside Leblanc and sit with him at a booth.

Akechi takes the inside of the seat and you grasp his hand as you sit down. After a moment of silence you’re the one that chooses to speak first.

“Why am I here?” The crack in your voice makes Akechi want to shatter.

You look up at Ren and your eyes plead in desperation for an answer. Akechi can’t help but look away, staring at the table as he refuses to bear witness to the cruelty of your situation.

Ren sighs and twiddles his thumbs on the wood. “Maruki came by yesterday. He offered me something in exchange for allowing him to merge mementos and reality together. I-”

Akechi sees red and stands up, letting go of your hand, pointing an accusatory finger towards Ren. “So you let this happen? You allowed him to do this?!”

“I didn’t! But I woke up this morning and everything… Everyone was different. All of my- our friends are somehow in these idealized, contradictory lives. It doesn’t make any sense… And I- I don’t know how to fix this.”

“And why aren’t you the only one affected huh? He offered you something but you’re still here-”

“It’s this. He offered me this.”

The walls of the cafe seem to dissipate as you soak in the information Ren just revealed. Akechi quiets, eyes widening as his hands fall to his sides. Ren looks away, a grimace finding itself on his features.

“I just wanted you to be happy, both of you. All of us. You shouldn’t have been involved from the start y/n. I- I shouldn’t have brought you with us and I regret it every single fucking day. It was my fault, I’m sor-”

You reach over the table and place a comforting hand on his own. “Please don’t apologize.” Despite the sadness that laces your words you’re smiling.

Ren returns your smile with a solemn one. He turns to Akechi, “When you disappeared after it felt like that dream was as good as gone. I didn’t know you were even alive until today…”

“So by bringing me back Maruki thought that would…”

“Fix us…” Akechi cuts in and his hands are shaking. The anger that claws up his body is familiar. It’s visceral, and he still refuses to look at you. “That bastard…”

The two of you leave Leblanc shortly after, accepting an invitation to come back tomorrow to discuss the situation further with Ren. The streets are quiet as Akechi leads you home, holding your hand but not looking at your stare.

“Goro…” He doesn’t need to meet your eyes to know you’re looking at him in pity. “I…” Your hesitation makes his throat close. Are you scared of what he might do? Are you thinking back to the last time you saw him angry? The last time you saw him ever?

“I… don’t want you to accept this reality.”

“What?” The smile that finds itself on his face is a front for his disbelief. His eyes are closed despite turning towards you and that makes you frown.

“Look at me, Goro.”

He doesn’t want to. The last time he stared at you up close was the morning of your last. The last time he looked in your eyes was moments before your passing. The last time he looked in your eyes was the day a part of him died.

But your hand gently grasps his chin and forces him to drown. He can’t stop the tears that fall from his eyes as his eyes finally meet your own.

“Reject this, please…”

Akechi doesn’t say more because if he does it’ll be a verbal acknowledgement that you weren’t supposed to be here. He doesn’t say more because if he does he doesn’t know what’s going to happen to you.

He was supposed to be your protector, but he’s reduced to a shaking child desperate to cling onto the one source of love in his life. The more you take him into your hold the more he crumples, letting out sobs in a reply he can’t bring himself to speak. He must look pathetic, he thinks to himself.

“I-”

Your hand comes to his head, caressing his hair as he cries. Through sniffles and hiccups he allows himself to hug you back.

“I’m so, so sorry,” His voice is lined with water as he feels himself begin to grovel.

“I know,” your voice is soft yet all it serves is to intensify his turmoil.

“I don’t want to lose you again, I-”

“It’s alright.”

“Is it selfish that I want to say no?”

You pull away from him, holding him by the shoulders and looking up at him with your wonderful, shining eyes.

“It’s not selfish Goro. It’s just love.”

You kiss him, and your lips are just as soft as he remembers them to be. The same lips that would bring him out of nightmares and darkness. The same lips that would manifest a sense of love for himself that never existed without your presence. It’s innocence that lines your movements, just like the innocence that has followed you since the first day he ever met you.

When you draw back to take a breath he finds himself chasing after you in desperation. His hand comes to your chin as he tries to pull you closer to him, to try and merge your souls so yours can’t escape from his again.

There’s a sick feeling in his stomach that if your lips represent innocence, his represents the ever growing darkness seeping out from within him. With the merger of your love, Akechi doesn’t want to know if the product is something that can withstand what has to come next.

His lips supplement all the words he refuses to say. They pour apologies into your being and with every movement he hopes you understand just how much he missed you and how much he needed you.

When you part you’re panting, staring up at him in awe and wonder and it makes him want to sob.

“I…” Akechi wants to move away from your gaze, from any possible judgment he feels you may let out. Ironically, it’s the intensity of your look that keeps him chained to eye contact. “I cannot live in a world without you.”

“But you have to.”

He can’t bring himself to say that he knows but you know it’s there anyways.

“It’s going to be okay Goro.”

“How do you know that? It hasn’t been okay since… I haven’t been okay since.”

“I know because I believe in you,” your thumb rubs his cheek, red from the cold and tears. “I know you think that what happened is your fault but it was my choice Goro. You can’t take that away just so you can deny yourself the chance to live.”

The shine in your eyes is unmistakable. The same look you gave him before he never saw you again, bravery. Akechi grabs your hand because he knows what’s going to happen next.

“You can’t do this,” he chokes up, “You can’t sacrifice yourself again for me.”

You take a step back, still holding onto his cheek and looking at him with those incredible, shining eyes. “I love you, Goro.”

“I love you too. I love you, I love you, I-” He hopes if he repeats it enough it’ll convince you to stay.

“And because I love you, I can’t stand to see you this way.”

You kiss his cheek for one more time and whisper in his ear.

“Live your life Goro. Help Ren and save the world. And when we see each other again, tell me everything,” your lips leave his cheek so gently it's like you were never there.

“I will, I promise, I promise you I will,” his gaze glosses over as he takes in all of your form. Your warmth, your eyes, your kindness, your lips, your bravery, your smile, all of you. Akechi closes his eyes and there’s a silent I love you that doesn’t need to be said.

The embrace of your arms dissipates, his hand closes around nothing, and all that’s left in your wake is the glitter of sparkle and shine. It’s the last time he ever sees you in this life, but it’s nothing like the first time he lost you.

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RAHHHHHHh !!!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this !!!! I enjoyed writing this GOD I LOVE MT BAB TGEFUWHFIWEHFJQI !!!

These two would immediately suss each other out and hate the other one's guts :D

More joker cat, as promised :3

Reading from left to right

I also just want to draw Black Mask has cat joker at gunpoint :3

NSFW Headcanons!

Pairing: ( Loid Forger and Yuri Briar x f!reader )

Rated 18+ , proceed with caution

LOID FORGER;

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A softie, and a gentleman outside but in bed, he's a complete different man.

Has handcuff and roleplay kinks.

"Nobody's bailing you out baby, so how about we pass some time in...private?" him as a cop on top and you as a thief below him - one of his fav plays.

Aside the roleplay fun, he's into either cuffing your hands on each side of the bed or above the bed before hitting you in the missionary position.

' Fuck !' whimpers in your ear on purpose. As a man, he just doesn't hesitate to moan.

And it sounds extra hot for some personal reason.

He has a praise kink. He just LOVES being praised by you when you're riding him. And that's why he prefers being bottom most of the time.

Hates the term 'Daddy' and 'Mommy' cause parents issue. It's either honey or baby for him.

Has a habit of spanking your ass with his lengthy and veiny hand before slipping inside. Only when the position is doggy.

Actually hates the 'doggy-position' but you cum real quick in that stance, so whenever he's in for a quickie, he'll go for the doggy style.

The speed and durality is INSANE. Lasts for 4 whole rounds.

"Beg." oh the panty vibrator- He carries the controller with him everyday and whenever he's in for some mischief, he'll cutely convince you to wear them only for you to suffer in the end.

Actually knows how to turn you on with his knee; the way he's so tall, the way he presses it in between your thighs and makes circles, the way it rubs on your heat back and forth--- lord have mercy.

No pills! He had heard that pills has a negative and dangerous side-effect on women somewhere and he doesn't want you to suffer. Although it's barely true for most females.

So he uses condom for protection and tries his best to avoid you from going in for pills.

Gentle in every sex position.

And his aftercare game is strong asf. Makes sure you're warm and cozy, all cleaned up, and if you're in pain, he'll place a hotbag on your belly before cuddling you to sleep.

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YURI BRIAR;

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"I wannaaaa have sexxxx!" whenever he's drunk, he's crazyyy.

And boy, the head he gives is soo---- damn pleasing to the point where he can actually make you squirt.

Cause he eats you out in a way as if your pussy is the best fucking thing he has ever had.

Has licked tequila off your chest and nipples once. NEVER again cause your nipples ended up burning so bad.

Wall sex is his thing. Can effortlessly bounce you up and down on his dick.

"Fuckin' slut, is that how you suck a dick?" he seems like a 'sweetie' outside but trust me when I say his mouth just automatically degrades you. Cops instincts kicking in.

Doesn't like being degraded by you though. He'll definitely cry.

Also has a breeding kink. Cumming inside a condom isn't enough, he NEEDS to do it inside you.

"How about we give Anya a cousin brother, or even a sister?~" but only if you're ready. Makes sure he actually doesn't impregnate you without consent just because he has a breeding kink.

Is also into risky sex.

Like sex inside his office without the door being locked. Funny how he once made you suck him dry from below his desk when he was dealing with his boss.

"Yor was soo embarrassed when told her! She was acting as if she's a virgin or smth, hahaha!" man loves to brag about his sex life to his sister.

Says he's in a 'competition'. Perhaps a way to indirectly show his jealousy regarding Loid since he's soo handsome. Yuri fears that Loid might charm you too.

"You see these marks on my back? These hickies? I please her in a way no man ever can, you hear me Loid Forger?? Only I can make her moan and squirt. You could neverrr," sometimes, he takes it a little too far but let him romanticize you in his own way.

Sucks at aftercares! Peppers your face with kisses for 7 seconds and instantly lays on your side to sleep. No cuddles, fuck him!

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Goro and Akiren's names meaning

So, I've been going through a website for Japanese baby names with their written Kanji meanings too, for a future Akeshu post. and this also required me to visit the Megami Tensei Wiki of our boys to look at what their names mean and---

Akiren and Goro's parents had very different thought processes of importance when naming their newborns and it shows.

(no offense to any Japanese born with the name Goro, spelt with the same Kanji as P5's Goro, I just find this funny. This is purely making fun of a fictional character)

If you're on team Ren Amamiya for P5 Protagonist's name. You already probably know "Amamiya" means "Rain Palace". But what about "Ren"?

The Amamiya's named their son "蓮/Ren", which means "Lotus".

A Lotus flower is a symbol of purity, or "Strength, Resilience, or Rebirth".

For team "Akira Kurusu"

Kurusu means "Chestnut Grove". "Su" = "Nest" or "Grove", "Kuru" = "to come"

"Akira" spelt like this 暁

Means: "Daybreak" or "Dawn", or any form of "bright"

hey, maybe the Kurusu"s named their son after the time he was born.

and then there's Akechi----

The Surname 明智/Akechi (apparently read as "Meichi"??), is an uncommon spelling and means "Wisdom and Sagacity"

That's nice, fitting. Nothing wrong with that.

Now what about Pancake-boi"s first name?

Goro

Depending on what text characters you use, "Go" can mean "five" or "I, my, me, myself".

"Ro" means "Son, or Young Man"

the Kanjis for Goro"s name is indeed 吾郎

吾/Go = I, My, Me, Myself

郎/Ro = Son, Young Man.

MamaKechi really just named her newborn "My Son".

Alternate spelling with a diffferent "Go" Kanji, isn't any better

五 and 伍 = Go (the characters can also be read as Itsu-tsu, or Kumi) translate as "Five", so alternatively he would be named "Fifth Son", which wouldn't make too much sense on Mother's part because Goro is an only child on her side.

On Shido's end though, given his interaction with Women, who knows how many One Night Stand or One Sided Encounters that ended in children being born he's had at this point. Goro could be "Unintentional Half Child" number 5 or higher for all we know. But MamaKechi wouldn't know that.

Point is, why is the P5 fandom only roasting this man for his infamous "Delicious Pancakes" screw up, but not taking advantage of the endless potential of his first name meaning "My Son"?

Because, me personally, I find that hilarious. Oh, if the Phantom Thieves learned that they could tease him mercilessly to the point he drops the Goro entirely when introducing himself to new people.

the possibilities are endless!

Extra: His name being a nod to Kogoro Akechi, a fictional Detective isn't any better. "Kogoro" uses the "Fifth Son" Kanjis, with "Ko" meaning "Small, Tiny, Little". Inspired by a Detective from a mystery novel or not, his namesake inspiration could be translated as meaning "Tiny fifth son"

I don't know if your requests are still open but like

Sick Yuri briar headcannons askdkndjs

I rewatched spy x family and fell(literally) in love with him again 😭

Mhn they're still open ^^ Also like he's so adorable ailsjvbalivs sorry that this is a little late my brain went into overdrive when I saw your request, so much so that it was like it suddenly gave the blue screen of death that you can sometimes get with computers xD but I will go ahead and start the headcanons ^-^

Warnings: Again none just a sick Yuri Briar, kinda short also ^^"

Sick! Yuri Briar headcanons

Poor Yuri, I have a feeling he doesn't get sick often but when he does it's bad...like bad bad, he get's very sleepy too.

He also gets pretty clingy like his sister when sick, however I can also see him being more whiney as well.

Will definitely act as if he wasn't whiney the entire time when he gets better though.

Yuri will take his medicine pretty easily but he'll complain about the taste of it, whether it's because it's not the flavor that he likes (aka what he tolerates the most) or because it just tastes terrible.

Will be sad if you aren't giving him like 99% of your attention, the other 1% is when he's asleep.

He will only take his medicine if either you or his sister Yor (if she's visiting at the time) give it to him, because of how much he dislikes it.

Cuddle him and he won't let you go, you are there now and you don't get to get up unless you want an agitated sick Yuri. Just resign(?) and run your hand though his hair while he sleeps.

I hope you and everyone enjoys this, lmk if you want me to rewrite this and I will ^-^ Have a wonderful day ^^