Aziraphale And Crowley Have That Type Of Dynamic Where:

Aziraphale and Crowley have that type of dynamic where:

One of them will say something that sounds profound, but is really stupid

And the other will agree completely, even if they know it’s fucking ridiculous

Sorry for double posting but APPARENTLY those commission scammers have showed up on Tumblr at least for the first time for me.

For those who don’t know what I am talking about, there were/are commission scams going on in Instagram and even places like Artstation where people would pretend to be interested in your work and try to commission a pet or portrait for the sake of trying to get your bank details. Here’s how to (somewhat) sniff them out:

1- They don’t seem to be an average customer/ person that would be involved in your fandom, or has a blank template for an account or don’t even follow you.

2- They ask you to draw a portrait or a pet picture either for themselves or their children/family.

3- They promise to overpay you (in the hundreds) and do not listen to you even if you firmly state the price is cheaper.

4- They are constantly asking for your email name, or private details regarding things like banking details or passwords or other private information others should not know.

5- They try and over reassure you they mean no harm, try to guilt you into giving them the info, or become aggressive over you not giving them what they want.

What should you do if you come across one of these guys? My best advice is to block and report. Sadly these people jump account to account so there isn’t really much to do other than spread this info to prevent artists from being scammed.

Picture this:

It’s medieval times and there is a king who just can’t seem to be entertained by any old jester.

Each one plays the same silly game of charades with him, or tries to impress him with tricks. He’s grown tired of it by now. But he doesn’t execute the ones who fail to bring him to laugh, he simply shoos them out of his castle, and if they refuse to leave, he’ll get the guards. Easy enough. No blood is spilled or on his hands.

One day, it comes to the king’s attention that there is a jester providing “special” services to kings and queens alike who find themself bored with normal jesters. It was brought to him via a guard who saw a poster up in the town. The king mulled over the idea in his head, staring at the poster. There was black text on it that read:

“Jester services. From when the sun touches the horizon to when it rises for the next day, any king or queen may rent a jester for the most low price of 2 coins. The jester will jest whatever and however they want. But only for the night.”

Below it was an ink printed jester’s face, it was smiling, and had small hearts around it.

The king thought about it for a couple of days. He paced in front of his throne, before approaching a guard. He put the folded poster in their hand, and two golden coins. “Go. Into the village. Find this place.” The king said to the guard. While jarred, the guard complied. And walked from the castle to the local village.

It didn’t take them long to find where the place of the jester services resided. They knocked on the door.

A disheveled man in commoner clothes opened the door. “Yes?” He said blankly. “Two gold coins for you, sir. From the king.” The guard held their hand out while speaking. The man immediately grabbed the coins, thanked the guard, and closed the door.

That night, as soon as the sun dipped itself into the trees, there was a knock on the castle doors. A jester in pink and white walked through, wandering his way down the halls. A guard eventually found him, and asked, “Are you looking for the king?”

“Yes, I am.” The jester replied.

That guard very politely guided him down an ivory hall. Paintings of kings and queens before this very era hung on the walls. Intricately sculpted pillars held the ceiling.

The guard called to the king from inside his room, “Your Majesty, the jester is here!”

A king in a silk purple robe told the guard to open the door, he welcomed the jester inside. As he stepped in, the door instantaneously shut behind him. His eyes flicked between looking behind him and at the king. “My lord.” The jester bowed. “Please, just call me King.” The king requested. Not wanting to leave a bad impression, the jester nodded, “My king.”

This made the king smile. “Please, sit.” He told the jester, patting his bed gently. He took a few steps before sitting on the edge. “Tell me, do you do this alone?” The king asked. “Yes, I do.” The jester replied. The king looked to the other man, “Do you get much business from this?” He inquired with a low voice. “Ah…” He did not want to admit it, but the jester was indeed going into debt, “Not much.” He finally said. “Why do you do it?” The king almost whispered. Another hard question, the jester wasn’t sure how to answer. “Do you enjoy it?” The king pressed further. “…No.” The other man told him. He fidgeted with his hat’s bells. “Is it…hard?” The king asked softly. The jester glanced at the king, “At times.”

“You are free to stop at any time, no?” The king adjusted his robe, crossing his arms. “No, I cannot. I need the money.” The jester said, a grim tone laced his words. The king offered his hand to the jester beside him, “Take my hand.”

He did as the king told him, and placed his hand in his. He held onto it with a tender firmness that the jester hadn’t quite known yet. The king placed his other hand over the jester’s. His cold, silver rings gracing his skin. “You are a beautiful man. You should not live like this.” The king told the jester, “You should have anything you desire.” He smiled warmly. “Anything you want, just for while you’re here.” The king added, carefully placing his lips upon the jester’s hand. The jester felt his face become warm, and there was one thing he requested from the king. “I would appreciate some good food.”

jack of no trades. master of fuck all

We need this for every animated movie ong

I used to love those

Imagine an ending of Slay the Princess where the Narrator gets ignored so hard in the first two chapters, that he just dips

Like he just leaves the voices on their own to meld the world as they see fit

It would be utter chaos, also I imagine everything as drawn in sketch.

Hero: Okay, since he’s gone, I’ll narrate. We’re on a path—

(A path appears)

Hero: …In the woods.

(Trees appear around the path)

Hero: And at the end of that path, is a cabin.

(A cabin appears at the end of the path)

Hero: And in the basement of that cabin is a princess?

Contrarian: What if one of us was in the basement?

Smitten: No one can replace our beloved! What if she was here right now?

(Everything disappears and it’s just the princess)

Smitten: Oh! There she is!

Hero: No, no. That’s not right. She’s in the cabin—

(The cabin appears again)

Hero: Which is at the end of the path.

(The path appears again)

Hero: And the path is in the woods.

(The woods appears again)

Hero: And that’s how it should be.

Paranoid: But what if that’s only how we perceive it to be. Everything could be wrong. What if the narrator messed up, and your saying the wrong things?

Hero: I’m not. I’ve heard it time and time again. I didn’t get it wrong.

Contrarian: What about the blade? You reckon we still need the blade? You didn’t say we need to slay the princess.

Hero: Oh…uhm…

Smitten: That’d be just fine with me! Our beloved can run straight into our arms! No blades in the way!

(Image of the princess running into the player(or bird boy, or the main character, etc.)’s arms)

Cold: I say we grab the blade and stab ourselves.

(Image of the player taking the blade and putting it above their heart)

Hero: We’re not doing any of that. We have the path, the woods, and the cabin at the end of the path in the woods.

(All of that appears again)

Hero: No buts.

Skeptic: This is a bunch of bullshit. We get free rein and you wanna just stick to what the narrator says? We can make our own rules!

Hero: That’s not how it works—

Opportunist: Yeah! Let’s make our own world! One for all…(quiet counting) 11 of us!

Contrarian: There’s 11 of us? That sucks. It’s not an even number. I think we’ll have to kill the one talking the least.

Hunted, Cheated, and Stubborn at the same time: Hey!

(The hunted, cheated, and stubborn start talking at the same time)

Broken: I’ll make a worthy sacrifice.

Contrarian: It’s settled then!

(The hunted, cheated, and stubborn stop talking)

Hero: All of you quit! No one’s dying!

Contrarian: Aww man.

Opportunist: That’s okay. 11 of us can fit in a house.

(Suddenly the cabin turns into a proper house)

(Utter silence)

Hero: What the fu—

Contrarian: THE BLADE!

(The blade is summoned in front of the player)

Hero: QUIT! NO BLADE!

(No blade)

And etc etc.