Picture This:

Picture this:

It’s medieval times and there is a king who just can’t seem to be entertained by any old jester.

Each one plays the same silly game of charades with him, or tries to impress him with tricks. He’s grown tired of it by now. But he doesn’t execute the ones who fail to bring him to laugh, he simply shoos them out of his castle, and if they refuse to leave, he’ll get the guards. Easy enough. No blood is spilled or on his hands.

One day, it comes to the king’s attention that there is a jester providing “special” services to kings and queens alike who find themself bored with normal jesters. It was brought to him via a guard who saw a poster up in the town. The king mulled over the idea in his head, staring at the poster. There was black text on it that read:

“Jester services. From when the sun touches the horizon to when it rises for the next day, any king or queen may rent a jester for the most low price of 2 coins. The jester will jest whatever and however they want. But only for the night.”

Below it was an ink printed jester’s face, it was smiling, and had small hearts around it.

The king thought about it for a couple of days. He paced in front of his throne, before approaching a guard. He put the folded poster in their hand, and two golden coins. “Go. Into the village. Find this place.” The king said to the guard. While jarred, the guard complied. And walked from the castle to the local village.

It didn’t take them long to find where the place of the jester services resided. They knocked on the door.

A disheveled man in commoner clothes opened the door. “Yes?” He said blankly. “Two gold coins for you, sir. From the king.” The guard held their hand out while speaking. The man immediately grabbed the coins, thanked the guard, and closed the door.

That night, as soon as the sun dipped itself into the trees, there was a knock on the castle doors. A jester in pink and white walked through, wandering his way down the halls. A guard eventually found him, and asked, “Are you looking for the king?”

“Yes, I am.” The jester replied.

That guard very politely guided him down an ivory hall. Paintings of kings and queens before this very era hung on the walls. Intricately sculpted pillars held the ceiling.

The guard called to the king from inside his room, “Your Majesty, the jester is here!”

A king in a silk purple robe told the guard to open the door, he welcomed the jester inside. As he stepped in, the door instantaneously shut behind him. His eyes flicked between looking behind him and at the king. “My lord.” The jester bowed. “Please, just call me King.” The king requested. Not wanting to leave a bad impression, the jester nodded, “My king.”

This made the king smile. “Please, sit.” He told the jester, patting his bed gently. He took a few steps before sitting on the edge. “Tell me, do you do this alone?” The king asked. “Yes, I do.” The jester replied. The king looked to the other man, “Do you get much business from this?” He inquired with a low voice. “Ah…” He did not want to admit it, but the jester was indeed going into debt, “Not much.” He finally said. “Why do you do it?” The king almost whispered. Another hard question, the jester wasn’t sure how to answer. “Do you enjoy it?” The king pressed further. “…No.” The other man told him. He fidgeted with his hat’s bells. “Is it…hard?” The king asked softly. The jester glanced at the king, “At times.”

“You are free to stop at any time, no?” The king adjusted his robe, crossing his arms. “No, I cannot. I need the money.” The jester said, a grim tone laced his words. The king offered his hand to the jester beside him, “Take my hand.”

He did as the king told him, and placed his hand in his. He held onto it with a tender firmness that the jester hadn’t quite known yet. The king placed his other hand over the jester’s. His cold, silver rings gracing his skin. “You are a beautiful man. You should not live like this.” The king told the jester, “You should have anything you desire.” He smiled warmly. “Anything you want, just for while you’re here.” The king added, carefully placing his lips upon the jester’s hand. The jester felt his face become warm, and there was one thing he requested from the king. “I would appreciate some good food.”

As a fellow mobile user, here’s what you’re looking at!

“in another “why not this

life-“ one?”

“now?” “yeah.”

Anyone else have head-canons about the voices from slay the princess?

Like, The Contrarian is bisexual, ofc he is

The mf is called The Contrarian you think he’s NOT gonna be somewhat queer? No. Cuz, contrary to popular belief, he likes dudes!

The Cold is gay, but by default hates everyone, even himself (His voice is hot tho-)

The Smitten is probably a little queer, but nobody wants to gaf about him (He’s like the annoying younger sibling)

The Cheated is homophobic probably or REALLY in denial

The Skeptic and Stubborn are best friends

The Paranoid is terrified of taking chances on anything, but if it aids in survival, he’s dammed if he doesn’t sure as hell try

The Hunted def got some intrusive thoughts

The Broken and The Paranoid talk about how depressed they are with each other like the best buds they are

The Hero very low-key hates being the one to make decisions, but as soon as The Contrarian is there, it feels kind of like he’s being relieved of it just a bit bc he makes outright ridiculous statements, catching The Narrator really off guard

And then The Narrator is tired, just trying to keep up with everything happening around him

Aziraphale and Crowley have that type of dynamic where:

One of them will say something that sounds profound, but is really stupid

And the other will agree completely, even if they know it’s fucking ridiculous

jack of no trades. master of fuck all

the hill me and the mutuals are dying on