Imnotokayhru - Sir Yaps-a-lot - Tumblr Blog

THEORY: They’re long lost brothers

We already have Smitten sounding like Skeptic when he's angry but...what if... it's also possible to have the other way around?

Like if Skeptic's emotionally overwhelmed and/or is in a state of panic, his tone becomes slightly more lighter and his gruff voice becomes more fluttery. After suppressing his emotions in order to "prioritize logic", he lets it all out, slowly striking a resemblance to his counterpart.

jack of no trades. master of fuck all

Biting you (lovingly)

Biting you (lovingly)

Biting you (lovingly)

Biting you (lovingly)

Biting you (fiercely)

Biting you (lovingly)

Biting you (lovingly)

the hill me and the mutuals are dying on

Me fr

And then the gets worse GETS EVEN WORSE-

Slay the Princess can either be pretty tame by horror game standards or a constant downward spiral of "don't worry! it gets worse!" and I think that's beautiful

Sorry for double posting but APPARENTLY those commission scammers have showed up on Tumblr at least for the first time for me.

For those who don’t know what I am talking about, there were/are commission scams going on in Instagram and even places like Artstation where people would pretend to be interested in your work and try to commission a pet or portrait for the sake of trying to get your bank details. Here’s how to (somewhat) sniff them out:

1- They don’t seem to be an average customer/ person that would be involved in your fandom, or has a blank template for an account or don’t even follow you.

2- They ask you to draw a portrait or a pet picture either for themselves or their children/family.

3- They promise to overpay you (in the hundreds) and do not listen to you even if you firmly state the price is cheaper.

4- They are constantly asking for your email name, or private details regarding things like banking details or passwords or other private information others should not know.

5- They try and over reassure you they mean no harm, try to guilt you into giving them the info, or become aggressive over you not giving them what they want.

What should you do if you come across one of these guys? My best advice is to block and report. Sadly these people jump account to account so there isn’t really much to do other than spread this info to prevent artists from being scammed.

Slay the Princess ending??? Someone tag Black Tabby games /j

Chapter III: The Indomitable Human Spirit

The Narrator: Your on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a princess. You don’t need to slay her. Just turn around and leave.

(Options)

(Leave)

(No, I wanna slay the princess, that’s the point)

(Proceed up the path to the cabin)

(Why can’t I slay her?)

Part A:

(Leave)

The Narrator: You turn your back opposite of where the cabin sits, and you begin to walk.

Hero: Where are we walking exactly? Is there anywhere else to go?

The Narrator: Your going home.

Hero: Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. But…where is home?

The Narrator: Far away from here, I can tell you that. (Laugh)

Hero: Right.

The Narrator: Look at it this way, there was no harm done to you or the princess.

Hero: Mhm.

Part B:

(No, I wanna slay the princess, that’s the point)

The Narrator: That is not your job. Your job is to turn around, and leave.

Stubborn: Come on. Let us at least have a stab at her.

Hero: I mean, at least one? We can’t be sure if we need to leave.

Stubborn: Yeah. At least one. Right into her heart!

The Narrator: No. You’re leaving. There will be no stabbing.

Stubborn: C’mon, just once.

Hero: We can at least try?

The Narrator: Fine. You proceed up the path to the cabin.

(Walking)

(The cabin comes into view)

Hero: Great. Let’s go into the cabin now.

The Narrator: Since when were you the one telling me what to do?

(Options)

(Proceed into the cabin)

The Narrator: You proceed into the cabin.

(In the cabin)

The Narrator: (yapping abt the interior, it’s normal, just take it that way) The only furniture of note is a table, on that table is a pristine blade.

Stubborn: Great! Our trusted weapon.

Hero: Here we go…

(Options)

(Grab the blade)

(Proceed into the basement)

The Narrator: You grab the pristine blade.

(Proceed into the basement)

The Narrator: You walk down the steps, and they creak under your feet. If the princess lives down here, slaying her will probably be doing her a favor. But then, you gaze upon…the princess.

(It shows the princess, she’s not facing the player)

The Narrator: Her back is turned to you. And she seems to be heavily breathing.

Stubborn: She’s the perfect companion for combat! Do you hear her breathing? She’s hungry for blood!

Hero: How can you tell? She’s…not looking at us…why isn’t she looking at us?

The Narrator: I don’t know.

(Options)

(Call out to her)

The Narrator: You call out to the princess. She turns. Her face is dripping with blood. You notice her cheeks are torn open.

Hero: Ohhhh no. No no no no no. Okay. We can go. We can leave. Please?

Stubborn: Seems she’s already claimed her first victim. Let’s be the second!

(Stab her in the back)

The Narrator: You slowly approach her, your steps silent on the ground.

Stubborn: And…NOW!

The Narrator: As you launch yourself at the princess, she swiftly turns around and your blade plunges into her hand. She rips it from your grasp. Blood cascades down her arm as she stares at you. Her face is covered in blood, her cheeks have huge gashes in them.

The Princess: You…why are you here?

(Options)

(I’m here to…save you)

(I’m here to slay you)

(Silence)

The Princess: You can’t save me, I don’t need saving.

The Narrator: Her words are sharp and her gaze is angered.

Stubborn: Why would you lie?

Hero: I…I don’t know…

(Options)

(Well…I’m here to slay you)

The Princess: You can’t slay me either. You’re stuck. You need to leave. I never want to see your face again.

The Narrator: She spits the words at you with an urgency. The holes in her cheeks makes her speech slightly slurred.

Hero: But…that doesn’t make sense. Why—

Stubborn: If we’re stuck, one of us will have to die!

(Options)

(Leave)

(Attack her again)

The Narrator: You reach for your blade in her hand, and she yanks it away from you.

The Princess: Please, you’re making a mistake! You need to go!

The Narrator: She’s bloody and she’s dangerous. Listen to her warning. Leave.

Stubborn: C’mon. She’s just projecting weakness.

(Options)

(Leave)

(Leave)

(Leave)

(Leave)

(Leave)

(Attack her again)

(Leave)

(Leave)

The Narrator: (Sigh) You reach for the blade again, this time she doesn’t fight back, and you have the blade in your grasp again. She opens her arms as you stab her chest.

The princess: (Laughs) It’s not going to work.

Hero: Wait what?

Stubborn: She’s- She’s bluffing, stab her again!

The Narrator: No matter how many times you try to stab the princess, she doesn’t budge. She basks in the bloody glory of her wounds.

The princess: You will never kill me. I. Am. Indomitable.

The Narrator: There is a single loud snap. Everything goes dark, and you die.

Part C:

(Why can’t I slay her?)

The Narrator: Because she doesn’t need to be slain.

Skeptic: Who says?

The Narrator: I say. I say she can’t be slain.

Skeptic: She’s just a princess. What harm can she do?

The Narrator: A lot. It’s not your job to dictate whether or not she’s a threat.

Hero: What if she’s a bigger threat than we think?

The Narrator: Well, that’s one way to think of it. Either way, you’re going to leave.

Skeptic: I say we take her head on. How much can she really do, huh?

The Narrator: No. I’m not arguing this with you. We are leaving.

Hero: I say we leave, yeah?

Skeptic: Where are we leaving to? That’s the question.

The Narrator: Somewhere far from here. Very far.

Hero: That doesn’t help.

Skeptic: Do you want to leave or not?

Hero: Fine!

Part D:

(Proceed up the path to the cabin)

The Narrator: You ignore my pleas and walk straight up the path toward the cabin. What are you doing?

Hero: Going to face her, I guess.

The Narrator: (the interior of the cabin is the same) The only furniture of note is a table, on that table is- Nothing? Where’s the blade?

Contrarian: Threw it out the window. Figured we didn’t need it.

The Narrator: Wh- Damn you!

Contrarian: What? You’re the one who didn’t wanna slay her in the first place.

Hero: Well, we kind of needed it this time.

Contrarian: Well, too bad.

(Options)

(Proceed down into the basement)

(Search for the blade)

The Narrator: You open the door and step down into the basement. The walls feel cold, and the steps are rough. If the princess lives down here, slaying her is probably doing her a favor. Suddenly, you hear her cries.

The Princess: PLEASE! PLEASE! LET ME DIE! PLEASE!

Contrarian: Jeez. That’s not something you hear everyday. Or want to hear everyday.

Hero: Definitely not.

The Narrator: You step down the last step, and gaze upon the princess. Her face is drenched with blood, it runs down her neck, and it soaks her dress. She stops yelling.

The Princess: Are you…are you here to kill me?

The Narrator: Her voice reeks of desperation.

(Options)

(No, I’m not)

Hero: Let’s just be honest. She deserves the truth.

The princess: THEN LEAVE! NOW!

Contrarian: Tell her to stop yelling! I’m gonna go deaf!

(Yeah, I am)

The Princess: With what weapon?

Hero: Now that’s tough.

Contrarian: Whoops.

The Princess: WITH WHAT WEAPON!? ANSWER ME PLEASE!

The Narrator: The Princess sobs. She’s anxious for your answer.

(Options)

(With no weapon)

The Princess: No…no weapon?

The Narrator: You and the princess stare at each other.

The princess: FINE! I’ll take it. Just…end my suffering…please.

The Narrator: You come up to the princess, and wrap your hands around her neck. Hesitantly, you squeeze. The princess cracks a smile as she chokes.

Contrarian: This is way too violent for me. I was…I didn’t…

Hero: Just let it happen.

The Narrator: As the air leaves her lungs, your grip loosens. She falls to the floor at your feet.

Contrarian: Holy shit.

(It ends w/ the player leaving the cabin)

They didn’t.

Picture this:

It’s medieval times and there is a king who just can’t seem to be entertained by any old jester.

Each one plays the same silly game of charades with him, or tries to impress him with tricks. He’s grown tired of it by now. But he doesn’t execute the ones who fail to bring him to laugh, he simply shoos them out of his castle, and if they refuse to leave, he’ll get the guards. Easy enough. No blood is spilled or on his hands.

One day, it comes to the king’s attention that there is a jester providing “special” services to kings and queens alike who find themself bored with normal jesters. It was brought to him via a guard who saw a poster up in the town. The king mulled over the idea in his head, staring at the poster. There was black text on it that read:

“Jester services. From when the sun touches the horizon to when it rises for the next day, any king or queen may rent a jester for the most low price of 2 coins. The jester will jest whatever and however they want. But only for the night.”

Below it was an ink printed jester’s face, it was smiling, and had small hearts around it.

The king thought about it for a couple of days. He paced in front of his throne, before approaching a guard. He put the folded poster in their hand, and two golden coins. “Go. Into the village. Find this place.” The king said to the guard. While jarred, the guard complied. And walked from the castle to the local village.

It didn’t take them long to find where the place of the jester services resided. They knocked on the door.

A disheveled man in commoner clothes opened the door. “Yes?” He said blankly. “Two gold coins for you, sir. From the king.” The guard held their hand out while speaking. The man immediately grabbed the coins, thanked the guard, and closed the door.

That night, as soon as the sun dipped itself into the trees, there was a knock on the castle doors. A jester in pink and white walked through, wandering his way down the halls. A guard eventually found him, and asked, “Are you looking for the king?”

“Yes, I am.” The jester replied.

That guard very politely guided him down an ivory hall. Paintings of kings and queens before this very era hung on the walls. Intricately sculpted pillars held the ceiling.

The guard called to the king from inside his room, “Your Majesty, the jester is here!”

A king in a silk purple robe told the guard to open the door, he welcomed the jester inside. As he stepped in, the door instantaneously shut behind him. His eyes flicked between looking behind him and at the king. “My lord.” The jester bowed. “Please, just call me King.” The king requested. Not wanting to leave a bad impression, the jester nodded, “My king.”

This made the king smile. “Please, sit.” He told the jester, patting his bed gently. He took a few steps before sitting on the edge. “Tell me, do you do this alone?” The king asked. “Yes, I do.” The jester replied. The king looked to the other man, “Do you get much business from this?” He inquired with a low voice. “Ah…” He did not want to admit it, but the jester was indeed going into debt, “Not much.” He finally said. “Why do you do it?” The king almost whispered. Another hard question, the jester wasn’t sure how to answer. “Do you enjoy it?” The king pressed further. “…No.” The other man told him. He fidgeted with his hat’s bells. “Is it…hard?” The king asked softly. The jester glanced at the king, “At times.”

“You are free to stop at any time, no?” The king adjusted his robe, crossing his arms. “No, I cannot. I need the money.” The jester said, a grim tone laced his words. The king offered his hand to the jester beside him, “Take my hand.”

He did as the king told him, and placed his hand in his. He held onto it with a tender firmness that the jester hadn’t quite known yet. The king placed his other hand over the jester’s. His cold, silver rings gracing his skin. “You are a beautiful man. You should not live like this.” The king told the jester, “You should have anything you desire.” He smiled warmly. “Anything you want, just for while you’re here.” The king added, carefully placing his lips upon the jester’s hand. The jester felt his face become warm, and there was one thing he requested from the king. “I would appreciate some good food.”

Imagine an ending of Slay the Princess where the Narrator gets ignored so hard in the first two chapters, that he just dips

Like he just leaves the voices on their own to meld the world as they see fit

It would be utter chaos, also I imagine everything as drawn in sketch.

Hero: Okay, since he’s gone, I’ll narrate. We’re on a path—

(A path appears)

Hero: …In the woods.

(Trees appear around the path)

Hero: And at the end of that path, is a cabin.

(A cabin appears at the end of the path)

Hero: And in the basement of that cabin is a princess?

Contrarian: What if one of us was in the basement?

Smitten: No one can replace our beloved! What if she was here right now?

(Everything disappears and it’s just the princess)

Smitten: Oh! There she is!

Hero: No, no. That’s not right. She’s in the cabin—

(The cabin appears again)

Hero: Which is at the end of the path.

(The path appears again)

Hero: And the path is in the woods.

(The woods appears again)

Hero: And that’s how it should be.

Paranoid: But what if that’s only how we perceive it to be. Everything could be wrong. What if the narrator messed up, and your saying the wrong things?

Hero: I’m not. I’ve heard it time and time again. I didn’t get it wrong.

Contrarian: What about the blade? You reckon we still need the blade? You didn’t say we need to slay the princess.

Hero: Oh…uhm…

Smitten: That’d be just fine with me! Our beloved can run straight into our arms! No blades in the way!

(Image of the princess running into the player(or bird boy, or the main character, etc.)’s arms)

Cold: I say we grab the blade and stab ourselves.

(Image of the player taking the blade and putting it above their heart)

Hero: We’re not doing any of that. We have the path, the woods, and the cabin at the end of the path in the woods.

(All of that appears again)

Hero: No buts.

Skeptic: This is a bunch of bullshit. We get free rein and you wanna just stick to what the narrator says? We can make our own rules!

Hero: That’s not how it works—

Opportunist: Yeah! Let’s make our own world! One for all…(quiet counting) 11 of us!

Contrarian: There’s 11 of us? That sucks. It’s not an even number. I think we’ll have to kill the one talking the least.

Hunted, Cheated, and Stubborn at the same time: Hey!

(The hunted, cheated, and stubborn start talking at the same time)

Broken: I’ll make a worthy sacrifice.

Contrarian: It’s settled then!

(The hunted, cheated, and stubborn stop talking)

Hero: All of you quit! No one’s dying!

Contrarian: Aww man.

Opportunist: That’s okay. 11 of us can fit in a house.

(Suddenly the cabin turns into a proper house)

(Utter silence)

Hero: What the fu—

Contrarian: THE BLADE!

(The blade is summoned in front of the player)

Hero: QUIT! NO BLADE!

(No blade)

And etc etc.

I need a sitcom style TV show about the Slay the Princess voices

Seeing Cold and Smitten be the ones to argue 24/7, while the others just watch, and then the Contrarian buts in with smth funny like, “Do you think they ever kiss?”

*Cue the laugh track.*

As a fellow mobile user, here’s what you’re looking at!

“in another “why not this

life-“ one?”

“now?” “yeah.”

Narrator: Okay, we’re gonna do a group activity, everybody sit in a circle.

Every other voice: (Sits down)

Cold: Do I have to? This seems idiotic.

Narrator: You are gonna participate or I’ll make you dissipate. Sit down.

Cold: Okay, fine. (Sits with everyone else)

Narrator: Great. Now we’re gonna go around the circle and share something we have accomplished. Hero, you go first.

Hero: Uhh…I don’t know…it feels like I’ve done so much, but so little at the same time…

Narrator: …What about you?

Contrarian: I threw the blade out the window—

Narrator: And I’m done. (Gets up)

We need this for every animated movie ong

I used to love those

Anyone else have head-canons about the voices from slay the princess?

Like, The Contrarian is bisexual, ofc he is

The mf is called The Contrarian you think he’s NOT gonna be somewhat queer? No. Cuz, contrary to popular belief, he likes dudes!

The Cold is gay, but by default hates everyone, even himself (His voice is hot tho-)

The Smitten is probably a little queer, but nobody wants to gaf about him (He’s like the annoying younger sibling)

The Cheated is homophobic probably or REALLY in denial

The Skeptic and Stubborn are best friends

The Paranoid is terrified of taking chances on anything, but if it aids in survival, he’s dammed if he doesn’t sure as hell try

The Hunted def got some intrusive thoughts

The Broken and The Paranoid talk about how depressed they are with each other like the best buds they are

The Hero very low-key hates being the one to make decisions, but as soon as The Contrarian is there, it feels kind of like he’s being relieved of it just a bit bc he makes outright ridiculous statements, catching The Narrator really off guard

And then The Narrator is tired, just trying to keep up with everything happening around him

Monster fucker this, monster fucker that. What if I want a monster RELATIONSHIP huh?! Monster HAND HOLDING, monster INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS, monster COMFORTABLE SILENCE??

Other countries versions of Miku: Wearing traditional dress, maybe eating some popular food, or participating in a sport popular in that country, or any other activity.

American Miku: Either rocking a dad fit, or straight up holding a gun. (Metaphorical gun)

Hank J Wimbleton is a fucking Sleep Token fan, prove me wrong

Like

“My love, did I mistake you for a sign from god? Or are you really here to cast me off?”

“I’m a waking hell, and the gods grow tired.”

But I’m also projecting a little, I love Sleep Token

Reblog if you're asexual and tired

This is “And they were roommates.” “Omg they were roommates.” vibes

it ended today and it’s truly a crime to me that seemingly nobody’s brought weapon x-traction to the attention of the non-comic deadclaws fans. it’s the only comic i’ve read that explicitly calls wade pansexual and emphasizes his queerness without it being the butt of the joke. it’s the only thing i’ve ever read that had me genuinely laughing pretty much the whole time. it has some utterly enchanting art. and as of this week and the last it has deadclaws LITERALLY finding each other in every universe

with everything about this comic taken into account i’m so sure that the subtextual intention for it being romantic was there. because like yeah what the fuck is happening in any of this. what’s happening HERE?

why are they so sickeningly domestic. don’t piss me off

You got Work. boots, and then you got Werk~ boots.

We respect all types of work boots in this house. Like to charge, reblog to cast

Sorry, I was gonna say “AWOOGA” in a really loud and cartoonish voice at your super cool drawing of a ripped man, but the gods have forsaken me

Sorry <3

Aziraphale and Crowley have that type of dynamic where:

One of them will say something that sounds profound, but is really stupid

And the other will agree completely, even if they know it’s fucking ridiculous