After Rain Comes Sunshine

After rain comes sunshine

I know not all times are bad times but, there's a period when everything is crumbling and falling apart and, I can't help but think about the negative parts of life. I, theoretically speaking, know that after rain comes sunshine which brings out rainbow, but that rain hits more like a tornado and leaves a mess, not worrying about it while I'm left all alone to deal with all that mess, trying to figure out how to clean it up.

Those negative parts eat me up, drain my energy away and I'm left as a bag of meat, lifeless creature, a corpse, walking through life as if I had a choice... I long for a break, for basic human needs I've neglected up until that point and, I crash.

I can't get up anymore, I walk without knowing what truly I should do, I am exhausted and confused.

After a while of not having any energy to do stuff, besides what I have to do and what is a must (example, going to school but barely doing any work outside of it) I notice I am slowly, but surely, getting energy back and I'm willing to do things again...

That's my exhaustion period, my slump. I have no energy and I need to rest as much as possible while I try not to ruin my grades.

Then, after some time (depends on exhaustion level) I find myself picking up the pieces left on the floor, glue gunning myself, keeping it stable, safe and sound...

Slowly, after rain comes sunshine.

-a ghost of a memory

'Vintage Style, Queen, Art, Coffe with chocolate and muffins with hazelnuts. And Lavender flowers.

My favourite things never change.

-

'Vivienne Westwood, The Sex Pistols, Seven Stars, coffee with milk and strawberry cake. And Ren flowers.

Nana's favorite things never change.

the time of innocence has passed

the time of experience is coming

learn, heal, grow

- a ghost of a memory

A little rant about school and system from me...

The problem with education is that we learn to pass and get good grades, it doesn't matter if we have memorized anything about those topics, it is important that the passing grade is good and that has been built into us since the 1st grade of primary school.

Instead of learning because we are interested, that we enjoy reading and maybe researching on that topic ourselves, we are stuck in a room with people we may or may not like that much, from the early morning with barely 4 hours of sleep. We come to school, supposedly learning, although we come out of it even more confused with (minimum) 3 tests in the next week, 4 examinations, 2 large projects that will be at least 50% of the grade and one seminar. Let's get to work.

Okay, I learned 3 subjects, 4 more left, to finish seminar and projects... Wait, my friend invited me to go for a walk... "No, I'm sorry, I'm really busy, but I promise - next time!" Life flies before my eyes and I only sit and study... and for what? Because the system determined so. I miss my friends, I miss being happy, I miss a stress-free life ... When will summer come? Come on, focus! It's not like you're going to need this, but you have to get a good grade.

"No repeating test, come prepared for the test, not to fix the grade next class. Learn to learn for the test, not for correction!"

I don't want to study for the test, I want to study because I like it, because I'm interested in the topic, because I feel better, but how can I do that when I have limited time and a scale from 1 to 5 that determines my value? I'm tired of this system, but again, what can I do about it?

I don't care about grades anymore, that's what.

When I say that, I don't mean "Uh, now I won't move from the armchair, I absolutely don't care, it will be what must be" but I rather think "I won't allow numbers on paper to depress and discourage me, I learn for myself, for my future, to build my personality, not for someone to tell me 'Great, all A's, you're smart' ". I am making my way and my future.

I don't need validation from a broken system to be happy.

(If there are any mistakes, I am not native speaker and I wrote this in my native language, so, please, excuse them.)

the need of you has passed

new age is coming

blooming, my dearest, is in fashion now

goodbye

-a ghost of a memory

Every girlypop needs a good tote bag and, of course, mine would be book related.

The Alchemist is my choice, what’s yours?

As I’m trying to carry less when going out, I try to keep my tote light. Emphasis on trying. I always keep a good book with me, at all times, and a sketchbook with my favourite pencil because you never know when you’re going to see a beautiful flower and, instead of leaving with only a photograph, you want to sketch it.

If there are my book and sketchbook, my glasses and notebook smoothly follow. The notebook contains a calendar, all my thoughts/poems I’ve written on the go, or poems I’ve read that made an impact and changed my brain chemistry forever.

I would lie if I said I only sleep without my headphones (which doesn’t mean I sleep w/o music hehe). They are always changing since I am catastrophic at taking care of them, which is exactly why I have 3 pairs of them, gorgeous sound, but because of my trembling hand, now busted hence why covered with tape. Tape and I have been besties for quite some time now.

Now, summer would be *it* if it weren’t for colourful eyeshadow or lips, right? This is rich since it’s coming from a person dressed in all black 90% of the time. Nonetheless, I always carry something colourful, in this case, it’s a reddish lipgloss and a nude rouge I adore and always come back to.

What do you carry with you?