My Favourite Kakyoin Headcannons Are When Its One Or The Other, On Either Extreme Side Of The Scale.

My favourite Kakyoin headcannons are when it’s one or the other, on either extreme side of the scale. Like literally just a girl and then the most fucked up guy in the world. He’s either being pulled by the waist and stumbling over air to fall sexily into someone’s arms or he’s losing it, absolutely gone off the rocker. I headcannon that motherfucker knows WAY too much about dead bodies because he wanted to become a mortician (until he witnessed all those deceptated dead girls in Dio’s mansion and did a hard mental career change) so now he has so much unnecessary knowledge about embalming and shit.

So Polneraff calls him on April first all breathless like ‘Omg Kakyoin I killed someone and need help burying the body’ because, you know, he’s a funny man to his core and had already prank called everyone else for April fools. When he called Joseph with the same joke he ended up turning the tables on Polneraff like ‘Oh, so you remember? Polneraff, I’m so sorry, you’re one of my closest friends, but what you’re stand does— whether it’s an accident or not!—is your responsibility’ and freaks him out. Advol knows he’s kidding right away because Polneraff told him he buried it in the backyard the night before as if they don’t live together and Advol had to almost suffocate him last night because he was snoring so loud. Jotaro didn’t answer his phone. But Kakyoin, without missing a bit, was like ‘what stage of decomposition is it in?’

And it goes silent for a minute. ‘What?’

‘I need to know if I have to stop at Walmart to get acid, or if I need to get leak-proof bags, depending on what stage it’s in.’

And I love that because everyone knows Kakyoin is a fucking freak but they’re always caught off guard literally anytime he does anything weird. Jotaro is one of the very few people who’s equally as fucked up in different ways.

Kakyoin felt nervous sleeping over once because he didn’t want to do something wrong and scare Jotaro away and then he wakes up at like four in the morning to the hallway light on and Jotaro kneeling by a full bucket of water with a straw and star platinum because he’s a chronic insomniac and wanted to see if star platinum could suck water up like he did with Enya’s stand.

He is wearing one of those fluffy Sanrio character headbands tik tok influencers wear to wash their faces. His left eye is twitching. He has passed out multiple times from almost water boarding himself. They never speak of it again and in return Jotaro shows Kakyoin star platinum inhaling a glass of water when he figures it out.

This, this is what I mean

reasons why kakyoin joined the sdc: wanted to be near the only other people he knew that had stands, and also wanted to figure out wtf is wrong with jotaro

If I ever get a girlfriend she’s gotta look like a Great Egret

Okay so I’ve been learning Japanese for a while now and I’ve finally got to the ‘I can sort of read’ level of illiterate and so to encourage myself to keep going I’ve been reading jjba comics on pixiv and, yeah, I don’t know what’s happening most of the time or which fated image is going to haunt me for the rest of my life until I see a character suffocate a puppy in a plastic bag and get jump scared by some NSFW that wasn’t tagged in English but I’m CRYING at this

How the fuck did they forcefully feminize him but in the next panel make him have the face of a man who walked to the gates of heaven just to turn around disappointed the moment he saw god??? He looks like he saw someone get shot.

I’ve started to re-watch stardust crusaders and everytime I do I need a twenty minute break between every episode to recalculate the fanon Jotaro in my head to the canon one. I feel Kakyoin is pretty justified in my mind (even if I make him just a teensy bit more socially inept for giggles) but Jotaro is always tricky because there’s so much fan-made media that, yeah, I enjoy a lot but also he would not fucking do that— don’t get me wrong, it’s the funniest thing in the world to think he would have a secret stash of sea plushies but it’s even FUNNIER to think he keeps all his beer bottle caps and counts them everyday before he goes to bed because if he doesn’t the world is going to explode or something.

Like, anxiety is a pretty common reaction to trauma, especially with Kakyoin, whose stand literally has the ability to control someone (to an extent). So OCD symptoms such as daily rituals and avoidance to change seems like something both Kakyoin and Jotaro would have.

And while that’s also not canon I like it a lot more because I’m projecting and Jotaro and Kakyoin are my traumatized OCs I’m about to cut the arms and legs off of.

Also, I like the idea that Jotaro and Kakyoin’s bedrooms are either decrepit or spotless. And I don’t mean ‘spotless’ like clean and organized, I mean sterile, nothing on the walls, bed dead centre in the room and a desk, lamp, shelf with two books on it, and maybe a drawer with a keychain in it one of them got from a festival two years ago. Psychiatric ward vibes. But for the LIFE of me I can’t decide which one would be which.

I see a lot of fanart where it’s like, Jotaro has dolphin posters and Kakyoin has a Minecraft bedspread and yeah, I fucking love that, but I love the idea of Jotaro having to sit on a towel on Kakyoin’s floor so his ass doesn’t go numb because Kakyoin won’t let him sit on the perfect, wrinkless bed and his mom won’t let them play Mario in the living room so much better.

Jotaro puts the ass in harassment what the fuck are you doing with all those cheeks?? Whore???