You Ever Be In A Social Situation And Think, Theres Something Happening Because That Person Is Using

You ever be in a social situation and think, there’s something happening because that person is using the same ‘oh yeah cool’ dismissive tone but also I was literally telling them a similar thing that happened to me to show tha

[Distant screaming]

oh bro do i have some feelings about jotaro and the mitski song "a pearl"

Remember the post I made about Jotaro being the same level of fucked up as Kakyoin but in different ways? I think I need to give examples because I have a very distinct thing in my brain I need all of you people to grasp to some extent here.

Jotaro is fucking huge. Ginormous for no reason considering he very likely hadn’t had the time to work out in between beating the shit out of local gang members, dashing and dining, and being a bitch to his mother. But because he hasn’t really been in a setting with a bunch of people with similar physiques as him, he has no idea how to act outside of being ‘cool’. Like, he sees no point in flaunting how he looks so he doesn’t, unlike with someone who, say, worked at their body image for months.

So I am being dead serious when I say Holly didn’t make him a school lunch one time (she had such a bad flu bug she couldn’t get out of bed) Jotaro skips all of his classes, entire day ruined. He goes out to the convenience store, red faced, puffy eyed, and shoves a packet of donuts down his shirt. No one even fucking notices. He eats all of them and cries, it’s so fucking funny.

I should probably mention, Kakyoin is one hundred percent the only one who Jotaro could give less of a shit seeing him do this. So he’s there, gingerly explaining the breeding cycles of salmon and trout in hopes of engaging Jotaro’s autism enough so he doesn’t choke and fucking die around the three donuts he shoved in his mouth.

So, six foot five, bulging muscles, could pop a can of tomatoes open if he put it in between his thighs and squeezed slightly, having a breakdown under a tree somewhere in a national park, defeated. A red haired, twitchy twunk drawing with a stick in the ground saying some shit like, ‘you can tell it’s a type of mammal because of its fin bones, even if it’s exclusively in the water now— please slow down Jojo I really don’t want you to throw up again’.

No, like, he’s a mess all the time but would rather die than be around literally anyone when he has that ‘calm before the storm’ meltdown feeling. So he just sort of shows up at Kakyoin’s doorstep like a stray and lays on his bedroom floor for three hours. Sometimes he falls asleep and Kakyoin uses him as a backrest because he always chooses to be face first directly in front of his Atari and Kakyoin wants to play his games.

Kakyoin’s mother one hundred percent thinks Jotaro is some dangerous delinquent who is going to put her son into a grave, life or death peer pressure situation until she sees Jotaro being dragged out of the house by his ankles with an out of breath Kakyoin carting both their bags under one arm, Jotaro’s coat over one shoulder, and Jotaro’s foot in both his hands. Like, ‘We have a math test. I need good grades. I am not explaining to Miss Holly why you have to retake highschool’.

And Jotaro’s completely limp, like three hundred fucking pounds of pure muscle, wearing a tank top, face down with his hat brim dragging on the floor. He looks fucking dead. He looks like a dead fucking rat. And Kakyoin’s mother no longer has nearly as many worries about Jotaro but also is forever cursed with the knowledge that, even if she were to gossip to her book club about it, they would never believe her.

Also, she’s seen Jotaro cry three separate times on the kitchen floor as Kakyoin makes his grilled cheese in the shapes of dolphins because his favourite cereal changed their packaging or Sadao calls and he’s just losing it in a puddle of tears. He never mentions it again and literally goes back to normal like nothing had happened.

He could beat the shit out of a whole biker gang, spear and set their leader on fire, all stoic and angry and totally badass. Everything falls into place with perfectly timed catchphrases and comebacks, but he’ll still be at Kakyoin’s house, twenty minutes later, face down infront of his Atari. And Kakyoin will use him as a back rest to play his games.

jotaro: i think you use the internet too much

kakyoin: maybe but at least i'm normal about it instead of being a redpilled incel making self-own green text posts on 4chan

jotaro: .....pretty sure it would take at least an hour for you to explain to me what you just said

My favourite Kakyoin headcannons are when it’s one or the other, on either extreme side of the scale. Like literally just a girl and then the most fucked up guy in the world. He’s either being pulled by the waist and stumbling over air to fall sexily into someone’s arms or he’s losing it, absolutely gone off the rocker. I headcannon that motherfucker knows WAY too much about dead bodies because he wanted to become a mortician (until he witnessed all those deceptated dead girls in Dio’s mansion and did a hard mental career change) so now he has so much unnecessary knowledge about embalming and shit.

So Polneraff calls him on April first all breathless like ‘Omg Kakyoin I killed someone and need help burying the body’ because, you know, he’s a funny man to his core and had already prank called everyone else for April fools. When he called Joseph with the same joke he ended up turning the tables on Polneraff like ‘Oh, so you remember? Polneraff, I’m so sorry, you’re one of my closest friends, but what you’re stand does— whether it’s an accident or not!—is your responsibility’ and freaks him out. Advol knows he’s kidding right away because Polneraff told him he buried it in the backyard the night before as if they don’t live together and Advol had to almost suffocate him last night because he was snoring so loud. Jotaro didn’t answer his phone. But Kakyoin, without missing a bit, was like ‘what stage of decomposition is it in?’

And it goes silent for a minute. ‘What?’

‘I need to know if I have to stop at Walmart to get acid, or if I need to get leak-proof bags, depending on what stage it’s in.’

And I love that because everyone knows Kakyoin is a fucking freak but they’re always caught off guard literally anytime he does anything weird. Jotaro is one of the very few people who’s equally as fucked up in different ways.

Kakyoin felt nervous sleeping over once because he didn’t want to do something wrong and scare Jotaro away and then he wakes up at like four in the morning to the hallway light on and Jotaro kneeling by a full bucket of water with a straw and star platinum because he’s a chronic insomniac and wanted to see if star platinum could suck water up like he did with Enya’s stand.

He is wearing one of those fluffy Sanrio character headbands tik tok influencers wear to wash their faces. His left eye is twitching. He has passed out multiple times from almost water boarding himself. They never speak of it again and in return Jotaro shows Kakyoin star platinum inhaling a glass of water when he figures it out.

I really want to add to this by saying Jotaro might also randomly interject Japanese phrases into English because there isn’t an English equivalent he’s as comfortable with.

Polneraff says the dumbest thing in the world and Joseph says, ‘Are you fucking serious?’ At the same time Jotaro’s like 「まじ？」

Especially Japanese onomatopoeia, like the words that mean sounds or emotions.

I can clearly see in my minds eye Joseph being like, ‘I can’t believe the detergent is on sale! Probably because I’m here, huh, Jotaro? They knew I was coming, pretty exciting with your gramps around!’

And Jotaro, flat faced, dead serious, says 「わくわく」

since jotaro was most likely raised bilingual, it's probably kind of funny to hear him switch from fluent japanese to fluent english in a split second and probably catches a lot of people off-guard