Hi Tumblr, I Am Also Here Now-

Hi Tumblr, I am also here now-

Recent Halloween piece along with some WIPs-

A piece celebrating reaching 1k on twitter

Old animation parody I made with Jar Based on this https://youtu.be/yD2FSwTy2lw

There’s a lot of those “how to write [x] character if you’re not from [x] community” posts out there but this one is one I only realised like 2 minutes ago so here we go lmao

I already see barely any trans characters in writing BUT one of the biggest parts of trans culture is the concept of dysphoria and how it affects people and how they relieve it. Trans rep in character design can be very obvious or very subtle, but it’s almost always defined by how dysphoria is dealt with across different individuals: top surgery scars, breast implants, cut/grown out hair, baggy clothes, etc. etc. the list goes on.

But I think a key to writing these characters well isn’t asking “how does this character deal with [x] dysphoria?” but instead asking “how does this character create [x] *euphoria* for themself?” I’m transmasc nonbinary, so my examples will relate to my own experience.

Instead of “dealing” with the size of my chest by just putting on a sports bra and wearing a sweatshirt, which wears me out and only worsens the feelings im having by turning it into a chore, I create euphoria for myself by committing to more. Instead of just dealing and making it something to appeal to outside eyes, I think “fuck it, go flat or go home” and bring out every too-small bra and a pair of leggings. I /will/ have a flat chest- not I want to /look/ like i have a flat chest.

I don’t tie my hair back to make it /look/ short, I cut it and style it to make it /be/ short.

Creating euphoria isn’t the same as just dealing with dysphoria, in the same way being isn’t the same as appearing to be.

Obviously for some kinds of dysphoria, it can take longer, be turned into euphoria only by one process, or, unfortunately, cannot be dealt with really at all in a physical way. One thing I can’t really deal with, euphoria or no, is my hands- they’re smooth, soft, and by all means incredibly small and feminine. The easy thing to do is of course to just wear a long-sleeved hoodie and keep the sleeves over my hands, and often times I do.

But sometimes euphoria doesn’t have to be physical, it can also be looking to the future at things that could be done later on; testosterone hormone therapy, or T, redistributes fat deposits and promotes muscle growth— both of which contribute to soft, feminine hands becoming thinner and more masculine. When I see my hands and think “man, this sucks, I can’t do anything about this” I deal with the dysphoria by rolling my sleeves over my wrists—but I induce euphoria by remembering what can be done in the future.

This is just my own experience with dysphoria as a transmasculine person- a transfem person might have wildly different experiences, as would an androgynous enby, and even other transmasc people. I’m only speaking from my own thoughts and feelings on the subject, but I do know that the thought process of “I am creating euphoria, not discouraging dysphoria” is a mindset that’s much more positive and realistic.

And if you yourself are trans and reading this, I want you to reflect on how you deal with dysphoria, specifically on whether you’re dealing with it by dealing with it, or dealing with it by countering it with euphoria instead.

You are your own person, and if you aren’t happy with that then be what you want to be- don’t just /seem/ to be what you want to be. This goes beyond being trans, of course, but when it comes to something as seemingly unshakable and dauntingly overwhelming as trans dysphoria, it can be a uniquely— and often horribly— lonely experience.

There’s days where I can’t put in the effort to give myself euphoria, and that sucks. It really really sucks. But whenever I can, that little spark of joy, that little spark of hope, makes it just a little more bearable each time.

If you made it to the end of this unedited wall of text, holy shit thank you. But also, remember to give yourself a little bit of euphoria every once in a while. Show dysphoria that this is your body, not its. And, especially if you’re pre-everything, remember that if you can’t do something today, the future can always have other plans for you.

I save every single piece of fan/gift art people make for me. Little doodles or full paintings, each one means the world to me <3 Decided to hang up a bunch on my wall!