When I Was A Young Teen And Extremely Mentally Ill, I Made Weird Abstract Pieces Since It Helped Get

when i was a young teen and extremely mentally ill, i made weird abstract pieces since it helped get my jumbled thoughts and worries out onto paper in a visual style. i had done this once for a sketchbook cover and my mom (with my permission) posted it on some art subreddit because she was so proud of it. i checked back on the post and it got a surprising amount of attention, i was thrilled seeing the hundreds of upvotes on my work. then i looked at the comments. all of the top ones and most of them in general were people making these shitty jokes, some not even joking about it and trying to actually convince my mom i was doing mushrooms and had to be talked to. i was so fucking pissed. the fact people needed to be told "i'm not a druggie, this is just how my brain works" felt so insulting. thats not even mentioning how countless people genuinely trying to tell my mother i was definitely doing drugs and couldn't have made that art any other way would have been so, so dangerous for me if i didn't live in the lax household i did.

When I was young my dad offhandedly told me he thought people treated fish with so much casual cruelty because fish can’t scream.

The words branded themselves across my soul.

As an adult I think he may have been joking. He payed no especial attention to any indignities fish suffered in our household but I could never forget. I saw fish in a different light after that.

Fish kept in tiny bowls, breathing their own poisons, dying by inches. Fish kept in cold tanks, casually disposed of. Fish touted as being short lived when they could outlive the better loved family dog if only they could breathe. Fish casually won and discarded in cheap plastic bags, thrown away a week later.

How they would scream, if they could.

did i follow you?

mod is a little stupid and made this his main. my actual main:

@scozthewoz

a blue jay taking a bath 🛁 | source

Winter is brutal

Hot chamomile, safe embrace

It melts the cold heart

the flower will bloom

and along lands the butterfly.

a bond so pure. oh, how it

shows the magic of nature.

the butterfly hatches from

their snug cocoon, in search

of their flower, to cling to for life.

how beautiful new love is,

such a youthful thing.

the woman will sprout her feelings

from her heart.

feelings that cause the ground to shake,

and water to rain from her eyes.

feelings to her lady friend

sitting parallel on the bus.

what a freak of nature, they say.

how disgusting it is to fall in love.

she was merely a girl

she wanted to feel it.

the flower sprouts love,

for the butterfly to drink.

new love is so beautiful,

it truly is so young, and pure.

but this girl wont have her butterfly.

for the earth has torn her petals.

and damned her to loneliness.

simply because she wants another.

another lady to drink her affections.

wilted violets - isla w.