Justmymindandstuff - Welcome To My Shitshow

This was perfect 🧡 the writing, the emotions I love all of it🥰

GOOD LOOKING.

+ . aegon ii targaryen x f!velaryon!reader

synopsis. after the infamous dinner scene, you seek refuge in the comforts of a place you once knew. aegon follows. it turns out a bastard and a drunk make for an interesting pair without the eyes of others and with a weakness within one another.

3 + . contents. no use of y/n or any variation. canon-typical violence. unhealthy relationships? canon/period-typical incest. angst? canon-divergent. hurt w/ comfort. fluff. blood mention. 3.3k words.

The evening air is cooling against your face, the hard galloping of the horse you ride atop of brings a whistling of winds in your ears. Hands still trembling in anger grasp the reins of the steed with a firm grasp so tight that angry red indents form on the insides of your palms. White moonlight bathes you, the glowing full moon in a clear deep blue sky bathes everything. From the hooves galloping against the soft grass to the beautiful bursts of colors in the form of flower bushes amongst the mess of large trees casting streaks of white light and plain deep green shrubs. You feel slightly suffocated. Despite the distance you’ve put between yourself and the Red Keep, between yourself and the bitter truth that’s been pulled up your throat like a hook and feels impossible to swallow back down again, it feels difficult to breathe.

Until you finally reach the beautiful clearing you know all too well. The horse comes to a stop at the edge of the expansive lake and a pale brown-blue, you pant softly with a face still warm in anger and you look around. Your slippers find purchase on the grass when you slide off of the saddle, a gentle hand smoothing over the black, shining coat of the beautiful horse. Already, serenity and peace ease into your muscles and throughout your nerves burned by the One-Eyed Cunt as you whisper a sweet word of gratitude and order to the beautiful steed before you turn away and begin to step towards a place you once felt as much home as that of the Keep or Dragonstone. Both of which feel so cold in comparison now.

Walking along the grass, you weave past stones and keep your gaze on the lake. Gentle hands reaching up, steadier than before, to unclasp the jewelry you adorn. Piece by piece comes off of you, finding home in the soft tufts of grass beside your slippers until they too come off. Your bare soles shift on the soft grass that’s cool and wet with dew from that of the lake. Sighing in bliss, your eyes flutter shut as your hands come up to undo the style of intricate detail in your locks. Already, your skin pebbles in anticipation of what the waters you’ve not touched for years may feel like again. When everything has been so loud and uncertain.

Cold air brushes across your skin, through your hair, and beneath the white shift you’re left in when the final piece of your clothing is discarded. A pile of high born on the grass to leave you nearly bare and as common as you’ve always selfishly and ungratefully wished for. It’s soothing, calming, to not feel expensive fabrics and the heavy material they are made of to the heavy jewelry and headache inducing hairstyle. There’s almost a smile on your lips as you walk forward and grass soon becomes the icy cold lick of lakewater against your bare feet.

Soon enough, nothing else exists but you and the lake. Submerging yourself into the cold waters and nearly moaning beneath them. The fabric of your white linen dress sticks to you, your body adoring the embrace of the water and a smile on your face bathed in droplets and the moonlight when you resurface and smooth your hair. In the evening air comes only the sound of your soft breaths, the sloshing of the water, and the crickets hidden in the bustles of grass and greenery. It feels like all that has transpired since setting foot back in King’s Landing and that horrid dinner has escaped. It feels as if you are finally untouchable, finally at peace.

“Well, you surely haven’t given up your uncomely behaviors.”

Then it’s swiftly shattered.

Slowly, you exhale in hot annoyance. Tension rises in your muscles and a warmth rises in your face and across your nerves. You turn around in the waters and see the face of none other than Aegon himself, your uncle and the only one unfortunate enough to know this place of solitude of yours. All because of a few moments of weakness you both had in your youths.

Aegon stands with a grin, releasing the reins of his horse and slowly stalking forward with his hands folding behind his back. A bad feeling settles into your stomach, not fear or even intimidation – but disgust and anger, glaring at him so hot the water could boil if you angled your eyes down. Chuckling to himself, no doubt already forming words of weapon along his tongue, you speak before he can again – doing nothing whatsoever to conceal your disdain or contempt.

“And you have not given up being a cunt.”

Immediately, he laughs, shaking his head to shake those silvery-white waves on his head as violet eyes screw shut in amusement. Pink lips relax into a crooked drop of a grin as he slowly steps forward on the grass. “Oh, such a foul mouth from a princess but what is to be expected after the Strong bastards became savages at supper?”,he pushes with an obvious contempt in his gaze as he stops at your pile of clothing.

Grinding your teeth and pushing towards the edge of the lake, you scoff and contemplate if you should drown him. “Smug cunt…”,you mutter under your breath before you shake your head and stand on the surface of the lake near the edge. The waters move, lapping at your navel as you glare at Aegon. “What are you doing here? I’d think you had enough wine to put you to sleep for quite sometime – one would wish permanently.”,you speak loudly, sharply as your eyes flicker along his features.

Those doe-like violet eyes hold no shame in taking in your body made obvious in the clinging, wet fabric. You ignore the remnants of what existed in a time before, they linger in the depths of your stomach as Aegon finally develops the courtesy to meet your eyes. That lazy, smug expression painting his face of fair porcelain. “I knew you would come here after that little display at supper. What uncle would I be if I allowed my niece to dangerously dip into cold waters with no protection?” The idea of him being a caring man, makes you laugh in a barking, snarky manner. He continues with an eye roll. “And I am wounded if you think three glasses of wine enough to put me to sleep.”

“One wishes.”,you remark swiftly before you shake your head and turn away,”Leave. I am fine on my own. Gods know you’re about as good with your sword as you are with holding that serpent tongue.”,you speak a bit louder to be heard while turned away.

For a few moments there’s a stretch of silence and you foolishly, naively, pray Aegon is simply going to accept your words. Unfortunately, he chuckles. “Tell me, niece.”,he begins and your eyes roll so hard it nearly hurts,”And what if you were to lose your clothes by some thief?” Stiffening immediately, you turn quickly in the water and Aegon grins while holding your clothes in his hands. Grinding your teeth, you quickly leave the waters, his loud laughter only working to make you all the more agitated.

Cold air brushes your body soaked in water, you shudder and swear beneath your breath until you reach Aegon. Snatching your things from him, you shake your head and grunt in annoyance. “Why must you be this way! All these years and you’ve not changed from the drunken, boorish, cunt of a man you have always been!”,you shout furiously while dropping your things to the side to keep them from being soaked in your embrace. Aegon’s eyes widen, those already round doe eyes growing bigger in your words. But you continue, regardless of his reaction shifting from shock to anger. “Always the jester, right? Always the insufferable cunt that I would not even let Vermithor eat less I taint the poor beast!”

“Has he not been tainted already by a bastard whore sitting atop him?”,Aegon immediately snaps, getting so close to you that his shoulder knocking yours forces a stumble back. But you catch yourself, looking up at Aegon with wide eyes and a furious sneer in the face of words pushed through you like arrows of Valyrian steel arrowtips. “You’ve not changed either – high and mighty in your belief of superiority because of your dragon, your demeanor as sincere as a fucking snake’s with a mouth as tainted as her cunt.”

Always Aegon. Always. Usually so patient and refined, what a princess should be, it always feels as if you’ve inhaled something toxic and poisonous when you even come close to the atmosphere of your uncle. Something that makes you quick to anger, irrational, furious – everything bad and yet remnants of what once was, stir in the depths of your stomach as your eyes burn between his and hand twitches at your side. You’re trying to keep your patience, to not let him see how badly he’s pushed you and to not begin what will always end the same as you scoff and step back. Your eyes are searing into his face of anger.

“Fuck you.”,you spit, shoving past him.

“Yes, go on then, princess. Back to your bastard brothers and whore mo–”

The slap that ripples through the air stings your hand hot and jerks Aegon’s face to the side. Panting heavily, your wide, angry eyes look along his features with a heavy chest. Then you hit the ground when a rough shove sends you down.

“You bitch–”

“Get off of me!”

Loud shouting and arguing fills the air as Aegon falls down to straddle your lap, your kicking doing nothing and the hits of your hands and arms only doing so much. It isn’t until you land a punch across Aegon’s face that the hot, tense, and violent atmosphere shifts. Shifting when Aegon turns sharply to look down at you and a droplet of blood from his nose drips down onto your face.

You flinch at the warm droplet and your eyes widen as you look up into his violet eyes. Both of you pant heavily, Aegon’s left hand pinning down your wrist while his other presses to his face. Your hand not restrained is still clenched in a fist against your chest. Panting heavily, your brows twitch as more droplets spill where his hand shifts to hold his nose. Aegon’s violet eyes flicker along your features, his white brows furrowing slowly as he rubs at the underside of his nose with his sleeve then slowly sits up and releases your wrist. For a few moments, you expect retaliation in a hit or some sort of impact.

But Aegon simply pushes off of you with a hot scoff.

Slowly, you sit up and look up at him. Only allowing yourself two seconds before you scoff yourself and get up, gathering your clothes.

“It is so like you to ruin something good…”,you mutter angrily while frustratingly tugging up the garments.

Aegon is silent, unnervingly so. Then he isn’t.

“I’m aware, niece.”

Pausing, you turn and look at him as he holds his nose, face smeared in blood and hand the same. Seeing the blood stain his skin makes your jaw tighten, some horrid remnants of what you once held for him bringing about guilt in your stomach. This place once one of solace for not just you but him eventually, solace away from the crown in empty talks of fleeing and finding home someplace else to never be seen again. You shift your teeth and you hesitate before you sigh, anger still trembling in your veins and breathing still slightly heavy as you walk past Aegon. But your hand catches his index and middle finger wrapped in your fingers, guiding him to the edge of the lake.

Aegon follows slowly and when you sit down in your loose garments, he follows with violet eyes burning into you but his body more relaxed and at ease. You kneel in the grass and rip at your shift, ripping the soft white linen sleeve and dipping the fabric into the water before you turn. Aegon’s face begins to begrudgingly soften as you cup his jaw and clean the blood from his face with the cloth staining red. Droplets still roll down your nose and cheeks from your wet hair and hairline. Your uncle only some years your senior watches you.

Then he breaks the silence when you sweep the cloth along his chin.

“You still hit like a brutish man.”,he speaks, uncharacteristically quiet and soft.

This would bring an amused smile on your lips in any other case, but your soul and mouth is so bittered of Aegon you can only muster a gentle curl of the corner of your lips. “You still fight like a girl.”,you reply. Aegon seems more inclined to an ease, his pink lips smiling a bit as you lift his jaw to get the splashes of dark blood beneath it. Then you shake your head and exhale softly, brows furrowing in anger at him. Both from the depths of your soul and an obligation to your brothers and mother. When you release his face, you dip the cloth and take his hand covered in blood.

“I still come here.”,Aegon breaks the silence. Your movements pause for a moment, eyes flickering up to look into his doe-like violet eyes. Aegon nods, his violet eyes watching your hand clean the already drying and smearing blood. Then they shift and you blink, following his gaze to a slab of stone. In the moonlight, you can just make out glasses spilled about and bottles the same. Something aches in your chest and you turn back to his hand, your movements quickening just a bit.

His unusual softness feels as if things may take a turn. You don’t want them to. Out of fear that you’ll be unable to offer sentiments in return. And fear that you will.

“You’re drunk, uncle.”

“Three glasses.”

“Perhaps your tolerance has–”

“You’ve become quite a princess.”

Stopping your movements on his hand, you shake your head and you look to his eyes focusing in on you. Soft and slightly glassy.

“Aegon. Please stop.”,your voice is firm, brows furrowing together and lips in a thin line, hand fisting around the bloody torn cloth. Aegon’s violent eyes flicker between yours and he shakes his head, he leans in close and you’re unable to push him away or stop him – out of weakness internal not external – when his arms wrap around your waist. His presses his face into the center of your breasts and exhales shakily. You stiffen up and grind your teeth, looking up to the sky. “Oh…Aegon…”,you exhale shakily, dropping the cloth in the grass to cradle his head against your chest.

He immediately sighs, shaky and slightly broken. Then he swallows thickly. “You hate me?”,Aegon mutters against your chest.

You, sincerely and honestly, nod. “How could I not?”,you breathe, your chest aching and stomach twisting. “You hate me just the same do you not?”

Aegon nods without hesitation. “I wish for your death earnestly. I believe it’s the only time I pray.” Your brows sew up and you nod, then his hands bunch in the fabric of your gown dampened by that of the dress beneath. There’s a lull of silence, your breathing, his, the whistling wind and distant crickets. Then he exhales and nods. “Do you wonder how different we could have been had we been married against the wishes of my mother and wants of your own?” Your chest clenches and your eyes screw shut, your hand gently smoothes through his silvery locks. “I believe I would’ve been a good man.”

“Or I a caged bird.”,you reply softly, not willing to admit you don’t think of it from time to time but not willing to lie either.

He hums, then he sighs and shakes his head. “I would have been a good husband to you, I could have been. I was good before, wasn't I?” And Aegon slowly pulls his head back, you look down at him as those violet eyes gaze up at you. He exhales shakily despite the obvious attempt he’s holding to remain hardened. “Before all that transpired…before the words of my mother – before the crown…”,Aegon trails off. As if it’s too painful to even reiterate or discuss all the various ways a family was torn in half.

The way you and him were torn in half.

Your eyes flicker across his face, you nod with a weak smile. “You still could have been great, Aegon…”,you’re almost breathless in soft whispers, throat suddenly full and words thick. A stinging shifting your nose and bringing the matching glass appearance to your eyes that Aegon’s harbor. “You could still be good, great…it isn’t too late.” And Aegon shakes his head, he exhales deeply.

“I do not care for it if it is not for you…before you…I suppose it proves how horrendous I truly am.”,he bitterly remarks. Your brows furrow and he shakes his head as he looks across your features. “I believe this hate will exist and rot out my insides for as long as the poison lives. Until…Until my father and mother pass on. You’re a bastard – whether I love you or not the fact remains such and I am…well I am worse.”

Aegon’s words make your heart bleed, ache, it makes all of you heavier and more exhausted with that of the crown and all expectations. Screwing your eyes shut, you shake your head and lean down to meet his forehead with your own.

“Mayhaps once my mother takes the throne…death will not be needed. Perhaps all we might need is our dragons.”,you whisper softly, his body shifting to sit up. Not disconnecting your foreheads but rather taking your cheeks in his cold hands.

He shakes his head. “Naath.”

“The palm trees.”,you whisper softly, words of naive youth before being broken by a missing eye and final word of a forbidden swear fill the air.

He smiles just a bit. “The butterflies.” You smile a bit and you exhale shakily, when he leans in, you feel his lips brush your own. Your body urges you forward, but your head and soul know better.

Then you slowly tilt your head back and away from him, his hands slip so his thumbs rest together against your chin. Looking into his eyes, Aegon nods and you shake your head. “I refuse to kiss you when you taste of wine…you know this…”,you hum as you reach up and gently hold his wrists. Thumbs stroking his pulse points.

Aegon hesitates before he parts his lips and shuts them, then he opens them and he exhales deeply. “Return on dragonback on the morrow…you’ll find no wine.”,he promises without the words. Your eyes widen and lips part, Aegon nods eagerly and he holds your face just a bit tighter. “I–Perhaps you are right, when my half-sister sits upon the throne, mayhaps we will finally find solace. I hate you, you hate me but once all is settled and assured…we–we can be as we were, in Naath as we promised years ago.”

His words throw you off, your eyes wide and lips parted. Your heart aches and twists, but that familiar feeling once thought to be squashed rises slowly. A soft smile toys at the corner of your lips and Aegon smiles softly, his white brows sewn upwards. “I…will return on dragonback with my mother.”,you nod gently, your brows twitching.

“We grew to hate one another from love…we can grow to love again from hate…”,Aegon whispers softly, nodding firmly with dull eyes suddenly brighter,”Tomorrow.”

You smile softly and nod.

“Tomorrow.”

It seemed childhood naivety never left a bastard far too forgiving and a drunk far too insecure, because tomorrow would come but love would never bloom from hate. Not again.

Daemon: I’d kill someone if you asked me to.

Rhaenyra: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to.

(x)

Billie Eilish - Therefore I am

RED QUEEN — VICTORIA AVEYARD (INSP)

They all laughed.