I'll Come Running - R.C. - Chapter 51

I'll Come Running - R.C. - Chapter 51

A couple days had passed and Jessie and Rafe were finally making it back to OBX. Both of them were in an argument about who was more excited to see Charlotte. Both of them thought they won.

The last couple of days were spent laughing, hiking, lounging, shopping, eating, and every fun thing in between. After Rafe and Jessie's heart to heart the first morning they were there, it was decided then on what they would and would not do. Even though a small part of Jessie wanted to continue to get a little wild just for fun, she listened to Rafe and tried to take their trip as an opportunity to really heal instead of continuing to put a bandaid over a bullet hole. Rafe was glad she decided to do so, for his daughter, but also because he of course was terrified that he was going to slip back into his old ways. If he was completely honest, he felt terrible for giving in that night, and was fighting his own demons in his head about that. But he had to convince himself just like he did Jessie... they're moving forward, together.

"Who do you think she's gonna run up to first?" Jessie asked with a stupid grin on her face as she lay piled up in the passenger seat of Rafe's truck. They were only a few minutes out and if Jessie's nonstop yapping about coming home wasn't enough to show her excitement, that question sure was. Rafe just laughed and kept looking at the road, trying not to show the clear annoyance he had with her questions. He knew she was excited, and he was too... but damn.

"I don't know babe." Rafe answered plainly through a half smile. Jessie disregarded his dismissiveness and looked out the window with a smile.

"I can't wait to see her." Jessie replied, still looking at the country road and the trees passing by in a blur. Jessie then realized that Rafe was going pretty fast, maybe he really was just as anxious to get home as she was.

"I know." Rafe joked as he looked over at Jessie for a fleeting moment. Jessie then could tell that she probably needed to shut up. Although she stopped talking, Rafe couldn't help but notice her uncontrollable fidgeting from excitement. He loved when she got giddy, it was few and far between for the girl that centered her life around being calm cool and collected.

Rafe put a little more pressure on the gas as he set his strong hand over Jessie's twitching leg. He hoped it would calm her down, and of course it did. The truth is, Rafe was just as ready to be home as Jessie was. However, his anxiousness stemmed less from excitement and more of needing to know that his daughter was okay. He wondered if she cried herself to sleep while they were gone because her mommy and daddy weren't there. He wondered if JJ let her get hurt. He wondered if JJ kissed her booboos like her parents always did when she scrapped her knee or bumped her head. He wondered if she had eaten well. He wondered if the Pogues kept her entertained. He just had to know she was happy and healthy more than anything.

The couple finally pulled into the driveway of the Chateau. Before Rafe could throw the truck in park Jessie was already unbuckled. They must have heard Rafe's truck pull in the driveway because he wasn't even half way there yet and he could see the porch door swing open and clash against the side of the house with fury as he watched his toddler come barreling out. God, how did she look older already? He hadn't been a dad for long, yet he felt like every day he wasn't with her was a day she had grown up so much and he had missed it. Every time he blinked it seemed like he'd open his eyes and she'd be even less little.

Rafe finally put the truck in park and Jessie flew out of the passenger side and ran across the yard to her daughter. Rafe was honestly surprised she even waited until he stopped. Nonetheless, he laughed at his excited wife as he stepped out of the truck himself to hear one of his favorite voices.

"MOMMYYYYYYYY!" Charley screamed from the top of her lungs with excitement. He heard both of his girls laugh as Jessie reached down to accept the impending hug, which quickly turned into a football tackle. Jessie withstood the blow as she stood up and spun her daughter around.

"Charleeeeeyyyyy!" Jessie replied in the same excited manner. As Rafe was walking over to his girls he noticed JJ sauntering out of the Chat with something suspicious between his lips. Before he could say anything, he was met with the voice that was sure enough to distract him.

"Daddyyyy!" Charley yelled as she ran away from her mother and over to her father. Rafe immediately peeled his eyes away from his brother in law and looked down to open his arms and wait for Charley to fall right in them so he could scoop her up. That's exactly what happened. Rafe tossed his beloved daughter in the air as she screamed.

"How's my little girl doing?" Rafe asked as he set the child comfortably on his hip. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and squeezed tightly as if she was gonna lose him. Rafe simply melted into the embrace and brought his other arm around to rub her back as he laid his head on top of hers.

"Goooood." Charley replied with her face buried bashfully in her daddy's chest.

"I'm glad princess." Rafe simply responded. By this point the two of them were walking up towards the Chat, but before they could even make it to the stairs Jessie was quick to point out the obvious with a smirk on her face.

"Whatcha got there big boy?" Jessie asked as she put two fingers up to her lips in mockery. JJ looked tired- no, straight up defeated- as he blew the cloud of smoke and gave his sister a look that said save it.

"I told you she made me wanna smoke." JJ simply replied with a slouched posture as he kicked himself up against the wooden post.

"Yeah well next time..." Jessie said as she walked up the steps. She met her brother at the top with her signature smirk as she took the joint from his lips and stuck it in her mouth, allowing her tongue to roll the blunt back as she put out the end of it with the roof her mouth, no hands needed. "Wait to smoke when we get home and you're officially off duty from watching my kid." Jessie sassed as she took the weed out of her mouth and threw it in the yard. JJ watched the wrapper fly into their withered flowerbeds and looked back at Jessie with a pissed off expression.

"First of all, your little party trick is lame, and second of all, I didn't light that bitch till I saw yall pull in the drive way... and you should consider yourself lucky I waited till then." JJ corrected his sister but to no avail. Jessie simply scoffed and shook her head as she walked inside with Rafe following close behind.

Rafe simply pursed his lips and widened his eyes as he passed by JJ, but not before giving him a few pats on the back as if to silently confirm that he lost the argument.

"Hey, at least you got some while you were gone." JJ retorted as he looked back at Rafe, to which he just responded with a laugh and shake of his head as he walked in the house. JJ followed closely behind.

"Where's Wheezie?" Rafe asked as he set Charley down in the living room. Jessie was already in the floor ready to play with her daughter as she started messing with the dolls in front of her. Rafe looked back up and put his hands in his pockets to find that JJ had disappeared into the dark hallway. Rafe wondered where he went and furrowed his brows as he looked back over at Jessie for an explanation. Jessie didn't respond, instead she gave her husband a knowing look.

Sure enough, just a few moments later, footsteps could be heard and Rafe could see the flicker of a flame coming closer and closer, eventually revealing JJ with a joint stuck between his lips once again. He blew out the cloud of smoke in the general vacinity of the living room, intentionally looking at Jessie as he did it as if to say I got more.

Rafe quickly countered the motion by waving his hand deliberately through the cloud of smoke he just puffed in the direction of his girls, not daring to miss the opportunity of a death glare as well. JJ was pulled out of his menacing state and looked over at Rafe and remembered he had asked him a question.

"She's with Sarah and John B, they went fishing."

"How's she holding up." Jessie asked, still playing with the dolls on the floor.

"Eh, kids are resilient." JJ waved her question off as he stuck the joint back in his mouth again.

"That's not what I asked." Jessie sassed. She could tell Rafe wasn't particularly fond of his answer either, as he just stuck his hands back in his pockets and visibly tensed out of frustration. Jessie was already ready to be alone with Rafe again, simply for the fact that they were once again thrown into a heaping pile of shit the second they came home. They expected as much, but no amount of expectation can prepare for the real shit show. JJ rolled his eyes and formulated an actual answer.

"She was mopey of course, but, she's coming around. Sarah's helping a lot." JJ responded. Rafe still didn't take his word for it, and Jessie could see that. The truth is, Rafe just wanted to see her for himself.

"When will they be back?" Rafe asked with a sigh, clearly not in the mood to mince words.

"Probably when they've caught our dinner." JJ only half joked. Jessie was quick to pick up on it though.

"You're... out of food?" Jessie asked with a tinge of worry and mostly judgement in her voice.

"For the most part yeah."

"What did you feed my kid?" Rafe was quick to beat Jessie to that question, his concern and judgement clear across his face.

"Dude, who do you think ate it all?" JJ said defensively as he gestured his hands over towards the toddler. Both Jessie and Rafe laughed a little after his outburst, realizing that he had a point and he probably wasn't used to having enough food in the house to keep a small child alive and thriving. "Do you really think I would let that girl starve?" JJ asked slightly annoyed. Rafe just gave Jessie a look that said yes I do.

"No, we don't, JJ." Jessie interjected despite her husband's face showing more than doubt. "We just worry about her is all. It's our job to protect her."

"Yeah, yeah, noise noise. Hey, look! There they are!" JJ dismissed his sister as he pointed out towards the marsh.

- - -

It was now dinner time and Pope and Kiara had now joined the party. They were all sitting out by the fire comfortably eating their freshly caught fish, even Charley didn't mind what her mother was feeding her, although Jessie knew she would eat just about anything smothered in ketchup. The dining room table in the Chateau simply wasn't big enough for everyone that night, so they opted to eat under the stars surrounded by the cool night air. None of them minded, of course. The fire was oddly quiet, all that could be heard was the clanging of forks on plates. Nobody seemed to have much to say after they all finished catching up from Jessie and Rafe's little getaway. They all seemed to sit their awkwardly, as if they didn't know what to talk about next, other than the obvious questions of what now?

Jessie and Rafe being the adults in the situation expected as much though, and they'd be lying if they said they weren't prepared to break the ice when they got back and have the tough conversations. They were willing to bet that none of the pogues were brave enough just yet to make any decisions regarding where to go and what to do with the cross. Luckily, Rafe and Jessie had spent a little time planning while they were away. They knew that even though they didn't want to discuss this anymore than the rest of them, that they were going to need a plan, and soon. Every day they were there was another day they were exposed. The pogues knew this too, but with a distraught Wheezie thrown in the mix they all seemed to have a newfound reverence for the situation. It wasn't like they just had themselves to worry about anymore. Jessie and Rafe now knew the feeling well of having to base your decision on what's best for someone else-- someone much more vulnerable to your opinions and decisions.

The couple just continued to look around and read the room, occasionally stealing glances at the other and silently saying you go first. The two of them played this game almost all through dinner, but eventually Jessie of course got tired of the waiting and decided to finally just say what needed to be said, which didn't come as a surprise to anyone.

"So..." Jessie began as she cleared her throat and looked around the circle. "Have you guys talked about where we should go? Because we can't stay here." She said plainly as she searched everyone's face for answers. This was a moment that proved that despite this group growing through so much, they still felt and acted like teens sometimes, as they clearly were taken aback by her question. Jessie knew a thing or two about having to be the adult even when she didn't want to be, and this was no different. Finally Wheezie spoke up.

"W-What do you mean we can't stay here?" The tween asked as she looked at Jessie with concern. Rafe noticed it immediately and interrupted before Jessie could give one of her signature blunt speeches.

"Wheez..." Rafe started as he cleared his throat and looked her way with sincere empathy, "We definitely can't stay here, it's not safe for you when all of Kildare thinks you're dead."

"Yeah, and we've still got the cross to think about." Pope interjected. Jessie visibly tried not to roll her eyes at Pope once again bringing that damn treasure into the conversation. She took a deep breath to stop herself from speaking before thinking.

"Yes... we do." Rafe interjected before his wife could speak, knowing that was best. He looked back at Wheezie. "But Wheez, you can't stay here."

The Pogues didn't interrupt, they knew he was right. Wheezie knew he was right too, but she still couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

"Well... w-where am I gonna go?" Wheezie asked with a concerned look towards her older brother. Rafe still met her gaze with so much sympathy. As much as he hated his father, he knew now what it meant to Ward to keep his daughters safe. He couldn't help but take that responsibility on himself now.

"Yukatan!" JJ piped up as he stuck his finger in the air as if he just had an epiphany. Everyone couldn't help but hang their heads and laugh a little, Rafe included.

"Well," Jessie spoke up. "That's actually what Rafe and I wanted to talk to you guys about... we think somewhere out of the country is best... we think it's necessary." She explained with hope in her tone. The Pogues looked around at each other, thinking it wasn't the worst idea.

"T-this is crazy, w-what am I gonna do about school and and and my friends and-"

"Wheezie," Sarah interrupted with a calm demeanor as she put her hand on her sisters knee. "You'll be okay, trust me... this is hard, but, not as hard as it would be trying to get your life back on track here."

"Yeah, wheeze, you'd be a spectacle here, and everything would just be stirred back up and... we don't need anymore trouble." Rafe explained. He could see the gears turning in Wheezie's head. "Look... I know this is hard but... I need you to think like an adult right now okay-"

"I don't wanna think like an adult!" Wheezie cut her brother off with a thunderous voice as she stood up from her seat. "You wanna tell me to act like an adult but you don't want to treat me like one! Nobody has even asked me what I wanna do!"

Before Rafe could say anything else he watched as his little sister stormed off into the house grumbling under her breath. Everyone looked around, not quite sure what to say. Jessie, however, knew exactly what to do. She could see Rafe grow frustrated as he inhaled a sharp breath, put his hands on his knees and got up from his seat, undoubtedly to go talk some sense into his little sister. Jessie intervened immediately, meeting his actions with the same motion.

"Let me." Jessie pleaded as she looked at Rafe from across the fire. He looked at her with doubt.

"Jessie, no, you shouldn't-"

"Trust me." Jessie begged as she held her hands up to Rafe's chest, trying to get him to stop resisting. He simply exhaled the breath he was holding and listened to his wife. He wasn't quite sure what she was going to say, but he figured with how good she was with words, she could get her to come around.

Jessie gave her husband a look of sincere gratefulness as he stood down. Rafe returned back to his seat and summoned Charley over with her food to help her continue eating. With that, Jessie turned around and went up to the Chat.

As Jessie walked up the gravel she could hear the distant chatters and clanging of forks once more. She knew they were talking about Wheezie and probably trying to figure out what to do, but she had it all under control.

Jessie walked into the screened in porch and opened the front door, now easing into the living room to find a distressed teenager sitting on the sofa staring into nothing. Been there don't that Jessie thought. She propped herself up on the entry way and knocked slightly. Wheezie's head shot up as she realized she wasn't alone. Her eyes were wide with surprise.

"God, can you not sneak up on me like that?" Wheezie sneered. Jessie just chuckled, folding her arms across her chest, seeming to ignore her request.

"I've been sneaking for a long long time, Wheez... it's what's kept me alive... and it's what's gonna keep you alive too."

Wheezie just scoffed and shook her head at the statement. Jessie decided to keep going with her speech.

"But look..." Jessie began as she kicked herself off the wall and walked over to her sister in law. "It's just you and me here, and I'm gonna treat you like an adult." Jessie took a seat next to Wheezie. "You haven't been treated like an adult by your siblings because you really haven't had to be one yet. Your brother and sister probably saw you as the annoying little sibling that just wanted be grown up like them... but it's not as fun as you think. This world is filled with tough choices and plenty of times where you have to think about people other than yourself. This is one of those times." Jessie could see Wheezie taking the words in and truly processing them. "And trust me... I get it... it's hard being forced to grow up. I know that better than any of those guys out there. You and I... we've got a lot in common, Wheeze. But the one thing you have that I didn't when I was your age is siblings that love you enough to always do what's best for you. We're not gonna let anything happen to you, but you gotta trust us."

"How do you know what's best for me? You just got back after leaving my brother for years! You made him into a monster!"

Jessie didn't take those words to heart, she knew the look in Wheezie's eyes was one of pure hurt. Jessie just cocked her head and looked around the room. Wheezie couldn't decide if she regretted those words or not. Without another word said, Jessie simply got up from the couch, and walked down the hall to grab something from her room. Wheezie heard Jessie's combat boots stomping back into the living room with a black leather jacket in her hand. Jessie stood in front of Wheezie on the other side of the coffee table and threw the jacket down in front of her where she could see the emblem clearly on the back of her jacket.

"That jacket..." Jessie said with a seriousness in her voice as she pointed down to it and cocked her hip slightly. "Is proof that I make the tough choice in order to do what's best for others. That jacket, Wheezie, is proof that I grew up a lot damn faster than I ever wanted to. And your dad was a piece of shit just like mine, and let me tell you something..." Jessie said in an eerily hushed tone as she got eye level with the girl in front of her. "The only difference between me and you is that you're not ready to admit it."

Jessie saw once again the fear behind Wheezie's eyes as she drank in every last word.

"You want to be treated like an adult? Consider it done. I don't envy the war going on in your head right now... it's the same war that I had in mine for way too long. But one day... life gets so complicated that you just don't care... and you do what you gotta do to stay alive and to keep the people you love safe. You do things like signing your life away to a gang or moving to a third world country and convincing everyone you're dead... such is life, Wheeze. You wanna be treated like an adult? Act like one."

Jessie took her jacket off the table and slipped it onto her body. Wheezie took notice how it fit her like a second skin, clearly worn almost every day to mold to her so well. She could tell that Jessie didn't say those things to intimidate her, but to encourage her. She trusted Jessie when she said she understood. Wheezie simply took a deep breath, licked her lips and looked up at the woman in front of her with a fierceness.

"Yukatan?" Wheezie asked. Jessie smiled and nodded.

"Yukatan."

All I’ve done today is smile at my phone while looking at pictures of Drew

It’s been a great day

I’m so proud but also… he’s not a secret anymore 😭

you guys.. 😭

drew

I'll Come Running - R.C. - Chapter 45

Rafe shook his head at his wife's words, along with the boys in the back seat.

"You have lost your mind." Rafe said plainly, not bothering to look away from the road. Jessie just laughed and shifted her weight over to the passenger side window, propping her arm on the ledge and kicking one of her feet on the dash to recline a little further.

"No, I don't think I have, Rafe. I think I just saved all our asses. And now we can go back to the church, get the cross and then split to wherever we want to." Jessie explained confidently.

The rest of the ride was silent, not from shock, just from pure exhaustion. Rafe knew he was fighting a losing battle trying to reason with Jessie when she was being so... unreasonable. JJ knew it too.

They all made it back to the church, Jessie picking up the bike much to the behest of JJ.

"Stop." JJ said as he put a hand over Jessie's, who had a handle on the bike. "I'll drive it home. You need to go with Rafe." JJ explained sympathetically. Jessie scoffed in response.

"Why? I'm not some kid, JJ."

"I didn't say you needed to be babysat... but you might wanna consider Rafe in this." JJ replied as he gestured over to the man who was now helping John B and Pope get the cross out of church.

"He's a big boy. He knows how to-"

"Jessie." JJ interrupted, this time with more force in his tone. "You're slipping... into old habits and old bad behavior... Rafe's worried about you. You get really dangerous when you put up this wall and we've both seen it first hand. So even if you decide not to change anything tonight... you at least need to just sit with him and let him know you're there."

"What about me, Jayj? Did you ever consider that maybe I'm tired of worrying about other people? I've been worried about my child for the last four years and now I've invited Rafe into the mix which of course got me into worrying about you guys again. Maybe I'm tired of being responsible for all of you? Maybe I just want to be able to do what I gotta do without judgement? Did you ever consider that?"

"Jessie, of course I did. Rafe and I both understand where your heads at. But right now is not the time to push back on us trying to care for you."

"I never needed anyone to care about me... you know that better than anyone."

"Just because you didn't need it doesn't mean you can't accept it when it's there." JJ whispered with a pleading look on his face. "It's here, Jess. We're here, caring about you. I know that's new for you but please open your heart up to people worrying about you."

Jessie looked at her brother still with a hard stare of disapproval, but JJ could tell he got her thinking. He took the moment of vulnerability to swipe the bike away from her, gently pulling the handle towards him.

"I'm taking the bike home. I'll meet you guys there." JJ said sternly as he swung his leg over the side. "We love you, Jessie. Never forget that."

Jessie didn't have any words, instead she watched her brother rev the bike and speed off into the night. Before she could turn around she felt a pair of big strong arms wrap around her torso.

"You ready to go?" Rafe whispered gently in her ear, as if not to spook her. Jessie didn't want to be held right now considering she was still not in the best place with Rafe after what happened earlier that day, yet she couldn't bring herself to pull away. She stood there playing with the skin of her lips as she contemplated an answer.

"Yes." Jessie muttered as she unfolded Rafe's arms and walked over to the truck. Rafe didn't protest, as he knew he would get his moment to talk with Jessie about what was going on in her mind at some point. He knew she was most definitely still upset with him over the argument they had earlier that morning, and he couldn't fault her completely for any of her actions after that. Right now he knew he didn't need to be helpful, he needed to be harmless, as that was what was going to keep Jessie engaged. With that, Rafe followed his wife silently back to the truck as the four of them made their way back to JJ's.

- - -

Rafe woke up the next morning to sunlight blinding him, realizing him and Jessie forgot to close the blinds last night before they slumped into bed and fell asleep rather quickly. He was thankful JJ had volunteered to let Charley sleep in the bed with him, as he knew Rafe and his sister probably needed a minute to themselves simply to breath. The night alone was good for them, yet Rafe still couldn't help but feel a very thick tension between them.

Rafe finally decided to get out of bed, making his way sleepily to the kitchen in nothing but athletic shorts. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eye he opened up the cabinets to look for any breakfast food, eventually finding some cereal. He knew JJ probably wouldn't have much, so the cereal was actually a nice surprise. As he poured himself a bowl he heard a door open, the creaks being impossible to ignore. He also heard little footsteps waddle down the hall that he couldn't mistake for anyone else other than his precious daughter. He smiled before he ever turned around, his ears loving the sound of her toes tapping on the wood, knowing she was probably toting a stuffed animal and wearing bed head that could challenge her mother's.

Rafe turned with his bowl in hand and propped himself on the kitchen counter behind him, looking towards the hallway to sure enough find his brown haired little girl shuffling towards him.

"Good morning, sweet girl." Rafe beamed, his stress immediately melting away at the sight of her. He hadn't really gotten to see her since everything went down at the church, and he couldn't help but worry about her mental state. Fortunately, with her being so young and out of touch with reality, she didn't seem phased. Rafe was so grateful for that, as he wanted to keep her as innocent and untouched by the harsh reality of this world as possible.

Much like her mother, Charley didn't say anything when she first woke up, only squinting her eyes and gesturing her arms up to her dad to signal she wanted to be held. Rafe of course understood the assignment and set down his bowl quickly to scoop her up. He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back as she laid her head on his shoulder contently.

"You want some cereal?" Rafe asked in a hushed tone, trying not to overwhelm her at this hour. To his surprise, she shook her head no. Rafe thought it was unusual considering she was almost always hungry when she woke up, but he disregarded it nonetheless.

"You wanna go outside and watch the waves?" Rafe asked sweetly, Charley still wrapped around his torso and head still slung over his broad shoulder. She simply nodded her head in response and Rafe took that as a sign of approval. With that understanding, he walked out onto the rickety front porch, silently making a note in his head to fix some of the shaky boards if they were going to be staying there for much longer. He couldn't have his little girl stepping wrong and falling through the porch. Rafe then took a seat on one of the wooden rocking chairs on the screened in porch, watching the sunlight pour in and the small waves come closer to the dock a few yards away.

"Does Uncle JJ know you're out here, baby?" Rafe asked as he side eyed his daughter, almost already knowing the answer. Sure enough, Charley popped her head up with a sheepish smile as she nodded her head slowly.

"I didn't think so." Rafe sing songed. He laughed at the idea of the heart attack his brother in law would have when he woke up to find Charley missing. He reveled in the idea of giving him a hard time about losing his daughter. Charley giggled a little herself as she went back to resting her head in the crook of Rafe's neck. Rafe was convinced she wasn't hungry because she wasn't completely done sleeping yet, so he let her lay there as he rocked her to sleep and watched the sun rise above the water in front of him.

This was all he wanted: his wife sleeping soundly in their bed and his daughter sleeping soundly on his chest, knowing the bills were paid, they were safe, and- most importantly - together. He would do anything to keep his family together, which made his mind drift to how in the world he was going to pull Jessie back to reality. It seemed like she jumped head first into the life she once lived, the life that was plagued with irresponsibility and selfish ambition, but then again, Rafe thought maybe he was being a little too hard on Jessie. Maybe they all were. After all, she did have to defend herself and her family in that split second decision. She did have to get rid of the evidence one way or another. And if Rafe was truthful, he would've done the same thing, but that was exactly what terrified him. He still didn't trust himself enough, he didn't trust his judgement. He knew he still had a long way to go before he could truly calm his heart and his mind and let his actions be a reflection of that.

Rafe was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps barreling down the hallway, eventually leading to a very frantic, disheveled blonde boy busting through the screen door. JJ looked around wildly, eventually turning and seeing Rafe holding his sleeping daughter and rocking her in the chair with a smug look on his face.

"Looking for this?" Rafe asked sarcastically. Normally he would've been pissed to know that JJ actually might've lost his daughter, but now it seemed totally lighthearted. JJ noticed, and so did Rafe. Maybe he really was changing?

"Uh... yeah." JJ said slowly with wide eyes. "Found her."

Rafe just snickered, trying not to let the rising and falling of his chest disturb his little girl from sleep. JJ chuckled with him as he took a deep breath of relief and ran his fingers through his blonde knotted hair and sat down beside his brother in law.

"How'd you sleep?" JJ asked, trying to distract from the fact that he definitely almost lost the kid he was in charge of.

"Pretty good. Thank you for taking Charley. Did she sleep okay?" Rafe asked in a hushed tone so as to not wake her up.

"Yeah, no, she slept fine... on top of me." JJ grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah... she does that." Rafe laughed, knowing all too well what JJ was referring to.

"She's a good kiddo... Jessie did good." JJ commented with sincere eyes. Rafe slowly nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, she did."

"What are we gonna do about her?" JJ asked. A pause overcame them, as neither one of them knew what to do.

"Well I don't think she needs a group intervention. You and I both know she's gonna shut down immediately."

"Agreed." Was all JJ could say, the thick silence enveloping them again.

"Honestly dude..." JJ spoke up as he ran his hand through his hair once more. "I think she needs to get away... like... you and her. You just gotta get her out of her fight or flight mode. She's high on stress and anxiety right now, probably feeling the weight of her actions and-"

"Nah, man..." Rafe mumbled with a shake of his head. "I'm worried that it's the exact opposite... I'm worried she's not thinking enough about the weight of her actions."

JJ couldn't disagree. Rafe spoke back up again.

"Didn't she seem just a little too trigger happy? Like she was..."

"Waiting for that moment." JJ completed Rafe's sentence with a low, ominous tone and a numb stare into nothing but the wooden floor. Rafe just nodded his head in agreement with a look of worry across his face.

"I'm just worried that..." Rafe began with a pause to think. "... that she's becoming a little too careless. I know that was what attracted me to her in the first place... her ability just to be free and not care but... it just seems now like it's a little too reckless."

"Yeah." JJ admitted without taking his hard stare off of the wooden floor, clearly deep in thought.

"I've seen it before dude... I've felt it. I know where she's going with all this..." Rafe replied with a distant stare as well.

"Well," JJ sighed as he slapped his hands on his knees and stood up to bring himself back to reality. "Then that should prove that she can come out of it... just like you did, man." JJ responded, trying to sound hopeful. "She's a piece of work, you know that." JJ joked with a half smile. "She'll come around."

Rafe nodded his head, not really as convinced as he should've been. He felt terrible for not believing in his wife as much as she believed in him even after years of being apart, and having plenty of opportunities to walk away. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling.

"Do you think maybe you and the others could watch Charley for a little while? Maybe a couple days so I can get Jessie alone and just try and talk to her?" Rafe asked.

"Of course man." JJ answered almost immediately with no hesitation.

"Just don't lose my kid." Rafe said with a half smile, although JJ knew he was completely serious despite the slight laugh escaping Rafe's lips. JJ laughed awkwardly and nodded his head in agreement.

"What're we talking about?" Jessie's voice ran through the porch air as the boys both watched her parade past the door, still waking up but alert nonetheless. Rafe thought this was the perfect time to present their plan.

"Hey, you." Rafe said softly with a smile as he looked up at his wife. "I, uh, actually wanted to talk to you about that." Rafe finished as he looked over at JJ, suddenly darting his eyes to his daughter on his chest and then back to JJ. Thankfully, JJ understood the assignment and got up from his spot on the couch to grab Charley from Rafe's arms. The little girl stirred just a little but not enough to where she couldn't go right back to sleep on JJ's chest as well. Jessie watched as her brother took her daughter back inside with a sympathetic smile on his face as he looked at her. Jessie felt it was almost as if JJ didn't know what to say to her, like he thought she was so fragile she would break... or explode... she was going with the latter. Jessie found it odd that JJ had to leave for this conversation.

"What is this an intervention?" Jessie joked as she crossed her arms and propped her body up against the railing of the porch on the opposite side of Rafe. Rafe leaned forward and put his hands together as he set them comfortably on is knees.

"No, baby." Rafe whispered with sympathy in his eyes. "I just... wanted to talk."

"Talk about what?" Jessie asked still lightheartedly, as if there truly was nothing to talk about.

"About yesterday..." Rafe sighed, looking at his wife for any sign of understanding, remorse... anything. Jessie just looked around and shrugged her shoulders.

"What about yesterday? We fought, we made up, we got over it. So what?"

Rafe hung his head in defeat.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about, Jess." Rafe whispered as he looked back up at his wife with more sadness in his eyes this time. He knew now that she was in a total state of oblivion and denial. Jessie breathed deeply as she looked at her feet, suddenly wiggling her toes looking for something to do.

"There's nothing to talk about. We all agreed that after last night we wouldn't speak about what happened." Jessie replied, still with a calm demeanor. Rafe didn't trust it, knowing that, just like him, she could go from zero to one hundred in a second.

"Yeah, but... you kinda just... did your own thing there for a minute and didn't even give any of us the time to talk about it with you." Rafe explained, still trying to come off as sympathetic and not wanting to cause a fight.

"Well you made it very clear that I had made a mistake that you felt the need to fix. So I fixed it. I took you and everyone else out of it so you wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions of your actions. You should really be thanking me, not having to deal with the weight of it all." Jessie shrugged. Rafe scratched his head and pursed his lips, not knowing where to go with that logic.

"Jessie... just because I wasn't the one pulling the trigger doesn't mean I didn't feel the weight...you know none of us actually thought you made a mistake in... doing what you did-"

"Then why did you say that?"

"Because... we were all just... in shock, okay? None of us knew what to say or do and..." Rafe ran out of words, not knowing what would help or hurt. Jessie kicked herself off of the railing and strutted over to her husband, propping herself on his lap with a smug look on her face. He saw the same... calculated... look in her eye that he saw the day she walked into his life in the Bahamas, a look that showed Jessie viewed this as nothing more than a game... a transaction. Rafe genuinely had no clue what was about to come out of her mouth, but he certainly wasn't prepared for it. Jessie wrapped her arms around his shoulders, playing with his dangling chain.

"I would think you of all people would be able to understand why I did what I did. You and I have both killed for people we love." Jessie whispered. The words made the hair stand up on the back of Rafe's neck and he could've sworn he felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't like being reminded of what he had done in the name of love... or at least... approval. Rafe once again was speechless, wrestling with the idea that maybe Jessie had a point. She killed to protect everyone in that church. She got rid of the evidence in the way that she did because time was working against them. She didn't have time to deal with opposition, she only had time to think strategically and act accordingly.

"But, Jessie, you just... shut off. We all saw it. You just... became emotionless."

Jessie nodded her head as if to understand exactly what they were referring to.

"You know what that feels like, don't you, Rafe? To block out all the noise and to remove yourself so far from emotions that you just... survive?" Jessie whispered as she paused to let Rafe soak in her words. His gaze was locked in on her lips, not out of lust, but out of horror. "I've survived more times than you will ever know. Yesterday was just another drop in the bucket." Jessie whispered coldly as she ran her wandering finger down Rafe's jawline. Rafe shivered at her touch, and she picked up on it with a chuckle. "You know what it's like to survive, Rafe... you can justify anything when you're just trying to live."

Jessie finally peeled her lust-filled eyes away from her husband and looked out towards the sun glistening over the water perfectly. She smiled at the sight, eventually her eyes landed on the glass table in front of her. Amongst the junk of abandoned car parts, beer bottles, and trinkets, Jessie found a half empty box of cigarettes, and a lighter so perfectly placed right beside it. She had no idea where the box came from, but she didn't care. Rafe couldn't stop looking at Jessie, still trying to read her mind or predict her next move, both seeming impossible at the moment.

Rafe watched as Jessie leaned over slightly to pick up the white box of Marlboro's. He choked on his words and before he could stop Jessie she was pulling out a cigarette ever so delicately and placing it in between her lips, taking the old, thin lighter and clicking it a few times to light the end of the white paper. She blew out a cloud of smoke and put the cigarette in between her fingers.

"Jessie I-"

"Aren't you tired of surviving, Rafe?" Jessie asked, making sure to look directly in his wild eyes with her trademark regal demeanor. Rafe didn't respond... he couldn't. "How about we stop surviving... and we start living again... like we used to." She implied in a hushed tone with a smirk. Without breaking her stare, she brought the cigarette up to her lips and inhaled once more, eventually letting the smoke out of the side of her mouth.

Rafe felt a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. The same feeling he felt the night he met Jessie. The feeling of wanting what she had: the ability to live.