After All This Time... [SF9 Zuho Oneshot]

After all this time... [SF9 Zuho Oneshot]

♥ I wanna ask you to read this while listening to Dylan Conrique’s “Birthday Cake” on loop ♥

[Warnings: ANGST!, Heartbreak!, toxic relationship, commitment issues, wrong understanding of what love is, relationship fights, gn!reader]

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Your love life had a sad beginning and you always were convinced it would have a sad ending too. You and Zuho have had a relationship for 3 years now. From the start it had been an unhealthy one. Him having commitment issues and you being so love deprived throughout your whole life that everytime someone loved you, you thought you would have to do something to deserve it. Zuho and you getting into a relationship was a miracle. It took 4 attempts to finally be able to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. People always thought you two were the perfect couple, your relationship being so ‘powerful and strong’ when truely it was a day to day fight. This hasn’t always been the case. After about one year of Zuho and you tricking yourself into believing that what you had was love for life the fassade and all the fakeness started falling apart. The trigger point was Zuho’s commitment issues coming back to life, although they where never gone but instead just buried deep down in a chest of untouched feelings. What made it bearable for you two was the fact that you where the one who always tried to push him into thinking different. You remembered him that he would not have to walk alone but instead you would take his hand, him sometimes being more strict to himself and sometimes giving in to your words easily. ‘Communication is key’ was your motto. Putting this rule into practice was barely needed because you two were lacking problems. Thats what you two thought. Thats what you had to pretend for your little bush of roses to keep growing and, of course, to hide what was underneath it. There came a time where both of you thought you would never face any hardships in your relationship so that you two agreed on instantly talking it out if one of you had a problem, not realising that, this being a lie, would’ve been needed way before you set it. 

Two full years into your relationship and a little war of pointing at each other and telling your partner that they had a problem and them not admitting it, on both sides, had started. Pretending that your relationship was all fine was getting harder and harder. Your opinion was always the stronger one while Zuho never seemed to face his issues. Occassionally you would wake up from that rage fit and at that time this was the last straw that kept you two at stake. You always tried to speak in a calm tone, telling him you don’t mean bad when the truth was that your helper syndrom was at it’s peak and you were near to exploding. Two and a half years in, that exact same barrel was constantly overflowing. You openly blamed him for not beeing able to show love when all you did was powder his butt with love and affection and yes, at first you were totally fine with it because that was what kept you driving. You thought you would get some praise for all the stuff you did because praise for you meant love. Why would anybody ever be nice to you when there wasn’t something they would wanna benefit from nor why would you get love when you did nothing very lovable. You had to earn yourself the love you always wanted. Zuho being that mysterious and heart broken guy you thought you could fix was the perfect experiment, just that you thought you were being genuine in what you did for him, and you were at first. But one day Zuho snapped.

Zuho: “How could I possibly take any of your love serious when honestly all you do this for is yourself, to not feel useless?!”

Y/N: “Who are YOU to judge who never even went out of his comfort zone and never EVER appreciated one thing I did, no wait, that ANYONE did for him? Are you that heartless? And you say you are the one suffering?!”

Those arguments went on and on for months and they were getting so bad that sometimes you wouldn’t even talk for a week straight because thats how either you two got your piece or how long it took for one of you to apologize, if that was even in any of yours vocabular. The hardest times were when guilt started kicking in and you realized you never even gave Zuho a chance to explain himself or you never saw listening to him as an option. And it’s true, pride shouldn’t be stronger than the knowledge of being able to step back with your own needs when someone else is suffering more and can hardly handle it. Sometimes. When you’d pull yourself together to reach out a hand to Zuho he would just slap it away, rarely ever accepting it and when he did, you two would surprisingly well talk it out, sometimes just sit next to each other or in each others arms while listening to each other cry. In those times of you two sharing words, apologies weren’t needed. Your tears spoke for you. But shame would often take over, then ignorance, and then the cycle started over and over again. Zuho, who, to your unbeknownst, analysed those situation more than you thought, took the courage to speak up about it in another of your rough conversations.

Zuho: “-Y/N I understand you... I have, in fact, two weeks ago. We have been at this point. Aren’t you tired of all of this? Why can’t we break out of this cycle? Everytime we two barely make it through the last argument and seem to make a good end, it all starts again because one of us is too full of themselve to admit we are having a problem. Listen I- I love you okay? I know we have said that like... maybe thrice in the last two months but honestly I just feel so exhausted when I hear it from you. I wanna accept it. I really do but can’t you imagine that every time I think we found a good basis and the hill is going up my hopes of us getting closer are thrown out the window because of a stupid fight? All this is stupid!”

Y/N: “...Gosh Babe I know I KNOW you’re right and I wish I could show you how I feel the same but... i feel like you say you understand but in fact you don’t because if you did you would’ve changed things... I don’t know but the past year I have always been the one to take steps towards you and my strength to do that is slowly fading. I feel like I am running on hot coals when sometimes I feel like I deserve for you to come and pick me up and carry me on your hands. I don’t wanna blame you here but I fear I just don’t have the mentality anymore and it- it destroys me from the inside. Why is it so hard for you to just give back a bit of love? I see we both seem delighted by the concept of ‘give and take’ but do you know how hard of a punch in the face it is for me when you say you cannot take my ‘I love you’s” serious anymore but then demand that I put down my guard of basic needs for love when in all those years this was your main problem and you NEVER made an attempt at stepping out of your bubble? Zuho that is taking but never giving!”

Zuho: “Y/N WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU TRY TO BE BETRAYED YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND THEN TRUST PEOPLE AGAIN? I-”

You flinched.

Zuho: “Shit Sorry... excuse me I didn’t mean to yell I- *sigh*”

Y/N: “No Zuho, you meant that. Sometimes, and I am sorry for what I am about to say but I can’t do this anymore, sometimes I desperately wish for us to fight after we didn’t talk for a week because I really hope we find each other in fights where we end up in each others arm just crying... Because that has been the ONLY time over the last year where we have truely been emotionally on the same level and where we exchanged some kind of affection. Shit we don’t even have Sex anymore Zuho!”

Zuho: “We did have reconciliation Sex-”

Y/N: “ ZUHO WAKE UP! That has literally been hate Sex! Do YOU not ever wish to be held gently? To be carrased??? Surprise, surprise: I DO!”

The long pause that filled the air made you anxious.

Zuho: “I... I really have never given you the attention you deserve, have I?”

His question made you unbelievably sad and heartbroken, tears started running.

Y/N: “No Zuho... you haven’t. And I am shook it took you three years to realise. I... *sob* Zuho I know I haven’t been nice to you over the last year either. But I was desperate and helpless. All those fights I started were a call in hope for you to wake up. Everytime I tried talking sublty about it, trying to approach you to rationally talk about my needs I hoped for you to do better but you took it personally and made it seem like I had bad intentions. I noticed that if this wouldn’t work and that you would only yell at me- I thought yelling back would be the only way to get through to you...”

Zuho has long started crying too, holding his hands infront of his face, running them through his hair, walking up and down the apartment and sitting back down again.

Y/N: “And YES Zuho. I DO wanna apologize for all the things I have said. But don’t you realise that while I know you deeply wanted to fight your commitment issues, you pushed me away and did the exact opposite? I don’t wanna reach out anymore. I love yo-  ahrrghh I don’t dare to say it when you might think I don’t mean it but I always meant it. And Zuho I still do, but I need to safe myself now.”

Zuho was shaking his head. He couldn’t get himself to look into your eyes because that meant accepting the situation. His breathing got heavier and heavier until he broke down and all came out. He just realised that he was the perfect example of ‘People only start to appreciate something when they lost it’ and he did not want to see your crying form because that meant to look at what he had done, how he broke you and how your instability was his fault. 

Zuho: “Please no... Please tell me WHY WHY WHY when all we want is to be loved- WHY can’t we take the courage to do it NOW? Y/N please tell me you give this a chance if you love me! This can’t end like this, I was so so stupid PLEASE I can’t loose you! I- I-”

Zuho was now facing you, begging on his knees while you sat on your shared sofa, his head laying on your thighs and his arms hugging your lower body so tight in fear of letting you go, feeling his tears on your legs. You had to wipe your own away, fast enough for them not to hit Zuho but you have never felt something so heavy in that moment and it was too hard for you to hold all of them back.

Y/N: “Zuho I- I start to think that I used to love the old you. I loved the thought of naive little me thinking I now found my prince and that now my time to be loved has come and I miss the time I found joy in us. I was disappointed once and I just cannot handle a second time and I don’t want to take the risk. That’s delusional for both me AND you. Gosh you don’t know how hard it is for me right now but-”

Zuho: “No, No, NO I am begging you please don’t say it please Y/N I cannot handle another person leaving me... I can’t!”

Y/N: “I know Zuho, I know but it has to be said! I don’t think we do each other good and for both our sakes it is better for each of us to start and learn to love and accept ourselves first and... and learn how to deal with our issues first and-”

You took a deep breath.

Y/N: “I think it’s time to end this relationship.”

Zuho’s sobbing got immense in that exact same moment, he had difficulties containing his breathing and when he started to stand up to furiously walk through the apartment it stung like a knife right through your heart to see his red eyes, his puffy lips and cheeks, you so badly desired to hold him, kiss him and tell him that everything is going to be fine but you promised yourself you wouldn’t lie to yourself ever again. Seeing him like this, who you always dreamed about would love you, made you do him justice and you broke down in whimmers too, holding your hand against your mouth, your vision blurring due to all the tears collecting themselves.

The scene was pure heartbreak and the world you two tried to poorly create fell apart,

finally...

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I wrote this for a friend of mine and while I wrote this I thought “Wow Niwi are you okay? This is damn sad”... I am not. I was bawling my eyes out the whole time- I really hope you enjoy this one. Niwi~

Other Artist Masterlist

OneShots:

~ Woodz/Seungyoun: Him as your Boyfriend 💞🌸 💔

Drabbles:

~ TREASURE Jihoon: Clumsy Instructor 🌸

ENHYPEN Vampire! | Their crush not liking vampires

[WARNINGS: not proofread, gn!reader, mentions of being an outcast]

Just some fluff. These reactions play in an AU where vampires do exist and (some) people actually know about them. I hope there is no confusion with this. Also please request! I really wanna write more ~ Niwi

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Heeseung:

Poor boy overheard you and your friends having a conversation in class about wether vampires or werewolfs are better and while all of you agreed on werewolves being better, you in particular voiced your hatred towards vampires, them being dead, cold, dangerous and “Honestly we all just want a warm huggable ball of floof. Plus they are more likely to be a very lovable person, more intimate and even if they have flaws, those do not outweight vampires flaws at all... being a vampire is one big flaw in my opinion”. Heeseungs heart would be so so broken... He would be the type to make sure to stay in a healthy distance but that results in a mistake. Would take on a stalker like behavior and watch you everywhere you go from afar, would take things from you and return them to you because ‘you had lost them’. That would be his attempt on getting close to you and even if you and him would build up a friendship or something deeper over time, he would make it his biggest mission to seem as normal as he could to not raise any suspicion. 

Jay: 

It would piss him off so much he took it so personal. It would chew on his ego a lot to the point of his self-esteem dropping dangerously low. Good at hiding it but everytime he sees you in the neighbourhood or when your parents would meet and him and you would have to come with them, he would be very rude towards you. Not intentionally tho. When he realised this would just be adding to the thoughts you had about vampires he’d do a 180 flip and suddenly be all fake nice to you, it would make you doubtful against him just that you couldn’t figure out what’s up with him. The whole situation between the two of you would just end up in so much pent up frustration, he’d pin you against the wall and whisper into your ear how much he wants you but you’re like a forbidden fruit to him but then you decide to kiss him. I’m also very sure that his behavior would have given it away to you that something was very odd with him.

Jake:

You told your best friend Jake about a new romance book you had recently started reading about humans and werewolves while then lovey dovey talking about how you wanted exactly that. When Jake asked you why you don’t try reading vampire and human love stories you started rambling about how vampires are so toxic in relationships and very overrated and how you would’ve chosen Jacob instead of Edward bla bla bla... Would be annoyed about you believing those stereotypes of vampires. For some reason he felt less loved by you and thats as bad as burning in the sun forever... Jake would change everything about him. He would make sure he had rosy cheeks, warmer clothes, would let his hair grow a bit for you to touch him like he’d be a dog, would file his teeth and literally went as far as going out more often to walk with you in the sun only in resulting him getting the sunburn of his life which you then took care of. This would also be what would give him away. Would have to let down his facade when you asked him about what was wrong while you were busy treating his skin. He’s very ashamed when you scold him for believing you would hate him because he is a vampire.

Sunghoon:

The thing with Sunghoon is that he totally understood why you hated vampires so much. You were once bitten by one who trapped you when you where on your way home to suck out your blood and let you die but instead someone found you and rushed you to the ER. You were traumatized by it, everyone in your class knew about this incident which made everyone stiff when the topic of vampires arose, especially you. Sinve then, Sunghoon was furious and kept his eye on you. He wanted to protect you so bad. One day you and him were alone in the classroom and when he approached you you backed away. He would raise his hands in defeat, walking slowly towards you while talking calmy and most importantly honest about what intentions he had. Would be very straightforward with telling you he wants to protect you and show you that not all vampires are bad. He looked into your glassy eyes and somehow he was able to give you that feeling of comfort. When you didn’t say anything he backed away and let you run off. He wrote you that night to tell you to think about his offer. When asking why he would wanna do al this for you he would confess and thats what made you go soft for him. A vampire being able to have feelings.

Jungwon:

“Oh come on Jungwon dogs over bats all the way! I’ll let you have the point that some bats do look very cute but honestly speaking they’re just... just- ARGH I don’t know I just don’t like those things. They’re just as bad as vampires. No wonder they get compared!”. Jungwons face was decorated with his famous gaze of disbelieve and pure shock. He was so ready to get out a presentation on why bats are not at all like vampires and why batman is the only thing comparable to bats but instead just asked you hypothetical questions. “What if I was a vampire? What would you do? Would you try to kill me?” “Well, would you bite me? Then yes. I’d grab the next thing I could ram into your heart”. Now his mouth was hanging wide open. “WHY on earth would I bite you? You’re my best friend! Do you really think I wouldn’t be able to control myself around you? Seriously I have been around you for long enough and I have witnessed all your periods from miles away, even without any distance and I didn’t go in some kind of ‘blood-mode’ you like to call it. And what the fuck is that idea about vampires changing forms into bats to be able to fly??? I think thats so stupid and-”. Bro needed a few minutes to realise you were now the one with the shocked expression. Lots and lots of arguing but he’d be very vocal about his feelings of you not liking vampires while also having to explain what he meant with all that complaining and that kinda disrespectful comment about mentioning your period.

Sunoo:

Sunoo was always trying to act cute around you, calling himself your little vampire, not being very secretive about him being what he was. You never gave him any reactions tho and when he got all naggy about it you just had to tell him you didn’t find vampires cute and always felt a disliking for them. He was aggrieved and all pouty. Very clingy and lots of complaining about how you didn’t love him. You tried lifting up his mood, always telling him that wasn’t true and that he is a very lovable best friend. Eventually you asked him why he is so obsessed with ‘being’ a vampire and you accepting it? He wouldn’t talk tho. You’d have to coax him into telling you the reason, calling him cute names, hugging him and giving him head pats, giving him compliments. He’d just say stuff you would understand even less like “If I wanna mary you you have to like vampires or we can’t be together forever :(... I  want you to be my vampire too”. You somehow connected the dots and were able to understand he had a crush on you but the whole vampire thing wouldn’t touch the surface of truth. After all, getting closer to him due to his crush on you would make you take on small habits of his, stuff like going on walks when in its late. and you also warmed up to this whole ‘I’m your cute little vampire’ thingy because indeed Sunoo is cute. When Sunoo noticed that would give him even more butteflies.

Niki:

Oh his story was a sad one. Every kid in the neighbourhood never spoke to him because he was ‘weird’. But you always gave him a smile just before your mother decided to make you change sides to not interact with him. Your childhood friends were no different. Everytime you and your friends were playing together at the playground and he was there too your friends would start calling him names, excluding him from any game, telling you rumors about him being a vampire and then he just stood there watching you all play together while all he wanted was to join too. Thats how you grew up, believing your neighbour was the weird vampire kid who got even more quiet when both of you got into middle school. It was just the way it was. You played along sometimes, thinking you truely believed you hated him because he was a vampire. It just never really made sense to you. When you started distancing yourself from those people to finally build your own identity you also got just a tiny bit closer to Niki and step by step understood him as a person. It was hard winning his trust but somehow it just happened and you two had fallen in love for each other, you once being one of he famous ones who was a little too nice to the weird kid. It was still hard for Niki and it took its time for him to tell you the truth about really being a vampire but when you told him you had a feeling he was different but that ‘different’ never really drew you away if others didn’t drag you. Truely one of those stories of the popular student falling in love with the misfit.

Works of other Blogs I can recommend ✨

- Dongheon x Reader: Showering together [@sha-la-la]

- Heeseung x Reader: College au [@bambisgirl]

- Heeseung: Brothers best friend trope [@taeghi]

- Heeseung!good boy, Reader!bad girl 80’s au [@fallinforgyu]

- Sunghoon!dilf x Reader, neighbors [@asahicore]

- Changbin x Reader, really good friends to lovers [@btssmutgalore]

- San x Reader Summer Camp, friends to lovers [@starrysvn] (This had my heart go up and down)

- Yunho x Reader Christmas fake dating [@starrysvn (seriously go check out her works! Probably one of my fav writers now!)]

- Dokyeom x Reader coworkers to lovers, theater [@yoongimingyu]

- Jongseong!ceo x Reader!brothers best friend, arranged marriage, angst and the best fluff for real!!! This has two parts! [@heecyon]

CREEP

Pairing: virgin pervert heeseung x pervert fem reader!

Warnings: smut, cum eating, fingering, oral fem receiving, oral male receiving, nipple sucking, male masturbation, public masturbation, use of sex toys, voyeurism, stalking, peeping, oral bathroom sex, squirting, public oral sex, teasing, crying.

Masterlist

WC : 5,121

Hi, I’m back. Sorry I’ve been so inactive. I’ve just been really busy, but I have some time off and decided to post this for you alI. I hope you all enjoy it!

For most people going to school was the most dreaded part of the day. But for the nerdy boy heeseung, it was the exact opposite.

Why?

Weiterlesen

VERIVERY taking care of you while you’re on your period

[WARNINGS: none]

Dongheon:

Dongheon is no. 1 caretaker for you. He would exactly know what to do. He enjoys just staying home so I think he would be prepared for making those days as ‘pleasant’ as possible for you. He stays in bed with you if you want to cuddle or he will just leave you alone in the bedroom if you want that instead. He’d help you shower and change bedsheets for you when you sweat extraordinary much due to you laying under 3 blankets out of freezing. Would bring you a glass of water when you wake up at 4 am because you are dehydrated. Is the best nanny. Has no problem with helping you walk to the bathroom as you try to literally crawl there from all the pain. Would even kneel next to you while you take one of those period shits and just need to hold his hand for support. 11/10 (Oh how I would need exactly that lmao)

Hoyoung:

This guy- damn he makes you feel alive at those times. Brings you fruits and vegetables when you are expecting it the least than you thought you would need it. Makes sure you eat your breakfast and has an extra cabinet for your period food, may it be dry food for when you can’t eat without feeling like throwing up or extra fat food for when you can’t stop eating. Tugs you into the blanket while he opens the window for you to get fresh air. Somehow he would be a master in making you look healthy. At least your skin color doesn’t look like your basement’s walls when he takes care of you.

Minchan:

Your best enotional support. You take a break from the outside world? No problem. He will be your source of entertainment. Does skin care with you and insists on you leaning back and letting him do all the work. Puts on a cartoon like Rick and Morty or anything thats easy to watch while not really having to processing too much of information. Whatever he does he makes time fly and it doesn’t feel like your period lasted that long. Will also insist on you taking a very big nap for resting to recharge energy.

Gyehyeon:

A stereotypical house wife 😅 cleans up after you, makes sure your bedsheets are neatly made for you to have a 5 star hotel feeling as well as cook anything you want. I see him as that type of person who tries to make you go for a walk with him for you to get some air and to stimulate your body circulation. I can’t but think that you would have to tell him again and again that it’s just too exhausting to go for a walk or to eat something specific to the point of you yelling at him. He wouldn’t be mad about it. Just a little upset but not because of you but he’d be upset about himself. Would be so frustrated if he couldn’t help you properly so he needs some reassurance that him just being by your side can be enough too sometimes.

Yeonho:

He grew up with two sisters so I think he’d be used to everything and anything. Nothing can take him by surprise. Would deal with blood stains on the sheets or pants, buys you your favorite snack, is easygoing about buying you pads and tampons and wouldn’t come back from grocery shopping without bringing you a gift; flowers, a book, a new game for you two to play on the Nintendo, a movie, honestly anything that would help you keeping distracted from the pain.

Yongseung:

Ohhhh our boy would be so sweet and touchy. He would give you massages, wrap you in a blanket or two, hold you close, rock you back and forth in your burrito blanket for you to fall asleep, lots of kisses on the forehead and strokes your cheeks a lot it would be so incredibly soothing. Him being next to you would be balm for the soul. He’d even dim the lights for your sensitive eyes and put on spa music and scented candles XD Whispers sweet words into your ears and tells you he is there for you and that he won’t go away. (I’m having heart eyes rn aaaah)

Kangmin:

Kangmin wouldn’t necessarily know what to do but instead always asks if he could do something for you. He is like a minion you could order around. A bit helpless the first few times but once he has settled with a routine he is the best at it. Asks the Hyungs to cook something for you. Gives you his neck pillow and it’s the sweetest thing like- all in all he tries to share stuff that makes him feel better. Would let you wear his boyer shorts when its that time of the month because they are just so much more comfortable. All smiley smiley when he sees you relax after he made you a heating pad. ———————————————————————For everyone struggling with period pain, I feel you. I hope this makes you feel better. 🫶🏻🤲🏻❣️ ~ Niwi