I Cried Again Tonight. I Thought I Could Get Through The Night But My Tears Kept On Falling. I've Lost

I cried again tonight. I thought I could get through the night but my tears kept on falling. I've lost count. I don't know why I'm like this. Why do you make me like this? Can't you just stay as a fond memory and let me live? Even so, I'll always be yours no matter how many times I try to block you out. I always come back here to write about you.

My la verità.

Young forever

@rbhvleo // roberto ferri // mothering by ainslie hogarth // rainer maria rilke // ? // planet of love by richard siken // a self portrait in letters by anne sexton // indian summer by ron hicks

Filled with rage

I have an upset stomach and little girls despondent laughter sounds louder on stage

Choke me just enough for me to breathe so I stay engaged

Ticking Tok on the clock, you're an ethereal timepiece in this age

Turn me over like a page do me like that when you offstage

While your fans fight to be front row in the barricade

I know they’d kill for this exchange

I'm off the rails some may call me deranged but I'm just off my meds

Living a teenage rampage drugged with your love

Will we last or be another short story?

You cry, outraged at the thought of me leaving estranged, so you keep me in range

Afraid I'll let go when the feeling subsides

I left my shoes in the street so you could carry me

Don't worry, darling, you have my heart in a cage

You're the lighthouse in the middle of this enraged storm

Filled with love

My blouse is stained

I haven't changed it since yesterday

Not stained with dirt

But the tears that you steer

Till I'm broken and can't see clear

Are you satisfied?

Stuck on my phone

its getting late

And my eyes a sore

From the bright light, it emits

Like my burning desire for all of this to end

I can't fall asleep

I won't fall asleep again to your voice

Or dream of you again

Will you hold me like a child

Till the thunder quiets done

Till the darkness becomes light

It's Sunday but its still not the end of my pain

You're stained in my heart

I'm bleeding out on my blouse

Again.

At times, I'm allowed to be not okay, and my feelings are as significant as anyone else's. But why do I keep punishing myself for feeling this way?

…..is there an escape? Is there somewhere.

-An Open Diary