Do You Remember Summer 09?

do you remember summer ‘09?

️alone 

jimin had to keep on living, he had to stop thinking, he had to stop getting hurt. he did some shit yeah, but doesn’t mean he has to be ghosted by his old and much dearest to his heart friends. they left him, they left him to feel rotten and broken, the words of “i’ll be here no matter what happens” rings onto his mind, realizing that that one was just a lie. he wanted out, he didn’t what to feel not anymore, he was lonely and desperate. his “friends” assuming he was okay, going to yoongi instead, caring much more for him than for himself. he hated it, he felt left out, abandoned, and he wanted to cry. but he wouldn’t. nothing was worth crying anymore. Not his friends, not yoongi. -

jimin returned to what once upon a time made him break, this time, maybe adding a few more stuff, drugs, alcohol and the same old same lust he looked for pleasure, he looked for stuff that could fill in the hole that yoongi left when he decided to leave him out to dry. he needed something. every night regretting the things he’d done and remembering the arms of the one he really wants to feel. fuck, jimin was so fucked up, he couldn’t stand life anymore, he couldn’t find any purpose to living it, other that the memories he held from him and his old lover. to the point where the only thing he thought about was yoongi, yoongi, yoongi, yoongi his mind kept screaming yoongi. he needed him he couldn’t live without him. there was a breaking point, he was broken once again, but not in the same way as he was before. he didn’t care, not anymore, he now let’s people just toy with his body, make him introduce substances having no clue of what they are and being aware that he was being destroyed. he destroyed himself for him.

-

he didn’t believe in love, he couldn’t, he was suffering so much. it hurt he was hurting; he couldn’t get out of the cycle he was in. he wanted to rot nothing yet again made sense. as in for yoongi, he knew jimin was having it rough but he didn’t know he was destroying himself. till one day he saw him, he was there sitting on a club, with probably more than one boy next to him. jimin was letting them touch him, kiss him, he let them do whatever they wanted, jimin was alone now, that’s what yoongi was thinking. he saw jimin stand up from his sit, being really touchy with one of the guys that were insinuating themselves for him. and that broke yoongi, even though he did the same every night, seeing jimin’s dead eyes follow that dude to what seemed redemption, he felt something on the inside pinch and explode. he then realized he was the one who hurt him. He was the one that even though he knew jimin was watching his every move he broke him letting him see whatever he was doing with other people. and at that moment he knew, jimin didn’t want to be saved anymore. but then again he wanted to save him.

-

but then again, life is unexpected. it wasn’t a surprise anymore when yoongi left  15 missed calls on jimin’s phone, he felt regetful, that’s a first. when jimin picked up, shit was rough yoongi couldn’t stand what jimin wanted to say to him. he couldn’t stand the fact that jimin felt regretful for whatever he did, he didn’t want it to be true, he didn’t want to be hating jimin for nothing. but that was all he had hatred on his body.

jimin knew yoongi fucked he fucked up. yet still he was wiling to be forgiving, it’s hard to let go when in the first place you didn’t even want to. 

yoongi messed things up again, and that was were this unending cycle begun.

HOW TO take care of baby boi taehyung !!!!

yoongi since i came aware of your existence everything has gotten much clearer the state of mind i’ve been since you it’s wonderful, you make everything so beautiful, the world is a way more happy place than it was before, and i’m really grearful for these feelings you ignited in my heart, soul and brain.

the way you express your words throughout your songs, the feelings you have, your worries the things that i feel like are so personal to you, make me fall more and more in love with you every time, i’m so happy you get to open up little by little to us and i hope you can find some type of support from us, i personally will support you no matter what you know cause i only truly wish for your happiness. i love how you care so selflessly for everyone maybe in little ways but your actions are way larger in the long run.

i love you and i’ll always love you. till the sun burn's out till the moon fall's apart, until the whole universe explodes i’m going to love you and i’m going to support you forever cause this love is unique and is all for you.

‘happy birthday min yoongi, love of my life’

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✨fire✨

being in love, is way harder than what people make it seem is.

loving, is developing yourself with someone by your side, depending not merely but gradually in someone else; sharing your deepest and darkest secrets; giving your truthful happiness and your saddest moments to someone, or something. getting to know someone deeply is hard, and showing your obscure self is indeed harder.

still we keep on dreaming that the perfect love is yet to come.

true perfect love, ah. that’s something we all should know doesn’t exist, not in its purest form not in its demonic way. we love, we act in love, and yet still we don’t belong.

-

yoongi, he knew love wasn’t something he could just snap out of his heart, he knew he couldn’t just throw himself to love someone without fear, without knowing. well, that’s exactly what he did, when he met him.

jimin, he didn’t know to which extent he could love, he was naive, fresh out of a relationship hoping he could feel loved once again. believing that loving someone was a pure form of affection. and when he found him, he might have lost a little hope.

-

fuck ton of shit happened in the while they’ve been together, arguments, fights, smiles, laughs. but all that couldn’t get them ready for what had been coming.

cheating, drinking, “friends”, parties and parties. maybe it was just toxic that they kept going, but they thought their bond was stronger than infidelity, harsh and disrespectful words, people meddling in and the constant substance abuse. love was blinding them so bad, that they didn’t even realize that love wasn’t the way they were feeling anymore.

pure hatred, pity, pettiness, lust, pleasure.

the best way to describe what those two lovers were feeling.

-

while everything kept being as toxic as it was, they just thought of one way to amend things and make everything better. hiding themselves in the bedroom, constantly, kissing, touching, lack of meaningful words were spilled throughout this time. thinking that maybe just maybe every single action done there could actually fix whatever the situation was.

neither of them could talk about the urging fire that was going under their roof, they wanted out, but didn’t know how to get out without getting hurt or hurting the other.

-

if you ever wondered who was the one at fault, well, both of them were.

· jimin cheated multiple times, brought friends to their house in more than one occasion, them turning out to be more than just a buddy.

· yoongi was drunk out of his mind and zone most of the time, meanwhile spewing venom to jimin. but he was just too in love to let go.

yoongi didnt care about the hurt and the pain that jimin brought to him, he loved him deeply and truly, he tried to look pass the cheating, the lust he felt for others. he couldn’t just let go of someone who knew his whole deep self. he confided in jimin, he told him stuff that no one ever knew about him, he felt so broken that the person he loved the most in his entire life could make him feel so worthless and useless.

jimin, a whole new story and a broken one, the confused one out of the two. he felt empty inside out, never in his entire life he felt comfort in others, and now that the situation got even worst he felt better, he felt fuller when he was with another one that wasn’t his lover. yoongi maybe never realized that the words he threw at him hurt so much, it hurt to the point that he couldn’t believe that the one talking was claiming that he loved him. and he could just never forget.

-

leaving your old empty house is never easy, and for the two it wasn’t much easier either.

it all ended, with a simple goodbye, the house was burnt to ashes and the fire was still in both of their homes.

they were tired, that to say the least, none of them could keep going at the rhythm they were going. they were yelling, crying, hurting, they were hurting so bad. that just one simple sentence can set their world on fire once again.

the fight was intense, flying objects were all over the place, on the air on the ground, setting everything on the table was just one hell of an idea, but a much needed one. they cried so much. they loved harder than ever before. but they knew there was a time to let go.

yoongi spoke this word to jimin before the exile of their love “i love you, i do. as much as i don’t want to love you, as much as everything in my heart tells me not to love you, i do”. he said. not being able to look at him in the eyes, holding onto his tears, turning to face the wall, grabbing the concrete just so he doesn’t fall.

jimin then went ahead and answered “every cell in my body tells me i should love you too. but i can’t not anymore. but at the same times my brain tells me that is not time to let go, not yet. please don’t let us dry. i love you, and i love you so much more, and it hurts and im hurting. and i know you hurt to.” jimin said with a tear rolling down his cheek. feeling unpowered by love itself and so broken.

to which yoongi answered with his heart on his hands “i do think is time to let go. i can’t deal with the pain anymore we just destroy each other”. letting go of his tears.

jimin succumbing to the pain and the hurt said “goodbye then, i guess” opening the door, and leaving to never come back, with his heart on the hand and tears streaming down his face.