Choices Chapters 3

Choices   Chapters 3

Jorah did not see her for two days. His anger had long since burned away, now he was just worried about her.

He saw her on the third day in early evening, she was carrying a bundle of firewood.

"Karcia" he called. she turned at the sound of her name, when she saw who it was it looked like she wanted to turn and flee, but she didn't. He jogged over to her. She kept her bundle between them.

"Karcia, I was worried. Are you alright?"

"Yes, I have been staying with a friend."

"A man friend?"

"Yes" he felt a bolt of jealousy shoot through him "and his wife and three children." Relief washed over him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I'm sorry too. Perhaps we can continue this somewhere more private." He came to realize that they were drawing their fair share of interested stares. He took the bundle out of her arms and placed it on the ground, than he took her hand and lead her through the camp, back to their tent. Once they were alone and standing face to face she couldn't seem to look at him, she looked around and than began to pace.

"Jorah the Andal, I don't know if you noticed lately, but I am different."

"Different?"

"Quick to smile, quick to anger, quick to be jealous. There is a reason for this" she took a deep breath "I am with child." Jorah's legs grew week. He sat on a wooden stool, the only thing other than the bed and floor to sit on.

"My child?" He asked, half question half statement. She faced him, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Jorah the Andal, you are the only man I have been with. The first lover I have had in many years." A child. He didn't know what he felt, shock, confusion, fear and happiness. Karcia sat down on the bed facing him, her face solemn.

"Are you not happy?"

"I am afraid" She looked off in to the distance, she seemed to be deciding something "I was pregnant once before, with the Khal. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was perfect in every way, except one leg that twisted inward. Do you know what my people do with babies not considered normal?" she asked in a detached manner. He nodded, any babies born with deformities were left in the wilderness to die.

"I begged the Khal not to, I said in time the leg may heal, but he would not listen. When he took my son from me I screamed, and screamed. Later the women would tell me they had never heard such screams, like a tormented animal. Afterwards I prayed to the Great Stillion, I prayed that he would not send me another child. He answered my pray, for I never again bore a living child for the Khal. But now..." He got on his knees in front of her, his hands caressing her face.

"Please listen to me, I am not the Khal. No matter what happens I will never abandon our child, I will defend them with my dying breath if need be." She gave him a sad smile, her eyes filled with tears, and he pulled her into a desperate embrace.

(chapter 1) (chapter 2)

Change   Chapter 4

Merlin entered Gwen's quarters following the guard. Gwen was sitting on the window seat, the light shone like a halo around her.

"Your Grace, I have brought Merlin, as requested" announced the guard.

"Thank you, you may leave us." Gwen got up and walked over to the table. She indicated that he should take the seat at her right, while she sat at the head of the table.

"Merlin, we're friends are we not?"

"Of course."

"Have I done something to offend you, or that you have disliked?"

"No."

"I see, and what of Sir Leon, is he your friend?"

"Yes."

"Has he offended you, or abused your trust in anyway?" Merlin hesitated for a moment.

"No."

"Merlin, strange things have been happening to Sir Leon and myself, magical things. Would you happen to know anything about that?" Merlin studied his hands, tracing a pattern on the table.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Let me give you a few examples, gifts Sir Leon means to give me are inexplicably damaged before I can receive them, when he tries to be close to me he feels like he is being pushed back by an unseen hand, the other day it felt like I had some sort of invisible shield around me, I could not touch anyone and no one could get close to me." Merlin hide a small smile, that last one he was particularly proud of, although it had not been easy to maintain over a long period of time.

"I remember years ago when similar things used to happen, we would write them off as strange occurrences, until we learned who was responsible." Merlin was silent. "Please, there is no use trying to deny it, it must be you. Unless some strange sorcerer has found his way into the castle, which I think you would have noticed since you have spent everyday by my side." There was no use trying to hide his actions any longer.

"Yes, it was me."

"Why Merlin?"

"Because you and Sir Leon are more than friends." It was Gwen's turn to fidget.

"I thought as much, but I had hoped it was something else, that others hadn't noticed."

"I don't know about the others, but I noticed, and Gaius knows."

"I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Merlin, what is it about Sir Leon and I being together that disturbs you so much? Why did you feel you had to go to such lengths to separate us?"

"Arthur. I have always protected Arthur, and furthered his interests, and you're Arthur's wife."

"I was Arthur's wife. He's gone."

"But, he will come again." She sighed.

"I know the words of the dragons prophesy as well as you do, but it has been five years. Five years where I have been sorely tested by our enemies, and our friends. There were many times when I looked for him to come, many trails where I have thought this must be a signal of his return. But, there is nothing but silence from the isle of Avalon, and I have come to realize that he must be needed for a time other than my own, and I do no want to spend the rest of my life alone."

Was Gwen correct? Was Arthur truly gone? He wanted to scream at her that she was wrong, that Arthur would return within their lifetimes. But, maybe she was right, Arthur might be needed by a future and distant Camelot. Was it fair to expect Gwen to wait for an event that may never occur? A great sadness filled Merlin the more he thought upon the matter. Something must have shown on his face, because Gwen placed her hand over his.

"I did not mean to make you angry or sad, and I am sorry if I have caused you distress, but your magical interference needs to stop." Gwen began to rise from her chair, as if to signal an end to their conservation.

"Do you love him? Sir Leon?" Gwen collapsed back into her chair.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" asked Merlin, incredulous.

"It is still so new. Leon has been there for me through one of the hardest periods of my life. He has been my defender, adviser, confident and friend, but it only recently that I realized he cold be more."

"What changed?"

"A couple of months ago, when the group of you went to deal with the brigands on the northern boarders, and Leon was badly injured."

"But, I healed him."

"And I thank you for that, but it scared me, and my heart hurt at the thought of him not being part of my future. Afterwards, when things were clam and he was well, I told him how I felt, and surprisingly he felt the same way, but he never spoke to me, because I was the Queen. We decided to quietly spend time together, to make sure our feelings were true, before we told anyone. Or at least that was the plan."

"Until I ruined it."

"Yes. You know I had worried about the opinions of many people, the council, the other knights, but I never worried about you. You and I have been friends for many years, we were even friends before Arthur. I thought if anyone would wish for my happiness it would be you."

"I do want you to be happy, Gwen. Things just got mixed around in my head. I made a judgement about what was best for you, and I was just trying to protect you. Being a wise sorcerer is not as easy as it seems" he said giving her smile, she gave him one in return.

"No, I guess it's not, but next time something is worrying you, just come talk to me about it."

"Alright, no more invisible shields or dying flowers, but if he hurts you, or you change your mind..."

"I know where to find you." Merlin rose to take his leave. As he headed towards the door Gwen called to him.

"Merlin, I won't change my mind." Merlin nodded and left the room.

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3)

Change   Chapter 5

After his meeting with Gwen Merlin walked the castle grounds for a time, thinking about all she said, before returning to Gaius. Gaius was seated, supposedly reading, but he looked up as soon as Merlin entered.

"How did it go?" Gaius inquired.

"You were right. She noticed my strange behaviour, and the magic I thought I had hidden so well." Merlin told Gaius everything they had discussed, Gaius nodded frequently, but did not interrupt until he was finished.

"Gwen is turning out to be an astute Queen for one so young and with all the trails she has had to face."

"But, is she right?"

"About Sir Leon or Arthur?"

"Either." Gaius sighed.

"Merlin death is never an easy thing. When someone dies it can feel like the world should stop, but life continues, the crops must be harvested, animals need to be feed, the sick must be tended to, and finding love is part of life."

"But, Arthur isn't dead, not in the true sense."

"We are all aware of the dragon's prophesy, but we can not suspend our lives waiting for it to occur. Arthur himself had to deal with death, he had to continue on after his father passed, he had to adapt to a new life. Do you really think that if Arthur came back today that he would be angry at Gwen for living?" Merlin didn't answer Gaius, but he thought long and hard about what he said. That night when they were preparing for bed Merlin asked

"How are you so wise?" Gaius allowed himself a small smile.

"Wisdom comes from age and experience. You are a great deal wiser than when we first met, and someday when you are my age you will know things beyond my comprehension." He gave Merlin's shoulder a squeeze, and headed to his bed. Merlin walked towards his room, but stopped on the threshold and turned.

"Thank you, Gaius."

"For what?"

"For always being there for me."

"It's been an honour Merlin, it truly has."

From that day forth Merlin no longer interfered between Gwen and Sir Leon. Actually, he made sure that the servants and members of the court gave them the privacy they required. It was not always easy, he often doubted himself, but then he would think back to that conversation with Gaius. He knew the answer to Gaius' question, Arthur would not be angry at Gwen, he would want her to live and find joy. Also, by helping Gwen he came to realize he himself wasn't living a full life, he had been living a partial life, a suspended life, waiting on Arthur's return. It was time for him to make some changes, if Arthur would want happiness for Gwen, he would want the same thing for Merlin too.

The End

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3) (chapter 4)

Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved

(insp)

One day she’ll remember, remember everything that happened, the good, the bad, those who survived and those who didn’t. 

Choices   Chapter 5

When he returned to their tent Karcia was waiting for him.

"How was the council meeting?" she asked, as she flitted about the tent.

"Long, but informative."

"Did you get anything to eat?"

'I'm not hungry. Karcia there is something I wish to discuss with you." She came and sat across from him.

"Karcia, how would you like to stay here in Pentos?"

"Are you staying in Pentos?"

"No. I would continue to travel with the Khalasar."

"Then no, I shall not stay here" she said as she got up and paced.

"It would be safer for you and the baby."

"No, Jorah the Andal."

"But why not consider it?"

'No, we belong with you" she insisted. She seemed quite upset at the thought of them being separated, perhaps Daenerys was right.

"Do you love me, Karscia?" She didn't answer him and wouldn't looks at him. He went up behind her putting his arms around her, to still her restless pacing, and prevent her from leaving, she always ran when she was agitated.

"Do you love me, Karcia?" he asked again.

"Yes" she said so quietly that he barely heard her. Then she began to cry, great heaving sobs that shook her whole body. He turned her in his arms and cradled her against his chest. He did anything he could to comfort her. He rubbed her back, he made sweet promises in her ear. Her crying hurt him, almost like a physical pain. When she was spent he picked her up and carried her to their bed, where he held her once more.

"Why were you crying, dearest?"

"Because I'm not supposed to love you. I knew from the beginning that you were in love with someone else. Now that you know, you will run from me."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. We have a war to fight, a child to raise, and because I love you, too." She looked at him unbelievably. He decided the best way to convince her was to show her. So, he kissed her, like he had never kissed her before, with his whole heart.

The end

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