I Read A Fair Number Of Recipes On The Ten Thousand Interchangeable Recipe Blogs That Exist, And Often

I read a fair number of recipes on the ten thousand interchangeable recipe blogs that exist, and often they say something like "This recipe is a family favourite!" or "This a crowd-pleaser" etc. and I roll my eyes a little bit every time because of course they are, it goes without saying! People like food! Nearly any special-occasion home-cooked meal is going to be popular.

But there is one recipe, one cake, that has recontextualised all those comments for me and now actually I think those bloggers might be wrong about what a family favourite is. It sure as hell isn't Interchangeable Chocolate Cake No. 7.

I'm telling you this because I need you to know the seriousness of the power I am going to bestow on you. And hey, maybe your friends and family have different preferences than mine do. Maybe you need to find another recipe to fill this role. But you must know that there's a recipe out there, and not even a particularly alluring one or a particularly difficult one, which people will bring up in unrelated conversations to you four years later.

If I so much as say the word cake, my family all turn to face me like a pack of hungry wolves. Even the ones that don't like food!! Health nuts and people who simply don't enjoy eating and people with no appetite and people I have no goddamn memory of ever having cooked for, all of them come up and say to me "Hey remember that cake-" I asked my brother and his girlfriend what foods they're looking forward to, when they return home after three years in Japan, and they say "You know that cake?"

It doesn't sound particularly appetizing. I only made it the first time because it was gluten free and I had a bunch of lemons. Please don't let the name inform your opinion here. This is a fairly fast and simple cake that requires no special equipment and people will literally never stop asking you for it.

Nigella.com

Lemon Polenta Cake

This cake is a sort of Anglo-Italian amalgam. The flat, plain disc is reminiscent of the confections that sit geometrically arranged in pati

It's not even my favourite cake! I'd rather have basque burnt cheesecake, which is harder and more expensive to make and consists almost entirely of fat and sugar but still manages to be a little savoury... But people want the weird corn one.

To be fair, this is the only cake that'll make me dip my fingers into boiling sugar without regret.

Feed the bereaved. They're not dead yet.

This was not an unspoken rule in my community growing up; it was in fact spoken loudly and frequently.

Any time someone shared the news of a death in the family or even just a hospital visit, "don't forget to eat" would be found in the response.

At funerals, someone in the mourning family would always mention the casseroles, the chicken, the pastries waiting in their fridge. There would often be so much they'd ask funeralgoers to take some home for themselves.

This, of course, does not apply the same when family is far away, or when only one household is grieving. There is no overflowing fridge, no countertop full of grocery bags.

When it's my household in that situation, I make Grief Pasta Salad.

Large stock pot (10Qt or more)

Colander

Medium mixing bowl

Liquid measuring cup that will hold 2 cups

Pasta scoop

Fork

2 pounds rotini

3/4 cup finely diced ham (optional)

5 small tomatoes, diced

1 and a half large cucumbers, diced

1/2 cup olive oil

1/4 cup either red wine vinegar or apple cider vinegar

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon smoked paprika

2 teaspoons dried red pepper flakes

2 teaspoons dried basil

1 teaspoon dried onion

2 teaspoons garlic powder

2 teaspoons molasses

Pinch of salt

Black pepper to taste

Put the water on for pasta. Start preparing your tomato, cucumber, ham (if desired) and put them all in the mixing bowl. You might be able to get all that done before the water boils.

Cook the rotini to desired tenderness and drain.

If your chopping is done, mix the remaining ingredients together in your liquid measuring cup. You can adjust the seasonings as needed* and whisk them together with the fork if you don't want to have to wash a whisk later.

*Author's note: the paprika is non-negotiable.

Put all your solid ingredients into whichever receptacle has the most room. Most likely your stock pot. Pour your whisked vinaigrette over top and mix it through.

This is enough to feed two people for about a day or two. It tastes fine cold.

Eat. You're not dead yet.

guy who has chronic pain and fatigue: man why can't i do more stuff