Actually They Do, If They Are Not Honest. If I Thinkwell, Medicore, And Still Smile To Author And Say:OMG,

Actually they do, if they are not honest. If I think “well, medicore,” and still smile to author and say: “OMG, so good!” I rape myself.  Never gonna do this to myself again.  But I CAN find something that I like and and be enthusiastic about it. “Those balloons were so cool! Such color! Much wow!”

Kind words cost nothing.

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

Kannatlikkus

Ma ei jaksa oodata.  Kaua ma oodanud olen? Kogu elu! Armasta mind nüüd, armasta mind, nii et sul pole ühtegi muud mõtet ka! Armasta mind püsivalt läbi aastate, aastakümnete, armasta mind igat moodi, kuidas üldse armastada saab, taha, et mul oleks hea, taha mulle rõõmu teha, armasta mind ometigiiii!!!

Ei, mitte sina.

She was like a doberman - looking so menacing that nobody wanted to try their luck with her.  Yeah, sure, she could bite and bite hard - but until now, she did not had a change to try it and she was actually a bit hesistant.  But then she decided it was The Situation and attacked. 

Characters being compared to dogs always use terriers or pitbulls or something for their metaphors. “They grab on and they don’t let go” “They keep worrying at it until it’s dead” etc.

Anyway, I want to see collies used as metaphors. Albert Payson Terhune style. “He was like an attack dog–making slash-and-run attacks, cutting them up worse every time, never staying in range long enough to get hurt but circling back over and over.”

Söötis

Aafrikas nälgivad lapsed, ent see ei tee pannkooki maitsvamaks. Tegelikult ma vist nälgin samuti. Miski ei maitse, see pole see pole see, võtan muudkui alla. Kümme aastat tagasi oleksin rõõmustanud nüüd on üsna suva. 

Loota ei tohi. Lootuse luhtudes on hirmus valus. Ilma lootuseta samas on kogu aeg väga valus.  Kraad vähem, kui lootuse vett vedama minemise järel, aga see-eest pidevalt. 

Aafrikas nälgivad lapsed. Mulle ei maitse pannkook. Kui saaksin, annaksin oma elu kellelegi, kes muidu elamist naudiks, aga sureb ära, sest keha on katki. Kahjuks ei saa. Aafrikas nälgivad lapsed, mina elan ja et minu keha on teistmoodi katkine, ei suuda eriti õnne tunda, on vaid pisike lohutus.

Except me and people like me, who are in front of war, famine and repressive goverements: “Gimme more, gimme more, gimme-gimme-gimme more!”, but have a hard time - very hard time - facing everyday life.  I always thought that I only imagine that I would be the brave one in front of hard times, because I have no idea, how it is.  But hola! Some experiences have found me.  I now have stepped out for a woman I saw verbally beaten until she was on her knees and begging. I know how it is to be pushed down the stairs, so that EMO was needed and I could not properly walk for a month (something with a knee, it was 1.5 times bigger than before). The war started in Ukraine and it’s not too far away from Estonia, where I live.  People have attacked me (not very hard, no guns, no knives, not even hard punches) and I stood my ground, and now I know - I am indeed the brave one. Gimme-more-woman. GIMME MORE!

But ... unfortunately it means beign depressive and all-the-time-tired and hopeless, when it is “normal life” that “normal people” enjoy.  “I wish I had something to fight for, someone to fight against!” said imaginary Frodo in my childhood to imaginary Gandalf. “But that is not for you to decide,” he answered. “All you can do is to wait your time to fight. Endure the normal life and wait!”