I Hope It Helps.

I hope it helps. 

reblog to diminish the horrors from the person you reblogged from

Happy Pride!

My experience exactly. I kept smiling and being kind and never said “NO!” only “I’m not sure,” until I tried to kill myself. Very seriously tried. Actually I prefer to say “and then I killed myself”. Only I survived somehow.  Doctors made kickass job, 2 weeks in coma, yadda-yadda.    For me faking is just a normal way to live and it does nothing to my inner feelings. I learned to fake like I learned to walk and talk and was absolutely shocked, when I understood: most people does not leave consciously hints, what are they feeling, what they want others to understand. This nonverbal stuff comes mostly “naturally”, without effort. Not on purpose, it just happens.  Like ... the hell. How weird. People can do that? I cannot. 

Growing up autistic is being told to "fake it till you make it", only to realise you've just been faking it but never made it

“Oh, you have accomplished so much! Be proud, you true author!” “Well, yeah, but those books took less trouble and self-discipline than using my vacuum and cleaning the apartement Every Fucking Week 2 years in a row!!!”

I know I am so queer, but it’s nice to have validation. 

“queer not as being about who you are having sex with, that can be a dimension of it, but queer as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.”

-bell hooks

ramadan mubarak to all those who are observing. may this holy month sooth all of the aches lingering in your heart, wash away whatever burdens that may be weighing you down, reward you for all of the sacrifices that you have had to make in order to survive, shine light through whatever darkness that has made you doubt your place in this world, and grant you the inner peace, genuine happiness, and relief that you have been praying so patiently for.