HAS ME SO SOFT ISTG

HAS ME SO SOFT ISTG

a taste of something new — 31. practicing

a/n: i apologize for the lack of consistency but!!!!!! wow look at us getting somewhere. who would've thought.

warnings: poorly proof-read, language, things getting a little............ "complicated", i don't know how to write this type of stuff so forgive me qweens and kings and non binary majesties

word count: 3.5k oof

ch. thirty | masterlist | ch. thirty-two

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Things have been… A little strange, to say the least. It's been over two weeks since your sister's birthday, and though your relationship with Soobin hasn't changed much in general, you've been noticing a few differences in your own behavior, which gets you thinking you might just be embarrassingly touch-starved at this point.

Sure, Soobin seems to be more comfortable with the idea of sharing some physical contact. He'll hug you from behind and keep you close when you're with your friends, and he'll hold your hand and kiss your face to look like a loving boyfriend. He also doesn't complain when you're alone and your head falls on his shoulder, and he's fallen asleep on your shoulder a fair number of times too. You're okay with all of that. You're touchy with all of your friends, and Soobin is no exception, though you need to be a little more careful with him.

However, sometimes you notice how you get entranced just watching him. You won't admit it out loud, but there have been times when you lost to him at some random game just because you got distracted by his presence. The last time the two of you agreed to have a "study date", you couldn't stay focused for too long, because he decided to start working on his lyrics when he was done studying, and your eyes kept wandering in his direction, observing his face of pure concentration.

Why did you have to find an attractive creature such as Choi Soobin to play the role of your fake boyfriend for three whole months? This wouldn't be happening right now if you had picked someone less endearing.

It doesn't help that your friends seem to be getting on your case about the lack of kisses in public. Not that they wanna watch a full-on make-out session, but it was awkward when you two met up with Giselle, Jisung, Sunoo and Yeonjun for lunch on the previous Friday, and your best friend would constantly kiss her boyfriend briefly, while the best you could show them was your body leaning against Soobin's as if you were tired. You know Sunoo is smart, and you don't really want him to find out this is nothing but a ruse. But how can you find a middle ground for that? 

So that's your current dilemma. You wanna kiss someone to get rid of those thoughts in your head, but you don't want that someone to be Soobin, because that would only make things complicated. However, now you kind of have to kiss him at least once in public to look more convincing before someone calls you out. You've been "officially together" for a month and a half — which means you're halfway done with this whole clownery — and nobody has seen you kiss him once, not even a peck. Sunoo even made a light-hearted joke about it, further confirming your suspicions: he's definitely onto something.

A sigh escapes from your lips, drawing Soobin's curious eyes to you.

"Um… You know we're gonna have to actually kiss at some point, right? Before our friends catch up and all," you remind him as he takes a sip of his hot chocolate.

See, the weather decided to get a little "colder" today — well, not cold, you're still in the middle of spring, but it's kind of chilly —, so after spending hours playing games in front of his television to "accidentally forget" the dounle date Beomgyu asked for, the two of you decided to make yourselves something warm. 

Your words make him nearly choke on the drink, so he places his mug on the table as he tries to stop the coughing fit you just caused. You stifle a laugh and bite your lips to hold it back while he punches his own chest a few times.

"Wow, am I that undesirable in your eyes? I should feel offended." Are you deliberately throwing a trick question at him? Absolutely. If he's gonna cloud your thoughts, he deserves to suffer as well.

"No, it's not th– It's–" He coughs a couple more times and then takes a deep breath. "It's not about you," he answers firmly, but vaguely enough to dodge that curveball.

You squint your eyes in a judgmental expression. If it's not about you, then what's his problem? Why would he have such an exaggerated reaction? 

Oh, wait. 

He's always been so shy, so maybe… No, it couldn't be.

"You've kissed people before, right? You know how to kiss… right? You had a girlfriend! Don't tell me your relationship with that psycho was based on only holding hands, you were a teenager already!" You refuse to believe someone who looks like him has never kissed anyone. No matter how shy he is, it's unacceptable. Especially with those lips… Not that you're paying much attention to them, it's just that they look very kissable, objectively speaking. Besides, he said he was with Jiwon for two years, so he must have kissed her multiple times. Ugh, you don't even wanna think about it. Wait, that's not the point right now.

"Of course I know how to kiss!" He sounds defensive at first, but quickly backs off a little. "It's just… Well, I haven't done it in a while," he mumbles.

"How long is 'a while', Choi Soobin?" You inquire, and he sighs and drags his mug on the table, passing it from one hand to another without ever lifting it off the surface.

"Like a little over two years? Maybe almost three?" He says sheepishly, eyes focused on the hot chocolate.

"The last time you kissed someone you weren't even in college yet? For real? With that face? Is that what you're telling me?" That's terrible, isn't it? "Oh, God, was Jiwon the last person you kissed?"

He shrugs, avoiding your eyes, his cheeks slightly tinted in pink. 

"Jesus, it actually was?" You question in disbelief. 

No, that's unacceptable! Did he never think of maybe going out with someone else? Was that why his friends wanted to literally pay him to find a girlfriend? It kind of makes more sense now. And must you solve everything by yourself in this agreement you have with him? More than that, do you want to solve that problem? Because, as you said, you're gonna have to kiss him eventually, but you have to do it just like the actors do: professionally, without second thoughts or intentions. This is a business transaction.

No, okay, it's fine, you can totally do it!

"Get up," you say as you make your way around the table to stand next to him. 

His gaze follows you, looking hesitant.

"What are you doing?" He questions and you gesture to rush him.

"We're practicing. Get up."

"Practicing?" His eyes widen as realization dawns on him. "N-no, I don't… I don't wanna… do that right now." 

"We need to look believable, Soob," you reason. "I'm pretty sure Sunoo is suspecting that we're up to something, he's been acting weird lately and we still got a whole month and a half ahead of us. So I need to make sure you can kiss me without malfunctioning in front of everyone, okay? It's just for show, just a quick kiss will do. Come on, just pretend this is some theater class or something. I'm not gonna eat you alive."

He pouts and mumbles something unintelligible, but stands up and faces you nonetheless. He's a lot taller, so you have to look up, but you're used to it by now. Maybe next time you could pick a fake boyfriend who's not a living tower. But then again, he's a pretty decent choice and has been a good friend so far, so you can't complain — except for the part where he messes with your brain sometimes.

You can already feel the regret creeping up your thoughts before you even do anything, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

"Ok, now imagine we're out with our friends. Sunoo says something like, oh you guys are so adorable together!" You try your best to sound like your friend. "So we smile and I say 'yeah, we are' and then I pull you closer like this to act like a cute girlfriend who's totally in love with you." You reach up to his face and bring him a little closer, standing on your tiptoes. "And I give you a quick peck like this to show them how adorable we are." You do just what you said, placing your lips on his for a quick innocent kiss.

Okay, that wasn't as hard as you thought it would be for you. Maybe a little awkward, sure, but it could've been a good start, and it should be alright, except Soobin is completely frozen, staring at you. 

"Soob, come on, at least try," you whine as soon as your mouth is away from him again. "It's just a peck."

"I just feel weird doing this," he admits, kind of pouting once more. "You're my friend."

You get where he's coming from, but it would be a lot easier if both of you just did it without giving it much thought, which is why you're in a rush to get it over with. Just a quick practice and then a few occasional kisses here and there over the next six or seven weeks and boom, done, problem solved.

"Okay, let's forget the hypothetical scenarios and practice the important part. Close your eyes."

"But–"

You sigh out of frustration, but you don't wanna be harassing him, do you? You know how he is, and if it's already awkward for you, it's probably ten times worse for him. Maybe you should just back off, you can keep kissing his face whenever you need to look cute. It's been working so far, anyway, so if Sunoo pressures you about it, you can just claim Soobin is shy.

"Fine, if you really don't wanna do this, we can stop right now," you give in, not wanting to force him into something against his will, and you're about to turn around, but he holds you by the wrist.

That move takes you by surprise, freezing you in place, and you just stare at his face for a moment. He then sighs and shakes his head, apparently changing his mind.

"No, let's– Let's do it. It's part of our roles, and we should know how to play them. It's a matter of pride now, right?" He says, so you twist your lips. "It's just pretend, like you said. It shouldn't be too hard."

"Are you sure?" You insist, just to be safe.

"Yeah, just… be patient, please."

You nod. You're always patient with him, anyway, so it wouldn't be different right now. You want him to be comfortable.

"Okay. Close your eyes." You repeat, more softly, and reach up again, this time gently covering his eyes with your hands, which makes him chuckle. "I'm gonna kiss you now, is that alright?"

"Okay."

You give him another peck, and this time he reacts more naturally, so you smile.

"Hands on my waist now, loverboy," you instruct him and he complies, bringing your body closer to his, and you have to ignore the feeling it brings to your chest. "You gotta look like you want me really close to you, so try to picture me as someone you have a hard crush on." After another gentle peck, you remove your hands from his eyes and place them on the sides of his neck. "Can I kiss you for a little longer now?" You whisper, with your lips practically brushing over his.

He nods to give you permission, so you close the gap between the two of you, kissing him gently.

Though hesitant at first, he slowly starts to let go of his own tension as his lips move in a newfound synchrony with yours, and it feels… good. It's sweet, it's gentle, it's innocent and comfortable. His fingers calmly run up and down your sides when he manages to relax enough, and maybe you let the kiss last just a little longer than it should, but it feels so nice that you don't really wanna stop, despite knowing you have to.

When you finally break away, you keep your eyes closed and your face close to his. The rush inside of you is similar to the one you felt on your last night at your family's house with him, but you're sure it just means you've been needing some physical attention and some kisses for a while, and your body is finally getting a quick taste of it. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

"See? It wasn't so bad, you got the hang of it quickly," you murmur, and you feel him unconsciously pressing you closer to him once again, as if he doesn't wanna let go yet.

"I, uh– I don't think I did, actually. It's… um, it's still kind of weird." His hands are still absentmindedly caressing your waist, and you can feel his breath fanning your face. 

You chuckle, not sure whether he means it or if he's just as needy as you've been lately. Judging by all the stammering and the tone of his voice, you assume he's probably blushing right now, but you don't open your eyes to check. You can't judge him, can you?  

"Yeah? Wanna try again?" You offer quietly, and he shyly hums in agreement, so you kiss him one more time. 

It feels different this time, as he holds you very close to his body, and your mouths slowly seem to find a new sense of urgency within that kiss. Sure, it started just as gently as the previous one, his lips adjusting to yours as his hands keep doing the same soft movement over your waist, probably trying to stay on safe grounds, but this time the slow pace starts to dissolve gradually. You run a hand through his hair, on the back of his head, and you can feel his mouth getting greedier, though everything still feels pretty sweet. 

There's a voice inside your head telling you to stop, but you give it little to no attention at all. You see, your recent kiss deprivation is hitting you hard now that your mouth has been connected to another, and, to be honest, it doesn't help that his lips are so pretty and soft and overall kissable as fuck, and that his fingers keep running over your body gently, giving you a little boost of pleasure from that whole thing.

At some point, he sighs against your mouth, slightly parting his lips, and you take the opportunity to put your tongue to good use, looking for his own, and he doesn't try to stop you. On the contrary, as a soft, quiet groan leaves his throat, his grasp on you gets firmer, causing a whole new streak of sensations to hit your body.

He carefully turns you just enough to lift your body and sit you up on top of the table, and one of his big hands finds its way up to your hair, at the back of your head, while the other is pressed against your lower back, once again in an attempt to keep you close. 

With him standing between your legs, you catch yourself wondering how a simple kiss practice session turned into a full make out session, but you're not about to complain. You don't know why things escalated so quickly, but your body feels hot, especially when you hear a soft whimper leaving his throat.

The way Soobin kisses you makes it clear that what he said about not kissing anyone in a long time is true. Not because he's bad at it — mind you, he's doing a fantastic job at making your heart race and your temperature rise right now —, but because he's kissing you like your lips are the only thing that can save his life right now. He kisses you like he needs this, like he needs you, like he's been craving this for way too long.

It's like fireworks going off in a beautiful starry night sky. You can't put your finger on it, but there's something there. His lips are warm and like hot chocolate and future regret, and the more you get from him, the more you want.

You tug at the roots of his hair and he groans quietly, and the muffled sound of that sends a whole wave of electricity through your body as his right hand slides from your back to your waist and then down to your thigh and his body gets pressed against yours. You're finding a whole different side of Choi Soobin, one you never even thought was real, but now that he's here, something inside of you wants to see more.

God, why is he so tempting?

Both of you only seem to come back to your senses when you pause a little to catch your breath, and reality hits you like a brick of ice.

For fuck's sake, what were you doing? Okay, just play it cool.

"Good job," you say playfully, slightly out of breath, and poke his stomach gently. You open your eyes, but his are still closed. 

"Thanks," he replies timidly, panting softly, and even the sound of his irregular breathing causes some type of reaction inside of you.

You run a thumb over his plump lower lip, and it takes all your mental strength to not kiss him again. If it were up to you, you'd taste his mouth for the rest of the night, but you know you can't. You shouldn't.

It's not like you didn't know Soobin is beautiful — that was actually one of the first things you noticed about him when you first saw him, and it's a thought that's been haunting you lately as well —, it's just that right now he looks like temptation and sin, and the way his lips look even pinker than before — matching the color of his ears and cheeks — while he's still trying to get the rhythm of his own breathing under control is like an open invitation for you to jump right back into what you were just doing.

Still, you must respect the boundaries between the two of you. He's not a hookup, he's not someone you met at a party. He's your friend, your partner in that crazy mission you set up for yourself.

You give him a moment of silence, not moving away just yet. If he wants to kiss you again, that's his chance. You hope he does, because you want more of whatever he has to offer. But he stays still, not moving, not opening his eyes, not taking his hands off of you, not doing anything. Maybe you went a little over the top.

"I should go now." You gently push him, so he lets go of you and finally opens his eyes.

You can see the exact moment when realization hits him as well, just by the way his gaze shifts and he hurriedly pulls away from you.

"Yeah, uh, it's getting late." He grabs his mug and scurries away from the table to take the piece of ceramic to the sink, probably to gain himself a moment to recover.

"Kiss me like that when we're out and everyone's gonna believe us." You tease and he laughs awkwardly.

"Sorry about that," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

When he comes back to where you are, you shrug.

"It's cool. I guess you missed kissing someone. It's cute." You slide off the table and smile at him, which makes him get even more flustered. 

"So, um, see you tomorrow? We're… having lunch together, right?" It sounds like he's just trying to change the subject quickly, but you don't comment on it, because you don't want him to freak out right there.

"Yeah, Gigi will be there with Jisung as well and they're like… really into PDA, so be aware of that. It's gonna be gross," you warn him as you grab your bag and he nods. "That also means we're gonna be snuggling a lot." When you start to leave, he trails along.

"Okay, noted."

"We can even test this whole kissing thing, huh?"

"Ah– Well, uh, I, um– sure, yeah."

The rest of the walk to his front door is totally silent, filled only with the soft sound of both of you trying to breathe at a regular pace. Have you gone too far? Should you have cut the kissing session off earlier?

He opens the door for you as soon as you put your shoes on, and though he can't look you in the eyes, his gaze still follows your movements.

"See you tomorrow, loverboy."

"See ya, Y/N." He bows his head slightly and you do the same to show politeness, as if you weren't sucking each other's faces just a moment ago, before you finally leave.

It's awkward, and you don't wanna think about it.

Unfortunately for you, the thought of him and how his lips felt on yours follows you all the way home. You can still hear the soft sounds in your head and feel his large hands on your skin, like a ghost tempting you.

Unfortunately for him, and unbeknownst to you, this whole ordeal just made him wanna think of any excuse to kiss you while playing pretend just to taste your lips again, and he hates himself for it.

permanent taglist (open): @junnmizz @joti17 @shanice-1104 @soobin-chois @yeonqt @startlinejjuni @gorechoi @strawbrinkofdeath @etherealcherrie @en-boyz @todorokiskitten @ja4hyvn @yeppeudau @carayat @lvxbbh @dubaddunat @luvrjn @spiderlilyfics @hibuki-chan @fallingforya @multifandomizer @ashxxkook @jaxavance @b1u3hour @hwasatiny @ineedaherosavemeenow @ohwonwoo @w31rdg1rl @bibinnieposts @highkey-fangirling @lilacdreams-00 @laiverose @soobinsfav @simeonswhore @wccycc @boo-ghostplayer

eleven - i'd rather simp for sunoo

pairing: solo artist!park sunghoon x photographer!female reader

warnings: sadness, swearing

genre: angst, tiny fluff, comedy

love again masterlist

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taglist: @staysstrays @soobin-chois @fylithia @enhacolor @ja4hyvn @maiverie @bambisgirl @asahicore @its-madi @shawkneecaps @yogurteume @theskzvibe @shuaeunie @cyuuupid @dreamyeyes26 @youreverydayzebra @candidupped @sungookie @hiqhkey

a/n: will be more frequent with reposting the updates for this fic. life's just been.... hectic lately 💞

thirteen — just FINE???

pairing: solo artist!park sunghoon x photographer!female reader

warnings: sadness, swearing

genre: angst, tiny fluff, comedy

word count: 0.8k

love again masterlist

previous | next

taglist: @staysstrays @soobin-chois @fylithia @enhacolor @ja4hyvn @maiverie @bambisgirl @asahicore @its-madi @shawkneecaps @yogurteume @theskzvibe @shuaeunie @cyuuupid @dreamyeyes26 @youreverydayzebra @candidupped @sungookie @hiqhkey

FRIDAY 3RD DECEMBER.

the shoot didn't take long, and you made sure you maintained your professionalism the entire time, which of course, isn't a hard task for you, especially in your line of work, as you had to always be professional. plus you didn't want to let jay down, you felt like he was definitely trying to intimidate you a little when you two first met but who could blame him really? with the behaviour of the people who previously took photos of him, you understood his bluntness and uninterested tone in anything you had to say besides the topic of how the photoshoot was going to go.

as you were packing your belongings away, getting ready to leave, jay appears at your side, "hey, y/n, i just wanted to say thank you for today. you were completely professional and it's appreciated, so much, thank you. i apologise that i was a jerk earlier."

"don't worry about it, i don't blame you. i would feel the same way as you. being a photographer, you get to know others in the business and not everyone is as professional as they should be. people can take advantage or not do what they're paid to do by their clients. i'm sorry people have let you down in the past, and i hope that doesn't happen again," you give him a small smile and you're ready to say goodbye when he stops you, asking if you're free for a coffee. you accept his offer as you could definitely go for a cup of coffee right now.

you and jay head to the café across the road from the studio and sit at the back, next to the fireplace. you opt for a cup of hot chocolate once you settle down next to the warmth of the fire.

the conversation between the two of you flows so smoothly, you talk mostly about work and hobbies you two have, some of which you share. he's much nicer than he appears online and what you've read about him in the interviews that you and yuna have watched together.

"so, i wanted to ask, how do you know sunghoon?" jay asks you, leaning back in his chair, sipping on his coffee. you half dreaded this question being asked to be honest because you still feel bad for ranting to sunghoon about your break up. you were just full of all kinds of emotions and while listening to his music, you kind of just vomited the heartbreak you felt onto him.

"funny story, actually, i'm a really big fan of his music and i used to send him really stupid memes every day and compliment his music whenever he released a cover or an EP. and i went through a very, very horrible break up recently and i told him what i was going through and said that his music was there for me. he responded to me, and he's just been really nice..."

"i'm still at that stage where i can't believe what happened to me and i wonder what i did wrong. i'm still really sad about it but i know i won't feel this way forever, you know.... but yeah, we just kinda became friends? and i owe him a lot for taking my mind off the shit i'm dealing with," you can feel the tears stinging your eyes and before you can wipe them away with your sleeve, jay's offered you a few tissues.

"thank you. uh, he cheated on me," you watched jay's eyes roll as he shook his head, "...with my best friend," as he took another sip of his coffee, he almost choked when you mentioned who he had been cheating on you with.

"what the fuck, are you serious? i'm so sorry, y/n, no one deserves to be cheated on but the fact that it was with your best friend? that's got me really angry, jesus. why can't people just break off the relationship? i'm sorry, y/n. want me to hit him?"

"no, absolutely not, don't waste your energy. i think he's accepted that things are over between us. her on the other hand, not so much."

jay cocks his head to the side, "oh is she one of those people who acts like it's not her fault?"

you nod, "yeah, her behaviour was concerning and it had me worried for myself. she was saying i should forgive her because she wasn't the one who cheated."

jay shakes his head, "is she stupid? who does that? you deserve so much better and one day you will find it. i know it's easier said than done but do not let either of them win, okay?"

"thanks, jay. i appreciate that. i know i'll be okay, it's just trying to come to terms with it and heal from the hurt that's been caused."

"you'll be okay. and i'm a message away if you ever want to talk, y/n."

experienced ♡ kiss

He suddenly feels an overwhelming desire to just kiss you, to finally have you close, feel your lips. But, Hyunjin has to address your question first. There’s nothing he wants more, but under one condition.

↳ pairing: hyunjin x reader ↳ word count: 7.8k ↳ genre: smut, some? angst, f2l, slight sub/dom dynamics, kind of a slow burn ↳ warnings: minors dni!; discussions about sex/sexual acts; mature topics; sexual positivity; mentions of masturbation, porn watching; drinking ↳ masterlist ♡ series masterpost ♡ updates ♡ read on AO3

if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! ♡

With time, Hyunjin’s gotten closer to you, so much so that he even has some questions of his own for you now, but only when he’s so drunk he doesn’t feel like himself anymore. Only then is he bold enough to ask you how a certain sexual act feels or what’s the craziest place you’ve had sex or whether you like bondage. These questions are there to satisfy his curiosity, and not in the sense you think. The answers will not help Hyunjin use your advice in real life—they will help him get off to the thought of you even faster.

It is kind of wrong, he knows, but it’s not something he can help. And it doesn’t hurt you in any way, this attraction of his. It’s not just physical, and Hyunjin wishes he could tell you that, but he’s just scared of trying to have sex with anyone, let alone someone like you. One disappointed look from you would ruin him for life. But, his secret is safe since you don’t find him questioning you suspicious in the slightest.

You aren’t the type of person who gets offended by such questions, thankfully, but you are someone who asks a similar question in return, keeping the conversation going without turning it into anything more than a simple talk between two friends. How does Hyunjin know? He’s heard you talk about sex with most of his friends, and you’ve never once implied you wanted to fuck them or even touch them, even if you are open about enjoying sex, as you should be.

But, when Hyunjin talks to you that night out on the balcony, both of you sitting on the blanket he’s set on the floor so you don’t get cold, things do turn sexual, and he’s not sure how. He’s the least sexual person he knows when it comes to flirting or initiating. When it comes to being horny and ready to go 24/7, Hyunjin’s at the very top, but that’s not something other people know about him.

The night is one of many you two spend together on the balcony, drinking in peace and quiet, while the rest of your friends are wilding out inside. It’s also weeks after the choking thing that Hyunjin hasn’t stopped thinking about since, wondering if you’d ever let him do it to you, if you’d do it to him. The thought of you riding him and choking the air out of him could get his dick hard anytime, anywhere.

The whole thing starts innocently, with him asking why you aren’t going out with Changbin as much these days. It was an innocent question, he didn’t mean anything sexual by it—Hyunjin was just curious about what sparked this sudden change in your behavior. You’ve gone from a party girl to a homebody who only showed up if the “party” was a night at your friends’ place. Besides, this was the third night this month you were spending with him outside instead of with the rest of the people who were inside drinking and having fun. 

“I guess I’ve gotten tired of it,” you say with a shrug as your head tilts to the side so you can smile at him. Hyunjin smiles back and is surprised when you speak again, “Can I tell you a secret, Jinnie?”

You can tell him whatever you’d like, but he doesn’t want to admit that, so he simply nods.

“I haven’t met anyone exciting in a long time. It’s all becoming a bit… boring to me, and that scares me. I’m too young for dating and sex to feel boring, right?” The raised eyebrow tells him this isn’t a rhetorical question.

“Definitely,” Hyunjin immediately responds, as if he knows the first thing about it. “You’re young. Maybe you’re, uh, not looking in the right places?”

“Maybe you’re right,” you readily agree, taking another sip of your wine, and Hyunjin enjoys the way you lick your lips after that a bit too much. “I guess it’s just men in general, not the clubs. Because I do meet guys at work and the gym. I mean, they’re everywhere. But they’re not... fun.”

“And, uh, what’s fun for you?” Hyunjin is clearly feeling a lot more confident than usual as he sips on his fourth glass of wine of the night. Otherwise, he would have never asked that.

“Maybe I want to be boring and date?” you suggest, but the look on your face gives off the fact that you’re not even convinced in your own words. Obviously, you’re going through something, and Hyunjin can relate. He’s been confused about what he wants for a long time, and he still doesn’t know how to put it all into words, either. “I want to fall in love, maybe. Get treated well… You know, have someone care about me and care about them too. Or something like that.”

Hyunjin nods and stares at the gorgeous view of the city in front of him, breathing in the fresh air. He understands that need too. While he is horny more often than not, he sometimes wishes he had someone who loved him. When Hyunjin’s having a bad day, he throws himself into one of his hobbies to get away from bad thoughts, but he would prefer to have someone to hold close, let the warmth of their body comfort him. “Well, that’s normal, most people do.”

“Do they?” Once again, you sound unsure, and that’s twice tonight, more than he’s ever noticed before. You’re really going through something. “I’ve never gotten that impression from any of you guys.”

You’re absolutely right. Changbin is the last person who talks about relationships, and none of the other guys seem to talk about them a lot either. That’s because it’s easy for them to get laid, and they’re clearly better at it than Hyunjin. However, he knows very well that each one of them would pick having sex with someone they loved over sex with fuck buddies or strangers or people they date until things fizzle out. Maybe they wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he knows them well.

“Well, we…” Hyunjin starts but quickly corrects himself, realizing he shouldn’t be putting himself in the mix. “They do talk about fucking a lot, but most of them are the relationship type. Guys talk a lot of game, but at the end of the day, most of us want to have that one person we have it all with.”

“Do you?” There you go again, asking the very thing he’s trying to ignore. It’s as if you have this magic power of knowing what makes Hyunjin tick and you use it whenever you feel like it, just to have some fun. This time, it’s not as serious and it doesn’t make him blush.

“Yes, of course,” he manages to admit something he doesn’t even want to admit to himself. He’s lonely, painfully so, and the lack of human touch is slowly driving him crazy. 

Hyunjin wants it all—the thrill of the chase, the excitement of getting to know someone better, the sweet pain of falling for someone, the joy of being in love, the ecstasy of getting to fuck them. 

The fact that he can’t have any of that because he’s so fucking terrified of failing at sex is killing him slowly. But, none of this is something you tell a friend while you’re drinking on a balcony, a couple of feet away from your entire friend group, so Hyunjin doesn’t add anything to his statement.

“So why do you never date?” It’s a fair question, really, especially after what he’s just said, so he doesn’t think much of it. 

“I guess I don’t have the time,” Hyunjin answers with a shrug, his lips finding the rim of his wine glass right after, the alcohol soothing him. It’s a lie, even if only partially. Yes, he’s busy, but is he that busy that he can’t go out with someone?

“You spend hours of your free time each week on painting. If you sacrificed one of those hours and went out on a date, you could have time,” you chirp and shoot a glance his way, one that told Hyunjin you just find all of it entertaining. It is a stupid excuse, you are right.

Hyunjin clears his throat before he corrects you, “That’s a hobby.”

“And sex and dating aren’t?” You’re quick to counter with a chuckle this time. Well, at least his fucked-up dating life got you to laugh and not worry about your own.

“I mean, you're right.” It’s hard to admit, but you are right, and Hyunjin knows he’s just avoiding dating in general. What’s the point in dating if you have the problem he has? However, not many people have that type of problem and not many would understand him.

You lean further back, letting yourself sink further down against the wall, knees in the air, the view of the city breathtaking. “So, what’s stopping you?”

‘The fact that I either come too fast or can’t keep my dick up because of condoms’ is the first thing that comes to mind, but Hyunjin is scared to say it, even though he knows he shouldn’t be. It’s you. If anyone he knows is open-minded and accepting, it is you. Besides, you’d probably have some good advice for him. 

The thing is, if Hyunjin tells you this, you won’t make fun of him and you’ll be a good friend and console him but there’s a chance you’ll also think less of him. You’ve told him you think he’s great in bed just weeks ago, and hearing something like that will definitely change your mind about the whole thing. So, he tells you a half-truth instead. “I’m picky.”

“And?” You turn your head to the side and don’t look away after a second or two. This time, you keep looking at him with a curious expression on your face. “Everyone’s picky these days.”

“True, but…” Once again, you’re right, and Hyunjin’s at a loss for words. “It’s hard to meet someone I click with, and I’m not the best at talking to women, as you know.”

“What are you talking about?” You scoff and chug your wine, shaking your head at Hyunjin. “You’re a great conversationalist.”

“That might be true even though I think you’re just being kind, but the point is, I’m not good at flirting.” It isn’t an easy thing to admit, either, but at least this one is true, and he’s not lying to you. Well, Hyunjin’s just keeping this one thing from you so he doesn’t lose this imaginary chance he thinks he has with you. That’s different.

“You can be if you practice more, go on more dates, meet more women...” Good advice, as always. 

Hyunjin turns to face you too, shifting his leg to the side until it touches yours. He’s not trying to make things sexual, just wants to sit in a way that allows him to look at you because that’s all he wants to do this many drinks in. “You make it sound easy, but it’s really not.”

“It’s not easy for me either,” you say softly, in a tone he rarely hears you use—one without any hint of teasing, “but it’s easier than being alone.”

“I guess,” Hyunjin agrees, taking his time to think about what you said. “It’s just… It seems to be more difficult for me than most people.”

He can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you find dating hard. You, who could have literally any guy Hyunjin knows if you just ask. You’re funny, smart, appealing, extremely attractive, and an even better conversationalist with lots of interests, so he’s sure you’re a wonderful date. If you find dating difficult, he’s fucked.

“And why do you not find it easy?” you wonder, trying to probe into Hyunjin’s life a bit more. He doesn’t blame you, not when he’s the only one who never speaks about these things, always keeps everything private. 

Maybe it’s the fact that Hyunjin didn’t say a thing or maybe it’s the frown that washes over his face as he thinks about which words to pick, but you speak up again, this time sounding nervous, “Sorry if I’m being too nosy, I just… Don’t get it. Out of your entire friend group, you’re the one guy I thought would have the most sex and, therefore, dates. Your physique is out of this world, and you’re extremely attractive, tall, funny… With actual hobbies and topics to discuss. People are going nuts over you, I’m sure.”

All of this sounds wonderful, and Hyunjin is more than thrilled to hear you say it, but none of it erases the fact that he sucks in bed. Looks aren’t everything and they can’t help him when it’s time to have sex. You are right, he could be the one to have the most sex—the women he meets seem willing to try him out, but he doesn’t go for it. Hyunjin just wants to avoid the embarrassment of failing again and disappointing the person he’s with, even if it’s someone random. 

Once again, he isn’t sure if he should say all that, so he tells you the next best thing, which is also 100% true. “I still feel kind of insecure, I guess.” 

And he does. The sex thing has messed with Hyunjin’s confidence—he has little to none nowadays, especially as time goes on and people keep dating and meeting great partners, and he’s just… Alone. Lonely. Wondering if he’s ever going to meet someone he can be himself around, someone to share everything with, the good and the bad. 

In his fantasies, Hyunjin isn’t only on the receiving end of all the hugs and kisses and comfort. He is more than ready to give the same back and put the other person first if that is the energy he gets in return. But, if he can’t satisfy the person sexually, what kind of a future do they have together?

“Insecure about what?” Your tone gives off how confused you are with his statement, but of course you don’t get it. You can’t, not when you can’t possibly imagine what a failure he is. “Because if it’s your looks, I can send you a text a day complimenting you until you regain the confidence.”

Hyunjin laughs at that, thankful for your offer. He knows you will text him a compliment daily if he tells you he needs it—that’s how nice you are. “No, it’s… I mean, I look okay, I think.”

With that, he pauses, taking a big gulp. Then, he notices your slight frown as you wait for him to continue, slightly nodding, so he looks at the view of the city again, too embarrassed to keep eye contact if he’s already going to talk about it—and he’s decided he will. It is the whole compliment thing you offered that makes Hyunjin want to confide in you. It’s still you, after all, and you’ve always been nothing but kind to him. 

So, he goes on after clearing his throat, deciding to say at least something, test the waters and see how you’ll react. “It’s that I’m not as experienced so I don’t want to let anyone down.”

“Let someone down?” You don’t seem to follow, judging by your tone. Hyunjin’s too ashamed to even look at you, so he keeps wondering about your expression—are you completely confused or are you sporting that smirk of yours? “How?”

“Just… Not being good enough,” he admits with a sigh, feeling color flush his cheeks. It might be the alcohol, of course, but his entire head feels warm, cheeks scorching as he lets you hear his worst fear, the thing that keeps him awake sometimes, his Achilles’ heel. 

You clear your throat and breathe out deeply. “You sound like you came out from a bad rom-com, and I know you’re being serious,” your hand flies to his thigh as you speak, the one that’s pressed against yours, your fingers giving his skin a light squeeze. But, Hyunjin can’t get excited over it, not when his mind is running wild. “What do you mean by that? Talk freely around me, you know it will stay between us… And I never judge.”

And you never do, he knows. 

“Of not being able to satisfy someone.” Surprisingly, the words are so much easier to say than he thought they would be, but he’s not sure how he’s going to handle what you’ll have to say in return. Hyunjin wants to look at you so he can see your reaction, but then you’d see him too, and he is too ashamed to face you right now. “That’s why I back out of dating, even if I’m having a good time. I know where it’s going, clearly, and I chicken out.”

You hum knowingly as if you have any idea what he’s talking about. Maybe you just think he’s not confident in his skills, like many guys out there. Still, you seem to want to know more. “Do you have some sort of a problem or is it just in your head?”

Hyunjin is rather adamant when he speaks this time, wanting to get his point across, and of course, not wanting you to think badly of him by any means. “I don’t have a problem,” he shakes his head, desperately needing you to not look at him like he’s some sort of a freak. Chances are, you’ve heard through the grapevine that he doesn’t fuck. You had to by now—all of his friends know about his lack of experience. “It’s mostly in my head. You know about my wonderful experiences.”

“Hm, I don’t think I do,” you simply respond, hand now patting his thigh once for support, he thinks—or at least that’s what he thinks you’re trying to do. “You’re the only one here who hasn’t really said much about his sex life.”

“Well, that’s because there’s not much to say,” Hyunjin pauses to take a deep breath before he tells you everything. “I’ve had sex twice, and both times sucked because of me, not the women. I was… Too excited.”

Hyunjin’s heart is beating loudly at this point, and each heartbeat is felt in his chest and ears as sweat washes over him. He isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but it’s definitely not the scoff you let out. Is it a joke to you? Well, it is a fucking joke, but it’s also his sad, sad life. “And that’s why you’re practically celibate now?”

“Not by choice,” Hyunjin points out.

“You’re the furthest thing from an incel I know of, don’t even joke about it,” you reprimand him as your hand smacks his thigh gently. “I thought you were going to say something… Weird and shocking. That’s normal. I think you’re thinking about it too much. You’ve only had sex twice, of course you don’t know what you’re doing and don’t have the best control. Have you thought about just getting a girlfriend and practicing with her?”

And just like that, a huge weight’s been lifted off Hyunjin’s shoulders with just a couple of reassuring sentences. You, someone very well-versed in sex, don’t think it’s such a big deal. Of course, there is always a chance that you’re just trying to be a good friend and lie in order to comfort him.

“You sound like Chan,” is all Hyunjin can get out as his heart palpitates in his chest. You really do—you two make it sound so easy.

“You mean, smart?”

“Yup.” It’s his turn to scoff and shake his head now. “Anyway... I’ve never gotten to that point where I can talk about this with someone without feeling like a total loser. I feel like if I say it to the woman, it will happen again and I’ll be too quick or won’t be able to stay up. The same will happen if I do.”

“Like jinx yourself?” you suggest, and that’s exactly what he thinks it is—jinxing. 

Hyunjin thinks it will go badly and therefore it does. Maybe he wouldn’t even suck as much if he went into it thinking he would stay hard or that he’d be able to control himself.  But, his mind just takes him there. “Yes.”

“You know what’s the best thing about dicks?” Your tone is playful, and Hyunjin isn’t sure if this is a joke.

Is it a rhetorical question? Hyunjin wouldn’t know, except that they bring a lot of pleasure to their owners. What was the best thing about them from your perspective? “What?”

“They can get hard again,” you say with a soft chuckle, moving your hand to his back and patting it. “I think you made the mistake of not going for a second and third try, Hyunjin. Of course, you can’t go right away, it takes time, but you could have had some foreplay again until you got hard. You would have lasted a lot longer that way.”

Well, he’s a dumb fucking idiot. Of course, Hyunjin thought everything was over the second he came and saw the look on his partner’s face. That’s what it felt like for him, though—like he’s fucked up and he should just go home and hide in shame. Instead, he should have asked for seconds, pleasured them some more until he was ready to go again, so he could get used to the feeling of having a warm pussy around his cock, even with the dumb rubbery barrier in between.

“I… I’ve never even thought of that,” he admits with a sigh, feeling even dumber. Every time he talks to you, he feels less secure in all his previous choices. Maybe he hasn’t thought about it because the women he slept with weren’t girlfriends, weren’t people he was close with, weren’t someone he truly trusted. “Still, I’m a long way from that.”

You whine and move your hand up to his neck, gently squeezing it which makes Hyunjin feel so good he almost moans. How does someone’s touch feel that good? “You make it sound so sad when it’s really not. You just have to tell the person you’re with about this. If you meet someone open, they can show you everything and ease you into it.”

“God, I’d be mortified if someone had to teach me stuff,” he’s quick to turn your idea down with a chuckle. You usually have great ideas, but this one involves embarrassing himself by opening up and allowing the person to mock him. 

“And how else do you plan on learning?” You sound spiteful when you ask the question, but he’s sure it’s only because you are right about this and you know it. “How do you think we all learn?”

“I,” Hyunjin sighs, kicking his head back—there’s no winning. You’re absolutely right, he should find someone he trusts and explain his problem and fuck them without worrying, practice with them, have them teach him how it all should go, but he’s so terrified of all this bullshit at this point. “I don’t know. It’s an endless circle of despair, I’m telling you.”

Then, you ask the question that changes the course of the entire conversation. “Are you attracted to me, Hyunjin?” you coo sweetly, once again making something so big sound so natural and easy.

The question makes his head snap in your direction, also making him forget he was trying to avoid your gaze. Instead, he looks straight at you, eyes widening in surprise. Why is this relevant for the discussion at hand? “T-to you?” he repeats, hoping he’s just misheard. 

“Yes.” The smirk on your face tells Hyunjin he heard well, and that you are asking him to his face if he feels attracted to you like he hasn’t been jerking off to you since you two met. Are you aware of that? Maybe it’s something you can see in the way Hyunjin stares at you when he thinks you’re not looking.

“Uhm, why?” It’s a cop-out, and an obvious one at that, but Hyunjin’s just terrified of telling you he’s attracted to you upfront, mostly because of his earlier admission.

“Just humor me,” you say with a pout, cocking your head to the side, eyes never leaving his. God, you are gorgeous. The best part about it? You know it, and Hyunjin can’t get over the confidence you just emanate through every smile and look.

With a gulp, he admits to it, “Yes… I am.”

“Okay. I’m attracted to you too,” you nod with a grin, feeling no shame about saying it. Hyunjin should really try to be more like you, but that’s the last thing on his mind as his mind registers your words, or at least tries to do so. “Like I’ve said, you’re gorgeous and have a great body and a personality, so…”

“Uh, uhm, thank you.” Hyunjin sounds like an idiot, and he knows it, but his mind can’t cope with this. 

You’re attracted to him? His dick reacts whenever he talks to you, let alone something else, and now you’re saying you like him too? The amount of times he’s thought about you is insane, even for him, but this is something you never have to know. Does this mean you think about him too? Maybe you were just asking generally. You probably find Changbin attractive, too. That doesn’t mean you want to jump his bones.

“Would you want to date me?” The question leaves your lips easily, your expression staying the same, as if you’re not asking something extremely personal and risking getting turned down, which Hyunjin doubts has ever happened to you. 

At this rate, he really thinks you’re trying to get him to faint or slap himself to make sure this is real. 

“D-date you?” Hyunjin repeats after you, completely sure his face gives off just how dumb-founded he is by this question. You look confused for a second, so he quickly adds, “I... I… You mean, if we weren’t friends or?”

“No, I mean, now,” you speak slowly, without stuttering, without looking away. You look straight into Hyunjin’s eyes when you clarify, “If I ask you out on a date this Friday, let’s say, would you be interested?”

You sound confident and aren’t quiet at all, but his heart is beating so loudly he can barely hear you over it. He feels it beating in his ears, palms getting sweaty, throat dry. So, Hyunjin clears his throat and asks, “I… You’re serious?”

“Hyunjin, when do I mess with you?” Finally, you look away, but it’s only because you’re shaking your head while scoffing. “I’m serious.”

“Never, you’re right,” he admits, realizing he’s really fucking this situation up. He doesn't know what you're up to and what any of this means, but the way he’s responding surely isn’t helping anyone. He should just be honest and tell you how he feels. “Okay. I would be interested.”

“Okay, then we can go out on Friday. Does that sound good?” you sound chirpy as you suggest a date, and Hyunjin’s heart is about to explode or burst out of his chest.

“Wait, you want to date me?” Hyunjin has to repeat, he has to make sure you actually mean this, that it isn’t a prank or some friendly date that he’s taken out of context and made into something it’s just not. 

“Hmm, why not?” you say with a shrug, and Hyunjin’s not sure if “why not” is a great reason for you to date him, but he’s taking it. “I’m attracted to you and I want to date a good guy. You’re the type of guy I should date. You also want to date more. No, need to date more. And we won’t fuck each other over, right?”

“Of course,” Hyunjin simply says, somehow forgetting to address everything you’ve said before. That’s only because he’s still struggling with figuring it all out. You’ve just said you want to date him. A real date. Just you two, on Friday. He’s not sure what’s going on and if this is connected to the crisis you seem to be having, but it’s his dream come true, and he’d be a fucking idiot to turn it down. “Sounds, sounds good.”

You hum happily before taking another sip of the wine. “And I can help you get rid of your problem,” you add with a smirk he’s never seen before, the kind that makes him feel like you want him, which is just… Too much for Hyunjin to believe.

“Wait, what problem?” He’s not stupid—he knows what you’re aiming at, but Hyunjin wants to be 100% sure before he responds to that. 

“The one in your head that makes you think everyone will run away when you tell them you’ve had sex twice so far.” You don’t even bat an eye saying all that.

“You don’t have to…” Hyunjin gulps, unsure of how to finish the sentence. He doesn’t want to turn you down or fuck up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but he also doesn’t want your pity. If you fuck him out of pity, it will devastate him. “I didn't say it because of that.”

“And you think I only want this because you told me about it? I wouldn’t offer this to any of the guys inside,” you say, referring to the living room where all his friends and some of their friends are, drinking and having fun while Hyunjin’s getting the offer of a lifetime. “I’m just… Attracted to you, and want to give it a shot.”

The date goes a lot better than Hyunjin ever expected, but he’s still surprised that you’ve accepted his invitation to go up to his room. Do you really like him that much?

He was nervous at first, especially when he was waiting for you to open the door for him, the flowers in his hands suddenly seeming like a corny idea. Still, you liked the flowers, and they earned him a hug and a peck on the cheek. 

Hyunjin took you on a museum tour, deciding that was the best thing to do together—it was a shared interest, and it left him with a valid reason to avoid your gaze most of the tour. You didn’t seem to mind though, mostly because you actually enjoyed the tour and wanted to listen to the headphone guide. You walked around together, stopping to talk when you heard something interesting, something you wanted to discuss with each other.

After that, Hyunjin took you to get some ice cream and walk by the river. That seemed intimate, but not too much, far away from restaurants, bars, and places that made him think all eyes were on you two. However, the night took a turn when you walked past a street vendor who was selling homemade flavored liquor in shots. After having four different types, you each bought a bottle and continued walking to Hyunjin’s place. 

The rest of the guys should be home, but you decide to go upstairs with him despite that, which surprises him.

“Do you want to sneak in or are you going to say hi to them?” Hyunjin asks when you reach the front door and he unlocks it.

You seem taken aback by the question, but you quickly compose yourself. “Whatever you decide works for me, Hyunjin.”

“Uh, you don’t mind them knowing we went out and that we’re going to my room?” he asks, wanting to be sure you’re on the same page. Hyunjin didn’t want to lie and sneak around, but if you didn’t want the guys to know, he was more than okay with it, especially after one date.

“I went on this date because I like you.” You shrug and follow him inside, closing the door on your way in. “I’m not ashamed of that, if that’s what you mean.”

Thankfully, you can leave that discussion for another time—none of the guys are in the living room, and Hyunjin takes you to his bedroom right away, avoiding what would be an awkward encounter with one of his roommates. 

Somehow, you end up barefoot on his bed, sinking into the pile of decorative cushions he has on it, drinking the liqueurs you’ve just bought, and talking. It comes naturally with you, even if he does still feel a bit nervous about where this is going.

“Let’s get to know each other better,” you say out of the blue, implying that you haven’t spent the entire night doing exactly that. It’s the longest Hyunjin’s ever talked to you, and he loves every second of getting to know more about your preferences. “Can I ask you personal questions?”

“Of course,” Hyunjin sounds confident, but he’s the furthest thing from it, not knowing where you’re going to take it. Knowing you, it could be anywhere.

“Really personal?” you wonder, turning to lie on your hip so you can look at Hyunjin while you talk.

Hyunjin sighs, feeling the need to copy your position, even though he’d rather stare at the ceiling if things are going to get sexual. “I should have drunk this whole bottle, right?”

You don’t seem to mind his joke, judging by the hearty laughter that leaves your mouth. “I mean, you still can, but do you really need to be drunk for this?” you challenge him, both eyebrows cocked up. “It’s just me and you, and you can’t be the worst even if you try, Jinnie, so relax.”

Your words do bring some comfort, so he agrees to something he might end up regretting, especially if you touch on things that he’s still too ashamed to discuss. “Yes, ask me.”

You seem pleased by his response, judging by the way you grin and take a chug of the strawberry liqueur before asking, “How often do you get off?” 

Once more, you talk about something so sexual and personal like you’re asking about the weather, but it calms Hyunjin down a lot. If it’s not a big deal to you, why would it be to him? Getting off is a normal thing.

“Uh, almost every day,” he readily discloses this information, knowing most men are like him in that regard, at least. “Sometimes more.”

“Oh… Interesting,” you note and smack your lips. What does that mean? Is it too much? “Do you watch a lot of porn?”

“Sometimes I do, sometimes it’s my imagination,” Hyunjin confesses. It’s true. Most times, he gets off quickly in his bathroom, just to get it over with. Other times, he does it in bed and takes his time, watching videos, imagining things—whatever floats his boat that day.

The topic quickly moves to something even more personal when you chirp, “And what do you imagine?”

“God…” The word escapes Hyunjin’s lips before he can stop himself. You’re really going to go there, he knows. You’re going to make him say it, which just fortifies his belief that you are onto him. You know Hyunjin has the hots for you and you’ve probably already figured out he jerks off to you more often than not.

“What is it?” You lean in with a smirk, close enough to let him feel the strawberry on your breath, his cock reacting to the idea of his tongue in your mouth. “Now I’m really curious.”

“If I say this, you might walk out,” Hyunjin warns you, narrowing your eyes as he inspects your face for any changes in your expression, which seems rather amused. 

“Who, me?” You point a finger at yourself and chuckle, covering your mouth. “Have you met me?”

That is true, though. It is you, and if anyone doesn’t mind talking about something so intimate, it is definitely you.

“Okay…” Hyunjin nods after deciding he’s going to go with the flow on this one and just be honest. “No offense, but I imagine you a lot. It’s because of all the stories you tell us.”

“What stories?” The confused look is soon replaced by a smirk when you put two and two together and realize that Hyunjin is just a little perverted. Or, at least that’s what he presumes you’re thinking right now. “The things I tell you about my sex life?”

“Yes.” He gulps right after, half-expecting you to get upset, even though the thought itself is stupid. You clearly don’t mind it.

“And you come to your room and jerk off to them?” Both of your eyebrows scrunch as you look at him for no longer than a second, but to Hyunjin, it seems like an eternity as he waits for you to say something, anything. “Cute.”

“Please, stop, it’s embarrassing.” He waves the teasing compliment off and takes a chug of his peach liqueur to distract himself from how red his ears are getting.

“It’s not. It’s kind of hot, weirdly so,” you look straight into his eyes as you admit this, and Hyunjin is so grateful for that because he sees a certain spark in your gaze, and it makes him think he actually stands a chance here.

“That I think of you?” The alcohol clearly helps his confidence because sober Hyunjin would never insinuate things like these, not around you anyway. But, the possibility intrigues him and makes blood rush to his dick, so he just has to know.

“Of course,” you say with a slight shake of your head. “You wouldn’t feel that way if it was the other way around?”

Oh, he’d bust if he found out something like that, but Hyunjin’s not that comfortable around you yet. He looks away for a second, gathering his thoughts before looking up at you and responding, “I’d think that’s hot, you’re right.”

“See?” You shrug lightly. “It is hot. Weird, because it shouldn’t be. You’re my friend. Well, date now. But back then, you were just a friend.”

“Oh, so this isn’t an imaginary scenario?” Hyunjin has to check once again. Whenever you say these things, he feels the need to ask again just to be sure he understood correctly. 

“Imaginary? After that conversation about your hands?” You squint at him, as if you’re trying to see if he’s following, and when he chuckles, you realize that he does. 

“You, uh, really?” Hyunjin can’t help but wonder again, his head cocked to the side with a grin plastered across his face. You? You get off to him? Oh, Changbin would die if he heard this. Hyunjin would never speak a word of this to anyone, of course, but the thought that out of all the guys, you think about him means the world to Hyunjin. “Hands? That’s what I had to do?”

“Well, I always thought they were neat,” you look down at the hand that’s positioned on his thigh, “but once I felt one around my neck, I just… Couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Okay, I feel a bit better about jerking off to you now,” he tells you through laughter, realizing that either he’s getting super comfortable around you incredibly fast or the peach alcohol needed a while to kick in.

“Because you know I do the same?” you continue the teasing and bite down on your lower lip.

“Absolutely.” And Hyunjin means it. He no longer feels like a totally creepy loser who thinks of his friend in ways he shouldn’t over stories she tells about her private life, which is not something he should be using for his masturbation sessions. Finding out you do the same—and not to any stories, but his hands—makes him feel at ease, like you are even.

“Good, you shouldn’t feel bad about it,” you grin at him, that spark in your eyes present again, “I’ve only asked because some guys jerk off too much. Death grip ring a bell?”

“Oh, no, that’s not the issue.” Hyunjin vehemently denies this since it’s simply not the case here. He doesn’t grip his cock that hard that he doesn’t get pleasure from sex, not at all, nor does he jerk off too much. Getting head feels like heaven, and so would sex, if he could just stop worrying about it this much. No death grip here—just Hyunjin living in his own head a bit too much.

“Great,” you pat his thigh, not even realizing what the simplest of your touches do to him, “that’s the one thing I wouldn’t be able to help you with.”

“Oh… And, uh, you’ll help me with, uh, this?” Hyunjin isn’t sure what’s gotten into him, but if it’s the peach alcohol thing, he’s going back to the street vendor and buying five more bottles to keep in stock because the thing is liquid courage.

“Do you want me to?” Unprompted, you reach in and touch his face, finger ever so gently grazing his cheek, tracing his jawline until it reaches his chin. Even that is enough for Hyunjin to hold his breath in anticipation of your next move.

He suddenly feels an overwhelming desire to just kiss you, to finally have you close, feel your lips. But, Hyunjin has to address your question first. There’s nothing he wants more, but under one condition. “I do, but not if it’s out of pity.” The word disgusts him, and he’d never want you to do anything with him because of feelings like that one.

“Jinnie, I don’t pity you,” you admit in a way that instantly makes him believe you. “Everyone’s been there, I have no reason to feel sorry for you. Do you know how long it took me to figure out other people can also make me come? Even now, it doesn’t work every time, even though I definitely know what I like. None of us know what we’re doing when we get into it.”

You’re kind, as always, and Hyunjin appreciates your patience. He feels that right about now would be a good time to finally kiss you, which he’s been meaning to do all night. So, he leans in and you do the same, having to get up on your knees to close the distance between you. The moment your lips touch, Hyunjin’s entire body starts buzzing as if he has electricity running through him. 

Every single cell of his is on fire just from the way you kiss him—softly but with hunger. You’re not aggressive with your kisses, far from it, but there’s just something about the way you press your lips against his for a while before moving around, wanting to kiss him from different angles, that lets Hyunjin know you do want him. 

His hand flies to your cheek, which he cups and caresses with his thumb as you keep kissing. It feels like high school all over again, like he’s getting to kiss his crush after fantasizing about her forever. 

When you pull away from him, you sigh with a smile that warms him up all over again and tick an imaginary box. “Good kisser, too.”

Instead of responding, Hyunjin lifts your chin towards him, thumb sliding across your bottom lip. The quiet hum you let out when that happens makes him wonder if you’d like him to bite down on your lips, too. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

“Me too.” There it is again, an admission that makes his heart jump up. It’s hard to contain the smile that washes over his face, so he doesn’t, and you smile right back before turning serious and sharing your opinion again. “Hyunjin, if we’re going to do this right, let’s both get tested. Once we’re clean, we can have fun without worrying. What do you think?”

Hyunjin’s not sure how you two got from a simple kiss to that, but he’s taking it if it means you are going to have sex eventually. That’s what dating’s all about, right? And now you’re officially doing that, and it seems to be going well. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, if we’re both clean, we can go down on each other and fuck without the fear of catching something, which makes this better,” you speak as softly as always, not moving away from his touch. Hyunjin’s the one who breaks contact when he realizes he’s lingering a bit too much, mostly because the idea of fucking you is something he can’t even fathom. “I’m not planning on seeing anyone on the side, so if I’m clean now, I’ll stay clean as long as we’re doing this.”

That confession almost makes him choke on air, so he takes a big gulp and hopes he doesn’t look as delighted as he feels. You’re not going to see other people? Hyunjin feels like he’s hit the jackpot today. Nothing is topping this day. He not only got to take you out on a real date and had fun with you without questioning his every move but also got to kiss you and will apparently have you all to himself. It’s as if you know what he wants and are giving it to him little by little.

“Okay, deal. I’ll do it too,” Hyunjin’s quick to respond this time, not wanting to make you think he has a problem with getting tested. He’s all for safety, especially if you’re going to be doing this for a while, which is his biggest hope. “I’m not seeing anyone, either. Other than you, tonight. You know what I mean.”

“Good…” You grin at him tripping over his words and take another chug of the strawberry drink before shutting the bottle tightly and throwing it on the bed. “It’s getting late and I don’t plan on having sex with you tonight, but do you want to kiss some more?”

“There’s really no pressure to have sex,” Hyunjin tries to reassure you as he grabs your waist with both hands and pulls you in closer. You, however, decide to use the opportunity to straddle him and wrap your arms around his neck. Hyunjin’s dick reacts the second his brain registers you are in his lap, crotch right above his, a hungry look in your eyes. “I’m more than fine with kissing you.”

And so he does, for hours, until alcohol almost puts you to sleep, until you’re struggling to keep your eyes open, until he no longer feels his swollen lips. You’ve licked them, sucked on them, bit them, kissed them, and Hyunjin forgot how good it all feels. 

The type of kissing he usually does is just an overture to something more—he can’t remember the last time he kissed someone just for the sake of kissing. It must have been back in high school. He stays mortifyingly hard under you, but you don't address it at all, and neither does he. Hyunjin isn’t getting his dick wet tonight, and that is fine by him, even though he wishes you would stay with him instead of getting an Uber home. 

But, you’re no longer just a friend, and he can’t ask someone to stay over after a first date. First of many, Hyunjin hopes.

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sunoo pls not too much digging

a taste of something new — 30. wimp

a/n: omg dani?? updating early?? unheard of! not much to say about this one except that obviously i cut yeji's monologue to sunoo bc it felt unnecessary to keep it (plus i wanted to keep the 3x3 layout today) and sunoo is in his 🤔 era

anyway! our ASK GAME is finally open, so hurry up and drop your questions if you want!

warnings: swearing, beomgyu is a little dirty-minded but he's also dumb as HELL

ch. twenty-nine | masterlist | ch. thirty-one

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**the end of a friendship

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summary! - nishimura yn has been pining for her best friend jay park since 7th grade, but she’s well aware that jay will continue to be oblivious and had accepted that she’s stuck in the friendzone, that is until she befriends a foreign exchange student from australia and jay can’t help but feel jealous over how quick yn and her new friend are bonding

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