Soobin Smau - Tumblr Posts

a taste of something new — 37. new song

a/n: ayy another update let's go! it's all over the place but it's what we have for today

warnings: swearing, simping

ch. thirty-six | masterlist | ch. thirty-eight

PLAYLIST | taglist at the end of the post and on the reblogs — click here to be added

if you like this fic, please consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! 🥰

permanent taglist (part 1): @milkycloudtyg @mrspetxrs @mystiicturtle @shuaeunie @blaaiissee @diestheticu @myjaeyunn @highkey-fangirling @etherealcherrie @gorechoi @hibuki-chan @iluvnrk-ksn @joti17 @kaislovergirl @ohwonwoo @rjsmochii @shiguresohmas @soobin-chois @strawbrinkofdeath @sunoik @wccycc @yeonqt @yeppeudau @butterflx @cherrybeomgyu @multifandomizer @bakubae000 @bergandysam @captivq @jaxavance @simeonswhore @startlinejjuni @w31rdg1rl @valewoos @ashxxkook @bibinnieposts @btxtreads @delicateflowersaestheticpony @destroying-what-i-love @enlogs @fallingforya @hannabugblog @heeseungmarryme @hotboyyeonjun @lilacdreams-00 @lulumimi @luvsoobs @oi-miya @solxrssun @vellitac 

bold means i couldn't tag you!

a taste of something new — 36. i promised you

a/n: hi! it's me, your local writer who's trapped in an unending writer's block! originally this was gonna be an sns chapter but lol it was NOT happening so i tried turning it into a written one and that's what we got. words. so many words. enjoy! (p.s. i've updated the playlist again so check that out if you want!!)

warnings: swearing, ........a quick mention of a boner but it's just the thought of it?? idk dude, soobin is still dumb but also disgustingly whipped, this hasn't been properly proofread so if you find any mistakes pls let me know

word count: 2.8k

ch. thirty-five | masterlist | ch. thirty-seven

PLAYLIST | taglist at the end of the post and on the reblogs — click here to be added

if you like this fic, please consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! 🥰

As embarrassing as it might sound, as soon as his eyes open and he realizes that what just woke him up was not a supervillain from a video game, but rather you knocking your elbow against his chest for no reason, the first thought on Soobin's mind is nothing but an infatuated: "you're adorable".

A few months ago, just the idea of waking up next to you, with his legs entangled with yours and your back against his chest would've been enough to make him squirm in horror. Such an intimate touch would be enough to make him want to rip his own skin off. But this is the third time he gets the chance to smell your scent and feel your warmth first thing in the morning, and his immediate reaction is to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you even closer, letting your bodies fit together like the pieces of a long forgotten puzzle that he accidentally found in a box on the corner of his mind. You sigh in your sleep, and he nuzzles the tip of his nose against the softness of your hair.

He's sure he could get used to this.

But he shouldn't.

His mind still wanders, though, and it feels ironic to be daydreaming about having you in his arms when that's exactly what he's living, but it's still a different situation. You're not there because you feel the same way, but because you trust him and you're naturally clingier than he'd ever be with any other friend.

The sweetness doesn't last long, though, because when you shuffle on the mattress and he feels the slight friction between your lower half and his, he's reminded of the fact that he's just human — and a stupid one at that —, and he should probably leave the bed before his thoughts go down a more dangerous path. If there is one thing he doesn't need right now, it's an unwanted boner when the butterflies are already wild enough in his stomach.

After a nice long shower, he checks on you just to make sure you're still sleeping comfortably. This time, however, he doesn't allow himself to keep watching you like a creep. He stays in the bedroom just for long enough to leave some food for Odi and check if the pet is alright, and then he grabs his laptop, his notebook and a pen, and heads to the living room.

Reviewing the lyrics from last night, he twists his lips at the words he jotted down. Wasn't he being a little too dramatic when he came up with that? Of course, he can just say he was exaggerating to make it more artistic or some shit like that, but did he really wanna say he was okay with dying before he met that special someone?

He decides to discard some parts of the song and rewrite them, humming the melody that keeps coming to his mind while he's at it. Every now and then, he grabs his phone to record a voice memo just to make sure he won't forget how it goes, but he does it very quietly, not wanting to risk being heard by you.

Being as immersed as he is in those lyrics, the sound of a door opening startles him, making him accidentally drop his notebook on the floor. And while he bends down to grab it, your head pokes into the living room just to stare at him through your sleepy eyes, not saying a word. The dark gray t-shirt you're currently wearing is normally big even for him, so it truly looks like a weird nightgown on you, but somehow you pull it off amazingly.

"Hey," he says as soon as his gaze finds you, readjusting his posture immediately.

"You okay?" Your voice sounds a little husky, and you look like you're not completely conscious.

He nods in response, so you nod back with heavy-lidded eyes and turn around to go to the bathroom without saying anything else.

For the next few minutes, he stays hyper-aware of any sound his ears can pick up, but once he realizes you've gone back to the bedroom, he relaxes again and tries to get back to working on the song. 

After a while, his phone starts blowing up with notifications from the group chat he has with his friends, and after Beomgyu sends some incoherent texts about how smitten he is for Hwang Yeji, they all decide to hop on a Discord call to make things easier. At some point, for some god damn reason, they also agree to turn on their cameras, so he leaves his laptop on the coffee table and keeps on scribbling on the pages of his notebook while Beomgyu goes on a whole speech about why his future girlfriend is, indeed, the best woman that has ever walked on Earth.

"Yo, guys," Taehyun says when the other finally quiets down. "Did Jiwon contact any of you, by the way?"

"The fuck do you mean?" Beomgyu replies, and Soobin can see him frowning through the screen. "Did she text you or something?"

"Uh, yeah."

The others sound confused, and all Soobin can do is sigh and roll his eyes.

"She texted me last night saying she had just seen Y/N with another guy," he decides to come clean, albeit quietly to prevent you from hearing it, and it's enough to make his stomach churn. 

"Wasn't Y/N with you, though?" Yeonjun asks, a little confused.

"Yeah," he scoffs, trying to play it off, though his focus is still on the notebook on his lap. "By the time she texted me we were already back, actually. Y/N drank a little too much, so she passed out when we got here."

"Welp, yeah, she actually sent me a picture and asked me if that wasn't Y/N," Taehyun adds, and Soobin's whole body freezes immediately upon hearing that. "It was a blurry mess, though. There were too many people in the picture, and honestly, you can't even see anyone's face 'cause it's too dark." The youngest even chuckles at that, certainly thinking Jiwon must be just desperate.

"She's just trying to take advantage of the fact that Y/N has a very common face and make shit up," Beomgyu tries to joke about it, but that just makes Soobin stare at the screen.

"You have a common face," he retorts, and the other three start laughing.

"Oof. Sure, simp-man."

"Bro, you literally just spent like fifteen minutes talking nonstop about Yeji," Yeonjun points out.

"Dude, I think the best option right now is to shut up," Hueningkai suggests, while the others are still laughing.

"Oh, fuck off, you guys know it was just a joke," Beomgyu defends himself. "I honestly will never understand how Soobin even got someone like her."

Simple: I didn't, he thinks, but since he can't say that, all he does is roll his eyes again.

"Anyway," Yeonjun chimes in, playing his role as the oldest of the group, "let's just ignore Jiwon."

"She's like a dementor trying to suck the happiness out of people," Hueningkai comments.

"I don't understand why you guys simply won't block her." Beomgyu's face is one of total dissatisfaction, and Soobin can't judge him for it. "She's literally just trying to ruin everyone's lives."

"I just don't care enough about her," Taehyun explains, and the next three minutes are spent on a conversation about how nobody gives a shit about Jiwon anymore and they'd rather just ignore her instead of giving her the pleasure of telling people she has been blocked.

Eventually, Beomgyu lets go of it and focuses his gaze on his screen for a few seconds.

"Uh, are you working on something, Soobin?" He asks, finally noticing how the latter has spent the whole time writing something in his notebook.

"I–"

"Good morning," your husky voice is present once again, and the soft dumb smile that shows up on his face earns him a mixture of ooh and aww from his friends.

"Morning, baby," he replies sweetly, and then adds: "I'm talking to the boys."

"Do you mind if I say hi?”

He shrugs and extends a hand to you, inviting you to come closer. "The camera's on, though. Want me to turn it off?"

Dragging your feet across the floor, you shake your head, so he simply unplugs his headset and adjusts the volume of his laptop speakers to avoid creating any echoes to his friends.

As soon as you plop down on the couch, you lean on Soobin's shoulder, and your sleepy figure can be seen by all of his friends.

"Hi," you say, getting a few chuckles in return. 

"Hello. Did you sleep well?" Yeonjun is the first one to ask, and you hum in response.

"You look kinda dead, not gonna lie," Beomgyu says, which makes you pout.

"That's because I'm still tired, you fucker," you counter, a little groggily, and Soobin is forced to bite his lips in an attempt to hide the smitten smile that tries to take over his face.

It's only when you embrace one of Soobin's arms that he remembers his notebook is still wide open on his lap, with lyrics for a love song about you on full display. He closes it very calmly, trying to look as natural as possible, and then plants a kiss on the top of your head.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asks and you nod. "Wanna eat something?"

"Yeah. Can you make me some coffee, please?" The pout on your lips makes it really hard for him not to kiss you, but he still holds back.

"Yeah, coffee man, go get her some coffee!" Yeonjun teases, making you giggle in the most adorable way.

"Okay, sure," Soobin agrees easily, too focused on you to even say anything to his best friend. "Be right back."

"Hey, can you leave her here? I wanna tell her about my date," Beomgyu chimes in, and the others groan.

"God, you're such a simp," Taehyun says.

"You know what? Maybe I am. Learned it from Soobin."

And while you laugh at that, your fake boyfriend just sighs and gets up to get you something to eat (and also hide his notebook in his bedroom), leaving you and his friends alone. 

The moment he starts preparing the coffee and hears his own stomach rumbling is when he realizes he still hasn't eaten anything yet. Okay, he can have some breakfast with you. It'd be nice to spend some time in your company, since he feels like he hasn't done it in a while — at least not with you completely sober or without anyone else around.

By the time he's putting some toast and scrambled eggs on plates, he notices your figure leaning on the doorframe. Once again, the sight of you in his shirt is something he wishes he could engrave in his brain.

"Did they hang up?" He turns around to serve the coffee on two separate mugs — and also to avoid looking at you.

You hum a negative response. "I did. Said I should come and help you."

"Did Beomgyu–"

"Can we talk?" You speak at the same time as him.

"Oh," he stops for a moment, staring at the coffee maker in front of him. "Yeah. What do you wanna talk about?"

"I miss you, Soob. I know I'm obnoxiously loud and annoying, but I actually think you're a good friend and I like having you around."

A good friend. Again. 

He sighs and grabs both mugs, and silently walks around the kitchen to put them and the plates on the table.

"Are you feeling okay? Do you have a hangover?" He asks, avoiding your gaze.

"I'm fine, I didn't drink that much."

"Okay. Well, we don't have a lot of options here, but if you wanna eat anything else, we–"

"Soobin," your tired voice cuts him off as you take a seat. "Come on. Please."

"I just– I don't– I don't know." What is he supposed to say? I don't know how to act around you anymore? I can't stop thinking about you? I'm too scared to ask about what happened last night because the only guy you should be kissing is me?

"Do you want me to leave? I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. We can call this whole thing off, I can just tell the others we broke up, or… Something."

"I promised you I'd do this for three months. Sunoo said–"

"Dude, I don't care about the prize. If this is making you uncomfortable, we should stop it, you're more important than a stupid gaming console."

He sits down as well, his eyes trained on his own coffee. Does he wanna end it? Should he?

"I promised you I'd do this for three months," he repeats.

A heavy sigh escapes from you, and at this moment he's sure you're probably done with his bullshit. He acknowledges it's not always easy dealing with him, he knows he goes from being sweet to being cold to then being awkward in a matter of seconds, and he remembers how Jiwon would always point that out in a negative way when they were still in high school. Sometimes he's too much, other times he's not enough. He knows.

"Can you at least tell me what's going on? You picked me up last night, bought me what I wanted to eat, cuddled me to sleep." As soon as those words leave your lips, his gaze shoots up at you. Fuck, you remember that? Do you also remember the pet names? "And now you're being vague. Do you maybe…" You trail off and furrow your eyebrows, apparently losing yourself in your own thoughts. In the end, you shake your head. "I don't know, I just wanna know what happened."

"I'm just, um– A little embarrassed," he looks down once again, "and I guess… I don't know."

You nod and take a sip of your coffee, and he can still feel your gaze on him, though he's not looking directly at you.

"What are you embarrassed about?"

"I just– You know. The way I acted. We kinda…"

"We made out," you supply, "I know. Friends do that sometimes, you know?"

"Do you usually make out with your friends?" Should he be concerned? Have you ever made out with Sunoo? Oh, God, he doesn't need that mental image right now.

"No, I– I don't, but we did it and it was good. Come on, you said the last person you kissed before that was Jiwon, so it's been a while. It's only natural that you'd react that way. There's nothing wrong with that." Except there is, he thinks, but he doesn't interrupt you. "I know you said you regret it, but I hope you know you don't have anything to feel bad about. If that makes you feel any better, you're a good kisser! And I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to–"

"Y/N, please." His face is burning, his heart is racing, and he's practically begging you not to go into too much detail. "Can we just forget about this? I'm… sorry for the way I acted. And the way I reacted, as well."

You sigh deeply, and while his gaze is trained on the table, he notices your hand slipping into his line of sight, as a silent offer.

"Can we please go back to normal, then?" You ask softly, and he can feel his heart melting and dripping down his system. "I just wanna talk shit about everything with you and destroy you at every possible video game we play together." 

"You wish," he ends up scoffing at your teasing words, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. We can cut the whole kissing thing, if you want, they've all seen us kissing anyway, so–"

"No, it's fine." Maybe he's being an asshole for taking advantage of that, but he's not about to let go of the only few opportunities he has to feel you. "It's just for another month, anyway. We can do it."

"Okay," you agree, pushing your hand even closer to him. "Are we good, then? Can we just be the good old Soobin and Y/N again?"

He stares at your fingers for a while, contemplating. What the fuck is he doing with his own life? Why is he being so stupid?

His hand rests on yours, holding it gently, while his brain dreads the moment he's gonna have to let go of you entirely.

"Sure," he nods, "we can try."

permanent taglist (part 1): @milkycloudtyg @mrspetxrs @mystiicturtle @shuaeunie @blaaiissee @diestheticu @myjaeyunn @highkey-fangirling @etherealcherrie @gorechoi @hibuki-chan @iluvnrk-ksn @joti17 @kaislovergirl @ohwonwoo @rjsmochii @shiguresohmas @soobin-chois @strawbrinkofdeath @sunoik @wccycc @yeonqt @yeppeudau @butterflx @cherrybeomgyu @multifandomizer @bakubae000 @bergandysam @captivq @jaxavance @simeonswhore @startlinejjuni @w31rdg1rl @valewoos @ashxxkook @bibinnieposts @btxtreads @delicateflowersaestheticpony @destroying-what-i-love @enlogs @fallingforya @hannabugblog @heeseungmarryme @hotboyyeonjun @lilacdreams-00 @lulumimi @luvsoobs @oi-miya @solxrssun @vellitac 

bold means i couldn't tag you!

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

38. nightmares — WC: 3k

A/N: is this something anyone wanted? no. will this add anything to the story? no. should i be posting a better chapter that would give us some progress? absolutely! but my brain hyperfixated on this dumb idea and i couldn't get anything done if i didn't finish this so here you go. a filler. please don't kill me. enjoy ❤ (also i updated the playlist again)

p.s.: i've removed blogs without icons/titles (you can read about that here) + blogs that don't exist from the taglist! if i accidentally removed anyone that doesn't apply to these cases, please let me know

WARNINGS: some slight angst if you squint, but tbh this is pure fluff so i guess that should be a warning. same old swearing here and there. vague mentions of a nightmare. poorly proofread, so let me know if you find any mistakes!

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

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← bonus chapter (37.5) | masterlist | chapter thirty-nine →

Your body jolts awake with the feeling of an impact that never happened, your chest heaving as your heart beats rapidly and your lungs breathe erratically. You turn around in a panic, moving your arm in search of a body that's just not there. 

Of course it's not there. Why would he be there?

You sigh, tapping a finger anxiously on the empty space as your brain still processes the images it created just a moment ago.

It wasn't anything graphic, but that doesn't mean it was any less terrifying. The feeling of being chased by someone who wants to harm you, hiding in dark spaces as you hear them move around and search for you, all of that while you were trying not to cry loudly after finding out the people you love had already been taken down… Yeah, it's not pleasant.

You shove your hand under your pillow to grab your phone, and as soon as you turn on the flashlight, you illuminate the room around you, as if to make sure you're alone, although the sudden light makes your sleepy eyes squint.

Still panting, you get up and make your way out of your bedroom. Your feet walk slowly and silently to Sunoo's door, and you knock softly before opening it just a crack. A quick peek is enough to see your friend sleeping peacefully, which is a relief. 

It's okay. It was just a dream.

You close the door carefully and go back to your bedroom, but that scary feeling is still tugging at your chest. You turn on your bedside lamp, count to ten, check if the window is actually locked, and lock your bedroom door as well. 

It's fine, you're safe.

So you sit on your bed, your eyes finally adjusting to the light. You're not breathing as harshly anymore, but your heart still feels like a motor working at its full capacity. And your brain, well, it refuses to calm down without the reassurance that that person who is not on your bed is fine.

And you know you shouldn't call at nearly four in the morning, but he's gonna have to understand the urgency of this situation, right? 

You still stall for a few minutes before making the decision to actually call his number, because you're sure he's not gonna be happy about it, but in the end your fingers tap on the screen and pull up his contact.

The constant buzzing under Soobin's pillow pulls him out of a dream he immediately forgets about as soon as his brain gains enough consciousness. His eyes don't open, though, so he just blindly fumbles around in search of his phone to turn it off. His mind might be foggy and barely awake, but if there's one conscious thought in his mind it's that today is his day off — which means no college and no work —, so for fuck's sake, who in hell would be waking him up when it's still dark outside? 

Two seconds after declining the call, the goddamn thing starts buzzing again, making him groan in annoyance. He ignores it for a moment, considering the possibility of simply not picking it up, but he figures it might be an emergency. In the end, he answers it and brings the phone up to his ear without even checking the screen first.

"What do you want?" His voice sounds muffled and exasperated, and all he gets in response is total silence, so he groans again. "Ugh, who is this?"

"It's me," he hears your meek voice on the other end. "Are you okay?"

"I was sleeping."

"I– I know. Sorry for waking you up. I just wanted to check if you're alright."

"Mhm," he replies in a dry tone, "splendid."

"Okay, um, so… Good night, I think. I'm really sorry, again."

It takes his brain a few seconds to rewire itself enough to notice the hint of worry mixed with discomfort in your tired voice, but as soon as that happens, it's like his mind suddenly snaps completely awake. Well, not completely, but he takes a 180° turn in his attitude.

"Wait, ba– Y/N," he rubs an eye and sits up, doing his best to fight the drowsiness, "what's going on? Are you okay?" Silence. Total silence, one that bothers him way too much. "Y/N?" He insists.

"I had a nightmare," you admit, still quietly. "But don't worry about it, okay? Just go back to sleep."

"No." How could he? "You didn't wake me up just to tell me to sleep again. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I just… It wasn't anything big, I'm just a little scared."

"Okay. Do you want me to come over?" For some reason, that's the first solution his brain comes up with, despite the time and the distance. 

"No! No way, it's way too late, I shouldn't even have called. I just needed to know you were there."

"I'm here, yeah." He can hear some shuffling from your end, and hopefully that means you're settling in bed once again. "I can stay on the–"

"Could you maybe–" You both speak at the same time, cutting each other off, so you clear your throat. "Sorry, go ahead."

"Uh, I, um– I was just gonna say I can stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, if you want," he offers sheepishly, unsure if that would be considered as overstepping the line.

The silence that takes over the call makes him wonder whether he should've stayed quiet or not. Maybe he shouldn't have made that offer. He's not actually your boyfriend, after all, so he should know his place. His lips part, ready to verbalize an awkward apology, but your voice stops him from doing so.

"I'd like that. I just… I'd like your company right now."

He bites the inside of his cheek, feeling his heart skip a beat at your raspy tone. His brain can picture you all pouty, curling in bed, in need of a good cuddle to sleep well. It breaks his heart that you're alone. Maybe he should actually get up and go to your place. He could hold your hand to bring you the same comfort you provide when you're the one doing that for him.

His head shakes and he curses himself mentally. He shouldn't be thinking about that right now. You're clearly having a hard time and he's selfishly thinking about all of that ridiculous, sappy bullshit.

"Soobin?"

"Uh," he staggers, "yeah, sorry. Are you ready to sleep? Or do you wanna drink some water, maybe wash your face to cool down?"

"Well, um, I'm kinda– I don't really wanna leave the bedroom again," you sound so quiet that he can barely hear you, "so I think I'll just stay here."

"Come on," he tries, "I'm here with you. Please get yourself some water, 'kay?"

You groan tiredly and he can hear some shuffling again. A deep sigh comes from your end of the line, as he slides down until he's lying on the bed again.

"Soob…"

"Hm?"

"Would you… mind turning on the camera? Just for a little bit?"

He ends up chuckling at the unexpected request. Not that he thinks it's funny that you're scared, it's just kind of adorable that you think you'll feel safer if you get to see his face. His heart beating faster once again definitely has nothing to do with that.

"Don't laugh!" You whine.

"I'm not laughing!" Yes, he is.

"Ugh, forget it."

"No, let's–"

And then you hang up, completely cutting him off. 

He tries to call you back, but you decline it right away, making him laugh more at your stubbornness. He won't leave you alone now, though. You're the one who woke him up, after all.

Still chuckling to himself, he turns on the lamp on his bedside table and uses his selfie camera to make sure he doesn't look like a total mess. He can't see his own face very clearly under the dim light, which is probably a good thing right now, but he still runs a hand through his disheveled hair to try and fix it before actually calling you.

"Hm," you grumble upon seeing his face, "you look like a trainwreck."

His smile is replaced by a frown, because he's aware of that, but you didn't have to point it out, did you?

"But in a cute way," you continue before he can defend himself. "You look cute when you're sleepy."

He rolls his eyes and shifts on his bed, lying on his side, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach.

"Shut up and go get some water. I'll be here with you."

"Back to being grumpy, are we?" You tease and he scoffs.

"I'm not grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy," you mock him with a deep voice and the biggest pout, and he tries his best to look annoyed and hide the sudden urge to kiss you, even though you're far away.

"Water, Y/N. Go."

"Grumpy and bossy," you comment as you get up. "Kinda hot, you know?" You even tilt an eyebrow up. 

"Shut up," he scoffs, though the dimples created by his suppressed smile don't let him hide he's pleased with that comment, despite knowing it's all just a joke to you. "Come on, I wanna sleep."

You giggle and his heart melts a little. "I'm going! Now be quiet, I'm not wearing my earbuds and I don't want to wake Sunoo up." 

He presses his lips together, dimples still on display, and pretends to zip his mouth, silently watching you through his screen. It goes totally dark once you go into the hallway, but you turn on a light a moment later. And there he is, just watching you while you do such a trivial task. At some point you ask him to wait and then leave your phone on what's probably a counter, and he's left staring at the ceiling of your kitchen. When he hears your voice quietly humming a melody, he smiles and turns around in bed, still waiting.

Soon you grab the phone again and head back to the bedroom, now with a glass of water in hand.

"Okay, the coast is clear," you say after closing the door behind you.

"Alright. Drink your water and get in bed, then."

"Are you gonna keep bossing me around?" You jokingly complain. "Again: kinda hot."

"I'm not doing anything," he counters, just hoping you'll stop teasing him. You were all fragile and grumpy just a moment ago, what the hell happened? Did you just flip a switch or something? "I told you, I just wanna sleep."

"Mhm," you mumble, taking a sip of your water. "And yet, you were willing to get up and come to my place just to keep me company."

He narrows his eyes. "Do you want me to hang up?" 

"No," you answer way too fast, sounding a little panicked all of a sudden. "Please, stay. I just– Sorry, I'm just joking around."

The sudden change in your tone makes him knit his eyebrows down.

"Hey, I know. Don't worry, I'll stay with you," he reassures you, leaving all the bickering aside. "Are you sure you don't wanna talk about your nightmare?"

"No, that'd be worse. I just wanna forget about it. Just keep talking to me about anything, okay?"

"Alright, baby," the last word comes out unconsciously, but as soon as he realizes what he just said, his eyes bulge a little. Fuck, did you hear it? Would you be uncomfortable with that? Well, you call him baby sometimes too, right? Granted, it's usually to tease him or when you're in front of your friends, but still… You called him baby when you were drunk, too, so why is he even freaking out? It's just a goddamn nickname. A simple word. Nothing else. Just a pet name you use even for your friends. But what if–

"Thank you." Okay, maybe you didn't hear it. Or maybe you just didn't care.

Good. Great. That's great. No reason for him to panic. It's alright.

"Can I ask you something?" You lift up the phone to get a better angle. As soon as he hums in response, you continue: "Have you been working on a new song?"

Wait, what? How do you know about that?

He clears his throat and shuffles in bed yet again. 

"Out of the blue?" Why would you even ask him about that?

"Well, Beomgyu was kinda nagging me about it. He was like come on, I know he showed you something, so I got curious," you admit and take another sip. "You don't need to show me anything, though. I won't force you to."

"I know," he sighs. "Well, yes, I started working on something. Beomgyu caught me red-handed and won't leave me alone now."

"He's just a little curious and a little anxious, I guess," you ponder. "He really wants to work on something new. I think he's trying to impress Yeji."

"Yeah, probably," he chuckles. "I'm not ready to share it, though. I need to like it enough first."

"It's okay. If he nags you about it again, send him a Rickroll link." For some reason, your suggestion makes him laugh more openly, so you laugh too, and even in the faint light, your smile is the prettiest he's ever seen. "I'm serious! Just be like 'ugh, fine, here's a snippet', and boom! Rickroll'd."

"It's not a bad idea, actually." He's still smiling, ignoring the tiredness he's feeling. 

"I can hook you up with some pretty good links, if you want."

"I'm sure you can." He turns again, now lying on his back, and brings his free hand to his chest while the other holds the phone up. "Have you seen that Attack on Pingu meme? That's a pretty good one to send him, too. He loves that one."

"The Pingu what?"

He laughs once more and runs his hand over his face and up to his hair, brushing it back. "Remind me to show you that one later."

"Come on," you whine, "now I'm curious."

"And I'm sleepy, and so are you," he responds, making you roll your eyes playfully. 

"Fine." He can't help but feel like you're mocking him every time you use that word, but it's not something that bothers him. It's the opposite, actually. "I should go pee first, though. I need to make room for the water I just drank."

"TMI, but okay. Are you gonna make me hear you peeing too or can you do that by yourself?"

"Ooh, I hadn't thought about that. Wait."

"Look, I don't wanna hear it, I think you can survive a few minutes in the bathroom," he jokingly tells you when he notices you're getting up with your phone again.

"Fuck off," you giggle and his smile automatically returns, "I'm not taking you with me. I'm doing something better, just give me a second."

"Is it actually better, though?"

After some moving around, you adjust the phone on (what he assumes is) your desk, making it stand somehow in a way the camera faces the door. 

"Okay, so," you stand in front of the camera, "I'll leave the door to the hallway open. If you see something following me you absolutely have to teleport here immediately."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Alright, okay. It's fine. I'll be right back."

"I'm right here, don't worry. If I see anything I'll scare it away," he promises.

"Thanks," you reply with a smile, and then he watches you leave.

You turn on the lights before leaving, of course, and it's only when he sees you from a distance and in a brighter light that he notices the huge shirt you're wearing. Of course, it could be any shirt, but it's strangely similar to one that recently has gone missing from his wardrobe. Did you take it from his place? Well, it looks good on you, at least, but did you just take it without telling him?

He doesn't tell you off when you come back, though. Instead, he greets you with a simple:

"Nice PJs you got there."

You grin.

"Do you like it?" You twirl, holding your phone to spin it with you. "I call it The Stolen Boyfriend Shirt look."

He scoffs, adjusting himself under his covers in hopes you'll do the same.

"Yeah, sure. Can we go to bed now?" He asks, diverting from the topic, because he doesn't wanna think too much about it.

You giggle, but still lie on the mattress and get yourself under your blanket.

"There. Happy?"

"Mhm. Close your eyes now."

You obey, and he watches your pretty face, his gaze getting caught up in your soft smile. Once again, the only light illuminating you is the bedside lamp, but that's enough for him to see your peaceful features.

"Soobin," your eyes open slowly, your voice going back to a much softer tone.

"Hm?"

"Thank you. I promise I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry. Let's just sleep." He doesn't want you to feel like you need to return the favor when he didn't even do anything. All he did was talk to you for a few minutes, and that's not something hard to do. "Good night now. Call my name if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," you nod, "good night, baby," you reply while adjusting something as support to keep your phone facing you, and only then do you close your eyes again.

When you pull a pillow closer to your body and hold it tight against your chest, he smiles tenderly, wishing it could be him instead. He keeps watching silently, keeping you company and waiting for the moment you seem to actually fall asleep so he can do the same without any worries. 

Somehow, he sleeps better with you there, even if it's just through a screen.

← bonus chapter (37.5) | masterlist | chapter thirty-nine →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

39. weird...

A/N: "why are we getting taehyun's pov when he barely even shows up in this story?" you might ask, and i'll just tell you i don't know either but we're rolling with it

WARNINGS: cursing, jiwon trying to be manipulative, also some unintentional gaslighting?????????? idk man

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter thirty-eight | masterlist | chapter forty →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

40. ungrateful fuck

A/N: omg another update?? must be a fever dream!!

WARNINGS: the usual swearing + grumpy soobin

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter thirty-nine | masterlist | chapter forty-one →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

41. the hwang yeji effect (part two)

A/N: this is the fifth update in a span of eight days and atp i'm feeling very nan nugu i don't know who i am to be quite honest with you. anw again my tags aren't working for some reason so reblogs will help me loads since tumblr apparently doesn't want me to post this fic 🥰

WARNINGS: swearing, some mild simping, the stuff you're used to at this point

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter forty-one (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-two →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

41. the hwang yeji effect (part two)

A/N: this is the fifth update in a span of eight days and atp i'm feeling very nan nugu i don't know who i am to be quite honest with you. anw again my tags aren't working for some reason so reblogs will help me loads since tumblr apparently doesn't want me to post this fic 🥰

WARNINGS: swearing, some mild simping, the stuff you're used to at this point

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter forty-one (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-two (part one) →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

43. something stupid

A/N: anyway he's HERE and he's BLOND and the world is wonderful finally!! we'll get back on track on the next chapter, i promise 🥰 but for now, enjoy this filler. also i've updated the playlist again lmao 73 tracks and counting! (p.s. the last ss should be before their public tweets but it looked less confusing this way so i kept it this way lmao)

WARNINGS: cursing, simping, beomgyu being our local clown and i absolutely love him for it, soobin being the same old tsundere and pretending he didn't have the perfect plan for the rest of the day already in his brain lol help him

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

enjoying the fic? consider reblogging the chapter to help with the algorithm! any feedback is always welcome too 🥰

← chapter forty-two (part two) | masterlist | chapter forty-four →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

44. you're my friend — WC: 5.4k

A/N: it is time ! this is long as fuck bc it was gonna be two separate chapters but i merged them together so......... ye. technically a double update in one!! yay!! also shoutout to that anon from the other day, you're so valid my friend!! you were so right!! anyway um. there are some spoilers in the warnings so idk beware of that?? don't wanna spoil it but kinda have to for ethical reasons ! anyway hope you enjoy it. please don't murder me. (and i changed the picture of the playlist pls appreciate it /j)

WARNINGS: the usual cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, being (and kissing) under the influence of alcohol, insecurities, jealousy, arguing, some making out, things get a little heated so beware bc this is the chapter where the 16+ rating and the "might contain suggestive bits" we have in the masterlist warnings come into play i guess? lol but also i'm not good at writing this stuff so it's cool. (if you feel uncomfortable reading the last part of the chapter feel free to skip it!! it's nothing explicit but it's also easily skippable so don't worry)

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

← chapter forty-three | masterlist | chapter forty-five →

A party packed with college students is definitely not Soobin's scene.

He knows it, his friends know it, you know it, anyone who looks at him for longer than five seconds knows it. It's common knowledge, it's like looking up at the sky on a sunny day and saying "hey, the sky looks blue". Of course it does. It's stupidly obvious.

Still, you somehow managed to team up with Yeonjun and drag Soobin to a party along with you. Allegedly, this was supposed to be a little get-together, just a simple fun night with friends at Yeonjun and Beomgyu's place, some games, some drinks, some food. A small party, in his best friend's words. At first, everyone was chilling, talking about the most random things, playing stupid games together, etc. But slowly, to Soobin's dismay, more and more people started to arrive.

It shouldn't be a big event, Yeonjun assured and reassured him of that multiple times, so why is it that there's what feels like a million people crowding every possible space of that apartment, drinks in hands, bodies all dancing along to some loud music with unintelligible lyrics muffled by the beats and the bass? 

This is hell.

No, this is worse than hell. Soobin is 100% convinced that not even the devil himself would like to be up there right now. 

He has watched too many people disgustingly making out, too many bodies clashing together, and he's honestly worried that someone might fuck someone else's brains out on one of his friends' beds at some point tonight. These are the times when he's thankful he no longer lives with them. Imagine the horror of having strangers contaminating his bed with their own bodily fluids! That's something he'd never want to go through, something nobody should ever go through.

His multiple attempts to find a way out of there all failed because of you. All it took was a simple whiny "come on, I promise we'll leave soon, but please let's have fun just for a little longer" and some tender kisses across his dumb fucking face, and he was incapable of saying no. 

See, Soobin's a whipped man and he admits it. 

Well, not to you or his friends or anyone who might point that out, but he still admits it to himself, and that's what matters, right? He keeps trying to believe that maybe if he changes one thing or another about himself, you'll be able to see him in a different light.

You even managed to convince him to dance to a few songs before the place became unbearably jammed, that's how head over heels he is for you. However, you don't seem to realize that not even Choi Yeonjun, the "legend" himself, is capable of getting Soobin to dance to loud music in a crowded space, fighting against the redness on his face and the self-consciousness that makes him feel like everyone's staring — especially now that his hair is blond and he constantly feels like he's standing out.

You're living proof that Lucifer was once an angel, because you, too, look like one. While you were dancing carelessly, just having fun with your friends and letting go of all your worries, carrying the most beautiful smile on your face, he watched you with wonder, silently asking himself how is it possible that someone could shine as much as you do. 

But when you tell him you're gonna get him another drink and you'll be right back, and then you leave him by himself in a corner and disappear for ten whole minutes, he fears he might find another side of you if he tries to find where you are right now.

He still does, though, because he doesn't wanna be alone in the crowd, and his friends are all busy with other people, and he's starting to feel a little anxious, despite the alcohol in his blood.

As soon as he walks into the kitchen, he regrets his decision. Actually, all of the decisions he has made this week. Perhaps this whole year.

There you are, painfully close to some guy with purple hair and a handsome face, smiling like you're standing in front of the most beautiful masterpiece you've ever seen. The guy says something, and you laugh and push his shoulder affectionately, and your voice sounds so sweet when you reply with an "oh, shut up!" that it actually makes Soobin feel sick. Is that why you've been gone for so long? Were you distracted trying to find someone who could keep you entertained? Is he that boring? Why did you insist on dragging him to this party, then? You could've just gone by yourself and you wouldn't be stuck with him right now.

But well, you've managed to get him to drink something earlier, therefore he's not entirely sober, and that's probably what gives him enough courage to put on a pretty smile and come up to you after you laugh again while touching the man's shoulder for a second (and unnecessary) time.

It's all just a play, right? He's just playing his part.

"Hey, baby." He slings an arm around your shoulders, gently pulling you closer and kissing your temple.

The other guy's smile becomes a little awkward as his eyes scan Soobin's large, tall figure. Your fake boyfriend might not be the type of guy who would beat someone up, but that random dude doesn't really give off the vibe of someone who would throw hands because of a girl who's already taken either, so he doesn't think he'll get into any trouble if he stands his ground.

"Baby?" Minho echoes, clearly lost, and redirects his gaze to you. "Didn't know you had a boyfriend, Y/N."

"Oh," you sound a little awkward at first, but you end up smiling. "Yeah, this is Choi Soobin, my boyfriend. He's best friends with Yeonjun and Beomgyu, the guys throwing this party!" Your arms go around his waist, keeping him close to make sure you actually look like a couple.

"Hey. I'm Lee Minho, nice to meet ya," the purple-haired guy says, offering his hand, and Soobin shakes it as firmly as possible, as if to demonstrate he's not as weak as he might look — spoiler: he actually is.

"Right back at you."

"So, um, I should get back to my friends now. See you guys around, though!" Minho waves briefly and leaves the kitchen at the first opportunity.

The second you get to be alone with Soobin, you roll your eyes at him and slap his arm.

"What the fuck was that about?"

"I should be the one asking you that question," he counters, letting go of you as you do the same. "Are you out of your mind? Flirting with someone else at my best friends' party? Can't you wait for just a little longer and do that next week?"

"What?" You raise your eyebrows in surprise. "I wasn't flirting!"

"Oh, yeah, you definitely weren't. Oh, Minho, you're so hot and funny and I wish I could leave this place with you, but unfortunately I still have to pretend I have a boyfriend!" He mocks your voice and shows a fake smile to go with it, gesturing his hand in a pseudo-cutesy way in an attempt to represent the way you seemed to be behaving before he showed up.

You stare at him through narrowed eyes, pressing your lips in a thin line for a moment. "Are you drunk or are you jealous right now, Choi Soobin?" 

It's his turn to scoff at your accusation, convinced that his demeanor wouldn't be enough to make you come to that conclusion.

"I'm not drunk, I didn't even drink that much. And we're not a real thing, I don't care who you kiss or wanna hook up with," he sounds a little more passive-aggressive than he'd like. However, he wouldn't want anyone to come into the kitchen and hear him saying that, so that's why he's doing his best to keep his voice at a whisper level. "But I've been forced into this fake relationship for long enough to have the right to prefer not to be tagged as the guy whose girl cheated on him. Again. So if you could j–"

While he's trapped in his little angry lecture, your eyes peek behind him for a brief moment, and in the next second you're cutting him off, pulling him by the shirt and kissing his lips hurriedly. His body responds immediately, instinctively pushing you against the refrigerator and gripping your waist as he leans down to kiss you back. He's sure you can feel his anger in the way his lips move against yours, and your mouth tastes just like the last drink you shared with him, and he hates how much he likes that.

The little moment doesn't last too more than mere seconds, though, because you're soon interrupted by the sound of Taehyun clearing his throat and Sunoo snickering.

Soobin pulls away, but not too much. He's panting slightly, his eyes are fixed on yours, and he can feel his face heating up. You lean in to steal another peck and then a smirk shows up on your lips, which only makes matters worse.

"Dude, if you need a bedroom you can use the guest one. It used to be yours, anyway," he hears Beomgyu say, which is great, because that means there are at least three people behind him right now. "Just don't contaminate my kitchen, please."

Your fake boyfriend forces out a chuckle, but lets go of your body and then shakes his head. 

See, the problem with all of this is not that he got caught kissing you, but rather the fact that you only kissed him because there were other people coming into the kitchen. He stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, you actually wanted to kiss him, but in reality you were just trying to shut him up to make sure no one else would hear him going off about how you were clearly all over Minho just a few moments ago.

It's a blow to his face, a reminder that he's nothing but a stupid idiot, and that he should get over the desire of ever being anything to you.

And it's fine. It is. He'll be happy to be your friend! He knows you're a good friend to keep around, and he also knows you don't owe him anything, so he's not gonna be one of those guys who go around whining about being "friendzoned". He just needs to deal with the frustration of his unreciprocated feelings first.

"I was just kissing her goodbye." His eyes drop to your lips, unable to keep eye contact for too long. "I'm kinda tired, I'm going home."

"Didn't look like a goodbye kiss to me, but whatever you say." Beomgyu shrugs. "I need something from the fridge though, so can you maybe, I don't know, move the fuck away from there?"

After taking a deep breath, Soobin kisses your forehead and steps away from you.

"Have fun, baby," he tells you softly before turning around to leave. "You guys too. I'll see you tomorrow, probably."

Taehyun's suspicious gaze falls on him, but the youngest doesn't say anything. Instead, he just wishes Soobin a good night and keeps on watching.

"Wait." You reach for his arm to stop him from moving. "I'll go with you. Sunoo's probably gonna need the apartment for himself and I'll have nowhere to sleep. Can I just crash at yours tonight?"

Your roommate's face twists in utter confusion when he looks at you, but after you raise your eyebrows and gesture (not so) subtly at him, he just sighs and nods.

"Yeah, well, if everything works out I'm, uh, not leaving this place alone, so…" Sunoo trails off in an attempt to follow your blatant lie, though he's clearly holding back a smirk — while Beomgyu just watches the whole scene unfold, not understanding a single thing, and Taehyun's eyes remain focused on Soobin's figure.

The oldest has to force himself not to roll his eyes at this whole clownery, but a deep sigh still escapes from him.

"Sure. Come on, baby." He holds your hand and bows to the others.

"Tell Yeonjun the party's great! Good job, both of you. Sorry for leaving so early," you say to Beomgyu before saying your goodbyes to him and the others, and then you follow Soobin on his way out.

As soon as you're outside, he lets go of your hand and crosses his arms, not sparing a single look in your direction. You try to get his attention, but he refuses to respond, feeling too broody to engage in whatever conversation you intend to have.

It's only when both of you are in the backseat of a cab that he opens his mouth again.

"Why did you do that?"

"Did what?" You play dumb, observing him carefully. 

He can't read your thoughts, but he's still pissed about your demeanor.

"All of that. You lied. Everyone there knows you were lying and you had no reason to come along with me, but you put me on the spot. I had to say yes or else I'd look like a shitty boyfriend," he explains, doing his best to keep his voice low. 

"Should've said no, then," you shrug, "we could use that for our little show next week."

He scoffs out of frustration and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. He really must look like a clown right now.

You lean closer to him, as if to analyze his face, showing a pout that makes his blood boil. Why do you have to look so adorable at all fucking times? He's trying to stay mad at you. You left him all alone in the middle of too many people just to flirt with someone else, then you kissed him just to shut him up, now you wanna pout and act like you don't know what's going on?

Maybe he deserves that. Maybe that's the universe teaching him not to be so stupid. He shouldn't be falling for someone like you, he knows it would never work out, he knows you'll never see him the same way he sees you, he knows all of this is pointless. You'll be breaking up in a week anyway, as you keep making a point of reminding him, so why is he even wasting his time trying to adjust himself to please you? He's clearly not your type. He should let it go. He should let you go.

"Why are you so mad tonight? Come on, you were having fun like twenty minutes ago," you remind him, poking his waist.

"I'm not mad," he counters, pushing your hand away, so you laugh quietly. 

"But you are! It's hot, though, so it's fine, keep it going." You cup his face and kiss his cheek, and that's enough to make him flustered, so he lets out a huff of air and looks out the window with his arms folded. "Oh, come on, are you seriously gonna keep up the attitude?"

"I'm just tired, Y/N. Can I just be quiet for a moment?"

"Okay, baby. Be quiet then." You raise your index finger to your mouth, clearly holding back a smile. "Shh, I won't say a word. Grumpy baby is grumpy," you whisper and lay your head on his shoulder.

He immediately moves it in a subtle attempt to push you away yet again, and thankfully you get the message, so you just groan and move away from him, also crossing your arms.

Needless to say, the silence that sits between the two of you for the rest of the ride is far from comfortable, but neither of you makes any effort to try and change that.

"Here," he opens the door and gestures for you to get in, "happy?"

"Yeah, I'm glowing. Wouldn't wanna be anywhere other than here, in the sweet company of such a lovely being as yourself," you poke fun at his obvious lack of humor as you step into his apartment and start to take your shoes off. 

He rolls his eyes and does the same as you as soon as he closes the door, wishing for nothing but some peace. While bending to take off his shoes, he nearly loses his balance, but his hand quickly finds the wall to keep him steady.

"Why are you even here, Y/N?" He doesn't mean to sound so dry, it just happens naturally when he's feeling overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with it. It doesn't help that he's still a little lightheaded.

The whole thing was a disaster and he deeply regrets even saying yes to the idea of going to that party in the first place. He can still taste the bitterness in his mouth just from seeing you act all flirty with that guy, and all he wants is to forget the past couple of hours. Maybe the past four months. His life was much easier before you came crashing his walls down.

"Because you're mad at me for some reason, and I'm not gonna have you giving me the cold shoulder for days again. We already did that once and that was more than enough," you explain, making him laugh bitterly.

"For some reason? Are you for real?" He scoffs. He can't believe it. Are you really that dense? Do you actually not see what could've happened if someone had caught you in the act? All jealousy aside, it was a risky move on your part. And now he's stuck here with you, because if he sends you back home, Sunoo's gonna be suspicious of it. "Yeah, okay, whatever. I'll make the bed for you and we can just forget everything. Okay? Great." He turns on his heels and tries to walk away, but you grab his wrist and force him to stay right there, in the small space at the entrance.

"Soobin, come on. You're not like this. Talk to me."

He groans, staring at the hand that's holding him in place as if it could contaminate him with something dangerous. He doesn't wanna do this right now, because he knows he's not sober enough — he's in this annoying in-between stage where he's not drunk, so he's kind of conscious of his actions, but he's also not completely in his right mind —, which means he's bound to say something he will regret, and he doesn't wanna deal with the consequences of anything tomorrow. 

"Hey," you insist softly, taking a step closer to him, "please." His eyes focus on your face, a frown knitting his eyebrows together. You're so fucking frustrating. "You said you weren't mad in the cab, and now you agreed that you are, and I don't know what happened. What's going on?"

"You know damn well why I'm mad, I've already told you." He shakes his wrist out of your grasp. "You left me all alone to go flirt with some other guy at my best friends' place. What more do you wanna hear?"

"I wasn't flirting."

"You were."

"I seriously wasn't!" Why do you look like you're about to laugh? Is any of this funny to you? Is his existence a joke now?

"You clearly were all over that dude, but that's not the goddamn point," he cuts off the back-and-forth, because he knows the two of you could keep it going for hours. "It's not the fact that you were flirting–" 

"I wasn't."

"– it's the fact that you were doing it in a place where you're supposed to be my girlfriend." What else could he say without giving away the fact that he is, indeed, pissed off because you were flirting with someone who wasn't him? More than that, you've never even tried to flirt with him! Not for real, at least, just as a stupid joke. Is he that unlikeable? Is he that much of a clown in your eyes? "I know we only have a few days left, but you know about my past. I don't want everyone to go around saying I'm the guy every girl cheats on just because I'm so fucking boring–"

"You're not boring."

"– that no one would want to stay with me. And more than that, what do you think would happen if Beomgyu caught you doing that at his party? After he was the one who busted Jiwon, who also happened to be a close friend of his? He'd be mad at you, and he'd be destroyed by that, because he actually cares a lot about you, and he trusts you. Like honestly, if you wanna go and make me look like the most unlovable fucking loser out there, sure–"

"I don't."

"– go ahead and do it. Be my guest. But please don't mess with my friends. This fucking idiot is a lot more sensitive than he lets on, so–"

"Soobin," you grab his hands unexpectedly, making him shut up and look at you, "stop. You're honestly using more words than you would in a whole week right now. I mean, it looks kinda hot, I gotta admit, but I'm worried your head might explode," you try to joke, but his only reaction is to roll his eyes, so you sigh in defeat. "Okay, fine. Please don't say that. I don't wanna upset Beomgyu. And I wouldn't do anything to upset you, either."

Ha, now that's ironic, isn't it? Very rich, coming from you. Hilarious.

"You literally kissed me just to shut me up," he points out.

You furrow your eyebrows and blink a few times before responding.

"Are you upset that I kissed you? Is that the problem?" Your hands still hold his own in place, and he just stares at you in disbelief for a moment. Why would he be mad that you kissed him? That's not the problem there. The problem is what led you to do that. He just said it!

"Just forget it."

"You grabbed my waist and kissed me back, though," you keep going, stopping him once again from leaving when he tries to turn around for a second time. "Baby…" Your hands carefully bring him closer, and he hates how pretty you look under the single light that illuminates the entrance while you're being so mean to his heart.

"Don't call me that," he protests and you twist your lips.

"Hm… Okay, Mr. Grumpy." Your eyes focus on his, captivating him in a way that makes it impossible for him to get away from you. "What's the matter, then? Do you think I kissed you just because I wanted to cut you off and nothing else? Is that why you're mad?"

"Yes," the word comes out without his consent, making him curse himself mentally. What the fuck, brain? 

The tiny smile painted on your mouth as realization seems to dawn on you is the cruelest thing he has ever seen, and when your right hand cups his face and your thumb traces a line under his bottom lip, he feels like he might not have enough strength to fight against whatever you're trying to do right now.

"You have the prettiest lips I've ever seen," your tone is a lot softer now, as opposed to your intense gaze that diverts between his eyes and his mouth. "Did you know that? I've kissed so many lips, but somehow you still got the prettiest ones. Sometimes I wonder how they're even real."

Why is God testing him now?

"We should just get ready for bed, we can have this conversation tomorrow. It's late and you're drunk, and you need to sleep," he finds the last drop of common sense to say, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest, but you shake your head slightly.

"I'm not drunk."

"You're not sober either," he counters. 

You giggle and reach up to kiss his face, and he's convinced that if Satan really exists, the guy sent you to Earth specifically to tempt him. 

"Come on, baby. No, sorry, not baby. Mr. Grumpy." You pout. "Didn't you wanna keep kissing me at the party?"

"Y/N, for real, whatever you're trying to do right now, stop. You're gonna regret this in the morning."

"I won't. Do you realize how good you look tonight?" You leave another peck on his face, now on his other cheek. "I've… been wanting to kiss you all night. But– not like the little kisses you give me in front of our friends, no. From the moment we picked you up, I just wanted to push you against a wall and–"

"Stop." Fuck, you're really getting him worked up with just a few words. "You know this is wrong."

"Why would it be wrong?" You sound so genuinely confused it actually pains him.

"You're my friend."

"You're my boyfriend." One more gentle kiss is planted on his face, so close to his lips this time that he can feel his stomach twisting, so he closes his eyes and tries to fight it.

"I'm your fake boyfriend, and only for another week. After that–"

"After that, we break up and I won't see you for a while," you supply. "But that's why we should enjoy it while it lasts. We deserve it, don't you think?" You gently rub the tip of your nose on his cheek and run your fingers down his chest, and at this point he's not sure how his heart hasn't blown up yet. "Can you… just look at me? Just for a moment?"

Taking a deep breath, he allows his gaze to meet yours when you pull back. It's hard to keep his eyes trained on you, but he makes an effort to do so.

"I need you to be honest, can you do that for me?" You ask quietly while staring at him with your big doe eyes, making him forget he's supposed to be mad at you — or at least stop you from doing what you're doing — so he just nods. "Don't think about me, or the party, or the consequences right now… I wanna know what you want. If you want me to stop, just say so and I'll leave you alone, I promise. But if you don't," your noses touch and, once again, his eyes close instinctively at the proximity and the subtle change in your tone, "then I'd like it if you kissed me the way you did that day in your ki–"

Before you finish your sentence in a whisper, the fire burning his intoxicated soul has already taken over his body, so he grabs your waist and presses his lips against yours. He pushes you against the wall behind you, and when you groan softly at the impact, he knows there's no coming back from this one.

Unlike the times he's kissed you in front of other people, and unlike the delicate tone you were using on him, there's no room for sweetness or softness right now. Your lips are just as hungry as his, as if both of you have craved each other for way too long to act like anything but desperate teenagers. Reasonably enough, it only takes a few minutes for his tongue to come into play at the first opportunity he gets, deepening the kiss into something even more heated. Your hands are all over each other's bodies, grabbing, touching, pulling, feeling whatever both of you can reach, hastily taking whatever you can take from that moment.

He knows he shouldn't do this, but any sign of regret that could show up in his brain is clouded by the taste of alcohol in your mouth, the scent of your perfume, and the touch of your fingers when they find their place among the roots of his hair just to pull at them.

When he presses his right hand against the cold wall beside your head to keep some balance, he feels you holding the left one and guiding it over your body, encouraging him to explore your curves more bravely. He could probably die right now, judging by how fast his heart is beating, but he still focuses on simply feeling you.

Your teeth tug at his lower lip, and then your lips escape from his mouth just to find their way down to his jawline, leaving him to try and catch a breath as his chest rises and falls rapidly.

His eyes don't open, though, and when your kisses trail down to his neck, a soft gasp leaves his lips.

"Y/N…" His voice isn't much louder than a whisper.

"Hm?" You're still kissing and nibbling at his skin, your other hand now sneaking under his shirt to touch his stomach and send shivers running down his body.

"We shouldn't do this," he tries to fish for some last drop of sanity in his mind, but God, is it hard when you giggle against his skin and your nails run down his stomach so gently it leaves him wishing for more. "We sh– fuck, we should stop."

"You told me you'd be honest," you mumble, letting go of the hand you were guiding, but he doesn't stop ghosting it over your body and that's more than enough to make you smirk. Your lips find his mouth once again just to give him a quick peck, and the sight of you as breathless as he is could probably drive him insane. "Do you want to stop?"

His chest rises and falls in his attempt to bring his breathing down to a regular pace, he tries to fix his eyes on yours, but your red lips look far more tempting now. He wonders if you've left any lipstick stains on his skin, and if the teasing on his neck would become a hickey later. He hopes the answer is yes. He wants to feel like he's yours, even if it doesn't last long.

"Soobin," his name has never sounded so beautiful to his own ears, "stop fighting. We can stop whenever you want, but just… Just do what you wanna do right now. Please," you murmur. "I haven't touched anyone in months and I'm… dying to find out what your hands feel like when they're on me, what you look like when I turn you into a mess." You steal another quick kiss and take his hands on yours, once again guiding him through your body. "We can forget about this in the morning," you whisper against his lips. "But right now I wanna feel you. I need to feel you."

And, well, now the big problem is that there are way too many problems there.

He wants you, he feels it, and he knows it's kind of late to try and deny it when your bodies are so close that you can probably feel it too. On the other hand, he knows this is just you being sex-deprived for months when you used to get whoever you wanted, whenever you wanted. Is he willing to let you use him like that? Should he use you like that? Neither of you is sober. Besides, he's not that experienced. What if it's disappointing for you? And what if–

"Baby, stop overthinking," you whine, leaning to brush your lips over his neck again. You nibble at his skin and soothe it with your tongue, and while you encourage him to feel your body under his touch, he completely gives up on the idea of acting like a decent man. "Let me touch you… Please."

"God," that's the only thing he manages to say as the shivers move up his spine. You're gonna kill me, he thinks.

"I promise I'll be good to you. I'll teach you how to feel good." Your hands go back to his body, feeling him up and down, teasing him.

Fuck it. It's already gonna be awkward on the next day anyway, so he might as well go all in before it all burns to ashes. He flips the switch and lets his inner desires take over his actions. He might not be the most experienced person you've been with, but he's still a quick learner, and he's sure you're a good teacher, so what could go wrong?

"Fine," he mutters, letting go of you just to get rid of your shirt, and when you giggle one more time, he mirrors what you were just doing a moment ago by kissing your neck — and maybe accidentally leaving a small lovebite on your soft skin — and your collarbones, giving you the start on what's probably gonna be a long night.

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← chapter forty-three | masterlist | chapter forty-five →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

45. help (part one)

A/N: ajsdkhasd poor soobin but also i wanna punch him 😃 at least yeonjun is still there for us. anw the second part will probably come out tomorrow and it'll be from yn's perspective!! but yea enjoy this one for now 🥰 (and thank you for the positive feedback on the previous chapter i'll still reply but i just jsdakhldsa the comments made me super happy 🥺)

WARNINGS: the usual swearing, mentions of being under the influence of alcohol, mentions of sex (obviouslY), a lil hint of anxiety, soobin being dumb (is anyone surprised tho)

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs — click here to join!

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← chapter forty-four | masterlist | chapter forty-five (part two) →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

45. help (part two) — WC: 899 (+sns)

A/N: look at them sharing one single broken braincell awwwww otp behavior me thinks

WARNINGS: cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of being under the influence of alcohol, hints of anxiety and insecurities??

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← chapter forty-five (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-six →

It's not the first time you've slept on Soobin's bed, so you don't find it strange when you wake up tangled in his sheets. Your brain is still booting up, after all, so you take your sweet time to sit up, stretch your arms, and start thinking. 

However, as soon you do, you realize you're a little… underdressed. No, actually, you're not dressed at all. And that's how you start to get flashbacks from the previous night.

Your eyes bulge and your heart immediately starts to race.

Fuck.

"No, God, don't use that word right now," you hiss at yourself and slap your forehead. "Shit."

You hop off the bed and look around, finding your clothes scattered on the floor, and just the sight of that is enough to make your brain remember in full detail how it felt when Soobin removed each piece of clothing from your body, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you. 

Why did you do that? Why would you? Especially after you made him drink? Hell, does he think you took advantage of him? Are you a pervert? Is that what he thinks of you now? And why is he not there?

"Soobin?" You try to call out, peeking out the door, but you get no response. You can see the bathroom door is open, and the whole apartment is eerily silent. "Soob?" You try again, raising your voice, but… nothing. Not a peep. "Oh God, oh God, okay, don't panic. Maybe he… Maybe he went out to grab some breakfast. Maybe he sent you a text about it. He wouldn't do the walk of shame out of his own apartment, that's ridiculous… Right? No, yeah, he wouldn't, he's not like that," you try to comfort yourself while you open his wardrobe just to grab some clean clothes. 

There are a few that belong to you there, but you still grab one of his t-shirts without even thinking about it. 

Hurriedly, you look for your phone, and you find it on the bedside table, which means Soobin probably left it there for you, because you sure as hell weren't even thinking about your phone last night.

And here it comes again, another memory that makes you feel his fingers on your skin again, sending shivers down your spine. He had no right to be that good with his hands, and he shouldn't be haunting you right now.

However, there's nothing on your phone. Not from Soobin, at least. Should you text him? Or is this his way of telling you he doesn't wanna see you today? He wouldn't just fuck you and leave you, would he? You're the one who's most likely to do that, and you weren't planning on doing so. 

You actually try to text him, but every attempt sounds too awkward for you. "Where are you?" sounds too demanding, "are you buying breakfast?" is even worse, and a simple "hi" would be too dry, but sending any variations of that with emojis would be too much.

"Fucking hell, just breathe." 

You give up on trying to contact him and come up with a plan: you're gonna take a shower, get dressed, clean up the mess in his bedroom and get ready to leave. If he doesn't show up by then, then it probably means he doesn't wanna see you. 

And it's all good, it's all great, until you're actually done with everything and he's still not there. You even try to kill some time playing with Odi, but the little voice in your head insists you should just leave.

Maybe he's upset.

But why would he be upset? He seemed to be into it. Really into it. It's actually somewhat endearing to remember how he seemed to be so lost at first but still paid close attention to whatever seemed to please you the most to make sure he'd be good for you. And despite not being the most skillful partner you've ever had, it was still your best experience, because he was a quick learner, and… well, there were feelings there. Feelings that are still too new and foreign for you, but you can't keep denying their existence. 

"Do you think your dad hates me now?" You pout at the hedgehog, who's currently not even paying attention to you, too distracted with his little toy — one you helped Soobin choose.

Fine.

Five more minutes. Just five, and if he doesn't come back, you'll grab your stuff and leave. It's his last chance.

After one minute, your leg is already jerking nervously, but you act like nothing's happening.

After two, you're trying to type out a text that doesn't make you feel completely wrong, but when you reach the third minute, you give up.

By the fourth minute, you're already convinced that this is stupid, so you get up, feeling something tightening in your chest.

You hate it. You hate everything about it. You wanna talk to him, but you don't know how, and you feel like maybe he doesn't wanna talk to you, which makes you feel like you messed up, and maybe it's beyond repair this time.

With a prickling sensation in your eyes, you leave his apartment to get a cab and go back home. You just hope Sunoo is still asleep so you don't have to deal with him questioning you about what happened.

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← chapter forty-five (part one) | masterlist | chapter forty-six →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

48. brilliant

A/N: i hate this chapter with all of my might and i don't know why it's so long. but here u go! we're getting there! two more chapters! yay! also just letting you know i'll close the taglist for atosn when the next chapter comes out bc we're reaching the end so there's no point in keeping it open just for the final chapter lol

WARNINGS: swearing, brief mentions of sex and jealousy, beomgyu being a whole BABIE, the usual

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← chapter forty-seven | masterlist | chapter forty-nine →

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

50. say you love me — WC: 9k LMAO I'M SORRY

A/N: and here we are, the final chapter! well not really bc we'll still get a lil epilogue soon but technically yes this is the final chapter. thank you to everyone who has read this story, especially those who left comments, sent asks about it, reblogged the chapters, interacted in any way. i'm sorry for not replying to every single comment, but just know i've read all of them and i can guarantee you that all of them made me smile a LOT. you have no idea how much that motivates us writers! i'm feeling a little sad bc this is the first time a series of mine reaches the end, but i'm also extremely grateful for the number of people who took interest in this story bc honestly i thought it would flop 😭 but it didn't!!! so ye. this chapter is far from perfect, and i know it's long as FUCK, but i gave it my best and i actually kinda like it so i hope you like it 🥰 ok now let's goooo

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of sex, some nervousness and hints of anxiety, dual pov bc i couldn't pick only one pov to focus on lmao, obviously there will be kissing, tumblr is breaking the part where i put the lyrics i'm sorry idk why some parts refuse to stay italicized, the word "stupid" is used 17 times and i think that's beautiful tbh this is what real romance looks like

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← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

Soobin knows his friends and yours all seem to collectively agree that he fucked up, and honestly, he won't deny that. He shouldn't have just let you talk and talk and talk just to leave you hanging while he stared at you in total silence in the end. That definitely was a dick move on his behalf, but it wasn't intentional; he simply didn't know what to do. He was just panicking inside.

How was he supposed to take all of that? How was he supposed to understand that you could find a way to actually like him? He was already planning on confessing, but he didn't actually expect to hear you say all of that, especially so out of the blue.

It gets him thinking about worst-case scenarios, because well, that's how his brain works. What if you end up getting tired of him? Would you break things off nicely? Or would you just run off and do what his ex did behind his back? 

He knows he shouldn't be so scared of everything, especially of you. And he knows he shouldn't be associating any of your qualities with the ones Jiwon had. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to himself. The problem is that she was the complete opposite of him, and so are you, but being an extroverted social butterfly who enjoys parties and is not afraid of doing whatever they want is not enough to put anyone in the same category as her. The similarities you share are extremely superficial, it's ridiculous that his brain would even do that association. He can't control it, but he's trying to fight it.

Sure, the fact that you got into this fake relationship with him specifically because you couldn't maintain a relationship and wanted to prove your friends wrong when, in fact, they weren't, was something that terrified him from the moment he realized he had feelings for you blooming in his heart. But you going out of your way to tell him you want him should be enough to make him see that things have changed.

Maybe his insecurities are to blame. After all, why would someone like you be interested in someone like him? Why would you want to be with someone so quiet, so moody, so awkward, so boring? He's always whining and complaining about everything, he doesn't have a nice apartment or a lot of money to spend. Sometimes he doesn't know what to say, and sometimes he just wants to be alone, and he definitely can't go to the multiple parties he knows you're gonna want to take him to, at least not without losing his mind. Fake dating is all about keeping up appearances, posting pictures, and coming up with stories to tell your friends. However, dating for real is not as easy, is it?

But somehow you still managed to see him in a way he has never seen himself. You took each flaw and turned it into something lovable for reasons he can't understand. And if you wanna do your best for him, don't you deserve to get his best in return, too?

He's not sure whether Sunoo hates him or not, but he's still thankful for the help he's getting from the youngest, so after your roommate takes him into your building and gives him a brief lecture on how he expects Soobin will not mess up this time, the oldest offers him a quick bow and finally steps into the elevator, feeling his heart palpitate in his chest.

You, on the other hand, are sprawled on the couch, with your head full of thoughts you're trying to erase. You don't even want to be in the living room, but if you stay in bed you might end up dozing off, and Sunoo specifically asked you to stay put in case the burgers arrive, so that's what you're doing. In the meantime, you can just overthink everything for the millionth time.

Maybe all of this is karma. Maybe it's your divine punishment for all those boys you ditched. Not that you've ever given anyone the time to actually develop feelings for you — just a couple of casual fucks and you were done —, but who knows? Maybe one of them might've secretly fallen in love with you and now you're paying the price. Or, well, maybe love truly isn't for everybody, and you're one of the unlucky souls damned to live alone.

Still, part of you holds on to the hope that something might change. That's probably the reason why you told Haneul that Soobin is "still a little sick" when she asked you about him on the phone, saying she wants to see him again. You don't like lying to your little sister, but hey, you've been doing that from the moment you introduced him as your boyfriend, right? And you're not ready for the conversation that will follow after you let her know you're no longer "with him" because you know she's gonna ask a million questions, and you can't blame a six-year-old for wanting to understand things, but you don't wanna think about it either.

The stupid anime episode on the television in front of you only reminds you of that stupid asshole who just stared at you with his stupid blank face and let you walk away after you poured your stupid heart out. 

It's revolting. You hate it.

A moment after you turn it off, though, the doorbell rings… which is odd. Sure, Sunoo said he'd buy some food, but the delivery should take longer to arrive, and whoever's delivering it shouldn't have direct access to your door. You were expecting the intercom to ring, not the doorbell. So you decide to simply ignore it — maybe it's an annoying neighbor, after all, and you don't wanna deal with people right now.

About two minutes later, your phone buzzes with a text from Sunoo simply saying "girlie can you pls answer the door", which makes you frown. He said he'd take longer to get home, and even if he just got there now, it's not like he can be locked out of his own apartment unless he completely forgot his code, and that's highly unlikely. You try to text him back to ask him why, but he leaves you on read, so in the end, you sigh in defeat and get up to answer the door.

Out of everything you could expect to see behind it, the sight you meet is the only one you wouldn't have imagined to find there — especially considering Sunoo's involvement in it.

"Hey," the familiar tall figure says sheepishly as soon as he lays his eyes on you.

You stare at Soobin for a few seconds, furrowing your eyebrows. He has a paper bag in one hand, and the other holds a bouquet of daisies close to his chest. And you don't mean to be petty, especially because the sight of him makes your heart flutter, but the worst part of you tells you to stay in silence after what he did to you. 

Is it mature to give him the same attitude he gave you? Probably not, but you don't care.

His lips press together into a thin line when he senses the coldness in your stare. Or is it just his imagination? No, he knows you have every right to be mad at him. He'd be completely heartbroken if it were him in your shoes.

He straightens his posture and clears his throat, trying his best not to be affected by your lack of reaction. He's here to make things right, or at least try. He can't start overthinking. It's not the time for that.

"I, uh, I… got you that burger you like. With fries, of course." He offers you the paper bag first, and then the flowers. "And these. I– I picked them myself, so, um, I hope you like them."

While his brain goes "fuck, why am I so lame?", yours goes "fuck, why is he so cute?". In the end, you can't really give him the silent treatment he deserves, but you still try to be stern.

"You can't expect to win me over with some food and some flowers."

"I don't. I just, well, I don't know. I just feel like you told me a lot of things and I didn't say anything at all, and it's been haunting me since it happened, and I tried to text you, but you blocked me everywhere, and I know I deserved it, but I still wanted to tell you what I'm feeling, so I had to get your friends to help me, and now here I am." The thing about Soobin is that whenever he's nervous, he'll either talk too much (and too fast) or not at all. And considering the last time it happened, he didn't say a word, now you're getting the other side of him. "So," he looks around nervously, "erm, can I come in?"

"No," you reply right away. "Why would I let you in? So you can come in here and stare at me with those stupid bunny eyes again just to make me cry? No! Go to hell."

"Y/N–"

"I said no. Whatever you have to say, you can say it right here, at the door, so I can slam it in your face if you make me cry again."

"I– Ugh," he groans, "fine." If you're not gonna let him in, he'll improvise.

The boy shoves his hands into his pockets, pulling out his phone from one of them and his earbuds from the other. He reaches for your head to put the earbuds in your ears, but you move back to avoid his touch, so he hesitates. Maybe he should've asked for permission first, but this is definitely not going as he planned, so he's just acting on his own impulse and nervousness right now.

"What the fuck are you doing now?"

"You told me to say whatever I have to say right here," he explains. "I'm trying to do that. Um– May I?" He gestures, holding one of the earbuds up, so you roll your eyes and nod.

The temptation to touch your face and maybe even kiss your cheek is strong, but he settles for just looking at your eyes while he puts the accessory in your ears, though he gets a little distracted while doing that. 

He misses having you close like this. He even misses the times he had to act "cute" around your friends. At least that meant he could touch you, and you never complained about it — because it turns out you actually liked it just as much as he did. Now all he gets is the look of distrust on your face, one that weighs his heart down, especially because he knows he deserves it.

"Remember, uh, well–," he clears his throat again, "remember when Beomgyu was pestering everyone about a song I was writing?" Soobin starts while connecting the earbuds to his phone. "Well, hm, I started working on this when you… when you went to that party by yourself. And I, um, I added some new lyrics as well, rewrote some parts to make them sound better after we… you know. Usually, I'd get Taehyun to record the vocals for us, but I, uh– I wanted to do it myself this time. I don't know. It felt a little too personal. So I talked to Beomgyu and he helped me with that. If you– if you could just… you know. Just listen to it. It's just a demo, so it's not too polished, but, um… Yeah. I'll leave after it's over if you want me to."

Your eyes keep staring at him and you keep your mouth shut, so he decides the best thing he can do right now is just to press play on the song. 

I Know I Love You.

You take a deep breath and look down at the phone he's holding, just to avoid looking at him. Judging by the way he's gripping it so tightly, you can tell how nervous he is. 

See, being in his position right now is not exactly nice. While you have music — his song about you, sung by himself — playing, all he has is that silence that is only filled by the sound of his own heart drumming in his ears. 

You're not looking at him, but he watches every minor movement you might make, although his attention sometimes switches back to the screen of his phone just to check how far into the song you are.

Meanwhile, your full attention is on the lyrics and Soobin's voice. You've never heard him sing before, and the fact that he sounds like an angel just makes you feel more frustrated. It doesn't help that you can feel the emotions his voice carries on each line.

From this bottomless pit You're the only shining gold Now I can't stop thinking 'bout you When I'm sinking alone Angel who appeared to me one day Take me away to your hometown I know it's real, I can feel it

You look up and your gaze meets his worried eyes, and he immediately looks down to avoid it. For some reason, the line about your hometown is one that hits you a little deeper, just because of the memories that come to mind. Sharing a bed for the first time, waking up in his arms, running around with him and the kids, getting so close at night that you had to fight the urge to kiss him, hearing about his past, cuddling him to sleep… Those were important moments for you. You're pretty sure that was when something started to grow in your heart.

I'm full of problems, lovesick With no way to go I was okay with dying I'm a loser in this game The only rule of this world Save me Take my hand Please use me like a drug I know I love you Say you love me, say you love me Till the end of the world All or nothing, I want all of you I know I love you

The more you listen, the more you feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes, so you go back to looking down and try your best to hold back, but your resistance doesn't last long. 

By the time the second verse ends, a few tears are already dripping down. When you reach the bridge, it feels more like your eyes could be turned into waterfalls. And when you get to the end of the final chorus, well, you feel as if someone tore a hole in your chest and ripped your heart out.

This isn't fair. It's just not. How can he do that? How can he tell you the night he spent with you was a mistake, say all of those things to your face, and then leave you hanging when you finally open up about your feelings, just to come to your door and present you with a song he wrote for you, about you? And how is he capable of writing something so damn beautiful and heartfelt? Is this really the same guy who didn't even answer you just a day ago?

With your dumb heart thumping the way it is right now, you have no other option but to let him in. You step aside and make room for him to come in, gesturing for him to do so.

"Take these earbuds back," you instruct him, since your hands are too busy with the stuff he gave you, "and take off your shoes. I'm giving you five minutes to talk."

His eyes shoot up, full of hope and anxiety. He nods quickly and follows your orders in silence, without any questioning. He's not stupid enough to ask anything right now, he doesn't wanna miss the chance of pouring out his own feelings and hopefully making up for the mess he has made. Your sniffles shatter his heart, but he can't be too hasty and try to solve everything at once. One step at a time, that's the way to go.

While he takes his shoes off, you walk away from him to leave the paper bag and the flowers on the large coffee table in the living room. He hesitantly follows you shortly after, unsure of how to proceed, especially because you still haven't said anything. 

"I'm still mad at you," you tell him, despite the fact that you're wearing one of his t-shirts and your eyes are still full of tears provoked by his song.

"I know," he replies and then reaches for your face, but halts before touching you. "Can I…?"

Stupidly, you grant him permission to touch you, so his fingers gently try to wipe your cheeks and dry the corners of your eyes. Even after he's done, he doesn't move his hands away, but uses them to cup your face instead, allowing his gaze to meet yours.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounds as soft as it can. "I know I should've said something, but I panicked. I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and then you showed up out of nowhere, so my brain just… didn't work. I didn't– I didn't mean to hurt you. And, um– I also wasn't calling you a… You know." He can't even say it. Sure, he was terrified that you'd get bored of him, but it wasn't for the reasons you thought it was. "I'd never call anyone that, especially you. What I w–"

"What about the song?"

"I– Uh, well, I was gonna surprise you with it today as an apology. It was my plan all along, even before you showed up at the cafe, I just– just needed to have it finished. In hindsight, I guess I should've at least said something, maybe told you I wanted to see you today so you wouldn't feel like I was just avoiding you, but I– I'm stupid and I was scared, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry," he explains hurriedly. "But Beomgyu worked on it as much as he could, even though it's technically just a demo. We just wanted to make sure it sounded good enough for you, but we didn't have a lot of time to do much, so it was kind of–"

"The lyrics, Soobin," you cut him off softly one more time. "Do you mean what they're saying?"

He nods, making an effort to keep his eyes on yours, despite his nervousness constantly trying to make him look away now. "Every word. I think it's the most honest thing I've ever written."

And there they are again, those goddamn butterflies and those stupid tears. For someone who has always said you could never fall in love, you're surely tumbling down that hill rapidly and willingly because of that human noodle standing in front of you.

"But I s–"

"Sing it to me, then," you interrupt him again, and his eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I– What?" 

"Sing it." You also cup his face just to bring it closer to yours. His fingers are still on your skin too, as if he's too scared to let go. "You said you mean all of it, so sing it to my face."

"Uh, you– I– Okay, yeah, um, yeah. I can do that, yep."

"Doesn't have to be the whole thing," you show him some mercy, considering how nervous he sounds and looks right now. You wanna make him suffer just a little bit to get back at him, but not to the point where it becomes too much for him to bear. "Start from the angel part. I like that one."

And he's thankful for that, of course, but little do you know that he'd find the courage to sing you a whole album right there if it meant keeping you this close, feeling your breath fanning his face. 

He simply nods and does as he's told, starting from the line you chose, his voice coming out quiet due to the lack of distance between you two.

"Angel who appeared to me one day, take me away to your hometown. I know it's real, I can feel it…" Your eyes are focused on him, and your thumb is doing that thing where it runs softly below his lower lip, pulling very slightly as if to tease him, which makes him lose the tempo and slow down a little. "I'm full of problems, lovesick, with no way to go. I was okay with dying, I'm a loser in this game. The only rule of this world: save me, take my hand, please use me like a drug…" God, why is his heart speeding up so much? Why is his breathing getting so fast-paced? Why are your lips so close to his?

"Just one more line, Soobin," you mumble, your eyes still teary.

"I know I love you," he says quietly instead of singing it, and the next thing he knows is that your lips are on his. 

And you kiss him like a desperate lover, as if your life depends on it, as if this is the last thing you're gonna do before the world simply ends. Your hands grab him by the shirt and guide him towards the couch, his right arm gets wrapped around your waist, his lips follow your pace as he savors every second of that kiss. But instead of pushing him to sit down, you stop kissing him as soon as his calves touch the furniture, giving him a moment to actually think.

"I… still have a lot to say," he breathes.

"And I'm still mad at you," you retort, "but I can't resist your stupid face and your stupid angel voice and your stupid pretty lips."

The tips of his ears get tinted in red and he tries to hold back a sheepish smile, but his attempt only makes his dimples show up, and it's infuriating to see that right in front of you, to the point where you have no choice but to kiss him again until you're both out of breath. You're still hurt, but you've missed him and you're desperate enough to want to keep him as close as possible, as if he could disappear again at any second.

He knows he should resist it, but how is he supposed to say no to your kisses when you're the only thing that's been on his mind for the past week? How is he gonna push you away when your lips are the thing he's been craving the most for so long? Besides, despite all of the things you've told him and the fact that you keep kissing him with tears in your eyes, there's still a little voice telling him he might get rejected in the end, so he should enjoy it while it lasts.

However, when your moth moves away from his, he takes the opportunity to try and regain at least some of his self-control.

"Y/N, we– we need to talk." His hands hold your waist and carefully push you a step back, but not too far from him. "If you keep kissing me like that, I– We need to focus, all of this is happening 'cause– we couldn't communicate, and I want to fix things, so please, just–," he sighs, "let's just stop for a second. You gave me five minutes and you're not letting me use them right now." He furrows his eyebrows, trying to stay serious.

You end up laughing quietly at the sight, though you probably shouldn't, but he looks too adorable and that's making a part of you want to forget everything and just kiss him over and over again, while the other part is still deeply upset. It's like a war inside your own mind, but you know he's right. He needs to talk, and you need to either let him do it or kick him out.

"Okay, sorry." You raise your hands in surrender. "Your five minutes start now, how about that?"

"Thank you." He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. He should've written down some notes for himself, but he wasn't expecting you to kiss him and make him lose his focus before the conversation even started. "Right, um, I… I'm sorry for making you cry yesterday. What I said… I didn't mean to talk shit about you. I just meant, well, I meant that you've never been in love, you always find everyone boring, and I'm… boring as fuck. I'm just some dude, nothing special."

"Soobin, you–"

"No, I know," he interrupts you before you start telling him off. He knows that tone of yours too well. "I know. Just… please, just hear me out." After you nod, he proceeds: "The point is that I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just panicking… and I guess I was in denial. But then you started going off about your feelings, and you made a whole list of things you like about me, and I… I couldn't function. I just blanked. None of that made any sense to me, but you sounded so sincere, and I just wanted to cry 'cause you're so… so beautiful, Y/N. Not just on the outside. You're so smart, so funny, so determined, so loving. You always lift everyone's mood, you always know what to do and what to say to cheer people up. You're focused on what you want and you always fight to get it, even if sometimes you get a little tired. I mean, come on, your whole family moved back to your hometown and you decided to stay here so you could build your own life, even though you miss them. And I… I don't know how to explain it, but your presence always makes my day better. I like talking to you about stuff, hearing you when you get excited about something you did or something you saw, or even when you just wanna vent and complain about a shitty day you had. And yes, sometimes I get tired too, sometimes I'm in a bad mood, but you always try to respect my space and that's… I don't know, I like that about you. I like the way you're so fucking loud when you want to, and you're always trying to make me explore more and have more fun, but you always make sure I'm still comfortable. And to be honest, having you around is enough to bring me comfort. Whenever I'm feeling nervous, it's your hand I wanna hold, it's your voice I wanna hear, it's your face I wanna see. I guess we balance each other out, in a way. And you're right, I do let you win at some of the games we play, but it's not because I want something to whine about. I just like how happy you get, and how you love to laugh at me and call me a fucking loser. But it's even better when you actually win without my help, 'cause– well, you get so excited, and happiness looks great on you. Your smile is my favorite, you know? It makes you glow and it's something beautiful to watch." He pauses for an instant, still organizing his thoughts. "Uh, anyway, what I mean is that you're so beautiful to me, and you took all of the things I don't like about myself and found something to like about them, and I didn't expect any of that. So, again, I'm sorry I didn't say anything after you were done. It's just… I couldn't believe I would ever be lucky enough to have your heart. I couldn't believe someone like you saw me that way."

You can tell it's hard for him to get it all out, but you keep watching, waiting for the right moment to say something. He asked you to listen, and that's what you're gonna do.

He reaches for your hands, and you let him take them, knowing well that this is his way of fighting against the anxiety that's probably bubbling up in him.

"And I'm sorry I called it a mistake. It wasn't. It was the same thing when we kissed for the first time and I said I regretted it later. I don't really regret anything we did. I just said that 'cause, well, in my head what we did could ruin our friendship. When we kissed for the first time, things got extremely weird, and it took us a while to get back to normal. And when we had sex I thought… I thought I'd lose you forever. I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all, you know, so I was terrified thinking I messed up. I cried every day, I was feeling lost, I didn't know how to fix anything. Yeonjun kept telling me to talk to you, but I– I thought you'd reject me. I kept thinking 'welp, but she was flirting with'–"

"Soobin, I wasn't flirting with anyone," you cut him off, a little frustrated. 

"I know that now, I was just being stupid."

"Minho's just an old high school friend," you explain anyway, just in case he finds any reason to suspect you again. "He's in the same dance studio as Yeonjun and Yeji now, and I hadn't seen him in years, so we were just chatting."

He sighs. "I– I'm sorry. I know. I guess I was just a little insecure."

"No, it's just…" You let out a tired laugh and squeeze his hands lightly. "God, this is so frustrating. You could come up with this whole scenario where I was flirting with someone else, but you never noticed it when I was actually flirting with you."

His eyebrows furrow in confusion and he looks from one side to the other, as if he could find an explanation floating around the room. What do you even mean by that?

"You– you never did that, though," his voice comes out in a quieter tone, but still as confused as his whole face, just hoping you won't get upset over that. He honestly can't remember a single time you flirted with him for real.

"Are you serious?" You don't even sound mad, because truly, you're just as confused as he is. Did he honestly never even suspect you were at least trying to flirt? "Soobin, for fuck's sake, I've flirted with you multiple times."

"Uh… have you?"

"Well, I've tried," you scoff. "Apparently I should've been clearer."

"I thought… I thought you were joking," he admits in a cautious tone.

You blink a few times, still staring at him. Did he seriously think it was all just a joke?

"Did you think I was always trying to be around you as a joke too? I mean, I get that I'm hilarious," you try to lighten up the mood, "but dude, come on, I feel like I was being pretty obvious."

"Well, uh…"

You really had to go and fall for the dumbest idiot you could possibly find, huh?

"Hell, I actually thought you were dodging my attempts, but it turns out you're just fucking blind," you say, and he's the one to scoff now, feeling a little offended.

"Well, takes one to know one, I guess," he retorts. Suddenly his pride has become more important than his nervousness, though his hands still hold on to yours. "Literally everyone around me noticed I was head over heels for you, and somehow you didn't."

"You're not that obvious, Choi Soobin," you snap back.

"What, did you think I went out of my way to take you to a place covered in your favorite flowers just to post about it on Twitter barely a week before we had to break up? That doesn't even make any sense! And you kept talking about our break-up too, reminding me we had to stop doing this and that, that we couldn't be too romantic, 'cause our break-up had to look real and it wouldn't make sense if we just kept doing that kinda shit. What was I supposed to think?"

"You kept being a dry piece of shit whenever I tried to flirt! What was I supposed to think? I had a nightmare and needed to hear your voice and see your face because I was terrified, and still found the strength to flirt with you at four in the morning, and you told me to shut up!"

"I literally offered to get out of my bed and get dressed and go to your place at four in the morning just because you were scared and I wanted to protect you, though??? Do you think I'd just do that for anyone?"

"Shut up, this is about you rejecting me whenever I tried to flirt," you refuse to let him win this one.

"Me telling you to shut up as a joke is hardly a rejection. I didn't think you were being serious."

"Oh, yeah? What about the times you actively ignored it, hm? And the times you– you sent me that stupid emoji with the rolling eyes after I tried to be sweet? Hm? Or when I tried to find reasons to see your stupid face and you–"

"Can we just agree we're both stupid and blind?" He cuts the back and forth.

It's funny, actually. Both of you have raised your voices, but it's very clear that neither of you is really angry. Frustrated, maybe, but he can see you're trying to hold back a smile, and that face you're making is only making him want to kiss you.

"Speak for yourself," you mumble.

"Y/N." He tugs lightly at you, but you let go of his hands and cross your arms like a stubborn child.

"No."

"You looked beautiful in my shirt that night." His index finger pokes your forehead gently to get your attention. "And you look beautiful in my other shirt right now, too."

"And you didn't give two shits about it," you complain with a frown on your face.

"I gave all the shits about it, I just didn't say anything because I thought I was being dumb."

"And then you ended up being dumb anyway," you point out, making him laugh briefly.

He was so anxious before, but somehow all of this bickering has put his heart at ease. It's a subtle reminder that you're still you, and your relationship hasn't changed much from what he's grown comfortable with. The only difference is that both of you have put your feelings on the table now and are no longer hiding behind a mask.

"I tried to make you feel appreciated and cared for in my own way," his tone quiets down. "I'm sorry if it wasn't clear enough. I was just scared. Love is… scary to me."

"How do you think I was feeling about it? I've never been in love, Choi Soobin, ever. And then you come in with your handsome face and your pretty lips and your soft voice and those eyes that make me wanna start a fucking war, and don't even get me started on these goddamn dimples, or your stupid hands too, and– and you make me feel these… things." Your lips pout and you press your arms more firmly against your body. "My heart keeps doing weird shit because of you, and I always feel something in my stomach whenever you do anything remotely sweet, but then you go back to being a grumpy bitch and I don't know what to think. And then I remember the time you gave me this thing," you unfold your arms just to briefly raise the wrist where the silver bracelet he gave you is hanging, "and I'm like, oh, maybe he's just randomly sweet sometimes for no particular reason, because you were very sweet when you gave me this bracelet, and I know for a fact you didn't have any feelings for me back then."

"You're– You're right, I didn't. I just thought you were cool."

"Well, duh," you scoff. "I'm the coolest bitch in your life! But that's not the point. The point is that maybe the flower field and the cute dates and the little treats and the lovely shows of affection were all the same thing: just you doing something sweet for no reason."

He kind of gets where you're coming from. It's not like he ever tried to be super open about his feelings. Whenever he did something sweet, he'd play it off as just "acting for your friends", to hide the fact that he actually wanted to please you and make you smile. It's not too hard to see things from your perspective, but you also can't blame him for not thinking you'd ever like him back.

"Look, I don't know when this started," he admits. "I just– Remember that first time we had lunch with Beomgyu and Yeji? I kept getting distracted by you. I don't know why, but whenever you got too close it was like nothing else existed around us. But we barely knew each other for like… a month and a half, so I brushed it off and convinced myself it was nothing. But then… I remember having fun at the cat cafe with you like a week later, and when Jiwon showed up trying to make it sound as if it was a thing I got from her, I was terrified you would think I was just recycling the stuff I had when I was with her. But you didn't care, so I brushed it off again. And then a few days later we went to your hometown, and your family was so nice to me, and when I watched you playing with your sister I realized that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. And when we had to share a bed I was totally panicking inside, especially when you started to tease me, because I wanted to kiss you so bad–"

"I… wanted to kiss you too," you confess, eyes still puffy. "You have no idea how beautiful you looked that night. And I woke up in your arms in the morning, and…"

"I know. I woke up first, but I just forced myself back to sleep. Didn't wanna wake you up, you looked too pretty and comfortable."

The corners of your lips rise in a small smile. You didn't know about that part at all, but it's interesting to be hearing about all of this now. Maybe he's right: both of you are dumb and blind, and have been so for way too long.

"Remember I tweeted a picture of you sleeping? That one you complained about?" You ask and he nods. "I, um, I kinda have a private account, you know? I didn't mean to post that on my public one, I just wanted to gush about you with myself. But by the time I realized I had tweeted it publicly, our friends had already seen it, so I thought it would be weird if I deleted it."

He lets some air out through his nose, laughing silently. "That… actually makes sense."

"And on that next night, I… I really wanted to kiss you. Even more than on the night before that. You looked so cute, all sleepy and shit, and you were so close too, and then you were touching my face, and I– If Yeonjun hadn't called you…"

"You know I wanted to kiss you too." His right hand touches your face again, his thumb running gently over your cheek. "I guess we've just been oblivious for way too long, then."

"Yeah. I guess." You fit your hand on the side of his neck and pull him a little closer, bringing him down enough to have his forehead touching yours.

This is all both of you need to calm down right now. Just have each other near, feel each other's presence as everything starts to become clearer.

"I freaked out so bad when we had the whole making out thing, and when you decided to look for someone to hook up with, I spent the entire night losing my shit and hoping you'd come back to me." Once again, he lowers the volume of his voice, due to how close you are.

"Well, I did."

"Yep. And you were drunk and calling me baby and I couldn't help but fall even more in love with you."

Even those words are enough to get your heart racing again. That's how bad you've fallen for this idiot. You can barely remember why you were mad at him, now that everything's out in the open. You understand him now, and it wouldn't be fair to hold his own anxiety against him.

"To be fair, when you got drunk you were also clingy as hell." You rub the tip of your nose on his, speaking very softly. "You asked for one kiss and gave me a whole make-out session."

He laughs quietly, feeling those butterflies starting to flutter their wings inside of him. You're teasing him, he knows it, or else you wouldn't be getting your lips so close to his mouth without letting them actually touch it, but he's not about to tell you to stop. He loves that rush, that feeling only you can bring him. He wants you, all of you.

"Can I be honest?"

"Hm?" You prompt.

"I kinda remembered it the next morning, but everything was so hazy I thought it was just a dream."

"You didn't suspect it could be true when you realized I had actually spent the night with you?" You scoff at him. "See? You're an idiot. A blind one at that."

His eyes roll affectionately, some air coming out through his nose. "I didn't think you'd actually want to kiss me like that, Y/N."

"Really?" A brief chuckle comes out of you. "Hm. Wanna test that theory right now?" Your voice is not any louder than a whisper against his lips, sending a whole wave of electricity across his body.

See, you've already kissed him twice since he arrived, but the fact that you're making such an open invitation makes him feel a little lightheaded. This whole conversation started on such a bitter note, and now you're all over him, just the way he's been dreaming of, allowing him to do whatever he wants to.

He closes the gap between your mouths with a kiss that feels much sweeter than any of the previous ones. No alcohol, no excuses, no anger, nothing but his desire to kiss you like that, slowly, peacefully. His left hand is pressed against the small of your back, pulling you into him, while the other one keeps touching your pretty face, making sure you won't escape from his grasp.

You finally end up pushing him gently and sitting him down on the couch just so you can sit on his lap and kiss him more comfortably, not thinking too much about anything else. It's like he's the only thing in the world right now. Your hands move around, touching whatever you can reach — neck, shoulders, back, chest, stomach, anything —, and he does the same. Both of you are eager to feel each other, to let go of all the built-up tension, but despite all of that, it's still somewhat soft and gentle. He's not trying to devour you, and you're just trying to feel him slowly, savor every moment. 

It's a little clumsy nonetheless, you have to admit it, but neither of you seems to mind it. You taste him and let him taste you in return, and for once the butterflies inside of you don't feel wrong. On the contrary, you welcome them with an open heart. The past few minutes have been a rollercoaster, sure, but you like the mess you share with him. 

And as your lips move in synchrony with his, the only thing in your mind is how badly you want to have this every day. You wanna be near him, have him by your side. It's probably not gonna be perfect, but it doesn't have to be. That's the fun of it.

He sighs against your lips and you smile, which results in a brief chuckle, and you end up pulling away from the kiss just to give him a little break, but your lips still touch his skin, leaving a trail of kisses on his cheek.

His right hand rests on your thigh, his fingers rubbing circles on your skin, and the left one holds the side of your face, subtly guiding you to move your lips down to his jawline and neck, because he's a sneaky little shit sometimes.

"I feel like I still have more to say," he murmurs, slightly breathless.

"I feel like you've already said enough," you reply quietly and nibble at his skin, bringing some goosebumps to his body. "We still have a lot of kissing to catch up with. Months of kissing."

He laughs silently and you trail back up to his face, peppering sweet little kisses on his cheeks and nuzzling the tip of your nose on his face, turning him into an adorable giggling mess.

"You're not mad anymore, are you?" He asks.

"Hm… Will you keep kissing me until I calm down if I say I am?" 

"I… could try."

You straighten your posture and sigh dramatically, staring at him with your eyebrows knitted down and a pout adorning your face.

"Then I am furious. And extremely hurt."

Deep down, he hopes you know how adorable you look like that.

"We should talk about that, then," he proposes quietly.

You gasp and slap his arm playfully, making him laugh once again. "Fuck off."

But he doesn't answer. Instead, he keeps admiring your face for long seconds, as if you're the most beautiful thing on Earth. To him, you are, and nothing can change that. Being there with you was all he needed to feel better, just keeping you in his arms, feeling your warmth on top of him.

You smile affectionately and kiss the tip of his adorable nose just because you want to — just because you can.

"I missed you." You allow yourself to hug him and lay your head on his shoulder, nuzzling your face into his neck.

"I missed you too." He wraps his arms around your torso and takes the chance to kiss your face just like you did to him a moment ago.

"Haneul kept asking me about you," you tell him. "It made me feel horrible."

"Yeah? Odi kept asking me about you too."

You let out a chuckle, just letting the warm feeling of his kisses on your skin wash over you.

"I could go see him tonight."

"Mhm," he agrees. "There's just one problem, though."

You groan and sit up to rest your forehead on his once again.

"What is it?"

"Well, you need to eat. Sunoo will kill me if you don't eat anything, and then you won't have a boyfriend anymore and you'll have to take care of Odi by yourself."

You narrow your eyes and twist your lips, as if you're in deep thought about what he just said.

Boyfriend. Funny word, huh? He's technically been your boyfriend for over three months now, but he hasn't really been your boyfriend at all. The word brings you some agitation, but not in a bad way. It's a mixture of excitement and anxiety, because truly, this is the first time you're experiencing any of that.

However, being excited doesn't mean you're gonna simply let him off the hook, right?

"But Soobin," you start slowly. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't have a boyfriend. Like, at all."

"Is that so?" He asks and pecks your lips briefly.

"Mhm. I'm free as a bird, you know?"

He can feel that thumping in his chest once again, though he knows it's probably dumb of him to be nervous when you're already all over him and your answer is so obvious. However, knowing that still doesn't stop him from feeling like his heart might simply take flight at any given moment.

"Y/N," he calls your name and brings his hands up to your face.

You smile sweetly. "That's me!"

"Well, um. You know, we've been together for a while now–"

"Not really," you tease. "But yep, I know."

"Right, yeah, not really together. So I was thinking…"

"Really? Sounds dangerous." Your cheeky grin gets him laughing briefly, which helps him relax a little bit.

"Shut up. Well, I was thinking that maybe… we could be together. 'Really together'. As in real boyfriend and girlfriend. I know I'm not exactly perfect, but, um, I wanna give you my best. I wanna be with you, take care of you and let you take care of me too. And I'll still be grumpy sometimes, I'll still need space sometimes, but I promise I'll keep loving you with all of my heart, no matter what. I promise your heart will be safe with me."

You can feel his hands getting a little unstable on your face, so you grab them and kiss the back of each of them.

"Will you keep giving me coffee? That's an important requirement." You ask and he rolls his eyes lovingly, nodding in response. "Welp, sounds like a good deal to me, then," you shrug.

"Are you–"

But you cut him off with a kiss before he can complain about your attitude, because both of you know teasing him is your favorite hobby. It's yet another loving kiss, your way of showing him that yes, you belong to him just as much as he belongs to you. No matter how different you are, the two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. 

You guide his hands to your thighs and let go of them to bring your own fingers up to his shoulders. And though you try to make that kiss last — your intentions about to become clearer —, he cuts it off before it becomes something remotely close to the danger zone.

"You still need to eat," he mumbles against your lips.

"But I wanna keep kissing you." You try to steal another kiss, but he pulls back.

"Y/N, I mean it. Come on, you can kiss me later."

"Who's Y/N? She just died. It's baby to you now. Sorry, I don't make the rules." Do you plan on letting him have any peace? Absolutely not.

He gives you a quick peck and delicately bumps the tip of his nose on yours.

"Baby," he corrects himself quietly, "let's eat something, please. I don't want you to get sick. I promise you can kiss me as much as you want later."

"Hmmmm… As much as I want? That's a dangerous promise, my dearest grumpy baby."

"I can take you to my place, we can stay in bed and kiss all night long…" He bargains, giving you a few more short kisses that get you all giggly for no reason.

The sound brings a smile to his face, and the certainty that you are his home. Maybe his friends are right. He is totally whipped for you, and he should start admitting it more proudly.

"Baby," you call in a whisper, getting yet another peck in response. "I think I love you."

And, well, after literally saying to your face that he loves you, finally getting a response for that brings a real hurricane to his chest, but all he does is kiss you softly multiple times, trying to hold back the laugh that's trying to come out, because he can't recall a single time when he felt anything like the pure excitement that's taking over his brain and his heart right now.

He doesn't know how far this is gonna go, whether it's gonna be hard or not to maintain a relationship with you, but he knows he's willing to go as far as you want, hand in hand with you. He's willing to heal, grow and learn how to be what you need, though deep down he feels like he already is. 

"I love you too," he whispers in between kisses. 

"Can we just stay like this then?" Your voice sounds as sweet as honey, and your hands caress his face. "You look so good right now, I wanna keep kissing you…"

Instead of convincing him of anything, you just get him laughing for the millionth time, failing miserably at your attempt.

"Food first, baby." He even pushes you away just enough to keep his mouth away from yours.

"You know what," you whine, pouting, "I take it back. I think I hate you."

"Mhm. Hate me when your stomach is full." 

And well, although you're not getting what you want right now, the feeling of lifting all of that weight off your shoulders is enough for you. 

You wouldn't have thought that wanting to sell your dignity for a PS5 could ever bring you something so much better than the console itself, but looking at that beautiful face in front of you, with his messy bleached hair and that lovestruck smile on those lips that are still puffy from kissing you too much, you can't help but feel thankful that your roommate is such an unhinged son of a bitch with too much money to spare.

You're still scared, of course you are, but it's not that bad anymore. If anything, you're honored to have Soobin by your side and to know he's your first love, because you know you can trust him with your heart, and he will take care of you as much as you will take care of him. And that is much more than you could've ever asked for.

← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

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LOLLIPOP ♡ CHOI SOOBIN : ONE

chapter one. hiring from twitter.

warnings. swearing, a kid being apparently mean(? , soobin is really shy and we mention grape juice too and i think that is a warning.

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A / N : the first chapter of lollipop is here! on time! on a Monday! what a shocker! (for real i don't know how i managed to finish this on time). Anyways I hope you enjoy the new beginning for the series and let me know your thoughts. Have a good week ♡

reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

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LOLLIPOP ♡ CHOI SOOBIN : TWO.

chapter two. pinky sized.

warnings. swearing, teasing, sunwoo being a menace apparently

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A / N : I decided to correct these texts and upload them now before I get any more busier. Also I just think it's funny how I said I wouldn't really upload then I posted three days straight but I feel bad because Lollipop just started and it's already getting updated so slowly, so here is the post, before Monday and I hope you enjoy it!

reblogs and feedback are appreciated !

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LOLLIPOP ♡ CHAPTER THREE.

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series summary. choi soobin only wanted a part-time job to survive the semester — and hopefully — save some money for a quick summer trip with his friends. sadly, life got other plans for him when his friend signed him up to be the babysitter of a famous rockstar's little brother.

chapter warnings. some swearing and teasing. a kid being a bit threatening and bossy. WRITTEN AND SMAU FORMAT.

A / N : hello hello here's the first written scene of lollipop! I hope you guys enjoy the update and let me know your thoughts. Have a good week!

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !

CHAPTER THREE : CUPCAKE TALKS.

“What’s your favorite cupcake?” Soobin stops by the entrance of the cafeteria and holds both handles of the double door before looking to his right. The little kid steps on his tippytoes and looks up, nearly breaking his neck to reach the sight of Soobin’s eyes properly. He pouts before repeating his question. “I said, what’s your favorite cupcake?” 

“Now you want to talk?” Soobin asks dumbfounded. 

For the first four hours of the shift, the kid told him nothing. After having the most awkward encounter with his favorite musician and a horrid experience signing contract papers, the toddler simply greeted him respectfully and then walked by himself to a common room. Once Soobin reached the place, Sunwoo signaled him to sit down on the opposite side, opened his green school bag and took out some papers and colors. ‘Stay quiet while I draw. Thank you.’ He said softly and started ordering his colored pens by size before picking one. 

Soobin, not really expecting to be silent for so long, limited himself to shrugging it off and nodding before opening the folder of instructions for babysitting to read it more thoroughly. 

Simple instructions such as “make sure to check his studying notepad for homework” were mixed with oddly specific requests like “do not give him salads. Separate all vegetables with dividers and add double portions of meat or chicken, or he won’t eat them.” And the more he got to read, the weirder the requirements got for him. 

It got to a point where Soobin was sure he’d have to study the folder as if it was information from college given how complicated and specific all points were. 

After going through it thrice though, he noticed the kid was engrossed in his drawing and Soobin had close to nothing to do so he simply recomposed himself on the chair and tried to grab his phone from the pocket of his jeans only to get glared at by the kid who raised a tiny finger to his mouth, reminding him to stay quiet. 

His big bambi eyes narrowed towards his new babysitter and a huff escaped through his lips before he brought his index finger to his mouth and Soobin gulped. 

There was something odd about the kid. Maybe Soobin found him weirdly off-putting because of all the theories the fans liked to throw around over him; many believed the toddler was probably rageful or spoiled enough to the point he’d threaten his own babysitters without care. Or maybe Soobin was not really someone with enough emotional strength to establish a level of authority over anybody, including a kid so tiny he could step on it by accident. 

Who knew?

Regardless, Soobin didn’t mutter one single word until the kid was done drawing, and only when he received a text from you saying you should meet for brunch now, did he dare to open his mouth and go as far as moving too much in front of Sunwoo. 

Surprisingly the kid didn’t mutter a single complaint and got up from his spot on the floor, dropping the pen and eagerly sprinting towards the door, waiting by it until Soobin caught up with him and could turn the knob to let him out. 

They both walked side by side in silence until they reached the doors, mainly because Soobin was not sure if he was allowed to speak or not yet and didn’t want to accidentally send the kiddo into a frenzy, but oddly enough he decided to open his mouth last minute and take Soobin by surprise. 

“I think it’s important to know which cupcakes you eat.” 

“Why?”

“Because if you like carrot cupcakes I will tell sister and have you fired.” 

Soobin takes a deep breath and opens the doors. “I don’t think your sister would fire anyone over cupcakes.” 

“So you like carrot cupcakes?” The little kid walks fast by his side and reaches for his hand, holding onto him. 

“No, Sunwoo, I don’t like carrot cupcakes. I don’t eat cupcakes that frequently to know that many flavors either.” 

“New babysitter Soobin, your life must be sad if you don’t know much about cupcakes.” 

“Woo baby?”

Soobin and Sunwoo stop deadly on their tracks and look to their side only to see Yeonjun approaching them through small jumps, with the biggest of smiles. Once he is at a short distance he kneels down and opens his arms, expecting for the toddler to run to his arms and he happily obligues, nearly tackling him to the ground on a hug. “Uncle Junnie!”

Nearly seconds after Jaemin and Jeno enter through the main doors as well with you and Bang Chan behind them and you all way towards them. Jeno scans Soobin up and down before rubbing Jaemin’s shoulder in comfort and the new babysitter looks at them back in confusion before dropping his gaze to his shoes, feeling out of place and nervous pretty suddenly. 

Perhaps, the scariest thing about taking this new job wasn’t really the kid but who it was associated with. 

SALEM as a band may of be really famous now but Soobin had the pleasure to follow them pretty early on their career and being so close to them now, about to talk to them in a much more personal way was nerve-wracking. That if he didn’t count the fact that since day one, Soobin felt somewhat infatuated with you out of all people as well. There was something about you that could make you stand out for him in between the many people he followed and admired and he felt terrified of having you so close now; his heartbeat was becoming erratic the more steps you took towards him and your little brother Sunwoo, and once you were face to face with him he could truly say he was breathless. 

You were simply ethereal. 

He did not care if he got to greet you hours prior, he wanted to re-introduce himself and leave an excellent impression on you. He wanted so badly to stand out and leave a good mark on you if only for a day at least as a way to retribute all the years your music and words brought comfort and joy to him. 

“I’m…I’m Ch-choi Soob —.” 

“Soobin, we talked yesterday and today too. You don’t have to keep on introducing yourself,” you giggle and ruffle Sunwoo’s hair. “How’s everything going?” 

Your eyes sparkle so prettily. Your giggle sound ten times better in real life. Your perfume is the sweetest…

“Is he giving you a hard time?” You tease and Sunwoo lets go of Yeonjun to wrap a hand around your wrist, tugging you down so you can hear him better. “What baby?” 

“Soobin doesn’t know about cupcakes. That’s really sad.” 

“It-it’s not like,” Soobin stutters, “I just don’t eat them frequently.” 

“Well man, now you’ll be having them all the time.” Jaemin interrupts walking towards you and bows down to Jaemin. “No exceptions.” 

“He’s bullshitting, don’t worry,” Jeno also joins the conversation while Bang Chan decides to stay behind and only observe for now. “You don’t have to eat what we eat. We just do it because Sunwoo likes cupcakes quite a lot, don’t you Satan?” 

“I’m not Satan!” The kid sticks his tongue at the boy. “But you are dumb!” 

“Sunwoo,” you call him in a scolding tone. “Let’s go sit down to eat okay?” 

“Yes, Soobin, you can sit next to me!” The toddler says in a cheery voice and practically starts dragging the gigantic babysitter to the nearest table taking everybody aback with his unusual enthusiasm. "Come on! I will tell you everything you need to know about cupcakes."

“So you designed all of these?” You ask impressed and Soobin quivers on his spot, downing another bite of a cupcake under the inquisitive eyes of Na Jaemin. “They seriously look so cool.” 

“Why would you want so many tattoos, Choi Soobin?” Jaemin questions observing the outline of a dragon tattoo that goes from Soobin’s wrist and disappears under his halfway rolled up sleeves. You groan and turn a napkin into a ball before throwing it at your friend’s head. “Hey!” 

“Quit on being annoying, my God — you know he is being noisy because he hates that you are taller than —.” 

“Shut up!” Jaemin interrupts fearful and throws you a glare. “I am just curious.” 

“Noisy, I said,” you correct him and look at Sunwoo who’s busy playing with the empty boxes of cupcakes you already finished. “You need to understand…” You sigh, “we aren’t the most skilled when it comes to making friends.” 

“Most of the time we are trapped in here,” Jeno adds. “But your tatts? They are fucking cool.” 

“Yeah,” Bang Chan finally speaks. “We don’t really sit down and chat with the many babysitters Sunwoo has had either. They come from a trusted service and already know the drill but your case is different and we just want to make sure that you are alright with this and all. To be quite frank here, the idea of having a fan near Sunwoo isn’t the most exciting.” 

“Channie…” Yeonjun breathes out a bit surprised. 

“No, no, it’s okay.” Soobin decides to speak back in reassurance. “It was really shocking to me when I landed the job and I completely understand how you feel. You can be as wary as you want, after all I am a fan of the band and I get how that might make you all feel a bit uncomfortable. I bet a lot of people approach you with second intentions and you don’t want me to turn out to be some crazy stalker or anything else but I promise I’m just here because I need the money.” Jeno to Soobin’s words and grab another cupcake. “It’s probably dumb but me and my friends have this tradition since kids where we would have a big trip with our families during summer and now that we are older we want to go by ourselves without the help of our parents and everything, so I took the job to pay for some of the expenses and have a good time.” 

“Do you really think you can handle Sunwoo, though?” Jeno says with his mouth half full of frosting. “He is kinda…” 

“Yeah, I know. I got many papers with specifications. It’s kind of scary the amount of care he actually needs but I can pull through. I promise if you give me a chance I will make it worth it. I won’t meddle in your business and if it makes you feel safer I can stay outside whenever you guys stop by to visit Sunwoo to give you extra privacy. Whatever you need to feel more comfortable just let me know.” 

Jeno and Jaemin seem content with the response, nodding along and humming to themselves but on the opposite side, you and Bang Chan still appear to be a bit apprehensive. While you don’t show outright disgust or discontent with his answer, you don’t appear fully convinced either, and Soobin starts to feel nervous again. 

He is not sure if he can actually mutter an entire sentence without stuttering again, especially with Chan nearly scanning him up and down. 

“You said you like to draw, right, Soobinnie?” Yeonjun asks softly and the babysitter mutters a small yes. “Sunwoo enjoys drawing and painting quite a lot. He is really connected to his art and I think, judging by your tattoo designs, you are also connected to yours, exactly? Like, you really enjoy what you do.”

“Yes, for sure.” 

“I think he is alright,” Yeonjun announces to the rest of his band members and Soobin blinks a few times in confusion. “It can be of help to have someone that actually knows about arts,” he continues talking and completely forgets the tall boy is there hearing them out or maybe he chooses to pretend he is not there. “He can teach —,” he pauses and looks back at Soobin. “You can teach him a thing or two, right?” 

“I-I guess so? I…uh, I’m majoring in drawing. I can always bring some of my stuff and teach him whatever he needs or let him use some things to draw in general.” 

Yeonjun wiggles his eyebrows at you and you roll your eyes then sigh. “Okay fine. You can stay as long as you can last with Sunwoo, and Woo?” The little kid raises his head and smiles. “Be nice, okay?” 

“Okey-dokey,” he nods. “If you know so much about drawing you will show me now. Let’s go to the room again!” 

“Easy Woo, he is not done eating yet,” Yeonjun warns and Soobin simply picks the rest of his cupcake and stuffs his mouth with it all in one go, throwing everybody a thumbs up before getting up from his seat and extending a hand for Sunwoo to grab. “I…well, we will see you later then?”

The babysitter eagerly nods and Bang Chan clears his throat to catch his attention before he leaves. “Whatever you need to teach him arts you tell us okay? Don’t bring your stuff. We will buy him our own.” 

“And always contact me or the guys if you have any problems with Woo or need anything, not the manager. Got it?” You add a bit more sternly than intended yet the rest don’t seem to care or don’t notice. 

Soobin nods yet again and bows down, feeling the cupcake climbing to his throat after a particularly harsh swallow. He think it’s important for him and Sunwoo to leave as soon as possible because something is telling him you may or may not want to discuss a few things about this whole babysitting situation with the rest of the band in private and he frankly does not want to be there anymore invading your privacy but also feeling painfully uncomfortable. 

“Okay, you two have fun I guess. I will see you at night.”

Once Sunwoo waves at them all he is free to leave on his merry will with the little child, ignoring the curious stares he feels on his back as he walks out.

🍭. @vantxx95 @softylilies @delicateflowersaestheticpony @jjunis @cosmic-marauder @blxckcatner0 @day6andetcetera @todorokiskitten @strawbrinkofdeath @cosmicwintr @milkycloudtyg @etherealcherrie @nyangjjunie @addictedtohobi @witheringpetals @beom1e @navisdreams @startlinejjuni @tsubasshi @beomgyulvrrr @butterflx @tatansoobin @randomness7198 @cherrybeomgyu @heyimkay @ineedaherosavemeenow @captivq @jiminismybabymochi @kyucix @hydroqenbreaths @realigot7 @ghostfacefricker6969 @laylasbunbunny @sunflowerbebe07 @solulilo @soobsdior @tyungun @boo-ghostplayer @xstarless-eyesx @a1exandra-ray @saradexe @mingiholic @baekberrie @magik @txtbrainrot

PLZ I NEED MORE

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐎 — 3

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ❆ choi soobin x f!reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ❆ you met choi soobin one fateful summer when you were nineteen and then he became the one that got away. now you’re twenty two, and just when you think you’re ready to move on, the only boy you’ve ever truly loved shows back up in your life. but your friends are determined to keep you together this time.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ❆ ello!! happy 22 friday bffers this ones just a little filler and goes into both some plot and the dynamics of y/n’s friend group!! ignore some time stamps on this one 💔

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄: sapphics scare me

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 ❆ two — happy birthday to me ig 😕

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 ❆ four — we’re getting gimbap

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ❆ @stellz581 @h00nerz @gyuville @beomsbeanie @n0-thisispatrick @taekwondoes @jeongintwt @miyawwn @aintgeluh

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐎 — 4

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ❆ choi soobin x f!reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ❆ you met choi soobin one fateful summer when you were nineteen and then he became the one that got away. now you’re twenty two, and just when you think you’re ready to move on, the only boy you’ve ever truly loved shows back up in your life. but your friends are determined to keep you together this time.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ❆ guys,, i literally had this entire chapter already put together so i could post before i went into work today and i fucking FORGOT but i don’t trust tumblr’s scheduled post system 💔

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: we’re getting gimbap

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 ❆ three — sapphics scare me

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 ❆ five — cogs are turning

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ❆ @stellz581 @h00nerz @gyuville @beomsbeanie @n0-thisispatrick @taekwondoes @jeongintwt @miyawwn @aintgeluh @yuitaru @exohclipse @wondersgyu

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐎 — 5

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ❆ choi soobin x f!reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ❆ you met choi soobin one fateful summer when you were nineteen and then he became the one that got away. now you’re twenty two, and just when you think you’re ready to move on, the only boy you’ve ever truly loved shows back up in your life. but your friends are determined to keep you together this time.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ❆ i’m sleepy and i work again later today what if i ended it all rn

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: cogs are turning

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 ❆ four — we’re getting gimbap

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 ❆ six — wicked witch of the west fr

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ❆ @stellz581 @h00nerz @gyuville @beomsbeanie @n0-thisispatrick @taekwondoes @jeongintwt @miyawwn @aintgeluh @yuitaru @exohclipse @wondersgyu @viagumi @ameliesaysshoo

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐎 — 6

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ❆ choi soobin x f!reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ❆ you met choi soobin one fateful summer when you were nineteen and then he became the one that got away. now you’re twenty two, and just when you think you’re ready to move on, the only boy you’ve ever truly loved shows back up in your life. but your friends are determined to keep you together this time.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 ❆ i didnt forget this time!! also, just for clarification, the last two ss are from beomgyu’s pov

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐒𝐈𝐗: wicked witch of the west fr

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕 ❆ five — cogs are turning

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 ❆ seven — winter noona 🥺🥺

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ❆ @stellz581 @h00nerz @gyuville @beomsbeanie @n0-thisispatrick @taekwondoes @jeongintwt @miyawwn @aintgeluh @yuitaru @exohclipse @wondersgyu @viagumi @ameliesaysshoo @black-swan-ari @lonewolfjinji