Laviefantasie - La Vie Fantasie

𝕷𝖚𝖐𝖊 𝕻𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓 ⌘

Masterlist ✞

𝑂𝑁𝐸 𝑆𝐻𝑂𝑇𝑆:

♪ One Step at a Time

♪ All I Want

♪ 140160 Hours

♪ I Think About You

♪ Your Biggest Fan

♪ It Kinda Makes Sense

𝑆𝐸𝑅𝐼𝐸𝑆:

♪ Not A Fan [Discontinued]:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

[ Starry Eyed Barbie ]

Pairings: Highschool Senior Student! Gojo Satoru x Highschool Senior Student! Reader

Summary: When you are head over heels for Gojo since middle school, he can’t understand why it suddenly bothers him when you start to avoid him.

| Masterlist |

Gojo Satoru had given up a long time ago trying to figure you out.

He rolls his eyes as he feels you squeeze his arm before letting go, as if warning him you’d do so, and raising your hand. The professor gives you the right to answer whatever it is that he asked, making you smile brightly with glimmering eyes as you thrive in the attention given. Staring at the clock he debates whether sleeping is possible, knowing you it was; you had always been a teacher’s pet, tending to ask as many questions as possible before hurrying to discuss every little thought on your pretty head with your teacher.

Maybe he had once thought it was adorable, but then you had started clinging to him and his thoughts had changed.

Sighing, Satoru gives an exasperated look to Suguro before spreading his thighs to lean more in his chair. You haven’t stopped talking. He drums a finger on his desk before glancing at you. You look ecstatic, starry bright eyes shining as you hear every word the teacher is saying. You probably have no idea that you are making the whole class sleepy.

It was annoying. Such a know-it-all.

You nod and smile brightly before thanking your teacher, smoothing your pink leather pencil skirt before sitting back down besides him, making sure to wrap your arm around his again, giggling and blushing as you do so.

“Toru, how does going for some boba later sounds? I heard this new place opened close and I thought you’d probably lo—”

“Can't”

There’s bite in his answer, also a hint of annoyance, but that’s not his problem. You’re not his girlfriend, not even his something, so he sees no need in playing along to your little game.

Your sweet smile remains but the bright light in your eyes dims slightly, before coming back brighter than ever.

"Then, we go tomorrow”

"Oh, look at that! We have a presentation soon” he says, nodding to the teacher.

He was just trying to get you off of him, but it was a cheap trick, especially with how much of a nerd you actually were.

You giggle softly, “No, silly! He was just talking about the Laws of Thermodynamics. You’re not listening again, have you even written any notes?”

Why would he when you never fail to send him your rainbow-colored ones?

He sighs, leaning his face on his hand. He was too tired to deal with you for longer than needed and the day had barely started.

The bell rings and he waits not even a second in getting out of his seat, not caring about the gasp that escapes your lips or the hurriedly way you try to grab your things as you ask him to wait for you.

Suguru analyzes the situation before shaking his head in disappointment once Satoru reaches him. So, instead of letting Satoru keep walking, his hand grabs his backpack string making him halt. Groaning as your arm latches onto his, he realizes his best friend betrayed him by giving you the time you needed to catch up.

Geto deliberately ignores the glare Gojo sends his ways, as you hum contentedly at his side.

You all make it to lunch where Shoko waits for you since you don’t share that class together. Utahime and Mei Mei are at her sides, as well as Nanami and Haibara.

They all smile at you as you invite yourself over to sit at his side.

With an excited smile you get out your pink bento box and matching water bottle. He frowns as he feels you get even closer to him.

“Hey girls! Guys!”, you smile brightly at all of them.

Satoru rolls his eyes at your perkiness, taking a sip of his strawberry Ramune drink. You pout in an adorable before taking it away from him, ignoring the ice cold look he gives you and the silence that surrounds you now.

“Don’t give me that look, this has too much sugar!” his glare deepens making my your shoulders drop, “Look… it’s bad for your health. You drink so many of them, even though you eat a thousand of sweets a day!”

He scoffs making you slightly panic. Playing with your fingers as you feel yourself become anxious; you turn to your bag looking for the Digimon bento box you made for him and the matching bottle.

“Here” you smile brightly “Made you some homemade food… and sweets” you slide the bento towards him, “Some Daifuku… also made you a strawberry and blueberry smoothie…”

He hates that his hands reach to grab both things and how his eyes brighten once he sees the strawberry and chocolate flavored Daifuku you made.

“Oh!” You gasp, looking through your bag until you get another pink container out “I also brought some chocolate chip cookies and strawberries for everyone!”

Haibara cheers while Utahime and Nanami thank you kindly; Shoko and Geto smile at you as a thanks, while Mei Mei settles for winking flirtatiously in your direction.

Satoru, on the other hand, eats the sweets you made him quietly.

“Is it good?”, you ask him eagerly, eyes all bright as your hands fiddle with your hair nervously.

It’s not the first time you bring him food or sweets for the matter, so he doesn’t understand the need to ask his opinion every single time.

He settles with shrugging with indifference.

Suguru hits the back of his head from beside him making him groan, nevertheless he ignores the pointed look he gives him. He’s not in the mood to play your little game.

Instead of deflating as everyone around you expected, you smile softly before grabbing a tissue and softly cleaning his mouth with it, getting rid of the white powder.

You don’t expect the way he smacks your hand out of the way, as he had never once done something like that.

“YOU FUCKI—”

Your hand reaches for Utahime’s as she stands to defend you, smiling sweetly at her to tell her it’s okay.

Satoru frowns slightly as he realizes what he did. He had never done something physical against you, did this mean he was reaching his limit?

Shoko clears her throat, “You guys heard about Sukuna’s party?”

Mei Mei smirks, “Obviously. Heard there’s gonna be good booze. All in?”

“But…” you tilt your head, “Isn’t it today? It’s Thursday” 

Mei Mei smiles sweetly at you, loving your naivety. You eye each of them only to see all of them not really caring about partying on a school night.

Was this what being a senior meant?

“I don’t know, there are a few assignments I have to work on and midterms are happening soon” you hire your lip, turning to Satoru “Are you going?”

He shrugs, “Sukuna’s booze is good, why not?”

You scoff slightly before turning to Nanami, “Are you going too, Kenti?”

The blond teenager sighs, “Lost a bet to Haibara, so yes, sadly”

“How could you not go? Yuri is here representing her school, she’s gonna see us there!” Haibara exclaims with excitement.

You see them all smile at the reminder making you shift uncomfortably in your place. Hinata Yuri was a childhood friend of them. She wasUtahime’s closest friend. They all were inseparable, yo had known that since you had met them during your last year in middle school. Sadly, Yuri had gone to high school in her mother’s district since her parents divorced.

They all had history. One which you weren’t part of.

Playing with your food you consider attending, it felt kind of intrusive considering it was a reunion, but you missed Yuri too.

Satoru knocks your thigh with his, “Pick you up at eight”

You smile brightly, nodding in agreement. Any hesitance in going disappearing as soon as he touched you.

You were so excited, humming to yourself as you ate, that you didn’t notice Utahime’s worried gaze on you nor the way she glared ferociously at Satoru.

Eight rolled around rather quickly and you found yourself sat on Satoru’s black Acura Integra, rich boy privilege. He buckled you in as you were too busy fixing the skirt of your Bellini Bustier pink mini dress that you had paired with a white cardigan.

You start fixing the pink bow that ties your half updo as you thank him, almost choking on your own saliva as you see him.

He looks god made.

His black shirt was illegally stretched across his chest, his pecs shamefully bulging out, his arms immorally straining on the sleeves of his shirt. His grey pants fit perfectly against his muscular thighs and—

Flustered, you look away. It was too much, he was too much.

You play with your hair and nervously move your ballerina flats around during the drive. Trying to hide the way your face became red with each glance you stole.

The party was already at full swing when you both arrived, the blasting music and the many swaying underage teenagers making it a given. The two floored house had its windows flashing in neon lights. The outside was pretty empty, aside from the cars haphazardly parked by irresponsible teenagers and some of those said irresponsible teenagers puking in the bushes.

You scurry next to Satoru the moment you get out of the car, groaning as you try to keep up with his long strides.

He opens the door and heads inside, not noticing the way his strength makes the door close in your face. You push the door for yourself as fast as you can, ignoring the pain in your nose, afraid to lose him in the crowd. Thankfully you manage to grab his arm in time.

He leads you inside and you struggled to avoid being pushed around by sweaty party animals. Maybe you should’ve worn heels instead of flats, maybe then you wouldn’t feel so small.

Finally, you find yourself sitting with the whole group in the terrace. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, you let your shoulder drops in relief.

“You okay, doll?” Yuri smiles kindly at you, hugging you tightly before offering you one of the drinks in her hands.

“Oh! I’m so happy to see you!”, you exclaim, giggling before letting go, “I’m fine. What’s this?”

“Well… if you keep being the innocent cutie you’ve always been, it’s just fruit punch” she smiles brightly with mischief, “Unless you grew some thorns, little rose, and want something to spike it up?”

You laugh while shaking your head, taking a sip after doing so. Yuri had always been kind to you, and seeing her reminded you to the many time she’d make sure you felt at home in the group.

Sadly, you also remember how close Satoru and her used to be once you see him give her a hug and how flustered she becomes.

Oh.

You take another sip of your drink as you try to remind yourself they were just friends. Really close friends. Begging yourself to forget the way Satoru used to have his attention on her every second of the day during middle school, even when you were always there.

No, you were going to have fun and catch up with your friend.

And you did. You weee truly enjoying chatting with everyone and hearing Yuri’s stories. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel a little out of place when the childhood memories started to surface. You weren’t friends with them during your youth, you had officially joined them at the end of middle school.

You hugged yourself as you listened to them laugh as they recall their shenanigans. It was honestly sweet to watch, yet you couldn’t help to feel slightly bitter. You shake your head to get rid of those feelings.

Sighing, you look at your empty cup. Maybe you should get another drink.

You stare at how crowded the inside of the house is before grabbing Satoru’s sleeve, wanting him to go with you.

“Toru, I need a refill”

He shrugs your arm off, “Then, get a refill”

“Will you come with me?”  

Satoru’s jaw tightens, glancing at Shoko and Geto before harshly turning to you and whispering, “Could you not be annoying for just one second? I’m not your damn babysitter”

Your hand that had been trying to reach for him once again halts, frozen midways before falling to your thigh. You look away as you feel your eyes sting and your nose itch, you were about to cry.

“Fine”, you whisper, head hanging low as you stand up

Satoru resumes his conversation with Yuri, Geto and Shoko. You frown as you see the way he smiles at Yuri, biting your lip as you feel the way your chest clenches.

You turn around, prohibiting yourself from crying in front of them. Satoru already thought you were annoying, you weren’t gonna give him more reasons to think so. You had always known you went to far in the ways you showed your affection, but you just couldn’t help it.

You sigh as you brush the tears that had fallen down your cheeks, slipping your way downstairs.

The party was even more alive than when you had arrived. You see Sukuna in the kitchen drinking a line of shots against Choso, which makes you frown in pity. Silently, you look for a bottle of water before heading out.

You were knocked around as you went, but thankfully you soon managed to get out of the suffocating atmosphere.  

The night breeze softly kisses your skin making you shiver, yet you smiled softly as you take a deep breath. You stare at the starry night, loving the way the stars shine brightly against the darkness that surrounds them.

Sighing, you let yourself sit on the stairs of the porch, taking a drink of your water as you keep on staring at the night sky. Your chest ached.

“Party became too much for you?”

You gasp, startled.

Smiling slightly at your reaction, Nanami sits beside you, “Sorry if I startled you”

“Uh… it’s okay” you stutter, “I’m good, just… wanted to cool down. I was planning to go back”

“Sure about that?” He asks knowingly, making your shoulder drop, “It’s a nice night”

You smile, hugging yourself, “It is”

“You like the stars?”

You nod, “Used to watch them with my dad when I was young. That one…” you point at the brightest one, “is called Sirius, like the character from the Harry Potter books. It’s part of the Canis Major constellation, its name means glowing”

“You seem to know a lot. It’s impressive” he nods softly, “What other stars make up Canis Major?”

“Muliphein, Mirzam, Wezen, Aludra, Adhara and Furud” you point at each one as you named them, “it’s special because it has many bright stars, as well as Sirius, the brightest”

“Wow”

Your smile falters as you hear something break inside, reminding you where you are. Nanami notices making him sigh before pushing himself to stand up.

“How do you feel about going for a drive?”

You look at the water bottle in your hands, tightening your grip on it before standing up with determination.

“I think that sounds like a great idea”

He offers a hand and you take it. His Range Rover comes to view and he hurries to open the door for you. You halt in surprise before smiling softly.

“What?”, he raises a brow.

You shake your head, giggling softly, “Nothings. It’s just, you’re really a gentleman”

“This is the bare minimum”, he states, “You shouldn’t expect less”

Your smile falters, but he doesn’t mention it.

Nanami drove around while you told him every little fact about the stars that came to mind. His interest in it as he asked questions made you get more excited with time, making you rambled nonstop.

You were really having fun.

It was on the way back to the party that you realized that if you went back your mood would turn sour, so you kindle asked him to drive you back home if it wasn’t too much trouble. He kindly agreed.

You smiled at Nanami once you got out his car, “Thank you, Kento, really. I had fun”

“I had fun too, Y/N. Thanks for the Star facts”

He waited until you got inside your house before leaving, making you smile softly to yourself feeling your heart warm because of his sweet nature.

You take off your shoes and quietly go to your room, taking off your clothes before going to your private bathroom and jumping in the shower to quickly clean yourself. Once you are dressed in your silk pink pajamas, you grab your phone from your purse and connect it to the charger.

Turning around to lay down, you halt as you hear your phone ring to announce a text.

Toru <3: Where are you?

Y/N: Home.

Toru <3: What?

Toru <3: Who drove you?

Toru <3: You should’ve told me if you wanted to leave.

Y/N: Didn’t wanna annoy you.

Toru <3: You can’t leave without saying something.

Toru <3: You have to let me know.

You frown. You dont know if it was the emotional or the physical exhaustion, but you found yourself punching letter by letter of the message, not second guessing before sending it.

You don’t even bother checking if he texts back, locking your phone before throwing yourself on your bed.

Y/N: You’re not my boyfriend, I don’t have to do anything.

Satoru frowns as he stares at the text you just sent him, writing and deleting as he tries to decide what to text back. But end up with his mind totally blank.

You were right. He wasn’t your boyfriend, you didn’t have to tell him if you wanted to leave or give him an explanation for the matter.

So, why was he feeling so… weird?

He scoffs. He didn’t need to dwell on it too much c tomorrow everything would go back to the way things were.

Except they didn’t. You weren’t in his usual parking space when he arrived. He frowned, looking around, before shrugging. You must have fallen asleep, you weren’t used to going out on weekdays after all.

He nods at Geto and Shoko once he gets to his first period, letting himself fall in between them.

“Where’s Y/N?” Shoko asks, looking at the door expecting your smiling face.

“Late” he shrugs.

Nanami and Haibara join them as soon as the words leave Satoru’s lips, making a small smile grow on Nanami’s face.

“Sure about that?”

Satoru frowns, but it is Geto who asks, “What you mean?”

Nanami shrugs, serious face back on as he starts getting his books out.

But Satoru didn’t appreciate his secrecy. He had been kept in the dark by you last night, he wasn’t in the mood for that anymore.

And then it clicked.

“You were the one who drove her home, am I wrong?” Gojo asks Nanami, almost accusingly.

Nanami raises a brow, “And if I did?”

Satoru rolled his eyes but he stayed quiet.

Shoko and Geto share a look before glancing at Gojo. But Satoru had never been easy to read, always nonchalant and charismatic, never wavering. So it was a shock when they both realize the way his jaw tighten slightly before letting go.

Interesting, they thought.

You had been nowhere to be found by lunch, but Nanami had appeared with your usual pink container full with treats, smirking as he stared you sent them.

Suguru and Shoko had been eyeing Satoru warily as he seemed a second away from snapping with each second that passed. He kept bouncing his leg, without pausing, and clenching and unclenching his hand and jaw.

Everyone at the table remained silent as Haibara’s old words of reassurance of you probably being sick were squashed by Nanami’s appearance.

“Why isn’t Y/N here?” Shoko decides to ask.

Nanami grabs one of the brownies you made them this time, “She said she was gonna eat with the girls in her baking club. Was waiting near my locker with the treats”

Satoru’s hand clenches tightly. You had look for Nanami, but hadn’t even bothered to text him?

He hated this.

He hated more not knowing exactly why he hated it so much.

He saw you in Chemistry, but you didn’t cling to him as you used to. You only smiled at him from your sit beside his before burying yourself in your book. Asking questions and sneering them as usual. Taking colorful notes as usual.

But, not even glancing at him as usual.

What was going on?

He took a deep breath. It was Friday, he wouldn’t even remember this bitter taste during the weekend, which would make him go back to normal by the start of next week.

It’d be fine.

Except that by next Wednesday, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He had spent the whole weekend staring at his phone waiting for one of your texts reminding him to eat well or one scolding him to do his school work; he’d even accept one of your random visits to bring him a sweet you’d bake.

And it had already been three days since the week started and you kept ignoring him. Even when you decided to have lunch with them, you sat beside Utahime now.

His personalized Digimon bento box made by you had disappeared and only the container with sweets for everyone remained.

It was… upsetting.

He felt his chest ache and a sting in his eyes the more he thought about it. What had happened? What was going on with him? Why couldn’t he stop shaking his leg? Why did he kept glancing at the door for pastel colors when Nanami had told them you weren’t eating with them today.

“Satoru”, Geto calls him softly, “You okay?”

No. He wasn’t okay.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Shoko and Geto share a look, before the brunette sighs in defeat, “Hey, Nanami”

The blond one stops conversing with Haibara to listen to her.

“Did you see Y/N today?”

Nanami frowns, “Yeah… she said she wasn’t coming to lunch”

Shoko rolls her eyes before pointedly nodding towards Satoru’s lost gaze in his food and relentless fidgeting.

Nanami sighs, “She mentioned how she wanted to try the new vintage Library-Café near campus for lunch”

His legs stops moving, his jaw and hands unclench just as his foot shifts. Yet Satoru remains sitting.

Geto smiles faintly, before rising from his place nonchalantly, “I gotta go review for Calculus, midterms are soon after all”

Haibara’s eyes widen, “Oh, crap! I don’t understand a thing”

Nanami sighs, standing up as well, “Then, we’ll be joining you, Geto”

Suguro nods before guiding both boys out of the cafeteria with him.

“I need a smoke break”, Shoko whispers before leaving.

Utahime crosses her arms in defiance, understanding what all her other friends were doing but refusing to participate in it.

Mei Mei, though, was finding the situation really amusing.

“Let’s go shopping, ‘Hime”

“HUH?!”

Utahime is dragged by Mei Mei as she relentlessly voices how they can’t go shopping when they still have classes.

Satoru wasn’t stupid. He knew what they were doing, but he couldn’t find it in himself to truly care. Not when his body basically jump out of his seat as soon as Mei Mei and Utahime disappeared from view. Feeling ridiculous as he ran outside.

You thanks the waitress as she leaves the tray on your table. You smiled contently at the view. A Matcha Frappuccino, a blueberry cheesecake, and the new book you had just bought.

It was truly a sight for sore eyes.

You grabbed the fork quickly before taking a piece out of your cheesecake, hurrying to try it.

You moan in pleasure at the flavor, closing your eyes as you do so. You definitely needed to try to bake this one, it was true perfection. Not too bitter, but not too sweet, just right on the spot.

“That good?”

You squeaked in surprise, which Satoru found extremely endearing.

Grabbing the tissue and cleaning your mouth, you frown as your eyes meet his celestial blue ones.

“What are you doing here?”  

“Am I not allowed to come here?”  

You shake your head and scoff before lowering your gaze to your hands, playing with the rings on your fingers.

He never accepted to try any of these spots with you, so why would he come to them?

“You hate places like this” you mutter, “You never seemed to stop reminding me how dull they are, nor how annoying it is to have to sit in a place as you try not to bother others”

“Never said any of those things” he squints his eyes as if trying to remember, “Doesn’t ring a bell”

“I doubt you came for the books, who why are you here, Satoru?”

That stings.

And maybe is that pain that makes him sit right in front of you with the most sincere look in his face you’d ever seen.

“Not for the books, you’re right”, he taps his finger nervously on the table, “I actually came for the starry eyed Barbie”

You stare at him, dumbfounded, feeling your face slowly heat up before shaking your head.

“Why would you come for someone that’s always annoying you?”

He flinches at the reminder of his last words to you, “I… I didn’t meant that”

You scoff, “Yeah, right. I’m not blind, I know I annoy you. Which is why I don’t understand why when I finally leave you along, you decide to bother me”

His gaze moves to his fingers.

Silence.

Your appetite is now gone, so you grab your book and your bag before standing up. You give one step before being stopped by his hand on your wrist.

“I-i’m s-sorry” he softly stated, head lowered, “I didn’t mean it. I really I’m s-sorry, I just—I’m an idiot. I didn’t know what it was like—how it’d feel—I hate it… please, just—I’m sorry…”

You hug him, hating how his breathing grows in speed and how he starts to stutter as he tries to explain everything.

It wasn’t perfect, things weren’t just magically okay, but it was the right track.

That’s how next week on Wednesday during lunch, when raising their heads to say hi as they heard Satoru’s loud voice saluting them, Shoko and Geto freeze midway, before smiling, at the sight.

Because fire the first time ever, instead of them seeing you clinging onto Satoru’s arm desperately, he had it wrapped around your waist lovingly.

Happiness

Pairings: Gojo Satoru x Reader

Summary: Can there be happiness after a good man hurts you? Can there be when you’ve hurt him too?

| Masterlist |

Part 2 of Tolerate It

It had been a struggle to open your eyes, they were puffy from the tears you had cried the night before.

The night before, you remembered.

A tired sigh leaves your lips. With a pout, you turned around looking to hide your face on the covers when instead of the usual coldness that embraces your bed, warmth envelopes you.

Your eyes open in surprise, gaze falling on the sleeping figure of the man you have been in love with for at least seven years (maybe even more if you ignore your and his naivety). He was here. He was sleeping next you. After so long he was here.

But you weren’t anymore.

Your body was there beside his but your heart… oh, your heart was torn. In two halves: one wanting to stay by his, while the other wanted to protect what remained of itself. Because what was one morning together over the approximately 186 last mornings alone?

So, even if a part of you begged you to stay, you stood up as every other day to start your routine. Alone as you were used to.

Your muscle memory allowed you to do all that had to be done as your mind travelled farther and farther away from reality. How were you supposed to do this? Were you strong enough to do it? Did you really want this? Was this truly for the best?

Arms hugging your waist from behind get you out of your thoughts, but what stays with you is how your body decided to react.

Your body was tensed. On alert. Defensive. As if it was trying to protect you from Satoru, your Satoru. This wasn’t right. You couldn’t keep going like this. If this kept going your love would be tainted, damaged… if you kept going like this there would be no going back, ever.

"Good morning, sweets" he murmurs.

You just had to greet him back and then maybe everything would be okay. You hustled had to turn around, look into his eyes, and know that if you kept walking down this path the damage wouldn’t be incorrigible.

So why did you pull away from his arms?

"Breakfast ready" you said without looking at him.

You stayed still for a second, trying to process what you had just done. There was no going back now.

And then you turned away from him.

"Sweets?" No answer. You couldn’t. You didn’t know how, "Y/N"

The panic in his voice is what sets you off. There’s no going back. It has to be done.

You see his shoulders deflate as soon as your gaze meets his when you turn. The pure terror in his beautiful sky-blue eyes. Your gaze must speak volumes to him.

You wonder if the dagger that you’ve felt stabbing you heart all this time is now being shared with him. You wonder what he’ll do once you removed it from you completely

"Sweets?" He whispers.

God, if you’re real, you silently beg in your mind, if you’re really out there, please, let this be the right choice.

You see his resolve crumble. The tears that threaten to fall from his eyes, the ones he doesn’t let. You wished he would cry, show you that maybe tolerating this kind of love was worth it. If he could willingly show you his emotions as he used to before, maybe then you would throw away your dignity and stay.

But he doesn’t let a single tear fall.

You can see the terror, the pain, the grief, the sadness, all of them written on his whole body. Yet nothing else. He doesn’t even scream, nor beg, nor pleads. He doesn’t even ask.

He knows, you realize. He knows and yet here you both are.

You smile, sadly and faintly, and that gives him the answers without the need for questions. It’s over, your smile whispers. I love you, your eyes mutter softly. I love you, whispers his pout. Don’t leave me, scream his eyes.

Your love was beautiful, is beautiful. You don’t want to ruin it. Your love is pure. You don’t want to taint it. Your love is peaceful. You don’t want to damage it. So you’ll walk away before any of those things happen. You’ll walk away so, maybe, somewhere along the way you can meet again and work right from where you left off. Without the need to fix what broke. Just the need to repaint the wall, noticing the dimming of its color.

It took you a week to move your things out of your home with Satoru, assuring him that you wanted to move out even when he insisted on you keeping the place. This was hard enough as it was already, you wouldn’t be able to handle having to wake up in the home where your love grew stronger just to remind yourself of how it weakened too.

Now, the hardest part was the going back to your work. Going back to your students. Going back to Megumi.

During your moving, life kept going. So like always you had to do your routine and go train your beloved kids. Like always you prepared Megumi’s bento box and yours (Satoru’s too before). Life kept going as always.

Except it wasn’t. And it was long until everybody else noticed.

Megumi was the first to realize something was wrong the first day after you moved. He and Tsumiki were raised by the both of you. They were raised when you both were two oblivious teenagers, until you had both grown into respectable adults (Gojo’s growth was a little doubtful though). So he knew you both very well. He had noticed the distance that had grown over the last year between the both of you, distance that seemed to grow more once he moved to the school.

So, of course, he noticed when the knot that tightly tied you both together had snapped.

He tried to ignore it, the pang in his chest, every single time his gaze met one of yours. He tried to ignore the way he thinks about how Tsumiki would react, how he wanted to react.

And then he saw you give him his bento box, the missing Digimon lunchbox with Satoru’s own food missing from your grasp, and he couldn’t stop himself from wrapping himself in your arms. He didn’t know what had overcome him, but he suddenly felt the need for the comfort and safety your arms had always granted him ever since he was a child. Warmth that reminded him of green eyes that resembled his own, warmth that he knew reminded him of a word he had only muttered on special occasions and only towards you.

And, as always, you knew what had brought his outburst. You had learned to read him and his complicated feelings and he loved you for it.

“It’ll be okay” you whisper, “We’re all still a family, okay?”

You kiss his hair softly before letting go, giving him a bright smile. He smiles back, small and faintly, before leaving.

The pain doesn’t leave his chest, and if he is more tolerant towards Gojo during their training nobody questions it.

After Megumi, Shoko and Nanaimo followed. Both had been friends with the two of you for a long time, and never had they ever seen one not cling to the other’s personal space as if it was their own. Not even when the distance between the both of you had increased.

Now, there was a great divide. One that couldn’t be easily crossed. And they noticed.

Neither said anything. Shoko just somehow found her way to Gojo’s office with a box full of sweets she declared she had a coupon for. Nanami, on the other hand, found himself sitting besides you quietly reading his newspaper during his free times; letting you know he is there for you without saying a thing.

You appreciated it. Gojo silently did too.

Panda, Inunaki and Yuji’s sadness over the change couldn’t be hidden. Maki and Nobara’s disappointment (even when they questioned your dating standards all the time) was visible.

All of them felt like they were watching their own parents divorce even when none of you had birthed them. You still helped raise them. You both still cared for them. You both would still give up your lives for them, and they knew it. So the separation hurt them in a way.

But that wasn’t truly the hardest part of it all, not even the leaving part was. No, the worst was the after.

You didn’t really remember life before him, you just knew there had been one. Your before and after for you had always been when you turned seventeen and Suguru deserted, changing all of your lives altogether drastically.

You never imagined there’d be an after Satoru.

Yet here you were.

Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you had done during your first week starting over. You had hoped things would get easier, that the weight in your chest would lessen. But it hadn’t.

And now here you were at Jujutsu High, having to once again see the dimmed smiles in your students faces whenever they spotted you. You’d once again have to see the worry in Megumi’s usual blank stare. You’d once again have to see Satoru and wonder when his winning smile had become a smirk while trying to not break down. Once again you’d have to teach your lessons, feeling them become weapons pointed at your deepest scars.

“Sensei”

Your gaze leaves Megumi’s back as you watch him train, turning to find Nobara shyly stand next to you.

“Hi, Nobara” you smile seeetly, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just…” she clears her throat, “I wanted to ask—are you… are you okay?”

Your eyes widen, “I-I am”

Nobara sighs. She turns to look at Megumi, fidgeting with her hands as she thinks her next words over.

“I know you don’t want to worry us. Neither does Gojo” she starts, “But we worry cause you’re both ignoring what happened”

“We’re not—”

“You both are. But I think that’s mostly our fault” she sighs, “You’re both worried about our reaction to the… news? Well, to that. And well… we haven’t been acting in the best way”

You sigh. They haven’t, that’s true, but you could understand why. They saw you both as the ones to look up to, together; and now you both weren’t together anymore.

“We are sad. And we do wished things would’ve worked out. We also can’t truly understand what happened” she admits softly, “But none of that matters. Cause whatever we feel, you both must feel it a hundred times worst. So, please, stop trying to act strong and let yourself grieve”

Your eyes start to sting and you will yourself to not tear up. Let yourself grieve? The weight in your chest lessens slightly. Was that what you needed to do? Why hadn’t you done it before? Why had crying made you feel guilty? Why did you feel the need to always smile at school?

Oh. You didn’t feel you had the right to. Not after being the one that walked out.

“I’m sure there’ll be happiness in your life after him, but there was happiness because of him” she continues, “so you’re allowed to grieve that loss”

You smile faintly, “I didn’t know this side of you”

She scoffs, “I’m capable of girl talk, you know?”

You laugh slightly, making her smile.

“I know you are” you smile, “There’s just to many testosterone around”

“UGH” she groans, “Don’t even remind me!”

You laugh once again, returning your gaze to Megumi before standing up. Leaving with one last smile to Nobara.

You had to allow yourself to grief. You had to grieve losing the person that knew all your hiding spots, the person who owned the haunted look in your eyes after all the blood, after all the bruises, the curses and betrayals. The person who owned the eyes that would’ve loved him forever.

You had to grieve it and then leave it all behind.

You had to, only then would you be able to face reinvention. Only then would you be able accept the happiness in you history across the great divide, and look at the glorious sunrise that would come.

You had to do it properly. There was no villain in this story, you knew it. He was a good man. He had hurt you, but so had you.

This hurt you were feeling now was a small price to pay for the years in heaven you spent by his side. You needed to find yourself again. You needed to meet the new you, one that wasn’t standing next to Gojo Satoru anymore.

Two months.

That’s how long it has been since you left Satoru, since you started reinventing yourself. Since you started to try to understand who you were now, trying to find happiness in the after.

It was hard. Especially when the person you were leaving behind was a constant in your life. Someone you had to go work in missions with every now and then. Someone who you had to see have hundreds of girls come to, battering their lashes and flashing flirty smiles.

You couldn’t stop yourself from imagining that any of them could take your old spot beside him in your old bed. And you’d hope the one that took it was a beautiful fool.

Well, no. That was more your fury talking, making it hard to see the facts.

You weren’t the new you yet.

But that was okay, you were taking it slow.

What you didn’t know was that everyday his eyes would be on only you behind that black cloth that covered his sky-blue eyes. You didn’t know that every night he would go to sleep on his side of the bed, leaving yours untouched, hoping he could feel your warmth again. You didn’t know every time he went on a mission alone he still bought you a souvenir, hoping that one day he could give them to you once again.

You didn’t. But Megumi did.

“Have you tried talking to her?”

Megumi’s voice startles Gojo, which is a first time since his biological dead father had. But how could he have not been startled when all he could see and feel at the moment was you and your cursed technique? You who taught the second years with such kindness. You whose smile seemed to kiss the bruises in his heart better, at least helping forget for a while the throbbing pain they constantly caused.

“No” he states, softly and uncharacteristic of him, “I don’t want to screw things up for us more than I already have”

“You’re an idiot” Megumi states, “You should talk to her”

“I don’t think she wants that”

“How can you not? Have you asked her?”

Megumi is the reason why on the third month Gojo seeks you out. You had just come back from a mission just to find him in your office, a box of mochi in his hands.

Eyes bared.

“Satoru” you whisper.

“Hi, sweets” he smiles, faintly, “It’s been a while”

To his surprise, you smile faintly before walking towards him and enveloping in your arms. He feels himself grow weak in your embrace, letting his face fall on the crook of your neck as he breathes in your scent.

All his body relaxing in your familiarity. In your warmth.

“I miss you” he chokes.

Oh, he shouldn’t have let his eyes be open for you to see. He can’t stop the tears anymore, not with the comforting hold you have on him.

So he hides his face deeper in your neck, even when he knows you know.

You always know him best.

“I miss you too” you state softly.

“Please” he chokes, his shoulders quivering, “Come back. I’ll do better. I’ll be better”

“Satoru”

“Please, please, please” he cried softly, “Forgive me. Come back. I love you”

“I love you too… but I can’t come back. Not yet” you softly explain, “and you know that. I need to find myself again, to know who I am without you. And you need to do the same”

“But…”

“You won’t lose me. You’re my best friend. The person I love” you smile faintly, “But if we keep going like we were we would’ve ended up damaging what we had. That’s the last thing I want”

“But I can be better!”

You let him go, cradling his teary face in your hand lovingly.

“I want us both to do better. We need some time before we try again. We need some time so that we don’t ruin it” you smile, “I’d never want to ruin what we have. You understand that right?”

He nods, sniffling.

“There’s nothing to forgive. There’s just things to learn. We can do that” you caress his cheeks, cleaning the falling tears, “We’ll find our way back to each other, I know that. Do you?”

“I know it” he sentences, “Just… just don’t take too long, okay?”

“I won’t”

You both stay there, just gazing at each other. Finding comfort in the feeling of the other once again before you both have to let go.

There was happiness in your history together. And there would be happiness in your history separated. But, most importantly, there’d be happiness when you come back together once again.

You both knew it. And a year later you both experienced it. All it took was a little bit of patience.

But there was indeed happiness.

Hopefully you like it!! If you have any requests let me know!!

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Honestly, loved this! Can we just talk about the A R T that this link gave me? It inspired me! Hope you like it!

Haibara Yu was sweet. He was an innocent teenage boy, barely seventeen. One that wanted more than anything to help everyone he could, to save everyone.

So, how come no one saved him?

You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs and yet you couldn’t, not when you felt your throat close itself up. Not when breathing itself was proving a hard task to do.

Your baby brother was dead. Gone.

And it was all their fault.

You break free from Mei Mei’s arms, hating the way her once warm touch burned you now. She was one of them, she’d always be one of them as long as money was involved.

“Y/N/N?”

You ignore her soft call and keep walking, you wanted to get as far away from that school as you could. You couldn’t be there any longer, not after what happened.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Y/L/N” you halt, annoyance burning inside you, “How are you doing in this fine day?”

Fine day?

Without thinking, you turn in your heel faster than ever, hand outstretched as one of your grade 3 curses appeared ready to attack the blue-eyed sorcerer.

Gojo wasn’t expecting it by the widening of his eyes, but nevertheless the curse didn’t even get to breathe near him.

“HEY! What was that for?” He screams, annoyed.

“FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE!”

Gojo frowns, not truly understanding what you mean. He had just come back from a mission after all, but the sadness in your eyes stops him from asking more.

You were hurt. He wasn’t used to seeing you hurt. Not you with your witty comebacks and your usual roll of pretty E/C eyes every time he tried to stop you from training with Suguru. This was a different side of you, one he didn’t think he’d ever see.

And one that hurt him to see. No matter how much you two fought each other, he still considered you a friend.

“Hey… are you okay?”

Groaning in frustration, you turn around to leave without answering. You weren’t in the mood to have another of your childish fights with Satoru Gojo.

Not when you had just seen your brother’s pale face, his once bright eyes now lifeless. Not when you felt how cold the hand that once held yours tightly felt. What did it matter if you were a grade 1 when you couldn’t even be there to protect the one who truly mattered to you? What was the point of being strong then?

< Let’s always do the best we can, sis! >

Your knees wobble and soon meet the grass under them. When had you even come outside?

“You okay?”

Your hands are pulled from your ears, you hadn’t even noticed you had moved them to stop the noise inside your head.

“Geto?”

“I’m sorry about your brother” he softly states, “I really am”

You sigh and stay quiet. You don’t really know what to say to that. You appreciate he’s sincerity, yet can’t find it in yourself to care much about it. Not when the person you loved the most is gone.

“We should train together” he continues making you frown, “you look like you need to let go of some steam”

Your frown slowly disappears as you find truth in his words, there is nothing you want more now than beating the crap out of something or someone.

So, you stand up and allow him to guide you.

The first time of many in which you would follow him. And that was proven in September of 2009 when you were both assigned to a mission to exorcise a curse spirit thought to be the deaths and disappearances in a small village.

Yet as soon as you both arrived, you were guided to a secluded room. A secluded room that had a prison where two little girls, beaten up, were locked.

Your hands start shaking as you hear the explanation of the ignorant lot.

Suguru’s hand grabs your own, stopping it from shaking. One look, that’s all you needed to accept whatever fate laid in your future. His eyes were a dead giveaway of what he was about to do, and you’d follow him.

You had never stopped following him since Haibara’s death, and you wouldn’t stop now.

“Hey, you guys” Suguru calls out to them, “Come outside with me for a second”

He lets go of your hand and you let him.

As soon as the door closed behind him and the screams start, you destroy the lock on the door and grab the girls’ hands in yours.

Giving them the sweetest smile you could muster with the anger burning through you, you try to transmit your warmth to them. You wanted them to know they were safe.

“You don’t have to worry anymore, okay girls? It’s gonna be over soon” you smile “Everything will be better from now on, just trust him”

“Him?” One of them, the brunette, ask softly.

“His name is Geto Suguru” you explain, “he’ll keep you safe, we both will. He’s someone worth having faith in”

Unlike everybody else in the Jujutsu society, you think. Unlike Satoru Gojo.

You had never truly hated the white haired guy, not really. He was childish and annoying, yes, but he was also someone with the weight of the world on his shoulders. So you never hated him. You even thought you were kind of friends in a rivalry-kind-of-way.

But then your brother died. And Gojo didn’t care.

So he was no longer someone you relied on to have your back when needed. He was just another puppet controlled by the elders, nothing else.

“You promise?” The blonde one weakly asks.

“I swear” you answer, “You two are not stuck with me forever”

“Like best friends?” The brunette asks; hope shining in her eyes.

“I’d need your names first”

“I’m Hasaba Nanako” the blonde answer, “This is my sister, Mimiko”

“Nice to meet you, girls. I’m Y/L/N Y/N…”

Your voice falters as you hear the door behind you open, the familiar curse energy warming your heart.

Geto’s hand rests on your shoulders. You side eye him, rolling your eyes as you see the blood smeared on his white shirt.

“And I’m Geto Suguru” he smiles, eyes crinkling, “What you girls think about getting out of here and leaving these monkeys behind?”

Even though his sight is set on the girls, the tightening of his hand on your shoulder lets you know he is asking you too.

He is letting you know you can turn around. He is giving you a choice to leave him behind and go back.

“If the girls are down, then I’m too” you wink at the girls, “We’re best friends after all”

The girls giggle happily and soon you’re both carrying one of them, not looking back as you decide to leave the world you’d always known behind.

Leaving the world you’d always known as a sorcerer behind. The world your brother never stopped fighting for. The world that killed him.

And, geez, was it worth it as you stared at the family you were now building.

The Gojo’s Video Diaries

Series Masterlist

Pairings: Gojo Satoru x Reader

Synopsis: Recordings of the strongest sorcerer’s life with you throughout the years.

2005-2006 | First Year:

Video 0.1

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

2006-2007 | Second Year:

2007-2008 | Third Year:

[ Just Keep Swimming ]

Pairings: CEO! Gojo Satoru x Florist! Reader ; Lawyer! Naoya Zenin x Florist! Reader

Summary: The worst and best thing that could ever happen to you is falling in love. You were living proof of it. (based on “It Ends With Us”)

| Masterlist |

[ WARING TAGS: Modern!AU, no curse magic,, hurt/comfort, angst, domestic violence, violence, assault, sexual content, manipulation, gaslighting, blood, swearing ]

⛊ ☼ ⛉ ☼ ⛊ ☼ ⛉ ☼ ⛊

You were six the first time you saw it happen. You were ten when you first understood what it meant. You were fifteen when you first begged your mom with tears to leave him. You were eighteen when you decided to leave them.

And now here you were at twenty-five staring at your childhood bedroom , trying your best to not look at any of the family portraits that adorned the walls.

This was no happy home. You wouldn’t even call it a home to begin with. Not when the halls had echoed your mother’s terrified screeches as the walls tainted red. Not as your father’s fist painted your mother’s porcelain skin yellow, purple, red and green. How you hated those colors and despised this place.

You couldn’t wait to leave once again.

“It’s nice to have you back, honey”

You sighed. Your mother’s voice was as always soft and sweet; you hated how soft it sounded, as if she expected to get hit if she were to be louder.

Your eyes glanced around before stopping on an old music box, one a certain crystal blue-eyed boy had given you once upon a time. A small smile faintly appears on your face as you gaze at it, before being wiped off by the rest of your memories.

Clearing your throat, you turn towards your mother with a steady gaze. She smiled at you softly.

And you hated it. You hated that you remember how she had chosen him over you, again and again. You hated how you had begged, even gotten on your knees, for her to leave with you.

You hated that no matter how many times she chose him, he never stopped the cracks from deepening.

“Have you decided on what to say?” She asks slowly, “You could just recall a memory… maybe just state three things that he ever did to make you smile or…”

“Mom” you interrupted her, hating how as she spoke images of her being brutally hurt appeared in her mind, “I’ll figure it out”

She doesn’t seem convinced, but she still nods.

Sighing, you turn to look out your window straight at the three-story mansion in front of your own. Memories of joyous laughter and snow white hair.

Closing your eyes, you turn around. You had a funeral to get ready for and an eulogy to lie in.

The flowers on the roof of your building had always been your home away from home. Especially when you didn’t actually have somewhere that felt as home yet. You had lost that a long time ago.

You keep on cutting off the dead limbs, lost in your thoughts, when the door snaps open loudly and a crash startle you.

Turning around you are met with the sight of a blond man in a suit panting over a broken empty flower pot. You would’ve already screamed at him about the mess if it wasn’t for the tears streaming down his face.

He turns, eyes meeting yours. E/C meeting brown. His pants slow down and what appears to be shame shines through his face.

“I-I’ll pay for it”

“Seems like it was asking for it so no worries” you joke trying to make him feel at ease.

Why? You’re not sure. There was just something about seeing someone so powerful looking being vulnerable that made you sympathize.

He lets out a giant laugh full of relief and you find yourself smiling at it.

“You did all this?” He points at the many flowers al over the roof.

You nod, “Yeah, it’s my hobby… although maybe you could consider it my job too?”

“Huh? Really?”

“Hopefully, yeah” you nod, continuing your job, “You?”

“I’m, uh, a layer”

“A lawyer?” You ask ironically. He didn’t seem that confident to be one.

“I don’t look the part?”

“Not really”

He laughs again, louder this time, and you find yourself smiling. Again.

When was the last time you had smiled?

“You don’t look like a florist either”

“Makes sense, I didn’t actually study to become one” you smirk, “I just decided to become it”

“What did you study then?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”

He smiles, “Actually, I would. Along with your name”

“Sorry, I’m married”

His face pales, “Oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean any—”

Your laughter interrupts him. A loud and melodic one. One you hadn’t heard yourself let out in a long time.

It felt… warm.

“You… you’re messing with me”

“I am” your laugh faints, but the smile remains, “Was that too much?”

“When it caused that laugh? Not at all”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Y/N” you say softly, “That’s my name”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N” he smiles, “I’m Naoya”

You nod at him before turning your attention to your flowers once more, trying to ignore the way your heart had started to increase the rhythm of its beat. You weren’t gonna acknowledge it.

“Why flowers?” He clears his throat, “I mean… you said you chose it so, why?”

“Why not? There’s q certain beauty in them, a familiarity, don’t you think so?”

“Familiarity?”

They’re just like us. When loved, they bloom. When hurt, they rot.

I wanted to say that, yet couldn’t. I had only ever said that to one person before and it felt like a betrayal to say it to somebody else, as insignificant as it seemed.

“Think about it, okay?” You settle for, smiling, “Promise you’ll figure it out”

He laughs faintly, “I take it, because it means we’ll meet again, right?”

“I don’t know about that…”

“You live here, am I wrong? I live here too! It’s meant to be”

You frown with a smile, “Is that your best way to flirt?”

“Only if it’s working”

You shake your head, laughing, “With those looks I thought you were a womanizer but now…”

“Hey! With this looks, what else would I need?”

Both of you share a laugh, a happy one, and for a minute you forget he came here banging doors and breaking pots; you forget you had been cutting dead limbs from flowers hoping it’d cut the ones inside you too.

But reality always sets in and your smile disappears.

He had been violent. Whatever his reason might be, even if it was one that could be understood, sirens loudly came to life inside your head making you move around, you were uncomfortable.

“Anyways… I know I said it probably was asking for it but what exactly did the flower pot do?”

You hate how your voice soften at the start, so you toughen it up by the end. The last thing you ever wanted was to be like your mom.

You’d never be like her.

“Honestly… it wasn’t the pot’s fault. Sadly, it was just collateral damage” he sighs, “I… uh… something happened. It’s kinda personal”

“Oh. Sorry. I-uh… too invasive. I apologize”

“No, no, it’s okay. Understandable. I…” he sighs, “I had this case, kinda can’t talk about it you know, but… it was a tough one. My client was a kid… and I lost”

“Oh”

“Yeah, oh” he laughs bitterly, “My client is a kid that I promised I’d help, that I’d save, and I didn’t. I failed them”

“I’m so sorry” you sigh, “That’s… a good enough reason for the pot’s short lifespan”

He smiles faintly.

You sigh, averting your eyes and playing with your fingers nervously.

“My dad died this past weekend” you blurt out, “Seems like it’s been a shitty last few days”

“Seems like it”

“Kind of a pretty deep conversation for two strangers to have on a roof, don’t you agree?”

“You’re not a stranger” his eyes soften, “You are Y/N, flower enthusiast, trickster, owner of the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

You remind yourself to breathe as you let out an embarrassed laugh, averting your gaze from his soft one. Could your heart calm down? This was not the moment for a crush.

“Since we’re already spilling our dirty little secrets… how about a night of naked truths?”

“Naked truths?”

You hum, nodding, “I wouldn’t mind some company as I finish tending to my flowers and you seem like the last thing you need right now is being alone”

“Probably true. How’d you know I’m alone though?”

“Because we all tend to run to the person that makes us feel accompanied when we’re struggling… yet you’re on the roof, alone. Hitting doors and breaking pots”

“You’re also on the roof in a moment of struggle” he reminds you softly, his eyes filling with understanding.

“Again: I wouldn’t mind some company”

He nods, silently sitting down beside you on the floor and watching you as you tend your plants with care.

“Naked truths?” He reminds you softly.

You nod, “The odds of us ever seeing each other again are low, so it doesn’t matter”

“Kind of like a therapy session?”

“Zero judgement, all humor” you give him a small smile, “Wanna go first?”

“Today’s case… I watched a little boy’s life crumbled before his eyes when I failed him, making him go back to the hell he has lived with his father” he sighs, averting his gaze that had darken, “He’ll never be the same again and now he won’t even find a reason in asking for help”

“I’m sorry about that” you let out a deep breath, “Maybe he’ll figure out a way”

“Maybe… he shouldn’t have to though”

He was right. No kid should ever find a way to survive the hell they’ve been given. A kid should only ever be a kid.

“Your turn”

“I…”

He had been honest. He had been vulnerable. He deserved the same treatment.

“I’m a liar” you blurt out, “I’ve had to be since my father was a politician. But I shouldn’t have had to be it to the degree he made me be it. He… my mother and him fought a lot. And he would get so… so angry whenever they did that some-sometimes he would h-hit her. He’d apologize after. Taking us out, buying her expensive gifts. He knew I hated it when they fought so he’d buy me toys, to make up for it I guess. I didn’t really understand what him hitting her actually was, I was a kid. So… so-sometime-”

Your voice fails you, making you clear your throat as you find yourself admitting this out loud for the first time in years. Your saliva tasted like acid inside your mouth as you tried to find your voice once again.

Naoya waits patiently. Not making a sound and letting you collect yourself calmly.

“Sometimes I… I would find myself hoping they’d fight. Because I knew that if he h-hit her, the next two weeks would be… amazing” had I ever actually ever admitted this out loud?, “I wish he had never touched her. When I understood pain, I wished he’d stop but it was too late. It had become part of their marriage, like a silent norm in our house. So I let them be… I now know that letting it happen, never saying anything, makes me as guilty as him. As a daughter I have love for him, but as a person? I hate him. I have spent most of my life despising him for being such a bad person, but… I’m just as bad. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, am I right?”

“No”

The answer is immediate, making you freeze.

His hand stops your fumbling one, warming it on his own as if giving it a home. His gaze is determined, soft.

You couldn’t breathe.

“You’re not a bad person. I don’t think there’s really a thing as bad people” he squeezes my hand, “We’re just… people who sometimes do bad things. We’re humans, it’s inevitable”

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Was I gonna agree with him just to stop the conversation? Was I gonna try to convince him that I’m bad? What exactly was I gonna say?

People who sometimes do bad things.

You felt yourself lighter after his words, as if the weight pulling you down and making it hard for you to breathe had slightly lifted.

No one is exclusively bad, he was right. Some people just have it harder to be good.

And that’s okay. You just gotta keep trying.

“Your turn”

He looks ready to disagree, but relents anyway.

“I don’t remember my mom” he confesses, “Dad and her divorced when I was four I think. He never let me see her once he won custody… and she didn’t try to either”

“You wish she had tried?”

“When I was a kid” he shrugs, “Not anymore. She made her choice, and now I choose not to wait for someone who didn’t want me”

“What if she wanted but just… couldn’t?”

He scoffs, “Your turn”

The bitterness in his voice stings, but you know it’s not directed at you.

You squeeze his hand trying to give him at least a little of the comfort he gave you moments ago. He smiles faintly.

“I have only ever fallen in love once” you admit, “His name was Satoru, he lived in the house in front of me. I lost my virginity with him until my dad found us and kick him out. Never saw him again after”

“Satoru?” He frowns, “Not a common name”

“Yeah, it isn’t”

“Kinda jealous right now” you frown, “He must have been a hell of a guy if you haven’t dated since”

You remember the blood and its metallic smell. How your throat hurt as you screamed for him to stop. How tears fell down your cheeks as you try to break them up, only to be pushed back. You feared he’d kill him.

“He was” you state softly, “It just couldn’t… we just had to stop seeing each other”

“Had to?”

“Yeah. Had to”

The confession tastes like the metallic smell imprinted in your mind, making it hard to swallow.

He stays silent for a moment.

“Now I really am jealous” he smiles, making you laugh, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and you’re telling me you’ve only had one boyfriend? And he’s the one that got away?”

“Are you quoting a Katy Perry song?”

“Unimportant”

You laugh out loud. The screams that had muted the surrounding traffic sound quiet down, and the metallic taste disappears.

The one that got a way, you repeat to yourself. Yeah. Satoru definitely was that.

“What are you doing?”

You had been watching quietly so far but you just couldn’t anymore. Why did the heir of Gojo Enterprises look as if he was running away?

“Mind your own business”

“I actually am. You just stomped on my flowers before falling on your face as you ran without looking ahead” you scoff, “Now spill”

He sighs, looking towards his house before scoffing.

“Do you know who I am?”

“Satoru Gojo…? Only heir of the Gojo family, one of the top ten families in the whole country” you recite without a care, “Why does that even matter?”

“You forgot ‘illegitimate son’, princess” he rolls his eyes, “My mom was a maid who Mr. Gojo fucked because he pleased. So I’m leaving”

“Wh-wait! Leaving? Where?” You stop him, “You can’t leave”

“I can and I will”

“Where will you go? Do you even know what leaving on the streets will be like?” You scoff and cross your arms, “You won’t survive, not after living in that place”

“Until I was six, I lived in that place’s basement and was treated as a rat. I think the streets will be fine”

“But you can’t—”

“We’ve been neighbors all our lives and you’ve never once looked at me” he scoffs, “Don’t look at me now”

He turns around as he rolls his eyes, looking ready to ignore whatever else you tried to convince him to not leave home. But you’d never understand what a hell that house was and had always been, not when you had the picture perfect family.

“STAY HERE” you yelled in panic, freezing him on the spot, “We have a small house in our backyard, originally for the house’s help. It’s unoccupied, so you can stay there. Free of charge”

“Why?”

“Cause you look seem like someone who has had many doors closed in his face” you shrugs, averting your gaze shyly, “I want to show you there are others who’ll open it for you”

“Hey” you snap out of your memory from when you where fifteen, “You good? Lost you for a second”

“I’m fine” your voice is softer now, a hint of melancholy in it.

Why had you remembered that right now? Hadn’t that wound already healed?

“It’s gotten late. I-I should go”

You stand up, your head a mess, but his hand in yours stops you. His gaze is curious and slightly desperate.

“Will I see you again?”

“No”

“That stings”

“I’m just honest” you sigh, “That’s how it works”

“I don’t believe it is” he smiles, “So, see you next time, Y/N”

You had indeed seen him again, as if by destiny. He was apparently family of your new part-time worker, Maki. And apparently he knew your best friend, Utahime, whom had help you open your flower shop, Camellia Carnation.

It had taken you back to see him with Utahime, but you had acted indifferent. Then, he had been your first client ever and had buy the bouquet for you. Maki warned him you were off limits.

So you agreed to be friends.

Yet he was always there, and your heart kept on taking his side. One misstep and you found yourself falling.

You hadn’t meant to fall, not after Satoru. But at some point he smiled and you knew it was game over. Suddenly, he had sunk beneath your bones and nurtured this deep familiarity into a love so fierce that you believed this was it, that he was it. After all the pain, and the healing, and the heartbreak, Naoya was it.

Maki said he didn’t date, that he just played around. Naoya himself admitted it to.

Yet he begged you to try with him.

And holy crap were you glad you said yes. When was the last time you had been this happy? Dancing around the kitchen with only the refrigerator light? Playing board games in your bed? Laughing until the sun rose?

You gave him your all and he reciprocated it.

It only made sense that he met your mother when she came to visit you, even when you were a little hesitant about it. He was excited, you wouldn’t stop it.

You hadn’t expected to be frozen in your seat, barely registering what your mom was saying as you both waited for Naoya to come back from the restroom. How could you focus when you had just met your favorite set of crystal blue eyes?

You thought you had it wrong. You had to.

But nothing could compare to those eyes. White hair? People dyed it all the time. Pale skin? No beaches around. But his eyes? No one could even imagine coming close to their unique blue.

It has been years since you saw him, but you’ll never forget what he looked like. It had to be him. You know it was and you believe he recognized you, too, because the second your eyes met… it looked like he’d seen a ghost.

You felt breathless.

It was as if in this moment your soul was whispering to your heart excitedly about him. It was like a gravitational pull, like as if all the universes and all the galaxies were conspiring in his favor.

Snap out of it, you screamed in your head.

Why were you looking at him like that? You couldn’t. You didn’t know him, not anymore at least.

And yet…

You found yourself in the restroom’s, hoping he had recognized you and maybe decided to follow you.

What were you doing? He had left you behind, months before graduating, without a goodbye. He had probably gone to the marines to escape his father… but he had been so well dressed he probably had ended up doing as he was told.

You needed to compose yourself.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by the door opening behind you. The Baby Breath flower tattoo in your collarbone burning as you meet his gaze, both of you breathless.

He looked healthy. There were so many emotions going through you at the moment but that was what stuck. You were happy he was healthy.

So why did it sting that he never came back for you? That he never looked for you?

“Y/N”

He’s standing at the end of the hallway like a ghost straight out of the past. He’s real, and he’s standing right in front of you.

“Toru”

He smiled and you swore your heart stopped.

“I’m going to make a promise to you. I’ll get out of my father’s cage and make a life of my own. When my life is good enough to deserve you in it, I’ll come find you. But don’t wait for me, okay? It may not happen”

He blows out a quick breath of relief and then takes three huge steps forward. You find yourself doing the same. Meeting in the middle and throwing your arms around each other.

“Holy shit” he breathes, tightening his embrace.

You nod, “Yeah. Holy shit”

He puts his hands on your shoulders and takes a step back to look at you.

“You haven’t change a thing”

Covering your mouth with your hand, still in shock, you give him a once-over. His face looks the same, but he’s no longer the scrawny teenager you remember.

“I can’t say the same for you”

He laughed, “Six years in the military will do that, definitely”

You’re in shock, and so is he, so nothing is said after that. You’re both too busy taking each other in to figure out what to say next. Laughing with disbelief.

Finally, he releases your shoulders and folds his arms over his chest.

“What are you doing here?”

He didn’t remember. You didn’t know if you were disappointed or relieved.

“I live here,” you say, forcing your answer to sound as casual as his question, “I own a flower shop over on Park Plaza”

He smiles knowingly, like it doesn’t at all surprise him.

You glance toward the door, knowing you should get back out there. He notices and then takes another step back. He holds your gaze for a moment, it gets really quiet. Way too quiet.

There’s so much you both have to say but where to start? The smile leaves his eyes for a moment and then he motions toward the door.

“You should probably get back to your company”, he says, “I’ll look you up sometime. You said Park Plaza, right?”

I nod. He nods.

And then you both parted ways.

The rest of your dinner was uneventful. Your gaze sometimes strayed to where Satoru sat surrounded by men in business attire, but came back to Naoya whenever he made your mom laugh.

Naoya is the perfect gentleman. Making your mom laugh, listening to her stories, paying for dinner, insisting on walking her to her car.

So why did you kept glancing at Satoru throughout the night?

“I ordered an Uber so we have approximately…” he checks his phone, “two minutes to make out”

You laugh, wrapping your arms around him. Smiling softly as you feel him kiss your neck lovingly, followed by your cheek.

“Ugh, how I wish I could invite myself over to your apartment, but my client wouldn’t be too happy with me if I did”

You giggle before kissing him back. Relief and disappointment coursing through you at his words.

Why was there relief?

“Grand opening soon, so I need to rest too” you remind him, “When’s your next day off?”

“Never. When’s yours?”

“Never”

You both laugh again, making out a little more before his Uber arrives and he has to leave. You watch until it pulls out of the parking lot.

Why did everything feel so right with him?

You smiled and turned around towards your car, but gasped as soon as your gaze met his covered one.

What the hell was Satoru doing standing at the rear of your car?

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you”

His voice is low, as if tired. You force yourself to not dwell on the motive.

“Well, you did” you lean against the car, three feet away from him.

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

Your eyes widen as you turn to him, but his gaze is set on the road. You clear your throat.

“He’s…” your voice falters. This is weird. Your chest is still constricted and your stomach is flipping, “His name is Naoya. We met about a year ago.”

You force yourself not to wince at the truth once it came out. Maybe you shouldn’t have said you met that long ago. It sounded as if you were in an official long term relationship while you were just… courting each other?

“What about you? Girlfriend? Wife?”

Why were you asking that? Were you genuinely curious or…?

“Girlfriend. Her name is Mei Mei. We’ve been together almost a year now”

Heartburn. You believe you were having a heartburn. You place your hand in your chest.

A year?

“That’s good. You seem happy”

Did he seem happy? You had no clue. You just had to say something. Anything.

“Yeah. Well… I’m really glad I got to see you, Y/N” he turns around to walk away, but then spins and faces you again, his hands shoved in his back pockets, “I will say… I kind of wish this could have happened a year ago”

You wince at his words, trying not to let them get to you. Watching him as he turns and walks back to the restaurant.

Fumbling with your keys, you hit the button to unlock your car and slide in, shutting the door behind you loudly. You grip the steering wheel until your knuckles turn white. You feel a sting on your lower lip as you bite it.

For whatever reason, a tear falls down your cheek. You feel pathetic as you carelessly wipe it before starting your car.

Why were you feeling this much hurt after seeing him?

But it’s good. This happened for a reason. Your heart needed closure so that you could give it to Naoya. Maybe you couldn’t have done that until this happened.

This was good…

Yet you kept on crying.

But it’ll feel better. It’ll be better. This was just human nature, healing an old wound to prepare for a fresh new layer.

Nothing else.

“Knock, knock” you smile, opening the door with a tray in your hands full of food.

Satoru is sleeping on the couch in the help’s house living room and your gaze softens as you see the usual frown you’ve become used to missing.

He is different than you thought.

At school he was all smiles and laughter. But that was just a mask. This was the real him, the human him. One that had a lot of baggage and was slowly trying to get rid of it.

Sighing, you put the tray in the table and move closer to him, kneeling in front of the couch where he is laying.

“Psst… Satoru… wake up”

He frowns and moves slightly, which makes you giggle softly. Was he pouting?

“Come on. Mom and dad left so I brought you breakfast” his eyes open slightly, “I made sure to bring also a piece of strawberry cheesecake”

That makes him sit up quickly. You giggle and shake your head in amusement. You had learned in the last few weeks of him living with you of his sweet tooth, it was adorable.

Except something look out of place.

His usual pale skin was red. And the house had AC so he shouldn’t be sweating that much. Also, why were his eyes bloodshot?

Worried you make your palm touch his forehead, frowning as you feel how hot it feels against your skin. You wanted to call my mother, but how would you explain the situation? What could you do?

He must’ve seen how worried you were, cause he smiled softly at me.

“I’m okay, Y/N”

Your frowned deepened. Without a word you stood up, crossing your backyard to go inside your house and look for some medicine in the cabinet. There was some flu medicine, you weren’t sure if it’d work but you needed to try. Then, you went to the kitchen and made him some ginger tea, which should help if he’s got a sour throat.

When you came back he was curled up in a ball, shivering slightly.

“Seriously, I’m fine”

“Shut up” you scoff, handing him the mug, “Drink the tea, I’ll look for a blanket”

You did as you said and he did as told. After the tea you made him drink the medicine you brought him, and then you help him eat the breakfast you prepared for him.

Throughout it all he watched you with an intense gaze that you didn’t understand, but didn’t mind either.

“Y/N… I think I wanna throw up”

You stop wetting the towels you were preparing for him, jumping to grab the trash can and kneeling down in front of him.

As soon as you set it down, Satoru hunched over it and started throwing up.

You felt your chest tighten. You didn’t want to pity him, but you kinda did. Whatever his home situation had been like, he preferred having no home to call his own and no parents to take care of him than keep on living there. Even when he was this sick.

He only had you now. And you had no clue on how to help him.

After he finished throwing up, you help him drink some water and help him brush his teeth before putting him to bed. He pouted and whined like a child, but you weren’t having any of that.

He was shaking so bad and sweating like crazy from the heat his body expelled, the thought of leaving him alone scared you.

So you didn’t.

You laid down next to him, not minding the possibility of getting sick, and every hour for the next ten hours that he continued to get sick you stayed by his side. You kept on emptying the trash can, wiping his sweat, changing his sheets, wetting his towels, making him soup and helping him eat. You didn’t even think about how gross it was.

He needed you, and you were not fucking failing him.

By the time he regained a little bit of his strength, you were exhausted. You sent him to take a shower and closed your eyes for a little bit.

Why were you so worried about him?

You sighed, too tired to think of an answer. What you did know is that you did care about him, and there was no changing that now.

When he finished showering, you made him seat next to you and covered him up with the blanket, leaning into him slightly as you felt yourself becoming sleepy.

“You should rest” he whispers, “You’ve been taking care of me all day”

“I’m not tired”

“Don’t be stubborn” he coughs, “Just sleep for ten minutes. Please?”

He never said please. You doubted the word was even in his vocabulary, yet he just said it so you would consider resting.

Silently, you close your eyes.

A few minutes later, you felt him lean over a little and press his lips against your collarbone, right between your shoulder and your neck. You stop yourself from shivering as you become breathless. It was a quick kiss. Not even one you could consider as romantic in any way, more like a thank-you kiss.

But it made you feel all kinds of things.

Even when it had already been a few hours since you left him, as you lay awake on your bed, you kept touching that spot with your fingers because you could still feel it.

It was probably one of the worst day of his life. But it had been one of your best.

The next couple of weeks things started changing between you and Satoru. Something had shifted in your dynamic.

Now you held hands. Now you slept some nights in the same bed. Now you both seek the warmth that came from the other. It made you wonder if he still saw you as a naive fifteen year old. He was just two years older, it shouldn’t make that much of a difference right?

You were currently both watching Finding Nemo in the main house’s living room. The part came up where Nemo’s father, Merlin, was looking for Nemo but feeling really defeated and Dory said: ‘When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming’.

“Just keep swimming” you whisper to yourself, turning to face him with a soft smile as you grab and squeeze his hand, “Just keep swimming”

You wanted to be the one that helped him swim until he finally got to surface, until he finally could breathe again.

You both were now facing each other and he had a strange look in his eyes.

“When do you turn sixteen?”

“That’s a random question” you softly laughed, “In two more months… when do you turn eighteen?”

“Not until December” he said.

You nodded, wondering if he still saw you as a kid… and if he could ever see you as more.

Maybe when two people are fifteen and seventeen, it might seem a little too far apart. But once you turned sixteen, who would see the difference?

“I need to tell you something”, he said.

You lost your breath. Heart beating fast. Were you maybe too hopeful right now?

“I got in touch with my uncle today. My mom used to live with him in Boston. He told me once he gets back from his work trip I can stay with him”

Oh.

This was good news. This should make you happy. He’d have a home, a family. He’d be okay. So why weren’t you? Why were you feeling sorry for yourself?

“Are you going?” you asked, begging the universe your voice didn’t shake.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

He was so close to you on the couch, so close you could feel the warmth of his breath. He smelled like mint.

You started fiddling with your hands, hoping to shake off the negative feelings surfacing.

“I don’t know what to say” you clear your throat, “I’m happy you have a safe place to stay, but what about school?”

A stupid excuse, but it was something.

“I could finish down there”, he said.

Oh.

He had already made up his mind, hadn’t he? You knew because he had this certain light in his eyes, a light you thought had extinguished.

Who were you to try to stop it from shining?

“When are you leaving?”

The words fled like acid in your throat.

You wondered how far away Boston is. It’s probably a few hours, but that’s a whole world away when you don’t own a car.

“I don’t know for sure that I am.”

“What’s stopping you? Your uncle is offering you a place to stay. That’s good, right?”

He tightened his lips together and nodded. Then he stop your fiddling hands, grabbing them on his own and playing with your fingers. He leaned back and then he did something you weren’t expecting. He moved his fingers to your lips and he touched them.

You felt like dying. How was it possible to feel so much at once? You had to be dying.

He kept his fingers there for a few seconds, and he said, “Thank you, Lily. For everything”

He moved his fingers up and through your hair, and then he leaned forward and planted a kiss on your forehead. Were you even breathing at this point? He looked down at me and you watched as his eyes went right to your mouth.

“Have you ever been kissed, Y/N?”

You shook your head no and tilted your face up to his because you needed him to change that right then and there or you weren’t gonna be able to breathe.

Then, too slow for your liking, he lowered his mouth to yours and just rested it there. You didn’t know what to do next, but you didn’t care. You didn’t care if you just stayed like that all night and never even moved your mouths, it was everything.

His lips closed over yours and you could kind of feel his hand shaking. You did what he was doing and started to move your lips like he was, although a little weird at first. You felt the tip of his tongue brush across your lips once and you thought your eyes were about to roll back in your head. He did it again, and then a third time, so you finally did it, too. When your tongues touched for the first time, you kind of smiled a little, because you had thought about your first kiss a lot. Where it would be, who it would be with. Never in a million years did you imagine it would feel like this.

He pushed you on your back and pressed his hand against your cheek and kept kissing you. It just got better and better as you grew more comfortable. Your favorite moment was when he pulled back for a second and looked down at you, then came back even harder.

You don’t know how long you kissed. A long time. So long, your mouth started to hurt and your eyes couldn’t stay open. By the time you both were too tired to open your eyes, you could still feels his lips ghosting over yours.

“You’re my favorite person”, you whisper, sleep overcoming you slowly.

“Out of how many people?”

His voice sounded alive for some reason. You didn’t dwell on it, too tired to try to open your eyes and see the look on his face.

“All of them”

His arms around you tighten, a small kiss being delivered to the side of your lip.

“You’re my favorite person too, Y/N. By a long shot”

You had to stop remembering the past. Especially now that you had a beautiful present paired with a future to look forward to. Naoya was perfect. He was everything you had wanted when you were a child.

Your chapter with Satoru was over. He was happy now.

You were happy now.

Time can definitely heal all wounds. Or at least most of them.

Life kept going and you buried any thought of Satoru that had come to mind. Things with Naoya became official and you felt on cloud nine every second you spent in his presence.

Especially after having sex. It was a hell of a ride.

You excitedly walked around your flower shop, humming a song under your breath and ignoring the weird looks Utahime and Maki are giving you.

Naoya had just called to say he was taking the day off for you. You had every right to feel giddy.

“Please tell me you’re being safe”

Your roll your eyes at Utahime as Maki fakes puking.

“Please, don’t”, Maki groans, “Still underage here”

“Both of you shush it” you laugh, “Utahime make sure to close. Maki get home safe. I got a dinner to make”

By the time you hear the door open you’re almost finished preparing the casserole mixture. You pour it into the glass pan and don’t turn around when you hear him walk into the kitchen.

You squeal when you feel the sting on your right butt cheek.

“Did you just slap my ass?”

“Don’t blame me, who wouldn’t want to smack that ass?”

You laugh. He raised the wine bottles in his hands with a grin, “It’s vintage”

Vintage,” I say with mock impression. “What’s the special occasion?”

He hands you a glass and says, “I have a smoking hot girlfriend and I have one of the most important trials of my life in a few days”

“What kind of trial?”

You both finish your glasses of wine and he pours you more.

“One that’s gonna be televised around the whole country. Career changing” he says, “A doctor that abused most of his female patients while anesthetized. Gotta put the bastard in jail”

Was it wrong to be turned on by your boyfriend putting trash men in jail?

“How long do you think it’ll take?”, you ask.

“Well, he had more than a hundred victims so… make three days trial if we keep it short”

You hated that people like that existed, but it made you like him more how hard he fought to get rid of them.

He chugs his wine then, “I’m gonna take a shower. Be right back”

He kissed your cheek swiftly before getting out of the kitchen.

You drink more of your wine.

He was on top of her.

They were on the couch and he had his hand around her throat, but his other hand was pulling up her dress. She was trying to fight him off and you just stood there, frozen. She kept begging him to get off her and then he hit her right across the face and told her to shut up.

You’ll never forget his words when he said, “You want attention? I’ll give you some fucking attention”

And that’s when she got real still and stopped fighting him. You heard her crying.

“Please be quiet. Y/N is here”, she sobbed, “Please be quiet”

Please be quiet while you rape me.

Was it possible for a person to feel this much hate? You walked straight to the kitchen and opened the drawer. It was like you weren’t in your own body. You grabbed the biggest knife you could find.

You weren’t planning to used it. You just wanted something that could scare him. But before you could make it out of the kitchen, two arms went around your waist and picked you up from behind. You dropped the know, but your father didn’t heart it. Your mother did.

You locked eyes with her as Satoru carried you back to your bedroom.

When you were back inside my room, you just started hitting him in the chest, trying to get back out there to her. You were crying (when had you started crying?) and doing everything you could to get him out of your way, but he wouldn’t move.

He just wrapped his arms around you tightly.

“Y/N, calm down”, he kept saying over and over.

He held you there for a long time until you accepted that he wasn’t gonna let you go back out there. He wasn’t gonna let you have that knife.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed his jacket and started putting on his shoes.

“We’ll go to the help’s house. We’ll call the police”

The police.

Your mother had warned you not to call the police in the past. She said it could jeopardize your father’s career. But in all honesty, you didn’t care at that point. The only thing you cared about was helping your mother, so you pulled on your jacket and went to the closet for a pair of shoes. When you stepped out of your closet, Satoru was staring at your bedroom door.

It was opening.

Your mother stepped inside and quickly shut it, locking it behind her. You’ll never forget what she looked like. She had blood coming down from her lip. Her eye was already starting to swell, and she had a clump of hair just resting on her shoulder. She looked at Satoru and then at you.

You didn’t even take a moment to feel scared that she had caught you in your room with a boy. You didn’t care about that. You were just worried about her.

You walked over to her and grabbed her hands and walked her to your bed. You brushed the hair off her shoulder and then from her forehead.

“He’s gonna go call the police, mom. Okay?”

Her eyes grew real wide and she started shaking her head.

“No” she said, “You can’t. No”

Satoru was already at your window about to leave, but he stopped and looked at you.

“He’s drunk, Y/N” she said, “He heard your door shut, so he went to our bedroom. He stopped. If you call the police, it’ll just make it worse, believe me. Just let him sleep it off, it’ll be better tomorrow”

But it wouldn’t. It hadn’t been in all these years. This had to be the final straw.

You shook your head and could feel the tears stinging your eyes, “Mom, he was trying to rape you!”

She ducked her head and winced when you said that.

“It’s not like that” she shook her head, “We’re married. And sometimes marriages is… you’re too young to understand”

It got really quiet for a minute.

“I hope to hell I never understand”

That’s when she started to cry. She just held her head in her hands and she started to sob and all you could do was wrap your arms around her and cry with her. You had never seen her this upset. Or this hurt. Or this scared. It broke your heart.

It broke you.

You chug the wine in your hand and pour yourself some more. Tonight was a happy day, a good one. Why were you thinking about that?

You’re on your fourth or fifth glass of wine when Naoya comes back.

“We have dinner reservations tomorrow with Utahime and Maki to celebrate your flower shop” he pours himself another glass, “We’re going to the restaurant we went with your mom. Dory was it called?”

Your heart sinks down your chest.

It’d be impossible to meet Satoru there again, right? It had been a coincidence. Boston was too big to find each other again… right?

“I don’t want to go back there. I didn’t like it. Let’s try something new”

“You’ll be fine,” he says, “Maki is excited to eat there, I told her all about it and for once she didn’t roll her eyes at me”

What are the odds of meeting again at that same place? Maybe you should just let it be.

“Speaking of food, I’m starving”

The casserole!

“Oh shit!” You say, laughing. You were definitely tipsy.

Naoya rushes to the kitchen and you stand up and follow him in there. You walk in just as he pulls the oven door open and waves away the smoke. Ruined.

You got dizzy all of a sudden from standing up too fast after having that many glasses of wine. So you grabbed the counter beside him to steady yourself, just as he reached in to pull the burnt casserole out.

“Wait, Naoya! You need a…”

“Shit!” he yells.

“Pot holder”

The casserole falls from his hand and lands on the floor, shattering everywhere. You lift up your feet to avoid broken glass and mushroom chicken splatter. You start laughing as soon as you realize he didn’t even think to use a pot holder.

Must be the wine. It was a seriously strong wine.

He slams the oven shut and moves to the faucet, shoving his hand under the cold water, muttering curse words. You’re trying to suppress your laughter, but the wine and the ridiculousness of the last few seconds are making it hard. You look at the floor, at the mess you’re both about to have to clean up, and the laughter bursts from you. You’re still laughing as you lean over to get a look at Naoya’s hand.

You hope he didn’t hurt it too bad.

Suddenly you’re not laughing anymore. You’re on the floor, your hand pressed against the corner of your eye.

In a matter of one second, Naoya’s arm came out of nowhere and slammed against you, knocking you backwards. There was enough force behind it to know you off balance. When you lost your footing, you hit your face on one of the cabinet door handles as you came down.

Pain shoots through the corner of your eye, right near your temple.

And then you feel the weight.

Heaviness follows and it presses down on every part of you. So much gravity, pushing down on your emotions. Everything shatters.

Your tears, your heart, your laughter, your happiness, your soul. Shattered like broken glass raining down around you.

You wrap your arms over your head and try to wish away the last ten seconds.

Was that all it took for everything to shatter? Only ten seconds?

“Shit, Y/N” you hear him groan, “It’s not funny. It fucking hurts”

You don’t look up.

His voice doesn’t penetrate your body this time. It feels like it’s stabbing you now; that sharpness of his words coming at you like swords.

And then his hands are on your back, rubbing it.

“Y/N. Oh, shit, Y/N” he tries to pull your arms away from your head, but you refuse.

You shake your head. Begging for the last seconds to go away. Ten seconds. That’s all it took for a person to completely change everything about themselves.

Ten seconds that you’ll never get back.

He pulled you against him and started kissing the top of your head.

“I’m so sorry. I just… I burned my hand. I panicked. You were laughing and… I’m so sorry, it all happened so fast. I didn’t mean to push you, Y/N. I’m sorry”

But you couldn’t hear Naoya, you only heard your father.

“I’m sorry, Y/M/N. It was an accident. I’m so sorry”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It was an accident. I’m so sorry”

You wanted him away from you.

Using every ounce of strength still in you, you pushed him away from you. He falls backward, onto his hands. His eyes are full of genuine sorrow, but then they’re full of something else.

Worry? Panic?

He slowly pulls up his right hand and it’s covered in blood. Blood is trickling out of his palm, down his wrist. You look at the floor, at the shattered pieces of glass from the casserole dish. His hand. You just pushed him onto glass.

He turns around and pulls himself up. He sticks his hand under the stream of water and starts rinsing away the blood. You stand up, shaking, just as he pulls a sliver of glass out of his palm and tosses it on the counter.

You’re full of so much anger, but somehow, concern for his hand still finds its way out. You grab a towel and shove it into his fist. There’s so much blood.

You try to help stop the bleeding, but you’re shaking too bad, “Naoya, your hand.”

He pulls the hand away and, with his good hand, he lifts my chin.

“Fuck the hand, Y/N. I don’t care about my hand. Are you okay?”

He’s looking back and forth between your eyes frantically as he assesses the cut on your face.

Your shoulders begin to shake and huge, hurt-filled tears spill down your cheeks.

“No” you’re sure he can hear your heart breaking with just that one word, because you can feel it in every part of you, “Oh my God. You pushed me, Naoya. You…”

The realization of what has just happened hurts worse than the actual action.

Naoya wraps his arm around your neck and desperately holds you against him, “I’m so sorry, Lily. God, I’m so sorry”, he buries his face against your hair, squeezing you with every emotion inside of him, “Please don’t hate me. Please”

His voice slowly starts to become his own voice again, and you feel it in your stomach, in your toes. He’s not even worried about his hand, which is still bleeding. That means something right?

There’s too much happening. The smoke, the wine, the broken glass, the food splattered everywhere, the blood, the anger, the apologies, it’s too much.

“I’m so sorry” he says again

You pull back and his eyes are red and you’ve never seen him look so sad.

“I panicked. I didn’t mean to push you away, I just panicked. All I could think about was my hand and… I’m so sorry”

He presses his mouth to your and breathes you in.

He’s not like your father. He can’t be. He’s nothing like that uncaring bastard.

You’re both upset and kissing and confused and sad. You’ve never felt anything like this moment, so ugly and painful. But somehow the only thing that eases the hurt just caused by this man is this man. Your tears are soothed by his sorrow, your emotions soothed with his mouth against yours, his hand gripping yours like he never wants to let go.

Naoya isn’t like your father. He’s nothing like him.

He can’t be.

part two [coming soon]