All I Think About Is Karma

all i think about is karma

summary: you and rafe take on a mainland bush party where he knows no one, and you know too many people for his liking.

this can be read as a stand-alone but it's technically a part four to getaway car, big reputation, and this is why we can’t have nice things.

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 2.1k

tags/warnings: jealous!rafe, highschool au, (some) nondescript nudity, cursing, mean kook!reader, underage drinking, (i think that’s it??)

a/n: hey y’all!! sorry i haven’t posted anything in a little while, i’ve been busy but now im back home and on my usual schedule so there shouldn’t be any serious interruptions for a little while. i missed y’all and i hope you like this! this is what won my getaway car poll quite some time ago so im so happy to finally get it out!

"No, Y/N/N, I'll be fine. I don't want to dampen your week, you'll have so much fun!" Bella insists, adjusting where her phone is laying in her lap while she lays in bed, surrounded by tissues and snack wrappers. She came down with the flu at the worst possible time: right before you were meant to go on your spring break trip.

"It won't be the same without you! I should just stay home, I can come over and we can have a movie marathon or something. That'll be just as fun." You reply, watching her through the facetime camera while you sit at your vanity.

"No. Absolutely not. You're going- and you'll get to hangout with Rafe! It's worth it for me to get all the juicy details after." Bella giggles, sniffling and quickly wiping her nose.

You roll your eyes, rubbing your forehead. "Okay, yeah, but nothings gonna happen- you know I swore that off."

"Yeah, whatever. The two of you, alone, drunk and sharing a tent? Whatever you say." Your friend teases you. "It's actually worth it for me to stay home so you can come back with tea."

"Okay, fine," You agree, not admitting that the idea is very tempting. "But I'm not sleeping with him again."

"No! Of course not." Bella laughs, shaking her head. "But if you did, at least be safe this time. We don't need a repeat of what happened last time-"

"Okay! Okay! Bye, Bella I'll call you later!" You quickly cut her off, hanging up the phone.

Several long hours after texting Rafe the update that Bella wasn't going to make it, you found yourself in his truck on the mainland, driving into what seems to be the middle of nowhere for a bush party you caught word of from some friends you met playing soccer on a local team. You were excited to see them, and meet some new people, but you're honestly so glad Rafe still wanted to go. You'd rather not go alone if you didn't have to.

Judging by the large space in front of you full of various groups of kids your age putting tents together or starting fires around makeshift campsites at the edge of the water, you assume you're in the right place and get to work setting up your own tent off near the edge of the lake.

It wasn't long before the sun started to set over the abandoned gravel pit, and you just finish up when you crack open your first drink from the cooler. "So like... are we actually going to talk to anyone or just hide over here and be weird all night?" Rafe asks as you bring the can to your lips.

You roll your eyes a little and nod. "Well, duh. My friends are coming. I don't know what your plans are." Rafe looks around at that, seeing if there's anyone he might be able to talk to, but he was counting on hanging out with you.

"Wow, you're ditching me?" He asks, reaching into the cooler as well and grabbing a beer. "Cold."

You go to reply with a matching, somewhat snarky attitude the two of you almost always share when you recognize the purple jeep that's pulling in. "That's them! Good luck making friends!" You call back, jogging over to where they parked.

Rafe flips you off as you turn your full attention to your friends, sighing a little to himself as he lays eyes on a group of local boys who look enough like his friends that he's comfortable talking to them.

By the time that the area is lit only by the orange glow coming from the several cooking fires and the large bonfire everyone is centered around, you're already stumbling over your feet with a half-drank bottle of some liquor you didn't bring, and you're not even sure where you got it.

Rafe has been trying to keep an eye on you from a distance, but now he's lost you. He's drunk himself, so he's not overly concerned, but he would just at least like to know where you were. He looks around frantically, trying to keep his cool as the boys around him are laughing about something he didn't care to pay attention to. His eyes land on some figures out in the lake, and he squints to see if he can make out the shape of your hair in the dark. He takes a few steps away to get a closer look, hearing you laughing and shouting over the music coming from an on shore speaker. He walks down to the shore with a smug look on his face, polishing off his beer when he looks down and notices piles of clothes on the shore. Are you naked?

"Hey, Y/N!" Rafe shouts, waving to you in an attempt to grab your attention.

"Rafe!" You shout back, smile never fading as you push your wet hair out of your face. With the liquor warming you, the water feels amazing and so soft on your skin. "Come out here! Come join us!"

Rafe sighs as he finds your stuff, relieved to find only your shirt, shorts, and bra. At least you weren't fully naked in front of all these strangers. He strips of everything but his boxers and grabs your bra, wading out into the cool lake water to you and your friends as they cheer and laugh.

"Rafe! Where have you been?" You giggle, throwing your arms over his shoulders once he gets close enough for you to reach.

"I've been around- apparently I should have been babysitting you ladies." He chuckles, trying to hide any frustration in his tone as he avoids looking at your friends who are just as well clothed as you are. "Put this on, at least." He adds, pulling away from you and handing you the article of clothing, crossing his arms to watch you put it on despite his better judgement.

"Hey! Girls! Come on in, we're going to play chandelier!" One of the guys Rafe had the pleasure of talking to for the last couple hours shouts, and quickly everyone makes their way in to shore.

"Y/N, hey, we don't want you to get sick. Come warm up." Rafe turns his head as he gets his shirt back on, watching as one of the other guys, Jesse, is quickly wrapping you in a small blanket and guiding you up to the bonfire with a hand on your lower back. He scowls at the two of you behind your back, following as he urges you up the small hill and towards the large fire pit ahead.

You walk side by side with the boy, until you can feel the warmth of the flames on your skin where you stop and stand to dry off both your skin and what little clothing you have on. You don't know you're shivering until Jesse is tugging on the blanket around your shoulders. "Here, let me help you warm up.." He chuckles, wrapping his arms around you from behind and draping the blanket over both of you.

"Oh, thanks, Jesse." You say, teeth chattering from the soft breeze. You lean back into him, swaying from the alcohol still in your system and he steadies you.

"Anytime, sweetheart." He mumbles, pressing his lips to the back of your head.

You are well aware of his hands wandering, fiddling with the waistband of your underwear as you have your arms crossed tightly over your chest. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as you gaze across the fire and your eyes land on Rafe, who's staring at you intently.

You smile and wave at him, but he just rolls his eyes in response and looks away. Is he upset with you for ditching him? In hindsight it wasn't very nice, even if that is the kind of relationship you normally have. If it was you you'd be upset- he didn't know anyone, and he was left to fend for himself, granted; he was clearly fine.

"Hey, Ashley?" You find yourself calling over to your other friend, but she doesn't hear you as your eyes well up with tears. Why do you feel so bad right now? Does Rafe being upset with you really bother you that much? You've hardly felt like this before.

"Ashley?" You ask again, but she hardly glances at you as she's got another boy draped over her shoulder- one who is definitely not the girls boyfriend.

"You okay?" Jesse asks, leaning his head over your shoulder to get a better look at you.

"Uhm, yeah, I just have to go to the bathroom and I was hoping she would come with me." You explain, watching Rafe again as he buries himself in conversation with the two girls standing next to him.

"I'll take you." Jesse offers. "Come on, I won't watch. Swear." He says, already guiding you away and tossing the blanket back to his friend.

You glance back at Rafe over your shoulder as Jesse walks you off into the dark. Just as you look forward again to try and watch your step, Jesse's hand is smacking your butt playfully, making you jump. You laugh it off and give him a shove, but he's grabbing your hand and pulling you in the direction of his truck.

The swing of Jesse's arm to where his hand hit your exposed skin drew Rafe's attention again fully, and he furrows his brow as he watches you stumble away. You were sharing a tent with him and you were really about to hook up with that mainland loser? He quickly downs the rest of his beer and storms after you, fists clenched at his sides after discarding the bottle on a nearby pong table.

"Hey!" Rafe shouts, making the two of you turn just as Jesse backs you up against the side of his truck and starts kissing down your neck. You're confused, but not one to turn down an opportunity like this- especially when you never have to see him again. As soon as Jesse turns his head, though, it's snapped back again with the contact of Rafe's fist into his nose.

He groans and quickly brings his hands up to his face, tipping his head back as blood pours from between his fingers. You gasp, reaching out for him but hesitating, not sure what to do.

"You think you can hook up with any girl who accepts a blanket from you when she's cold? She came here with me." Rafe spits, and you feel your features pull into an expression of anger as you quickly step towards him and shove him back. "What?"

"Come on." You mutter, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the now bleeding boy. "What the fuck was that about?" You ask, storming back to where your shared tent was in the corner. "Do you think you have some stupid claim over me just because you drove me here?"

Rafe rolls his eyes, stopping with you next to the tent as you drop his arm and turn to face him. "He was taking advantage of you!"

You scoff, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "No, Rafe. He wasn't. Did you ever consider that maybe I wanted that?"

"Whatever, Y/N- don't act like you weren't eyeing me up for the whole drive here."

"Oh. My. God." You find yourself laughing suddenly, realizing what this is about. "You were jealous."

"What? No I wasn't." Rafe replies defensively.

You smile at him cockily, tilting your head and waiting for him to spiral on it.

"I wasn't! I tried to help. That's what I get, I guess!" Rafe throws his hands up.

"And here I was thinking you were mad at me for ditching you. Turns out you were just horny." You smirk, knowing you were just pushing his buttons this time for fun.

"Oh, fuck off, Y/N, you're just trying to piss me off now for fun."

"You're not denying it." You shrug, looking back over to the fire for a moment, seeing Jesse sitting there with paper towel pressed to his nose and a few girls surrounding him.

"You're making it difficult not to be when you’re walking around like that.” He replies, smirking as he looks you up and down.

“Don’t be gross, Rafe.” You smile, dropping your arms from they were crossed over your chest.

He takes a step closer at that, delicately placing his hands on your hips. “You love it, Y/N/N, you know you do.”

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie , @whore-4-drewstarkey , @slut4drudy , @winterrrnight , @totalswag , @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron , @urfaveluvr , @chenslucy , @hxnnah-397 , @s-we-e-t-t-ea , @tahliac11 , @ragingsammie , @ietss, @dee127

Time after time | R.C

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: When your boyfriend ditches you on the night of senior prom you end up running into the last person you would ever expect to see, Rafe Cameron, your best friends older brother who you haven't seen since he left for college three years ago…

Originally posted: 06/05/2023

Series Masterlist | Part two (coming Saturday)

_________

The sidewalk was cold, hard and uncomfortable to sit on but you barely felt it, too consumed by the swirl of unrelenting emotions threatening to overtake you. It was supposed to be the best - the most magical night of your life but instead it had been one long disaster.

Salty tears stung your eyes and made your phone screen blurry as you read the text response from your mom “sorry sweetie, I had to cover someone’s shift, can you get a ride home with Sarah?”

You swallowed and the action felt like glass in your throat “sure” you text back “see you later” as you thought about the fact that Sarah had already left, speeding off in Topper's shiny jeep with a smile brighter than the stars. 

She was happy, her prom had been perfect. Her date had shown up, bought her a corsage, danced with her all night long, all things that you couldn’t say had happened to you. And though you’d tried to have fun dancing with your friends the night had been ruined before it even began with your boyfriend's words swirling through your brain “Listen I just have better things to do than going to a stupid high school prom okay? I'll make it up to you.” 

That was what you got for dating a college guy… ”stupid high school prom” but it hadn’t felt stupid to you, you’d been dreaming of this day for what felt like your whole life. You had a binder full of dress ideas before you’d even finished middle school and dreams in your head about the perfect night with the perfect date. Josh had seemed like that guy, tall, a little older, handsome and sweet (only when he wanted something, your mind supplied in hindsight) but he’d ditched you after promising he’d be there and he hadn’t even bothered to tell you until the day of. 

A burst of anger swept through you knocking the air from your lungs and you swiped the tears from your cheeks as you unblocked your phone, pulling up his contact and hitting “block”. He’d known what this night meant to you and if he wanted to put a stupid frat party over you then you were done. 

You felt a strange mixture of sadness and relief as you saw his contact flash away, the delete button pressed. You realised that he’d never really been the dream boyfriend you’d wished that he was, that you were better off without him but it didn’t take the hurt away…the knowledge that you’d never get a do over for this night.

You stood up from the sidewalk, unhooking your heels and tying the straps around your wrist - if you were going to walk home you might as well do it semi comfortably. The concrete was cold under your toes and goosebumps flecked your arms with the breeze, it was an unseasonably cold day in the outer banks and you felt like it was just yet another slight the universe was throwing at you that you had to walk home, freezing in your dress. The perfectly miserable end to the perfectly miserable night. 

The walk was long but the streets were empty, everyone locked away neatly in their houses sleeping happily or basking in the afterglow of post prom parties. It seemed like you really were the only one left and the darkness seemed extra vast for it, the orange street lamps luminance making everything look a shade more eerie. But then you heard the roar of an engine and you crossed your arms over your chest protectively, pointedly not looking its way, hoping it would pass you by quickly. 

But the vehicle didn’t speed ahead, it slowed down and eventually you were forced to turn to the side to see that the bike had stopped beside you and the driver turned your way, removing his helmet. 

Your heart sped up and skipped a beat, was this day really so terrible that on top of everything else you were about to get kidnapped too? You were completely and utterly alone on the dark side street and you wondered if running would make any difference to your fate but then the helmet was off and your eyes went wide, mouth gasping as you realised who it was. 

“Rafe Cameron?” you asked, he looked different, more muscular, older, sexier your mind supplied. Though you weren’t sure why that shocked you. After all it had been almost three years since he’d gone off to college and you’d last seen him. 

The corners of his mouth turned up in a grin, his own eyes widening and flicking up and down your frame appreciatively. Your cheeks heated up and you turned away from his striking eyes. 

“Y/N L/N? Is that you?” he asked the slight edge of disbelief in his voice “what are you doing here?”

Your eyebrow quirked up, amused at his question “well I live in the obx…it’s not unheard of for me to walk down the street you know, question is what are you doing here?”

You knew from Sarah that Rafe didn’t come home often, mostly only when he was obligated to like at holidays and even then his presence wasn’t guaranteed. 

He shrugged “would you believe it if I said that I was homesick?” 

“Not really.”

“Fair enough.”

There was silence for a beat and then you blurted out “you look good by the way, really good” your eyes went wide as you realised what you’d just said out loud “I-I just mean college suits you…you look healthy. ”

You cringed internally at your choice of words, healthy? Seriously? Exchange a few sentences with him and suddenly you were back to the stuttering, blushing sixteen year old fawning over her best friend's older brother and ‘heartbroken’ when he left for college. Even the memory of it made you cringe.

“Healthy?” Rafe repeated a teasing smirk pulling at his lips as he seemingly knew what you had really meant.

You swallowed quickly “yeah…”

He laughed, the mirth reaching his eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a little bit too.

“Well you look hot .”

Your cheeks flamed and he grinned “ smoking hot…what happened to my little sister's annoying best friend?” 

You looked down at the tires of his bike trying not to let him see your smile “you left…she grew up…that’s how time works you know.”

“Really? Thanks for the lesson…hope she didn’t forget about me though…”

“Oh she didn’t think of you once” you said, flashing him a teasing smirk your conscience laughing at the blatant lie…he had crossed your mind more than a few times over the past 3 years…the fact you checked his long abandoned facebook every couple of months was proof of that, but it wasn’t something that he needed to know. 

He threw a hand over his heart “ahh still annoying I see but you wound me.”

“So you thought about me then?”

“Everyday and night, ace.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the long forgotten nickname from childhood (a relic of your slight obsession with the pet detective movies) and you looked down coyly “oh I believe you, bet you have a shrine to me in your dorm don’t you?”

He stuck his tongue in his cheek to stop his laugh and nodded seriously “with candles.”

You giggled “you’re an ass Rafe Cameron.”

“And you’re a dork Y/N L/N.”

There was another, more comfortable pause of silence until Rafe interrupted, repeating his question from earlier.

“So what are you doing here?”

You shrugged “walking home, my moms got the car.”

He frowned “it’s prom night though.”

“So?”

“Well shouldn’t you be off having fun at an after party, sucking face with your date or whatever people do after prom? I know it's been a while since I was in high school but I'm pretty sure people don’t just go home alone.” 

You sighed “I just…didn’t feel like it I guess.” 

He crossed his arms over his chest and your eyes instinctively followed the movement of his muscles flexing against his white t-shirt.

“I don’t buy it” he shook his head slowly “you are the same girl who would dress up in a disney princess dress and decorate the living room to watch prom movies all weekend, right?”

You pressed your hands to your face groaning “ oh my god …yes that was me but I would like to remind you that i'm not nine anymore, thank you very much. I can’t believe you remember that.”

He laughed “Are you kidding? Of course I do, you and Sarah monopolised the tv every weekend I could never watch monster truck racing.” 

“Oh the horror” you said sarcastically.

 “No but seriously what happened, why are you all alone?”

Your heart sped up a little “nothing” you lied but you couldn’t look him in the eye. 

“C’mon” he urged you “it’s me , you can tell me.”

You sighed and turned your head away acting like watching a sparrow hopping across a telephone wire was the most interesting thing to look at. 

“y/n…this is prom , it isn’t right that you’re just going home. Where’s Williams?” 

You turned to him with surprise, you didn’t realise he knew the name of your boyfriend, but you shrugged it off thinking that Sarah must have told him. 

“He didn’t come.”

Rafe’s eyebrows shot up “ what ? Your boyfriend didn’t come to prom how -”

You cut him off, wincing at the word boyfriend “ex actually.”

“Since when?”

You shrugged again, holding up your phone “since I blocked him about 20 minutes ago?”

Rafe’s eyebrows shot up so far they practically reached his hairline and he leaned against his bike with a look of confusion and shock “listen ace, you’re gonna have to give me a little more, what happened?”

You deflated with a heavy sigh you didn’t want to hash it back out, you already felt stupid for feeling so upset in the first place over prom and you didn’t want Rafe to see that too.  “Why does it matter?” you asked dejectedly.

“Because” Rafe said, “if i'm gonna put him in the hospital anyway i'd like to at least be able to give an explanation to the cops.”

Before you could help yourself you were laughing, pressing a hand to your lips to stifle the giggles when you saw he was deadly serious, leaning against his bike with a look of fury and righteousness on your behalf. 

“You can’t beat him up Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Assault is kind of illegal just in case you weren’t aware” you teased and he rolled his eyes. 

“I'd still do it for you.”

You smiled, looking down at your shoes as you said softly “I know.” 

Before you could register the movement he’d stepped closer and you felt the blood rush to your cheeks as you registered the enticing scent of his cologne and his fingertips briefly  brushed your skin as he reached out to tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind your ears. 

“Ace” he said gently and you looked up momentarily stunned by just how blue the shade of his eyes were, like the ocean bathed in the glow of the moon “c’mon it's me, tell me what happened.”

Just like that your walls crumbled and before you could stop them the words were tumbling from your lips, tripping over one another as they rushed out “he ditched me…he promised that he’d come and then he text me 20 minutes before he was supposed to get here that he wasn’t coming, he didn’t wanna miss party of the year in his stupid frat or whatever and I guess I just feel so stupid for trusting him…for letting him ruin everything and…”

You had more to say but the words clogged in your throat, lips choking on them until all that came out was a sob as your eyes filled with hot tears and you didn’t have a second to feel mortified that you were crying in front of Rafe Cameron, Rafe Cameron who you’d loved since the moment you’d set eyes on him, because he reached out and folded you into his arms and you instinctively leaned into his embrace. 

He smelt like cedarwood and pine and the faint scent of the leather jacket that he'd worn earlier but most of all he smelt like home. Like fresh laundry and hugs that took your breath and your fears away. “It's okay” he murmured, stroking a large hand through your hair and you felt the pins keeping the style in place fall out the locks tumbling over your shoulders and making you feel surprisingly free and for a half a second you laughed wondering what mini you and mini Rafe would have made of the two of you actually getting on for once. 

“I'm sorry” you murmured, mortified by the tears, and if you were being honest a tiny bit of mascara, staining his white t-shirt but he just shook his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for ace.”

You groaned, hiding your face in the comfort of his chest. “I do, I'm being so pathetic…it’s just a stupid high school dance.” 

He pulled you away from his chest but kept the contact, his arms warm and firm on your shoulders as he made you look at him and the sincerity on his face. 

“You are not pathetic” he said and when you shook your head he gripped your shoulders harder “no listen to me you’re not, he’s the pathetic one because he could have been spending his night with a beautiful, smart, funny girl and instead he gave all that up.”

You tried your hardest not to blush, his words filling you with warmth but making you shy at the same time. “And if you won’t let me kick his ass will you at least compromise and let me run him over with my car?”

You snorted and then nodded slowly “okay but you have to call the ambulance afterwards.”

He grinned and reached out to shake your hand “deal.”

He bumped his shoulder against yours, his eyes sparkling against the darkness of the night “there’s that pretty smile.”

“Shut up” you mumbled, flushing, and he grinned harder. 

Suddenly he was pulling away and before you register what he was doing he’d grabbed his leather jacket from where it was slung around the handlebars and wrapped it carefully around your shoulders and you smiled at him grateful that he’d noticed you were cold. 

His jacket was soft and best of all it smelt like him and you couldn’t stop yourself from closing your eyes and enjoying that comforting smell if you’d tried. 

“Hey daydreamer” his shout pulled you from your reverie and you saw he’d kickstarted the engine on the bike “c’mon i'll give you a ride.”

Your eyes went wide and he smirked “on that ?”

“you scared?” he taunted lightly “what you don’t think you could handle a bike, ace?”

“Are you challenging me Rafe Cameron?”

He shrugged “maybe” and you grinned.

“Oh fuck it” you said as you swung a leg over the bike and he positioned your arms so that they were wrapped tightly around his waist.

“Don’t forget to hold on” he called out and then suddenly you were flying….

Or at least it felt like you were flying, you’d never been on a motorbike before and you quickly discovered that it was fun, the wind rushed around you like you were a speeding bullet and the trees shading the coast blurred into dark green shapes. It was thrilling and fast and you buried your face into Rafe’s back resisting the urge to whoop like you were on a rollercoaster. 

“You missed the turn in for my street!” you shouted after a while and you felt rather than heard his laughter. 

“I never said I was taking you home ace, the night is still young.”

And you thought that maybe this tragic, horrible, miserable night might not end as such a tragedy after all.

holy matrimony part one: homecoming

series summary: Rafe and Y/N were the most envied couple of the Outer Banks- until they weren’t. When she comes back from college engaged to a man she’s known for less than six months, Rafe knows something isn’t right. With a summer full of wedding planning and Figure Eight events, will he be able to figure out a way to get her back, or will he have to watch the love of his life marry someone else?

a/n: ahhh i’m so excited but so nervous for this!! i love the idea of the series so far and may or may not already have the first 3 parts written. please let me know what you think about. it starts off kinda slow but is definitely going to pick up in the next 2 parts

warnings: swearing

word count: 2.5k

-

“Hey, I have a question,” Rafe whispered softly, his fingers tracing shapes on your back.

“I might have an answer,” you replied, resting your chin on his chest to look up at him. The soft hues of orange from the sunset were casting a warm glow on his face, making him look more beautiful than you thought possible.

“Will you marry me?” he asked and smirked as you rolled your eyes and scoffed.

“Rafe, I’m 17,” you explained as if he had forgotten your ages. “I don’t think my dad would be crazy about giving you his blessing when we haven’t even graduated high school.”

“Not right now, baby,” Rafe shook his head and ran his fingers through your hair. “One day, though. Besides, you didn’t say no.”

“No, I guess I didn’t.” A blush crept its way onto your cheeks as you nodded and smiled. You held up your pinky finger, teeth catching your bottom lip between them. “Til death do us part?”

Without hesitation, he wrapped his pinky around yours and pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles. “Til death do us part.”

Keep reading

I LITERALLY SCREAMED AND CREAMED READING THIS

drew smut based on the song stargirl interlude where the lyric says

“I had a vision. A vision of my nails in the kitchen. Scratching counter tops, I was screaming. My back arched like a cat. My position couldn't stop, you were hitting it. And I shouldn't cry, but I love it, star boy”

Stargirl interlude (r66dus’ version)

Drew Starkey x fem reader smut

Masterlist

A/n: there’s another version of a standing smut like this but I’m scared to actually write it and post it cause it might get dirtyyyyyyy yet loving?😟

Warnings: protected p in v, profanities, pet names, praise and 💦

Word count: 2k

Drew filming in Italy during the spring, had been a blessing for the both of you as a couple, since you got to vacation before you were due to start filming Season 3 of Outer Banks while your boyfriend got to be Daniel Craig’s costar. As great as it had been, it was quite lonely during the day when Drew was working but he made sure to make every night special. Tonight that included a romantic dinner at a nice little restaurant while wearing a black silk yet casual mid-length dress he bought for you, no fans spotted the two of you so it had been perfect to say the least and as you both glanced lustfully to the other, you knew that the night had just begun. 

You entered the apartment that had been given to him, barefoot while he carried your heels which he quickly abandoned at the door after closing it. You were both a little wine drunk, eyes fully clouded by desire as you turned to look at him. Drew approached you, hands on your hips and lips on your neck as he walked you back to the kitchen island until you hit a barstool making you both chuckle drunkenly before he moved it aside, the small of your back hit now the edge of the kitchen island while his body caged you against it. He kissed your lips messily and bit them to make you succumb to him, your sheer lipstick now long gone and forgotten as your hands roamed aimlessly over his broad back but his, knew well where they were meant to be.

His right hand slid over the swell of your ass to reach your thigh, bringing your left leg to his waist. Once there, his fingers carefully slid under your dress and slowly but surely neared the place where you needed him most, such an awaited moment that felt like torture yet your body was willing to suffer the heat of his touch, your heart pounded loudly against his chest and just when you thought the torture would end, a phone rang.

He groaned “Just ignore it” 

His lips now marked your neck while his thumb soothed some of the ache at the apex of your inner thighs, heat radiating off of it, a fire hard to ignore. Your fingertips ran through his hair as you kissed drunkenly and messily, your hearts pounding so fast that their sound almost drowned the incessant ringing of a phone that you ignored for as long as you could until you forcefully parted from each other, somehow knowing that it wouldn’t stop anytime soon although actually stepping away from the position you were in felt impossible. You rested your head on his shoulder as you huffed. Drew slowly and sadly tapped the outside of your thigh, silently telling you to lower your leg and causing you to groan, almost as if you had been seconds away from touching the stars.

“Is it mine?” you asked.

“It could be mine, though. They told me I might get a call but it's almost 11pm” he explained as he looked for his phone on every surface he passed by upon entry, a phone he soon enough found and showed you from afar, confirming that it wasn’t his that was ringing. Sighing, you walked to your discarded purse and pulled out your phone.

“It’s JD” you said before accepting the call “Hello?”

“Oh, thank god you answered!” he exclaimed over the phone. You then settled against the kitchen island, forearms on the counter and phone on it, on speaker.

“What’s going on JD?” you asked tiredly as Drew came up to stand behind you to listen in on the conversation or perhaps to cause it to end as soon as possible. You could feel his body heat just behind you, he stood tall, possessively, with hands on either side of you caging you in. 

“Are you okay? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day! And don’t even get me started with Drew— would you check if he actually knows how to work his phone, reply to texts and actually press send?” he expressed, clear stress could be heard in his voice.

You chuckled “He can hear you”

“Good”

“Hey JD. What’s going on, man?” Drew replied.

“Long story short, we were at dinner last night, there was an argument between Elaine, Moriah, Rudy and Madison and they’ve unfollowed each other on social media and I don’t know what to do! It would’ve been great for Y/n to be here to talk some sense into all of them”

JD waited as the line went completely silent on your end, you began getting lost in the way Drew’s lips kissed your neck and how his hands pulled you back towards him, your breathing hitching at every touch of his hands over your burning and over-sensitive skin as he breathed in your smell, his nose tickling your exposed neck while you bit your lower lip, trying hard not to make a sound when your body begged you to vocalize the pleasure.

“Y/n, you there?” JD called into the quietness.

Your eyes snapped open at the sudden sound “Yeah, yup! Mhm, I’m here. I hear you”

“This European connection is not doing it for me” he complained while going on a rant explaining a bit more what had happened at the dinner yet you heard nothing, just an echo of deafening silence that your heavy and shallow breathing overpowered greatly. Drew’s steady hands traced the bare and soft skin of your thigh, riding up your dress until he successfully hooked one finger on your underwear and pulled it down until it reached your feet. You stepped out of it all while his other hand hooked another finger on one strap of your dress and pulled it off your shoulder slightly, pressing a kiss there.

The hand under your dress neared your core dangerously, causing you to arch your back until your ass met his front, he groaned, your breathing yet quiet, accelerated in anticipation.

“So, can you please!” JD begged “talk to at least Madison and Rudy?” And waited cluelessly as the line went dead silent again.

“What was he talking about?” Drew whispered in your ear.

“I don’t know. I thought you were listening”

“I thought you were!”

“With your hand down there?” you questioned as if the distraction wasn’t obvious enough “Shit–” You hesitated in your speech, whether it was from the wine or from the current scene, something needed to be said “Uh, JD? To be completely honest, i’m slightly wine drunk right now and i can’t really think”

“Or stand straight” Drew teased, a confession that sounded innocent enough over the phone and across oceans.

He cursed “Oh shit, i forgot about the time difference”

“Yeah uh, i’ll call them once i can form coherent thoughts and i'll let you know how that went”

“That’d be awesome, thank y–”

“Okay, bye!” you interrupted, quickly ending the call.

“Do you want to go to the bedroom?” Drew asked, his lips ghosting over your ear again.

“No just…just touch me before my knees give out” you breathed as you looked inside your purse for a condom while he unbuckled his pants. You handed him the condom and waited as he pumped himself, the air filled with impatience and lust, heavy enough to begin clouding surfaces.

Drew pulled up the bottom of your dress until your behind was exposed, alining himself to you.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look in this dress?” he asked in a husky tone, his tip grazing your entrance making your breathing struggle in your lungs.

“Yeah—fuck…” you whimpered as he carefully slid in. The pressure and uncomfort soon fading once your walls perfectly accommodated to him “Yeah, yeah you have” you breathed, an open mouthed moan escaping your lips once he bottomed you out.

His left arm held your hip as the other reached for the stool closest to you to set it to your right, your back shivered against his chest as your eyelids became heavy. 

“Right foot on the footrest, beautiful” he commanded and you were quick to oblige.

His right arm now rested over your lower abdomen keeping you close as he prepared to thrust in.

“Is that why you won’t take it off?” you asked wantonly, your head resting on his shoulder.

“That’s exactly why” he smiled looking down at you in that gorgeous dress, his hands soothing your warm skin as you playfully wiggled your body back into him 

“You ready?” he asked.

You nodded, finally bending forward comfortably, your palms to the kitchen island once he began thrusting in slowly.

“Fuck” you breathed with closed eyes. The way he slid in so perfectly made the both of you dizzy, the overwhelming need to chase the blissful culmination of sex soon took over as he began thrusting in deeper, faster. The sound of colliding skin, filled the small apartment and your moans only fueled Drew’s need to make you climax.

“That’s my girl” he smiled as he pounded mercilessly into you. Your back arched as that of a cat while your eyes became watery, mumbling profanities under your breath as your nails scratched the wooden countertops.

You gasped when his hands pushed your body back with each trust, biting your lips to keep quiet soon became purposeless “Ahh shit, fuck!!—” you whined loudly, your legs beginning to shake on their own accord “I’m cumming, fuck! Oh my god!”

Drew smiled pleasantly at the obnoxious sound the collision of your bodies made, his hand immediately landed on your clit causing your screams of his name to become impossibly louder.

“Fuck yeah! Oh my fucking god!” you cursed as you unknowingly squeezed him in.

“Fuck!” he whimpered “it’s happening again, isn't it?

You offered him a lazy nod of your head as you whined holding onto the hand that was pleasuring you “You’re gonna–oh my god Drew! uhh! Shit this is too much, I can't take it!”

Drew shook his head with an upwards twitch of his lips while shushing you, his hands and pounding never stopping “You’ve done it before and you do it so well, huh? You know you do”

“Fuck! Uhh!”

“That’s it…just listen to my voice—What were you saying, pretty girl?” he cooed.

“I can’t feel my legs–” you whined, your head low as one hand braced the fast thrusts against the edge of the countertop.

“I got you, baby…i'm right here” he assured with an ever present shake of his voice as he twitched inside you. 

“You’re gonna fucking make me squirt” you cried out, forcefully closing your eyes while every whimper sounded like a beg for more.

And just as you voiced it, it became your reality. Drew reached his climax as your legs shook and clear liquid coated your inner thighs. You stayed bent over the table breathing rapidly as you both waited perplexed for the seemingly incessant shake of your legs to end, Drew held you by the hips, drawing slow circles to try calming you down all while trying to stay present in the moment. 

“You okay?” he breathed shakily.

You nodded with a soft hum, propping yourself up on the table until you could rest your back against his chest that heaved the same way yours did. You slowly lowered your wobbly leg from the footrest of the stool, signaling the end of the drunken tango but still, one of his hands held its position at your hip and the other caressed your cheek lovingly, his lips kissed your temple making you smile lazily and almost forget about the position your were still in, yet intimate and nearly sinful, it wasn’t the most optimal.

“We’re drunk…tired and in need of a shower–” you spoke languidly, once you heard him hum, you continued “but i’m still gonna ask you to carry me to bed, gimme like ten minutes and then you can redo whatever that was”

He nodded with a low chuckle, his hands soothing your arms “Dress stays on?”

You chuckled “Dress stays on” 

convalescence — pt. 6 — you are my home: vol. two

↳PAIRING: frat!rafe cameron x fem!!reader

↳SUMMARY: after getting rafe home, you experience both sadness + bliss simultaneously.

↳WARNINGS: [5.0k] 18+, mature themes, THIS CHAPTER HAS SMUT AT THE END; creampie, riding - cowgirl style, mentions of the word good girl, emotional sex, electric love making, medical lingo, violence, hurt/comfort, mentions of an accident, major trauma and injuries, scared reader, angst, comfort, soft!rafe, anxiety, ptsd, heartbreak, childhood best friends to lovers, mentions of surgery, comforting rafe, mentions of nostalgia, court proceedings, mentions of sexual assault, eventual smut, etc.

↳A/N: this is a repost from my old blog @tee-swizzle. all of my works are being reposted to this one + the previous blog has been deactivated. moodboard by: @wildflwrdarlin

The ride to your apartment is mostly silent save for Rafe’s grunts and grimace’s each time Ward does his best to avoid the potholes in the asphalt, but fails miserably. Rafe can feel the grinding of the asphalt against the wheels of the car in between his ears, despite the pain medication you talked him into taking in an effort to make the short drive more tolerable. You look at him in the mirror from where you sit in the backseat and notice that he looks rather green and Ward’s guilt stricken eyes meet yours in the same reflection as he hits another and a burst of anger rumbles from the pits of his belly. 

“I’m so sorry, bud. I swear to God the governor is going to hear about this. This is ridiculous!”

Rafe’s pained giggle both warms you and cuts you into pieces simultaneously. 

“You hear that, sweet girl? He's gonna call the governor of the state because we were inconvenienced.” 

He mocked his father, laughing. You smiled at his antics. 

“It’s rather silly, isn’t it?” 

You chimed in, meeting wards eyes again in the mirror, throwing a wink his way. He smiled warmly in response. Knowing your wink meant “he’s laughing, let him have this” — and so he did. You’d missed the sweet symphony of his laugh. Your entire body’s new accustomed tensed nature seemed to deflate at the sound. Ward took notice of it, smiling to himself at the realization that it was a super power only his sweet son seemed to possess. Long gone were Rafe's days of sadness and addiction at the wake of his mother’s death. Instead, his psyche had healed and he’d become the man that he always hoped he would; a man you deserved. He gripped Rafe’s thigh in an effort to brace him as the car in front of them came to a dead stop, slamming on its breaks. Ward’s attempts were futile, Rafe’s yelp the most disturbing sound he’d ever heard. 

“I know, buddy. I’m so sorry.” 

His apology was deeply embedded in his irises, as if it was his fault the moron in front of you didn’t know how to drive. 

“It’s okay, Ward. Let’s just get him home as fast and as safely as possible.” 

The emphasis in your words gutted him, but he knew you were right – that Rafe needed to be at home in the safety of your arms and your satin sheets. He watched as your hands wrapped around the seat in front of you, delicate fingers gracing the sun kissed skin of your boy. He melted under your grazing, fingertips sending a chill across his broken spine. 

“Just wait til’ I can get you home, pretty girl. Swear i’m gonna do ya s’right.” 

He said, seemingly not caring that his father was in front of you. Ward stifled back a laugh, assuming it had to be the numerous medications running through his veins. That’s the only thing that explains a statement so brazen. 

“Is that right? I think it’s the other way around, Cameron. I think I’m the one that’s got something special waiting just for you.” 

You said and Rafe’s sloppy, drunk, hazy smile did you in. You winked at Ward as his eyes met yours in the rearview mirror. He didn’t even know what it was that you had in store for Rafe, but he knew you had asked him to stay in a hotel for the night and he knew that you were an angel and you were going to take care of his boy like you always did. 

—

Actually getting Rafe into the apartment was harder than you had anticipated. He clung to you with a vice grip as he listened to your voice instructing him, his usual habit of watching his feet when he walks unable to be performed. It made you want to scream and cry right there when you watched him try to jerk his eyes downward. You didn’t understand how his hope hadn’t been viscerated yet but then you remembered he was Rafe – he was your Rafe – and he was always going to have even a tiny sliver of hope. You’d make sure of that. 

“Just listen to my voice, baby. Don’t try to look down, you’re gonna hurt your neck.” 

You instructed. 

“M’kay.”

He mumbled, as you continued to guide him through the foyer of your apartment. Ward stood closely behind, making sure you knew he was ready to lend a hand if you’d need it. His hands hovered around the two of you from behind like he had a supersonic beam protecting you from afar, molding you where you were in a bubble of safety. Ward had always been protective of the two of you. You did him in with your bright eyes and bouncing curls tied back into a bow the day his seven year old son came home holding your hand in his. He tells people he knew at that moment that he’d always protect you, but he knows that isn’t true. He knows that in that moment Rafe knew. But, he’s not sure which moment in which he knew that you were his new daughter, there’s far too many to name. Not many people meet their soulmate when they’re in the second grade, but he was so glad that you did. As you hone in on the couch, the promise of finally sitting makes Rafe ecstatic. He’s smiling despite the pain that’s written on his face when you pivot him and his back meets a very large pile of fluffy pillows. He’d always secretly cursed your ability to buy a new pillow for each holiday, but today he’s thankful as he relishes in the comfort of your decor addiction. You move back, Rafe’s hand still gripping your wrists, not yet wanting to let go. You marvel at the thought that he could be this hurt and still want nothing but your touch. 

“I need you to let me go so I can fix the pillows, sweet boy.” 

He grumbles at the mere notion of not touching you, which is extremely Rafe-centric and you seem to empathize with his antics instead of eliciting your normal giggle. 

“Do you have to?” 

He asks, bottom lip coming above his top one in his best attempt at a puppy pout. You’re sure he’ll start whimpering if you don’t give in to the dramatics now. Instead, you do what he usually does best – talk some sense into him. 

“I’m right here, baby. It would just make me feel less anxious if I know you’re comfortable and taken care of. Can you let me do that, please?” 

You lean down into his field of vision, his hands still gripping your wrists. He wonders how he could be so stupid, not to know how scared you still are. He can see it in your eyes as they scan his form, as they wonder if he’s real, if he’s still in front of you. Rafe’s never believed it when people say the eyes are the window to the soul, but he does now as he’s looking into yours and they look – sad. So, he puts his pout away and gives you his best smile. Sure, later, when things are less hectic and heavy, he will get you to talk to him about what happened to you. Because while he’s physically hurting, he knows the walls you’ve built up over the years will try to convince him that you’re mentally okay, that you’re not feeling an extension of his pain in your own body. But, he knows it's a lie – that’s the beauty of meeting your soulmate when you’re seven. 

“Okay, baby.” 

He replies, trying to nod again. Which, he knows the doctor told him is a no-no, but he can’t seem to help the way his body naturally responds to these situations, especially ones that you’re in with him. He can’t seem to break the habits or the sovereignty that these moments with you have over his life and he begins to wonder what would’ve happened had he not gotten another one. He watches you out of the corner of his eyes, his new favorite feat – because nothing can keep Rafe Cameron’s eyes off of you, not even the likes of a broken neck. Still, he watches as close as he can as your tan skin moves in sync with your hands, adjusting the pillows behind his head and back just the way the nurses had taught you. You took one pillow in particular and rolled it up before you put it behind his head in between his neck and the back side of his halo. They had instructed you that it would make him feel less like his head was floating, less like it was separated from his body. Naturally, anything that would provide him more comfort had become your forte, so you took their instructions and all they taught you very seriously, going as far as writing every meticulous instruction and detail in a notebook that you now kept on your person at all times. 

“How’s that?” 

You ask, your bright eyes searching his for any sign of discomfort. You let out a breath of relief as he presents you with a crooked, boyish smile. 

“It’s good, pretty girl. Can you come here already?” 

He asks and you grin cheekily, straddling his lap and plopping down gently. It feels good to touch him again and you marvel in it as you become hip to hip with the man you love. Your hands wrap around his biceps, who’ve not yet lost their muscle tone though you know it's coming. His brace doesn’t let you lay your head against the crook of his neck in the way you so desperately want to, so you settle with staring into his blue eyes. That is until someone clears their throat in awkward tension – that someone being Ward. 

“Oh, god! I’m sorry, Ward. I wasn’t thinking about you being here.” 

He starts laughing in response to your panicked tone as you quickly climb off of his son’s lap and scurry in front of him. You’re not sure why you’re stuttering over your own words or why you’re laced with fear at the notion that you did something you shouldn’t have in front of him. 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

You pleaded with him, wanting him to know that you were indeed sorry but his laughter catches you off guard and Rafe can hear you flick your gaze down to the floor like a puppy being scolded. He’d done his best to rid you of these habits that your father infiltrated your brain with, but some days were better than others and this wasn’t one of those days. 

“Dad.” 

Rafe growled, his tone warning and Ward’s eyes flicked to you, suddenly taking in the sight of your embarrassed, apologetic form. He crosses the wood flooring of your apartment quickly, his hands wrapping around your biceps. 

“Sweetheart – you’re fine. You are allowed to touch someone you’re about to marry no matter who’s watching, even if it’s my son. Okay? I’m giggling because you guys really had no idea I was here. You were so lost in each other. That’s a beautiful thing. I’m not upset. I promise.” 

You lifted your head as his sweet words, the tears you were about to let fall no longer clouding your vision. 

“Do you mean it?” 

You question. 

“Of course I do!” 

He giggles and it brings a smile back to your sweet face. 

“Now, I’m gonna leave for the night and let you two celebrate your engagement, okay? Just go easy on him. He’s going to be pouty once he realizes how much he can’t do in the next few days.” 

You nodded vigorously, throwing a wink his way and watching as he made his way into Rafe’s field of vision again, kneeling before him. 

“You take good care of our girl, m’kay buddy? I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He moves to get back into a full standing position but Rafe grabs his father’s wrist before he has the chance, catching him by surprise. 

“I love you, Dad.” 

He speaks into the air between them and Ward smiles, crouching down in front of him. 

“I love you more.” 

He says, placing a kiss to his son’s hand that was now resting in his own. He pats Rafe’s knee for good measure before standing and exiting your apartment. 

—

A short while after Ward left, you’d convinced him to let you change him into more comfortable clothes,which really wasn’t true. You just wanted him in clothes that felt and smelled like him, not ones that wreaked of antiseptic and the heaviness that had been over you since you saw him fall from the balcony. He knew you very well, so he obliged, his own skin feeling sticky and overstimulated from the hospital smell that lingered against him. He settled on letting you leave him shirtless and changing him into Nike socks and gray sweatpants. It was only after that that he convinced you to lay with him on the couch. Which is exactly where you’d found yourself waking from a nap close to four hours later. You were warm, that’s the first thought you had as you came back to consciousness, warm and safe. Which could only mean one thing – Rafe must be near. He was indeed near, your cheeks squished against his belly button as your body laid in between his long legs. You blinked your eyes open and your ears were assaulted by his soft snores. It made you smile. You laid there for a while, just listening to his even breaths, something you’d always been thankful for. But, now the overwhelming feeling of joy that laced through your veins at the mere sound of it left you dizzy. You’d never imagine fear would grip you as greatly as it had as you waited to hear about his status after his accident. You just knew you never wanted to feel that way ever again. Which prompted you not to move a muscle – simply basking in his afterglow, now that he’d danced with death and made it on the other side. His afterglow was yellow; daffodils and sunshine and so notably him. As you laid there with him, you couldn’t help but feel like you’d never seen color or him for that matter, until now. Maybe you hadn’t. 

After about thirty minutes of you admiring how beautiful he was as he lay there sleeping, Rafe stirred. You watched in ill stricken horror as he opened his eyes and his chest started heaving, forgetting in sleepy stupor what had happened to him. This was his new morning ritual, at least it had been for the last two weeks. The fear that laced his blue orbs was something that haunted you every time he looked this way. Because Rafe Cameron was a lot of things – but he’d never been scared before, not like he was in these fragments of time. You contemplated letting him come to reality on his own until his breathing became more frantic. That’s when you squeezed him tightly around his middle, careful not to jostle his injuries in any way. You felt the plaster of the cast on his wrist wrap around you as it caught the fabric of your t-shirt, lifting it slightly causing the hardened, once wet material to scrap your tummy. 

“Hey – you okay?”

You questioned, concern hidden in the octaves of your voice as you clung to your sweet boy like a sloth to a tree branch. 

“Yeah, I’m alright, baby. It’s weird, you know? It’s like sleeping makes me forget and then I wake up and I-I’m scared.” 

You roll over onto your tummy at the vulnerability he’s showing you. This is his first attempt at talking about his accident and the way it’s making him feel and you refuse to do anything else except listen intently and offer him your unconditional support. You moved your arms, crossing them underneath your chin on top of his belly as you peered up at him, intently listening. 

“What’s scaring you the most, baby?” 

You ask timidly, unsure if you really want to know the answer, still afraid that part of him blames you for – all of it. He must be able to read your thoughts because he squeezes you a little tighter and it makes your eyes wet. 

“Everytime I wake up, I c-can’t remember where you are o-or what happened. I can’t remember if I got to you before he hurt you a-and it’s so terrifying. I mean what am I supposed to do if there’s no you?” 

He replies, voice wavering as he starts to cry. You don’t think, you can’t think – you act; body lifting to straddle his lap and look him in the eyes. 

“Hey.” 

You speak softly, arms moving through the bars caging his head in to cup his cheeks. 

“I’m okay.” 

You speak again, smiling softly. His tears run streaks down his now flushed cheeks and his bottom lip wobbles. You haven’t seen him this innocent in years and flashes of the little boy you fell in love with are ever present in your brain. It makes your chest ache. 

“But, you almost weren’t and I-I can’t get his hands being on you out of my head, y/n. I’d die if anything happened to you. You know t-that right? I-I’d die.” 

He says matter of factly in between blubbering cries. 

“Nothing is ever gonna happen to me. I’m okay because you protected me like you always do.” 

You speak, bringing his hand to your heart, placing his palm flat against your breast. 

“Feel that?” 

You question, your eyelashes fluttering as you peer up at him from where you sat. 

“I don’t think feeling you up right now is gonna help much, pretty girl.” 

You roll your eyes in response to him and scoff violently. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Cameron. Take a deep breath and tell me what you feel.” 

You tell him and watch as he follows your instructions. 

“It’s – your heart.” 

He smiles and it’s a different one, it’s that of an excited child. It melts you in all the same ways his usual smiles do. 

“Yeah, baby. I’m still here. It’s still beating. You don’t have to be scared anymore.” 

You say into the air between you, reaching your head into his cage and kissing him as deeply as the brace will allow. He returns it with a small moan. 

—

There’s a sizzle, the sound of oil bubbling – then the sound of meat meeting a cast iron skillet. It’s amazing in two short weeks the heightened senses your sweet boy has come accustomed to. Like the sounds of his favorite meal being made, it’s something he finds himself grateful for. Yet, he’s even more grateful as he hears your hum. He’s zoned in on Olivia Benson in all her glory as she plays on the screen of your living room tv when he hears your feet softly padding across the linoleum floors. It’s funny really that this is your show – one you enjoy together and yet, he’s stuck in one position unable to move to look at you. It makes him angry and overstimulates his senses. He’s known who the criminal is since minute five and he’s bored, because he only enjoys reruns when you’re beside him, hands in his hair. He can see you there when he closes his eyes just long enough, your sweet smile in his peripheral vision. it’s so vivid; the way he can see you as he hears the movements you make – the scraping of a fork in oil as you retrieve the meat from the pan, the way you grimace and scowl as it burns your fingers even though you know that it’s hot. He can see you as you suck on your finger nursing the sting out of it. He thanks God that he still closes his eyes and sees you even when you’re not in front of him. He thanks God he doesn’t have to rely on the memory because he never wants to forget you like that. He never wants to forget you at all. 

“You sleepin’ silly goose? After I slaved over this food – I can’t believe it.” 

You say as you stand over him in mock exasperation. He can feel your shadow now looming over him. He grins softly and peeks one open, closing it quickly before you can see him. 

“It’s okay, baby. You sleep all you want to.” 

You reply, seemingly to yourself as you crouch, placing your hands on his chiseled cheeks, gently rubbing your thumb back and forth. 

“Such a softie.” 

He mutters, a sly grin ever present as he opens his eyes and giggles. 

“Not fair!” 

You pout, pulling away as you place your hands on his knees to aid you in getting up. He quickly has his hands on your wrists, preventing you from going anywhere as he giggles. 

“You tricked me!” 

You continue pouting as he pulls you onto his lap and you straddle him. 

“Not my fault, you just make it too easy, pretty girl.” 

You roll your eyes, dropping your head to his shoulder. His embrace is warm and all you want to do is hold him forever. You raise your head to look in his eyes and in them sits something you’ve never seen before – anguish and longing – looking like they go hand in hand. 

“What is it?” 

You ask, trepidation on your lips. 

“Just feeling really lucky is all.” 

Liar – you think to yourself as you reach your hand in between his bars, tapping his cheek gently before getting up to grab his dinner. 

“Where are you going, beautiful girl?” 

He asked. 

“I have a very hungry fiance to feed.”

You reply and he chuckles to himself. 

—

What feels like hours but is only moments later, he’s back to relying on the noises of your actions. The first one he hears he quickly identifies as scraping metal; the kind only created between a knife meeting a plate. This and the smell of his favorite seasoning told him that you’d made him a steak and you were more than likely cutting it into pieces small enough for him to be able to swallow. He internally purred at the thought – you cooking his favorite meal and chopping it up so he could chew it. His bliss is quickly taken away as he continues to hear the scraping; nausea over taking him. He’s not sure if it’s the screws in his head or not, but the sound is making him hurt and he feels like he needs to lay down. He does need to lay down. 

“Dream girl.” 

The words are not a question, they are a plea as they come out of his mouth and you’re quickly running into the living room, looking down at him as he closes his eyes. 

“Are you sick, baby?” 

You question, stupidly, cursing yourself for even speaking. You close your mouth quickly, rapidly running into the office that is just adjacent to where you are and grab the trash can that’s beneath the desk. You hit your head as you try to move at lightning speed from underneath the mahogany to return to your boy. 

“Shit!”

He hears you screech and he almost smiles – almost. He’s far too worse for wear currently to try to move even a centimeter. 

“Rafe, baby – can you open your eyes?” 

You question lightly, moving to wrangle him to the edge of the sofa cushion so that he can lean forward and vomit into the trash can if he needs to. 

“M’okay.” 

He mutters after what seems like hours. 

“Vertigo.” 

He says. You can do nothing but nod your head and before you know it, tears are clouding your vision. You wanted to treat him like the king that he was, sure that his favorite meal and a movie would put a smile on his face. 

“Come here, baby.” 

He says as you help him sit back into the couch cushion again. You look at him, unsure if you’ll hurt him, but longing for his touch more than you ever have. He doesn't look at you directly because, well – he can’t. But, he feels the force of your wobbling lip as he pats his hands against his thighs. So, you do what he asks – you crawl onto his lap, straddling him, yet again as he looks into your eyes. 

“What’s the matter?” 

He questions you, his uncasted hand reaching up to feel the warmth of your now flushed cheeks. His touch – it’s enough and the damn breaks; every ounce of emotion your body is holding inside is released in the form of water. 

“I-I don’t know what to do to make it better.” 

You squeal, sobs over taking you. Rafe is so shell shocked that he’s speechless. You look like a frustrated toddler, he notes; wondering how long you’ve been holding this in – how long the guilt has been eating at you. 

“It’s my fault! I did this to you!” 

You exclaim through tears and his eyes soften even more as he’s looking at you – beautifully, breathtaking, you. 

“Baby, this is not your fault.” 

His eyes are pleading when he says it, because he needs you to believe it. But he knows that deep down you don’t. He knows that he has to hold you until your cries quiet down and he does. He gathers you in his strong arms, which is all you really ever want in time like these, and he whispers soothing words into your ear as he pets your hair. He wants so badly to kiss the top of your head – marking it as another thing the brace has taken from him.

“Hey – sweet girl. I love you, you know that don’t you?” 

He asks after a while and he feels you nod your head yes against his chest. But, that’s not enough, he needs to show you. 

“Look at me, baby.” 

He commands softly and you oblige; locking eyes with him. He can see that you are longing for his touch but want to cower away, that your mind and body are in a balancing act of conflicting emotions. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You whisper. 

“You don’t have to be, don’t need to be sorry, dream girl. You haven’t done anything wrong. Do I need to show you that?” 

He asks, tucking your hair behind your ears. You can’t find the words as you take your bottom lip between your teeth. 

“Words, please.” 

He says, though he knows that your body language is giving him a resounding – yes, please do that. 

“Yes.” 

It’s a whisper – but a whisper is all he needs. 

“I’m gonna need you to help me, okay sweet girl? Can you do what you're told, angel?” 

You nod your head vigorously in response. 

“I know you can, cause you’re a good girl aren’t you?” 

He asks with a bit more dominance, though his tone is the softest you’ve ever heard it in the decade that you’ve been his. 

“Y-yeah – you think so?” 

The question surprises him but your doe eyes don’t. In fact, he relishes in your need for him and his praise. 

“You’re a good girl – my sweet girl.” 

He coos and your eyes twinkle at the praises as they enter your ears and make contact with your brain. He can see the moment they do and he’s thankful that you still react to him this way after so many years, especially while he looks like this. 

“Lift up for me and take it out.” 

He instructs and you oblige, sitting back on his knees and pulling his pants down his thighs just enough that neither one of you will make a mess all over them in a few minutes time. 

“Rafe – are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” 

There’s not a sight more beautiful in the world he’s convinced as he looks at you; doe eyes looking to him for further instruction. 

“I’m sure, sweetheart. You’re not gonna hurt me. I’ll just need you to do the work this time, okay?” 

You nod into a sweet smile, leaning in and kissing him deeper than you ever have before. His lips taste like mint and cinnamon, like they always do and by the time you’re needing air, your chest is heaving. You’re not sure what it is; maybe the idea that he was almost taken from you forever, but your skin is itching. It feels more like you’ve been struck by lightning and every time he touches you it only seems to get worse. There’s no need for foreplay this time, the kiss – his fucking kiss – does you in and you’re wetter than you’ve ever been in your life. There’s no time for pleasantries, so you do what comes natural to you, you rip your own clothes off and sink down onto him. 

“Holy shit!”

He groans and squeals simultaneously. 

“You okay?”

You ask, breathless before you’ve even uttered a thrust against him. 

“I’m perfect!” 

He groans again as you adjust to him. 

“Good.”

You grunt out and begin moving up and down slowly, which soon turns into a pace that neither of you have ever tried before. He basks in the beauty of you bouncing in front of him and for a moment he’s thankful that he can’t see below your tits as they bounce vigorously up and down in front of him. 

“God – you’re so wet baby.” 

He mutters breathlessly as he grips your hips. You’re doing something interesting, the curve of your hips as you move – it’s like you’re writing in cursive and it’s enough to send him over the edge. It does send him over the edge and you follow closely behind at the squeal of his name. 

“Rafey – I love you.” 

You whisper, resting your head against his chest as you come down from the electricity of it all. 

“I love you more, dream girl.” 

He whispers back. Suddenly, it feels less heavy and you’re thankful that you seem to have him, you really have him. He’s in your arms, he’s real and you’re never letting him out of your sight again. 

“Don’t ever leave me.” 

You whisper, after what seems like forever laying there, just as he’s fallen asleep under you. Though you know he never would, not voluntarily at least. 

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happy august