So Funny Moment From Dnd Today:

So funny moment from dnd today:

The party gets off a ship into the land of the forgotten and approaches a man with a clipboard who is keeping track of those entering the island

We introduce ourselves to the man and he marks 5 of our names with red x’s

The man: “this is the land of the forgotten where people go to be forgotten and where criminals are sent to be gotten rid of. Some of you should be more careful as people will want you gone either for a bounty, your past, or your race”

The man points at the human sorcerer(idk why), goliath cleric (cult leader and runaway slave), high elf warlock (stole an ancient artifact and follower of the aforementioned cult), the tiefling artificer [me] (teifling typically have a bad rep and, from what I’ve heard, it’s even worse in this campaign), and I forgot the 5th person

We proceed to get jumped by bounty hunters, a gun is to the goliaths head and a knife is to our eladrin fighters throat

Everyone panics

…understandably so

People are yelling trying to talk the bounty hunters out of killing people, people are debating running, nothing is getting done

Like 5 minutes into this chaos I ask to make a perception check which causes a cutscene that literally just fixes everything as a level 20 npc (a mentor character) points a shot gun at the bounty hunters and tells them they messed with the wrong people (he is a comrade of the eladrin fighter and both are war heroes)

This was the dms plan

We panicked for nothing

I have finally found it again!!!! I have a friend who wanted to see this

floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts floyd thoughts

floyb floyb floyb floyb FLOYB WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!

Fwb Floyd who keeps giving you little gifts, and everyone around you is telling you he's down bad. But Floyd's always giving people things. Sure, others aren't getting pretty gemstones or things that suit your tastes (most of which have been mentioned in passing and so it's obvious he's clearly remembering these things), but you're certain there's nothing special to it.

Fwb Floyd who always moves your legs to wrap around his waist when he's fucking you in missionary. >:D he presses the softest of kisses to your neck if it's one of those slow, gentle days, and other times he's outright ruthless as he marks you up, sinking his teeth in to bloody your collarbones.

Fwb Floyd who would come and go, mercurial as a weather forecast, but now he seems to linger. Asking you if you have any plans after he's just rearranged your guts. Offering to get you water or a snack if you're hungry. You think it's just part of his aftercare (and it is), but he also wants to stick around longer and spend more time with you.

Fwb Floyd who always toes the line of love but never goes any further than what's necessary. And if you suspect anything, he sabotages his chances. Sometimes the words sound meaner than he intends them to be, everything played off as a casual joke. You're so used to his idea of humor that you never believe or trust him anymore when he does things that feel more like a lover than that of your fwb.

Fwb Floyd who, after so long, finally gathers the courage to confess. But when he does, you laugh at him because you think he's joking. "Nice try, but you're not going to surprise me with that cliché line," you tell him, and Floyd dies inside because everything he said came right from his heart and you don't believe him. So he laughs alongside you even though it hurts.

Fwb Floyd who stays in this arrangement even though there's love growing in abundance in his chest and he's been having to stifle it for so long now. He's not sure if he'll ever confess. Maybe it's better to stay like this. At the very least, it keeps you happy and doesn't leave room for any weird tension should he try to confess again.

Fwb Floyd who tries to tell himself it's okay if the two of you drift apart after you graduate because it's normal for these sorts of relationships. They won't always last forever. But he longs to spend his life with you. At the very least, he can continue dreaming.

Me initially- so this oc is a weird sea creature that *goes on for hours about the origins of the characters species*

Me a month later- to complicated. Fuck it. Axolotl siren who’s gender is yes and can be a axolotl person or a siren at any time with no exceptions as to how!

Here they are

THIS MASTERPIECE MUST BE SEEN

Never ending cycle

Saving this for a friend

OMG going off on having sex in the fields with god!Floyd, what if he softly non-cons you >w< he’s been so disrespectful towards the god you’ve been worshipping your whole life (himself) and you don’t really like him because he isn’t being a good cult member!!

Maybe Floyd hears your inner thoughts about not liking him and hoping he ‘finds a way towards the righteous light’ when you’re praying to god!him after human/cultist!him loudly refuses to attend worship because it’s boring, so he decides to change your mind by forcing you to make love with him in the very field the cult worships him in!! AAAAAA

OMG OMG YES. OTL teasingly telling you he's sure your god won't mind if you're just a little messy on the holy grounds. <3 it's such a nice day as well. There's a soft breeze, a bright, blue sky filled with fluffy clouds, the sun is beaming, the wildflowers are all in bloom....... the statue the cult has created and raised in honor of Floyd casts such an ominous shadow over the two of you, a reminder that his eyes are always watching.

You beg him through tearful pleas to stop, that you can't defile these grounds or yourself. You're supposed to keep yourself pure for the day of your sacrifice. Your god won't want you if you've already been tainted. >_< Floyd laughs at that. If only his little Shrimpy knew.

Aaaaaa Floyd picking one of the flowers and tucking it behind your ear while he fucks you into the grass, slow and soft and sweet. You've always known your god to have dramatically shifting moods. Some days it storms fiercely; other days it's beautiful and sunny. You're not sure if he'll be very merciful when he learns you've given yourself (unwillingly and unknowingly) to one of your fellow cultists (the god you worship).

Trying and failing to mumble all manner of apologetic prayers to your god in hopes that he'll forgive you. You're just too cute. Floyd chuckles and presses a kiss to your mouth, mumbling, "I forgive ya."