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DnD Story: The Great Cat Massacre
Recently my Party consisting of a Human Fighter named Bloodedge Killwulf, a Human Sorcerer who pretends to be a Cleric and calls themselves Brother Campbell, a Dwarven Monk named Braion, a Elven Druid named Bruce who is disguised as the bear that I had rescued from the Party in the past (Only my character knows they are not actually a bear), and then finally my character an Human Life Cleric who serves under Helm named Aruna. (Yes I chose a Human, DM allowed Human Variant so I could take a feat early on at the cost of all the 1+ stats)
We were offered a job to look into the recent phenomenon of 3/4 of a major town either dropping dead or suddenly standing up and leaving behind all their possessions and family with no warning. Arriving at the town we see a GIANT cemetery, so naturally we walk over there to look for any sign of what is going on. At the cemetery we see an old cabin; My character walks up to it and knocks on the door multiply times each time getting louder. Until Aruna is certain there is no one inside. The party comes to the agreement to kick down the door with Aruna trying first and succeeding. Upon entering she is faced with 8 growling cats, however, Aruna loves animals and attempts to calm them down by feeding them the Bear jerky left over from the Bear Massacre and this also succeeds. Now Aruna has 8 very hungry and very friendly cats now eating the jerky Aruna had given them.
Now you may be asking yourself how does this story turn into a Cat Massacre is all the cats are friendly. Well this is when Bloodedge, Brother Campbell, and Braion walks in (Bruce can’t fit through the door). The cats seeing these new people start hissing at them, and Brother Campbell not having time to deal with the cats kicks the nearest cat to the side so he can start investigating the house. Except he rolls very well for both to hit and damage, and the DM had given the cats little health resulting in the cat being kicked so hard into the wall that it practically exploded. Seeing the cat die so easily Bloodedge and Braion join in on killing the cats. Aruna having rolled extremely low on initiative. Looked on in horror as 6 more cats are practically obliterated until it is her turn were she basically scoops up the remaining cat and shields it from the rest of the party.
But it doesn’t just end there. Oh no, this is when the old hard of hearing lady walks up the stairs and sees 7 of her cats DEAD and one in the arms of a stranger. She screams at Aruna to stop attacking her cats and when she goes to scream at Brother Campbell, the sly liar that he his with almost 18 Charisma. Lies to the old lady that he and the party was just trying to stop my character from killing the cats. Of course he rolls incredibly well and already having proficiency in deception and persuasion. She easily believed them and proceeded to watch as my party “arrested” Aruna. All the while she screamed that she was innocent and was actually trying to protect the old lady’s cats.
So- I'd like to talk about my dnd experience-
So- basically I played a half Bard half warlock i belive-
My instrument? A kazoo-
So- my charicters introduction was playing at a pub, and so- I was told to roll (and I was the first person to go) and got a NAT 20-
So- we have this beautiful scene of this Bard who constantly goes broke- playing the kazoo to a sobbing audience-
About to DM my first game of Dnd so here’s a collection of stories from my first ever Dnd game:
Me: Who I can’t wait for my first game this is going to be so much fun
…
me: EDWARD NO
Our pixie bard, Edward: I have to
Me: EDWARD IM ON THREE HEALTH
Edward: I cast thunder wave
Our DM: alright roll a constitution saving throw
Me: [fails throw]
Dm: alright you take 6 points of damage and fall unconscious
Me: I will not forget this
Edward: sure sure
About to DM my first game of Dnd so here’s a collection of stories from my first ever Dnd game:
Chef NPC: And what would you like, young lady?
Our sorcerer: Ahem-
Her friend sitting next to her IRL: [in a demonic voice] THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT
Her: a bagel
Friend: NOOOOOOOOO
Her: two bagels
About to DM my first game of Dnd so here’s a collection of stories from my first ever Dnd game:
So funny moment from dnd today:
The party gets off a ship into the land of the forgotten and approaches a man with a clipboard who is keeping track of those entering the island
We introduce ourselves to the man and he marks 5 of our names with red x’s
The man: “this is the land of the forgotten where people go to be forgotten and where criminals are sent to be gotten rid of. Some of you should be more careful as people will want you gone either for a bounty, your past, or your race”
The man points at the human sorcerer(idk why), goliath cleric (cult leader and runaway slave), high elf warlock (stole an ancient artifact and follower of the aforementioned cult), the tiefling artificer [me] (teifling typically have a bad rep and, from what I’ve heard, it’s even worse in this campaign), and I forgot the 5th person
We proceed to get jumped by bounty hunters, a gun is to the goliaths head and a knife is to our eladrin fighters throat
Everyone panics
…understandably so
People are yelling trying to talk the bounty hunters out of killing people, people are debating running, nothing is getting done
Like 5 minutes into this chaos I ask to make a perception check which causes a cutscene that literally just fixes everything as a level 20 npc (a mentor character) points a shot gun at the bounty hunters and tells them they messed with the wrong people (he is a comrade of the eladrin fighter and both are war heroes)
This was the dms plan
We panicked for nothing
My D&D group, more specifically a friend, my mom, and I, gaslighted a zombie into decapitating itself by accident. My mom’s character is Shozbot, a blue dragonborn druid. My friend is the DM. My character is Spider, a kobold rogue. This is more or less what happened.
Zombie, sitting in a throne and holding a longsword: “Who dares awaken me from my slumber?!”
Shozbot: “This is a dream. We’re not really here.”
DM, laughing: “Roll persuasion”
My mom: “Seventeen.” (This was impressive enough because she always rolls low)
Zombie: *after pondering this for a moment, cuts off own hand with the longsword, then looks at the wound, visibly confused* “I should be in immense pain right now.”
Spider: *realizing that zombies don’t feel pain because they’re already dead*
Zombie, staring at the stump of their hand, still baffled: “This isn’t a dream. It’s a nightmare.”
Spider: “But now that you’re aware that it’s a dream, you can control what happens. That’s how it works.”
Zombie: “Yes. That makes sense.”
After trying to alter the “dream,” and failing to do so, the zombie ended up intentionally using the longsword to cut off their own head. I missed some things, like the zombie mentioning that they’d be able to cut off their own hand with no pain in a dream, and Shozbot suggesting that the zombie should remove their own head instead. So, this happened less than an hour ago. And it worked. When the zombie asked why we were there, we didn’t really know what to say, so my mom, as Shozbot, said something stupid and it worked. This is part of why I love D&D so much. Because stupid things like this can happen.
Context: The Party is at a dwarven consulate type place with a mysterious egg they found underground. They've been told to hide it or get rid of it or do whatever they can to get it out of that place...
DM: Uh, who has the egg again?
Me: I think Agaricus does.
DM: Perfect! *goes into a long description of the egg suddenly hatching into a 90-foot tall dragon-esque creature with chains and flesh for scales called The Stonecrusher. It kills many people and tears the place apart.* So what are y'all going to do?
Me: I want to calm it! (I'm an Elf Rogue, btw)
DM: Are you sure? This thing is MASSIVE!
Me: I want to pet the big puppy!
DM: Roll for Animal Handling.
Me: *rolls a 16*
DM: Roll 2 more for me, please
Me: *rolls a 21 and a 14* I-is that good?
DM: Roll a single survival check with advantage
Me: *rolls a 3 and a 15* I shall take the 15!
DM: *rolls a d100 and gets a 14* I don't believe this.
Me: I MADE A NEW FRIEND?!
DM: You only had a 15% chance of this working, and I rolled a 14. You needed above a 14 on all 3 checks to even get that far. You wanted to try and calm it down, and you succeeded. However, taming it is a whole other thing, and if you somehow manage to do THAT, I'm calling the game won at that point. If you roll a nat 20 then it will be your pet.
Me: *rolls a 19* NO! I'M GONNA CRY!
DM: I would have cried if you got it.
You’re a mimic. You were disguised as a chair in a dungeon when an adventurer decided to take you as loot. You’ve actually enjoyed your life ever since as furniture in a jolly tavern. So when some ruffians try to rob the now-elderly adventurer’s business, you finally reveal yourself.
An actual transcript from last night's dnd session:
A: Can you add Divine Smite to Soup?
B: Tasty sou- SMITE
Me: SMOUP