I Keep Getting Assaulted By Pictures Of Ochaco And Toga At Every Turn. Nowhere Is Safe Anymore. Batten

I keep getting assaulted by pictures of Ochaco and Toga at every turn. Nowhere is safe anymore. Batten down the hatches everyone it’s only getting worse from here. 🫡

I sent this to my brother because he’s the one who got me into MHA, and I’d like to reenact our conversation for everyone.

Me: *send the picture*

Bro: YES PLEASE

Bro: Stupid meme heroes

Me: If I were saved by someone named the Rizzler I’d just do throw myself back at the villain

Bro: What if the hero was also named the sizzler

Bro: *Rizzler

Me: Then I’d just find a cliff

And I’d have no regrets, Deku was really out here doing the Lord’s work by keeping those names off the streets.

An Exercise In Futility - Part Four

(My college chemistry class decided to kick my ass these past few weeks, so I haven't had much time to write, which sucks, but whatcha gonna do? Finally got to sit down and go to town with this one, so I hope a few people enjoy!)

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

TW: Suicidal Ideations and Terminal Illness

-

“…what did you say?”

And there it was, the reminder that Yoichi had, in fact, actually uttered the very thing he’d sworn to keep a secret to the only person he’d never wanted to tell. The car rolled to a halt in front of the house, but Yoichi couldn’t even wait until it had fully come to a stop before he was unlatching the door and jumping out. Hisashi’s panicked squawks were drowned by the pounding of his own heart. He made for the front door, leaving behind nothing more than a muttered, “nothing, sorry,” to placate Hisashi’s demands for an explanation.

Throwing the door open, he barely made time to kick off his shoes before speeding down the hall to duck into his room and yank the door shut behind him. For a moment, he considered dragging a chair in front of it, but he knew there was little that would stop his big brother should he decide that he was coming in, least of all a tiny chair.

Looking around his room, a wave of exhaustion hit him and he let himself wilt like the sad little flower he was. The room smelled stale, even though he’d just been there that morning. The curtains were half drawn, letting in patches of gloomy light to catch on the dusty floor. Yoichi couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt up to vacuuming…or really anything other than a simple tidy…and it showed. 

His jacket slid right off his boney shoulders and landed in a heap on the floor. Shuffling over to his bed, he faceplanted, wriggling forward to bury himself under one of the many blankets piled on his bed. He knew Hisashi would be along momentarily, he never was one to let things go, but for a moment he just wanted to pretend everything was fine. 

Because it was. It was fine. Eventually, he wouldn’t have to do this anymore.

“Yoichi.”

He jumped, just slightly. He hadn’t even heard the door open, but Hisashi probably hadn’t even bothered to open it. Grabbing the edges of his comforter, he dragged it further over his face until the only thing he could see was darkness. Maybe, just maybe, if he stayed completely still and silent Hisashi would think he fell asleep and leave him alone. 

No dice. A quiet sigh echoed through the room, footsteps padded closer before the bed dipped next to him and a hand settling on his back. Yoichi curled further in on himself, pressing the blanket over his face to muffle his sniffling and dab at the tears with the corners of his eyes.

He wasn’t even sad, per say, just offput that he’d blurted his biggest secret like it was nothing. He was pretty sure his eyes were just leaking because they didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t upset, but his back hurt and his lungs ached and the room was altogether too loud and too quiet, and Hisashi was mad, he could tell, he didn’t need to see him, and, and…

Two hands slid under him, pulling him from his stupor to realize that he’d started to full on sob, tears rolling down his face. Hisashi hefted him up, blanket and all, cradling him close like he’d done when Yoichi’d had one of his many emergencies. He used to do it when they were kids too, long, long ago when they were forced to wander the streets, constantly on the lookout for their next hot meal. Yoichi was never able to move fast enough to satisfy his brother. He always tried, but was left gasping and panting within minutes. Even at a young age, Hisashi had always indulged him briefly before doubling back to heft his younger brother into his arms with a wry smile on his face. If Yoichi didn’t know any better, he’d think that his brother enjoyed being forced to carry him, like he sped up just to tire him out quicker.

But Hisashi wouldn’t do that. Hisashi wanted him to get better, not worse.

“Yoichi.” 

More minutes had trickled by, lost forever in Yoichi’s mind, and he really had to come back down to Earth now. Hisashi’s grip on him was borderline uncomfortable, and he had taken to lightly shaking his brother while feeling his forehead. Yoichi squirmed, nose scrunching into a frown. Hisashi let out another sigh, relaxing his fingers just slightly as Yoichi opening his eyes. Hisashi eased him up and Yoichi tried to scoot to sit beside his brother, but he still wouldn’t relinquish his hold.

“Yoichi. Talk to me.”

Yoichi shook his head, mumbling. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There most definitely is something to talk about. You seem to be under the impression that there is ‘no point’ in pursing your good health, and that is an egregious falsehood I intend to correct right now.”

Yoichi folded his arms over his chest, determined to bore a hole in the carpet with his gaze. “Will you put me down if I agree to tell you?”

He could his Hisashi frown out of the corner of his eye, but set the cocooned Yoichi delicately next to him on the bed. “…Was it that doctor? Is that why you’ve been so sullen lately? Did he tell you something? Yoichi, if he told you something about your health I need to know.”

“He didn’t.”

“Yoichi–”

“–that is my name and you are wearing it out–”

“–what did he say to you? Or was it that nurse that always signs your cards? I never liked her, the way she spoke to you was so incredibly unprofessional, I’ll speak to her superiors–”

“Helga didn’t say anything. The doctor didn’t tell me anything, Hisashi.” Yoichi snapped, throwing the blanket off himself. “He hasn’t told me anything for months. No one has.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because I haven’t been going.” Yoichi shrieked, jumping to his feet, the blanket falling from his shoulder. “Because I haven’t gone for months.”

“Why–?”

“Because it’s stupid and pointless, I’m stupid and pointless, and before you ask no one had to tell me that! I’m not an idiot Hisashi, every single professional whose ever took so much as one look at me has told me the same exact goddamn thing, that I’m not going to live past my twenties. Hell, maybe not even my teens! I could keel over literally any day now–God knows I can’t keep up with the army of pills they want to shove down my throat at every turn–and no matter how hard you try to ignore it, that’s just the truth. Not even you can change it, big brother, I'm dying. Slowly, but I am.”

Yoichi paused to take a breath, furiously wiping tears from his eyes.

“And I’m fine with that, okay? I’m fine with dying, I really am. This isn’t even really living anymore–and don’t try to tell me it is, there are some things you just don’t get–so what’s the point? All I do now is slow you down, I slow everyone down, and I’m tired. I’m tired of being sick, of the hospital visits, the doctor’s appointments, of the pills and the masks and the inhalers…”

Yoichi finally looked up to meet his brother’s gaze.

“…I’m tired of being alive, Hisashi, I can’t do it anymore.”

An Exercise in Futility (Part 2)

Not entire sure where I plan to go with this, but the pen calls to me and who am I to deny her?

(Part One)

Some days Yoichi felt good enough to take the stairs, but unfortunately the awkward shuffling alone was already proving too much. After the second time around, he’d been forced to plop down in one of the puffy, plastic chairs and catch his breath. In his mind, he could hear his brother scolding him for pushing himself, but he knew his struggles probably had more to do with the fact he’d neglected his morning medications and therapies. Soft coughs rocked his chest, and with a trembling hand he reached up to rub it.

To be fair, he had fully intended on continuing any prescribed treatments at home when he’d started skipping appointments–it was one of the only ways he could convince himself to go through with the lies–but after a few weeks the piles of pills and heavy masks had seemed less and less appealing. 

So he’d just…stopped.

Thankfully, his brother hadn’t seemed to notice yet. The last thing he wanted was another freak out and hospital stay like he’d had earlier in the year. The scars on his chest still ached whenever he thought of the incident, urging him to rub over the freshly healed marks. Hisashi hated that particular habit of his, resorting to physically pulling his hand away whenever he did it within view of the other. Yoichi was never sure why the scars seemed to bother Hisashi more than they did him, but he’d stopped wearing the low cut, loose shirts he’d favored after he caught his brother staring at the thin, white marks with that look on his face one too many times.

Yoichi didn’t remember much of the most recent scare. He’d been in bed when it’d started, chest aching as it often did, and he’d gotten up to get some water. The next thing he knew, the toilet was painted a deep shade of red and Hisashi was at his side, gripping him like if he let him go he’d just disappear as he screamed through the manor. The rest of it was a blur, but the several months he’d spent in the hospital afterwards were burned into his mind forevermore. The wailing machines, the constant surveillance, and the lack of freedom to when pee by himself made him shutter more than the pain ever did.

He’d never say it to anyone out loud–least of all Hisashi–but after the last incident, he’d told himself that if it were to happen again he’d just let himself go. 

Yoichi didn’t want to die, per say, but he didn’t want to live either, especially not like that.

Being sick was exhausting. 

His watch buzzed, drawing him from his thoughts. Lifting it, he found Hisashi’s name displayed across its face. 

The car is waiting outside when you’re done, don’t forget to have the receptionist give you a copy of the notes from today. 

Yoichi smiled wryly, sending a little thumbs up and an “almost done!” for good measure. He sat for another minute or two before easing himself up from the chair and shuffling over to where his favorite nurse, Helga, sat behind her station. She smiled as he approached, grabbing a pen out of its holder, an appointment card at the ready. He smiled back, giving a half-hearted wave.

“How’s my favorite nurse today?” He rasped, leaning against the edge of the station for support.

Helga giggled. For a seasoned nurse well into her career, she had the laugh of a middle-schooler who’d been approached by her crush. “Yoichi, baby! It’s good to see you! How’re you feelin’? Your appointment go okay? You here for my autograph again?” 

“Sure am,” he quipped, “got the pen ready for me?”

She nodded, “you know I do. Whatcha got for me today?”

“November 18th, at 2PM.” He replied easily.

“You got it.” She was already neatly transcribing the information onto the little piece of cardstock. “I keep telling you the lovely lads and ladies over in Dr. Millard’s office would be happy to write this down for you, baby, you just gotta ask when you make the appointment.”

“Sure, if I actually made an appointment, I’m sure they would.” He thought to himself, instead choosing to say. “Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have a reason to come see you, would I?”

“You don’t need a reason to see me, baby, you know that! I’m always happy to say hello to my favorite patient.” She hummed, neatly signing the bottom of the card with a little flourish and a smiley face. “But there you go, I’ll see you in two weeks, okay? Oh, well, hm, no maybe I won’t…”

Yoichi’s heart jumped a little, but he swallowed his panic and smiled. “Oh? Why not?”

“My actual baby is getting married! We’re traveling up north for the wedding, so I’ll be out for a few weeks, but like I said, everyone else would be more than happy to help you!”

Yoichi nodded, pulling his lips into a little smile as he resisted the urge to sigh. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Helga left for good. There was only so long he could use the “I lost my reminder card” excuse with the other staff. Eventually, someone would look him up in the system and realize that his last actual appointment was six months ago and he’d canceled every single one since. Then they’d call Hisashi, since his older brother was technically his legal guardian, and all hell would break loose.

Yoichi couldn’t risk that, he was already pretty sure his brother was starting to suspect something–Hisashi always had been frustratingly good at reading him–so Yoichi had to make sure he had no reason to do so. Next time he’d have to bite the bullet and actually schedule a real appointment, then cancel it as soon as he’d opened the reminder text in view of his brother. That was usually enough to quell any suspicions Hisashi had.

He thanked Helga, wishing her the best and congratulating her on her kid’s marriage before making his way down to the ground floor and out the door.

I’ve literally never related to a post more.

i just finished whats posted of will you accept this rose and i dont think there has ever been a more cathartic story. this fic has held my attention for days straight ive been reading it in between sets at the gym ive been reading it while walking around its all ive been doing ive been like gasping out loud its been so long since a story has gripped me like this and genuinely surprised me in the moment with how clever it is in its construction and foreshadowing. i feel soooooo insane i feel so happy. ohg my god. im glad i read it now i don't think i wouldve survived if i had to wait for the most recent chapter i think i wouldve gone mad

To be deep or silly in today's MHA thought, that is truly the question. I missed yesterday, and it's late, which usually makes me philosophical, but I can't get this thought about the OFA vestiges out of my head so maybe they'll end up combined, who knows?

Lizzy's MHA Ramble of the Eve: How long could the vestiges of OFA see what Deku saw??

Like we see as early as season two that they're boogieing creepily in the background during the sports festival arc, but we don't ACTUALLY meet them until around season five, I think? The way Yoichi talks to Deku in that episode with the first flashback, it makes it seem like they've been monitoring him for a while. Plus, when Banjo meets Izuku, he talks like he's been watching the fight. So it seems like they've been watching him for a bit at the very least.

All that to say, can you imagine how unsettling that must've been for him to come to the realization that seven people have been watching every single thing he's done for the past year. I don't know about y'all, but I appreciate my privacy. Obviously Izuku is not an introvert like me, but still, I don't think anyone would appreciate knowing seven people can/potentially have been watching them every moment of the day.

Anywho, I totally think at least a few of them took to yelling at him like a dad at a football game on TV. Do you think they like, placed bets on what he'd do in certain situations? Or whether or not like, Bakugo would use a particular insult on someone? I like to imagine it'd go something like this:

Banjo: Ten bucks says Bakugo calls him a shitty nerd today.

Shimura: We literally don't have money in here, why would anyone take you up on that?

Yoichi: (Playing magical mind-scape Uno or something, idk, with Kudo or Bruce) Besides, he's getting better! Izuku's said so himself.

En: Midoriya would still sing Bakugo's praises even if he set his own mom on fire and did it while screaming "Deku is a fucking moron!!" I don't think Midoriya's opinion is ever valid when it comes to him.

Hikage:...my money's on damn extras.

Shimura: Again, we don't have money, we don't even eat, what the hell are you betting with??

Banjo: Look, there's only so long we sit ominously on our fancy little thrones waiting for him to figure shit out before we start to loose our non-existent minds, let us have this.

I don't know what this is or where it came from, but I've been thinking about Yoichi a lot lately as I compile my thoughts/rambles about him and All for One for a later post, so I think it was born of the little threads that didn't fit in anywhere else.