Dj, Cue The Jock Jams, Please

dj, cue the jock jams, please

steve not taking care of himself in ways that are basically self harm but no one knows because of his healing factor

he'll ignore wounds on purpose and that would get most people infected, but he heals faster than the baseline human and is immune to disease so no one bats an eye when he skips medical again

he drinks enough high proof liquor to give the baseline human alcohol poisoning ten times over but no one thinks he has a drinking problem because they think he can't get drunk, but it's not that he can't get drunk, his body just processes alcohol more efficiently

he's in the gym too much but everyone brushes it off because of course cap is a gym rat, he's an avenger so of course he has to train, he has to keep up with the job somehow, no he's not over-exerting himself, he'll be fine, he's a supersoldier.

Coulson claps his hands, the resulting smack echoing around the abandoned subway tunnel. “I now bring this meeting of the Highly Advanced Prosthetic Arms Club to order!”

aunt may knows misusing furniture is the first step towards a life of crime. a wise lady.

(hello new followers! aw, look at all your bright shining faces. here’s a little spiddermin & aunt may as a thank you.)

Imagine this as the season finale of “WandaVision”:

It’s right after the Maximoff family (Wanda, Vision, Evan Peters Pietro, Tommy, and Billy) have their big superhero showdown with Agatha Harkness and Mephisto, our main villain. Suddenly, everyone but Wanda starts disappearing due to the simulation being shut down. Just when you think Wanda is ready to let them go, she suddenly whispers, “Stay.”

Then…the entire show just goes haywire. The entire MCU glitches out, leaving the audience wondering what the fuck is going on.

Cut to the Sanctum Sanctorum. Doctor Strange, who felt a disturbance in the multiverse, managed to hide away in a pocket dimension before Wanda’s epic, reality-changing moment. When he comes back to the MCU, he brings up the news to figure out what Wanda changed. His eyes then widen when he sees what Wanda did.

The MCU timeline is mostly the same. All the movies and TV shows are still canon as before. However, the universe has been modified to accommodate the mutants. All of a sudden, people are acting as if the mutants have existed in the MCU this whole time. Then, when Strange brings up news about Wanda, he’s shocked to see that not only are Pietro and Vision alive, it’s the Evan Peters version, not the original one. And not only that, she has kids, a new sister (hello, Polaris) and even brought her dad back to life (now played by either Sir Ian McKellen or Michael Fassbender). 

Wanda pulled a reverse “House of M” by literally rewriting reality to include the mutants, just so she could bring her family back to life. 

The show ends with Strange freaking out over the fact that the entire MCU has been rewritten/retconned by Wanda and that he’s the ONLY ONE who still remembers how the universe was before.