Real Conversation I Had

real conversation i had

friend: look at these two flirting haha

one of “these two”: hey i’m not gay

the other one: yeah we’re not gay

me: lol you have a very fragile masculinity don’t you?

him: no but like, i’m not gay. if someone asked you if you’re a lesbian how would you react huh???

me: well i’d say that yeah i am

him: (processing)

him: yOu ArE a LeSbiAn?

me: um yeah?

him: oh

him: but i’m NOT gay!

“i could never leave my life in a pair of hands so similar to mine.”

ok but where the hell did my summer go?

i feel like it was yesterday when i was having a mental breakdown about an exam..... and you want me to believe that it was 3 months ago? yeah haha sorry but no

i’m stupid but i notice when there’s time travel involved

my magic crystals tell me you have not been hydrating lately

go and drink some water now what are you waiting for

look i am very, very drunk (i drank 1 apple juice 2hrs ago) and my ethics code doesn’t cover this scenario yet (you are literally just looking at me). so. if anything happens between us (i impulsively kiss you) it is not my fault.

i want to dye my hair and pierce my ears and burn my whole wardrobe