The Fact That When I Do Something I Consider Wrong Or Thats Something I Wish I Hadnt Done I Feel The

the fact that when i do something i consider “wrong” or that’s something i wish i hadn’t done i feel the need to tell someone about it and i can’t just do the work and forgive myself on my own? horrendous

the fact that i feel the need to get someone else’s permission to forgive myself for things? horrendous

the fact that i have considered going to confession bc i know it would feel good to hear someone tell me i’m forgiven even tho it would just start the vicious cycle over again? horrendous

anyways. sometimes i think about the fact that i wouldn’t feel guilty for doing shit except that the catholic church told me it’s immoral and the only way to feel better and soothe my conscience is through the church. and then they use that as a reason the church is true and real and god is loving

oh i should feel better since i’ve been forgiven for these things which aren’t things i should have to ask forgiveness for? wtf

beat ya their up there laughing because they got to see them filming the series before we even got to see the teasers <3

there's something really emotional for me about the Percy Jackson TV series

When my brother died and I lost alot of him, I found an absolutely destroyed book which I didn't even know the title of because the front pages had been ripped out and the cover had fallen off. The first line was "Look, I didn't want to be a half blood".

My brother had three pjo books - the lighting thief, the sea of monsters, and the battle of the labyrinth. I consumed those books looking for my brother, but when my mother bought me new versions, including the titians' curse, which explained a lot I didn't know before, I found my favourite series instead and a feeling of being seen with the whole adhd and dyslexic thing. I stopped looking for him.

But when I think about it, I did find him. He had Percy's sarcasm, Jason's sense of honor and doing right (I know he's HOO but he counts and I love him), he definitely had dyslexia but the jury's out on the ADHD, Chiron's knowledge from experiences none of us want to live through but want the lessons from, Classrie's fight and anger, Annabeth's real-life intelligence and street smarts, Tyson's unwavering devotion to his sibling (s in my brother's case), Luke's rage at the system, Bianca's unfair lot but determination to make life the best it can be for their younger siblings.

My brother died at 14 in 2013. He never saw me even hit double digits in age, never saw me go to university, never read Heroes of olmpus. But he's here, I think, in some small way.

Now, ten years from when I lost my brother, there's a TV series of what was his favourite series and mine. It's like reading the books for the first time again and finding my brother again.

i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.

maybe I gave people my love and they ran away with it. but I don't miss those pieces - others have given me their pieces which fit much better.

it’s horrific. awful way to die. either you’re trapped with no chance of being found, air running out, everyone around you suffocating, or the hull is broken and you get turned to jelly by the crushing ocean depths. ik they’re billionaires so it’s very contentious for me. generally i prefer no one dies horrifically. like just as a fellow human being on earth. but i dont think the ultra rich ever extend that mindset to others. climate refugees. and just everything. it feels like something a greek god would do to punish them. it has a certain swagful je ne sais quoi if removed from the human suffering which billionaires have to do philosophically to maintain their positions. very haunting. the hubris of it all. old jalopy metal tube steered by a mad catz controller. to go look at the titanic. which is nothing but a rusted out metal wreck full of fish and silt. btw. the grandiosity of it is completely unrecognizable. one has to wonder what compels ppl to even look at it in the first place. like the prestige of seeing some filthy grown over shell? crazy thing to die for. very textually rich… bad way to die as a human being. great way to die as a narrative about human greed and folly i guess. good job. mission accomplished?