Am I Enough PT 10

Am I Enough PT 10

Bucky X Reader

Summary: It’s movie night! And the start of Operation Happy Ending.

warnings: little fluff, little angst

A/N: A thousand apologies for the delay. I started working more and I’m pretty sure the heat here is melting my brain making me unable to function. Anyway, I am doing my best to write these chapters but not make them crap. Patience is always appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Side Note: I have had a couple questions about a MASTERLIST. I have no idea how to make one. Also, I do all my work on my phone so if it seems weird or what not let me know I will try to fix it. Also if someone would be willing to teach me how to make said master list I would appreciate it!

Bucky POV

It’s all set up ready to go, the first phase of Operation Happy Ending is a go. The room has been set up to make a moviegoers dream. All (Y/N)’s favorite movies and snacks are laid out. He has commandeered her blanket and pillow setting up her own personal viewing spot, or throne as Tony is calling it. Everyone gets settled waiting for her arrival, Bucky is antsy hoping she likes what she sees.

Finally strolling in, clad in her most comfy pajamas, she takes in the area. Bucky jumps up and rushes her. He stops a couple feet before making sure to give her space.

“Hi, um… Thanks for coming.” He mentally slaps himself, really that’s what he’s going with. “I got your favorites, also I kinda stole… no took your blanket you can sit here, or you know wherever you want, you don’t have to sit here. Oh and your pillow as well, wanted you to be comfortable.” He could just die of embarrassment now, stuttering and make a downright fool of himself.

“Thanks, Bucky.” She can’t help the smile that creeps to her face with how awkward Bucky is being. “I think though that I picked last time so why don’t you pick. But nothing too sappy Ok?” He nods his head vigorously, practically giving himself whiplash while doing it.

He shuffles to the movies, he panics not knowing what to pick. He swings his eyes to the group trying to figure it out. Sam comes to the rescue starting a debate on what to watch. They go back and forth until Die Hard comes out on top.

“I hope you all don’t expect me to eat all this. I know I like these but there is a lot here.” As if on cue everyone lunges forward plucking up snacks.

Bucky turns back from the Bluray player and pauses unsure now of where to sit. Seeing his dilemma (Y/N) gently pats the spot next to her. He sits but not too close to cause discomfort, but not too far to seem like he didn’t want to be there.

As the movie starts he is as stiff as a board. Not moving in case he upsets you in some way. He doesn’t reach for any snacks either. Hearing a faint chuckle from her his head turns questioning what was going on. She leans over to him.

“If you wanna prove we can work, you might want to relax a little. It kind of seems like you don’t want to be here.” She moves back. Releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding he sinks into the couch. Telling himself to chill out, be cool. He lays his arm across the back of the love seat.

As the movie goes on she starts to stretch out, her feet inching closer and closer to him. By the halfway point they are in his lap his other arm slung over top. Every once in a while she would glance at him indicating she wanted another treat. He is more than happy to oblige.

When the movie is over the light fade up. She tense as the others look around and stretch in their seats. Quickly removing her feet and sitting up. She doesn’t make eye contact with him simply standing and muttering a quiet Thank you and good night. He sits confused as to what happened. It went well she even let him sit next to her.

“Give it time Barnes. This was a good start, she probably just felt like it was rushed. That’s the one thing both of you can’t afford to do.” Tony pats his shoulder as he exits. Bucky nods even though no one can see and begins to clean up the room.

He is met with a pair of hands helping him. He looks up seeing Nat collecting open bags of food. She smiles timidly. Jerking his hands back her smile fades. He couldn’t be alone with her that would send the wrong message.

“I want to help. I need my best friend back as much as you want your girl back. I promise nothing more.” She holds her hands up still full of things and shakes her head.

He eyes her for a moment before he nods. No more words are shared between them. Just another silent truce with each other. With the room looking spotless they nod to each other before parting ways.

He continued to his room, thinking over the evening and what happened. For the most part, it went well, she seemed to have enjoyed herself. Why though had she pulled away when the lights come up? Tony had some truth I what he said of course. He was just going to have to be careful around her. Maybe he needed to do more. Suddenly it came to him, the perfect idea something not too big but showed how much he appreciated her willingness to go with his crazy ideas.

He left his room once more in search of supplies.

(Y/N) POV

Sunlight streamed through your window, falling directly over your eyes. For a moment you wanted to be grumpy. The darn sun always waking people up! You turn to burrow your face into your pillow. Suddenly the details of the evening before come back. It forms a small smile on your face.

You had a blast last night, in all honesty, it was the first time you had truly been relaxed since you got back. This whole time you had been focused on putting up this appearance like everything was ok. That everything that happened, yes made you mad but otherwise didn’t affect you. To have that weight lifted, no matter how temporary, was amazing.

You sit up stretching, taking a couple deep breaths. It was going to be a good morning. You walk to your door heading out for breakfast when you pause to see a balloon staring at you. It was plain nothing in it just a vivid (Y/F/C). You follow it down to see a breakfast tray, it is filled with really anything you could possibly imagine wanting for breakfast. On the side though is a small vase with a single (Y/F/F). Leaning against it is a card with your name on it. You bend to pick up the tray bringing it to the bed before you settle in. Opening the envelope you gently pull the card. The outside simply says “Thank You”. You had a feeling who it was from and the thought made you quickly pry open the letter. There is his handwriting, scratchy but much better than his usual writing.

Dear (Y/N),

Thank you for joining me last night for a movie and snacks. I really enjoyed your company. It was a pleasure to sit next to you and also enjoy your treats together. I hope I wasn’t to forward with you at the end of the movie. I was just very excited to be able to spend time with you again. As you can see I have made you a quite a selection of breakfast for you. Please enjoy and rest easy for the morning. I would also like to take this time to invite you on a shopping adventure with me and whomever you would like to tag along as well. It doesn’t have to be today, just let me know and I’ll be ready.

Yours Truly,

James Barnes

If someone had walked in they would have seen a radiant smile splitting your face. He was just so awkward and sweet all at the same time. Writing a thank you card just for a movie night. It was different but so him at the same time. You wondered how many cards had been tossed till he got the right words down.

Thinking back though you had been cold to him after the movie. You got so caught up in the movie that you forgot for a moment the things that had passed between you. Your smile fades, in a way it kind of felt like he was trying to buy you back. Bribe you with your favorites and his knowledge of things you liked to do. You close the card, it wasn’t going to be that simple. You pace your room, fuming at his audacity thinking to win you over this way, he was a fool. He hadn’t even explained why everything happened yet, let alone give you answers for anything you asked during your fights. You flip the card over onto the tray as it flutters you see more writing on the back.

P.S.

I know I upset you yesterday and I’m not trying to win you back by merely giving you your favorite things. I just lack the words to tell you, to explain how badly I screwed up. I want to show you that even though you may never forgive me, that you may move on, I’ll still be your Bucky, willing to do whatever it takes to get you back no matter how long that takes.”

You shake your head, he always did seem to know what you were thinking and how you would react. Also, it would be a shame to let this breakfast go to waste. You hunker down again chowing down into the breakfast.

A knock sounds at your door, you tell them to enter. Sam’s head pops out, taking in the scene before strolling all the way in plopping himself onto your bed.

“Well good morning sunshine. Didn’t see you for breakfast got concerned. But here you are with a small stash all for yourself. Greedy much?” He leans over and snatches a grape.

“Woah hands off, pal. Bucky happened to make this for me.” You attempt to shoo him away though it didn’t work as he grabs a couple more things from the tray.

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Oh really?” You nod and pass over the note. He reads quickly, “I wonder how much paper he went through to get this?”

“That’s what I said! It’s so proper and polite. Definitely not like him.”

“He probably looked it up on the internet. Though it sounds like he is trying to win you back by spending time and doing everything you love.”

You pull the card from him flipping it around so he could see the other side.

“Scratch that he does know you inside and out, but it’s good to know that’s not what he intended. Have you guys talked yet?” You shake your head. “Of course you haven’t. Well, I think the only thing that will help is talking. Get everything out there.”

“I just, I get so angry and sad when I see him. I really just want to punch him and call him names. I don’t know how to do it.” You shake your head the whole thing seems like a lost cause to you.

“Well this is your olive branch from him, you’re going to be spending time together, you’ll know what to do when the time comes.” He rises from the bed snatching a whole plate of goodies as he goes.

“Oh way to be cryptic, thanks for that Buddha. Stop stealing my food!!” You lunge after him.

“Nope this is your consultation fee, I the great Falcon do not come free.” He laughs and quickly leaves devouring the food as he went.

You throw your head back against the pillows, huffing. Well, no time like the present. Cleaning up you exit your room and head to the kitchen. Wanda is the only one present at the moment, quietly sipping on her orange juice.

“Hey Wanda, good morning.”

“Hello (Y/N), you're up late today.”

“Yeah, Bucky made me a humongous breakfast this morning.”

“Oh?” She raises her eyebrow, exactly like Sam in fact.

“Yeah it was good,” you switch topics not wanting the exact same thing said to you again. “ So speaking of him, Bucky invited me to go shopping, I was wondering if you would mind joining us?” You peak up at her from where you are washing your dishes. You try not to look too desperate for someone to join you.

She is studying you, “You think that’s a good idea? I mean only yesterday you were yelling at each other. Practically threatening to scratch his eyes out.”

“Well yeah, he wants a second chance and I figured I could at least try, maybe be friends with him again. That’s also why I want you there, make sure he’s not pulling anything over on me. I mean I was going to see if anyone else wanted to join us as well.”

She keeps looking at you. You’re not sure if she’s trying to decide if she wants to go or if you have gone completely insane overnight.

“I don’t want to seem like a naysayer, I just want you to be careful. We all saw how much it hurt you when he made you leave. I can’t watch you go through that again. This could just be a phase, maybe seeing you back he regrets it now but what about down the line. Also, Natasha and he haven’t spoken or interacted since you got back what happens when they do?”

You pause what you're doing she had valid points, as far as you knew this was just temporary. “Your right and I don’t want to get hurt like that again. Maybe that’s part of why I pulled back last night. But I want this to work. I want him back I do. Since I left and especially this morning, he knows me almost too well. I was reminded of all the good times and when he was there for me when I needed him. He knows everything the when, where, and how much. I feel like if I don’t let him try it’s throwing all that away. I need to give him this chance. I just want to believe he loves me and always has.”

You were crying bearing your soul to her. You wanted so bad for this to work out. For him to realize the mistake he made and never let you go again. You didn’t want to hurt and no more tears. You wanted to be someone’s true love again, to have that person that completes you so seamlessly.

Wanda swiftly moves around the counter taking you in her arms. Letting you cry out all the pain and anguish of the love you had lost. Guiding you to the couch she rocks you, gently rubbing her hands up and down your back. You fall into the occasional whimper and sniffle.

Still holding you, “Why don’t we try this? Next month is your birthday so we need to find you an outfit. We can go shopping next weekend. This way Bucky has more time to adjust to you being here. We can see if he goes running off to Natasha or if he is serious. That and you can start building your relationship from the bottom, spend time don’t just leave when he is in the room. Have those needed conversations. Then next Saturday we all go out and have some fun. We can even take Nat.” You jerk slightly at the idea. “Yes, you will have to deal with her eventually. I can tell you though that she is truly sorry and wants to make it up to you.”

You nod your head taking it all in. “Good! Now let’s move on with our day. I believe Tony wanted your assistance in the lab. Something about needing a guinea pig slash evil sidekick.”

Wiping your tears, you draw Wanda in hugging her tight. “Thank you. It’s probably the latter. Tony was finding a job for me, I think mostly to keep me close but I also I need something to do.”

“Perfect, go get changed because your whole look right now does not scream evil side kick right now.” She chuckles and pushes you toward your room.

“You’re right, this reads more lazy assistant. Oh wait, I should let Bucky know about next Saturday.”

“I got it, plus I’m headed to the gym anyway. That’s where the most likely is.”

Rushing to your room you dress and hustle to the lab. With each step, you grow a little more confident in your future. Everything would work out in the end and your friends would be there to help you through it all.

Entering the lab you are greeted, “Come pinky, it is time to take over the Wolrd!”

@veronicalei @ohlookfanfiction @theassetseyeliner @bustanut2k17 @luckynumber1213 @owhatshername1 @chipilerendi @caelestiside @anbrax5553 @fandom-writes @boundtomyfate @annie-are-you-okay @megs4real @marvelous-imagining @mizzzpink @coffeeismylife28 @yknott81 @chameerah @stevette60 @genlovesdcb @loveyourselfcreateyourself @winter-in-wakanda @buckyappreciationsociety @sammysgirl1997 @unicornqueen05 @sexyashmike @magpiemischief @steggy4ever @greeneyedgirls4 @melconnor2007 @iamwarrenspeace @justreadingfics @buckyismyaesthetic @gondorgirl01 @winterbuttmunch @s7sense @kjs-s @couchpotato24-7 @saysay125 @magellan-88 @sweetlittlepieandberrycustard

Masterlist

My attempt at a Masterlist not pretty but until I figure that part out here is what I got. ENJOY!!

SHORT STORIES

Worst Day Ever

Belated Birthday

My Girl

Why Just Why

What’s Mine is Yours

SERIES

I'll Be Here Series (COMPLETE)

Steve X Reader

PT 1 - PT 2 - PT 3 - Epilogue

Am I Enough Series (COMPLETE)

Bucky X Reader

PT 1  -  PT 2 - PT 3 - PT 4 - PT 5  - PT 6 - PT 7 - PT 8

PT 9  - PT 10 - PT 11 - PT 12 - PT 13 - PT 14 - PT 15 - PT 16

PT17 - PT 18 - PT 19 - PT 20 - Epilogue

Start of Something New (ongoing hiatus)

Bucky X Reader

Prologue - PT 1 - PT 2 -  PT 3 - PT4 -  PT 5 - PT 6 - PT 7 

Mission Gone Wrong (COMPLETE)

PT 1 - PT 2 - PT 3  PT 4 PT 5

Am I Enough PT 8

Summary: A successful return. Now how will they handle being confronted daily with their fears?

Warnings: Bringing back the angst!

A/N: Don’t hate me too much. Also not as long as it usually is. I apologize for the delay. I got super busy. Thoughts and comments always welcome.

“This whole situation is toxic. How can you, for one moment, even think of doing something like this? What started this in the first place? No, never mind I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me. I might do something unforgivable.”

Y/N POV

One would think after such a great reunion with everyone, you would be ok living in the same vicinity as Bucky. You pulled it off so well, something must have happened at movie night. For days you would catch your friends giving you side eyes, checking to see if you were ok, how you slept even. There was this undertone, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on buying it was there. You’d figure it out eventually.

Being as you were back in the city you called up your boss letting her know all had been resolved. She was brief with you, never really staying on topic as you talked. By the end, she told you they had replaced you and you would have to find other employment. She was soooo sorry, as she put it. The temp they hired just worked out a little too well. This left you without a job and without a home for the foreseeable future.

For once you buried your pride and approached Tony, he could help. You went to his workshop, knocking but knowing nothing could be heard over his rock. You slide the door open and stepped in. He was wearing a white tank top and covered in grease. He jammed around the place throwing holograms from place to place. Just watching made you dizzy and confused.

Finally, the song ended, “Hey, Tony.” You raised your voice to ensure he heard as the next song belted out of the speakers.

“Ah, munchkin. What brings you to my lair?”

“I..” You swallow, just say it, you reprimanded yourself. “I need your help. You see I lost my job and I really have no idea what to do now.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place! I have plenty to offer you, even if you want to try something out first. Just know you don’t have to work to stay here. Even if you need shopping money I’m here.” He had grabbed your shoulders, shaking you to emphasize how serious he was.

“Alright, let me know. I think I’ll take some time off first. I haven’t had real downtime in forever.”

“Perfect, I’ll have FRIDAY send you potentials let her know which you like.”

You gave him a quick hug and skipped away. You were coming down the hall toward the living room when you turned the corner. This landed you face to face with a certain redhead. You both froze staring at each other. Besides dinner that night you hadn’t seen her, she was good at what she does but here she was. You stared at her taking her in., her cheeks hollow, her eyes had bags so deep in color it looked almost painted on, even her hair that flaming red seemed dull hanging limply around her face.

Sadness sweeps over you again, she looked so small now. This person was a complete opposite of what you had grown to know. It was then that anger, courses through. She should be suffering, how could she not? What she did to you, she deserved it. You shudder this wasn’t like you, this strong hate. She was your friend at one point, she shouldn’t be wasting away like this. It was still there though the anger, the pain.

Nat saw the shudder and the residual anger on your face. Taking a step back from you, she assessed the situation trying to find the quickest way out. She tilted to make her retreat when she paused.

“(Y/N), I… I can’t… I’m sorry. It should have never happened and I know you may never be able to forgive me but I am truly sorry.” She hiccups eyes filled with tears. For the moment you let the anger take over.

“It still happened, you let it happen. You choose this, you went behind my back and slept with my boyfriend. I told you everything about him and us. All the problems, the tears, and struggles. Everything! So no I can’t forgive you and a part never wants to. You lied to my face multiple times went behind my back. Heck, you're probably still sleeping with him still. But I get, you one, you got the guy. Just don’t expect me to be happy for you either.”

You were yelling at her by the end. Trying to show her just a glimpse of the pain you felt and the anger. “We aren’t together, we broke it off I can’t even look at him. Knowing what I did to you. Please, we want to make it better, I promise nothing is going on between us.”

“Your promises mean nothing to me now. I don’t think you fully know how much it hurt to not only lose both my best friend but to find I lost my boyfriend to her. I lost everything now because you two decided to go behind my back and pretend that what we had was real.”

You were so confused, she had gotten what she wanted. Bucky was her’ s and as far as you were concerned she could have him. Then why did you want to believe her? No, crave to believe it.

“I can’t do this with you any more Nat, just leave me alone.” With that, you shoved passed her.

You were fuming when you walked into the main room as your luck would have there sat Bucky at the kitchen counter. You almost went back the way you came, only you saw Nat still down the hall. You were quite literally between a rock and a hard place. You sigh and resign yourself to your fate of having two not needed conversations.

You head to the fridge pulling it open. Bucky’s head jerks up and stares at you rummaging through the food.

“Oh, hey (Y/N), I.. um.” You ignore him it clear he had heard your conversation with Nat. You tense, but you are actually kind of glad. He knew how you felt now, where he stood with you. Maybe he wouldn’t try anything now. It wasn’t meant to be as he clears his throat.

“You know what she said is true we haven’t done anything since you left. We are barely able to stay in the same room now.”

You bang the fridge door closed, your appetite now gone. “I don’t care Bucky, I’m sure you heard and I’ll repeat you won. You got what you wanted, nothing is holding you back from her. I don’t want to talk to you anymore either.”

“I need to talk to you though. I messed up, but I want to fix it. Please, I’ll do anything, just tell me what to do, doll.”

“Don’t call me that, I’m no longer your doll. Based on how this conversation is going I won’t be your doll ever again.” The name that once made butterflies erupt now left a foul taste in your mouth. You spin and march out of the room, huffing. You weren’t going to entertain them, they can’t just walk back in expect everything to go back. All because they finally understood how much pain they had caused. How much of a ‘mistake’ they had made.

You needed a distraction and fast, so you turned to the one person that had done so so far.

Bucky POV

She practically ran away from him. He drops his head into his hands. Why was this so hard? He opened up to her, admitted he was wrong. Sam was right, as much as he hated to admit it, this was going to be the hardest thing he was going to do.

Steve walked in to see his friends head laid low. He can up behind him clapping him on the back.

“Hey man, everything alright?” He takes a seat next to him.

“No, everything is not alright, I don’t know what to do Steve. She was just here, I apologized to her but she said it meant nothing.” He could wrap his head around it all. This wasn’t like her, this wasn’t in any way like (Y/N). She was the most caring, selfless person, no matter what happened she was always there for him. No, that she wasn’t he didn’t know what to do about it anymore.

“Bucky, I know it may seem helpless right now, but see it from her point of view. She has lost everything that she holds dear. She can’t just trust you again because you say you’re sorry. How many times did you lie to her? Go behind her back? I’m not saying you won’t ever be forgiving, but it will take time a lot of time. She has to learn to trust you again. I know Sam told you this but this is work and it’s hard, but I know you can do it. I’ll be here to help.”

Bucky blinked at him, after everything that he had done, no one would blame Steve for not trusting him. He wrapped his arms around Steve pulling him in close.

“Thank you, for believing me. You didn’t have to but you do.” He had tears on his face. Not letting Steve go.

“You were stupid but I know you can do better and will. This is your last chance, jerk I can’t help you if you screw it up again.”

“Punk, I’m not letting her go ever again.” They pounded the others back and let go.

“Don’t push Bucky, let her come to you that’s the only way this is ever going to work.” He nods and wipes his tears before anyone could see.

“Ok, I can do that. I need…. I need to talk to Sam. He has ideas, I’m sure he can help me.”

“He can, this is going to work out I promise. I like what you did with the dinner, I think she liked it too.”

Again Bucky nods. Leaving Steve he goes to find Sam. He just needs to talk get this all off his chest. He had kept up talking to Sam but instead of over the phone now it was just in person. Having come to rely on it, it was a little harder with (Y/N) around though. It seemed like Sam and she were attached at the hip. One could hardly find one without the other, whispering between each other and laughing at private jokes between them. They seemed to be getting awfully close.

FRIDAY informed him of Sams location in the gym. Moving quickly he headed down. Just as he was reaching the door though he heard voices.

“Sam, thanks for always helping me.” Bucky knows that voice, it’s (Y/N). He stops trying to listen in through the closed door.

They must have retreated farther into the room and with Tony’s impressive sound blocking all the rest of the conversation. He crept closer trying to see in without being seen. The only perk of his Winter training, observing without being seen.

What he saw though made his heart stop. There they were standing close to each other, not an inch between them, suddenly he sees Sam’s hand come up and cradle the back of her neck. He tilts his head and their lips collide.

Bucky jerks away. He’s lost her and he’s lost her to the man that said he was going to help him.

@veronicalei @ohlookfanfiction @theassetseyeliner @bustanut2k17 @luckynumber1213 @owhatshername1 @chipilerendi @caelestiside @anbrax5553 @fandom-writes @boundtomyfate @annie-are-you-okay @megs4real @marvelous-imagining @mizzzpink @coffeeismylife28 @yknott81 @chameerah @stevette60 @genlovesdcb @loveyourselfcreateyourself @winter-in-wakanda @buckyappreciationsociety @sammysgirl1997 @unicornqueen05 @sexyashmike @magpiemischief @steggy4ever @greeneyedgirls4 @melconnor2007 @iamwarrenspeace @justreadingfics @buckyismyaesthetic @gondorgirl01 @winterbuttmunch @s7sense @kjs-s

Shout out!!

I don't usually do this but I wanted to lift up a new friend of mine. They are a precious angel that writes some of the most awesome things in the world! The feels let me tell you it just never ends. I go from crying one second to smiling like a mad man the next! @sanjariti is the name and writing is their game!

AM I ENOUGH PT 6 Tomorrow

Hey part 6 will be coming out early tomorrow morning. I am finishing proof reading but considering I have to be up in 4 1/2 hours, I need to go to bed. Can't wait for you all to read it!!!

Am I Enough PT 2

Bucky X Reader 

Summary: An unexpected turn in your relationship with Bucky sends you on a journey that will hopefully find you back home one day.

Warnings: angst 

A/N: Hello everyone, I just wanted to start out with how thrilled and honored I was to have all of you read my new story. I am still getting the jitters from it all. Sorry, it took so long but here it is. This chapter is more of a stage-setter for what is to come and no bucky we catch up with where the reader is now.  

“When did this start between you two? How long has it been? Did it gradually come to be or did it just hit you one day? I asked if you had ever thought about the others, in an I-could-possibly-date way. Wait, was that when it all began? You actually thought about it and realized she would be better for you. I shouldn’t have asked, I mean I was so happy that you chose me over them but I brought this on myself didn’t I?“ 

“Can’t you just tell me? Answer me, Dang It! Do I now mean so little you can’t even give me a proper answer? I love you with everything I have in me, but that’s not enough for you is it? I wanted to believe that this would last forever but….“ 

Two weeks that’s how long it had been since you left. The road had taken you out through several states till you stopped at a quaint town. Big enough that you could get confused but small enough for people to know almost everyone and of all things it was called Normal, Illinois, because heavens knew you could use all the normal you could get. You managed to snag a place to stay at least for now and a job as well. Lucky for you the college had just gotten out so you found a room to rent for the next 2 months before school came back. 

It’s funny how in the movies people can just up and run away from their previous lives but not for you. The one plus side was that You could avoid all other text and calls from the team. It also kept your mind off if him. You spent part of your car ride on the phone with your boss telling, well lying that you had a family emergency that would take you away for a while. Luck struck again as she gave you the two months you asked for. The only problem now was your apartment. You couldn’t afford 2 rents. The rent in normal was about half it was in New York but still. This had taken quite a few more phone calls until you found a few friends that wanted to rent it out for a couple weeks at a time. It would be risky especially if they canceled but you had a smidge of faith left that it would work out. 

Now that you were at least for the foreseeable future to remain here, you focus on your new job, mostly because the other option is soul-sucking grief. It was a standard retail job in Uptown Normal, a little boutique that sold nic-nacs. It got you through the day and you made money. You threw yourself into it taking extra shifts and doing whatever necessary for the job. Anything to keep you from going home at night. 

The problem now was the nights, with nothing to occupy your thoughts, no tv or computer, you focused on what had happened. You had thought maybe the whole thing was a misunderstanding that Bucky would chase after you and explain. As each day went by your hope faded piece by piece. You weren’t hiding you still used your credit cards, your driver's license, he could find you, anyone could find you. But no one came, you must have been right in everything you said. You would have at least expected one of the others, Steve or Tony, at least, but you guess that was too good to be the friendship as well. How did this happen you had always prided yourself on being a decent judge in character, but apparently not the people you were those closest to you. 

It turns out it was good you left. You would feel bad forever forcing yourself onto others. When you thought this there was a knock on the door. Your head jerked up, zeroing in on the door, you weren’t expecting anyone. Maybe it was a simple case of wrong door. Again the knock, but this time it was followed up with, ”(Y/N), I know you’re in there please just open up.“ 

Gah, it was Steve. You start to have a mixture of feelings the first was surprised, he had come to get you. You were great friends so why not but you would have thought he would stay with Bucky, support him at this time. This led to sadness, tears pricking your eyes because Bucky couldn’t even come himself, he must have sent Steve. Which then provoked anger, that stupid pompous man couldn’t even take the time to come find you and fix things himself. When that thought hit you, grief ran through you wrapping its way through, making your limbs heavy and your breathing shallow. 

That was it Steve had come to say that Bucky didn’t want you back that you could stay right where you were. Far away from him, he didn’t need some has been hanging around his new girl. Once more the knocking began, "I’m coming in we need to talk." 

With that, he quickly dismantled the lock and stepped in. You stare at him while he approaches, but as he gets closer you get scared you didn’t want to hear it. No, you could move on right now, you could pretend this whole thing never happened. You scoot away from him whimpering slightly and shaking your head. 

"Whoa hey, I just want to talk.” He raises his hands, halting all forward movement. 

“No,” you shudder out, your voice weak. “I know what you want to say and I don’t want to hear it. I get it he doesn’t want me. I’ll stay away I promise.” At this point, your voice has broken and tears run down your face. You keep shaking your head keeping Steve at bay. 

Steve heart breaks, even more, his friend has done a real number on this girl. You were still huddled against the wall but now you had your hands over your ears, refusing anything he had to say. He sighed, kneeling down before you and wrapping his arms around you pulling you to his chest. For a moment, you resisted pushing against him, didn’t work very well as he continued to hold you in place. 

Finally, you fell into him allowing his comfort, you start to cry, sobs that wrenched through your body. For you, it was finally accepting everything that had happened to you. Taking in every feeling that you had held back through this whole thing. All this time you had refused to accept them, that everything that was happening you deserved, so you didn’t have the right to feel emotional about it. You were though, sad, angry the basic but fierce emotions held you. All you could do was cry while Steve held you. 

Eventually, the tears took their toll rendering you exhausted and quickly sliding into sleep. Steve felt you go limp against him. Glancing down he took in the tracks from the tears on your face, carefully wiping a few more away. He couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, he knew in some sense, had seen and talked with you, about how much Bucky had meant. You had discussed hopes and dreams, what the future would look like and how much Bucky had changed you for the better. To have all that taken away would make anyone’s heart shatter. He still didn’t fully understand what would make Bucky do this to you. 

You shiver slightly more from the lingering fear than the cold. He finally took in the apartment while looking for a blanket to wrap you in. It was sparse, to say the least, you hadn’t taken much with you when you left. A small studio, no bed, no dresser just an open suitcase with your clothes spilling out of it. In your haste, you hadn’t taken what you needed just enough to escape. From the info they had gathered they learned about your new situation and from what they could see you didn’t plan on coming back to New York anytime soon. 

He scoops your legs up draping you over him, but still firmly in his grasp. He pulls the blanket from your small blowup bed and wraps you in it. Looking down once more, he knows you intend to stay but not if the team and he have anything to do with it.

Lifting his hand up he whispers, “Guys, we have things to do. Let’s get started." 

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