Am I Enough PT 16

Am I Enough PT 16

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: Cliffhanger, Angst, I'm bringing it back, you had your chance to run

A/N: Hello all I am forever sorry for keeping you waiting but here is the next chapter.  This is also a wondering if anyone is still reading this. I may not continue this, so please leave a like or comment just to reassure little old me that some out there is still reading this.

You couldn’t help but accept what he said. It wasn't like they were doing anything other than sitting next to each other. Still, the slight pull on your heart made you ponder the past events. There was a general lack of trust from you. You questioned his every move and decision. You pull your arms around your waist willing the fear away, a feeble attempt to bring peace back.

Taking a deep breath you straighten up, "Well, lucky for me, your both in the same spot. I need some signatures on these documents."

They both seem startled at your sudden acceptance of Bucky's explanation. Though that was what they wanted. They come over to you grabbing the pens from your hand. They proceed to sign their lives away, all the while keeping an eye on your face, looking for any sign that you really didn't accept their answer.

Finally, the last document was signed and you shuffled the last paper into their respective folders. "Awesome and with that I am done for the weekend."

"Alright, that means we can start our spa day early." Nat rubbed her hands together in excitement.

You chuckle she had been hinting all week the various tortuous things she was going to do to you, to get ready for your party. You were pretty sure there wouldn’t be a hair left on your body except on your head, by the time the party started. You had a nightmare about it all last night. You shake your head as she clings to your arm leaving a very confused Bucky behind.

"So first we are going to start with a body scrub with a seaweed wrap after, then we are going…" You tune her out after that half the words she was saying you didn’t even know what they meant. Quickly putting all the paperwork away Nat tugs you to her chambers where you find Wanda and Pepper already lounging on the sofa each with a glass of champagne in their hands.

"Now that what I'm  talking about," You reach for Wanda's glass before she can say anything, downing the glass quickly. Wanda chuckles before reaching for another glass taking the empty one from your hand and placing the full one in its place. "So Nat was explaining, though to tell you the truth I have no idea what half of it is though I expect it is going to hurt."

Pepper leans over pulling you down next to her on the sofa. "Awe, sweetheart don't worry too much it is all for the better to bring that gorgeous face and body to its full potential. All the eyes are going to be on you after we are done with you. You won't be leaving alone tomorrow."

The girls are nodding their head, but you can merely shake your head at their antics. "Yeah, that’s what I was going for. I think my main goal is not to fall flat on my face in those heels you picked out for me."

"Oh please, you are going to rock that whole outfit." Nat has a smug look on her face. It was slightly frightening knowing that she had things planned to make her vision come true.

"Well, it won't help to put it off any longer let's get this show on the road. The sooner we are done the sooner I get to sleep."

"Ha that’s funny, you actually think you are going to sleep in the next two days." Nat resembles a Cheshire cat at this point the grin she is sporting strikes the fear of God into you.

You shudder, rising from your seat. The things that take place next you would forever be blocked from your mind. The pulling and tugging, the pinches and scraping. It would be the thing of nightmares for weeks to come. Men would shirk back in fear at the mere mention of the story. Finally, the pain ended, it was going on 4 am, for all the pain you had to admit your body shimmered and you felt as smooth as a baby's bottom. All the way from your head to your toes. Your hair had never been so perfect laying just right. Your robe slid gracefully the silk never once catching on a bump or scrape.

"Gah, please tell me you guys are done now. I'm pretty sure there isn't a part of me you guys haven't touched yet. My own parents never touched me as much as you guys have."

"Please, it wasn't that bad your just cranky cause you haven't had coffee." Wanda strolled upholding a steaming mug made just the way you like it.

"Yeah, that and the very precious thing we call sleep. I happen to like that very much." You grumble as you take a sip. You were positive you would have had dark bags if they hadn't rubbed some weird glue on your eyes. "So can I sleep now or is that a privilege for other humans?"

"I guess we can afford a small nap, but you have to do it sitting up. Can't have you ruining your hair before we have had a chance to take pictures."

"What?!! You're not done yet?! What more could you possibly have left." Spreading your arms you drift down into the sofa carefully placing your head back.

"Oh, honey that was merely the prep work. We have a couple more layers to put on before you're really ready."

Groaning you sit in frustration. "How can there be anything left to do? I barely look like myself already. How long is that going to take?"

"A few hours, no worries."

"No worries would be a few minutes not proceeding to spread more gunk on my face."  Scrubbing your face you rise from your spot and head towards the door.

“And where do you think you are going?” Nat is giving you a stink eye, positive that you are up to no good.

“Cool your heels Medusa, just going to the kitchen, I’ll be back in 5 -10 years tops I promise.” If you stopped now you were sure they would keep you with some lame excuse.

Racing away from the pits of hell you slide into the kitchen, catching the attention of the men currently chatting away while enjoying nice giant stacks of pancakes. There is a small mountain of bacon and sausage sitting in between them. Diving towards the sent you quick;y scoop up a couple pieces of bacon and chomp down quickly.

“Oh, why wasn’t I born a man, I wouldn’t have to put up with these stupid girly things and be deprived of this delicious, greasy goodness. Maybe I should just give up on this female thing.” Heads swung at that statement, each trying to ascertain how serious you were about this. From the look on your face as you savored every bite of bacon, you were completely convinced.

“Not that I really want to know, but what did they do to you in there?” Tony is eyeing you from the end of the table.   

You shudder just remembering it. “You really don’t want to know. It will haunt me for the rest of my days. That is why you can now call me Adam, that's my name now.”

“Well, you are the most gorgeous male I have ever seen you might have to be the one I turn gay for.” Sam comes next to you to hand you a plate of your own pancakes.

“Are you kidding, every one of you would go gay for me. Don’t even try to deny it.” You plop down next to Bucky, reaching across him to grab the syrup. “I swear those when are not real. WHo would put themselves through that just for a party? A bunch of harpies that’s what they are.”

Bucky leaned over to try to steal a piece of your sausage only to have you swat his hand and shot him a death glare. “I swear I will bite your hand off, I have been up for the past 26 hours and apparently I’m not even done. How can I not be done? I have never felt so violated.  I am not kidding you.”

“I wouldn’t say that too loud, they can hear it and then they will come for your soul. “ Tony whispered.

You quickly shovel more pancakes in, trying to get as much in before they really did come for you. “They can try but I won’t go willingly, I will take my own life if I have to. I can’t go back there.”

As if the devil himself had summoned them himself, the girls came in. “What is this about killing oneself?” They each lineup across the table from you, giving you a stink eye upon seeing what you were consuming.

“You can’t do anything now. I am no longer part of the female species. I am no a man. I have given up that side of me. Now go back to whatever scrub you were doing and leave me in peace.” There is a firm set in your jaw, you knew it was a hopeless cause according to the look they were giving you.

“Ha very funny but I did not put in all that work just for you to be a male tonight. But if that is how you want to play it you will be the most drop dead gorgeous man tonight.” You shrink into your chair, trying to hide under their gazes as their hands' plant on their hips one by one. “Now what exactly are you eating? Because it certainly can’t be carbs, RIGHT? We need to ensure you fit in your dress for tonight. So this will be your last bite of food until this evening.” Nat scoops up your plate with you feebly attempting to grab it back.

“You can’t do that, this is nothing but abuse. If that’s how it’s going to be I’m not going to the party tonight. You can’t just deprive me of food.” You stand up slowly backing away from the trio.

“Yes I am and I will.”

“Bucky?” You swing your head putting on the best puppy eyes that you can. “Don’t let her take me. Please, don’t let her have her way.” You work up a tear to add effect.

The guilt that courses through his veins and across his face is seen by all. “This party is for you, babe. If it’s just a few hours of this so that you stand out the most then…” He trails off as he is met with your shaking head. You search for a sympathetic face in the crowd, finding downcast gazes and approval of what Nat was doing.

“No, I won’t do it.” You hurl yourself over the couch and speed toward the elevator.

“Wanda, stop her.”

You are instantly halted and lifted in the air, the red mist from Wanda’s magic enveloping your entire body. She pulls you back and you’re turned so the rest can see you.

“I have been betrayed. Bucky, I shall never forgive you for this slight. This I promise you, I will get my revenge.” You send each guy a warning glare before you are pushed back down the hall.

“Oh quit your whining, you’re going to look great.” With that, the girls follow sending a wink back at the guys.

That was the last time any of the guys saw you….

The party was going full force. There was steam creeping along the windows adding to the energy of the party, the music vibrating throughout the room. Lights danced on the walls and ceiling, trapezing from person to person. Tony had spared no expense, there was food to feed a whole 3rd world country for a month and a small tower of presents that seemed to keep growing as time went on. There were people in every corner, they didn’t actually know you but when Stark through a party you had to be a fool not to go.

The Avengers were spread throughout each chatting with their own little group. Nat had a small herd of men each vying for her attention, the promises getting more outrageous as each tried to outdo the other.  Wanda and Vision were whispering in each other's ear while making their way through the buffet line. Steve, Bucky, Clint, and Sam were all chatting around the bar each with a beer in hand.

“So has the birthday girl arrived yet?” Steve asks glancing around the room.

“Nope, not yet. Though from the noises in that room earlier she very well may be dead.” Sam sniggered a reply. “I believe Tony is going to introduce her. Not that she is going to know half these people, but what can you do.”

Even the men had no idea no idea who some of these people were. They really were only there for you. Suddenly the lights went out and two bright spotlights came on. They circled the room quickly gaining speed until finally, they can to rest on the top of the staircase that leads into the hall. Tony was elegantly dressed, his suit sharp and his hair carefully arranged.

With his arms thrown wide, he began, “Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to my party. Really it’s not for me though, we have come together to celebrate a truly special girl. She is near and dear and a slight pain in the butt to all of us Avengers. Without further adieu, I give you, the one the only (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

The spots shifted over slightly to see the doors swinging open. Suddenly the whole room could see you. Your heart rate spiked and you palms began to sweat. “Pepper?” You look at the woman that is escorting you in. “I’m starting to think that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.”

She chuckles and squeezes your arm, trying to send some of her own strength and peace to you. “Well, it’s a little late for that darling. You can’t run away now they can all see you. Besides, don’t you want everyone to see all the work we put into tonight? Otherwise, Natasha will have done it all for nothing and her own pleasure.” She added that last bit in to give you a purpose. If there was one thing Pepper loved about you. It was your need to get the full value out of anything that came into your life. That included in this moment, the tugging and pricking you would flaunt it for all it’s worth she was sure of it.

And you did, straightening your back you cocked your hip and planted your hand there. Finally, Pepper dragged you forward and down the stairs. Placing each foot firmly on the next stair, one in front of the other,  to the rest of the world you commanded every step and captured every eye in the room with the sheer amount of confidence and ethereal beauty that seemed to surround you. The others could certainly see how all the work Nat had put into had paid off, but they could also see the slight shaking of your hands and how they quickly form into fists.

Steve leans towards Sam, “WOW, she looks stunning!”

“Yeah, she’s got all the guys and some of the women looking at her. But did you notice the shaking of her hand? This never was her kind of thing.” He was laughing. “There is one guy in particular though that I am finding quite amusing.” He shifts his gaze to the fellow next to him.

Bucky is currently starstruck, his eyes are trained on you and there is a slight glaze over his eyes as he tries to drink in every single movement, committing it to memory. He had seen you in the dress before but now with the lights shining on you, he couldn’t breathe. The dress flowed and your hair sat perfectly in an updo. It was like the dress itself was made for you. Even the cast was perfectly hidden up by a pair of fingerless gloves. Your jewelry matched and made the rest of you shine.

“Hey, lover boy! Got a little drool running down your chin. ” Sam shouts in his ear. He had called him several times with no response.  

“Gah really do you have to do that?” He rubs his ear finally having broken his gaze on you. He tried to subtly wipe his chin checking to see if what he said was true. “What do you want?”

“Instead of just looking at her why don’t you go ask her to dance or something.” Sam nudges him making him take a step forward.  “Come on take the girl around for a spin. She would really appreciate it. Save her from the dastardly view of everyone.” He grumbles but decided that is a very good idea. He stalks through the crowd.  

You see him coming toward you, and you feel your heart rate spike, threatening to beat right out of your chest. He looks stunning in a blue velvet suit jacket, it brought out his eyes and you found yourself getting lost in them like you did the very first time you met. Meeting him at the bottom of the stairs he reached his hand out, carefully placing your gloved hand in his, pulling you into his arms.

“May I have this dance?” He whispers in your ear.

Nodding he leads you to the center of the dance floor, taking he spins you and suddenly, it’s just the two of you now. You barely even hear the song, let alone the chatter of the rest of the room.

“Happy Birthday, (Y/N). You look stunning.” He has pulled you close whispering his words in your ear.

“Thank you. I could barely believe it when I saw myself in the mirror.” You are blushing rather fiercely.  Burrowing your head against him to hide it. He continued to move you around the silence between you comfortable, merely living in the moment no need to ruin it with talk.

Pulling away he leads you towards the others lounging at the bar. The whole way you were getting compliments and a birthday wishes. Hugs were exchanged as you reached the group.

Sam reaches for your hand kissing the back. “Hey, hot momma, you on someone’s arm tonight?”

“As a matter of fact, I’m not though you may need to fight this handsome fellow.” You shrug over toward Bucky as he sends a glare towards Sam.

“Hands off bird boy.  She is mine tonight.” He reaches for a glass of champagne handing it to you before grabbing a scotch for himself.

The group begins to chat and wanders off to mingle. You were having a great time talking to everyone and just having a good time. With work and everything else, you were glad to just relax and not have anyone need anything from you. Bucky had wandered off to grab you another drink.

You were having a lovely chat with Wanda and Pepper about a new TV series on Netflix that you were all interested. It was then that you noticed that Bucky had yet to return from the bar. You look over to find that Bucky is absent from the bar. You excuse yourself and walk overseeing Steve and Tony chatting in the corner.

“Hey fellas, you saw Bucky wandering around here?” You swivel your head hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

“Nah came over grabbed a drink and I guess Natasha and Sam called him over. They headed over to the balcony.” He jerked his head towards on side of the room to a more private balcony.

“Thanks, guys.” You wave and head that way. Looking out you can’t immediately see them. You feel your heart pick up slightly, you were having a moment of deja vu. Your palms start to sweat and you vision tunnels.

The door slides open slowly and hear “We shouldn’t be doing this. Not now.” Your breath catches in your throat.

“Yes, we should we need to talk about this our relationship….” They get really quiet their voices lowering to a mere whisper or maybe it was from the buzzing in your head, either way, you can no longer hear what they are saying. It is all drowned out. You freeze not wanting to hear anymore but you have to know you have to make sure.

You still can’t move, not wanting any of this to become reality. He had promised, he was never going to do this again. Things had been so good between you, why would he why? You were screaming in the head trying to find some sort of reason, some explanation. Finally, moving you creep out looking to the darkest area of the balcony. There was the familiar flash of fiery red hair and the glint of metal. Each way too close to each other. Eyes traveling up all you catch is two faces very close and pulling away from each other. An unknown look shared between them. Its then you feel a pain in your heart a sharp crack, with the startling realization that nothing had changed. He would always pick her over you.

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Start of Something New PT 4

Bucky X Reader

Warning: Fluff, regular shenanigans, and of course self-depreciation

A/N: Here we go again doing pretty well with the writing. Let me know what you think.

You were awoken by the feeling of someone moving on the bed. For a moment you think it is your cat so you reach a handout and start to run your hand through his fur. In your sleepy state, you barely register the laugh that follows. As you continue you realize that the fur is longer than it should be and slightly softer. Also, cats don't tend to have a deep chuckle.

Shooting up in bed you fling yourself back in the process sending you toppling off the side, a mass of arms and legs, landing with quite a hefty thump. You elicit a yelp before you sit up to find three faces peeking over the edge of the bed. They each have smirks on their faces and the girls are giggling behind their hands.

“Forget we were in the room (Y/N)?” Bucky asks offering his hand. You ignore it, heavens know you don’t need him struggling to lift you from the floor. Red in the face, you seat yourself on the edge of the bed to embarrassed to bother to look at them.

“Well, excuse me, I’m used to only having the cats in my space. I'm reminded why now they don't laugh at you, only silently judge you.” This signaled a cat to climb next to you stretching next to you. You rub a hand down his back. “See perfect example, love me even with all my clumsiness. Besides, there was never much reason for people to come over; let alone having some person gracing my bed. Not many lining up. Except for my cats which I appreciate.”  You make a retreat into the restroom before you stuck your foot in your mouth again and revealed more insecurities about yourself, trying to compose and wake yourself up. You were too open in that moment; you really hadn’t meant to spill that last little bit.

Once composed you emerge, pulling a sweater from the closet and turn. “Now my intruders, if you are finished laughing at my sleepy antics what time does movie night start?”

Sharing a look they all chose for the moment to ignore the comments and actions from earlier. Bucky decides to lighten the mood by rolling over onto his back, acting like one of the cats on the bed. “Well now, I don’t want to move. Why don’t you come back over here and continue what you so rudely ended.” He stretches and attempts, and really pulls off, a purr.

Strolling back over, “Oh are you not the cutest thing I have ever seen. Such a handsome fellow.” Bucky looks startled by your boldness before you run a hand down the back of your cat. “Such a pretty kitty. This is why we don’t talk to men. Can’t cuddle quite like a cat does and when they do they end up like the weirdo next to you.” Reaching over you flick Bucky’s nose before standing up straight laughing.

The girls head out and you follow out them out throwing your head back in a laugh. Bucky quickly rolls over and rushes after them, he yanks your arm as he catches up to you. Tucking your head into the crook of his arm. Cackling he starts to drag you along, your feeble attempts to break free only making him laugh harder and give your head a noogie. You swat his arms, trying to get him to loosen his grip. When he suddenly let’s go, you’re flung back onto the couch and then a heavyweight is planted on top. You grunt trying to lift him to no avail.

“Bucky gets off you weigh like a ton and a half. Just how many donuts you been sneaking behind Steve’s back?”

He shifts, another grunt escapes you. “I will have you know, Doll, that this is nothing but pure solid muscle.”

“Yeah, that’s not hard to believe, not an ounce of the brain with all that muscle going on.” You shove once more to no avail. “Definitely too many Twinkies. Steve, save me from this giant popsicle.” You reach a hand out pleading. “Please, I’m going I can feel the light fading, my world’s going fast. Save me, Captain! Save me!”

You let your hand fall limp and stick your tongue out making an exaggerated gasp, playing dead. Bucky shifts to look at you, wanting to see why the rest were laughing at you. He gets off and covers you completely with a blanket. “Captain, I would say you were too late to save this one. Tony find a good burial spot. Maybe make her tombstone a cat shape or something.”

You shoot both hands up playing your best mummy. “I live. Sitting up you begin to walk towards Steve. “Why Steve why? Why didn’t you save me?” You drape yourself over him. Wrapping your hands around his shoulders, you shake him. “You must avenge me, go forth, Sir. Get the man who did this to me!” You once more collapse against a nearby wall playing dead once more.

“Well Bucky, you heard the girl. I must avenge her. Prepare yourself.” You peak an eye open and stick your tongue out at Bucky knowing you had won this round. Steve picks up a pillow and chucks it at Barnes.

They continue to throw harmless items at each other. As they wind down you pick yourself up, grabbing another pillow you sneak around behind him. With a final swing, you pull the cushion around and plant it firmly in his face. Cheers go up, as you raise a fist in victory having defeated the great so-called Winter Soldier, finally, everyone begins to get comfy. It wasn’t until Steve got up and left the room that you yourself took a seat, making yourself comfy in the corner of one of the couches. Bucky slides onto the other side.

Steve re-enters carrying a few sweaters. He hands a couple over to the girls, who immediately put them on. He passes one to Bucky before stopping in front of you. He holds it out, but you merely give him a questioning look.

“It’s one of my sweaters the girls love to be warm.” He continues to hold it out. You reach out almost out of the instinct of not wanting to be rude.

“Yup, girls like to be warm and apparently Steve and Bucky’s sweaters are the best. Of course, I will say that I do appreciate a woman in man’s clothing something so sexy about it. They pull it off better than most men.” Tony leans over patting Nat’s thigh.

You hold up the sweater looking quickly at the tag before deciding there was no way you were fitting in it. You place it on your lap hoping that no one saw you reject it. Even if it was one of the men’s favorite things the problem was you were bigger than most men, none of the clothes fit you. There is nothing really sexy about splitting a man’s clothes when you were attempting to wearing them. It was just another mark against you. Another reason you really didn’t belong in this group of overly attractive people. You smooth the sweater down once more only to catch Bucky’s eye. You send a small smile his way.

“So what are we watching?” You inquire.

“Well since it is your first movie night I think, you should pick the poison.” Sam says grabbing a bowl of popcorn. “We do tend to go off Bucky and Steve’s need  to watch list.”

“Well in that case..” You quickly make your way through the movie selection. You go for one of your favorites; Beauty and the Beast.

“Really?” Tony raises an eyebrow. “You are going to go for a kids movie?”

“Yup,” You nod your head firmly. “If there is one thing you have to know about me is that I love my Disney and other animated movies. So don’t you dare start trash talking my choices.”

You sit back down as the beginning credits played. You felt a rush of excitement as you settle down. You look at the sweater, a twinge of pain spark through you, before placing it behind you on the sofa, hoping that no one noticed the movement.

The lights dimmed and the movie sends lights flickering through the room. Taking a moment you study each of your new roommate's faces, trying to get a little read off them. Some, like Steve, Clint, and Thor were drawn in taking in the plot and design. Others, noticeably Tony and Bruce, started to dissect and tried to improve Maurice’s inventions taking on the challenge of using only what they would have been able to find back then. Nat was dozing against Clint, not really taking the moment to finally relax. You shift once more to take in Bucky’s reaction, he seems to be enjoying the movie and you feed off of the energy coming from him.

You sing every song and silent quote the lines as they come up. Bucky can’t help but be drawn into watching you, the way your face lights up at certain scenes and marvel at the events unfolding as if it's the first time you were seeing it.

The dinner and dancing began and you leaned over toward Bucky. “My brother and I, when we were younger, used to dance to this song. Apparently, everytime we watched we would drag the other up and begin dancing. There is a rumored video of it as well.”

You looked at him only to find him already staring at you, a curious look on his face. A blush quickly covers your face and you jerk back to your side of the couch. Too close! Much too close. What were you thinking? Locking your eyes on the screen, willing the darkness to cover the redness and ease the awkwardness that is your bumbling self.

A faint chuckling reaches your ears, curiosity getting the best of you, you look over at the group of people hunched together watching something on Tony’s phone.

“What are you giggling about over there?” You kinda want to know, but at the same time, you really don't want to.

“I just found something extremely interesting.” The movie pauses before another video takes its place.

There on the screen is the small version of your brother and yourself. Spinning around clumsily, each of you fighting to take the lead, while also trying to watch the movie.

“How did you even find this? I’m almost positive it was on VHS. There is no way you found this online!” Jaw scraping the floor and your eyes bugging out you try to understand how he found this.

“Nice dance moves you got there,” Sam smirks and you can tell this isn't going to go away anytime soon.

“Oh my goodness, you are too cute in this video. How old are you?” Wanda has scoot forward in her seat trying to take in the whole video.

“I think I was like 2 or 3. Seriously Tony, how did you find this?” It had been forever since you saw this last.

“I have my ways, and apparently you have some ways too.” He saves the video and you hope he hasn’t also sent it to the team group chat.

“Psh, you are just jealous that I'm so cute. Money can’t buy that kind of cute.” You're trying to play off your embarrassment and you refuse to even glance at Bucky, quite sure your face will set on fire if you do. “Enough about me, back to the movie before I start taking away food from you people.”

Hands went up and they shook their head but mostly they were still laughing, you had a feeling Tony really did send it to the group chat. The movie flipped and people settled. When it came to an end another movie started, with no real interest your eyes grow heavy and you settle back into the couch letting it envelop you and send you drifting once more.

It was the shaking that woke you, couches shouldn't shake, you pry your eyes open. You're met with Bucky’s face stupidly close, not that you really minded in your fantasy, but still.

“Hey, Doll. Movies over, time for bed.”  He shakes you once more as you close your eyes “Hey, don’t make me splash water on you.”

Cracking your eyes open you glare, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I wouldn't? Well, maybe I'll just have to pick you up. Carry you away.” He goes to slide his arms under you.

Scooting back, you wack his hands. “Ha! Going to have to spend a few more a few more hours a week at the gym to lift my gorgeous self up, Sugar Plum.” A small, bitter chuckle escapes you as you rise from your seat. Stretching your hand back to grab the sweater off the back of the couch. Seeing Steve you return it, thanking him.

“Oh, you didn't need to give it back tonight. I would hate for you to be cold.” Steve takes it anyway.

“I didn't wear it, so we all good. I would hate to ruin a perfectly good sweatshirt.” Walking toward the hall. Lifting a hand you wave, “Thanks for a great night fellas, goodnight.”

They share a look, all trying to figure out just how you ticked, but of course, you don't see it. Getting ready for bed you go over your plan for tomorrow and what you would need. Who knows this may not be all bad, your big cat curls up next to you and you drift off to his purrs.

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Me again! Please ignore my previous ask. Just found your masterlist!

I'm glad you found it!

Am I Enough PT 17

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst a bunch of angst

A/N: I can’t believe I finished this. I want to apologize, I was only asking if people were still reading because it motivates me to write and as the chapters came out the fewer people noted it. From the first chapter had 300 + notes and chapter 15 had about 30. THANK YOU ALL for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I’m seeing only a few more chapters but I’ll let you know.

You bolted.

Ran as fast as your stupid heels would let you.

You didn’t look back.

Didn’t listen to their pleas as you stumbled towards the elevator trying to balance yourself.

To others, it would appear like you were merely drunk stumbling against the walls. Finally, the doors shut, not before seeing their faces. Your back met the wall and your legs gave out from the shaking. Your mind was racing. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, why would he?

The door opens to your floor but you can’t find the strength to move lucky for you there is a man waiting on the floor quickly catching the door before it sent you right back to where you didn’t want to be.

“FRIDAY, hold the elevator,” Tony whispered, without a word the doors remained open. Tony slid down the wall, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, before pulling you into him. It started with a single tear, Tony watched it fall, his heartbreaking, wondering how such a girl could ever end so broken in the corner of an elevator.

The rest of the team soon emerged from the next elevator over. Bucky was the first to come in view, you quickly turned into Tony burying your head into his neck, refusing look at him. Tony’s suit was soon soaked in tears and your shoulders shook against his grasp.

“FRIDAY, close the doors send us to my room.” The doors begin to shut. “Stay away Barnes, you’ve done enough.” With that, the doors shut, sending you up once more.

As the doors opened Tony helped you off the ground, walking you into the sitting area of his apartment before placing you on the couch. He quickly walks over to the bar to grab you a glass of the hard stuff, once done coming over and making sure you drink it.

“There you are, sweetheart, I got you. What happened?” He wraps his hand once more around your shoulders. Suddenly the doors ding and they both tense swinging to see who it was. To their relief it was Wanda, she quickly hurried over to you almost pushing Tony away as she pulls you into her.

“Draga, are you alright? You suddenly ran from the party. What happened?” She runs her hands over your hair shushing the cries coming from you.

“He… they…” You were choking on your own tears trying your hardest to contain them.

“Deep breath, Draga. It’s alright, take your time. Would you like some water or tea? Might help you calm down then we can talk about what happened. No rush though.” She continued to stroke your hair and travel down to your back. You nodded your head not trusting your voice. She doesn’t move but you can tell from the red in her eyes she was making the tea for you.

“Ok, black or green tea?” She asks gently. You whisper your answer. “Sugar or honey?” In a couple minutes the tea was floating over to you. Wrapping your hands around the mug you shakily lift the glass to your lips.

The warmth of the tea seems to calm you down a little. You take some deep breaths as you continue drinking.Tony and Wanda hover nearby, occasionally placing their hands rubbing their hands up and down your arms, merely assuring you that they were still there.

You finally set an empty cup down. You take a deep breath before looking at them both. You settle on Wanda, “When we were talking I noticed that Bucky had been gone awhile even though it was just to refill our drinks. So I thought maybe he got hung up talking with the guys.You pointed me towards the balcony,”You gesture towards Tony before taking a fortifying breath preparing yourself to continue.”So I headed over there and as I was opening the door I saw that hair. That red hair and his arm, and suddenly it was like that night so long ago. They were so close to each other like they were kissing or something. I….I don’t want to know. I don’t care what they were doing.” Your breath is coming in shorter bursts, your mind was reeling trying to recall everything but still trying to forget it at the same time. “I can’t .. I don’t want to remember. But at the same time, I want to know why. Why does he always chose her? I thought it was getting better. It was like it used to be like I was the only woman in the whole world. So why? Why is she so special? Why Am I Not Enough?”

You couldn’t continue, hyperventilating Wanda helps you bend over trying to control the amount of airflow. She continues to rub your back but she has added in quiet whispers, you cannot discern the meaning as she is speaking her mother tongue but it seems to be helping as you can breathe just a little easier. A few very stubborn tears make their way out and you lean your head into the crook of Wanda’s neck burrowing to get away from all the pain.

The elevator opens once more and out walks Sam frantically searching the room. When he sees you tucked on the couch he quickly walks towards you collapsing to his knees in front of you. You peel yourself away and throw yourself into the proven safe arms.

“Hey,” he grips on tight almost as if he can keep you together if he just holds on tight enough. “Hey baby girl, I just talked to Steve and Bucky. They said you ran into the elevator. What happened?”

You were getting a little tired of that question. Why wouldn’t they just let it go? They could talk to each other. The only thing you wanted to do now escaped into the beautiful oblivion that is sleep and forgets it all. Even if you had to face the truth tomorrow. The adrenaline was finally leaving you, with it came only whatever alcohol coursed through and you fell limp against Sam. Letting go of every ounce of control and strength left, leaving yourself completely in Sam’s care.

“You can take her to the guest room” Sam lifts you up into his arms while Tony shows the way. “Third door on the right. Let her sleep, we can explain what went down when you get back.” Sam merely nods before heading out.

He gently places you on the bed, pulling off your shoes gently tucking your legs underneath the blanket. He moved on to your hair pulling out any hairpins letting it fall down. When a tap on the door comes Wanda quickly drops off a glass of water with some aspirin before leaving quickly. Sam holds it up waiting for you to drink it. Finally, he goes to the bathroom grabbing a washcloth.

It is warm on your face as he wipes away your makeup erasing the tear tracks and soothing your eyes as he folds it gently upon your eyes. “Go to sleep baby girl I’ll be here in the morning. We can talk then.” He kisses your forehead and sits back. When your breathing evens out he grabs the cloth and exits the room quietly.

He wonders back into the main area to see the whole group, Bucky and Nat included. Walking around to the front so that he can take in every single one of them. Saying there was tension was an understatement, it ran thick through the group each one eyeing the other trying to figure out who was to blame.He makes eye contact with each one settling each one into their seats.

“Now, I think this is going to be a civil and informative conversation. Each of you will have a chance to speak until we are all on the same page. I don’t want to hear a single thing out of any of you. It is about time we get we our heads and facts straight.” He glares at each of them showing them a rare sight of how he truly works. “Let me remind you right now we are here because we all love her to different degrees keep that in mind. I want to hear from you, Tony, about what happened after (Y/N) left the party.”

Tony proceeds to recount the story an obvious hostile tone directed straight at the two offenders. Wanda can be seen nodding her head agreeing but as she takes in the emotions of the two in question. There is something about the remorse and the pain she is feeling, but mostly it is the lack of guilt or shame. She cocks her head taking in the two, they weren’t touching, weren’t even making eye contact with each other. In fact, they seemed at peace with each other like they had a full understanding of where they stood with each other.

Tony wraps up spitting some final insults. Sam shushes him, turning to the two in question, he gestures for them to start. Natasha begins stating everything almost like she was in a mission debrief making every point clear and concise. She had sought Bucky out, spurred on by the need to clear the air and finally be free of this burden.

“I saw Bucky approach us, Sam and I, at the bar. He was refilling (Y/N)’s drink. We started up a conversation and I thought now was a good time as ever to get it done. I figured we could finish it and move on enjoy the rest of the evening with his lady and I could enjoy the rest of the night. I wanted a more quiet environment make sure I left nothing out. We started to head to the balcony until Bucky stopped me and had Sam follow us. Figured we could have someone mediate for us and make sure there would be no misunderstandings if someone walked up. As you can tell that didn’t really go to plan.” She leans forward and buries her head in her hands. “It was because (Y/N) had found us talking the other day. I could see it in her eyes that she still had her doubts. I couldn’t get the sight out of my head. I want my best friend back and I figured the best way to do that was to figure out where I stand with Bucky and to make sure we both understood our positions.” She trails off, her eyes are glistening with tears.

As she falls silent eyes cast to the floor Bucky picks up, telling his story. “There is not much to say, it’s as she says. We talked and once we realized that we would never be anything ever and how much I love (Y/N), we hugged and that’s when I  heard her gasp. By the time I got inside Tony was taking care of her and told me not to come near her.”

The room falls silent as they each get lost in their thoughts, making their own connections and coming to conclusions. As they each affirmed their ideas they looked up and glanced at each other.

“Well, I’m guessing we have all come to the same conclusion. So now the only question is how do we get our girl to see the same thing as we do?” Sam is leaning against a wall and thinking about how to go about this.

For the next couple hours, the group started coming up with idea and plans. They worked like the well-oiled machine that they were and the best part was they working towards making the one person who held the group together the happiest they could.

When the sun rose the next day, they would start Operation Glue.

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Am I Enough PT 18

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: fluff angst, usual things

A/N: Well here we are things are happening. Don’t want to give too much away. As always thanks for reading. This is to CELEBRATE 400 followers, just know I appreciate you all and all the support.

Operation Glue started with sending Bucky and Nat on two different missions, to give you both time and space. While the group had taken a moment to hear them out and let them explain they were still rather angry with them. It really didn’t matter that Sam was there as insurance because it hadn’t worked. They were both instructed not to make any sort of contact with you and to let them handle it.

You had awoken to a fuzzy head and itchy eyes, as you rubbed the memories of the previous night came back. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes and you quickly scrubbed at them refusing to cry over him. Enough was enough, he had made his choice. As you glance around the room you find yourself in Tony’s room and upon the side table is a note.

    Time to get showered and dress, we have a full day ahead of us. Pack for a warm week and bring a swimsuit.

    Love your favorite,

    Tony

You chuckle, he was always trying to look out for you. You guessed he had plans to take you on some sort of vacation and for once you couldn’t find it in you to argue. You quickly head down to your room. Once packed and ready you head to the main room.

To your pleasant surprise, neither of the two heathens are there. Scouring the fridge you grab some fruit and yogurt. Sitting down you see Sam coming in rolling a suitcase, a smile breaks upon your face. You get to hang with your best friend and for some reason that warms your heart to no extent.

“Hey.” You call as he comes sits down next to you.

“Hey, sweet cheeks how are you feeling?” He leans over and pulls you into a sidewards hug.

“I’m alright Sam just a little heartbroken but I’ll be ok I think this trip will help, some time away will do me some good.” You squeeze him back before going back to your meal.

“For what it’s worth, I was with them when they had their talk yesterday, they wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea.” You chuckle bitterly. “Yeah, it didn’t really help. So we sent them on separate missions with express instructions not to talk to you. You know we would never allow them to hurt you like that again.” You nod silently not sure how to take this new piece of information. “Well we get to forget about them for a little while, we are going sightseeing.”

Tony finally emerges, “There is my beloved flower. Are you ready to get this adventure underway?”

“Yes, I am. To what exotic place are you taking me?”

“Well, I figured I would show you off so how does Spain sound to you?”

Squealing you pull him into a tight hug. “I have never been but always wanted to go. What are we waiting for?” You race back to your seat and grab your bags and quickly head to the elevator. Leaving the two men laughing at you.

It turns out you were waiting on Wanda, but she quickly caught up to you on the jet, making herself comfortable in the seat next to you. For the entire trip, you looked up different things to do and made a list of all the things you would love to do while there. You will admit a lot of it was just eating, drinking and just relaxing.

The next few days pass in a flurry of activity and you can say you have never been happier. The weather had stayed sunny and warm nothing too hot just perfect. Sam and Wanda dragged you to all the popular spots, while Tony fed you from the finest restaurants and food stand. Of course, everything was paid for by him, every day he handed you a new wad of cash even if you hadn’t run through the previous day's allowance. Spoiled was what it was though at the back of your mind you knew it was merely them taking your mind off present situations.

They did a good job, at least until the night crept in and you were alone in your room, then came the memories, the worries, and the pain. This particular night it seemed to weigh heavy on your mind, with the others soundly sleeping you snuck out to the living room of Tony’s apartment. Grabbing a glass of water you settle on the lounge chair facing out onto the ocean. The light of the moon reflected off the waves and with the window slightly cracked the faint ocean sound seeped into the hearing. A sense of calm overcame you, provoking thought and questions to your predicament. The big question was what would happen now, you could leave but it just felt like you were running away from your problems.

Your vacation soon came to an end and you found yourself a little melancholy about it. This had been a great experience and you wished it would last a little longer. You knew you would eventually have to face the music but that didn’t mean you wanted to leave such a great place.

With your bags packed and you all loaded into the jet, you took off into the sky. You let out a sigh, relaxing into the chair. Turning to Tony, you take him in. He was a well-traveled man, a person that had literally seen the world.

“Hey Tony,” he grunted informing you that he was listening but never taking his eyes off his screen. “What has been your favorite place to travel to?”

He lifts his head, staring off, “Hmm I would say Dubai was pretty amazing, lots of things to see and take in. Though Hong Kong is up there as well, the industrial aspect to be able to make so much, have them replicate to a certain extent and then produce a cheaper version, it is quite astounding ….” He goes on mostly naming places where sciency things went on, you look out the window waiting for him to finish.

When he does you turn to Wanda, “What about you? I’m sure that you have been quite a few places.”

“Hmm, most of the time I am on missions and the like so I really don’t get the opportunity to take in the sites, though I will say I am more of a nature kind of person, being able to see the beauty that each country has to provide away from the busy cities. That's probably why I would pick Wakanda as one of my favorites, the blend of nature and city always astounded me. Of course, I would also say Sokovia was gorgeous as well, the mountain air and views would take anyone's breath away.” You could tell she got lost in the moment, her eyes focusing on distant memories, slight tears from the loss of those times.

“Hey what about me don’t you want to know where I have been?” You chuckle at his whiny tone as if he hadn’t been next on your list. You nod, asking him to continue. “I think my favorite place was the good US of A. There is just something so amazing about seeing the country you live in and how many different and diverse places there are. I think the best way to see it though is by car, preferably a convertible for the summer time. The country seems to come alive during that time, though the other seasons can be fun as well. I think one of my favorite places was a Renaissance fair in Wisconsin. Taking in the good old days. Now that is good traveling.”

You smile for some reason you were expecting Sam to say the US. He had that homebound feel to him and you found your thoughts drifting to the idea of traveling. The rest of the trip they swapped their favorite places and stories drawing you into a world you had only heard in passing and seen through pictures on Instagram. By the time you reached home, your mind was swimming with thoughts and ideas.

When you landed the group was there to greet you, upon seeing Nat and Bucky you gave them tight lip smiles. Nodding but saying nothing, shuffling the group into the elevators and into the family area you began another game night. Despite the way you left you pushed away from the impulse to lock yourself into your room away from the sad and prying eyes of Bucky you know you would have to face him eventually but for now, you wanted to spend time with your family.

The night wore on and eventually, a yawn escaped, signaling the end of the night. As you said your goodnights, you felt your mind go back to your earlier thoughts. When your door closed you moved your computer to your bed, searching and filling your mind with far-off places as you drifted into sleep.

It was only a couple days after your return that you finally came to some decisions about your life and what you wanted to do. When the team dinner came around you patiently waited until the end to finally disclose your plans.

“Everyone, I have an announcement.” You wait until every eye was on you to continue. “I am leaving,” The group quickly voiced their opinions, some jumping up to try to reason with you. You held your hand up to gain silence once more. “I am not leaving for good but I want to travel and see the world, the farthest I’ve gone so far is to the Midwest and I ended up working most of the time I was there. Going to Spain was the best experience of my life so far and I want to see more of it.” You look around at the room gauging their reactions and from what you could see it was pretty good but you could see the hesitation on their faces.

Upon hearing you finish your announcement Bucky quickly stood up a panicked look on his face. “(Y/N) may I speak to you please? In private.” He turned away without even looking to see if you followed. He went out to the patio. You joined him only to find him pacing back and forth. You knew this would come but you had wanted it to be on your terms and when you wanted. Seeing him though, all tense and his fist clenching, as he berated himself under his breath you pushed back the fear you felt creeping up on you as you walked out here.

“Please tell me you aren’t leaving because of me? Please don’t leave because I screwed up.” He shouted once he finally stopped moving.

“No, I’m not," You take a deep breath trying to gain more strength to say what needed to be said. "the truth is, I’m doing it for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where my life is headed anymore, I feel like I’ve been stuck in the random place with no goals and no real future planned out. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I love you guys but I… I just don’t know about a lot of things. I don’t know if I can forgive you or Nat for what you have done. I understand it was a misunderstanding and it wasn’t what I thought it was. But it was like reliving all the pain again. That moment even if it was just a hug and Sam was there. The only thing I kept thinking about was you were going to keep picking her that I was never going to be enough for you. That no matter what I did you were always going to pick her over me.” Bucky goes to interupt lifting his hands up in an attempt to make you understand. You quickly shake your head at him. “I know Bucky, I know what you mean, but this isn’t something that will just go away. You may not have meant to hurt me but you still made me feel hurt and betrayed.” His hands dropped, shoulders slumped and eyes dejected and sullen. He was finally accepting that he there was a very good chance he was going to lose you forever and there was nothing he was going to be able to do about it.

Finally, he took a deep breath in raising his eyes to meet yours. “For what it's worth I’m sorry. I really was just trying to fix things. But your right I can’t help how you felt and I am eternally sorry that I could ever make you feel that way. I just need you to tell me what to do to make it alright. Please.” He begged, pleading to once again give him another shot. “I know I made a mistake and I promise, I swear, I won’t ever do it again.

I understand that might not mean a lot, heck its an empty promise, but I will prove it to you. As long and as much as you need me too. He picks up your hands holding them gently in his grip, desperate to show you he was serious about this. “I’m willing to wait, because you are worth that and so much more, even if it takes a lifetime. Even if….” his voice cracks with what he is about to say. “Even if you choose someone else, even if it’s Sam. I want, no, I need you to be happy. To get everything you deserve and want, even if that is not me. I am hoping in time though you will also forgive me as well. Please just give me a chance to prove it to you. His eyes were filled with tears and his lips were pressed into a thin line waiting for your decision.

He searches your face, looking for any reaction. Any sign that you were willing. He finds your eyes filled with tears and a slight hitch in your breath. You drop your head into your hands you let out a sob.

“Please… please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He goes to pull you into him but freezes his motion doubting if this was what you wanted. He was the reason you were so upset, from what he has seen it should be Sam that is comforting you not him.

He turns, going to grab Sam hoping that he can make you all better. Looking up to see him leaving, you reach out a hand almost on instinct, pulling him back with a strength that neither of you knew you possessed. You pull him into a crushing hug. You weren’t about to let him go without finishing your talk. You lean your head onto his chest, letting the sobs and pain wrack your body, letting yourself once again grieve over everything you had and everything you had lost. Embracing that you didn’t quite know what the future held for you but knowing you had to face it and you had to think about yourself at this moment. Pulling you in tighter he rocks you back and forth, rubbing his hand up and down your back, doing his best to soothe you.

When your cries finally fade into the occasional sniffle and hiccup you look up at the man holding you. Running your eyes across his face, looking for some sort of sign that what you were about to do was the right thing. You take one more shuddering breath before stepping back from his arms.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you right now.” You see his shoulders slump, but as he takes a breath in he straightens once again. “That's not to say that I won’t ever forgive you. We have been through too much though, in such a short amount of time, I haven’t truly been able to sort through my feelings.” You take a tentative step closer to him, placing your hand on his arm. “I do know that I do love you, don’t think I have ever stopped, that being said its time for me to take care of myself though. I need me time not quite sure what that entails, or how long, but I’m not looking to rush into anything with you or anyone else. You did say you would wait and I need you to hold to that.” You rub his arm, a silent plea for him to understand.

Simply nodding, he draws you into one final hug, thankful that you had heard him out and that you had finally got your opportunity to talk. You both spin around to find the whole group crowded around the doorway. You quirk an eyebrow at them. Most of them had silly little grins on their faces, some were nodding, Tony was looking a little close to crying but with a proud look on his face.

“Really guys, you guys gonna just snoop on a private conversation?” Trying to give them the best evil eye you could.

“Hey, we are as invested in this situation as you and Bucky. Besides we also wanted to know why you suddenly decided to travel.” Sam said everyone nodded in agreement, as he pushed through the group to draw you into a hug.

You merely laughed, drawing back to shake your head at the group. Suddenly a thought occurred to you, “Hey Bucky, you said even if its Sam, what does that mean?”

“Oh well, you see a while back I saw you in the gym and I saw the two of you kissing. Then you guys started acting all sweet on each other. I thought the two of you were seeing the other.” He blushes as he admits this, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. When he looks up to confirm his suspicion he finds you both have a look of disgust on.

“Oh that, the incident that should never be talked about again,” Sam states shaking his head. “That was a decidedly, mutually bad decision. A misinterpreted feeling that ended up with us kissing. Sorry to say but this one,” he bumps your shoulder, “has been permanently been placed in the friend zone and even the family zone really and we all know that there is no coming out of that. I’m sorry to say that she will never get to indulge in the greatness that is myself.”

You shove him away tired of his ridiculousness. Bucky socks him in the head. You all head into the main room, chatting about the upcoming adventure. Things were looking up and you had a chance to finally do something worthwhile.

An adventure of a lifetime and you just couldn’t wait for it to begin.

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