Just A Lil Casual, Bump And Grind

just a lil casual, bump and grind 🤭

i feel like hak would be into thigh riding and i simply can’t get the image out of my head

honestly? yes. just yes 😵‍💫 I'm gonna keep bringing up my "hak is a giver" advocacy bcos he's got those vibes for me 😔✋ (but let's save that thought for a rainy day.)

...instead, let's make this a bit spicier shall we?

Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI), thigh riding, semi-exhibitionsim (I think, but they dont get caught, just in the same area? pls correct me if im wrong), fingering, use of pet name "baby"

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

You probably didn't even know you had a thing for thigh riding... up until today that is.

And all it took was you and Hak sitting at the back of a car.

You were on your way home from a day trip to the beach with some of the boys, you and Hak happen to be seated at the last row of the SUV. Because there were too many things that were brought, you had no choice but to sit on Haknyeon's thigh the whole ride back.

He was fine with it of course, since the stuff they brought was occupying the seat beside him (plus it gave him a reason to kinda cuddle you).

Everyone in the car was asleep except you, Hak, and whoever was the designated driver. It was getting dark driving back, seeing the headlights of other cars passing by.

You found having Hak's arms wrapped around your waist very comfy actually, you could've fallen asleep too if you had the chance (and he wouldn't mind).

.... but the car just had to pass a bumpy road.

The bumpy road caused you to slightly bounce and move on Hak's thigh, adding a delicious friction to your core. You accidentally let out a very tiny whimper, making your eyes widen. Shit.

Oh, Hak definitely heard that sound. He even felt your core throb a bit on his thigh. He tightens his hands on your waist and whispers in your ear,

"Are you okay there?"

"Mhmm, I'm fine Hak. Just a little uncomfy from the bumpy road."

"Are you sure? Sounds to me it's making you feel the opposite."

A moment of silence falls between you two and just like clockwork, you pass by a big bump, making you accidentally grind on his thigh again. You let out a small gasp, trying not to wake the others.

Oh if you could see Hak's face right now, the mischievous grin he's making. He begins to intentionally rock your hips back and forth on his thigh, making you whimper again like the 1st time.

You suddenly feel one of his hands snake under your loose shorts, fingers circling your aching bud at a slow but satisfying pace.

"My my, already wet because of my thigh? It's okay, I got you."

You continue to grind on his thigh while he has his fingers on your bud, the bumpy road adding more friction to the mix has you biting your lower lip to refrain from letting anyone hear what's going on between you two at the back of the car.

It doesn't help that Haknyeon nips your earlobe, almost making you let out a louder moan but his hand is quick to cover your mouth.

"Shhh, you have to keep quiet now. You don't want the others to know how much of a needy baby you are, hm?"

YOU TOUCH MY FACE IN FORGIVENESS—

—i burn with a thing i still have no name for.

or, alternatively: enhypen, as supernatural creatures.

i. lee heeseung

fae /feɪ/ anthropomorphic magical beings that are more than mortal but less than god. commonly mistaken as: fairies.

ii. park jongseong

ghost /ɡōst/ the soul of a dead person believed to be an inhabitant of the unseen world.

iii. sim jaeyun

werewolf /ˈwerwʊlf/ a person who changes for periods of time into a wolf, typically when there is a full moon.

iv. park sunghoon

vampire /ˈvæmpaɪər/ an undead, humanoid creature that feed on the blood of the living

v. kim sunoo (coming soon)

gumiho (구미호) a shapeshifting nine-tailed fox.

vi. yang jungwon

bakaneko (化け猫) a type of shapeshifting cat yōkai.

vii. nishimura riki

tengu (天狗) winged japanese mountain and forest yōkai.

— [12:17AM]

pairing:  p. jongseong x gn!reader // content: college au, mentions of alcohol consumption // lowercase intended // wc: 781

a/n: just your average best friends with unconfessed feelings au... this time in drabble form! this is also my first fic on this acc so i hope you enjoy! please give feedback if you liked it, it would mean the world ♡ ps. happy comeback day!

the night air sits a little chilly on jay's skin, his t-shirt and jeans not doing much to keep the warmth on an september night. if he looked on the bright side, jay supposes it's a good thing the alcohol comfortably buzzing in his system lets the cold turn into more of a cool breeze, but on the other hand...

"jay, i think the world stopped spinning!"

jay sighs, turning his head to you. you turn back to him, eyes shining bright as you lean your head on the swing chain. his jacket runs a little too big on you, the ends of the sleeves covering your palms as you hold onto the swing. "do you wanna go for round 2?"

"we have to go home," he chides, exasperated.

"oh relax," you wave off, pushing up the sleeve to take a good look at your empty wrist. "it's only um... 11:00! live a little!"

jay whips his phone out, the time on the lockscreen glaring at full brightness. "it's midnight."

you pout, kicking the bark beneath your feet sullenly. your right heel comes flying off, landing somewhere between the park bench and the see-saw. "lame..."

jay gives you a flat look, making a mental note to pick up your shoe before you leave the park. “you barely made it out of the karaoke bar in one piece, and you want to go for a round 2?”

“well i’m here, aren’t i? perfectly fine and normal!”

“really? what street are we on.”

"you know i'm bad with directions!"

he resists the urge to run a hand down his face. the only reason jay even agreed to coming to the college mixer with you was because he knew you wouldn't fare well if left on your own. the last time you went out drinking, you threw up in the bushes a couple feet behind the street vendor, and the time before that, you'd drunk-dialed him at 3:00AM in tears, and when he managed to get out of the house wearing mismatching flip-flops ready to find you, your friends had managed to grab the phone from you and tell him that you were only crying over a stray cat that wouldn't bother to give you the time of day.

and of course, he was there for you both times, and all the times before that, which only meant that he needed to be there for you this time too. (jay tries not to think about the implications of that statement for too long, otherwise he'll start feeling as stupid as heeseung's all-seeing looks tell him he is.)

you narrow your eyes, waggling your finger at him. "so are you gonna tell me about it?"

"about what?"

"the mixer!" you exclaim. "i saw minjeong making googly-eyes at you the whole time. did you get her number?"

jay pauses. "who?"

you throw your hands in the air, exasperated. "um, kim minjeong? literally every guy in our year would pay to get her to even look at them for five seconds, and she was looking at you all night. for free!"

frowning, jay tilts his head. “doesn’t ring a bell.”

you lean back on the swing, and jay readies himself in case you lose balance and fall backwards. "you're so hopeless, jay. i keep inviting you to these things cause everyone keeps calling you painfully single, but we end up having this conversation every time. isn't there anyone you like?"

yeah, he bites his tongue. you.

he could say it. he could say it right now. maybe if he said it, then it would be like ripping off a bandaid. quick—not quite painless, but it had to be better than existing in this weird limbo where he's the first one you call when you're drunk and you're the first person he thinks of telling when anything good in his life happens. if he said it, no matter the result, at least he wouldn't have to keep it a secret anymore. at least you would know.

but instead, jay says:

"it's late. we need to go back."

there's a brief pause, one where you shift in your swingseat and the cold metal presses against the skin of his palms as he wrestles with the weight of everything he's squashed down inside him, yet again.

“…can we at least get fishcakes on our way home?" you ask, and you at least have the decency to sound a little sheepish about it.

your shoulder moves slightly, jacket slipping off your shoulder. jay sighs, walking over to adjusting it, before zipping it up fully. it would only get colder through the night. he really was an idiot.

"yeah. the usual?"

He took that chance! 😆🎯

lucky strike | l.dh

word count: 2.3k | genre: arcade employee! haechan, high school au, (sort of?) f2l, mc and hc are very cute | warnings: none

Haechan notices you the moment you step foot into the arcade. After all, it’s not every day that his crush walks into his workplace, unaccompanied and teary-eyed. You stick out like a sore thumb amongst the neon red and blues of the pinball machines, pristine white shoes thudding against the cement floor which hasn’t been cleaned in years.

He hasn’t had the opportunity to speak to you much, considering the both of you are in entirely different social circles. However, he does know you’re a responsible class representative and someone who never hesitates to greet him with a smile in the morning, which he shyly returns. His friends have teased him endlessly for the way he seemingly becomes mute when you approach, his cheeks always heating up. Haechan is extroverted, but he supposes even he becomes withdrawn in the presence of your warmth and friendliness.

Which is why the unfamiliar sight of you crying immediately sends a pang to his heart, but he’s not entirely sure how to approach you without making the situation become uncomfortable. You likely want solitude, and it’s the least Haechan can do to let you have it, both as a well-behaved employee and an almost-friend.

It’s a quiet weekday at the arcade, and Haechan’s eyes follow you as you move from the token machine to a few different games, until you finally settle on the fishing one. Throughout, your expression remains unchanged, even though you occasionally sniffle slightly.

Fuck it, Haechan thinks. Before he knows it, he’s made his way over to you, and he knows how clear the difference is between the both of you. While Haechan wouldn’t call himself a delinquent, he’s definitely not the model student you are. He’s had one or two tardies this semester, and his red Converse is definitely not in line with attire rules. Still, you light up at the sight of him, a wobbly smile making its way onto your face.

“Oh, Haechan-ah. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Haechan wants to say that your appearance here is even more unexpected, but instead, he rubs the back of his head nervously. “I work here.” Your mouth drops open in a silent ‘o’ of understanding, and he can’t help but think it’s one of the cutest things he’s seen.

“You shouldn’t play at the same seat. You’ll have a higher chance of winning if you switch the player more often,” Haechan blurts out. He’s afraid of allowing the silence to become too awkward, and so he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet anxiously.

You raise your eyebrows at that. “Really? I didn’t think it made a difference. Thankfully you work here. Do you want to sit and play with me?”

“Huh?” Haechan’s eyes widen, slightly taken aback. You’re asking him?

“Sorry, I forgot that you must be busy considering you work here. Please don’t let me disturb you.” Your cheeks are red from slight embarrassment, and you’re mentally kicking yourself for even making that ridiculous request. He must have just wanted to say hello. Now you’ve put him in a spot, Y/N.

He shakes his head fervently, so hard that it startles you. “No, I’m not busy at all. I’d love to. Besides, if I play with you, we can get more tickets.” Haechan immediately pulls a chair over, and you pass him your stack of tokens. The both of you play a few games, enough for you to realize that Haechan is much better at this than you are.

However, when you remark on his skills, he shrugs nonchalantly. “I used to play this every day when I was a kid.” Your eyes widen, and you grin a little. “Really? Me too!”

“Well, you’re quite bad at it for someone who says she plays often,” he teases, and you roll your eyes. ‘Okay, whatever you say.”

It’s interesting how rapidly your mood lightened the moment Haechan appeared, a wide smile on your face compared to your previously glum expression.

He clears his throat then, eyes shifting around. “What is it?” You ask, looking around as well.

“I just…sorry. This might be a bit too nosy of me. You don’t have to reply or anything. But your eyes were a little red when you came in. Are you alright?” The genuine concern in Haechan’s voice is surprising to you, considering the nature of your acquaintance. However, his doe-brown eyes are earnest as they stare into yours, and you find your gaze escaping to your feet, which tap on the floor nervously out of habit.

A small laugh escapes you, and you nod. “Yeah. It was just a bad argument with my parents. You know how it is. I just came here because I needed a distraction.” Haechan nods, sympathizing with your situation. If anything, he finds his fondness for you growing. The way that you’re so kind and welcoming to everyone at school, and to him, even if you’re having a bad day.

“Well, feel free to drop by whenever. Though preferably on weekdays, since that’s when I work. The other guy, Jaemin, is really strict about tickets. I’ll throw in freebies for you though.”

Haechan’s words allow your smile to grow even brighter, and he feels a sense of pride in seeing the way your shoulders gradually become less sunken and a familiar twinkle returning to your eye.

Suddenly, he gets up from where he’s sitting, causing your eyes to fix curiously on him.

“I’ve got a place to show you. Come on.” You immediately get up to follow after Haechan, who winds past the claw machines and basketball hoops to a more isolated part of the arcade.

A faded wooden sign dangles above the capsule machines, neatly lined up in rows . The light barely reaches this side of the arcade, and Haechan turns on a lightbulb that flickers precariously in the smaller space. Compared to the almost-deafening noises outside, this feels almost therapeutic in some way.

“MBTI Fortunes? I haven’t seen this in a while,” you mutter in mild surprise.

“This is one of my favourite sections. Try it.” You immediately head over to the roller machine and turn the knob, stainless metal cool against your fingers. Barely seconds later, the familiar sight of a red ball rolling gently down the chute enters your vision, before it lands neatly in your hand.

You tilt your head towards Haechan. “You try it too,” you say, smiling. So he’s an ENFP, you think, as he walks over. It makes sense, you suppose. Haechan’s definitely extroverted from the way he acts with his friends, and he’s constantly the center of attention. If anything, you wish you had more of his effortless confidence. There’s no way you could ever approach someone like he did. But you’re impossibly grateful for his presence.

“Should we open it?” He says, throwing the red ball up and catching it smoothly as he makes his way back over to you.

It takes a while, but the both of you eventually manage to twist the capsule open, unrolling the tiny folded piece of paper. Haechan holds it up to the light, squinting to read the writing.

“Take a chance. It just might be a lucky strike,” he mutters, humming in thought.

However, your voice rings out much clearer than his and causes Haechan to pause. “A heart-fluttering event will happen to you today.” You clear your throat nervously, cheeks immediately reddening. Right now, there’s only one person in mind, and he’s standing right in front of you.

“Ah…don’t get too bothered by it. These are all just random anyways.” Haechan is perturbed by the slight stutter in his voice, the way his pulse is speeding up, and how he’s unable to look at you for too long. It’s just because you’re pretty, he thinks. It’s not good to look at pretty people for too long, or his ego will be hurt.

When the both of you make your way back to the main area of the arcade, the silence becomes awkward, but it’s an almost endearing sight. You fiddle with your fingers, but you’re unaware of the fact that Haechan is the exact same.

“Well, thank you for today. That was fun. I should let you get back to work. I’ll see you in school?” You mumble, a faint smile on your face. Haechan nods eagerly. “Yeah. I'll see you.” He wonders if he’ll be able to strike up the same conversation in school. He thinks this is the longest time he's ever interacted with you, and he hopes it isn’t the last.

Haechan can’t help but feel slightly forlorn as he watches you make your way towards the exit of the arcade, red capsule ball in hand. His work is going to feel much longer without your presence. His eyes inevitably drift to the piece of paper that he, for some mysterious reason, hasn't yet thrown away. Take a chance, it says. Haechan's a spontaneous person. The most spontaneous one he knows, actually. Still, he finds it a bit hard to make rash decisions when it comes to you. Maybe it’s because your work is written in neat, clean lines while his is more of a legible scribble. Or that your stationery is neatly categorized in the same color while Haechan’s is more of a haphazard rainbow.

Still, he hopes you’ll accept the slightly disorganized mess that is him.

“Jaemin’s going to kill me for this,” he complains, as he makes his way towards the area containing all of the redeemable prizes. Still, he thinks it’s a worthy tradeoff, facing the wrath of the grumpy blue-haired man who acts like he’s so much older than Haechan when he’s just a college student.

You’re just about to turn a street when you hear the thundering of footsteps on cobblestone behind you, and you’re quick to turn around, alarmed. Haechan almost crashes into you, out of breath and face flushed.

“Haechan? Is something wrong?” There is evident alarm on your face, and Haechan shakes his head vehemently. Just then, you look down at what he’s holding in his hands and let out a slight laugh.

“Did you run all the way here…for this?” You ask.

“Yeah. It’s…for you.” Haechan extends out the Cinnamoroll plushie to you, an expression of anticipation on his face. You take it from him, smoothing your hand over its fluffy ears. A certain sense of warmth fills you. Maybe this was the heart-fluttering event the paper mentioned. Because you’re quite sure that your pulse is now fluttering wildly as you look at Haechan.

“Thank you. But how did you get it? I definitely didn’t have enough tickets for this.” There's a curious glint in your eyes, and Haechan lets out a little scoff.

“Well, I have some benefits as an arcade employee, I suppose,” he says nonchalantly. What he doesn't tell you is that he's now in crippling debt to Jaemin, and will likely spend much more money winning the tickets to pay it off than if he just bought you the plushie.

Seeing the radiant smile on your face only encourages Haechan to make another rash decision. Maybe he’ll fall flat on his face, but he wants to at least try.

“My shift ends in an hour. I know a really good tteokbokki place,” he says, the words coming out of him in a rush, and then realises the abruptness of his statement.

You smirk slightly, and it’s an unfamiliar expression to Haechan to see you so playful, but he doesn’t mind it at all.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Your confidence is sudden, but you find that it comes more easily with Haechan around.

“It can be one. If you want it to be,” Haechan replies immediately. His gaze is much more determined now, and you’re almost intimidated by it. But you refuse to back down, especially when this is everything you’ve ever wanted.

“Okay. It’s a date.” You can’t hide your smile when you say it, and immediately saunter back in the direction of the arcade. Haechan, who still can’t wrap his head about the reality of the situation, automatically follows you. His crush agreed to go on a date with him. You, Y/N, model student and the girl who Haechan thinks has the most beautiful smile he's ever seen in his life, has agreed to eat tteokbokki with him. It's a small start, but a start nonetheless.

“Wait, actually? Also, why are you going back to the arcade?” He asks, confused.

You hold up the soft toy, not even looking back. “Apparently, someone’s in debt. I should return the favor, right?” Oh fuck, I said that out loud. You don’t bother to reply his first question, and Haechan’s quite sure he looks rather ridiculous with how big his smile is.

When the both of you are back, you immediately make a beeline for the fishing game again, looking even more committed to it than previously. The soft toy is placed gently in your lap, and you occasionally hug it unconsciously. Haechan's heartbeat has finally slowed down from it's breakneck pace, but he thinks the fondness he feels at the sight of you is an even more exhilarating feeling.

You’re his lucky strike, he thinks, and he'll gladly take as many chances as needed for you.

😭 the absolute friendzone 😭

falling behind

this is a 100 follower special! thank you guys so so much for all the reblogs and likes and even just enjoying my works. i appreciate all the love sm and hope that i can continue to write for y’all :D

synopsis: the three times you choose shigeta harua and the one time you don’t. ⌙ 5.5k

pairing: shigeta harua x fem!reader

genre(s): angst (no comfort)

warnings: swearing, low self-esteem, mentions of divorce and slight family issues (please tell me if i’ve missed any)

tags: unrequited love, one-sided pining, taki cameo!!!, friend trio, non idol!au, highschool!au, harua’s fr down bad… title is a reference to laufey’s falling behind !! + a little of promise too if you look at the lyrics

a/n: i read this concept in a fic once and really stuck to it and wrote this in the process. this might actually be one of my favourite fics that i’ve written (i got a bit carried away) but nevertheless i hope you all enjoyyy

who were you to shigeta harua?

you were the girl who had saved him. well, not in a literal sense, but you were the one who solely occupied both his heart and mind, the one who he couldn’t express his feelings for coherently, the one who he was terrified of disappointing.

for him, you had totally flipped over his perspective of everything outside his bubble and changed his world for the better. the girl who’d broke him out of his shell. harua appreciated you for the beautiful human being you were. and he only wished you would take note of it.

the first time you chose shigeta harua was when you were both ten. he had always been reserved during your adventurous endeavours as children, the introverted boy would refuse to speak to anyone in class and barely had any friends. it wasn’t that harua thought he was above socialising, not at all. it was because he had never learned to make friends.

on the other hand, you’d always been surrounded by others; not quite popular, but still able to socialise and harua adored that about you. even as children, his eyes would glisten at you whenever you’d shift your desk towards your friends during lunch to have a hearty conversation.

harua was clumsy, to say the least. there would always be new grazes and bruises littering his skin during secret trips to the parks and playgrounds. one school day, he’d been racing around with a classmate that had wanted to become his new friend. during his session, disregarding a rock lodged in the earth, he tripped over and scraped his leg.

being the sensible one, you rushed over to help him up immediately to assess the injury. but as soon as you reached him you heard screams from your other peers, beckoning you to play; yet you ignored them and focused on the snivelling boy in front of you.

harua tilted his head down to meet your eyes as you were crouched down putting a bandaid on the noticeably painful graze on his knee.

you furrowed your brows when you met his unwavering gaze, “you ought to be careful, you know?”

only to receive a giggle in response.

“you said ‘ought’, ha!”

“teacher said that she has no more bandaids to give you. so i hope you’ll look where you’re running next time.”

since then, he’d been intrigued by your presence; harua wondered whether you know how much he cherished what you had done for him. stupid, yes. but it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him. strangely, you were very mature for your age already.

at lunchtime, he’d wonder around looking for a place to sit and would often just be alone. this was a regular occurrence that you had observed as you too were interested in the mystery that was shigeta harua.

the distant yet bright boy who existed outside of social happenings. who was he? what was he like? to you, genuine was likely the perfect word to describe his character.

but what did you know? you were only a child.

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the second time you chose him was during a class project.

shigeta harua had always wanted to be your friend but had never gotten the chance to, as if he would even take it. it was sort of a friend crush, if you will.

high school was particularly rough for harua; sixteen years of his life had already passed yet he still felt the same as he did when he was ten. harua was still the same quiet, reserved boy. as if not enough, school work had become more of a burden.

teachers had started setting group projects every week; the most important one being set by your english teacher being to review a unanimously agreed-on novel. the catch was that the pairs would pick each other themselves.

so there sat harua, fiddling with his fingers thinking knowing that he won’t be picked by another classmate; the teacher would pair him up like—

“would you… like to be a pair, harua?”

a soft voice interrupted harua’s train of thought and he lifted his head up only to be met with you, standing awkwardly in front of his desk. harua’s face etched into pure confusion and he looked as if to be processing your statement.

“wait, me? you want to be my partner?” he pointed to himself quizzically as you nodded.

“oh, why?” he queried again.

why would you even pick him, when he was too quiet to work with anyone? was this a prank?

with a deep breath, you blurted out, “you’ve been in my class for years, but i’ve never gotten the chance to, you know, speak to you properly. i don’t think any of us have.” another shaky breath leaves your lips as you finish. “i want to get to know you.”

the last part left him stumped.

“oh.”

“is that the only thing you say?”

as he lifted his arms in defence, a quiet chuckle escaped his mouth and a smile erupted on his face.

you mirrored his expression with a wide grin of your own, “you should smile more.”

another smile took to his expression.

“oh,” harua parted his lips to speak but shied away until you gestured for him to continue. “do you want to start the project at my house, or yours— or even at the library?”

the uneasiness in his words caused you to let out a lighthearted giggle.

“you’re so uptight. but we can do it at your place, i don’t mind.”

“cool!” his face visibly lit up. cute.

at the end of the school day, you observed harua leaning against the school gates, clutching the straps of his backpack and seemingly waiting for someone. with enthusiasm, he waved you over, accentuating the gesture. as you ran over you shot him a knowing smile.

“waiting for me?” the playful remark slipped out.

“let’s go to mine. you have everything you need right?” you nodded.

while setting off, harua would slightly sway against you as you walked together. a habit he’d never been able to get rid of no matter what. the walk to his home wasn’t long; only around ten minutes but when you entered, he offered snacks and water; insisting you’re fed while in his care. if only you noticed how eager he was to care for you.

that night, no work was completed, it was filled with you bombarding harua with personal questions; and him returning them with detailed responses.

tapping your chin, you hummed before posing a question, “what do you think is the best thing about you?”

nothing came out of his mouth for a while.

“even though i’m nothing special, my heart compensates for what i lack.”

“i agree,” you frowned at his words. “but i believe you are special. want to know what my first impression of you was?”

harua gave a hesitant nod of his head while sat crosslegged on the carpeted floor. his room was cozy— or at least more home-like than yours; many books filled the shelves that surrounded you both.

“i thought ‘oh he looks like a nice guy, but he’s just quiet’. i don’t think you’ve said more than like six words to me throughout the whole time we’ve been together as a class. but of course, everyone should value their privacy. i think it’s fine if you’re shier than the rest.” as you spoke, his eyes widened in interest while he nodded along.

a hand rubbed the nape of his neck, “i just don’t know how to make friends. striking conversations and then being able to keep them going is even more difficult.”

“you’re more than capable. i think you’re really cool.”

with glistening pupils and a hopeful glint in his eyes, he responded, “really?“

“of course.”

harua’s stomach felt funny— maybe the snacks he ate had gone bad. but why was his heart racing? perhaps it was the anxiety catching up to him. yeah, that seemed logical.

days transitioned into weeks and weeks into months as you both became impossibly closer. so close that your class would even refer to you both as each other’s halves, one refusing to leave the other’s side. in harua’s eyes, you were a blessing; he finally learnt what it meant to have a trustworthy friend — even if he couldn’t quite come to terms with the feelings he felt towards you.

it was like nothing could break your guys’ bond. there were barely any misunderstandings between you or any animosity really. a genuine friendship.

that was until feelings of love had kindled.

ever since he had come to know you; his whole world shifted. both his heartbeat and his faint courage — harua felt anew, motivated. it was as if your radiating smile and soothing voice were the remedy to heal him. to give him life.

like his world only brightened when you entered it; and his mind couldn’t even start to express immense gratitude that he felt. and that wasn’t a good sign as it only concluded to one thing.

shigeta harua was falling, and he was falling fast.

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the third time you chose harua was in junior year. a book club had been announced to be recruiting members. knowing your friend’s love for books, you’d proposed it to him.

“i know you love reading books and talking about them so here’s your chance!” hands clasped together, you continued attempting to persuade him cheerily. “think of it as a way to socialise with other people too! that way you can have other friends that aren’t me.”

a groan escaped the boy’s mouth, “but you know, i’m not really good at making new friends.” exasperated, his hands make their way to his face in to cover it. “besides, i won’t know anyone there. that’ll make it even more difficult.”

determined to get him to join the club, you brought up a suggestion.

“i can join along with you! reading is also one of my hobbies so i won’t mind. while doing something i enjoy, i’ll be helping you in the process.”

face visibly lit up, harua smiled; you were always so selfless. he almost felt bad for allowing you to join with him. yet he couldn’t deny how much he’d enjoy being in the same club as you.

reluctantly, he nodded.

several days later, you both found yourselves in a classroom with a circle of chairs while surrounded by new faces — well not entirely new, you knew some, but harua definitely didn’t recognise anyone — while being briefed about the club activities.

one boy, fairly attractive, had taken the lead and spoke up.

“welcome to book club! i’m takayama riki, but you can call me taki, and i’m the leader of this club. this is only a mock meeting where we’ll be laying down the foundations and sorting out the books we will cover soon!” friendliness had radiated off of his presence which made him all the more easier to talk to. “before we start, i’d like to answer any questions you guys have right now.” his gaze scanned the room until it had fallen on your raised hand.

pointing to you, he spoke. “you. the pretty girl over there.” chuckles had filled the room from other members as you felt your face heat up.

clearing your throat, you spoke up. “will we ever get to pick the books that we go over or is it all already decided on?”

“eventually you will get to vote on the books. so i assure you to not worry.” taki’s eyes were locked on you as he spoke.

a certain brown-haired boy narrowed his eyes as he observed the exchange between you two and didn’t like it one bit.

a few minutes later, the briefing had ended and you’d been given the liberty to wander around. calling for harua, you held his wrist in your grasp as you dragged him from shelf to shelf.

“look at this book! i swear i’ve been looking for it everywhere. it wasn’t even in the library.” a pout had crept up your face as you whined while grabbing for said book.

with a smile on his face, the boy chuckled and parted his lips to speak before being interrupted.

“hi! i hope i’m not intruding on anything.” the voice was airy. whirling around you met taki’s face.

the boy had inched closer to you and held a hand out. after placing the book you’d previously had in your hands, he spoke. “nice choice, i really like this one too ….?” the words trailed

“ah!” eyes widened, you told him your name. after a nod of his head and a hum of approval, you continued. “i almost forgot. you’ve yet to meet my friend, harua, here too!” with a hand on harua’s lower back, you propelled him forward and encouraged him to engage in conversation.

“uh, hey. i’m shigeta harua, second year.” the boy stuck out a hand awkwardly, unsure what to do.

taki returned the action and shook hands enthusiastically. “oh, i see. it’s nice to meet you! i hope you’ve been enjoying our club so far.”

“i do, i really love literature and enjoy talking about it even more.”

a grin made its way to your face as conversation flowed naturally, happy that harua was finally gaining confidence.

jokingly, you interrupted, “is this some type of boy-bonding thing? you seem to be leaving me out.” the laughs that protruded from them only weakened your expression. “would you wanna get some food with me and harua?” you turned to taki, smiling when he nodded eagerly in response.

eventually, taki had been added into your mini friend group. all three of you, close-knit as ever.

or at least that’s what you thought.

ever since taki had joined, a certain other boy had started to feel somewhat excluded. it didn’t help that he seemed to share all the same interests as you or that your conversations would last a millennium whenever one uttered a word to the other.

worst of all, taki seemed to have feelings for you. just like harua.

harua has never wanted anything really — he wasn’t picky nor spoiled. there wasn’t anything he’d pine over but he wanted you. he needed your attention, your love — just you. the boy had always received loved by his family at home; a plethora of it. maybe harua was simply bewitched by your never ending generosity or the fact someone as pretty, funny, smart and perfect as you paid even a fraction of attention to him.

lame, he knew.

obviously, it wasn’t like you didn’t notice the growing distance either. they say ‘ignorance was bliss’, but for harua, the weight of your emotional and now-physical absence was becoming harder to bear.

that’s why he began to try; harua started to engage in the hushed conversations between you and taki, tagging along to regular hangouts and the lot. despite all his attempts, it never seemed to work. the bridged gap only grew wider and harua was struggling to stay afloat.

the feeling only ate away at him more each passing day. and he couldn’t bear it. so he asked to talk. with you. alone. in private. and most importantly, without taki.

mustering up all his courage, the boy texted you to ask if you could come over; to which you replied affirmatively.

so there you were, sitting on the beanbag in his room. your expression was laced with perplexity, and your eyes had a certain glisten to them. opposite you, harua fiddled with the hem of his brown and white striped shirt, a habit he’d never been able to shake in your presence.

the silence was disconcerting. what was so important that he had asked you to come over so suddenly? negative thoughts raced around your mind, all pointing to the worst-case scenario.

with a clear of his throat, you lifted your head. “i don’t know if i should say this,” a nod of your head prompted him to continue. “but i don’t think we can do this anymore — be friends. you have other priorities.”

‘that aren’t me’, he wanted to add but contained himself.

the only other option was for him to distance himself before he got hurt too. so why did he feel guilty? this was for your own good. harua did it for you. it was for you.

did that even make sense anymore? the knot in his stomach only tightened, churning and tossing awaiting your reply.

“i don’t… understand?” rubbing your thumb over your knuckles, you averted your gaze the carpeted floor. “what do you mean? have i done something wrong?”

harua shook his head tightly in response.

so you raised your voice albeit the confusion that raged within you. “then what…? at the very least i deserve an explanation.”

frustration was bubbling inside of you.

you breathed out. “stop speaking in riddles, harua.”

perhaps you were being too harsh, but you really were failing to understand the cause of this sudden decision. sure you became distant but that didn’t justify what he was doing.

“it’s not you,—“ harua started to speak.

“‘its me’, right? don’t bother explaining if you’re going to repeat some stupid, unoriginal shit.” exasperated, you shook your head. “i thought our friendship was stronger than this. i’m starting to reconsider though.”

why couldn’t you see what he saw? the animosity was spreading, like a plague amongst a small village. the pent-up frustration had been nipping at him slowly, which made him all the more irritable.

and he couldn’t stop the words that escaped his mouth next. “well i’m starting to think your’s and taki’s friendship is stronger.”

a flush coloured his cheeks.

he wasn’t supposed to say that. you weren’t supposed to hear that.

your expression dropped, causing a frown to adorn his face. with eyes narrowed, you held your gaze on him. harua felt like he was transparent; he felt like an open book. almost as if you possessed x-ray vision and were able to read him — to see through him.

and shigeta harua hated that the most.

he didn’t want you to do that; the fear of being totally understood consumed him. would you leave him once you finally saw through his feelings? would you consider them to be ulterior motives?

the silence was eating away at him.

talk. please talk. those words repeated themselves over and over in his mind. like a mantra.

“this was all about taki?” a breath of relief was let out once your melodious voice filled the atmosphere. but he still wasn’t happy about the contents either.

“no…?” for a ‘definitive statement’, it came out more very question-like.

despite the inner turmoil, harua raised a brow after noticing your expression.

unable to contain the sly grin that took to your face, you slapped a hand over your mouth before letting out a chuckle.

“you were jealous the whole time?”

fuck. you had caught on. the realisation shocked harua. it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

meekly nodding his head, he choked on air.

“ahh, you’re so cute,” the last word visibly perplexed the boy opposite you, to the point where you could see a big red question mark flat on his adorable face. “i consider both you and taki to be my friends. i like both of you equally. although, i do sort of favour you more. but don’t tell taki i said that.” with an index finger to harua’s lips, you hushed him.

oh. ‘friend’. despite everything he initially thought, you didn’t know. surprisingly, a look of relief washed over his features.

looking down at your finger on his lips, he forced out a remark.

“it’s not that funny…”

the gentle pout that former on his face was too adorable for you to ignore.

as your expression softened, your eyes widened and you straightened up.

“here, i’ll make you a promise. is that okay?” you spoke in a hushed tone, as if afraid to be overheard.

curiosity laced his eyes as the boy leaned closer, head tilted.

“a promise?”

“that i’ll always be here for you. you’re one of my good friends, so i’ll stick by you.”

awaiting his response, guilt washed over you. harua was right. you weren’t making an effort. so you mentally dedicated yourself to this one task. hesitantly, his eyes searched yours. harua wasn’t doubtful of your promise. but he was sure that he would be hurt in the process. nevertheless, the boy stuck out his pinky finger.

“promise?”

after intertwining your finger with his, you curtly nodded.

“promise.”

harua hated how you managed to always possess his heart in one hand. unbeknownst to you, you played with.

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a lie. you were a liar.

by senior year, you, harua and taki were still present — and flourishing, you may add — members of the book club. it was enjoyable, and it was your last year so you decided to make the most of it.

harua was a very observant person, he could read into situations well enough. which is why it puzzled him to see that something had bloomed between you and taki. it wasn’t new, even while juniors, you had been sort of taken with taki. but it was totally different now.

harua didn’t hate takiyama riki — he could never bring himself to — he envied him. what did the other boy have that he didn’t? the looks? the confidence? the intelligence?

the boy didn’t consider himself to be that good looking; more average-looking if anything (though you would disagree). to be honest, while struggling heavily with his confidence levels, maybe insecurity had gotten the better of him. but most of all, his grades at school were decent, harua wasn’t an over-achiever or academically gifted. he was normal. average. nothing special.

a pure contrast to taki. popular, handsome, very smart, confident but not too prideful, and most importantly, knew how to woo you.

fuck. these thoughts only dug harua a deeper hole. he could win your heart. definitely.

however, those words only dulled each time they were repeated.

nothing changed, when you all had attended hangouts. once while meeting at a local cafe, you and taki sat next to each other, harua opposite you both. engrossed in conversing animatedly, harua noticed how you’d act around the other boy. brushing arms, touching his shoulder, reaching for his hand, and the likes. the thawing pain that persevered in his chest went unnoticed as well as the knot in his throat. he observed your light flirty remarks as well as your melodious fits of giggles that strew along the atmosphere at every word that left taki’s lips. as if ignoring harua, you carried along your antics; excluding him.

this wasn’t a one-time thing. as weeks passed by you’d become more interested in the boy known as takiyama riki. facetiming harua, heat flushing your cheeks as you gushed about taki. the worst thing is that this crush wasn’t not reciprocated. all the reserved boy heard in taki’s presence was your name, the way you smiled, the way you spoke, the way you had touched his shoulder that day.

of course. it seemed that harua had fell too much into like and ended up in love. that everyone was falling in love yet he was the only one falling behind.

everything completely shifted once his parents had divorced. as the boy’s best friend, you had already known that his parents never had the best relationship; always arguing and bitter to each other but never to harua. it was a few months into the term. this had taken a toll on your best friend; he had begun to isolate himself, become more irritable as well as wallow in pity. for you, it was hard seeing him like that and pained you deeply.

which was why you devoted time into helping him recover. at first you had let him spend some time alone in seclusion — which was well needed for him — but then you started to take an active role; visiting his house often and bringing food, video games, even sometimes bringing taki along too. you did your best to cheer him up.

during those times, you began to spend less time with taki and more with harua. that alone almost brought a smile to the boy’s face. almost. it was comical how desperate he was for your attention. yet he only craved it more.

however, he did start to get better with time; harua began to cope. with your help too. from the slight bounce in his step to the colourful expression formed on his face, the old him had more-or-less returned. but so did the ‘old’ you.

after regaining himself, harua noticed you distancing yourself again; only awakening the dormant insecurities that lied within him.

the painfully-obvious ones too.

since taki had been the head leader of the book club, it was his responsibility to deal with funds and the likes. due to low funding, the school board had decided to cut their budget by more than half, which would meant that it would have to be shut down permanently. this was not well-received by the taller boy, the book club was his pride and joy; he had put so much effort in for it all to be snatched away last minute with not a single regard to those who cherished it.

obviously, you had not been notified until later on in the day the news had been broken to him. heartbroken, the boy had called you. and you ran to him in a heartbeat.

though, that same day, something horrible had happened to harua too. his father. perhaps he was too fragile, too vulnerable, too weak. that would make sense because he couldn’t stand it when his father in a blind fit of rage had insulted him. harua didn’t blame his father, although he should’ve. the divorce was his fault.

his fault. that two-word phrase, that seven-letter sentence had echoed in his conscience. on the verge of tears, he returned to his room bitterly. why couldn’t he fight back? why wasn’t he strong enough?

yet in that moment, all his mind flickered to was you. his then-ragged breaths were becoming more stable and his expression slowly softened. the only solution seemed to be to call you. so that, he did.

the incessant buzzing of your phone on the dark black nightstand bounced off the wall of taki’s room. on the edge of the king bed, you had wrapped the boy in a loving embrace as you reached over to turn your phone upside down after coming to one conclusion.

harua could wait.

taki had nuzzled his face into your shoulder as you rocked back and forth. and just minutes later, your vibrating phone had finally stopped.

“it’s not your fault. i knew you did all you could to save it,” lolling him to a sense of calm, you whispered softly. “stuff like this happens. don’t let it affect you too much. hm?”

muffled, the taller boy spoke into your neck. “i’ll try but—“

swiftly, he was cut off by the light buzzing of your phone again and pulled away from your warmth. “that sounds pretty important. you should answer.” opening your arms to him, a grin erupted on your face.

“i’ll get it later. what’s important to me now is you.”

oh, if only shigeta harua knew you where you were, cradling the boy he envied in your arms and avoiding his call.

after two-three of more attempts, harua gave up. and with a finger caught between his teeth, millions of possibilities raced around his mind as he mentally searched for a reason of why you weren’t taking his calls. perhaps you were busy. maybe you had just forgot your phone and it was on silent? or it could’ve been that you didn’t have your phone at you on that moment! that’s why the boy decided to wait it out. twenty minutes wasn’t that long.

surely you weren’t deliberately avoiding him. right?

but twenty minutes became forty and forty minutes stretched into an hour. that’s thirty-six hundred seconds without a response. if harua wasn’t totally frantic then he definitely was now. scrambling to put on a scarf and gather his belongings, the boy filed slowly down his house stairs while making his way to the door.

“where on earth do you think you’re off to, young man?” a rough voice grumbled at him.

“out.” inhaling sharply, harua replied curtly before pulling the door and stepping out into the cold breeze. the sun’s deceiving presence shone radiantly despite the biting wind that nipped at the boy. huffing lightly, he began making his way to your house. only a fifteen minute-ish walk from his. passing the park nearby, he’d become a little more skittish, especially since you hadn’t even so much as sent a text back.

finally arriving at your place, shutting his eyes closed, he took a deep breath before knocking deftly on the wooden door of your home.

a soft voice echoed from inside.

“coming!”

the door unlocked and your sister had appeared from behind it. confusion etched her expression and she tilted her head.

“harua? she’s not here. hasn’t been for a couple of hours now.” shrugging her shoulders, the boy nodded, head tilted up as he watched as the clouds began to cover the ball of fire lodged into the blue sky, before posing a short question.

“do you know where she went? i’ve been calling her for quite some time now.”

your sister’s expression had softened after recognising the frantic shake in his voice.

“you could try taki’s. i think i heard her say something about—“ but before being able to finish, harua had already spun on his heels and hurried away. a giggle escaped from the girl as she shook her head in disbelief before shutting the door.

what were you doing with taki? something felt wrong. stomach churning, his walking pace sped up as he broke into a light sprint.

shigeta harua hadn’t visited taki’s home that much, but was sure of it’s location. heads turned at his sprinting, but he didn’t mind. all that was on his mind was you. and it wasn’t an exaggeration that he was lovesick for you. so so lovesick.

but harua was also becoming sick of that love.

his pace remained constant before he felt something hit his forehead. a droplet. it was raining. in frustration, he began to run faster to get to cover. taki’s house was only a few minutes away now. harua reckoned he could reach it without getting too drenched. but it would all be worth it.

he would get to see you and finally confess.

expressing his feelings aloud would free him from the overbearing thoughts. from having to carry the heavy burden of possessing feelings for one of his best friends.

harua’s own thoughts distracted him for a while before he looked up to realise that he’d already arrived at the house. catching his breath, hands covered his knees as he panted. mentally preparing himself, he knocked lightly before taking a few steps back. taki’s mum had opened the door and smiled warmly at the boy. strangely, that brought relief to him.

“they’re just upstairs. come on in, it’s very cold and you’re drenched!” moving away from the door, harua stepped inside before looking to the woman. “don’t you remember? it’s the first room on the left.” she laughed at his visible cluelessness.

following her instructions, his feet led him hastily to taki’s room. a normal, brown and wooden door. but what was peculiar was that it was slightly ajar, meaning he could peek into it. a horrible feeling bubbled in harua as he slowly inched closer. spying on your two best friends was a very bad thing to do. despite that, he couldn’t control the nagging curiosity.

so he did what he did best. shigeta harua observed. you and taki on his bed, with the latter’s head in your shoulder.

‘that’s just something friends do though’, the thought repeated over and over on his conscious.

the other boy lifted his head before locking eyes with you. yet harua observed something familiar in taki’s eyes. and he was reminded of the first day you and him met the other boy. at book club, where you and taki has gazed at each other.

then your hand came to caress his cheek slowly as the taller boy leaned in to collide his lips with yours. with a few seconds, you pulled away and harua saw the lovestruck gaze that you held and was reminded of his own when looking at you. and then he realised something.

shigeta harua would never be the one you loved.

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5:32 PM

It always rain during your birthday.

If it wasn't raining, it'll be hit with a typhoon. You never spent your birthday with the sun shining bright enough for you to make plans with your friends and family. It'll always be in your house, with a few guests and front door filled with wet umbrellas and shoes. It'll be a quick dinner, only a few chats, then they'll go home before the rain became a storm.

You're used to it. You never liked celebrating your birthday at all. Every year you just feel like you're getting older, signs of aging are forming and yet you still feel like you haven't changed at all. That's why today, you didn't even bothered telling everyone that it's your birthday.

Of course, there are a few people who remembered. Your family greeted you first thing in the morning, and you were bombarded with a lot of birthday greetings from your friends on social media.

But that's it. You didn't told them about your birthday plans. How can you? When you look at your window, the storm is not going to stop anytime. You thought that maybe, you can make your birthday better by cooking your favorite meal. Right. That will do.

As you stand up from your seat, you hear the doorbell of your front door. A quick raise of your eyebrow had you confused. You wondered, who's stupid enough to go through the storm just to visit you? You already told your friends that you can schedule a celebration next time when the day's sunny.

"Surprise!"

"What the fuck Jaemin!?"

You opened the door wider to let your best friend in. You watched as he removed his sopping wet sneakers along with his socks that's dripping. You couldn't believe it!

"Jaemin, I told you ---"

"That you'll be celebrating your birthday when it's not raining anymore, I know, I know," Jaemin nonchalantly said, brushing you off.

He hands you a box which you confusingly glanced at, turning your stare at him who removed his hoodie which wasn't saved by his umbrella.

"But, I already ordered that cake for your birthday and the bakery doesn't accept refunds, so might as well bring it to you right?"

You glanced at the box, you know that logo. It's the bakery that sells those heavenly chiffon cake with whipped marshmallow as icing. It's your cake ever since you were a kid --- and only one bakery sells it.

Jaemin's smile faded when you looked at him and your eyes started to water, your lips shaking as if you're holding back your tears. At first, there's a hint of worry in Jaemin's expression but eventually, he only gave you an assuring smile.

"I hate you so much Na Jaemin, you're making me cry," you mumbled.

But you were only welcomed by Jaemin's hug. Despite him going through the rain, he still feels warm.

"I know you love me," Jaemin answered back. Hand patting your head.

"I can't believe you."

"It's nothing," Jaemin said, even though it was a lie. It wasn't nothing. He knows how much you hate your birthday and how it always rain. He knows that you're going to mope around and he doesn't want that to happen.

That's why even if he has to take an hour-long bus ride to your apartment just so he can give you your usual birthday cake and celebrate it with him. Jaemin will do anything.

Because he loves the way your eyes lit up when he lights up the candles on your birthday cake.

He watch as you close your eyes, sincerely clasping your hands together as you make a wish.

"So, what did you wish for?" Jaemin asked as soon as you blew off the candles.

You only smiled at him, "For more birthdays like this."

"We can make that work."

But you only laughed, "what? You're willing to go through the rain just to buy me a cake?" "Well, I already did. So what makes you think I won't do it again?"

You only stared at Jaemin, a meaningful smile curves on his lips. You only gazed at it for minute before sinking into you what he was trying to meant.

"Then, thank you for making my birthday wish come true," you only said. Grabbing his hands and lightly squishing it.