Academia - Tumblr Posts
I have been learning Russian for two and a half months ("I wanna read Dostoyevsky in the original" - the queen's gambit) and it's such a simple language, apart from the pronouns.
Pronouns are horrible in Russian :(
Stay yourself, stay curious
My literature professor agreed to teach the class ''white nights'' per my request.
I am far more than pleased.
Stay yourself, stay curious
Niche but Irina from "three sisters" by Anton Chekhov???
I'm currently filling an admission to a VERY prestigious religious - studies program, and I was requested to write about a piece of media which influenced me as a person.
Fools just gave me free rein to infodump on TSH
Stay yourself, stay curious
BLACK SWAN - THE UNREWARDING CHASE AFTER PERFECTION
Tw: bulimia, self-harm, sexual assault, body horror
''Black swan'', directed by Darren Aronofsky, is a 2010 film. It deals with our main character, Nina, a ballerina which gets picked for the role of both The white swan and The black swan in a production of "Swan lake", but as she is urged by her artistic director to 'lose herself' her sanity crumbles before her. In this post I'd like to address the themes, motifs, character development, and what black swan made me feel, because I find art is about emotions.
★ SWAN LAKE ANALOGY
The story of "Swan lake" is a direct analogy most readers can pick up on during their watch of Black swan and I'd like to highlight some thoughts of mine on the parallels between the two.
" virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped
in the body of a swan. She desires
freedom, but only true love can
break the spell. Her wish was
granted in the form of a prince.
But before he can declare his love,
her lustful twin, the Black Swan,
tricks and seduces him.
Devastated, the White Swan leaps
off a cliff, killing herself. But,
in death, finds freedom. " - Leroy
This recounting of "Swan lake" is a basic synopsis of the movie Black swan. Nina is perfect, and she finds this need for perfection a prison. We see her eat half a fruit for breakfast, spend all her time in the company, and put mountains of effort into every step she takes. This is exactly Nina's downfall - if Leroy was right about one thing it's that perfection is inherently imperfect. It's messy and dirty and full of mistakes, because perfect is expected.
Nina believes her 'freedom' will come in the form of Leroy, that he can cultivate her into the girl she was destined to be, and sees Lily as her doppelganger - an evil xerox who wishes to steal her only answer away from her. Nina is mistaken, and actually her mistake falls perfectly into the plot of Swan lake - she mixes up the roles. Lily is much closer to the prince in the sense she allows Nina to be herself. She genuinely desires to see Nina succeed and yet doesn't believe that Nina should torture herself to perfection. Although it's difficult to distinguish between reality and illusion during the film, when the credits roll, I think we all know who's the twin, who's the swan, and who's the prince.
★ THE THEORY OF ART
Nietzche (😒...) Coined the terms 'dyonisian' and 'apollonian' in his book, Birth Of Tragedy. The Dyonisian is the tendency for freedom - pleasure, lack of thinking, impulse. The Apollonian is the tendency for structure - order, planning, perfecting. Nietzche claims that good art is the balance between the two, you can't be overly obsessive over detail nor carelessly creating.
Nina is Apollonian. She is so invested in being the perfect dancer she loses what made her good in the first place - her love for the profession, her daintiness, her emotional connection to pieces. Throughout the movie, we see how obsessive Nina becomes with perfection as her bulimia gets worse, she grows suspicious of her peers, and eventually resorts (does she...?) to murder for her sake. Truly, Nina couldn't balance art because she couldn't let herself go, and only when she did her performance was perfect.
Black swan made me unnerved. As an artist, it's truly an enthralling experience seeing a young woman shred herself to bits trying to be perfect. I almost cried when Nina forced herself to puke the nothing she ate, because it's an amazing metaphor; trying to use up something that is not there. I think about black swan from time to time, and I realize that Nina isn't perfect - she was. She was her best when she loved dance. When she lived living . When she loved herself.
Stay yourself, stay curious
Give me a word and I'll translate it to one of the oldest languages - Hebrew!
Any word!!!!!!! ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ
Stay yourself, stay curious
Because destruction tastes as sweet as blood ;
Love, I tire of licking wounds as they close up, I cry to bathe them open
Stay yourself, stay curious
Has anyone encountered the phenomenon of people pretending to read?
I was chatting with a girl and we were speaking about Kafka. She claimed to really love his work and even that she visited his residence in Prague, yet when I asked what she read she said she hadn't read his stories yet... Is that common?
Stay yourself, stay curious
RODD AND TODD© LEARN TO SHARE - Book Release Count Down 27 Days!
@AmazonKindle
Everyone meet my simself. Her name is Octavia Rose Taylor. This let’s play will be called “The Beloved Rose.”
Her traits are ambitious, bookworm, and adventurous. She loves traveling and trying new things. She loves reading a good book, so good that she gets lost in the book. Lastly, she is ambitious about her education and job.
She has a degree in computer science and is currently working as a computer engineer. She is a hard-worker and loves her job. She has a Yorkie dog named Forrest.
She lives in 6523 Springfield Rd, Newcrest.
____________________________________________
I’ll posting her house later. I am so excited to start this let’s play!!
a hopeful delusional girl
walking to the restaurant from the dorm with the key that opens doors at the law school i realised i was living a delusional young girl's ideal life.
i am best friends with my ex who looks like ted mosby, my absolute childhood crush, and who is an assistant professor at the world's top law school, but who with me behaves like a silly teenage girl, who is aware and now even seems okay with me meeting other guys casually. i am studying what i am interested in, i have travelled through europe and have almost a world wide network of friends, am in two cool organisations that i have somewhat of power in, have some lovers who fuck me well, some friends who like the same stupid/nihilistic/absurd memes as i do, some crushes who i can dream of and long for and a job in the cultural industry that i meet cool people at. for me this is almost the peak of girlhood. i enjoy being silly, studying and engaging myself in everything that i can. i should at some point be more disciplined, but i will do that eventually.
it can only get better if i will finally be hired my my university as a research assistant, have a circle of friends that are artsy and passionate, can be very sure not to have to worry about my accomondation for the rest of my studies back home and if i will finally manage to wake up early mornings and be less active on insta.
see, i really don't want too much, do i? at this point, i am just hopeful. 15 year old me dreamt of the life i am living right now :)
improving in small steps
i overslept again. went to law school to get a chai and went to that class on capitalism as religion even though i only started reading the 78 pages of essays by hannah arendt one hour before class.
i managed to read up until page 30 which was relatively good for following along already. unfortunately the professor whom i enjoyed so much last week wasn't there this week, it was still great fun.
after class i shortly went to barnes&noble to browse a bit. i had asked js. to join me in my favourite café where i got at 4 and he joined me shortly after. i wanted to write some mails, answer some people i had avoided and continue reading "against white feminism". i did all of that a bit. js. had also taken a book to read. i enjoyed his presence. we talked from time to time, but mostly sat opposite to each other reading.
my favourite moment was when i came across one paragraph about hodud punishment in pakistan where the author had referred to a muslim feminist scholar b. had invited to his conference last year, i had even shaken her hand. i just love to see that the things i get busy with have an actual meaning in the real world. it was an incredible moment when reading, which i live for really. this feeling of relevance in and importance to society is exactly what draws me to academia. whereas i often feel as if studying and reading theoretic texts is just a hobby for privileged people that i in fact do not deserve to be doing. i often feel like i should be working something "real" instead, something that is more common and more has more clear and direct outcome. though deep inside of me i know that i can only see my future in research and academia - whatever will happen and however i will make that possible. this negative self talk, that voice that keeps pushing me down inside of me i guess are remains from my mother's bullying. when i was a teenager i told her about my plans on studying and travelling. her only reaction was to make me insecure saying "who are you to be able to afford that. how do you think you would ever make it possible". well - i made it possible. but the past year that I have been full-time studying, i have achieved almost nothing being in somewhat of a depression having no self confidence or sense of believing in myself. i now had the chance but did not believe to be able to use it enough. which only made me even less productive. every day i would and still do oversleep, i had and still have very low discipline and just cannot stop talking myself down. and the most absurd of it all: all that whilst i was always a great student in school and i know that if i actually went to seminars the professors enjoy having me in class.
if i was just able to believe in myself more, forgive nyself for my past inactivity, understand that studying is actually something that i di deserve to be doing and have faith in me always being able to make it work somehow... i would really be striving. i just know that university is where i belong, i always knew and i could think of nothing else.
well, all those thoughts where again in my head having read that passage sitting with js. it reassured me and gave me new energy and passion... eventually the café was closing, so we went on a walk that turned out to be three hours long. today's weather and air felt like spring. like a new chapter. we first walked on the campus, then on a street mark twain and charles dickens had once described the most beautiful one in america. then towards to the east of the city, the neighbourhood i like so much and eventually into the woods.
it started raining, it was dark, it smelled earthy. we came to a bridge and looked at the water. we stood there a bit. until finally he pulled me to him to kiss me. it was the second time we ever kissed. and it could not have been better.
we continued walking holding hands for the first time. his hands are big but gentle. walking i asked him as many questions i could think of, about his past relationships, his mother's hobbies, his worries, what he likes to cook. by now i had figured that he was just not that much into initiating conversation or expressing himself verbally. i am very communicative and passionate and he seems to just not be like me. i am not sure whether this is a problem for me. what i certainly don't like is that he does not seem to express his thoughts, especially his thoughts about me, without me having to specifically ask him about them. i do need reassurance a lot and I just like to receive compliments. i myself cannot stop myself from pointing things out that i like about a person. that's why i had told him how i think he good be a good muse, how i like his hands, his eyes and his smile. and when we were sitting in the café how i liked looking at him and admiring him. he on the contrary had never given me a compliment like that. only on the first day we met when the last thing i said to him how beautiful his eyes were he said he liked mine too...
well, maybe i have to give him some time. only a few days ago i had even questioned whether he likes me at all. which today i even asked him that bluntly. to which he replied that if he didn't like me he wouldn't keep meeting me. duh!! he really has to learn how to express himself better. i clearly want him to tell me how he likes me, without me having to even ask about it. i wou!d always find it so sad to observe my parents not being able to express their love to each other (ofc when it was still somehow present.) b. was also never able to say he loved me. only yesterday he randomly said how i was the light of his life, which is a bit late to say now that he broke up with me and also a bit contradictory to the ways he keeps treating me here (e.g. being overly strict). being with somebody that would not be able to express his love or affection really was always a great fear of mine because i have always longed for it so much and grew up with not mucb emotional affection around me.
it started raining a lot, we saved ourselves into a chinese restaurant. i had soup, good soup, he chicken with rice. as always we did not talk much and i always felt a bit awkward. i was watching the rainy street and observing the different kinds of customers that were entering.
after dinner we went into the direction of his mother's home to reach his car so he could drive me home. the walk longer than i thought it would be and we got so wet...
the car ride to the dorn was quiet. he parked the car in front of it and i thanked him for dinner, the time we spent together and the ride. but instead of leaving the car after that we made out for about half an hour. several attempts of saying goodby really, but we couldn't stop. everytime it got more intense, he touched me more and kissed me stronger. i enjoyed it a lot. in between i would lay in his arms, him caressing and kissing my head. both of us soaking wet, the rain still outside, I felt so safe in his arms.
we agreed to meet again tomorrow after his work. then we will finally go to the speakeasy we intended to go on friday. i am so looking forward drunkenly making out with him.
lmao and people are confused when i tell them i want to pursue academic research as a career (not bc grants are hard or anything but bc it’s supposedly boring) dude academia is 50% chaotic energy, 30% science and 20% cowboy hats. PLUS the whole career is literally just pursuing knowledge that’s my shit. my stepdad was so confused he was like yeah but will that really be fulfilling? i’d get bored. nah i talk a lot about the vast but the eye really could have me too. aperture science’s vibes? based in reality with an extra touch of capitalism. carlos wtnv? science can save the world kay rant over
wow
Harry and Snape’s Clashing Communication Styles
It's interesting to think that Harry and Snape don’t have longer conversations in the series, but when they do, their communication styles are so different that they often clash.
Harry’s way of communicating is practical and straightforward. He tends to break down complex ideas into simpler terms that he can easily understand. This makes sense, given his upbringing in a non-magical world and his tendency to rely more on gut instinct than deep theoretical knowledge. For Harry, things are usually black and white, and his directness shows his desire to cut through the confusion and get straight to the point.
Snape, on the other hand, has a more complex and layered way of speaking. His language is precise and often sarcastic, which reflects not just his intelligence but also his disdain for what he sees as Harry’s lack of subtlety. Snape’s use of imagery and metaphor, especially when he describes consepts, gives his speech a poetic, almost philosophical quality. He takes pleasure in showing off his superior knowledge and uses this as a way to belittle Harry.
We see this clash clearly in OOTP during Harry’s first Occlumency lesson:
Snape looked back at him for a moment and then said contemptuously, “Surely even you could have worked that out by now, Potter? The Dark Lord is highly skilled at Legilimency —” “What’s that? Sir?” “It is the ability to extract feelings and memories from another person’s mind —” “He can read minds?” said Harry quickly, his worst fears confirmed. “You have no subtlety, Potter,” said Snape, his dark eyes glittering. “You do not understand fine distinctions. It is one of the shortcomings that makes you such a lamentable potion-maker.” Snape paused for a moment, apparently to savor the pleasure of insulting Harry, before continuing, “Only Muggles talk of ‘mind reading.’ The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by any invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter . . . or at least, most minds are. . . .” He smirked. Whatever Snape said, Legilimency sounded like mind reading to Harry and he did not like the sound of it at all.
For Harry, when Snape mentions Legilimency, it immediately sounds like “mind reading,” which is a reasonable but overly simple way to understand such a complex concept. His quick jump to this conclusion shows his need to make sense of something that feels threatening, but it also reveals his limited grasp of the deeper nuances.
Snape, however, can’t resist mocking Harry’s lack of subtlety. His response is laced with condescension as he insists on the complexity of the mind and dismisses the idea of “mind reading” as something only muggles would think of. Snape’s explanation is detailed and philosophical, contrasting sharply with Harry’s desire for a straightforward answer.
Another great example of their different communication styles comes in HBP when Snape puts Harry on the spot, asking him to explain the difference between an inferius and a ghost:
“Let us ask Potter how we would tell the difference between an Inferius and a ghost.” The whole class looked around at Harry, who hastily tried to recall what Dumbledore had told him the night that they had gone to visit Slughorn. “Er — well — ghosts are transparent —” he said. “Oh, very good,” interrupted Snape, his lip curling. “Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. ‘Ghosts are transparent.’ ” Harry took a deep breath and continued calmly, though his insides were boiling, “Yeah, ghosts are transparent, but Inferi are dead bodies, aren’t they? So they’d be solid —” “A five-year-old could have told us as much,” sneered Snape. “The Inferius is a corpse that has been reanimated by a Dark wizard’s spells. It is not alive, it is merely used like a puppet to do the wizard’s bidding. A ghost, as I trust that you are all aware by now, is the imprint of a departed soul left upon the earth . . . and of course, as Potter so wisely tells us, transparent.” “Well, what Harry said is the most useful if we’re trying to tell them apart!” said Ron. “When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we’re going to be having a shufti to see if it’s solid, aren’t we, we’re not going to be asking, ‘Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?’
Once again, Harry demonstrates his practical and straightforward approach. He gives a simple, clear distinction based on what would be most useful in a real-life situation—whether the entity is solid or transparent. This shows how Harry tends to focus on what’s immediately relevant and actionable, and Ron’s defense of Harry’s answer highlights this practicality. Ron even points out that in a real-world scenario, Harry’s answer is actually the most helpful, contrasting it with Snape’s more academic approach.
Snape, though, dismisses Harry’s answer as too simplistic and mocks him for stating what he sees as the obvious. Snape’s communication is more about the theoretical and precise understanding of magical concepts. He emphasizes the deeper, more complex nature of an Inferius, which, while academically accurate, is less practical in the context that Harry is thinking of. Snape’s disdain shows that he values this deeper, nuanced understanding more than the direct, practical knowledge that Harry offers.
These moments really bring out the deeper divide between Harry and Snape. Harry approaches things with instinct and a straightforward mindset, while Snape is all about nuance, precision, and seeing the layers in everything. Because they see the world so differently, they struggle to communicate, which only adds to the distrust and misunderstanding between them—a tension that echoes throughout the entire series.
wish I could write the way I thought... without fearing what people would think if they ever saw it, without reading it over and over looking for the flaws, without thinking abt how people might view me as when they read it, without the need to keep it somewhere no one will see, without the need to hide..
doesn't the idea of learning a new language excites you? It's like entering a whole new world different from what you've ever encountered. there are new words to be discovered, and new stories and cultures and you get not only the literature but the history and we'll. And the poems, oh the poems, the verses which can never be translated, you'll get to read them too, and the subtitles you needed to watch the movie? No need of them anymore and u can watch your characters and understand them without the need for translational and it hits u deeper cuz we'll,.... things do get lost in the translation. It's like you venture into a completely unknown territory. It's like you're making the best use of your human mind, by learning and there is nothing quite as we fearful as learning a new language.
ppl always make it about the numbers dont they? they're obsessed with numbers..
oh you like reading books?? its not how many you've read, its about what you got from whatever you've read
oh you like like watching movies?? its not how many you've watched but what you watched..
its not about the number of times you fell in love, but the depth of the one time you did
yeah, falling in love at first sight is okay...... but what about falling in love at last sight??? falling in love knowing that that's the last time you'll ever see someone. falling in love at a goodbye
"the poets write about the unlucky ones
who fall in love at first sight,
but what about fools like me?
who fall in love the last time they see"
i need to romanticize life to get thru it