Bye Virgo Season
bye virgo season
More Posts from Martianactually
I just woke up. At 5.30 pm. Then i go to convenience store and order a boba tea. Sipping sugar induced drink and just lost in my head. Nice day
tonight is new episode of dali and the cocky prince!!
why theres no au about college jk and his bff bickering in all you can eat buffet because jk practically putting every foods in sight on his plate and the oc is only put 2 kind of foods because she is picky eater or more like having a very spesific palate for foods and the buffet doesnt have her favs
over the course of the past 8 months i didnt know i could parallel so much with such a faraway person as i did with knj & myg. of course all human comes from different place and circumstances, but we share a pretty wide range of values. dont get me wrong, i still pretty much carry the rage and skepticism as it is my nature but the fire seems more understandable now. and with understanding comes softer voice and lighter soul. but its not solely comes from that, the last 2 years has been the most challenge ive ever been wih myself. i've been all over the place. high on life, down in hole, dig up grave, lost. listless being covered up in childish manners upon the world. crying and writhing loose out of chokehold. kicking and throwing out love i didnt realize i receive. all mountains of it. just because i think the world hates me. maybe in some way i should try to squeeze maturity through that process.
we all want love. thats a fact. i want all the love that is close, silly, bright, storm, rain cold, hoodie warm, grounded, fractal in all different scale, brown sugar and roasted potatoes, sour and salty, deep blue and all that there is in the world. but mostly i want to be alive enough to not get scared approaching all kinds of love. brave is not absence of fear but if i can swallow life and comes out all branches, twigs, roots and finally breathed myself go. i will be at peace. as peace as i can be in this chaotic world.
so, id like to propose an addition sentence, somewhat alternative footnote to "i live so i love" because its too dismissive of choice, so deterministic. it's like i have no choice but to love because i am a living thing. implying that love is something to fill in the time. well maybe it is... that fills the time. but id rather have some taste of independency in my philosophy because where else will i get that. it goes like this:
"I('ll) live so i('ll) know what love is"
to experience it, first and foremost you must live. breath. lungs. you chose to be alive today. i dont know about tomorrow but i think im alive today. be with yourself. be in crowd. be all over the place. i hope i met love today. i hope when she enters the room i have enough connection. but if i cant get that today. its okay ill wait. ill wait while seeing my own bodies branched long enough to tell winter its okay if my leaves all fallen away. my roots is deep and soil keep me warm at night. bring the snow.
to myself: to make yourself from scratch, away from any mold, you are the architecture of awkward comedic language weighing hard edges manifesto of being. you are the most you i've ever known. just live.
happy birthday my queen, dont sink.