Not That Anybody Asked, But I Think It's Important To Understand How Shame And Guilt Actually Work Before

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

maybe for the universe, it was fate, but for me, it was just a coincidence

lol I posted this literally like 1 episode too soon I'm pretty sure dacchia is supposed to be the main love interest actually. I still stand by what I said tho I still think he had a crush on a man and hope with all of the part of my heart which I have set aside for this web comic that I am not really especially invested in. I hope that he is on the aro spectrum. because that would be cool.

I fully understand that Marnac is probably supposed to be viewed as hetero, ok? like. if nothing else, the fact that every female character he meets becomes attracted to him is telling.

I definition think popular opinion is probably that the reason he doesn't actually have a harem (just a bunch of willing candidates) is because he's so devoted to the Goddess of Decay. Like, romantically. I mean, we can't really understand most of what she says, since it's just "murder," but her displays of jealousy indicate that she at least likely feels this way about Marnac.

Personally, I think differently. Although I agree he is very devoted to the Goddess of Decay and this plays a role in his disinterest in a relationship with another woman, I don't think Marnac is romantically interested in the Goddess of Decay.

First of all. Gotta get this out in the open- he calls her "mother" and is officially (as her disciple) her "son." Obviously she's not actually his literal mother and they don't actually have a parent-child relationship; it's a religious language thing, but it's still kind of weird. Also, I haven't caught up yet and I'm sure this will eventually change, but the whole child-looking body thing is honestly weirder than if he just got into a relationship with her disembodied sentient hand.

My second thing is really just that I don't view Marnac as feeling romantically attracted to the Goddess of Decay. Yes, he views her as important. The most important, even. But that's all. The way I see it, she is 'the most important' to him in the same way as anything or anyone else could be. The way he treats her is the same as he could treat a sibling or even an object. There is nothing in particular about it that is 'romantic.' Perhaps he stays out of romantic relationships with others because he is devoted to her, but more in a "this is the most important thing to me right now" way, like he doesn't have time or brain space for it.

Part of me thinks he may have been in love- or maybe even in a relationship- with Sanctus. After all, he clearly still places a lot of importance on his memory. While a relationship between them would have a pretty big age gap (at least to my knowledge; I'm actually not sure if there's any place to reliably be sure how old Marnac is, but it does seem like he's around mid-20s to mid-30s), that doesn't mean it couldn't have happened, and it certainly doesn't mean Marnac couldn't've had a crush. It's not crazy to harbor romantic feelings for someone who saved you during your time of need. In fact, it's a trope.

(You could also apply this logic to the Goddess of Decay, but I would argue that since she came to give him destructive power, she doesn't fit the firefighter-carrying-me-out-of-a-burning-building collapsing-and-being-fed-soup vibe very well.)

By the point where the story begins, however, I believe Marnac is on the aro spectrum. It could be due to trauma (caedromantic), and not just the hypothetical crush on Sanctum. Goodness knows he's got plenty of trauma to go around and mess with all sorts of emotional responses. It could be that he was always on the aro spectrum- maybe full vanilla aro, but I'm drawn to the idea that he might be demi.

It could be that he is making the choice to not act on any romantic tinglings he has, which I probably wouldn't call aromanticism, but still may manifest as looking like he's aro.

Any way I decide to look at it, though, heck, even if I decide to headcanon that he's fully allo and straight, I hope he doesn't get in any romantic relationships because it honestly makes more sense that he wouldn't. Even if he's gotten used to this world, he's still under a lot of pretty constant stress. He hasn't got any room for dating.

going to the store and only buying some deodorant is so mortifying. like ok I'm just stinky or whatever.....

when I say I like romeo and juliet I do NOT mean I like it as a tragic romance, or that I'm a fan of shakespeare, or even that I saw a good production of it once. do not be mistaken. what I mean is benvolio montague is top 5 blorbos of all time

really heavy sigh. let's☆go