Much Like Their Terrestrial Cousins, Sea Cucumbers Are Filthy Filthy Kinksters. Having Exhausted Most

Much like their terrestrial cousins, Sea Cucumbers are filthy filthy kinksters. Having exhausted most conventional fetishes, these prodigously perverted fish have resorted to developing new and unconventional predelictions to sate their holothurian hunger. Above, a sea cucumber takes a break from allowing fish to live in their anus by partaking in a cucumber-vanilla 'vore' scene.

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I am 100% willing to stake my professional reputation as the Lead Ornithographist for The Academy of Bird Sciences on the fact that the bird pictured above is incorporeal and furthermore that leucism is in fact a fraud perpetuated by the so-called ‘scientific’ community.

Animals live or die by their coloration; white animals only exist in areas with intense snowfall, and even then the coloration tends towards seasonal and not year-round and is used primarily for camouflage. Most non-scientists are aware of this fact, and can explain trivially how animals that don't blend in with their environment are easily spotted. As a consequence, any animal that stands out will be at much higher risk of predation.

Surely that should be enough to debunk this "leucism" business, but there is one exception to this law of nature. Albinism is an actual variation of natural colours; it is a genetic anomaly which renders the animal incapable of producing pigment. This can be ruled out in the Phantom Hummingbird pictured above, however, as the eyes are not the characteristic pink seen so often in albino creatures. It is also not a bird species known for seasonal colour variation, so you can't say it is winter camouflage either.

Really, the only conclusion left is that the bird pictured is in fact a ghost. I'll grant that it runs counter to "established" animal lore but quite frankly? Classification errors are made all the time by scientists on the bleeding edge of practically any field of study. At most I will be willing to grant that the above bird has suffered from exposure to the afterlife and has with the shock lost all of the colour from their feathers. Life often looks like death when it has encountered it so intimately, after all.

But honestly, I just wanted to clear the air on this and defend the TABS field interns who work so hard to bring this information to the world in the first place. Lots of people say they are interested in learning cool new things, but very few are willing to do the actual fieldwork necessary to expand our knowledge of the world. Overall though there are just enough people willing to doubt the given explanations by the so called 'learned establishment' that we can continually advance our understanding of the universe. Glad I had the opportunity to address this; for more information please refer to the first letter in every sentence of this response.

Once believed to be local superstition, Phantom Hummingbirds have been confirmed to exist. Incapable of direct interaction with the physical plane, these etherial flappers nevertheless show aggression towards more conventionally-present hummingbirds. Whether this is due to perceived slights in their previous life or simple envy over the ability to drink nectar, nobody knows.

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Spoken of only in rumour and in hushed tones, Birds of Peopleface are the victims of a centuries-long smear campaign organized by the institutionalized ornithological gatekeepers known collectively as ‘Big Bird’. Often described as ‘unsettling’ or ‘freakish’, these kind and timid avians are forced to live apart from both human and bird society, eking out a tenuous existence as sideshow exhibits or otherwise masquerading as phenomenally powerful legendary figures in an attempt to deter harassment. Unfortunately I was unable to find a photograph of these incredibly wary birds so this art will have to suffice.

Today’s bird was drawn by the incredibly talented Monica Seldow. More of her work can be found at seldow.tumblr.com

As the nesting season for Killdeer winds down, the injuries sustained in the startlingly violent defense of their nests become incredibly apparent. Despite broken bones, entire limbs twisted out of socket, and more wounds too gruesome to mention, these pint-sized powerhouses continue to fight until their nestlings are fully grown. Please, if you see a Killdeer with an obvious injury, do not approach as it is very much capable of destroying you until its final breath.

i really like the Arcane Bullshit tarot app, and hope that i can buy the physical deck someday.

Guess who has two thumbs and owns birdscience.org

*points thumbs at self* This lady! Thanks in particular to @greenskyoverme who said my url is too complicated, @blurds for sharing this post under duress because it’s my birthday, and also to all eight of my Patreon supporters (who are objectively better than my other supporters when measured on the metric of "amount of money they give me to keep writing”) for believing in me enough to fork over some cash.

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