Rainbow Land Crabs Are The Official Mascots Of Pride Month! These Clever Crustaceans Were Chosen For

Rainbow land crabs are the official mascots of Pride Month! These clever crustaceans were chosen for their many similarities to members of the gender and sexual minority alliance, like: a bisexual’s ability to dig comfortable homes in moist soil, a bright blue carapace common to so many nonbinary genders, and very obviously the glistening red maxillipeds sported by both gays and lesbians.

A relic from a bygone era, Polish Chickens were specially bred for their large and fluffy feathers. Adept at collecting dirt and dust while gently wiping away smudges, these birds would often be used to clean and ‘put a shine on’ a large variety of objects. While they have largely been replaced by synthetic feather dusters in the modern era, they can still be found in the employ of people who truly appreciate vintage biotechnology.

Name: Rufous Treepie Occupation: Assistant pastry chef

“All my life is was told ‘Rufe don’t be a fool, baking’s no business for a bird to be in’ and I tell you truly it was a hard row to hoe! But ultimately I don’t think I would have been happy following in the family business,” Rufous stares pensively into the distance before continuing, “not a good fit for me at all. I’m much happier to be doing the work that makes my heart shine most, and if I play my cards right my boss will let me have my own slot in the product lineup! I’m working on some ideas right now but I’m worried they aren’t good enough. But hey! I worried the same thing about myself when I applied for the job, and things have turned out okay so far.”

“And as you can see by my ID card I am in fact a grown adult and so I am very allowed to watch this R-rated movie.”

“You two forgot your trenchcoat.”

“... ... SHIT”

Unfortunate victims of a bio-engineering programme gone horribly wrong, Surf Scoters live every moment of their life with a whole dinosaur skull in place of a bill. Fortunately for these malformed Melanitta the skull's mouth and nostrils are connected to the Scoter’s digestive and respiratory systems, but control of the skullmouth is retained entirely by the restless spirit of the long-dead dinosaur. 

Above, a Scoter grapples with the terrifying reality it is forced to endure while the grafted skull enjoys a tasty snack.

After growing out of their childhood full of unfortunate musical tastes, Great Crested Grebes will often smoothly transition into cosplay. Like their distant cousins the Royal Terns, they tend towards cosplay of characters from moving picture shows or television serials. Above, a Great Crested Grebe parent pretends to be the Dilophosaurus which kills Dennis Nedry in the smash-hit docudrama Jurassic Park directed by Steven Spielberg.