As Their Name Implies, Stellar Jays Are Just Fantastically Perfect Birds. Novice Birders May Confuse

As their name implies, Stellar Jays are just fantastically perfect birds. Novice birders may confuse these nigh-platonic exemplars of the Jay bodyform with the much less inspiring and all-around garbage Steller’s Jay, but these true Jays can be differentiated by a sense of serene wonderment filling the viewer as this incredible creature goes about its daily business. It is advised to set several alarms when watching Stellar Jays, as their magnificence has been known to transfix birders well past suppertime. 

Contrary to popular belief, the Kiwifruit Bird is not named after the Kiwifruitbirdfruit. Both the small, round, flightless fruit and the bird it resembles are named after Elrod Kiwifruit, one of the first White explorers of New Zealand. Like Elrod, these fat birds are nearsighted and xenophobic, with a tendency to claim for themselves the property of others through sheer disbelief that other cultures may have equal value and precedent claims.

Despite not actually being members of family Corvidae, Grackles will (when asked) claim both Ravens and Crows as their older and younger siblings respectively. Curiously, this delusion seems so ingrained in these prevaricators that they often exhibit signs of ‘middle child syndrome’ and will awkwardly stand off to the side during ‘family’ gatherings or dye their feathers unusual colours in an attempt to garner scraps of attention. Despite this atypical mindset, Grackles are otherwise generally well-adjusted and The Academy of Bird Sciences recommends birders without doctorates in applied avian psychology not pry overmuch into their lineage.

A year or two after reaching sexual maturity, Balding Eagles begin to lose some of their stunning plumage. Rather than recognise that bird society’s ideals of beauty are ultimately toxic, they will often resort to crude prosthetics in an attempt to hide the feather loss. Above: a Balding Eagle conceals a moderate bald spot on the tail with a large clump of grass and twigs, crippling its ability to effectively hunt.

Unlike coastal exemplars of the species, Hamerkops who live in the savannas must find ways to surf without waves. During the rainy season they can often be found riding the heads of unusually tolerant hippopotamuses, but as lakes dry up they are more likely to be seen using each other as makeshift boards. Above, one Hamerkop aids another while a third waits for its turn.

Historically used as high-visibility life preservers on fast warships, Frigatebirds are island-dwellers who opted for millennia of laborious evolution rather than learn to swim. By inflating their gular pouch, these indolent sea-birds can float about on the surface of the water, waiting to snap up any small fish who wander by. Unfortunately the bright red sac is visible even below the water’s surface, making these clumsy swimmers prime targets for hungry dolphins.