Youve Known Ajax For As Long As You Can Remember. From The Barren Winter Of Your Youth To The Maze-like

you’ve known ajax for as long as you can remember. from the barren winter of your youth to the maze-like woods by morepesok, all of it is inextricably linked back to a hesitant, earnest grin and shining blue eyes.

somewhere in the woods is a crack in the ground. it’s stark against the snow—but rather unremarkable otherwise. he joked about falling in sometimes—“maybe someone took a wrong turn while ice fishing. what do you think?”—but you’d always drag him away before he got any other ideas. after all, ajax had always wanted an adventure for himself, however nervous he may be. (personally, it gave you chills, and not just because it was snezhnaya.)

that all changes when he goes missing at 14.

you find him three days later standing over the crack, as if he’d just crawled out. once upon a time, it’d just been a strange landmark, perhaps a start of some story. whenever you think about it now, you’re brought back to fresh, scabbed scars, deadened blue eyes, and a confident, terrible smile.

you suspect ajax died sometime within those three days.

his new thirst for violence frightens his parents. his siblings are too young to know any better, so the night he’s sent away, you make a promise to wait for him.

“you make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. you break a pinkie promise, i throw you on the ice.” his eyes have never been brighter. “the cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend…”

you curl your pinkie around his. “the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again.”

he smiles then, something unfamiliar and unsettling. “oh, when i return, i’ll take you on the greatest adventure there is.” and as you watch him leave, you think the wind howls fiercer than ever.

a few years pass. you hear about him sometimes, about his promotion to harbinger, a few rumors about his battles. (they call him something else now.) you keep your promise for the most part, but decide to visit liyue one summer for something new. it’s nothing like snezhnaya, jade city and sun-drenched land, and above all—it’s golden. it’s a dream.

you’re speaking to a tall consultant when you hear him.

“hey! it’s been a while, comrade!”

when you turn around, you’re met with blue eyes and a smile—all teeth and no hint of that young boy you once knew.

you think childe, tartaglia, is a stranger to you.

rainy season in liyue always bring sudden showers – the rain falls down fast and cold, quickly drenching fools who’d dared be outside when it came. fools like me, you think, me and him. you glance from your side of the tiny cave at the yaksha who’d decided to accompany you on your herb gathering, only to find him already looking at you.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, and in lieu of a reply, xiao approaches you.

his thumb presses against the corner of you lip, stopping a random raindrop in its path; his fingers touch the column of your neck. you hold you breath, lips parted as you process the intense stare xiao fixes you – your eyes, then your lips. for a split second he looks unsure, but then his thumb moves, sliding across your wet skin slowly from one corner to another, brushing against the outline of your lower lip.

you shiver, eyes fluttering shut at the sensation. xiao steps closer to you, body radiating warmth despite being just as soaked as you; his thumb presses down on your lower lip, then gently drags it down until it escapes his graps, leaving tingles in its wake. you exhale sharply and xiao comes even closer, the tip of his nose brushing against yours, breath ghosting your lips. he stays, immovable, hovering, and you don’t dare open your eyes, you don’t dare breathe. it’s almost smothering, his presence, his closeness, and god, please–

you angle your head just a little bit, just enough to bring him closer still. xiao’s sigh fan across your lips; he moves away and disappears.

he looks starstruck.

the stars seem to hold their breath in anticipation and freeze mid-twinkle.  it’s silent for several moments and despite the darkness, it’s the clearest you’ve ever been able to see. his eyes are wide, and a little nervous, but they’re asking quietly. it’s adorable.

there’s a delicate balance that both of you are aware could be broken by the tiniest of things. the ringing of a bell, the sound of a bike. it’s a balance you’re not sure you want to break just yet.

you have always trusted yourself to have common sense. for most of your life, you have known what to do, sometimes what to say. it’s how you had survived life thus far.

except you aren’t sure you know anything right now.

kageyama is so, so close. if you were to lean forward just a little then—

well, the balance will certainly be broken. but this is kageyama. kageyama who had been there when you needed it most, kageyama who loved and loved volleyball and more but so quietly that no one would notice if they didn’t pay attention.

and this is the kageyama you love.

you settle for resting your forehead on his. his eyes flutter shut and yours do too. you both stay like that for a while. it’s warm. this is familiar, this is safe.

this is what home feels like.

you are a human.

your scars are proof of that much. scars from wars waged and roaring, from gritting your teeth and digging your heels in to the cold, unforgiving earth. the world refuses to give, so you grab onto whatever can be taken, and run with it. your grip only tightens with each fallen kingdom, each tyrant, each god, for what else can you do? you are mortal, fragile and weak.

but you are always adapting, evolving, a spark in the vast void of the universe. this world was not made for you to take, but you do anyways. gods are chained by the heavens, but humans are free to do with whatever. it doesn’t matter how the world tries to bring you down, whether it be with raging tempests or silent poison, for as stubborn as humans are, they are forever changing.

gods might be immortal, but immortality does not equal invincibility.

just dropping by to say i love your writing so much 🥺 top tier❣️

aaaaaa thank you !! i haven't written much in a while so i really appreciate this :>