Rasputin Didnt Become A Fucked Up Sex Wizard Until He Was Like 30. Your Life Doesn't End At 25

rasputin didnt become a fucked up sex wizard until he was like 30. your life doesn't end at 25 <3

Hello, sorry for the spelling errors but a suggestion for the misadventures of the MCs

 I don't know if you like malleyuu and if you don't like it, ignore me, but if you do, imagine yuu and malleus having a moment of friendship that seems more like a romantic scene, and the other MCs watching from a distance wondering if they are sure that this is not a game otome

 I really like the idea that Malleus is the only one who didn't realize that this isn't an otome game.

I really like that idea too! However I do prefer to keep the MCs neutral so anyone can project regardless of who their favourite is. I do like MalleYuu (who doesn't love a good dragon romance?-) but since the MCs need to stay neutral think of this as like an alternate AU!

Misadventures of the MCs #B3 (Bonus!!)

Taking the Besties home #B3

Malleus: Thank you for coming to walk with me again, child of man.

TWST!Yuu: It's no problem, tsunotarou, I like watching gargoyles with you. Plus it's nice to calm down a bit after my friends came to visit.

Malleus: Your friends are... unique, child of man.

TWST!Yuu: They might be chaotic but they mean well!

(In a nearby tree)

OB!MC: Chaotic? Look who's talking...

MM!MC: Shhhhhh they stopped walking! Awww aren't they adorable?

WHB!MC: Keep it down!

LTD!MC: Hey stop shoving- OW!

OB!MC: Sorry!

MM!MC: Look at the way they look at each other! Are you sure this is just a friendship sim?

WHB!MC: To be fair I'm not sure... at least I don't think dragon prince over here got the memo-

LTD!MC: Guys, can you move? I can't see- OW! THAT WAS MY-

(The other 3 all cover LTD!MC's mouth)

Malleus: Did you hear something, child of man?

TWST!Yuu: Probably just the sound of my heartbeat, tsunotarou. Hehe~

Malleus: *blushing*

TWST!Yuu: *Is full well aware of the fact they're being watched*

WHB!MC: Whew that was close

LTD!MC: MM!MC stepped on my hand!

OB!MC: You don't have dulled sense?- oh wait you're the only mentally ok one

LTD!MC: At least I don't need to go to therapy

MM!MC: And we don't either

LTD!MC: Says the one with religion-related trauma

MM!MC: I-

MM!MC: ...

Rook: Bonsoir les Chaotiques!

MCs: AAAAAAAAAAAA-

What if Yuu didn't want to go back? What if Yuu was suicidal before, and is giving life a second chance because of the new magic world? What if Yuu wants nothing more than magic and no way "home"?

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

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Well, this is unusual. I'm in some kind of box- a coffin, maybe? Ooh, maybe I was buried alive! That'd be fun. Then I wouldn't have to-

"Aha! C'mon, human, give me your uniform! I wanna attend!"

A cat. A chubby, grey little cat with blue flames coming out of its ears just removed the lid from my brand new box and it can talk. Oh my god.

There's a tuft of off-white fur below its neck, it has pink toe beans, and its teeth are unusually sharp, even for a cat. The tip of its tail is trident-shaped and fades into black, and there's a similar gradient on its back paws.

"Grim?" My voice escapes me before I can stop it. I doubt I could stop it, though. The resemblance to Grim, my now-dead cat, is uncanny, and I've missed him ever since he left. I wish I knew what killed him, but... is this really him?

"Yes. I'm Grim, future world-famous mage!" And you are... he starts looking pensive, probably trying to guess my name. "...Yuu. Your name is Yuu."

The cat looks suprised. "How'd you know my name?"

"Is it really... you?" Oh my god, this cat is named Grim.

He's absolutely right. This has to be him.

"Myaa! Hey, human, why are you hugging me? Was I right? Put me- hey, are you crying?" His voice- Grim's voice- momentarily wavers, quieting. "Well... I guess I'll let you keep yours."

"Keep my what?"

"Your uniform. I'm going to enroll at this school to and become a world-famous mage! And, for that, I need a uniform. But..." He pauses. "I'll let you enroll, too. We can be classmates!" He brightens at the last sentence. I resume crying. "Human, are you alright?"

I nod. "Better."

Somewhere nearby is the sound of keys. Someone is trying to open a lock. Startled by the noise, I fall back in my coffin- still holding Grim- and the door of the box slams shut, hiding us both within.

"Hey, Yuu," Grim whispers, "I'm probably gonna get put down as your familiar if I don't get out. What do we do?"

"I don't know. Where are we, anyway?"

A distant click cuts our conversation short as who- or what- ever was fumbling with the keys successfully unlocks and opens the door. Footsteps start approaching, getting louder and louder, before stopping in front of mine and Grim's.

"Why is the lock on this one busted? Usually, they wait for me to open it... do we have an escapee?"

Dim light floods into the coffin, revealing me the two of us to a... plague doctor? No, this looks to be a bird-liking man. His mask only covers the top half of his face, and his eyes glow yellow behind it. He looks just as suprised as I probably do.

"I don't recall anyone with a familiar of that description on the new student register. What's its name?"

"His name is Grim." At the same time, Grim says

"His name is Yuu."

I look at Grim. Grim looks at me.

"Sorry about my hench-human, sir."

Now the bird man looks REALLY suprised.

"We don't have anyone by either of those names on the new student register." He narrows his eyes. "Are you sure you're where you're supposed to be?"

"More than sure!" Grim replies.

"Not really sure," I respond, timed in such a way that the "sure" in the two answers align.

Mr. Bird looks very confused now.

"Is something wrong, headmage?" Someone behind Mr. Bird speaks up, sounding impatient. Mr. Bird turns to the side, revealing a huge crowd of people- some short, some very tall, and some have... horns? Well, Grim has blue flames coming out of his ears, so I guess that's not too far-fetched.

"They aren't on the register." Mr. Bird sounds very confused as he speaks. I catch a "we were one student short of our enrollment quota..." from under his breath. The coffin-box to our right shakes a bit, and out comes a kid with bright, red hair.

"...Sorry. I'm claustrophobic." His explanation is enough to get most people in the room to return their gazes to me, Grim, and Mr. Bird.

"Trappola, right?"

"That's correct, sir."

Mr. Bird shakes his head, smiling slightly. "I remember. You were intentionally placed so you wouldn't have to stay in there for long. My apologies, I should've let you out by now."

Trappola grins. "It's alright. My brother told me how to do this part, so..."

Mr. Bird nods once.

"Go right ahead."

Trappola goes and stands in front of a strange, flat ellipsis that's hovering in the center of the room. His robes are very fancy and appear to be high-quality- as do the identical robes of everyone else in the room, except Grim and Mr. Bird. Am I wearing those, too? A quick glance downwards reveals the answer is yes.

"Heartslabyul." It sounds like the hovering circle is the source of the sound, and it probably is. A red-haired person who's short and too androgynous for me to believe I can accurately assume their pronouns motions for Trappola to join the crowd behind them.

With Grim on my shoulder, I hop out of the coffin-box and move to stand where Trappola did. There's a face in the black-glassed mirror, though it looks more like a mask than a face. I hold my arms just beneath my chest, and Grim, understanding what I'm hinting at, gets down from my shoulder and stands on my arms, leaning towards the mirror's shiny surface. For a moment, a mere moment, all is quiet.

"...Pomefiore!"

I turn around, Grims climbs back onto my shoulder, and a tall, blond girl smiles and motions for us to join the crowd at her back. Standing among them, I'm... Actually starting to feel welcome! People seem exited, genuinely exited, for me to have joined them. That's a first.

After a while, the ceremony is over. I have a cool new pen with a purple gem on the end, and Grim has an identical stone on a necklace. The tall, feminine, blond guy I mistook for a girl- "Vil"- leads us to our dorm.

I don't think I have magic, but I'll have to hope- otherwise, it's... something. I don't know what, but I know it won't be good.

I find this makes it much easier to enjoy.

If you know anyone who seems really chill to the point of being virtually indestructible, like nothing could ever bother them in any way, could get hit by a train and just shake it off and be totally fine, laughing it off as soon as they've dusted themselves off and stopped bleeding, but who occasionally just randomly falls apart to complete fucking smithereens with seemingly no cause nor warning, only to get back up again a few minutes/hours/days later like "ok yeah I'm fine again that was weird lmao", and you've ever wondered what the fuck is up with that:

They are actually not ok and most likely are not ok at any point. The whole "hardiest person you know who just collapses randomly sometimes" thing isn't a deliberately constructed façade, as a matter of fact it might be something that they actually personally believe themselves to be. But in reality this is somebody who's either unintentionally learned or has been deliberately trained to hide negative emotions and mask symptoms at all costs, as the #1 priority that goes over any other survival needs.

So even though it may look like they go from 1 to 100 completely at random and unpredictably, and then swing right back again to being totally fine, you have no way of knowing how long they've been at 95% before the last line of defense broke down and the system collapsed. And once they flip back up, odds are that they just managed to scrape their shit back together again just enough to get their backup masking systems running. The "check engine" light never turned on because the wire was clipped years ago.

If this is you, this is your callout to seek some sort of help. I'm telling on everyone in this room including myself.