Midmaysunray - Shunrehihosumedha’s Alter Ego

Dreams where they don’t turn reality

How much would you pay to go to the moon? I would pay it by my skills as I would be trained to be a skilled astronaut. I want to pay with my academic excellence and contribution to the man kind.

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The irony and the conjuring|October 27, 2023 evening.

It wasn’t a great ordeal nor m I proud to note down on the part where it has been me who said it out loud how important it is for an individual to maintain sanity and the decorum of their mind, yet I always deflect on the ideology of having personal therapy or counseling as I am afraid it will go against my thinking ability. What ever I have in my mind will be conflicted by someone who I just met and I have to open up evidently as money is involved.

I always contemplated the ideology of talking to a shrink but an hour to decipher yourself and your entire life is pretty less when a big amount has been charged. First session is charged for an amount of ₹2000 and if I need more in the foreseeable future, than per session will be of ₹1500 give or take on the number of sessions I will be assigned. That’s a lot of money involved to treat a brain which was damaged due to the consequences of others action. I never asked any of this to ever happen yet I am being a responsible human who is having major conflicts in regards of contemplating death.

What have I become and how did I even allow myself to be like this anyway. It sucks to even think how fragile a human mind can be as it’s the one to control your entire locomotives. If you are mentally down you are down.

But despite of the all the cons I have in me or in my mind in terms of the hoax of mental illness I am happy I took a step and went forward to book an appointment for having a counseling session. I really hope this works as my money is at stake and I need to be better for myself as I need to excel in academics as well as life while I wait for eternal glory as I hope to witness that the person I love will eventually notice me and accept me for who I am.

To new beginnings and conjuring. And it sucks to be this weak but hey we are only human.

Being too attached isn't a sign of love, but fear of loss. The ability to let go comes from being confident that what's meant for you is already yours. And doesn't need to be held so tight, or even held at all. And all that leaves only makes way for something far better to replace it.

– Suhaib Rumi

what they didn’t tell you as a child is that you will spend your whole life trying to replicate the same unconditional happiness you so effortlessly experienced back then and that it will never quite feel the same no matter how hard you try