... This Is Me

... this is me

me: i miss my wip

wip: then get back to writing

*blankly stares at page*

I've always been opposed to marking up books; writing in them, folding pages, making notes. It's the permanency I think, the same way I'm afraid to put a sticker somewhere because then it's stuck there forever.

But I also have a lot of books. And how boring will it be for my children and grandchildren to pack them up when I'm gone, boxes and boxes of impersonal books identical to a brand new copy from amazon? They won't be heirlooms, nobody will feel connected to me through them.

I'm challenging myself to leave my mark in all of them this summer. Take notes in the margins. Leave messages for future readers. Doodle illustrations. Leave something behind to be found.

tagged by the wonderful and lovely @catharticallysarcastic, thank you!

Songs that have gotten stuff in my head recently: All Too Well; How can I love the heartbreak, you're the one I love; pov; christmas tree; any and all kdrama osts basically

Foods that I have eaten recently: hamburger and fries, tacos, soba, ramen, all the spicy things

Things that I have searched for recently: enemies to lovers, some cute and romantic kdramas/shows in general, fake dating tropes, grumpy/sunshine, tickets to korea lmao

Items I have bought recently: books by mariana zapata, xoxo, the love hypothesis, HIGHLIGHTERS but pastel cause why not, and a new computer whooo

Sentences I have said recently: "That's so funny" (not sarcastically, I swear), "Aish," "Absolutely not," "I swear-"

tagging: @mschvs @maguayans @anjaspace @jojoscoffeeandwriting @bamboozled-boi @thebrighteye @ferrariwrites @pesto-patrol

Catch up tag

I was tagged by @writingonesdreams Thank you xx

Songs that have gotten stuff in my head recently: Run by Snow Patrol, Coffins by Bohnes, That Way by Tate McRae

Foods that I have eaten recently: mashed potato with butternut squash, onion rings, shredded wheat filled with apricot

Things that I have searched for recently: enemies to lovers books, taboo smut books, bookish purses, songs from The Ultimatum, songs from One Tree Hill, querying, Joey King - The Princess

Items I have bought recently: a teddy bear to my mum, Jane Eyre (I read it, more than once, never owned somehow), a zombie sign for the man's door, Game of Thrones notebooks (Am I a GoT fan? No. Did I need more notebooks? Also no. Do said notebooks look like actual hardcover books? Yes. Is that reason enough to buy them? Also yes.)

Sentences I have said recently: "I'm the most affectionate, why would you say otherwise?", "Stop hugging me. Seriously, enough.", "Let's send them on a suicide mission, doo doo!", "So who would you rather bang, Jon Bernthal or Theo James?", "Peek Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek!!!"

I'll tag @bloodlessheirbyjacques @moonlitinks @adie-dee @foxesandmagic (no pressure, of course) and whoever would like to do it xx

ahhh literally was thinking the same about your blog 😌 I just love the aesthetic and how clean it is

omg fellow uni student … I can relate, so much. + time consuming, cause sometimes I’d have writing inspo but I’d need to be doing assignments instead rip

and thank you! abyss was such a good drama, as are recent ones like business proposal hehe. hoping to finish a bunch of the plotting for both wip’s this summer so I can get a better sense of the storyline haha.

also, I do feel much better 🥰 hope you’re doing well!

hellloooo thank you for the follow! xx

15. Describe your occupation in 3 words.

hi!!! of course! i really like your blog, it's motivational and soothing? idk if those are the right words to describe it. but it has a really nice vibe!

15. Describe your occupation in 3 words.  ahh i don't have one atm. but i'm a uni student so how about this:

insightful, fun, grueling

send me a question!

what fate decides [taehyung x reader] [part 2]

join tag list for future works | masterlist of all works previous | next drabble

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 become a member on my ko-fi page! or buy me a coffee 💞

summary: You're a beta in love with your best friend, alpha Kim Taehyung. Except you know that you can never fulfill his dominating urges, so you draw a line between the two of you. Cherish his small kisses and embraces until an omega has to come along.

Until one day, you're not a beta anymore. Now, it's nearly impossible to resist the protective, endearing alpha in front of you.

pairing: taehyung x reader

chapter tags/warnings: angst, self-depricating thoughts, fluff, alpha/omega, a/b/o dynamics, best friends to lovers, slow burn ish, smut, mature, swearing, car accidents

tags: @theblueslytherin @tatyhend @tinyoonsblog @vsmith0099 @midnightsora @cupcakesxdomjoon @likeshatteredrainbowglass @scuzmunkie @kookiwu @xjiminsthighsx @dreadity @lovelytaes-blog @noooodlllleeee @ggukkieland @namjoonshug

You remember how he used to creep through your window and curled up next to you. Your bed creaked as you let him settle, but every sound—as he took off his shoes, chucked off his jacket, ran a hand through his hair, all this illuminated in the moonlight—shattered your heart. It’s as fragile as glass whenever he’s around, and wonder how many more times you’d have to mend it together until it’s just not possible. 

“What’s it like?” You had to ask. “Being an Alpha?”

You’re sure that your memory is different from his. All you remember is coming home one day, ready to throw the kid out the window because he annoyed you all day, placing pranks for you around the school and sticking his tongue out. It’s not fair that the sunbae’s loved him too, and that he got away with everything if he smiled wide enough. The boxy smile and crinkling in his eyes were enough to melt any girl’s heart, including yours. Though you expected to confront him about that and skipping classes, his mother confronted you—telling you he was an alpha. 

He was sixteen then. You seventeen. But by then, you were well-aware of the impacts of designation. Enough so that you left without asking questions. 

His arms went around your waist. Mouth near the back of your neck, him burying his face in your shoulder. Legs tangling up with yours. As a beta, senses weren’t as heightened, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t smell someone else on him. Mijun. And it made you want to throw up. Because it’s all too clear what he spent the night doing—calming his urges down.

Well, not urges, but… yeah. It was mutual for the two of them, and you liked Mijun as an acquaintance. She was one of the few people who treated you nicely and hung around Taehyung at the same time. 

“What’s it like?” He asked in return. “Being a Beta?”

“Dull,” you responded. Hopeless. Beta’s and Alpha’s don’t go together. They just don’t. Biology demands for an Omega to be with an Alpha. Same with the other way around. You, you were like the leftovers the world created. The followers—the secretary in the movie that cleaned up after everybody’s mess, but was never given credit for it. 

At least, that’s how it felt as a teenager. 

“Uncontrollable,” he told you. Added, “The only time I feel like I’m in my right mind is with you.”

Yeah, because you’re logical. There’s nothing more to this exchange except that you two will be friends. And it only made the bitter taste in your tongue get worse. 

That part didn’t change. 

There are certain telltale signs—other than the additional signs of aggressiveness, stronger scents that even you can pick up, and constant growls—that accompany Taehyung when he’s about to go into rut. For one, the idol becomes impossible overbearing, becoming attached to your hip and hovering over you like you’re either pregnant or weak. 

This is one of the many reasons I didn’t come to Korea, you think, as the alpha comes in with several grocery bags. Like come on, you are a Beta. Capable of carrying both an Alpha and Omega on your backs, which is why usually you had positions where you were the mediator. It’s a talent, multitasking—doing jobs and calming down both so called levels simultaneously. 

“Did you want to eat something?” 

“No,” Taehyung mutters, scowling at the string of hoodies on the ground. In your defense, you were entranced in a scene, and refused to be sucked out of it. Cleaning up after yourself would cause you to lose all the ideas you came up with plot wise. “I’m cooking tonight.” 

“You learned how to cook?” You laugh. 

He scowls. “Of course I learned how to cook. Who’s going to take care of you? All you do is order to-go food.”

It’s not just the food that’s annoying him—you can tell. It’s the fact that the two of you fought over where you would stay. Taehyung kept arguing that his apartment was available, but you didn’t want to take advantage. And yeah, you understand that it’s stupid not accepting a free space where you don’t have to pay rent, but then when you think about how the media would portray it, it all sounds wrong. So you reside in a small apartment a bit larger than your studio, and let him come over. 

“Hey!” The protest rings loud and clear. “I can cook a great ramen, where the noodles aren’t overcooked and there’s just the right amount of broth. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“No, because ramen isn’t healthy.” 

“If you’re going to be like this, find an omega to spoil, Taehyung ah,” you joke. Your heart clenches, but you force the smile to remain on your face. It’s better this way, to create distance. Now that you can’t do that by land or ocean, you have to do it through words. 

Yes, it’s painful, pushing Taehyung away. But you’ve lived with the fantasy of a beta and alpha being compatible for years, only for it to be crushed whenever he slept with another girl, or snapped at you through his ruts. Just like the alpha could be gentle, he could be vicious, too. And it wasn’t—isn’t—your job to calm him down in that area. 

It’s his omega’s.

98% of marriages between an alpha and beta end in divorce, you tell yourself when the idol clenches his jaw. Taehyung and you won’t be any different, not that he’s even interested in you in the first place. 

“So, what are you going to cook?”

“Curry,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. The other hand is placed on the small of your back as he kisses your shoulder, then your forehead. “Go rest, love. You look like you’re about to topple over.”

Yeah, because the mattress that you bought—one of the cheaper ones—isn’t as great as the one in America. And as you’re getting older, your back is only annoying you more. So you lay on the sofa as Taehyung cuts the green onions and starts chopping the carrots in silence. When he started cooking, you can’t even recall. All of a sudden, he just starting to grow taller than you did, and take care of you like you used to take care of him. 

It’s unsettling, really. 

You want to scream.

In joy, of course.

Heading home from a cafe, you’re beaming, nearly tripping over the sidewalk as you run home. You managed to finish plotting your novel, and are finally—finally—satisfied at how it would turn out when you start writing it. And today is the day—it has to be. You’re running home when the idol himself calls. 

“You have a meeting today with the PD?” You ask. “Or do you not have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“Ha,” Taehyung mutters. “Funny. I was wondering—” That’s when you spot him. Wearing a coat and dress pants, along with a pair of sneakers by the streetlamp. The wind’s blowing, sending the December snow scattering into your eyes, but you squint through it to get a better glance at him. Your nose is cold, and your teeth are chattering, and you should be home. But here you are, picking Taehyung up. There’s a scarf around his neck, but you know it’s not from him. It’s not his. Shivering, your hands are too numb to press the end call button. 

Taehyung’s eyebrows knit together, but then he glances up. His eyes are smiling already when he steps forward. And you don’t think. You run.

Stupid, stupid mistake. The light might be green, but the snow’s heavy. And your timing has always been terrible. Your legs ache, but then you slam into something. Lights—yellow? white?—flash in front of your eyes, and you don’t know what happens. You’re just on the ground. Your bones feel like they’re shattered, and you whimper. It’s more than numbness you’re feeling now.

Fire. Fire is spreading all throughout your body, and it’s like something has knocked out your voice, making it impossible for you to do anything. 

Then fear. It sets in like the ice pricking your skin. You want to thrash, but you can’t. 

“Love? Love. Love,” he repeats. First with the nickname he gave you, then your actual one. Hovers above you, calling your name, voice hoarse and throaty, panic laced in the edges. Just like always, you’re drawn into Taehyung, your senses tunneling in to focus on nothing but him. Even the sirens drift into the background, along with the other hands that are grabbing you, checking your pulse, making sure you’re alive. 

“Stay with me!”

BONUS (cause I was bored and wanted to stay in this drabble for a little longer):

Providing for you pleases Taehyung. You don’t know it, of course, but the way you unconsciously react to him—eyes brightening, lips curving upwards, and head tilting back—it tells his alpha that you’re submitting to him, eager for his return. Sometimes, before he can think better of not ruining the friendship the two of you established, he’ll lean in and wrap his arms around you, burying his nose in the crook of your neck.

Fighting the urge to mark and bite it. Leave hickeys around in the area so everyone—including you—can know you’re his. For now, he has to provide indirectly. Making sure that you have a nice apartment, one that isn’t blocked by other buildings and has the right amount of sunlight. You also like the garden balconies, so he gets you one. 

Anything you want, anything you need, it’s yours. 

“We could sleep. It’s just the same bed,” he protests. “We’ve done it since we were kids. Fuck, we take naps together even now with you and top of me.”

“That’s on the sofa.” 

“And what’s the difference of it being on a bed?” 

“There is no difference,” you hesitate. “But you are in rut, Taehyung.”

“Noona,” he sighs. “I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m in tune with my alpha, and I know when my rut will hit me hardest. I promise I’ll be out by then, but I just want to cuddle with someone who’s not my members at all. So come upstairs, okay? I’ll be waiting.” 

He’s not wrong—he is comfortable. Legs tangled together, you let him play with the strands of your hair, arms wrapping around his waist. You can hear his heartbeat, head laid directly over it. That, along with the soft coos his alpha makes, causes your eyes to grow drowsy. So when Taehyung pulls away for a second, you mumble incoherent words, something about your heating pad disappearing. 

And then the alpha hears it—the soft whines that settle when he molds himself to you again. It subsides in an instant, and his eyes widen when he takes in your closed eyes and parted lips. If anything, your beta is calling out to him, and though the two pairs—alpha and beta—aren’t usually mated, this itself shows that you’re attached to him. 

More than attached. Attracted. 

June - Monthly Drabble

“You—”

“Try it,” he scoffed, then coughed from the dust rising. “The unevenness has caused more of us to fall in these pits—and only few make it out to be reincarnated.” 

“I—” Her throat closed. “I don’t understand.” 

“You don’t need to,” with a wry smile, he leaned back against the decaying bones. “Just make yourself comfortable for another month or so and hope for the best. When they’re done killing each other, then try to negotiate with the gods and make it out.” 

“You want to just die?” 

“Turn around,” he muttered. “I wouldn’t even wish that on my worst enemy.”

taglist: @hahaha-darn-it @hadhafang @ramblings-of-teen-angst @mschvs @aajames217 @bamboozled-boi @luckyricochet @catharticallysarcastic @decamilue @theblueslytherin @tatyhend @tinyoonsblog @vsmith0099 @midnightsora @cupcakesxdomjoon @likeshatteredrainbowglass @scuzmunkie @kookiwu @xjiminsthighsx @dreadity @lovelytaes-blog @noooodlllleeee @ggukkieland @namjoonshug @angelarin @jaiuneamesolitaiire @acsycharm @hollyweird0 @yourtmblrgirlfriend @hesmyphenominiall @decamilue