Taehyung Imagines - Tumblr Posts

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who secretly records his voice to be your ringtone, your alarm, and anything else you can possibly personalize on your phone

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who uses you as a body pillow

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who will have a secret code between you and him. Like one of you will shout, “Deploy Human Shield”, and the other will stand in front of that person like a security guard, deflecting anything coming your way or simply prevent being noticed by someone

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who considers little domestic fights as a healthy part of the relationship

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who draws little finger stick figures on both your fingers and take cute couple pictures with your fingers and his

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who sends you bits of messages to send support and love while you study

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who learns ballroom dancing so he can take you by surprise and dance with you

I imagine Taehyung is the kind of boyfriend who will recommend to you things you've never tried (or never thought you would like), and you find out it's actually pretty good

Soooo did I call it or did i fucking call it? I fucking called it :D

More "type of boyfriend" imagines found here

I imagine Jungkook is the kind of boyfriend who silently follows behind you to make sure you’re okay even when you are upset and you say you want to be alone

JAZZified. || kth.

❝It felt unreal. It felt too perfect to be real. You were convinced that these moments only happened in fictions, like books or movies, which made this whole scene even more unbelievable. Yet, as he began to gently spin you around while his smile brightened at your mesmerized gaze you knew this was real. It was like a fairytale, but it wasn’t just some fairytale. It was yours.  ❞

➳ summary: your boyfriend taehyung wanted to take you out to a jazz club and maybe, maybe, fuck you afterwards with jazz music in the background.

➳ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

➳ genre: idol!au, established relationship!au, they're so whipped for each other help, fluff, smut

➳ warnings: taehyung & y/n smoking together, taehyung smoking is hot okay leave me alone, fingering, oral (f. receiving), sex without a condom (reader is on birth control tho), breast/nipple play, creampie, clit stimulation, big dick tae

➳ wordcount: 6k

➳ a/n: hello y'all! this is my very first work here and I'm very excited to post this.☺️ criticism is always welcome, I'd be also happy if you'd interact with this post lol. hope you enjoy reading this! <3 also the cover was made by one of my gorgeous friends tysm Janina <3 sadly she doesn't have a tumblr blog so I can't tag her but I'm very grateful for it it's beautiful❤️please share & comment, this would help me a lot since I'm still new here! also please keep in mind that this is the first time I've ever written smut, so if it's bad I'm really sorry, I'll try my best to improve my writing <3

[this was also posted on ao3]

When you first met Taehyung you were convinced the two of you didn’t have anything in common. Because damn, while you were just – well – you, he was a fucking superstar. He lived in a totally different world than you, which was simply way out of your league. He was way out of your league. Yet the two of you still found your way to each other, slowly falling in love, despite all the differences you had. While you were quiet and reserved most of the time, Taehyung was cheerful and had these boyish charms everyone would fall in love with, often hanging out with his friends or going to clubs was his way of enjoying himself. You didn’t mind that at all.

So once the two of you got to know each other more, slowly becoming comfortable with the other one around, you spotted an interest the both of you shared together:

Jazz.

You slowly made your way to the bar, drawing the waiter’s attention with a wave of your hand. You sat down on the bar stool, very keen to not ruin this gorgeous dress that made you feel bad and poor just by looking at it. It was a short, black dress made from chiffon with transparent sleeves that accentuate your curves in all the right places. You truly felt confident and sexy in this.

The dress was a gift from your boyfriend, Taehyung. It was the first time you accompanied him on a tour, and as the two of you went shopping a few days ago you spotted this dress, immediately falling in love with it. But after seeing the price, you knew you couldn’t afford it, so you had to leave it at the store with a heavy heart.

The two of you had a date tonight after his concert, which you sadly couldn’t go to due to work zoom meetings you had to attend. Taehyung found this Jazz Club online, giving you his puppy eyes which you could never resist so you agreed on this date, despite being not much of a club person. But it was for Taehyung and the two of you didn’t have a date for a long time, so why not going to a nice Jazz Club in Las Vegas, the city famous for its nightclubs. The only thing you were sad about was that you couldn’t wear the dress you loved – well, little did you know that your boyfriend really loved to make you happy.

You really had a whole jump-scare as you spotted the dress this morning, laying neatly folded on your bed with a handwritten letter on it.

Wear this tonight for our date, my love. You looked so gorgeous in it. Can’t wait to see you later.

- Love, Tae.

So here you were, waiting for him in this beautiful dress at the club. Strangers in the Night by Frank Sinatra was playing in the background, and you immediately smiled. Taehyung and you loved this song. You wished he was here with you right now, dancing to this beautiful song like all the older people surrounding you did.

It was funny how there were only elder people in this club. Sad to think that your generation didn’t appreciate the beauty of Jazz anymore. Well, they were clearly missing out.

As the song slowly came to an end, your gaze began to wander. Not many people were in this club, a few couples were dancing on the dance floor while other people were just sitting at the tables, enjoying the music while having a few drinks. You knew why Taehyung wanted to go to this club. It wasn’t too loud or overwhelming, it had nice songs, classics mixed with new hits and a welcoming atmosphere which made you feel safe in here.

Just as your thoughts began to wander, you felt a presence behind you. Wanting to turn around, you were caught off guard when someone suddenly covered your eyes. You wince, a tiny yelp escaping your lips.

“I swear to God! Taehyung!”

You put your hand on your chest, your heart beating like crazy due to the sudden shock. He let out a deep chuckle, his lips kissing your hair while your head fell on his chest, his smell making you feel dizzy. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, as he swayed his hips to a song in the background while his lips continue to kiss your hairline. You felt him smile, so you automatically started smiling too.

“How was the concert?”, you asked as he sat down after awhile next to you on a bar stool. He waved to the bartender, ordering drinks for the two of you. Then his attention was back to you. Only you. One of the things you appreciated the most about Taehyung was that whenever you talked, you had his whole attention, like only you existed at this moment. When you first started dating it made you a little bit uncomfortable, because he didn’t take his eyes off of you for just one second, watching every move you made. But after you got used to it, it truly made you feel special. You could practically see the love he had for you in his eyes, which in return made you love him even more.

“Amazing. I loved seeing Army again and performing with the guys. I just wished you were there to see me”, he said. You lowered your gaze as you sighed. “I know babe. I wished I could’ve seen you perform as well, you’re always so amazing up there. I’m so proud of you, congratulations to another successful concert.”

You raise your glasses in a toast, celebrating his success. The wine Taehyung ordered tasted sweet, with just a hint of sourness of the grapes, mixed perfectly with the alcohol. You could always count on your boyfriend’s taste.

As Taehyung drank another sip, you took the time to take a closer look at him. Your boyfriend always looked gorgeous, but something about him sitting here in this club just wearing a white button-down shirt with black trousers had you almost drooling for him. He still made you feel like this, despite dating him for almost 4 years. Well you were not to blame, anyone would be stunned by his beauty.

“Are you done starring at me, my love?”

“No, you have to appreciate beauty when you see it. And right now, it’s right before my eyes, so I can’t leave it there unappreciated.”

“Is that so?”, he asked with his deep voice, giving you one of his famous smirks. You felt the temperature rise, or at least you thought you did, because it was getting really hot under your boyfriend’s gaze. You smiled slyly, leaning over from your chair. His eyes widened a bit which made you smile even wider. You knew he could see directly in your décolleté, the way you pressed your boobs together clearly turned him on, you could see that.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and you put yours around his broad shoulders, stabilizing yourself.

“It was definitely the right decision to buy this dress for you.”

“You really think so?”, you asked, playing with the fabric of your dress. He gulped, shifting in his seat to distract himself. You took the opportunity to slide your fingers between the strands of his curly hair, scratching gently at his scalp and causing a slightly shaky breath to leave his lips.

“You look so fucking good babe”, Taehyung said, his eyes heavy with lust as you lean in to kiss his plump lips. His tongue slipped inside your mouth, gentle but demanding, which caused you to claw your hands into his shirt, pulling him harder against you. You felt him smirk against your lips, but as soon as your hand found his biceps, caressing him slightly, he groaned softly, low in his throat, and pulled you and the chair you’re currently sitting on closer to him.

“They’re all looking at us, Tae.”

“Let them, babe. Let them fuckin-“

“No”, you cut him off, smiling as he whined at the loss of your body pressed against his, your lips not longer meeting his. “I thought we were here to dance, Tae”, you said, raising an eyebrow at him. He looked so good, his lips red and swollen from the kiss. You probably didn’t look any better. It seemed like he was only realizing now where the two of you were, in a club full of people who now looked at you disgusted and slightly annoyed, which made your boyfriend visibly blush.

“We really had a whole make-out session right before their eyes, huh?”

“Yup, pretty much”, you said, smirking slightly when he blushed before you stood up which earned you a raised eyebrow from the man in front of you.

You reached your hand up to him, an amused smile on your face as you looked at him. Your opposite seemed to catch the message and slowly took your hands in his warmer ones. He gave them a short squeeze. You started to pull him up, liking the feeling of his larger hand covering yours. It seemed to fit perfectly. He seemed to fit you perfectly.

“Well then, shall we dance?”

He chuckled, his low tone instantly sending shivers down your body. He dragged you with him to the dance floor, which was almost empty and you laughed as he playfully spun you around, before pulling you against his muscular chest, causing you to blush slightly.

“You look so beautiful, my love. This dress was made for you”, he said, his hands ran down your sides, slowly, causing you to shiver. Taehyung noticed that, of course he did, and he smiled at you with mischief, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Thank you, handsome. You don’t look so bad yourself”, you admitted, and your hands find their way to his shoulders, then to his muscular chest as you opened the first two buttons of his shirt, grinning up to him. He only raised his eyebrows, chuckling, but let you continue with it nonetheless.

A new song began, the familiar tones of Singing in the Rain by Doris Day made you sigh in pleasure, and Taehyung, your beautiful Taehyung, gently took your hand and grabbed your waist, pulling you closer against his strong body. The two of you started to move to the beat, slowly at first, because nothing else mattered right now. Nothing but your boyfriend, his pleasant, almost intoxicating smell and the song, your song the two of you danced to.

It was an incredible feeling. The way the two of you looked into each others eyes made you forget everything around you. You didn’t know where you were and for what reason, because it wasn’t important anymore. The only thing you could see, feel was him. His beautiful eyes that only seemed to be looking at you. His smooth and soft looking lips that drew you a smile, almost shy, which made you smile in return. His fluffy brown hair was glued on some parts of his face due to the sweat that seemed to be slowly running down his pale and flawless skin. It was hard to resist the urge to trace the trail of sweat with your fingertips. His hands kept you steady as both of you slowly moved around the dancefloor along with the music. It felt unreal. It felt too perfect to be real. You were convinced that these moments only happened in fictions, like books or movies, which made this whole scene even more unbelievable. Yet, as he began to gently spin you around while his smile brightened at your mesmerized gaze you knew this was real. It was like a fairytale, but it wasn’t just some fairytale. It was yours.

As the song came to an end, your head was on Taehyung’s chest, your eyes closed as he continued to rock slowly to the music with you in his arms. “You seem tired.” Taehyung’s low voice pulled you out of your thoughts. Only now you realized that yes, you really were tired, his presence and the music made you forget all the stress you had to deal with the last days. You looked up at him and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, smiling as he saw you yawning.

“Should we head home?”, he asked, while he put his large hand on your right cheek, stroking it gently. You pull him closer, too tired to speak as you close your eyes yet again. He chuckles.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, will ya?”

“Shut up.”

He gasped and dramatically put his hand on his chest. “You’re so mean. I was just asking man”, he pouts cutely. You rolled your eyes at him, and as another song starts in the background, you just fall against his strong body, too tired to even care. He catches you, of course he does, and laughs as you make no effort to move. “Let’s just go home, Jagi”, he whispers in your ear, slowly going backwards to the bar with you.

Now it’s your turn to sulk.

“But we only got here.”

“Yes, but you’re tired.”

“I’m not!”

“Now you’re straight up lying, my love.”

“No”, you whine, “I want to keep dancing with you.” He raised his eyebrows, chuckling at first. But then, then, he saw your serious expression, and he stopped, looking at you with full attention. “We can always go back here”, he assured you. “Really?”, you asked, hopeful. You wanted to dance with him forever, never wanting this beautiful moment to end. But it had to, of course it had to, and it wasn’t a bad thing, you realized.

“Let’s go back to the hotel.”

The two of you walked outside the club, holding hands. Even though it was the middle of the night, the streets were full of people, laughing and just enjoying themselves after a week full of stressful work. Nothing surprising, you were in Las Vegas after all. You snuggle closer to your boyfriend, almost freezing to death. Pretty stupid of you to only bring a vest with you, huh? Well, at least you had a hot boyfriend who could warm you, right?

Said boyfriend casually wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, while he used his other hand to get out his cellphone to order an Uber which would take you both back to the hotel. “It’ll be here in five minutes, babe”, he announced, chuckling slightly as you hugged him even tighter. “You heard me, Y/N?” “I did. Jus’ cold, that’s all”, you mumbled, taken aback by the warmth he radiated. He could literally be your personal heater – oh wait, he already was.

He kissed your head, which made you smile despite still being in the cold. Taehyung was trying to move, grumbling when he couldn’t reach whatever he was searching for. “Babe, just lemme smoke, will ya?”, he asked and you could hear the click of a lighter. Ah, so he did found what he was searching for after all.

“Only if you give me a cigarette, too”, you said, to which Taehyung only gave you a confused look. You were pretty shocked yourself, usually you would always pass when someone would offer you a cigarette, but right now it sounded pretty appealing to you, and to be honest, the thought of smoking together with your boyfriend was kinda hot. “Since when?”, he asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and putting one between his lips, his gaze still lingering on you.

You only shrugged your shoulders. “Why not? Might just give it a try”, you respond, and as he offered you the pack of cigarettes, you simply took one and put it between your lips. He lighted his cigarette, looking at you intensely, which made you gulp, your legs rubbing together deliciously, and as you thought he would give you the lighter, you were taken aback when he leaned down and lighted your cigarette with his own.

You almost moaned out loud. God, why was it so hot seeing your boyfriend smoke? It turned you on so much, yet you didn’t know why. But there wasn’t enough time to care. His eyes looked at you intensely, so many emotions and unspoken words lingering in his gaze, making you shiver, and he exhaled the smoke in your mouth, before kissing you deeply. What you thought would be a huge turn off made you gasp instead, and you exhaled the smoke too, and damn, you were so turned on, just by him. Your smoking hot boyfriend.

“You’re so needy”, Taehyung said in a lower register, his voice so deep, so needy itself, and you just nodded, because you couldn’t deny it. You wrapped your arms around him and he pulled you closer to his warm body, giving you a smirk, your cigarettes colliding as the two of you smoke in silence, waiting for the Uber to arrive.

Which it did. A few minutes later, while you had the cigarettes between your fingers, trying to extinguish it. “Let’s go home, Tae”, you said, smiling, and then taking his hand. The smell of cigarettes surrounded the two of you, but you didn’t get sick surprisingly, no, today you liked it, because it was so Taehyung. Maybe you should talk to someone about your newfound cigarette kink though.

When you got into the back of the car, Taehyung told the driver the address of the hotel and he drove off. The traffic was heavy, so the ride dragged on and you became more and more impatient. You wanted your boyfriend so bad, and the fact that he was sitting next to you, looking like that, made it even harder for you to be patient. So you spent the whole drive looking out the window as the lights and skyscrapers of the big city passed by. It actually did help to distract you.

Now Taehyung and you were standing in the hotel lobby, and while you admired your environment again – because damn, dating Taehyung came with such luxury you still weren’t used to – your boyfriend talked to one of the employees, nodding, and then coming back to you. You gave him a smile, which he returned and then he took your hand, walking to the elevator. He pressed one of the buttons for the upper floors and the elevator began to move. After a few seconds you were at the top, and apparently your boyfriend couldn’t wait any longer, because he literally dragged you out of the elevator in the direction of your room.

“Who’s the needy one now?”, you whispered, mocking him fondly. For a second you actually thought he turned red, but he turned his face away from you, making you giggle, while he fished the key to your room out of his pocket. As you entered the room, the two of you were met by darkness, but neither of you turned the lights on. You could only see Taehyung’s silhouette in the darkness, but something about this turned you on, and apparently he thought the same, because he kicked the door shut and came over to you, smirking almost devilishly.

“This fucking dress on you drove me insane all night”, he muttered, and he was so close that you could feel his breath on your lips. He kissed you like it was his last meal, and you moaned, pulling him closer, every curve of your body meeting his, so that they could merge perfectly together.

You stumbled backwards into the room. His hands were all around your body, your shoulders, your breasts and then your stomach, wandering deeper, deeper, and it took all of your self control not to burst. Your back hit the wall, and the way Taehyung bent lightly over you, looking at you like you were his prey, made your knees weak. Weak for this fucking man.

He leaned down, nibbling at your ear, causing you to moan, your hands to find their way to his fluffy hair, tugging it, and then he whispered: “I will fuck you so hard in this dress, ruining it, so that no one else will ever see you in it again. Is that want you want, my love?”

“Yes, p-please”, you answered, your voice sounding hoarse, which made your boyfriend smirk proudly. He kissed you again. His insistent mouth was parting your shaking lips, sending wild tremors along your nerves, evoking sensations from you you had never known you were capable of feeling. You just knew one thing; he completely ruined you for every other man, which wasn’t a bad thing, because you won’t ever get rid of him anyway.

His lips wandered deeper, down to your neck, where he left a trail of kisses, agonizingly slow. You turned your head slightly, giving him more access to your neck, and he bit down hard into the flesh, marking you as his, because that’s what you were.

“Taehyung.” His name left your mouth like a prayer, yet it was more of a sin.

“What? Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you”, he murmured, his voice so low, so dirty, as his hands found their way to your legs, kneading the flesh of your inner thighs, dangerously close to your heat. “Jump”, he ordered, and you did as you were told, your legs wrapping around his torso, and as his clothed erection met your core, he took a sharp breath, his eyes meeting yours in the dark, where you could see the lust and love in.

As Taehyung made his way towards the bedroom, you kissed him again, biting down on his lips, which made him open his mouth to let out a deep, breathy moan. You took the opportunity to slide your tongue into his mouth, to explore his mouth, hot and wet and so perfect. Taehyung pushed the door open and before you knew it he was laying you gently on the bed, your head meeting the soft pillows, because no matter how wildly the two of you would make out, Taehyung would always put your safety first.

You panted heavily and you could feel how wet you were for him between your legs. There was no way you could wait any longer, you needed him in you right now, so you pull him closer to you, desperate to feel his cock buried deep in your pussy.

“Taehyung, please”, you moan, your legs rubbing together desperately.

“Please what? Use your words, princess”, he said, smirking down at you. Your hands explore his body like he did before, stroking his shoulders, his muscular arms and then sliding down his chest, which made him groan, down to his pants where his erection was clearly visible. He was painfully hard, you wonder how he still didn’t complain about it.

Feeling bold suddenly, you straighten up a bit, your hands finding his neck and pulling him closer to you, your lips finding his ear, his weakness, and you bit down, smiling when Taehyung moaned out loud, his grip around your body tightening. You whispered in his ear: “I want you to eat me out, Tae. Want to feel your hot lips in me, slowly, while you make me cum in this dress. You love it so much, right? And then I want you to fuck me in it. Want to feel your big cock in me so bad.”

Taehyung felt himself becoming harder at that, your filthy words making him feel dizzy. “Your wish is my command”, he said, leaning down to kiss you passionately. God, he would never get tired of your lips, so soft and sweet.

His lips began to wander, again, starting at your neck where he could already see the marks he made, and then finally down to your breasts. He looked up to you, your eyes closed while moaning out loud when his fingers pinched your nipples through the fabric of your dress. You roar up, and he had to push you back into the sheets.

“Taehyung.”

Gosh, his name sounded so heavenly on your lips, voice so hoarse, filled with so much need. For him.

His lips sucked on your nipples through the thin fabric of your dress, biting them lightly, and the scream that escaped you drew a grin from him. You were a mess for him, he loved it, but damn was he a mess for you too. He would show you that later. But now… no, something was missing. Something important.

You looked at him as he straightened up, confused. “Tae, wha- “Wait here, my love. I’ll be back in a minute”, he said, and then he was already gone. You sighed, confused but still horny, and then your head fell back against the pillows. A few minutes later you opened your eyes again. The soft tones of Jazz music rang out, instantly making your whole body relax and you smiled fondly as Taehyung appeared in the doorway again.

“Ah, I like this Taehyung”, you sigh, waiting for him to got closer to you again, and as he hovered over you, you kissed him again. The kiss was accompanied by music, slow and sweet, but also strong and passionate like the melody in the background.

Taehyung pulled his shirt over his head, and it landed somewhere on the ground, and your gaze wandered over his body. Your fingers traced his six pack, the strong yet soft skin beneath your fingers was hot, and Taehyung moaned as you came dangerously close to his erection. He pulled your fingers away, instead led them to his soft lips and kissed them, so tenderly and lovingly that your heart felt heavy at the sight.

His weight pushed you back, deep into the mattress as he leaned towards you again and continued his journey. His lips caressed your breasts one last time, before he moved downwards to your stomach, leaving kisses along the way. You gasped as his lips found your core, your hands pulling at his hair, closer, you needed him closer.

You were leaking for him. Taehyung could taste you through your panties, and gosh, your taste was everything. His fingers pulled your panties down, slowly, and he groaned when he saw how wet you were. Just for him. His dick twitched in his pants, now painfully hard, but no, he would take his time to eat you out first, just like you wanted it.

He inserted one finger into your heat, and you bucked, moaning loudly as he began to move. The obscene noises caused by your wetness were music to his ears, and it only caused him to move faster. “Tae, oh god, Tae”, you moaned, desperately to feel more of him. So he put a second finger, and then a third, and you screamed out, clenching so tightly around his fingers he almost lost it. He looked up at you, and as he saw how your eyes rolled back and how hard your hands clenched around the bed sheets a proud grin appeared on his handsome face.

“More, please.”

He pulled his fingers out, and you whined at the loss, but Taehyung led them to your mouth instead. “Taste yourself on my fingers, princess”, he whispered, his voice sounding so low. And as the song in the background came to an end, your lips sucked his fingers, hard, tasting yourself.

“Look how you taste yourself on my fingers. Good girl. Do you like how you taste?”, he asked. You could only nod, too lost in the pleasure to form any words, yet alone sentences. As you released his fingers he moved downwards again, his breath hitting your bare pussy.

“Taehyung!”, you screamed as his tongue dug deep into your wet folds. His fingers stimulated your clit meanwhile, and it drove you crazy. He drove you crazy.

Taehyung himself moans at your taste but also the sight of you shamelessly fucking yourself on his tongue, leaking all over him. You look absolutely sinful using him for your pleasure, head thrown back and playing with your breasts. His cock feels unbelievably hard and as much as he’d love to fuck into your tight pussy, he needs to feel you cum on his face.

You felt ready to burst as his tongue moved faster, buried deep in your heat. You clenched around his tongue, which made him only move faster, harder, making you scream his name. “I’m so close, please”, you whine, pulling at his hair. He hummed, the sound vibrating in your core, and you screamed, cried his name out as you came on his tongue.

“Oh my god”, you whispered, your head falling back as Taehyung continued to explore you with his hot, wet tongue. “You taste so delicious, my love”, he spoke in a lower register, and as you looked down at him, you moaned at the sight; his chin and lips were dripping, wet with your juices.

“Come here”, you whispered, and he did as he was told, leaning down, his lips meeting yours in a steamy kiss. You could taste yourself on his lips, his tongue as he slid it in your mouth, exploring it shamelessly. “I need you, Tae”, you begged, your hands moving down to his pants, and he bit down hard into your lips.

“I need to be in you, right now.”

“Please.”

He unzipped his pants, took them off along with his boxer shorts, and tossed them carelessly behind him. His cock sprung free, hard and already leaking with precum, and he pumped himself a few times. “Fuck me raw Tae, please”, you whined, and his eyes widened. He could swear his cock became even harder. “Fuck really? Are you sure?”, he asked. This was too good to be real.

“I’m on the pill”, you answer, and he could burst at the amount of happiness he felt right now. Just the thought of fucking you raw almost brought him over the edge.

“Are you ready?”

You just nodded, impatient, because you needed to feel him already. He guided his stiff member to your entrance, and when his tip met your heat, you both moaned out together. He thrusts into you, hard and fast, and a scream escaped your throat. He bit into your earlobe to keep himself from moaning, but when you clenched around his dick he let out a deep growl.

“You feel so good babe, so fucking tight around my cock”, he whispered, his voice sending shivers down your entire body, your nails leaving deep scratches on his back, but that didn't bother him. It was the complete opposite; he loved it.

“Faster, oh God please move faster babe.”

Your wish was his command. He lifted one of your legs over his shoulder and at the new angle he could thrust deeper into you in places that made you scream. Your lips crashed together in a messy kiss, teeth colliding and tongues moving together as Taehyung continued to thrust into you in this pace. You lift your back, still playing with your hard nipples and moan out load when he hit a particularly deep spot.

“Yes, there. Feels so good, oh god”, you moan. He was so big, so deep buried in your tight pussy, it made you see stars when he only continued to thrust harder into you. You could feel how close you were, again.

Taehyung too felt close to his orgasm, panting heavily. The obscene noises even put the music in the background.

You whined when he pulled out of you, shit, you were so fucking close. “Turn around for me, princess”, he spoke, and of course you did. Now laying on your stomach, you could only feel the sheets moving when Taehyung took his new position. His fingers found your pussy again, caressing it, and then his big cock was back in you again, filling you out completely. The stretch was deliciously.

This position made him hit new spots in you, spots you didn’t even know existed, and his fingers found your ass, kneading the flesh. He thrust into you, hard, over and over again, and you felt your orgasm slowly building up again. You were complete butter in his hands. He could practically do anything to you right now, you wouldn’t care, you only needed his dick buried deep into your pussy.

Taehyung grunted loudly and grabbed your ass with both hands, helping you to move your hips. It felt good, this entire position felt just so fucking good. You placed your knees on the bed and spread your legs as far as you could, your hands still gripping the bed sheets firmly, and you started to move your hips back and forth slowly. It felt really good, and it only started to feel better when Taehyung started to knead your ass and grunt loudly, and you could only imagine what view he had – his cock sliding in and out of you as you rode him, your ass on display, your legs spread wide for him. You knew he loved that, you could tell by the way his grunts slowly turned into high-pitched moans.

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.”

He panted heavily, both of your bodies covered in sweat as you moved together shamelessly. You were so wet for him you just kept sliding up and down his length, over and over again.

His legs began to shake, but he couldn’t stop moving, not when he was so close, so desperately close. His fingers found their way between your legs, rubbing your clit.

The moan that left your mouth the second you felt his fingers against your clit sounded so carnal and animalistic that you were almost embarrassed, but it was hard to focus on anything else other than Taehyung’s cock inside of you and his fingers on your clit.

All you could think of was his fingers on your clit, and the way his big, fat cock filled you out completely.

“Milk my fucking dick, babe. Come all over my cock”.

That was the last straw.

You held onto Taehyung’s thighs and started moving as fast as you could, but your movements got sloppier and sloppier each time you bucked your hips into him and you knew you were coming when your eyes rolled to the back of your head as Taehyung’s fingers mercilessly rubbed your clit.

Your orgasm rushed over you. A scream left your lips, then your head met the pillows again. Panting heavily, you could only lay there as Taehyung still thrust into you, chasing his own release.

You could hear the whines and grunts leaving his mouth, and as his movements became sloppier you realized he was close. So you tried to clench your walls around him. Taehyung kissed your shoulders, leaving wet kisses everywhere when his orgasm hit him, shooting his load deep into you.

The whine he let out when you clenched your walls around him to milk every last drop of his cum out made your head spin. The room was filled with your heavy breaths and the smell of hot, steamy sex. You sank into the mattress, too tired to care that his cum was leaking out of your pussy. Taehyung dropped down next to you, immediately pulling you against his warm body.

“That was amazing”, he kissed the top of your head, causing you to smile. You nodded, your hands caressing his cheeks. You just got up quickly to finally take off your dress and immediately got back into bed, snuggling tightly around his body as he pulled a blanket over the two of you. You felt exhausted, yet so pleased and happy you could burst. You snuggle closer to him, and your breathing slowed until you finally fell asleep together, his hand on your back while yours laid on his chest, where his heart laid.

The notes of jazz music still rang out and the melody haunted both of you, even in your dreams.

uploaded: 05/23/22

watch and learn - k.sj.

genre: fluff (1.3k)

summary: this is just chaotic fluff.

masterlist

with their new comeback on the way, jin had been preoccupied pretty much all of the time, for choreographies and recording, or just in general, discussion of the album, you tried not to disturb him as much as you could, keeping your distance and letting him breath but at some point, maybe you gave him too much space, because he walked into your apartment one day with a huge pout, practically attacking you with his embrace and kept mumbling how much he missed you, so you asked him how you could spend time with him without getting in the way.

“you can come and watch me practice the choreography” jin suggested, happy with his idea and you were a little reluctant about it, sure you loved spending time with him but you didn’t want to disturb his routine.

“will the others be okay with it? i mean wouldn’t it be distracting?” you asked nervously and he chuckled, shaking his head, finding your worries a little silly considering everyone who knew about you both, loved you a lot.

“trust me, only i would let myself get distracted by you, and the others are so comfortable with you so no, it wouldn’t be a problem” he reassured you and you nodded, thinking that idea isn’t bad at all.

“okay, when are you going to start?”

“4 in the morning” jin answered simply and your mouth dropped with your eyes widening, the bag of chips sliding from your arms to the sofa.

“even the sun isn’t up then” you muttered in disbelief and he looks amused at your reaction, leaning over you to take the bag and munch on the chips.

“it’s only me at 4, the others come in around 7.”

“why are you going 3 hours earlier?” jin scratches the back of his neck, nervously chuckling and you frowned, following his jittery movements with your eyes.

“no reason, just be there at 4” he kissed your temple and left you, and you still kept wondering what possible reason he could have to be that early. you did get up though and got ready, cursing jin the entire time for making you wake up at such an ungodly hour.

the building was silent, as it should be this early, and you tip-toed your way to the top, trying to keep your footsteps as light as you could, you kept jerking at the smallest sounds, yes you believed ghosts existed and right now, any sound was terrifying for you, and a branch snapping behind you had you jumping, you quite literally ran to the practice room and opened the door, breathless and flushed. jin paused his stretching and quirked an eyebrow at your state and you just shook your head, dropping your bag on the floor, all energy draining out of you.

“i just heard something and decided to bolt” you explained distractedly, looking for your wallet and jin held in his laughter.

“oh, really? tell me, was it a demon with horns who decided to mess with you?” he teased you while sliding the wallet that had fallen to your feet back to you, you just glared at him and tucked your wallet back in. unlike you, jin looked fresh and very much awake, as for you, you were pretty sure your dark circles spoke for themselves about your state.

“did you already start?” you asked, pulling your hair into a ponytail, making yourself comfortable on the floor and he nodded, walking back towards the center of the room.

“only once though, i messed up a little so i thought might as well wait for you to come in.”

“don’t let me keep you waiting then, start practicing again.”

“so bossy” he mumbled jokingly with an amused smile but still turning to switch the music on. their new song boomed from the speakers, startling you a little, it sounded really catchy and you already knew it was going to be another hit for them, jin lightly tapped his feet to the beat before starting to move around, counting in 8’s to himself. seeing him in his element was still something that surprised you, he was always very focused and sharp when it came to work and you just watched him play the song again and again, doing the same moves, almost in a trance by just seeing him sweating it out.

suddenly, he groaned out loud, throwing his head back and switching the music off, and you frowned, getting up from where you were and walking to jin, who had his head down, heavy exhales leaving your mouth in short puffs.

“is everything ok? did you pull a muscle?” you asked worriedly, running your hands on his arms, trying to soothe any pain that was there and your frown only got deeper when he gently pushed your hands away, stepping away and sitting down on the spot, it hurt you that he rejected your touch so blatantly but it didn’t matter how you felt when jin looked so down all of a sudden.

“i keep messing up” you heard a low mumble from below and you sat down in front of him, tilting your head to look at him clearly.

“which is why you’re practicing babe” you reassured him, taking his hands in yours, rubbing soft circles on the back of them, and he shook his head, letting out a sigh.

“yeah i am but i still get it wrong, even if i turn in for practice 3 hours early, i still can’t get it right, it just, it feels bad, you know? to always be behind” he trailed off, looking even sadder than before and you gently kissed his hands, guiding his chin to look at you.

“jin, you’re not behind, you’re not behind because you work so hard, you turn in early, you always make sure you’re doing it right, don’t discourage yourself, you’re an incredible dancer, bts’s choreographies are insanely intricate and powerful, and you pull each one of them off with the utmost grace. the way you shine on stage is absolutely unreal and your fans are so, so proud of you for that” you spoke softly, waiting for him to meet your eyes, and when he does, you give him a gentle smile and pull him up. he seemed to be more in ease now, his frown disappeared and you were glad your words went through to him.

“you’re not proud of me?” he asked, sniffling dramatically and you scoffed.

“am i not your fan?” he laughed at that, kissing your cheek, turning to switch the music on again and you got an idea.

“how about i dance with you? then you can see how good you actually are?” you suggested playfully and he shrugged happily, you weren’t a dancer, everyone who knew you, knew that your arms and legs moved like noodles.

“sure, it must’ve gotten pretty boring just sitting there.”

“it wasn’t boring, seeing you dance is a delight trust me. now, watch and learn” you said jokingly in a cocky way and jin smirked at you, knowing the disaster this would end in, the music blared through the speakers and you tried to keep up with jin.

emphasis on the tried.

he moved way too quickly, you kept losing your focus and only flapped your arms around awkwardly, obviously missing the beat with your footsteps, and jin moved quick but precisely, making sure he was doing every move but also getting distracted by your sloppy movements, he tried really hard to hold in his laughter whenever he caught a glace of you and when the song finished, he let himself fall on the floor, holding his stomach while loudly laughing.

you just scoffed and tapped your foot, annoyed that you even thought you could keep up. jin slowly sat up, wiping at the happy tears on his face and you couldn’t help but smile when he looked that happy.

“see, you’re so good, do you get that now?”

“i do, i do” he agreed, trudging to you and wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck.

“thank you, i feel a lot better now” he whispered in your ear and you smiled, happy that he was back to himself, you kissed his cheek before pushing him away.

“you’re all sweaty” you scowled and he chuckled, reaching over to hug you again, not letting you go, you gave up with a sigh, letting him hug you before breaking away.

“this is sweet and all, but i’m going to go and sleep on that couch, you can continue practice” you yawned, exhausted from the one time you danced and he chuckled, clearly even more amused now.

“you sure you don’t want to keep showing me your awesome dance skills?” he asked, obviously teasing you and you plopped yourself on the couch, turning away from him to catch up on the sleep you missed. he just smiled when he heard your loud snores break the silence in the room and got back to practice.

soon, the other boys bust into the practice room, each louder than the music itself and jin rushed to tell them to quiet down, they looked around confused, then their eyes caught your sleeping figure in the corner and they all laughed at your loud snores.

“why is she sleeping? she’s usually up watching us” namjoon asked jin and jin’s eyes grew fond at the memory of you dancing like a lunatic a few hours ago.

“ah my dance machine needed a break from their fiery moves.”

blossom - k.th. (teaser)

genre: fluff, angst (slow burn!)

word count: 38k+ (yikes, i got carried away T-T)

summary: "can you please make me a bouquet which conveys 'fuck you'?"

taehyung sighs as he sits back down after making a large bouquet of different roses for a man who clearly needed to apologise to someone, considering the amount of money he spent, he probably fucked up pretty badly.

and he watched her pass the store again.

her.

a mystery, he wanted to unravel who she was.

coming on - 27/3/21 !

send me an ask to be added to the taglist :]

a little bit of love - k.th.

genre : fluff, angst (3.5k+) (request for @ofrosesandteacups) thank you so much for requesting, i hope you like it :]

summary : there’s nothing that freaks you out more than love does.

masterlist

when you first met taehyung, you didn’t imagine how far you guys would come along, sure you liked him from how your friends described him and how he presented himself to the masses, but to come to a point where a day wouldn’t go by without you missing him even as he sat beside you, was beyond you.

you almost felt ridiculous for cuddling up even more to him just at the thought of him being gone for work the next day making him chuckle and gently pat your head. the tv played some old 80’s movie that taehyung loved and served as ambient music which was both romantic and full of yearning. just like the two of you sat in front of it.

“what’s got you like this?” he gestured to your arms that looked close to suffocating his torso but you didn’t weaken your grip, only burying your head in his chest even more.

“you’ll be gone all day tomorrow” you softly whined, your voice coming out muffled and just clear enough for taehyung to hear and he let out a sigh at your words. it was going to be so hard to go to work tomorrow, how could he possibly say goodbye to you for a whole 24 hours after you do and say the things you do?

“i promise i’ll make it up to you, we can go to dinner at that diner you like this weekend” taehyung offered, hoping that would lift your spirit up a little and you nodded happily, any time with him was perfect for you.

“deal” you whispered and before taehyung could ask you about which movie you wanted to start next, he heard your slow, even breaths fill the silence and he simply let a fond smile grace his face, as he shut the tv off and devoted his entire attention to watch you sleep. not in a creepy way, in more of a ‘you’re so fucking cute, i would die for you’ way.

and it was in that moment, your arms never losing their tight grip on him, your nose twitching ever so often in your sleep and your legs wrapped around his, taehyung decided that he was helplessly in love with you and that conclusion only solidified for him when he reached to kiss your forehead, he still felt his body erupt in tingles, these tingles that he gets whenever he’s with you haven’t died since the day, he’s met you.

taehyung was in love. and he wanted to shout it from any building in the world.

-

you kicked the blanket around your feet as you tossed and turned to avoid the sunlight burning your eyes awake, and with one final groan, you pushed yourself up to lay on your elbows as you cursed everything about the day when its barely begun. you saw taehyung’s side of the bed empty and sighed, you remembered how warm he felt last night, and how his voice put you right to sleep, your cheeks warmed as your mind travelled to how he promised you his weekend just so you wouldn’t be sad and your heart did a good old flip as you continued to think about him.

you heard yeontan yapping at your feet, waiting for you to give him all your attention and love, you gave the cheery dog a soft smile before scooping him up in your arms and letting him lick all over your face while you giggled and tilted your head away from his sloppy kisses, once he finally calmed down, you just buried your face into his fur and realized yeontan only reminded you more about taehyung.

this was going to be a long day without him.

you could feel your stomach drop a little at the sad realization and you deemed it so unfair that you couldn’t spend every minute of your life with hi-

wait a minute.

it hasn’t even been 8 hours since you last saw him so why were you acting like his funeral was tomorrow? why did you miss him so much when you were literally in his arms not too long ago?

your head snapped up as you caught yourself thinking that as your legs flung over the side of the bed, your eyes widened at your own thoughts. any and all romance draining out of your body, as familiar dread and paranoia took its place.

where was all this coming from?

the last time you felt like this, was in grade school, when you still wore a little skirt and tie, and sat at the bleachers as you watched your then-boyfriend with flushed cheeks and giddy eyes, play basketball, he would always take the ball, give you a cocky smirk and say, ‘this one’s for you’, only for the ball to always fall to the side instead of into the hoop. you would just give him an awkward smile and slow applause, maybe you should’ve taken that missed shot as a sign that your relationship would end in disaster.

because all the while you adored and gave him heart eyes, he would smile right at your face, only to send a wink and smirk to someone else over your shoulder.

and now, after all these years, you gave those same lovesick eyes to taehyung. and you could feel your palms getting sweaty just at the thought of your relationship ending the same way.

of course, you knew better, you’ve come a long way since school, done a lot of growing up, and now, you were confident in yourself and you were almost completely sure that taehyung never did that. almost.

but how much did you see? maybe you missed it at some point. you let out a loud groan and fell back on the bed with hair everywhere on your face.

fuck, you were royally screwed.

it wasn’t even noon and your mind was hell bent to make this your worst day.

how could you think of taehyung like this? sweet, kind taehyung, who’s giving you his weekend, taehyung who always kisses you on the forehead at night when he thinks you’re sleeping, taehyung who defended mint chocolate with an adorable pout on his face, taehyung who cooed and played with every baby he saw, taehyung who knew everything about you, the good and the ugly, and still stayed, and most importantly, taehyung who loved you.

he loved you, it was no secret. boy was as whipped as they come, and anyone with two eyes could see it and he didn’t have to say it to you for you to know, you just knew that he loved you, he trusted you enough to introduce you to his dog and that was a very big deal to him (you quote, ‘it’s like you’re meeting my parents’).

and that scared you, because holy shit, this man is ready to give you the world but would you ever be able to carry everything he gives you? were you ready to admit to yourself that you would give him twice the world he gives you because that’s how precious he is to you?

you aren’t ready.

and you don’t think you ever will be.

maybe you should’ve gone to therapy for your commitment and trust issues when you were still in university because you definitely regretted flipping the finger to your kind on-campus counsellor now (she was actually very condescending and forced you to talk about your problems instead of easing into it like a good counsellor would so fuck her but you were still on that train of hating yourself, weren’t you?). it was almost like you never thought your issues would come back to bite you in the ass.

whatever, you can push this under the rug like you always have. it should be fine, it’s the way you have always dealt with, push it under the rug or run away from it.

and you know how ridiculous your thoughts are right now, you couldn’t possibly run away from taehyung, because here you were, all dressed up in a baby blue dress with your hands occupied in three large bags of takeout food for the hardworking boys in the practice room in front of you. and yes, you also know how pathetic it is to be so scared of being in love with this man and then coming right back to him because what if he missed his lunch? (you just wanted to see his face and no, you couldn’t go an entire day without him).

you sheepishly poked your head in and saw all of them scattered around the room, their heads snapping towards the now open door and you quickly looked for your man in the crowd, only to find him already looking at you with surprise evident in his eyes and a confused but lovely broad grin on his face as he happily skipped to you, pulling you in and closing the door behind you, almost immediately enveloping you in a warm hug.

“what are you doing here?” he happily sighed into the crook of your neck, and you could feel your heart stutter a little at the clear joy in his tone. you pulled away from him to lift the bags in your hands up.

“thought that you could use some food” you tilted your head to look at everyone else, giving them a shy smile and bow, taehyung looking at you with those eyes that he seemed to always look at you these days.

those lovesick eyes.

“fuck i love you” he chuckled slightly, grabbing the bags from your hands and walking away to set them on a table, not noticing how wide your eyes have gotten or the panic in your face as he said it.

he finally said the words you’ve been both dreading and longing to hear, and in such a casual way, you knew he just said it in a playful way for all the food you brought in but that didn’t mean your heart didn’t drop to your ass when you heard them. you snapped out of your trance when your ears caught them call you in a chorus, ushering you over to them.

“everything okay?” he whispered just low enough for you to hear, making sure that it didn’t catch anyone else’s attention. and as much as you wanted to fall on him and tell him everything your mind was putting you through, you gave him a tight smile and nodded your head.

you quietly walked up to them and only spoke when you were spoken to, a little too lost in yourself, looking to the side when taehyung nudged your elbow a little. you were never this silent, you were always bubbling with things to say or you made some dry jokes about your own suffering that had the whole room laughing, but right now, you just weren’t you. and that worried him.

“of course, i am always okay” you let out a nervous chuckle slip past your lips as you said it, cursing yourself for the slight break in your tone.

you weren’t okay.

you weren’t okay at all.

and taehyung knew that.

you could tell he wasn’t convinced at all with your answer so you just sighed and decided to come clean.

“we will talk about this later, okay? it isn’t anything bad, but it isn’t necessarily good either” you rambled silently, and taehyung, though unconvinced and worried sick now, nodded in agreement, giving you a side hug and kiss to your temple making your heart wrench in place even more.

“you know i love you, right? and that you can tell me anything?” you knew.

that was the problem.

you fucking knew he loved you and you didn’t know how to handle that.

but until your inevitable discussion later, you just leaned in for a kiss on his cheek making his cheeks flush and hurt a little at the almost immediate smile that grew on his face.

“aw look at them being all cute” jimin cooed from where he stood, clearly not having noticed the prior tense environment around the two of you.

“i’m telling you, it’s the honeymoon phase. they’ll be at each other’s throats soon” jungkook snickered harmlessly, as the others argued that you both have been in this honeymoon phase since forever now and it didn’t seem to go away anytime soon. and you turned red as they all continued to tease the two of you, making lighthearted jokes at how whipped you were and you didn’t have it in you to laugh like you usually would.

with jungkook and everyone else around you, people who you have become so comfortable with, it was all too overwhelming, you fit in so well, almost too well and that was one more thing for you to worry about.

when did you start feeling so at home with all of these people?

and why did spending lunch with them feel so normal all of a sudden?

you usually had lunch at your workplace with your friends, and you wouldn’t say you enjoyed it very much, because most of the time, you all were too exhausted to hold fun conversations, so it was all a very monotonous routine. but now, with taehyung and rest of them, you could feel bubbling energy every second you spent with them and it just felt so perfect.

but did it feel that way for them? or were you just intruding on their normal routine?

after a silent excuse to leave to work early and way too quick of a goodbye, you left with an even heavier mind than the one you spent all morning with. and even if you thought you were being subtle, your sour mood caught the attention of everyone in the room who were more concerned than you thought they would be.

“are you ready to tell me what’s going on with you?” taehyung walked in your apartment to see you slumped on the sofa, eyes teary with your focus on the tv which played somber ending music to a show (you weren’t crying because of the show, you were crying because oh my fucking god did you hate being you at that very moment, you were wallowing in self pity and with thoughts that you’ll die alone and loveless with around 20 cats, you even placed an order for catnip and bed impulsively for a cat you didn’t even own). you were doing great, clearly.

you couldn’t delay this conversation anymore without hurting either of you two even more.

“huh?” you sniffed, turning to see him pulling his coat off while keeping his narrowed and concerned eyes on you, you have never heard that tone on taehyung or seen him so agitated in a while.

at least both of them were never directed at you.

he dropped down next to you on the sofa, pulling the large bag of chips from your arms and setting it aside before looking right at you, refusing to break eye contact, leaving you to be the one to break it off with a sigh.

“i’m going to need you to listen to me without saying anything for the next 10 minutes because this is really hard for me to talk about, and i am not even sure what my actual problem is, i just don’t feel okay and i think i’m going to explode any second” you rambled, clearing your throat awkwardly at the end and crossing your arms across your chest like you were trying to protect yourself from your own words.

taehyung had never you seen this vulnerable, with your red-rimmed eyes, quivering lips and a loose sweater hanging off your shoulders, refusing to look at him, instead focusing on the socks adorning his feet and voice coming out in quiet gasps and whispers that he could barely hear.

you looked so fragile, so close to breaking to him. and that broke him too.

“whatever it is, we will figure it out together” he softly let out, forcing your arms out of the hold it had over your chest and tenderly grasping onto your hands, it made you feel exposed, even more vulnerable than you already were.

“i told you to be quiet” you choked out in a groan, tears pricking your eyes and he immediately cooed, rubbing the back of your hands and assuring that you now have the complete room to yourself.

“you know how things are going so well for us? like we spend at least 5 days in a week together and we’ve introduced each other to our friends and we’ve spoken briefly to each other’s parents too?”

“yeah, we’re obsessed with each other god.”

“taehyung?”

“yeah?”

“shut up.”

“okay” he chuckled and gestured for you to continue, making you smile a little too.

“i just feel like everything is going so well, and i feel so happy, so comfortable, i feel like i’m at a place in my life that i’ve been running towards my whole life but now that i’m actually here, i feel…scared?” taehyung raised an eyebrow at the end of your sentence, but not questioning anything because you continued your worried rant.

“it’s like, everything about you and your life has fit in so perfectly with mine, even with your busy schedule and my pain-in-the-ass work hours, we somehow make it work but i’m scared that it will all just go away at some point and i’ll be back at square one. i’ve never felt like this before, i love you, a lot and i love everything about us, i’m so happy with how we are, i just need reassurance that we will stay like this for as long as we can be, that’s all” you let out a deep breathe you didn’t know you were holding and looked at him nervously, chewing your bottom lip and you were sure that you bit it too hard. your heart pounded so hard, it felt like it was going to escape the cage of your chest.

“first off, stop biting your lip like that, you’re going to split it open and second, i love you too and third, is that it? you’re scared that we won’t last?” taehyung looked at you in disbelief that you would even think that you could get rid of him as his hands tightened around your own.

“and that you will leave me for someone else” you sighed out, figuring that it was best to just lay it all out there while you’re at it. taehyung just looked down and shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“you really don’t have a clue of how in love i am with you, do you?” you slowly shook your head at his rhetorical question.

“well, i guess i have to remind you. you have nothing to worry about when it comes to us, okay? whatever we are, and whatever we will become, i promise to try my best to always make it work for us, because just like you said, i love us and i love you. and if you don’t know what to do, we can figure it out together, i haven’t been in many relationships either, at least not meaningful ones so i have no clue but together, we can do anything, yeah?” he waited for your nod which came shortly after his words, you didn’t even realize you were crying until taehyung reached up to rub your tears away gently with his thumb, all while holding a soft smile to you.

“i love you, okay? and i am not going anywhere, i don’t want to be anywhere else so next time you feel like this, don’t suffer alone, come to me and we can either cry together or i can kiss your tears away, whichever works for you, though i would prefer the k-“ he was cut short when you literally threw your body on top of his, he immediately broke into a small giggle, reaching to wrap his arms around you too.

“i think you liked the kisses idea” he lightly teased making you laugh and mumble a low ‘shut up’ into his hoodie.

“do you promise? that we’ll try till we can’t?” you leaned back with glassy eyes and he smiled, nodding his answer.

“i promise, now you shut up and come back here” he pulled you back so that you would fall with your head nestled into his neck again.

“oh, one thing” he spoke up again and you let him continue.

“can you bring us lunch more often? because they all seem to love you more than they love me” he pouted a little, recounting how everyone rushed to ask him if everything was okay with you after practice was over and you smiled a little, feeling a little stupid for worrying so much about intruding on them.

“of course, as long as i get to see you” you jokingly blew him a kiss to which he reacted with an equally dramatic reaction, clutching his chest and scrunching his eyes shut, acting like he got shot and falling off the couch, the silence being filled with your loud laughs.

and that is how you end all your nights with him, filled with joy, and filled to the brim, with love.

turns out you didn’t need therapy after all.

but what were you going to do with all that catnip now?

could you (kiss it better)? - k.th.

genre: fluff (11.7k)

summary: will you ever be able to get over your crush on kim taehyung?

a/n: this marks the end of the fools universe (which can be read individually)! i’m very overwhelmed and excited for this final part, but i will miss writing this universe a lot, i struggled a lot with this one but i’m happy with the ending, thank you to every single one of you who’s read it, it means the world and more to me, i hope you enjoy this last part a lot <3

masterlist       series masterlist

“i don’t know what to say, kim taehyung” taehyung hangs his head low as his professor chews his ear out, he really should have just finished his assignment instead of being curious about jin’s love life.

“you are not even close to passing this semester, let alone having a decent grade, i know you take this subject as a minor but it still affects your overall score” taehyung nods at his words, wincing every now and then because he didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until his professor narrates it to him.

“you know that this could potentially harm your scholarship, right?”

“i am aware” taehyung shamefully replies and his professor sighs at him.

“taehyung, as your parents friend and well-wisher, you worked hard for this scholarship and i can’t just watch you throw it all away” taehyung absolutely hates when his professor gets personal with him.

why not just lecture him and let him go?

he can take the harshest words without feeling a lot but the second it gets personal; he feels guilty for slacking off.

and taehyung hates feeling guilty.

“because i know how much this will hurt your record in the long run, i will pass you this one time, only once” as soon as those words leave the professor in a disappointed sigh, taehyung internally cheers but it’s short-lived. someone enters the same classroom and taehyung doesn’t know who they are which is weird considering he knows all of his classmates. at least he thought he knew everyone. he carefully eyes the new person in the room, with furrowed eyebrows and pouted lips, trying to identify her.

“ah, y/n, right on time as always” so her name is y/n.

taehyung doesn’t understand why she looks so nervous but he just assumes she’s just one of those people who doesn’t like being around people.

“you asked me to come, sir?” you trail off, already feeling a blush crawling at the back of your neck with taehyung in the same room.

it’s no secret (to yourself) that taehyung has been your crush since you started university and saw him having a playful banter with the professors and just seeming to have a blast with his friends, he was simply the coolest person you saw, and that led to a hopeless crush on your side, but you also know that he has no clue about you.

and suddenly being in the same room with him, you feel flustered and intimidated, not in a bad way, more so in a ‘wow, you’re even more gorgeous up close’ way and your hands don’t keep still, they keep shaking with a mind of their own and your head is nothing but a fumbled mess.

“yeah, your assignment was perfect, you covered every important point but still managed to make it easy to read, keep it up, y/n.” you stay silent with the praise you get as your professor hands your graded assignment with a smile on his face and you bow before taking it from him.

A.

you sigh in relief and look up to notice taehyung giving you a weird expression, and you didn’t know what to make of it, you were sure you didn’t look that ugly today nor was your hair a mess, today had been a good day, looks-wise for you but then again, you imagine that a guy like taehyung has higher standards.

taehyung, on the other hand, just couldn’t understand how you don’t react to the praise or the high grade, if it was him who got an A, he would be busy getting smashed in some bar but your nonchalance confuses him.

whatever, he’s got a failed semester to care about right now.

“and right, you asked me if you could tutor someone for extra credit?” the professor asks you and you nod in response, you need that extra credit for your scholarship to hold for the next few semesters, and a little extra money from it wouldn’t hurt you either.

“yes, i did”

“what about him?” the professor points to kim taehyung and your eyes widen, but it seems like you’re not the only one taken aback because taehyung immediately turns to the professor with a frown on his eyes.

oh, he does not like the idea.

you can’t help but be a little disappointed when he looks that annoyed over this.

he doesn’t even know you so you can’t exactly blame him but his reaction makes you internally wince.

“you didn’t even ask me” taehyung complains noisily to the professor and you just keep your head low, deciding to talk only when you’re spoken to.

“you really don’t have a choice here kim taehyung, you are failing and only passing because i passed you, and the least you can do to improve is get a tutor, i would be grateful if i were you, y/n is one of the best students we have.” you feel a little bashful with all the praise you’re getting, the professor is always this way with you but you can’t take it gracefully with your crush is standing right there.

but it’s just dawning on you that you have to tutor him, your crush, actually spend time with him, help him out and improve his grade, spending time with him is the only thing you could think of right now though even if it both terrifies and excites you the slightest bit.

mostly terrified though.

“fine” taehyung surrenders with a not-so-subtle glare thrown to the professor who really couldn’t give less of a shit by the looks of it.

“good, you two can work out a schedule together” the professor says dismissively, grabbing the papers off his desk and his bag, nodding at you two and leaving the room.

the room felt suffocating with taehyung’s heavy mood and your inability to defuse it, you are supposed to discuss the plan with him but you’re not going to initiate it, you don’t want to seem that desperate, besides you think it’s better to leave him when he looks annoyed, you don’t want to accidentally piss him off.

so, you quickly turn towards the door and speed walk out of the room, taking a deep breath and leaning against a wall outside the room, you didn’t expect this from the end of your day. seeing taehyung from anywhere closer than ten feet away is definitely not what you expected and your heart is still pounding from being in the same room as him, you feel warm all over and you don’t know if you feel elated or embarrassed.

-

you groan and take your glasses off to rub at the bridge of your nose, classes were a drag and you have work piled on for the weekend, it’s not like you had any plans but it would have been nice if you could rest for a bit, and the lunch in front of you isn’t helping at all. it doesn’t look appetizing and smells old, you are not even sure if you can eat it.

“what’s up?” you hear from right beside your ear making you gasp and flinch, moving away from the sound and your glasses slide off the table, making a clattering sound that makes you flinch more.

“woah, calm down” you lift your head to see taehyung standing there with a huge smile and your eyes widen, he picks your glasses up and holds them out to you, you take them back with shaky hands and put it on yourself.

when did he get here? you usually notice when he’s in a room.

“you scared me” you mumble and push your glasses up, unable to look straight at him for more than a few seconds, you don’t think you can handle that, so, just imagine the way your heart jumps to your throat when taehyung takes a seat right beside you.

“didn’t mean to do that, sorry” he smiles brightly as he leans his face on his propped-up hand and sits wide-legged in front of you, his knees are brushing over your legs and if he noticed, he doesn’t care about it but you do, you care about the way your heart slips continuously when his skin carelessly touches yours.

he definitely looks like he is in a better mood than he was a few days ago.

“it’s okay, did you need something?” you look down at your food, picking at it with a small whine caught in your throat as you wait for him to answer.

“we need to discuss our schedule” you raise your eyebrows at him, you thought because he never got in contact with you again, that he simply just didn’t want it and you brushed it off, thinking it was probably better for you too, your crush on him was embarrassingly huge and you know how nervous you will get, so you were relieved when he didn’t try to contact you.

“i thought you weren’t doing it” your response is as nervous as you feel.

“i wasn’t but i don’t have a choice” he chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. he looks ridiculously attractive in his simple oversized t-shirt and cream-colored trousers and his awkward habit is endearing, your cheeks flush as you look away from him and back to your food.

“can we talk about this after i’m done eating?” you never really prepared yourself to have a conversation with him so you just wish he leaves you alone for now and comes back when you’re not feeling and looking like shit.

“you’re going to eat this?” taehyung murmurs in disbelief, side glancing the less-than-appetizing food in your tray.

“i don’t have a choice” it feels weird to repeat his words to him but from what you can see, he doesn’t think too much about it which is a huge relief.

“yes, you do” he says with a sigh, getting up and you look up at him with scrunched eyebrows.

“you’re coming to lunch with me and don’t worry, it’s my treat, one of many now that you’re my tutor” he grins easily at you, grabbing your backpack from the seat and eagerly waiting for you with bright eyes and his entire posture is relaxed, like having lunch with a stranger is totally okay with him.

is this what extroverts are like?

why was he so comfortable with you? this is your second time meeting and you didn’t even speak directly the first time.

it didn’t seem like he was asking you to come either, more like just waiting for you to join him, so you get up with a stammer in your step, anything that is not your college lunch is something you would welcome happily and lunch with taehyung doesn’t seem like a bad idea, not yet.

but you’re nervous, though one thing that saves you is that you have always been good at hiding how you feel.

taehyung smiles at you one last time, so easily, so beautifully, like it wouldn’t make you stutter, before turning around and leading the way, with your backpack slung over his shoulder, you feel too shy to ask for it and that you will probably stutter through your words when you speak to him, so you just silently follow him out of the cafeteria, ignoring the weird looks you two got on the way out.

you cautiously step into the classy bakery that taehyung takes you to, he tried to make conversation on the way but your answers were so short that even you felt embarrassed, taehyung though, didn’t look like he cared, if he found you awkward, he didn’t show it and you were grateful to him for that.

“namjoon hyung is the manager here, so i can get us a pretty discount” he winks at the end of the sentence, obviously as a joke but you can’t help how flustered you feel with a simple wink.

you are eating lunch with your crush who you thought was way out of your league, is something you have dreamed about, you never actually expected to sit across taehyung as he talks animatedly about how good the coffee and desserts are here.

judging by the fruity and addictingly sweet smell that fills the air around you, you don’t question his praise, your own mouth waters at the thought of the pretty pastries you see lined up right at the counter and the coffee bean smell is so soothing, you might have just found your favorite place that wasn’t your apartment.

a waiter (you can’t believe he’s a waiter with how handsome he was) comes up to you both but taehyung already seemed to know the guy who groaned as soon as he saw taehyung, taehyung leans back lazily in his seat with an ever-present grin on his face.

“why do you come back with a new girl every week?” the pouty guy whines at taehyung and your eyes widen with your head still down, so you’re not the first one he’s brought here, it was foolish of you to think so as well and taehyung playfully swats at the guys arm, his grin unwavering and you only purse your lips at the empty table.

god, you want to run away.

“order whatever you want” he gestures to the menu and you quickly scan over it, a low squeal in your throat when you see that they have your favorite, pho and fudge brownies. you lift your head to tell taehyung to see him in an animated conversation with the waiter, nudging him from time to time and just looking like he was having the time of his life, like he always does, you lightly tap the table to get his attention and he immediately abandons the conversation and leans over, making you move back at the sudden movement, he only seems amused by your reaction.

“you’re a little quiet, so i just wanted to listen to you better, what did you decide on?” he explains simply and you can’t help but gaze into his eyes as he keeps them steady on you, for someone like him, eye contact isn’t a problem, isn’t a big deal but it makes your heart pound, you nod slowly and mumble your order, sinking back into your seat.

“excellent choice, pho and brownies for two, and is it alright if i order the drinks?” he turns to you for confirmation and once he’s received a mumble of agreement, turns back to the waiter.

“two peach iced teas” and with that, the waiter leaves but not without smacking taehyung one last time. taehyung pretends that he’s in a lot of pain and winces childishly which has you holding back a smile as the waiter shakes his head at him before disappearing to the back, your eyes curiously follow him to the counter where all the desserts are laid out.

taehyung is quick to catch your wandering eyes and finds it funny that since he’s met you, the only time he’s seen you smile is when you’re looking at desserts.

“you want to take a look?” taehyung walks towards the counter, which has you trailing behind him. you slowly take in the view of all the chocolate pastries that could be in your stomach and taehyung stays right at your back, watching you move around excitedly and admire them.

“are you into baking or something?” he finally asks after five minutes of you moving around him with big, fascinated eyes.

“no, i just like to eat” your answer comes out before you can even think about it and you only realize it when taehyung breaks into a chuckle at your words, making you shuffle on your feet, clearing your throat and looking back at the especially good-looking tiramisu.

“are you always this quiet or is it just with me?” the question takes you off guard, and you think taehyung is upset but there is no hint of frustration or annoyance on his face, only genuine curiosity.

“i don’t like to talk much, it’s nothing against you i promise” you try to reassure and be as honest as you could.

“that’s a relief” he smiles and walks back to the table where your food is waiting, you walk back with a bounce to your step because you haven’t been this hungry in a while. and as soon as you sit down, you reach for your steaming bowl of pho and sigh in bliss.

taehyung notices your exaggerated reactions to your food and simply smiles to himself.

something about you, he likes it, he doesn’t mind being the only one talking the entire time, he doesn’t mind how you only seem to talk when spoken to, it’s new to him, he’s always surrounded by people just as extroverted as him, so this isn’t something he’s used to but taehyung doesn’t mind.

taehyung doesn’t mind at all.

-

you walk home with rosy cheeks that day, because you can finally confirm that taehyung is just as charming, just as care-free as he looks, and he’s very good company, usually people get annoyed that conversations with you feel one-sided and you don’t blame them but it’s freeing with how comfortable taehyung tried to make you feel.

it isn’t very good news to the crush you already have on him; you feel like it’s grown ten-fold. and it’s only the second time meeting him, you are nervous for your poor heart which jumps with every glance he gives you.

and with the schedule you two planned, consisting of meeting up almost every other day because taehyung simply wants his grades to not be on the ground, you are sure that your heart only will go through so much more.

your nerves don’t calm down as your legs bounce up and down below the table at the library you’re sat at, your lip hurts from how much you’ve bit it as you anxiously look around for taehyung who is yet to show up for your first tutoring session. you can’t look like this in front of him so you’re doing whatever you can to be as normal as you can be.

you have to get over him at some point, you can’t tutor him while giving him heart-eyes.

“hey!” a bright greeting comes from behind you and you almost fall out of your seat, your elbow slips on the table and your chin hits the table, as if scaring you at lunch back then wasn’t bad enough, you begrudgingly think and groan at the pain on your chin.

taehyung does nothing to help and just sits down beside you with a happy hum, his books dropping in front of him in a heap and his smile doesn’t budge even when you glare at him while rubbing your chin.

“do you have to scare me every time?” you whine, your chin already becoming sore, you’re in enough pain to not have the mind to worry about how stupid you just looked. he simply shrugs at you.

“do you have to get scared every time?” comes his almost immediate retort and how will you argue with that logic while processing how close these library seats are next to each other? your reply comes with a roll of your eyes, though you’re sure that your cheeks are as warm as the sun blaring outside.

taehyung finds absolute satisfaction and amusement from your reaction and it shows in the way he leans back proudly in seat as you pretend to jot down notes, at this point, you don’t even know what you are writing anymore but you’re writing.

suddenly, just as you’re about to finally stop acting like you’re busy and get back to him, your glasses are snatched from your face and you don’t even have to look to see who took it. taehyung twirls the glasses in his hands with a smug grin, and then puts them on, wiggling his eyebrows and pouting every now and then. and you feel your heart burst with how cute he looks.

if it was anyone else, you are sure you would have hated it. but it’s taehyung and you don’t think you could ever hate him.

you watch with curious eyes as he gets all serious and grabs a book, writing with an invisible pen furiously. you tilt your head because you don’t quite understand what he’s doing.

it takes quite a second to dawn on you that he’s actually imitating you.

“look at me, i’m y/n, star student” he squeals in a high-pitched voice that most definitely is not yours.

your mouth falls open in offence, and even before you could think about it, you swat his arm with a loud complaint leaving your lips, as he laughs at you, pushing your hand off and continuing to act like he was you. you groan and throw your head back in annoyance, though you really don’t feel as annoyed, you just feel a hundred times more comfortable with taehyung now.

after a string of complaints from you, taehyung finally gives your glass back but instead of just handing them back to you, he slides them on your face himself and you feel every bit of you twisting and turning at the simple action. you cough awkwardly into your hand and turn away from him, moving your books out of the way so you could get started.

“which subject do you want to start with?” as a response, taehyung drops a thick book right in front of you.

art history.

tricky but you can work with it.

“okay, how much do you know already?” you ask him and he thinks with lips pushed into a pout.

“can i be honest?”

“of course.” you nod at him.

“i know nothing, i slept through all the classes” he admits sheepishly and you giggle a little at his confession.

of course, not to be creepy or anything but you knew about this, you have unconsciously turned to see him in class more than a few times, only to see him passed out on his bench with his backpack covering his head.

“that’s alright, one thing that’s helped me with art history is memorizing it all like a story” you let him in on your secret, you always envision history like a story book, or a tv show that you’re invested in, thinking up characters in actual scenes, it helps you remember a lot better than just book material.

so, you tell him the same thing, you start explaining in brief various parts of print culture, origins of different eras, the rise of modern art that we usually see today, and artists that revolutionized the world of art, all in the form of a movie that taehyung intently listens to.

you didn’t expect him to listen as well as he did, but he stays quiet for the most part, politely lifting his hand to ask questions like he was in an actual class which made you grin the first time and taking notes when something seemed complicated.

by the time you’re done, it’s almost dinner time and the library is much emptier than it was before but taehyung still looks excited to learn more. it’s endearing how he listens to you like nothing else matters and makes you feel the tiniest bit special.

“that’s it for today” you announce with an exhausted smile on your face and taehyung stretches his sore limbs while yawning.

“that was a lot but it is more fun when you explain it” he drops the compliment casually, no regards to how that makes your nerves dance in sheer excitement.

“i’m glad you enjoyed it” you mumble shyly while packing your books into your bag. you get up, throwing it over your shoulder and look at taehyung only to see him already looking at you.

“i’ll go now, goodbye taehyung” your voice unwillingly pitchy at the end.

“goodbye, y/n” he repeats in the same tone as you and you roll your eyes yet again while walking away from his gleeful laughter and right outside the library, you break into the biggest grin ever, the butterflies in your stomach raging and tumbling over themselves because you simply can’t believe that the last couple of hours are real.

how will you ever get over him?

-

you groan as you plop down in your seat, you slept weird last night and your neck cramp still hasn’t gone away, your body aches all over, you don’t even know why, walking feels like you’re carrying a million stones and honestly, you would be anywhere but here if you had the chance.

there’s still a good 20 minutes left before class starts so you rest your head on the table and pray that you aren’t sick, you still have taehyung’s class today and it would be rude to cancel on only your fifth session with him.

just then, taehyung walks into the classroom, seemingly bustling with endless energy, surrounded by his friends who are just as bright and loud as he is, and with your head still on the table, you admire him. he’s wearing this red hoodie today and his hair looks very soft beneath, a quick thought that he looks perfect to cuddle comes to you and you want to slam your head on the table to stop thinking about him.

he suddenly glances around the room, as if he’s looking for someone and you try to lift your head from the table to look away but you feel way too weak to do anything so he catches your gaze, his face breaking into a huge grin as he waves at you gleefully, you slowly wave back, mentally wanting to disappear.

and you think that’s it, he will go to his seat and you will have to finish this class while looking like you’re going to die any minute.

but you were so wrong.

as soon as your hand drops back on the table, taehyung starts walking towards you, where his usual seat is definitely not there and stands right beside you with a worried look on his face.

“oh, hey” you try to cover your face a little more with your hoodie and your heart gets caught in your throat when taehyung pulls a chair to sit right by your side. you look like crap right now and the last person you need seeing you like this, is kim taehyung.

“you don’t look okay” he mutters with scrunched eyebrows and before you can say anything, he presses his hand to your forehead and your eyes go wide as he flips his hand and holds it there for a second.

“you’re literally burning, how long have you had a fever for?” he pulls his hand away and you finally feel like you can breathe again.

“i don’t know, woke up sick” you strain your answer, your head lulling back to fall on the bench, now that he’s confirmed you have a fever, you feel even sicker.

“come on, let’s go” taehyung gets up suddenly, gathering the books on your table and shoving them into your bag, then taking your backpack and his in one hand, looking at you expectantly.

“go where?” you frown up at him, class is going to begin in 10 minutes now, where could you possibly go without missing it?

“i’ll take you home” your mouth drops open at his words.

“but class is going to start” you try to reason but get interrupted with your own cough and he only looks more concerned.

“you shouldn’t care about class with a fever like that” he scolds lightly, taking your wrist and helping you up to stand, and you almost fall down in a slump again if it weren’t for him holding you.

maybe you are sicker than you thought.

“what will we even tell the professor?” you almost shout at him as he pulls you towards the back exit of the classroom, and when the two of you are out, he checks to see if there’s anyone else in the hallway and turns to you with a coy smile.

“who said we’re telling them?” is the last thing he says to you before he ducks and runs, pulling you with him but you don’t stop him or complain anymore, you know that it’s not only because you’re sick everywhere, maybe the thought of skipping classes shouldn’t have excited your tired body that much but the thought of skipping classes with taehyung made your body flush in new-found energy.

so, you let him pull you all the way out of campus, ducking here and there when you see a teacher or person in charge, giggling at each other with wide eyes only to shush each other the next second whenever there was a narrow escape, whispering your address to him part-by-part and him having to support your sick body from time to time.

even if it was wrong, and something you promised to yourself that you would never do, skipping classes with taehyung, with his hand securely around your waist (that had goosebumps trailing on your skin), even just as an acquaintance to you, felt better than anything you’ve experienced in your life. hell, he didn’t even feel like an acquaintance anymore, whether it was because of your raging crush on him, or just taehyung being taehyung, you’re not sure.

the pure adrenaline in your body had you gasping for more, more of what?

you are not sure.

you two eventually make it to taehyung’s car in the parking lot. he gently pushes you into the passenger seat and slides into the driver's seat, only to find you knocked out with your head on the window. and with one final look at your peaceful face, he drives away with a fond smile of his own. taehyung doesn’t know what he’s feeling either.

and the next time you open your eyes, you feel just as sick and it’s late afternoon and you’re in your bed, still in the clothes you wore to college, you sit up too quick, instantly whining at the throbbing in your head while looking around with confused eyes.

when did you even get home?

“oh good, you’re awake” taehyung emerges at your door, seemingly out of nowhere and you jump in your place, clutching at your heart as you look at him with a gulp.

“w-what are you doing here?” you ask as he stays at the entry to your room.

“you fell asleep in the car and i didn’t want to wake you so i found keys in your bag and brought you up here, i hope that’s alright” he looks nervous for the first time since you’ve met him as he waits for your reaction with pursed lips. he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable with the situation, he just couldn’t wake you when you were both sick and looking as cute as you did in your lilac hoodie.

“did you..carry me? all the way up here?” you mumble worriedly.

“of course, how else would i bring you?”

wow, he says it so simply.

“you really didn’t have to do all of that, i’m sorry if it was a lot of trouble, i really appreciate it, thank you taehyung” you say with disbelief clear in your voice and with your jaw slightly slackened because you really can’t think of anything but a mental image of taehyung having to carry you because your lazy ass fell asleep in his car and didn’t get up. and you really want to bury yourself six feet under.

“can i come in?” he asks, polite as ever and you don’t even think before nodding, he slowly walks inside, sitting right by the edge of your bed, maintaining distance between you as if he didn’t put you on the bed himself.

he reaches forward and puts his hand against your forehead, and you feel your breath being taken away just like the first time and he hums while pulling it away.

“it’s better than before but sleep for the rest of today” he instructs you and gets up from the bed, you don’t want him to leave. something in you wants to make taehyung stay by your side but you don’t have anything that will make him stay so you just watch him walk himself out of your room.

“i got a few pills, they’re in your kitchen, you shouldn’t move around right now but take them once you get up, and don’t worry about it, i need my tutor to be healthy and well, don’t i?” he winks at the end of it as if to finally nail your heart to him only and then turns to leave with a loud goodbye and a wave of his hand.

you go to the kitchen after he leaves and just like he said, pills for headache and body aches are spread out on your tiny dinner table, along with packets of instant soup. you feel overwhelmed because even people who are close to you, have never done so much for you and taehyung did, taehyung did all this after just meeting you a few times.

and you’re left, head in hands, with so much to process that you don’t know where to begin.

-

taehyung never came late to your tutor sessions or waste too much time, sure he still fooled around, his favorite thing to do being constantly taking your glasses off you and playing with them whenever he gets too bored or snatching your books away and forcing you to talk about anything that was not related to your studies.

you still felt bashful the first day you met after the whole sick episode, but he didn’t even bring it up, just continued with everything like it didn’t even happen which you were grateful for, though a little disappointed, because that is the most anyone has ever done for you and you wanted to thank him properly even if he said that lunch at his favorite place would suffice for him. but you were also sure that you would end up accidentally confessing to him if you brought it up. so, you just never brought it up either.

you talked a lot, mostly about things that had nothing to do with subject but you enjoyed them, taehyung valued and respected your opinions, actually listened to you when you talked so you were comfortable to be not as quiet as you usually are, still shy but holding a conversation as much as you could and taehyung would pick up anything you left, starting a whole new conversation with whatever, you handed him.

it wasn’t hard for your crush on him to only escalate further, not when he looked as good as he did from a side angle, it was honestly unfair that he looked stunning with a simple shirt and trousers. he looked good in anything, and what he looked like during your studying sessions, was something you always daydreamed about.

like right now.

“are you even listening to me?” a hand waves in front of your face, and you jerk in your place, quickly sitting up straight.

maybe you shouldn’t daydream about him when he’s beside you.

“um of course, i was” you lie easily with a firm nod to make it further believable but taehyung is sadly too good at detecting honesty or lack thereof. so, when he continues to stare at you, a way of making you say it yourself, you can do nothing but oblige.

“alright, i didn’t listen to you, what were you talking about?” with your admittance, taehyung leans back in his chair with a smirk.

“what is it?” you urge him once again and he shrugs.

“you know, we started with art history, right?”

“yeah, we’ve almost covered everything, at least i think so” you tilt your head as you mumble those words, reaching for your planner where all the topics are written, and you start looking through them to see which ones you still have to cover.

then the planner is snatched from your hands, and you follow the planner with a whine, bending over your chair to reach it and it isn’t until you feel someone way too close to you that you pause to see your position. you are half leaned over his chair and one wrong move could end up with you on top of him, you immediately sit back in your chair, tightening your fingers on your cardigan and frantically pushing your glasses up.

taehyung, thankfully doesn’t look uncomfortable, maybe a little shocked with how wide his eyes were but that was it, he quickly recovers and gives an easy smile.

“i have a test tomorrow” why is he smiling about that? doesn’t he hate tests? you quirk an eyebrow as his smile only grows bigger.

“how do you think it will go?”

“about that, if i do well, don’t you think that, as my tutor, you owe me something, a reward of sorts?”

so, that is why he’s smiling so big.

normally you would refuse blatantly and move on, but you can never say no to taehyung and you want to at least hear him out before you turn him down.

“if you do well” you emphasize and he waves his hand like he isn’t worried about that, but you are worried about what he would ask of you.

“come to a party with me” his request is simple enough.

and you’ve been to parties, only to completely hate it unless you got drunk enough to forget it all the next morning. though it has been quite a while since you’ve been to one.

a party with taehyung? taehyung, who probably knew every single person in the room while you don’t know anyone at all?

“only if you get an A” is your predicament, taehyung has improved a lot but not enough to get an A which is why your predicament is perfect, you’re not saying no but you’re not saying yes either.

but taehyung looks confident, with a light shrug to your rule like it didn’t mean anything at all, it only scares you a little bit that maybe your rule will be useless at the end.

“i’ll let you know when i get the grade”

-

“i got an A!” comes taehyung’s cheerful voice through the phone and the first thing you feel is pride bloom through you because he must have worked so hard to get that A, you were sure it wasn’t easy at all for him and the second thing you feel is dread, because this means you have to go to the party now.

“you did great, taehyung” you sincerely reply and you hear his sigh of happiness which makes you smile too.

you’re happy that he’s happy.

“you know what this means right?” his words laced with cockiness that come from his first ever A.

“i’ll never leave you at the party, you can get as drunk as you want and i will be your ride” he says almost immediately after as if he knew that you were going to find some way to get out of this, and you internally groan because he’s made all the promises that could convince you.

and like mentioned before, you can never say no to taehyung.

“when is it?”

-

“you look great!” taehyung compliments you as soon as you get into his car and you feel yourself freeze at his good-natured comment, only being able to shyly nod at him.

but if you had to choose on who looks good here, it would definitely be taehyung.

he was wearing a fashionably torn t-shirt with a leather jacket and tight dark grey jeans which had you feeling even more flustered than usual, he was usually attractive but today, you were sure that he was planning to take someone home, it would be a shame if he didn’t. he hands you his pale blue hoodie to hold, saying he brought it if he ever needed a change and trusted you to keep it away from drinks that can stain it, gives you one last smile and drives away.

the party was roaring even from the outside, people littered around the lawn, holding their drinks and you could hear the music all booming under your feet, you nervously pulled on the hem of your black dress as you went closer to the addictive but disgusting smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies.

so many people.

taehyung gripped both your arms on the sides as you gripped his hoodie tight in your hold, and he walked behind you, silently guiding your steps and greeting people joyfully on the way, it was a shame that you could only hear his happy voice but not see him under these alluring lights, you were sure that he looked better than ever under these blue and purple lights that made everyone look untouchable and beautiful.

“who’s the girl, taehyung?” someone shouts at him and you keep your gaze steady, not even wanting to turn around to see who yelled it, you anxiously wait for taehyung’s answer.

“my tutor” he yells back with a grin and you assume that the person has gone when taehyung gets right back to pushing you two through the crowds, apparently not noticing how your shoulders immediately slouch at his answer and how you aren’t even walking anymore, just being pushed around by everyone.

and for the first time since you’ve met taehyung, you feel disappointed.

you know now that your growing crush on taehyung will only end in your heartbreak.

he could have said you were a friend, or even an acquaintance, he’s been in your apartment for fucks’ sake, you would have been okay with anything really but the way he described you just made you feel so…unimportant. like you held no significance in his life, just another person for him to forget as he goes to spread his arms around the rest of the waiting world.

and you can’t be mad at him because you know it’s true, you are just tutoring him, he’s only doing this because he has to and not because he wants to, and as soon as this obligation expires, so will your time with him.

“hey, you okay?” you feel him whisper against your ear, hands still tight around your arms and you’re suddenly too aware of how close you two are, it hurts, being this close to him and not being able to call him anyone special to you, hurts a lot more than you imagined.

so, you shake his grip off, if you aren’t important to him, you will make him nobody in your life as well. you have to.

“yeah, i’m fine, where are the drinks?” try as you might, your voice just didn’t carry the softness it always has and even if you tried to conceal your sour mood, it didn’t work because taehyung immediately raised his eyebrows but shows where the drinks are anyway. you walk away from him, not really bothered anymore that you didn’t know anyone here, you just wanted to do exactly what you planned for.

drink and forget.

because taehyung just handed you rejection on a silver platter.

and you can’t take it gracefully when he’s right beside you. so, you had to go away before you could remember all the things you liked about him that could keep you pining.

taehyung felt…weird? he didn’t understand why you suddenly stopped talking to him in that sweet tone that comes naturally to you, he also doesn’t understand why you’re walking away from him to fend for yourself in a party where you don’t know anyone, he doesn’t know if he has done something to upset you and he felt…guilty.

taehyung felt guilty for a reason he didn’t know.

and taehyung hated feeling guilty.

to shake his own weird feeling off, he disappears into the crowd, to find anything or anyone who can drown his guilt away.

after a few shots of straight vodka, you find that you are not getting drunk at all, it’s either your overwhelming emotions that keep you from completely losing it or just your high tolerance.

it sucks because no drink is stronger in this place, you want to go home, you want to go back to when you didn’t come to this party where taehyung called you nothing to him. while he didn’t say that exactly, he definitely implied it. just then, you see him approaching you with a girl on his arm, no surprise there and you almost rolled your eyes at how predictable he could be.

“we’re playing this game; thought you would like to join?” taehyung trails off.

how nice of him to include his charity case for the game, you bitterly think to yourself but get up to go with him anyway, you can’t leave until he decides to go so you might as well play some game instead of wasting more alcohol that does nothing for you. so, you hop out of your seat and walk to him, greeting the girl next to him, you can be bitter to him but not to this girl who’s done nothing, she smiles back and then you’re leaving the kitchen.

you don’t say anything as you walk behind him into a living room where people sit in a circle, it’s noisy, there’s a bottle in the middle and you hate that you know what’s going on here.

it looks like a recreation of your middle school birthday party.

taehyung sits down, patting the spot next to him, and you look around to see if there’s place anywhere else but with nowhere else, you sit down beside him and the girl who he has with earlier is not around you anymore. he still looks at you, confused as ever and once you get comfortable in your position, he takes his hoodie from your hands and covers your bare legs with it which has you looking away with a red face.

he was making it so hard to get over him.

by the time you look back at the circle, it starts slowing down and your jaw drops open when it falls on you and taehyung.

everyone starts cheering at the bottle claiming its very first victims, and you never feel more out of place with people you don’t even know cheering you on to kiss taehyung and as for taehyung, he has a huge smile on his face which has you squinting with confusion at him. he calmly takes the hoodie from your lap, lifting it and pausing when he sees your face.

“trust me?” he whispers to you; his voice is almost drowned out in the loud music and people around you but you still hear it.

you shouldn’t trust him, you don’t want to but you don’t have a choice in this room full of unfamiliar people, so you just give him a meek nod which no one else notices.

then he drops the hoodie over the top of your heads, your bodies moving closer on their own accord, his palm now resting on your bare thigh and you’re face to face with the man you can’t get over no matter what you do. the heavy hoodie resting on your heads forces them closer as well, you can feel his breath on your cheek and he smells addictive this close, like cologne and pure sin with candy on his breath.

will he kiss you?

taehyung doesn’t say anything, just looks at you like he’s trying to figure you out, like he needs to figure you out, for the first time, he doesn’t look as confident, he doesn’t look full of life, just looks at you with such vulnerability like he’ll give you his heart if you stay under for too long, and your nerves and body are too frozen to even dare to look back at him.

after a few seconds which really felt like eternity, he pulls the hoodie from on top of your heads, the cold rush of air pushing you two apart, baring you to the waiting people in the room who roar and cheer louder than ever when taehyung smirks at them, you know that he’s just doing it for show, he didn’t actually end up doing anything at all even if you wished hard that he would.

but then you feel eyes on you, speculating, judging, confused eyes all over you because who are you and why did kim taehyung pull you under a hoodie when he usually just kisses people in front of everyone? you hate the attention, you hate the amusement at your flushed state in them, and you can do nothing but revert your gaze to the floor.

“stop making her uncomfortable and spin the bottle already” an annoyed voice emerges from the crowd and you snap your head to look at where it came from, to see a girl who glares at the people staring at you, they quickly look away at her words, reverting their attention back to the game, and when she catches your gaze, you send her a grateful look and she smiles back at you.

and you feel better.

then you’re reminded of the man beside you, who covers your legs once again with his hoodie and you feel your face heating up all over as you replay the events that happened a few minutes ago.

that was so intimate.

you pull at the hoodie resting on your lap, trying not to think of how much more gorgeous taehyung looked up close, losing all interest in the game still being played around you, you also feel slightly insulted that taehyung would do all that but not kiss you, you know that he wouldn’t kiss you but it was embarrassing to be so close and not do anything at all.

did you repel him that much?

“let’s get you another drink” taehyung mutters, getting up from his sitting position and dusting his jeans off.

“game’s not over” you point to the still spinning bottle in the middle and he shrugs.

“i don’t wanna play it anymore” you don’t either, so you leave the circle as well, more people replacing your seats as quick as lightning. taehyung hands you a drink once you get into the kitchen and no words are exchanged between you two as you stand against the counter, sipping your drink and him on the other end of the counter, not even drinking anything, just looking into empty space.

the silence is suffocating, it’s new for the two of you, especially new to you because taehyung never seems to shut up but he isn’t uttering a word.

“is that kim taehyung?” comes a loud, dare you say annoying voice with a chuckle from the entry of the kitchen, taehyung quickly stands upright and gives a bright smile.

“hey man, it’s been a while” they give each other a side hug as the guy lazily smiles at taehyung.

“last i saw you, was at the studio with min yoongi and someone else” the guy starts to think and taehyung visibly tenses up at the mention of a studio and your interest is peaked, because taehyung has never mentioned a studio to you.

“it was probably namjoon hyung” taehyung answers the guy and he nods in recognition.

“you guys are still doing that music shit? i thought you would give up after a week, my man” your mouth drops open at the rude tone of the guy, he’s clearly patronizing taehyung who freezes in his spot, his usual smile immediately dropping from his face and you are the only one in the room who notices how tight his fists are by his arms.

it’s also the first time you’ve seen taehyung without his usual grin. you don’t like it; you don’t like this guy either.

taehyung isn’t a confrontational person nor is he someone who gets into a fight easily, for as long as you have known him, before and after tutoring him, one thing you know for sure is that taehyung avoids fights, not because he will lose but because he would much rather just enjoy his time instead of wasting it on people who don’t deserve it.

“i mean, come on, what do you guys even know about music to do it? just finish your degree like the rest of us and get a proper job, music won’t keep you alive in the real world” the guy says it like he’s doing taehyung a favor, like his advice would save taehyung’s life and taehyung just stands stiff, clearly upset.

“taehyung, can we leave?” you interrupt the conversation and both heads turn to look at you, you don’t know anything about taehyung and his music but you don’t want him to deal with this guy anymore either. taehyung immediately nods at you, looking relieved.

“now, who is she?” the guys lifts his eyebrow at you with a smirk, raking his eyes over you shamelessly.

“you don’t need to know, you fucking prick” you dead pan at him, even surprising yourself with your harsh tone and taehyung snorts at the guys annoyed face, walking to you and guiding you out of there with a hand on your lower back. you snapped because not only has this night been overwhelming, you also just can’t stand people as ridiculous as him, how dare he say anything about taehyung at all.

taehyung would be the biggest liar if he said that he didn’t find that hot, he knows how much you would prefer being away from people and situations like that and he almost expected you to just stand and watch but the second you talked back to the guy for him, taehyung has had this overwhelming sense of ego take over him because you wouldn’t do that for anyone but you did it for him.

and as he keeps looking at you, taehyung realizes there’s a lot that you do for him, that you don’t do for anyone else, you snuck out of a class for him, he knows that rules are something you stick to but you let them go for him, you went to lunch with a practical stranger for him, something you would never do with another classmate, you came to this party for him and if it weren’t for how nervous you looked under that hoodie, taehyung would have kissed you, there’s nothing else he’s wanted to do more.

thinking about all of this means only one thing to him, taehyung likes you, more than a friend ever will, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you as just a friend, not when your head lulled back and forth and fell on his shoulders the day he carried you to your apartment, taehyung doesn’t worry about a lot but he was worried about how sick you were and when he contemplated kissing you every single time you met up to study, taehyung knows he’s been a goner for you.

taehyung likes you, he wants to be with you and not have boundaries, he wants to see you let loose fully, he wants you to kiss him whenever you want to and his hand around your waist tightens at his realization.

after becoming aware of the hand on you which carefully weaves you through the crowd, you quickly move away from his touch, walking through the crowds by yourself, and taehyung follows you with an evident frown on his face.

he just thought you two are alright but he’s proven wrong with the distance that gets further between you two and he can’t help the disappointment flooding his chest. and again, guilt, the guilt that has stayed with him since you left him hanging at the door, why the guilt though? he doesn’t know.

you get into his car with a sigh, already relieved that this night will be over soon and you can just ignore everything from tomorrow and taehyung doesn’t drive away, sits there with his hands on his lap and a grim expression. you look at him for a few minutes, you have a million questions about what that guy said, about whether it was true that taehyung does music but you bitterly remember your place in his life, a tutor, which is why you don’t end up asking anything.

“taehyung, we need to go” you remind him and he nods slowly, lifting his head to grip the steering wheel tightly and sighs once again, letting it go.

“do you have to go home?” he turns to you with anxiousness on his face that you don’t recognize, he almost looks desperate? lost even, if you had to describe.

“where else will we go?”

“can i take you somewhere?”

“it’s my apartment, i have to show you something, i’ll drop you as soon as we’re done there, i promise” and when it looks like you’re going to refuse, taehyung immediately adds this part and you are even more confused.

if you’re just someone tutoring him, why does he want you to come to his apartment?

“fine” you mutter and fall back on the seat, annoyed at yourself for not being able to say no to him even now and shut your eyes before you think too much about it.

-

“come in” taehyung moves out of the way and you walk into his apartment, it was just big enough for one person, and covered in beige and shades of autumnal colors that give it a warm feel.

“your home is pretty” the compliment leaves your lips before you can stop it and taehyung gives you a softer smile than the one he usually has.

“thank you”

upon further walking in, you see a messy living room with papers thrown around, a desk covered in similar papers and a computer with a music system sitting right in front of it.

bingo.

the obnoxious guy at the party definitely wasn’t lying about the music part.

when you turn around to see taehyung, he looks so much smaller than he normally does, he looks nervous, he’s fidgeting and playing with his fingers and it takes you completely off guard. you’ve never seen him like this.

“what did you want to show me?” you ask, not going any further into the apartment and standing with your arms crossed. he doesn’t utter a word as he walks over to you, pulls your folded arms apart and holds your hand which confuses you and fills you with warmth at the same time.

you can only stare at your intertwined hands as he pulls you forward.

what is happening?

you are only brought back to reality when he places you on the chair in front of the computer and you look back at him with a frown.

“it’s true, what the guy at the party said, i do make music and i didn’t want you to think that i don’t plan on telling you” he mutters from behind you with fiddling fingers and it feels satisfying that you are not the nervous one this time.

so, taehyung does do music and you are impressed, very impressed because you feel like it’s a very emotionally taxing process and takes a lot of bravery to actually spill your feelings into ink, you could never do it which is why it’s a hundred times more admirable to you.

“so, i wanted to play you one of my songs?” he says it in a question and you stay quiet, both grateful that he’s showing you his work and even more confused because again, he called you his tutor not even two hours ago, you don’t understand why he’s showing you all this.

“why are you showing me?” the question tumbles out of your mouth in a disappointed sigh.

“because i trust you” he answers simply, ignoring your widened eyes and looking through his computer, all while leaned over your shoulder, and no matter how many times this has happened, his body brushing against yours leaves you breathless.

he purses his lips as he presses play and you instinctively lean towards the computer as a soft song starts thrumming through the room.

“on my pillow can't get me tired sharing my fragile truth that i still hope the door is open

'cause the window opened one time with you and me now my forever's falling down wondering if you'd want me now?

how could i know? one day i’d wake up feeling more but I had already reached the shore guess we were ships in the night night, night

we were ships in the night night, night.”

your mouth stays agape as you listen to taehyung’s voice, which is steady and deep and pushes all the way to your heart, and the song just feels so warm, like the beautiful end to a bright summer, there’s sadness but desperation more clearly written in the lyrics and you can’t believe that you’re sitting in front of the man who’s singing it.

“did you write this?” you ask quietly as the song continues to play and you see a nod from the corner of your eye and your admiration for taehyung grows ten-fold, as you listen to his voice in complete awe, if his voice is deep usually, it’s a lot deeper and more soulful when he’s singing. and whoever he’s singing this song for, you are jealous of them, you don’t know them but you’re jealous of them.

“do you like it?” he pauses the player before another song starts and how do you tell him that you might just be in love with him and everything about him?

“it was beautiful” you compliment, albeit a little bitter that it isn’t about you and taehyung looks a mixture of pleased and relieved at your words.

“who is it for?” you can’t help but ask him as you stay seated.

“no one, it’s just a story i’ve had on my mind” you sense only honesty in his words and it further impresses you that he can weave a story and put life and love into it.

“of two people in love?”

“of two people falling in love.” he corrects you and it dawns on you that a story of two people already in love would be a lot different than two people discovering and falling slowly but surely.

“did you have fun making the story?” now that you know about his music, you are only curious to know more about it and taehyung is more than happy to indulge you.

“it’s…different, making a story of two people, no one that you know, but giving them emotions, giving their emotions a journey and putting it into words in a proper way, it’s hard but i enjoy nothing else more.” you only listen to how taehyung describes songwriting because you still are in awe at how much passion he holds when he’s talking about music.

one out of many things that you loved about taehyung was that you could never just expect something to happen with him, he really played his own drum and did whatever he wanted to do, consequences are an afterthought to him, and it’s refreshing, it’s also so rare which is why you truly think he’s one of the most precious kind of people. like who would have known that the party would end this way?

“that’s very cool of you” you smile at him and he grins back, moving away from you to take his stuffy jacket off and you already miss being encompassed in his warmth. you get up from your seat, thinking that you will have to leave soon now that you have heard the song.

“should we go now?” you ask him, not actually wanting to leave but knowing you can’t stay either.

“there’s one thing left to do” he says with pursed lips, coming back to where you’re stood and you frown at him.

“what is it?” you question as he starts walking to you with determination in every step, taehyung doesn’t want to lose his courage before he reaches you.

“what?” you ask again, a little breathlessly this time, your breath getting uneven and the butterflies singing in every end of your nerves when he stands right in front of you, looking down on you while biting his lip slightly.

and his hand comes up to take your glasses off, you feel completely bare as he carelessly throws them to the side and then curls his fingers around your cheek. while smiling, he doesn’t give you an answer, just closes the distance between you two with a single, large step and pulls you to him with his hand firm on your waist.

“i hope you don’t mind” is his cheeky comment as he caresses your cheek once before he does what he couldn’t do at the party.

everything falls into place perfectly to you; your hands grip his thin t-shirt to stabilize yourself and his hands grab onto your skin like he will go insane if he doesn’t feel you. you are hot all over, your body shaking a little with the overflowing love and affection you throw into each pull of his lips. you gasp for breath once he lets you go a little, gazing into your eyes and you return a dazed look of your own, but you aren’t given a break when he pulls you back in again, chasing after you like you will run away if he lets you go for too long.

but taehyung doesn’t have to worry, you aren’t going anywhere.

and frankly, you don’t mind this at all.

-

the rest of the night is just taehyung playing you more songs and a lot of kissing, neither of you confessing but kissing each other like your life depended on it and if taehyung doesn’t like you the way you do, you don’t think you will ever be able to move on from his addicting scent and touch.

you toss and turn on taehyung’s bed, you ended up staying after he insisted in between kisses and you were too weak and lost in the moment to refuse, he ended up sleeping on the couch and that gave you plenty of time to think about last night. you got up way too early and after freshening up, you just couldn’t face him, you didn’t know how to so you stayed in his room.

what did it even mean to him?

was it just one of those kisses you blame on too much alcohol?

you groan and stuff your face into a pillow as you resist the urge to scream, if you were confused before, you simply don’t have a clue anymore, the line between friendship and relationship between you and him was so blurred, you don’t even know if it existed anymore.

and if he was going to kiss you, why make you feel so insignificant at the beginning?

“you really shouldn’t think so much this early into the day” you jump when you hear taehyung’s amused voice at the door, he looks just as gorgeous as always even in the morning.

“i blame you for it” you retort as you sit up, he falls on his bed while stretching, letting out a loud yawn and you smile at him, you like waking up to him.

“i told you i will take the couch” you tell him with slight guilt as he continues to stretch his sore body.

“that’s fine, next time we’ll just sleep together” he looks up at you with a smirk and you turn stark red at the suggestive tone, reaching for the pillow behind you and throwing it on his face, letting out a loud laugh when he lets out a yelp of pain.

“speaking of that” you purse your lips as he stops stretching and looks at you with his usual bright smile which flutters your heart just like the first time.

“what are we?” you ask him, gesturing between you two, the question lays heavily in the air as neither of you say a word after you ask that.

“what do you want us to be?” he questions back, scooting closer to you and finally settling right beside you. when you don’t answer him, he pulls you back into him, letting you rest your head on his shoulder and you curl into him, not brave enough to say it first.

“i like you, a lot, and i’ve never thought of you as a friend, you have always been something more to me and i like you too much to let this go at one night, i can’t let you go after last night” taehyung confesses, his tone is soft as he plays with your fingers in his hand, sighing at the end.

“personally, i would love to have you as my girlfriend but it’s up to you, y/n, whatever you want, i’ll give to you” the sincerity in his voice as he talks, makes you teary-eyed as you shove your face into his chest, and at your shyness, he is as amused as ever.

“you really need to tell me something before i go crazy over here, love” he says with a low chuckle, you have always hated nicknames but being called ‘love’ by taehyung has you floating on the sky with hearts for eyes and you feel bad for keeping him hanging. you can never say no to him anyway.

“i also would love to have you as my boyfriend” is your mumble on his chest and he somehow hears it, letting out a relieved sigh before pulling you even closer, legs twisting around yours as he caresses your hair slowly.

“do you still have to tutor me though?”

“you got one A, don’t get too brave.”

requests are open!

masterlist

if you have ideas of any kind at all, for all members, please send them to me in messages or asks.

rules:

i do not write hardcore smut, only suggestive tones.

i do not write about violence or topics that could be too triggering, i can write about sensitive topics with appropriate warnings.

i do not support fetishization or infantilization.

but other than this, i write just about anything with your own input and i will try my best to put what you want in the story.

thank you so much in advance if you send in your ideas, i hope i can write it however you want <3

what i see, what you see (1) - k.th.

genre: fluff, angst (9.5k)

summary: how you see taehyung, has changed too much over the years and how he sees you, hasn’t changed at all. 

part 2 of the story.

all works in the series can be real individually.  

masterlist    series masterlist

-

perhaps waking up to such a beautiful man should have pleased you, excited you even that your night was indulgent and filled with the intimacy you craved, but perhaps having to leave his bed in just minutes threw that happiness into thin air.

you stare with hands wrung tight around the blanket that protected your dignity, you stare with awe in your eyes at the man lying beside you. the sunlight gracefully blinked on his face as he tossed and turned before settling again and something about his delicate features made you want to run your fingers across his face.

you can’t believe you are here, in this bed, with him.

after staring at him for a few more silent minutes, you decide you must leave before the handsome man wakes up and discovers you in his bed.

there are certain rules to a one-night stand that need to be followed, at least you follow them carefully.

one, leave in the morning as soon as you can. no one wants a clingy one-night stand partner and the last thing you wanted was to humiliate yourself in front of this god-like man by overstaying your welcome.

two, don’t leave any trace of you behind, including clothes, phones, and other personal belongings that would be a hassle to retrieve from them.

three, don’t have any expectations and this one is rough, especially with how passionate-filled some nights can be, but one-night stands are not expected to make you a cup of coffee or a pleasant breakfast, it would be nice of them but it’s better to just head home and do that for yourself.

and all of these apply, no matter what the situation is.

now, you strongly believe in those rules, knowing well your way in the world of temporary strings, and no matter how beautiful this man was, or how beautiful he made you feel, you cannot stay any longer even if your hands ache to touch him one last time.

you roll off the bed with a small groan, all your muscles tightening at once as you slowly pad around for your dress and your purse. you sigh in relief when you spot them disposed of in a corner, blushing at the memory of how hasty you’d been to remove your dress last night or how hasty both of you had been, to be more precise.

just as you are about to leave, you hear a shuffle in the bed and freeze momentarily. you desperately hope he goes back to sleep so you can go without hiccups.

“leaving me already, heart?”

he remembers.

your breath stutters and your hands tighten around the doorknob at the low, rough voice that uttered the nickname you dreaded to hear but you don’t dare to turn around, your skin raises in goosebumps and your heart pounds exaggeratedly just at the sound of him which is why you do the wisest thing you can do at the moment.

you leave.

-

the coffee sitting in front continues to grow cold as you stare into nothing, you had another sleepless night, you kept tossing and turning and your work life being as hectic as it was, didn’t help at all

you think of him, you wonder how he’s doing, you wonder who he’s charming right at the moment with his honey-like voice. you wonder if he remembered everything or just pieces of what you had been.

you really shouldn’t if you were being honest, you have forgotten all your one-night stands the following morning with ease but it’s been weeks since you have been with him, and your mind doesn’t seem to shut up about him.

and you hate that.

you hate that your body grows cold and warm as memories come back to you faintly, you remember how soft his hair felt between your fingers but you can’t remember the color of his shirt or the color of his home. but you remember what you felt, you remember flashes of how your eyes met his, how his lips curved to say your name, how his hands never stopped touching you, and how you fell asleep in his arms feeling nothing but warmth. how it felt so good to be in his warmth again after all this time.

and worst of all, you remember utterly clearly what he said to you just before you left.

how did you ever find the heart to leave him after he called out to you like that?

“i must say, you look even better during the day.” you jerk in your seat, your knee hitting loudly under the wooden table as you glance up hurriedly to meet his eyes.

the object of your restless nights.

you would recognize those eyes anywhere.

he shouldn’t be here.

“is that how you usually respond to compliments?.” he chuckled breathily and takes a seat right across you, and you are yet to say a word to him, your eyes too wide and your heart too loud for you to reply to him.

“not usually, no.” you manage to say and he smiles graciously. “i was hoping i would run into you at some point” he confessed with a lop-sided grin and your brows furrow involuntarily.

“what for?” you ask with your heart in your throat. your mind betrays you as everything he did to you comes rushing back and you have to swallow the dryness in your throat away.

“you left without saying goodbye, i was hoping you would stay” his voice is soft and you could tell he was being genuine. “why would i stay? it was a one-night thing” you shrugged, looking away from him because it killed you to leave that morning.

you really did believe you didn’t have to stay because again, it was a one-night stand and nothing else, not even with the history that apparently you two are adamant to ignore. but you wanted to know why he assumed you would.

“well, it doesn’t have to be.” he shrugs back and you want to sink under the table, there is no way that he, of all people, was insinuating what you thought he was.

did he really forget you altogether? and all the years you spent with him?

“on that note, can i join you for the rest of your meal, heart? unless you are meeting someone, of course.” there it was again, that ridiculous nickname that made your mouth dry. and now, you knew that he remembered.

taehyung had some inkling that you weren’t going to push him away, there was no way he was letting you slip again.

“nope, not meeting anyone” you confirm and he nods, evidently very pleased with your answer. “then, you wouldn’t mind if i grab us something to eat, right?”  once you shake your head in reply, “i would like-“ and you are cut off with a finger to your lips.

“i remember, heart.” your lips tingle where he leaves his touch and as if nothing happened, he merrily skips away to order for you two. you sink in your seat as you place your hand over your rapidly pounding heart.

this was bad.

you two were never supposed to cross paths again. you felt like an idiot playing whatever shitty version of role-play this was.

though you can’t say you are entirely upset with seeing taehyung again.

but you were irritated with how flustered he still made you with few sentences, how he didn’t even try to make you feel that way but here you are, flushed and jittery.

a plate with quiche, some cinnamon rolls, and a can of peach soda enters your vision, you barely register him coming back to the table with your mind being so occupied by him.

and you purse your lips in the realization that this is exactly what you always got.

“your memory is quite good.” you hum while pulling your food closer to you and you can see how content he looks as he sits down. “so, i was hoping to get to know you better, we didn’t get to talk much that night, you can ask me whatever you would like.”

“what makes you think i want to keep talking to you?” you lean back with raised eyes, you wanted to see if he could handle some bruising to his intelligence, to see if he had changed at all.

he quirks his eyebrow but smiles nonetheless. if you wanted to play like that, so could he, “you would’ve told me to fuck off the second i sat down if you didn’t want to talk. i don’t see any benefit in beating around the bush when i know what i want and i just assumed that our good time together would naturally make you feel interested, correct me if i’m wrong though.”

he wasn’t wrong, you haven’t thought of anything but him for the past few weeks so he was safe to assume everything he did.

but you try to maintain composure, clearing your throat and sitting upright, you reply “you think too highly of yourself”, and he grins easily with a shrug, “if i don’t, who will?”

even though he said it playfully, he was right (once again), if we don’t value ourselves the way we want to be valued by others, it would be futile to ever wish for a value to be bestowed on us.

“so heart, you are free to ask me anything your pretty mind is curious about” he digs into his food and you nod your head, you have things to ask him if he’s so eager to answer.

“how long will you keep pretending that we don’t already know everything about each other, taehyung?”

the playful environment vanishes like a fog that gets chased away by the heat. sure, it was nice to pretend that you two were strangers and that this was all new, you were both new but the only truth you believed in, was the old, almost vintage kind of love that you lived through him.

until it all burnt to ashes and here you two were, acting like strangers to dull your longing for each other.

he pauses, setting down his fork and looking at you with pursed lips, taehyung was really hoping this wouldn’t be brought up, he was hoping that he could have you, a fresh start to your otherwise wilted story. his shoulders fall as a frown starts to appear on his brows.

“heart, can i ask you something now?” taehyung’s words are slow and they come out with a light shakiness to them.

“i guess, it’s only fair, so go ahead.” you nod and the tapping of your foot against the floor starts rapidly, it had always been one of those habits you couldn’t break.

your mind goes through every possible question he could ask you, you are not sure you could answer most of them, and you don’t want to answer most of them because you know taehyung, and you know he won’t ask you something simple.

“truthfully and i want the sincerest answer from you.” you hold your breath as taehyung levels his gaze with you.

“how have you been, y/n?” was not what you expected.

“it’s been too long.” not what you expected at all.

a simple question.

but it knocked the breath out of you, taehyung’s concern weaved around his words, his teary eyes indicated he had wondered about this before, about how you’ve been, about how long it’s been since he’s had the chance to ask you this. you wonder if it kept him up for as many nights as it did you because you have wondered endlessly about how he’s been too.

you couldn’t answer.

the night that entangled you two once again comes back to you.

he saw you dancing alone under the flashing lights.

he kept his gaze on you as you locked yours with his, urging your body to move in a way you never did before, throwing your head back and putting on a show.

show him what he’s been missing.

you don’t understand why you would ever act like you didn’t know him; you knew him more than you know yourself. you don’t know if you actually didn’t recognize him or chose to just forget your history for those few hours.

“what are you doing here?” you want to know, you want to know so badly so many other things that you can’t ask now so you settle to dodge the question as you lean back and away from him.

“you didn’t answer my question.”

“you are not answering mine.”

“i have an exhibition here, i was hoping to get to that after we talk a little more.”

so, he ended up pursuing photography in the end.

now, this was something you totally expected from taehyung.

“i would love for you to come and see it, y/n. there’s no one i want to show it more to.” those words would have made you swoon but now, they just irritated you and you willed your frustration away. you don’t speak a word, you don’t give a single indication of your thoughts, of your brewing anger.

but taehyung had always been stubborn.

“how have you been, y/n? i’ve waited years to ask you this.” the question hits you like a truck once again but this time, you force yourself to look away from the abyss of his eyes that held so much of the emotions you were scared of acknowledging.

it was absurd.

seeing him after all the time was absurd, and having this conversation with him was absurd.

taehyung’s grip on you, even now, was absurd. your throat starts to close up at the sheer weight of his return in your life.

“what do you do? how is your sister? please, say something.” you don’t miss how his tone begs you to speak but you could’ve never prepared yourself enough to see taehyung after this long, let alone sit down and talk to him like nothing happened.

“i’m sorry, taehyung” and before he could let another word out, you were running out of the café.

-

sometimes, you hated social obligations and you hated it even more when they were on saturday’s that you hoped to spend drinking and journalling.

you absentmindedly glance over the photographs hung in the museum your friend forced you to come to as a plus one. she promised good food and good-looking men, but so far only the food was satisfactory. the champagne flute clutched tightly in your hands had long lost its bubbles and you found yourself getting bored for the fifth time in the past hour.

usually, you loved exhibitions and you wouldn’t admit to another person that you had secretly hoped to find taehyung’s name somewhere among the sea of photos, maybe get some closure from how he left, and that grew into a casual affection for exhibitions.

but your mind was somewhere else entirely.

you turned around with a sigh, knowing that you didn’t have it in you to appreciate the photos today. and you do a double-take when you see taehyung’s face buried in crowds around the far corner of the room.

the closure you needed, two years ago, was standing a few feet away and not just the name, but also the face that glittered under the neon lights.

you thought closure would bring you comfort and some peace, but your ankles buckled underneath you as all color drained away from your face, and the champagne flute in your hand whined under your grip.

closure didn’t bring you comfort or peace, just a longing you couldn’t refuse or accept.

did he feel it too?

had he ever tried searching for you as you had so desperately for him?

he was already looking at you and you didn’t like that one bit, you didn’t like that he knew of your presence because now, you couldn’t just run away.

taehyung smiled his beautiful smile after you met his eyes, raising his glass to you. you blink once, twice, and whip your head back around.

what was he even doing here?

your ears picked up on the tell-tale sound of boots beelining towards your direction and it took every nerve in you to not gallop towards the door. your feet curled to move, to loosen their grip on the ground and sprint but you stayed stuck.

“find anything you like?” his smooth voice invades your space and you suck in a breath when he appears beside you with a jolly smile.

seems like your previous exchange hadn’t affected him at all. you don’t know if you find that stupid or admirable yet.

“sure, many actually” you shrug, trying to appear casual, trying to appear as if his presence here didn’t deter you at all, as if it didn’t make you want to curl into yourself and you gulp more of your warm champagne, the sour bubbles making you grimace immediately.

god, that tasted like a horse’s foot.

without a word, he takes the glass out of your hands and replaces it with his own.

“it’s better when it’s cold.” your lips part involuntarily at that and your heart hammers in your ears as you take in how he looks.

taehyung was wearing this beautiful crimson satin shirt, paired with trousers that hugged his long legs perfectly, a thin chain disappeared behind his shirt and his hair was pushed back, he looked extremely attractive and he knew it.

that didn’t change, you noted. taehyung had always been well aware of the effect he had on other people and he often took pride in his ability to make a person turn twice to see him. you used to find that arrogant but if you had his face, you would be the same.

taehyung, on the other hand, has to hide his smile behind his glass because he can’t believe that you, of all people in the world, ended up at his exhibit and he would be the biggest liar if he said your emerald, flowy dress didn’t drive him insane. he didn’t even try to peel his eyes off you when he saw you, just kept looking, enjoying his view and hoped you would look back.

the jewel-toned outfits you two matched, didn’t slip his attention.

“so, which ones did you like?” he pried his eyes away from you for the first time since he saw you and pointed towards the photographs. you could sense the urgency in his tone, he really wanted to know which caught your eye. “i haven’t looked at a photo long enough to pick a favorite, i’ve been…distracted.” you finally admitted.

taehyung’s lips split into the widest grin, he had always loved how honest you were and he knew this meant you didn’t know it was his exhibition.

“for me, can you please take a look?” his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly in fleeting concentration at the frames surrounding you two and your own eyebrows come together in confusion.

why did he look at the pictures with so much affection?

“uh, sure.” you mutter and turn to look at the photo, it was a close-up of the empty space inside a heart locket and the thin chain of the necklace was sprawled messily around it.

it looked familiar.

too familiar.

and then it dawns on you that it was the same chain and locket you had gifted taehyung around four years ago.

the world around you goes mute for a second.

your eyes hurriedly searched for the name of the photographer because it couldn’t be him, anyone but him, and anything but that necklace you had given him foolishly, thinking you would spend the rest of your life with him. in the middle of your frantic search, your eyes finally catch the name at the bottom right of the frame.

kim taehyung (v).

sea of photos.

his face.

his name.

it was everything you wanted.

just not now.

you spun as your eyes darted into every corner, to look at the other frames sprawled on the white walls around you two; sure enough, all of them had his name under them.

his exhibit.

the one he told you about.

god, you are so stupid.

of course, it’s the exhibition that he tried to get you to come to but you didn’t want to hear anything about it and you’re here anyway. by some shitty wrench in your fate, you ended up right where he wanted you.

“this is all yours” you mumble out breathlessly and taehyung’s lip is caught in his teeth as his eyes zero in on your reaction. you don’t look at him anymore as your back stands straight and you are stiffer with tension than ever and his face falls. he wishes it wasn’t his, just to erase the frown on your face.

“yes, it is,” he can’t bring himself to sound proud about the exhibition after he sees how uncomfortable you look.

ever since taehyung left you the way he did, you have gotten very good at one thing.

leaving.

a trait, you liked to joke to your friends now, that you picked up from him.

“i can’t be here” you whisper more to yourself than anyone else but taehyung’s ears pick up on your soft whisper and he further deflates. but he can’t let you leave, not again, not after you’ve seen the part of him that he’s desperately been waiting to show you.

so, as you turn to leave like you’ve trained yourself to in any situation that made it difficult for you to breathe, taehyung’s hand wrap around your wrist.

his touch is gentle, and his fingers are a little cold from the champagne flute he’s been holding since the beginning of the evening, but his touch crashes you into reality, a reality where taehyung was somehow back in your life and you couldn’t bring yourself to like that.

would it have been the same if he didn’t let you go that morning?

would you have paused and regretted every thought that made you leave?

“please, heart. for me, stay till the end.” you don’t miss the pleading in his tone and you don’t dare to look at his face, you know yourself enough to know that one look at him would have you crumbling on the floor with no resolve.

suddenly, you feel just the way the ‘university student’ you felt when everything blew away gently but surely like a dandelion.

you won’t stay.

you will leave, just like he did and you will not turn back, you will not think of kim taehyung ever again and you will do everything you can to avoid meeting him again. he was never supposed to show up in your life.

you will definitely not stay.

but the fluorescent lights in the museum continue to hurt your eyes and your fingers hurt from holding the flute of champagne which had long grown warm once again.

you stayed, after telling taehyung that you would rather burn in hell.

you stayed, after walking out into the cold night and promising to yourself that this is where it ends with kim taehyung.

you stayed, foolishly, but with a sick sense of owing this to taehyung.

the last visitor to the museum bows to taehyung and leaves, which left you and taehyung to be the last ones in the museum. he turns to you with amused eyes and his lips pulled up to one side.

he found it hilarious that you were the same person who was hell-bent on leaving just an hour ago and he can’t bring himself to wipe the smile off his face even if it sharply contrasts the deep scowl on your face.

“didn’t really think you’d still be here” taehyung walks up to you with breezy steps, and you scoffed, more at yourself than him, “i can still leave.”

he hums, dropping himself on a bench and looks up at you with the same smile that you used to love so much, “sit down, no funny business, i promise. i just want to talk, heart.” he tilts his head back with raised eyebrows, there is warmth in his voice and familiarity that you’ve grown to hate since he’s started using that nickname again.

but you sit down anyway.

at the end of the bench.

far away from him.

it isn’t lost on either of you that the bench is only big enough for two people so half your ass is hanging in the air and taehyung has to bite back a laugh at the way you seem to hover in the open air.

“this exhibition has been in the works for about a year now” he tells you and you cock an eyebrow at that. so, he’s known he was coming back for a year and that information sits bitterly in your mind.

“it seems to be a success” you mutter in an unbothered tone, your eyes flying over your nails in an attempt to look unbothered too but oh, your heart was practically singing with pride at the crowd that showed up.

“i was a nervous wreck, i really thought it would be just me and my assistant today.” he lets out a small laugh, laced with disbelief and you wanted to fight him at how little confidence taehyung carried regarding his craft.

you may hate him now but even you couldn’t deny that the exhibition was a huge achievement for him.

“well, if it makes you feel any better, i had a hard time finding space to walk around.” your heels click noisily, anxiously against the granite in your attempt to compliment taehyung. it felt strange, supporting him, talking to him, even sitting with him under dimmed lights felt strange and new.

somehow, you hated that taehyung seemed to have moved on to bigger and better things, you had wished that he was miserable, that he was crying every day, that he was lost in life with no direction.

“you wouldn’t have had that problem if you were walking around with the photographer himself, you know.” he cheekily remarks and you have to fight the smile on your face.

“the photographer looked a little too busy.” you let yourself relax a little, your back leans on the wall behind you and you suck in a breath at how much closer taehyung was. taehyung, on the other hand, is delighted and scoots further reducing the distance between you two. your eyebrows further reach your hairline but you don’t make an attempt to move.

you already fucked him, this was nothing.

“i’m never too busy for you.”

“it didn’t seem that way years ago.”

why did you just say that?

taehyung’s body jerks back at your harsh words and you, yourself are not sure where it comes from but it does, and you can’t bring yourself to take it back because that was how it felt then, like taehyung wanted to fly and you didn’t let his feet leave solid ground.

he looks away with a gulp, he has nothing to say to that, because he knows it’s true, he had been avoiding bringing up anything about the past but that just made you feel worse than the hell that the last few years put you through.

the fact that he was ready to flirt with you and make plans with you but never acknowledge the history you two shared, hurt you more than you would ever admit to another living soul.

“it’s not fair.” he declares with a hardened gaze and your eyebrows furrow in confusion. you felt taehyung should be the last one to talk about fairness.

“what isn’t?”

“how we ended, it wasn’t fair to either of us.” taehyung dares to look up at you as he says that, and even if he says it gently, him mentioning how you ended didn’t sit well in your mind and the developing knot in your throat made it hard for you to keep your eyes on him.

it really wasn’t fair, but not for the reasons he thought so.

“you know what actually isn’t fair at all?” you force yourself to speak, your voice laced with emotions that you thought you had buried but all of it bubbles over. you are seeing the person you loved during your entire youth, innocently, devotionally, and after they left you without an explanation or goodbye.

nothing in the world could’ve prepared you for this, nothing could’ve prepared you for taehyung again.

and you hated being unprepared, you hated how out of control everything felt.

taehyung knows what you’re going to say, he knows exactly what wasn’t fair and he’s struggled with the guilt of that knowledge for too long, so he keeps quiet, he doesn’t want to hear what it was. he’s tired of the hollowness that’s consumed him, body and soul, for the time he spent apart from you.

“how you left. how you left wasn’t fair to us, how you left wasn’t fair to me.” your eyes gather tears at the corners and you are close to yelling at the end. it wasn’t fair that you never knew why he left and why he never felt the need to give you the goodbye you deserved.

you thought you did something, that you were at fault, that taehyung couldn’t possibly leave you the way he did, and you are overcome with frustration about how hard you’ve been on yourself because of him.

but what frustrates you most is that even after all this time, you have not moved on.

he has but you haven’t.

“i don’t know what to say.” taehyung’s voice comes out tight and it’s barely above a whisper and your irritation only increases.

“seems like not much has changed for you then” he never bothered telling you he was leaving, so to you, your anger was more than justified. taehyung breathed out heavily, his entire body language screamed how uncomfortable he was and you wanted to leave, again.

“i don’t want to fight. i just want to enjoy this minute that you are here with me, in my exhibit, in my presence, after way too long.”

‘and who’s to blame for that?’ it lies at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say it, you don’t want to bother yourself with him anymore.

you sink in your seat in a silent acceptance that you will let him have his minute, just this minute.

just this one minute.

taehyung relaxes too, his body sliding down the bench as a long breath leaves him and his eyes drift to your feet, how they stay pointed away from him, his eyes fall shut as the exhaustion from the day catches up to him, from seeing you again with the knowledge that you hated his every fiber.

but taehyung was stubborn.

“can we, at least, be friends?” you almost bark out a burst of laughter at his request, he must have gone completely insane if he thought you would even consider that.

“hear me out” you hear him say and your eyes are already rolling to the back of your head, but his soft tone stutters your thoughts. “we were friends, before everything” he takes a shaky breath, not wanting to specify what ‘everything’ was. you didn’t want him to specify what it was, either.

“before things happened, we were the best of friends, we had each other backs. i have a journey i want to share with you, as a friend and i want you to be able to confide in me like you used to.”  

now, that makes you pause.

because it was true, you were really good friends, all through high school and almost till the end of college, you never lost that ‘friendship’ element even when you got together.

memories that you buried over the years, crawled up your spine until they curled around your neck and painted taehyung in the light that you shone on him then.

it had actually pained you more that you lost taehyung as a friend than as a boyfriend.

it would be stupid for you and taehyung to gloss over your issues, to pretend that the years haven't passed without longing and much missing.

nevertheless, you could no longer vehemently throw away his suggestion. a strong, foolish tugging at your heart wanted to give taehyung another chance with your trust.

it was foolish, very foolish but you found that with taehyung, you had always been a little bit foolish.

“okay.”

taehyung’s head snaps in your direction as a smile starts to bloom on his face and you force your own twitching lips down, you had no idea why the urge to smile took over your face.

“no funny business” you pointed at him with your polished acrylic and he jokingly lifts his hands in surrender, his hands reaching up to put an invisible zip on his lips that made you giggle.

“none at all, ma’am, none at all” he sang as he scooted impossibly closer to you and this time, you don’t move, you just stare at him with a dopey grin and faltering heart.

you knew this wouldn’t end well for you; this would end exactly as it did then.

nevertheless, when his smile reaches full bloom, you can’t bring yourself to care about any of that.

it was okay, you would be hurt again and that would be okay.

-

when you said you wanted to be friends with taehyung, this wasn’t what you expected.

everyone around you stopped and stared at the large bouquet of orchids and petunias laying on your cabin’s table, most were gaping at the sheer enormity of it and you stood there with burning cheeks, both from the huge grin you couldn’t shake off and also the attention it garnered at your workplace.

that wasn’t even the worst part.

as you flipped the card that was tucked gently in the middle, you could only shake your head at the message he sent it with.

‘with love, from thv. (as a friend)’

“you need to learn to be more subtle, this isn’t very friend-like of you.” you half-heartedly complained to him, his proud chuckle came from the other side of the phone, and even with the device separating you two, your heart thawed at a little at the sound.

it felt strange to have access to his number, access to him whenever, it felt strange to just casually call him up and talk.

but it also didn’t feel forced, almost like a jerk in the road before its smooth again.

“subtlety isn’t exactly my forte so excuse me for that and as for the friend part, i did write ‘as friends’, didn’t i?”

he did, but friends don’t send bouquets the size of your head to your workplace, especially if it was friends that had an undeniable history with you.

but you couldn’t bring yourself to be as mad as you wanted to and you hated that, you were already melting at his words after vowing to yourself that you would never see his face again.

you hated it. not completely, just enough to know you hated it but not feel it so much.

“you can’t do this, taehyung” you weren’t sure if you were talking about the flowers anymore as your fingers lightly traced the petals.

orchids and petunias had always been your favorite and your skin tingled from the fact that he still remembered.

“you’ll get used to this, don’t worry.” his tone was teasing, certain, and oh, so confident, you couldn’t detach your phone from your ear even after the call ended and all that was left on the line was an incessant beeping sound.

you were right.

letting him back into your life would be a mistake.

but the petunias staring back at you, made you throw all caution out the window.

-

“where are you?” his voice stops you from turning to another page of your work file. “at work, where else?” you chuckled as you threw the file away from you.

this had become a regular thing for you two over the past few weeks, talking on the phone at random times of the day, talking about nothing significant but enough to know what was going on in each other’s lives.

it was some of the most mundane conversations you’ve ever had, you still didn’t look forward to anything more than his call now.

“and when will you be done?” you turned to look at the emerald clock in your office, that taehyung had gifted you years ago but you would rather he not know that you still kept it.

you should’ve thrown it away, a long long time ago.

“in like two hours, why are you asking me?” you bit your lip in anticipation.

you won’t get your hopes up, you will not wait for him to ask to spend time with you-

“okay, text me when you get home.” then, the call goes dead and you are left with your mouth dropped open.

what a fucking asshole.

you drag your file closer to you with increased irritation as you flip angrily through the pages. how dare he? how dare he come back into your life, completely muddle everything that helped you survive in the years he left you and then fucking have the audacity to cut your call?

you were never ever, and you mean it when you cement this to yourself, you will never pick up another call from that man.

you kept going through work like water, your anger boosting your productivity significantly and you don’t even turn to look at the time again, you had nowhere to be so you would rather just work.

“thought i would bring these to you myself, this time” your pen pauses its scribbling on the pages laid out in front of you and you don’t want to look up, you don’t need to, you know exactly who is standing by your door with another bouquet of petunias.

“you didn’t have-“ your words get swallowed down your throat when you look up to see him.

loose shirt.

ruby pants.

petunia bouquet.

and that smile on his face.

no one could blame you for not having anything to say.

“we have a dress code around here” you point at his flashy outfit but he shrugs, closing the door to your cabin and placing the bouquet right in front of you.

“i promise i’ll follow it next time, heart” he winks at you as he takes a seat across from you, leaving you to deal with your hot cheeks. taehyung’s eyes dart around your office, the pictures sitting on your desk with people he didn’t recognize, the papers that were arranged neatly in a corner, the color-coded folders, and finally, the coffee mug with multiple Brooklyn-99 stickers on it, you had always loved that show and he’s glad that hasn’t changed.

he had noticed so many changes around you, in you as well. you never painted your nails before, now you always had a fresh set of bright acrylics. you used to always have your phone on silent and he had to wait for hours for you to call back, now you were instantaneous in picking up calls. you even started nursing small succulents from what he’s told.

you no longer were the insecure person who didn’t know whether you would achieve anything in life, you didn’t mumble your words anymore, they were clear and confident and he fell half-in-love again with just that.

not that he ever fell out.

then, he sees the clock.

the clock that twenty-year-old him had thought was a perfect gift for his girlfriend, you had pouted then, you asked him what would you even do with a clock but now, it was hung where you worked.

the coldness that filled taehyung’s heart in that minute was palpable, now he knew that you had held onto some belief that he would come back, he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how cruel that waiting must’ve been.

he really fucked up.

“what are you doing here, taehyung?” you sigh in faux exasperation, seemingly none the wiser to his glance towards the clock, as you lean back in your seat. taehyung didn’t want you to know either, he would rather not bring up wounds that seared the two of you.

what was important to him was that you were in front of him, and he had only this one chance at making things right.

“picking you up from work and taking you to a picnic if you have nothing else planned.” your eyes widen on their own, you had never been good at hiding your reactions and taehyung had always found it amusing.

“it’s just a picnic, y/n. some wine, cheese, and pastries, i have it all ready, you just need to come along” taehyung smiles sweetly, and you almost smile back before shaking your head and sitting up straighter, “what if i have other plans?” you challenge him but both of you know you don’t have anything planned. again, you never were good at hiding how you felt and that automatically led to you being a terrible liar.

but he plays along.

“i will try to convince you that my plan is better” he shrugs, sitting up straight with you. his confidence. you both missed it and can do without it at the moment.

“and how is that?”

“well, it’s got me” he gives you a lopsided grin and you roll your eyes though a smile now dances on your lips too.

“somehow, i’m not convinced, kim taehyung.” you act unaffected, putting your files away and he chuckles at that, throwing his head back on his seat. you keep your head down, you want him to give you a good reason, you want him to not give you any option but follow him out this door.

then, he gets up from his seat, presumably to leave and your heart deflates but you don’t say a word, you don’t dare to look his way again and before you know it, your chair is spun and you yelp as your eyes meet his.

he didn’t leave.

oh.

that was…interesting.

taehyung has that small smile on his face, one that shows his security in himself, in his own skin, and one that infuriates you because it’s hard to hate a man when he doesn’t secretly hate some part of himself.

taehyung’s always been him, just him, very secure in his delicate but angled features, he’s long embraced himself wholly.

you’re so lost in admiring him, admiring his long eyelashes that frame his eyes just right, his unsymmetrical eyes which blink back drunken stars, admiring his beauty like you used to.

you don’t notice how he leans to your ear until his breath against your skin makes you shiver and grip your chair tightly.

“we can get chocolate cake and hot chocolate on the way” he whispers so seriously about the sweets, for obvious dramatic effect and you hold back your giggles, no longer feeling too aware of his presence. “have i convinced you?” he tilts his head at you, his own amusement growing at your curled lips.

“don’t say anything else and we’re good to go” you push him back with the pads of your palms, grabbing your bag and coat, turning to see his baffled face with a sly smile.

you forgot how taehyung wasn’t used to this version of you, you no longer were the bubbly university student in love, you hardened over the years, in both a good and bad way.

if you had to get used to his spontaneous bouquets, he had to get used to this version of you.

“i don’t think friends do this, kim taehyung but i’ll make an exception for this one time.” you tease, sauntering out the door and he’s left gaping in your cabin.

-

“not going to lie, when you said wine, i really didn’t think it was the kind that gets you drunk” you giggle as you pour another glass for yourself, and taehyung laughs at your slurred speech. “but i’m not complaining” you shrug and swig the glass all the way and to put it in a simple way, taehyung’s mildly shocked. you used to have the highest tolerance among all your friends in college, often being the sober one who made sure everyone got home even if you drank a lot but now, you were getting drunk on three glasses of wine.

he would’ve stopped you from drinking more but you looked totally relaxed for the first time since he met you again and you weren’t fighting him either, it’s a win-win situation for him. he’s already decided that you will drink as much as you want and he’ll take care of it.

“i really didn’t think that i’d see you again.” you sighed, an emotion behind that simple motion that taehyung didn’t recognize but it was enough to make him stop from pouring more wine into your cup, and look up at you.

you weren’t looking at him. you were looking at anything but him, your gaze was empty, the flush on your cheeks was now a faint dash of color, and your eyes were once again widened in caution.

he felt a fight coming.

he didn’t know what to do.

“why did you come back, taehyung?” you can’t help the question that tumbles out of your mouth, but you still hold yourself back from asking one that has plagued your mind for months.

say it’s for me, say you couldn’t live without me, say it was hell for you too, say it was to see me one more time.

taehyung has the answer, he knows why he’s back but he can’t tell you now, he can’t pop up in your life and make it all about him again, but taehyung doesn’t realize that’s all he’s been doing.

“just…for the exhibition” he says instead, clearing his throat uncomfortably and your hand pauses mid-air from taking another swig, you were stupid to think otherwise. “of course, that’s fair.” you force yourself to tell him and he doesn’t do anything but nod.

then, why did you find me?

why did you wake up next to me again?

why did you come back to me, with flowers and quiet apologies?

“exhibition’s over, why aren’t you going back to wherever you came from?” taehyung forces himself to breathe normally at the next question that leaves your lips, he almost laughs at how smart you are even when intoxicated but the stars tonight weighed down on his shoulders, they didn’t shine, they burned him.

he knows you’ll make him say it anyway, he knows you’re smarter than to take whatever bullshit answer he will give you otherwise.

so, he gathers his courage to tell you that the only reason why he ever planned for an exhibition here, was for you. why he ever felt himself get tethered to this place, was you. why everything he built from the ground up, was to show you.

but before his words fully prepare to fall from his lips, your head falls on his shoulder, your hands going limp on your side as your wine glass rolls away. the wine must have caught up to you, your eyes are shut and you stir as you settle into the curve of his body.

taehyung sucks in a breath as his body stays rigid for a few minutes.

taehyung is reminded of the many days that he woke up just to feel you.

then, he settles too, and lets his body fall around you in a familiar fashion.

taehyung will tell you one day, he will tell you everything. he promises to himself that he’s going to let you know of all the things he’s seen without you, how much it hurt to not see them with you, to feel all the things he did, without you.

but for now, he will just savor this night, he will just feel you.

-

“a what?” you almost spit out the orange juice taehyung had so generously prepared for you as soon as you woke up with a throbbing head.

thank god for weekends.

“a trip, i need to gather information about the location so that i can plan my shoot and theme around it” he shrugs and goes back to the sizzling bacon on the pan in front of him. you stare with a dropped jaw, the shock of waking up in his apartment this morning was enough for you to digest in one day, the shock of him making you breakfast and you watching him cook in his kitchen, was too much but you could handle it. you needed a separate day for whatever he was suggesting now.

“and why will i come to this shoot?” you were beyond confused; you were flabbergasted that he would even bring this up with you. there was nothing you could contribute to the shoot and you weren't enthusiastic about spending long, lonely hours with him.

taehyung thought you forgot everything about last night, he was extra gentle with you throughout the night, when he was shifting the blanket around you, when his hands hesitated to remove your scarf and coat, and when he clicked the door shut as lightly as he could. as if, if he moved too quick, you would wake up and fight him again, that you would hate him again.

you remember everything, especially the part where he didn’t give you an answer.

but that just wasn’t a conversation for the near future.

“because i have a feeling you will really love the location” taehyung turns around, crossing his arms across his chest with a broad smile and you force your eyes from the apron straining on his hips as he moves. “no offense but your feelings almost always end up meaning trash, taehyung” you roll your eyes and plop down on the bar stool near the counter as he gasps.

“i take full offense to that actually, what do you even mean?” he argues and you cock an eyebrow, “remember when you got me a cat as a gift for our anniversary because you had a feeling i would love it?” taehyung’s face turns red as he tries to defend himself, “that was an honest mistake.”

“i was fucking allergic to the poor thing, taehyung.”

“that was an unexpected complication, it was a one-time thing! besides, i’m so sure this time.” he continued to argue and you sighed, leaning back.

“where is it then?”

“i won’t tell you.”

your jaw drops again, “are you crazy? why do you think i’ll go if you don’t even tell me where we’re going?”

“because it’s with me?”

“that goes in the list of reasons of why i shouldn’t go, actually.” you give him a bright, sarcastic grin and he glares back.

“it’s going to be your loss” he feigns nonchalance as he turns around and continues to cook. you hate to admit it but you really do need a trip, work has been killing you and nothing exciting has been happening (except random flower bouquets and wine with someone), you can’t deny how curious you are.

and taehyung knows.

taehyung knows how it kills you when you don’t know something, he knows that you’ll love this place, it takes all of him to keep his smile from growing too big because he enjoys how you’re squirming in your seat, fighting the urge to just ask him.

you might have changed but taehyung knows you enough to know this much.

“taehyung.” you call out after deciding that you’ve tortured yourself enough and he hums, “yes, heart?” you roll your eyes yet again at the dreadful nickname.

“where is it?”

“not telling you.”

“seriously?” your face starts getting red from the frustration that bubbles in you and your fists tighten on the counter.

“yes.”

“okay, then i won’t come” you say with much reluctance, you want to go so badly and taehyung has to bite back a chuckle, “okay, heart, whatever you wish” he shrugs with that irritating smile, placing a plate of food in front of you and you glare at it.

you start eating slowly before raising your fork at him, “i mean it, i will not be coming, i do not care about whatever stupid place you’re going to.” taehyung nods along, “of course, why would you?” he continues to tease you and you narrow your eyes at him.

his tone suggested that he knew of your feigned ignorance and that irritated you to the core.

nevertheless, you give up, if he wanted to be a dick, you were going to let him be a dick.

but right before you left his apartment that day, he planted another seed in your head that kept you up for days.

“we leave in two weeks, whether you come or not, your ticket will be booked, all you have to do is show up at the airport, so it’s really up to you.”

“i’m not coming, taehyung” you repeat unsurely but outwardly, you maintained a firm stance and he tuts at you, knowing your act was slipping, and pulls you in for a short hug under his doorway.

a short hug that you dreamed about for days.

“surprise me, heart. you always do.” he whispers with a smirk, pulling away and slipping inside his room.

two weeks.                    

surprise him?

you scoffed, he was crazy to think that you would even think of coming.

-

you did think about it.

you thought about it so much that you ended up with two full suitcases in the airport that taehyung had texted you the details about. you had left the message on seen, not bothering to reply because you weren’t going, right?

well, your suitcases said otherwise.

you see taehyung’s figure somewhere in the distance, he wasn’t too hard to find, his satin shirt at a freaking airport baffled you but at least you found him. he was looking for someone in the crowd around him, and you wonder who. you really have no clue, none at all.

you look off in the other direction, it was bad enough that you showed up after swearing on your life that you wouldn’t, it would be worse if you walked up to him with your suitcases.

you had thought of not coming, you really did but curiosity plucked at your every nerve until you gave in and started packing. you didn’t know what you were packing for, but you figured a good mix of everything was safe.

“heart?” his gentle tone which wasn’t filled with as much shock as you would’ve liked, broke the chaos around you. you didn’t have to see him to know he was grinning ear-to-ear.

“i thought you said you weren’t coming?” taehyung continues, circling around you to stand right in front of your embarrassed face and he bites his cheeks to stop himself from grinning.

“i came to wish you a safe journey” you answer unconvincingly, you know that he knows but you are going to at least try to save your dignity, “you always bring suitcases to wish someone that?” he furrows his eyebrows to act as if he believed what you said.

“always.” he laughs out loud and you no longer fight your own smile, you almost forgot the warmth that spread through you whenever you made him laugh.

“i’m doing what you told me to” you finally answer him after both of you calm down and he tilts his head, urging you to continue.

“surprising you” he wasn’t surprised, not even close, he had known the second you squirmed in his house that you would come, but he lets you have this one, “i’m beyond surprised, heart. now let’s go, we’ve got a flight to catch” he takes your suitcases and holds them along with his, to his right and with his left hand, tugs on your sleeve till you give your hand to him.

when you place your hand in his, it felt like no time has passed at all, and even if uncertainty filled you about the trip, about whatever you two were doing, about where you were heading, holding his hand seemed to put all of that behind you.

“are you going to at least tell me now?” you ask him as you two wait at the security line.

“you’re going to find out anyway, just a couple of hours. relax, heart.” his hands come to press on your shoulders and you lean back at him. this felt good, this felt great even. you couldn’t bring yourself to push away or start a fight or question how his arms now snaked across your waist.

you don’t say a thing and you do what he tells you to, yet again.

you just relax.

what i see, what you see (2) - k.th.

genre: angst, fluff (8.7k)

summary: how you see taehyung, has changed too much over the years and how he sees you, hasn’t changed at all.

note: this is the final part of this story, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i loved writing it <3 here is part 1 for those who might have missed it !

all works in the series can be read individually.    

(@kooksrae thank you for reading my work <3).

masterlist    series masterlist

-

taehyung was insane, you were sure of it.

you had finally reached your destination, the entire journey had consisted of taehyung doing everything he could to make sure you didn’t know where you were going and that included not letting you have your boarding ticket, keeping headphones over your ears, diverting your attention when needed and even if you had some idea, you couldn’t figure out where exactly, so kudos to him.

but now as the cold and biting air grazed your skin, you knew exactly why he wanted it to be a surprise.

new zealand.

you must have mentioned this place at least a thousand times when you were together, spilling everything you would do if you ever got the chance. you even foolishly thought you two would be together when this dream of yours would be fulfilled.

your heart swole, screamed, and it beated oh so loudly at the realization that you had been right, you did come here with him but you knew it also wasn’t exactly what you had imagined. you never imagined you and taehyung would ever be in the position you were.

even now, in the cushy cabin that warmed your neck and arms, you couldn’t shake off how surreal it was to see him sitting against the fireplace, after everything that has aged you.

“you’re still cold?” he asked, and your hands which were rubbing on your arms paused as he turned to you, and before you knew it, he was already getting up to grab a blanket to wrap around you.

your heart stills, his hands don’t move from your arms, and time, as it is around you, stills.

everything pauses for the brief moment you completely let down your guard around him, you become the person that was so in love with taehyung, the person who spent their entire youth starry-eyed for him, the person who waited and waited, the person who blamed themselves for the distance when he left.

when he left.

the moment vanishes.

your heart beats, his hands fall by his side, and time, as always, runs ahead of you. you are reminded why you hated taehyung so much, why the amount of pain you felt was never soothed, and why you took years to find yourself again.

because he left.

“thank you” you stiffly utter, turning your body away from and taehyung’s eyes sober up, any mistiness of being with you in new zealand, clears up as he sees how you hold the blanket tight to you as if to keep a barrier between you two.

even continents away, taehyung had to remember that you still were reluctant to let him back in and that he had to work from the ground up to have you.

“i have some news, you are not going to like it” he lets out a wary chuckle, and you frown.

“what is it?” “we had to bring more crew than we thought so all the rooms are full as of now” he explains while rubbing the back of his neck, every word he uttered grew the panic of your reaction to it. you didn’t disappoint.

“you are surely not implying what i think you are, are you?” you grit your teeth as your eyes bore down on him and he gives a lopsided grin in reply.

“no way, absolutely no, put me with someone else, anyone else is fine” you huff and stand up, letting the blanket fall on your feet as you walk away to the nearest window. your breath fogs up the glass and your eyes catch taehyung’s defeated stance a few feet away from you. his hands wrung the blanket that was once on the floor and his face looked distant, it didn’t feel like he was only a few feet away.

a pang hits your heart.

maybe you shouldn’t be this rude, he’s only telling you what the situation is.

maybe a few nights with him couldn’t hurt, he is bringing you on this trip, all at his cost.

but then again, you never agreed to share a bed with him.

he never should have assumed you would be okay with it.

“i’ll go..check if any room is vacant” he whispers, the sad undertone to his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by you but you couldn’t do anything about it.

words stay captured in your mouth, words that would ask him to wait, words that would stop him from going, words that would bridge the increasing distance between you two but they are all words that were captured for a reason.

“that would be nice, yes” you clear your throat instead and he gives a tight nod before leaving the space to find his crew. you were left with a nagging in your chest that never quite went away.

-

after an hour-long of searching, pleading, and reorganizing the entire crew’s rooms, there was one bed left in a room with a woman who was their guide and translator on this trip.

it was all fine, taehyung told you which room you had to go to and you left without saying anything, the girl had been nice and you thought all was sorted, you would just have to see taehyung when it was absolutely necessary.

but there seemed to be a small complication.

the girl snored.

a lot.

the girl snored as if she had five lungs instead of two and you always had a hard time falling asleep, with these added sounds, you knew there was no way you were getting any sleep at all.

you tossed and turned, noticed the octaves in her snoring, how it sounded like a helicopter once, then it sounded like a pregnant cow giving birth, then it sounded like rocks gritting against shards of glass.

and whenever she calmed down a bit, you would sigh in relief, only for it to get louder almost immediately after.

a few hours went by and you could tell the night was only getting colder. you were yet to catch a wink of sleep. with a loud huff, you threw the blankets off yourself and glared at the nice woman who snored like a broken engine.

you felt a bit guilty because she was giving up her privacy and space for you but also, you loved your sleep, you needed your sleep. you only had one option now and you hated that option, but you hated being sleepless even more.

besides, you were used to his noise.

you dragged your blanket off the bed and silently grabbed your suitcases as well, though you had a feeling your roomie would hear a thing over her own snoring, you clicked the door shut and beelined to taehyung’s room.

at the front of his door, you hesitated.

why did you always end where he wanted you after you made it so clear you wouldn’t be there?

you couldn’t help but notice a pattern, you always denied it first, and then, you did it anyway.

you hated yourself.

you couldn’t help but feel the shame burn your face into a shade of red that you were sure he would notice. you almost contemplated going back to the sweet girl’s room even if you didn’t get any sleep, you could sleep all you want when you went back home but the flight was tiring and you really needed some shut-eye.

and maybe there was a small part of you that wanted to wake up next to taehyung again, maybe that part of you remained even when all the love you had for him eroded.

you knew there was nothing else you could do except give in.

you knocked once, twice, and then let the silence keep you company, you somehow didn’t feel bad at all for waking him up. in record time, the door flung open to reveal a half-asleep taehyung in front of you.

your heart fluttered and your mouth grew numb. you had an entire explanation ready, a list of very practical reasons to give him for your strange intrusion in the middle of the night, how your actions weren’t born out of desire but just circumstance.

but no words left you.

“are you alright? was there some problem?” taehyung rasped as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to try and look more alert than he was feeling and now, you felt a little bad. when you don’t respond, a spike of concern pierces through him at the sight of your suitcases beside you. “hey hey, what happened?” he stepped forward to take your arms in his hands and that warmth was enough to lull you to sleep.

“she snores” you whispered, embarrassed.

“what?”

“she.snores.” you say with more clarity and taehyung’s jaw falls open.

“she snores?”

“very loudly, taehyung” you wince and wait for his reaction.

he could get annoyed.

he could get angry, you did disturb his sleep at ass o’clock and this was also after making him run around to find a vacant bed for you.

so, he had every right to be mad at you, you anticipated that much and just wanted to get some sleep after his lecture.

but taehyung laughs.

he bloody laughs at the pure despair on your face over something as trivial as snoring.

“oh god, you’re going to kill me” he wheezes as he wipes off tears at the corner of his eyes.

“are you done?” he gestures to give him one second and ends up laughing all over again, any sign of tiredness or sleep gone in the wind now. you stood there, arms crossed across your chest as an annoyed scowl masked your own amusement in the situation.

“come in, why are you just standing there?” he ushers you into the room as he starts to calm down.

“because you were blocking the way” you mumble and he lets out another chuckle at that. before you look back for your bags, he already has them rolling into the room.

the room was big.

very, very big.

“don’t say anything cheesy like you’re going to sleep on the couch, that’s simply unnecessary. we’re going to sleep on the same bed, it’s definitely big enough but we’ll keep pillows in between us. yeah that should be good, it’s not like we’ve never slept on the same bed” you worked through your train of thought, nodding to yourself once you were done. taehyung opens and closes his mouth, another silent laugh leaving his lips as he shook his head at you.

“god, you haven’t changed at all, have you?” he spoke with fondness and a certain longing that pulled you back into the room with riveting force.

he was wrong.

you had changed, you were sure of it.

“i have, taehyung” you said sternly, drawing your shoulders back to look stronger than you felt, it was insulting to you that he would assume you were the same person he fell in love with, “more than you realize” as the words left you, taehyung’s stance also straightened, the relaxed environment was far gone.

you were sick of this, you were sick of how quickly things seemed to bloom and wither between you two but you couldn’t let go of the hurt he caused you, he couldn’t let go of the hope of having you again.

and as long as you didn’t let go, both of you were stuck in this loop of hurting and hoping.

but he had not given you a reason to let go.

not yet.

he doesn’t say anything and you were getting tired of fighting, all by yourself.

“i’ll take this side” you mumble and climb into the bed, arranging the pillows in the middle before turning and snuggling into the sheets.

taehyung follows you after switching the lights off and the darkness makes you all too aware of the tiniest sounds and motions. his grunt as he climbs in, the bed whining, the wind blowing into the room, and his warmth that was a few pillows away.

you had an inane urge to destroy the pillow barrier that kept you separated, just for a moment, just to let his warmth hold you until you fell asleep.

but you couldn’t, you just couldn’t.

there was too much silence hanging in the air for two people who used to talk days and nights away, too much silence for two people who had too much to ask from the other.

you turn to glare at taehyung’s back, hating that he was back in your life, hating that he brought you to your dream place, hating all the bouquets that now grew in your apartment.

but then your glare softens, it breaks at the sight of the man you poured all your love into, the man who you swore would be with you through thick and thin, the man who came back despite everything else.

“you are not sleeping” you hear a murmur, barely audible over the gushing wind outside. “you aren’t either” you uttered back as your head sunk deeper into the pillow.

the sheets rustle noisily as he turns around to face you, and for a second, your breaths don’t leave you, they stay stuck in your throat as you are met with the same sight you woke up with weeks ago.

“since we’re both not sleeping, can we talk, for old times’ sake?” there’s hope brimming in him and there’s wariness brimming in you.

nevertheless.

“what do you want to talk about?”

“you.”

a confused laugh leaves your lips at his response, “what about me?”

“you told me you changed, more than i knew, how did you change?” it killed him to know there was now a side to you that he didn’t know everything about.

you hesitate for just a second but the night seemed to encourage you, there was so much you wanted him to know, so much that you had wanted to share with him over the years.

eventually, you give in to his curiosity, you tell him about your office, that one time you told someone off for crossing your boundaries, that one time you got so drunk and accidentally talked shit about your boss to your boss, that one time that you went out with your friends and fell on the pavement, that one time you adopted a cat which then ran away from home, that one time you tried baking only to fail at it miserably.

you told him every piece of memory that was etched in you, after he left you.

and he listened, with glittering tears and a tingly nose because he couldn’t believe how much of life passed you two by.

“there’s one more thing you forgot to tell me” he said, it confused you.

“what is it, taehyung?”

“why didn’t you become an event planner like you always wanted to?”

that halts your every movement.

you had almost forgotten about your old but very strong dream of wanting to be an event planner, it was something you always told him about but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that your family forced you to take a more stable job, that you could never fulfill that dream of yours now.

“it just, it didn’t happen, taehyung” you mutter shamefully, he had achieved his dreams fearlessly and was living the reality he always wanted, so you did feel smaller compared to him as if he ran and won the race but you had to pull out in the middle of it.

he took in your reaction, how your eyes dropped, how your lively smile became a grim line. he knew how much it meant to you, how a dream that would seem simple to others, shined the brightest to you. a part of him cried for your dreams, just the way you cried for nights that you wished your life was something else.

“i was rejected by twenty studios in the past two years” taehyung admitted and your eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“i was going to give up, return home, just do what my parents tell me to and kill that dream forever. the exhibition you saw the other day, was my very first after working my ass for years, after burning myself out, and now, i have many others planned and opportunities pouring in. i was going to leave it though, just last year, i was prepared for it…i was going to come back to you too.” you held your breath as he spoke, the last sentence had your heart gripping onto it.

“that must have been hard” you sniffed as you blinked back tears that pooled in the corners of your eyes. you knew about his parents, how they threatened to throw him out if he ever went through with his dream but he still fought back, he still tried. you couldn’t imagine the words he’d had to hear from them, for every rejection he faced.

it still hurt you to hear about his pain, it hurt you more that you couldn’t soothe it.

“it was hard, but i knew i couldn’t come back to without making anything of myself, i just couldn’t” his voice wavered too as his memories of going from studio to studio came back in flashes, how every rejection he got felt like a new pin being dug into his dream, how every rejection was a new scar he had to heal.

you didn’t say anything after that, he didn’t either.

the reality of the dreams, that he had to live and die for, the dreams that you had to give up, lay heavy between you two.

you both knew how much the dreams meant to you, how much you would’ve given up to have even a piece of the dreams you wanted, but you also now knew the ones you didn’t achieve, the stars that didn’t shine or blink at you. you knew your failures now, which was more intimate than knowing each other’s success.

there is a certain beauty to life, the way it seems to drift between moments of consciousness where you make decisions by yourself wholly, and other moments where decisions are made by solely your body and heart, your mind an utter traitor in those moments.

that night, you sneakily demolished the pillow barrier between you two and slipped into the warmth that made you forget every cold you’ve lived through.

your heart won.

-

location planning wasn’t as dreamy as you had imagined it to be, many crew members ran around you in a frenzy to get things done while you leisurely explored the quiet, countryside where flowers seemed to bloom at every step.

you were right to fantasize about new zealand for as long as you did, you never wanted to leave this place. maybe this reluctance also rose from the knowledge that something around you and taehyung had changed here.

you didn’t want to go back to reality just yet and new zealand was just beautiful enough for you to forget everything.

you had to admit, watching taehyung direct his team and work around the location, was attractive. a man with passion and drive is always attractive but the fact that he was your first love just seemed to intensify the magnetic pull you felt toward him. it also didn’t help that once in a while (more often than you would admit), he would look for you in the crowd and give you the most heart-stopping smile before he dived into work again. you couldn’t help the fluttering in your chest nor could you help how your knees seemed to give in under you.

things had been free-flowing between you two, you didn’t tip-toe around each other anymore. you came to the location together, singing old songs dramatically in the car, it was peaceful, it felt like nothing changed at all.

that last night caused a shift between you two that you were still getting used to.

with the knowledge of how much he had struggled to get to where he was, your admiration grew ten-fold, it threw a blanket over the questions you still had for him. why did he leave without telling you anything, why had it been so suddenly, why couldn’t you have been there when he was making himself, all of those questions remained but you wanted to be ignorant to it at all now.

“hey, you want to grab a meal? the crew are heading back to the rooms, but i thought we could stay and explore for a bit” taehyung’s voice came from beside you and you found yourself nodding without even thinking of it, any time you could spend with him, you’ll take it.

“but it looks like it’s going to rain soon though” you glance towards the darkening clouds above you as they crowded around each other and let out soft grunts of warning.

taehyung shrugs, “we’ll be fine, let’s go.”

he grabs your hand and pushes you to run with him toward the car for no apparent reason other than entertainment, and you follow with loud giggles.

the sky grunts again, louder this time, as if it to warn you that tonight would change you two again.

you ignore it.

-

“i would have to say ‘the notebook’ but i know you will call that boring” he scoops up more ice cream into his spoon and nudges it towards your direction. you happily eat it and nod, “it is boring.”

you both were walking back to the car since it was parked far from where you had decided to go. in the past few hours, you both had walked around the streets of new zealand as a biting cold wind kept wafting on your faces.

“the proposal isn’t any better” he snarks back and you roll your eyes in response, “is that why you watched it twenty times with me then and cried at the ending every single time?” his face grows red.

“you know how romance makes me feel” he tries to defend himself with a whine and you laugh at him, “the ending isn’t even emotional, taehyung, it’s maybe one of the happiest endings in rom-coms” you continue to tease, walking ahead of him.

“do you really think i cried all those times for the movie only?” he says so seriously as he pauses in his steps and you stop too, looking back at him, “what is that supposed to mean?”

taehyung throws his head back, he didn’t mean to say that out loud, that was a secret he was going to carry to his grave. but he knew, you weren’t going to let it go.

“taehyung, what do you mean by that? what else could possibly make you cry?” you let out a confused laugh.

“forget it, it was the ending, it was just too emotional, don’t you think?” he tries to divert the conversation but you were stubborn and he winces when you cock an eyebrow at him, not believing a word he said.

“you don’t possibly expect me to believe that, do you?” you fold your arms across your chest.

“okay fine” he mutters in defeat, throwing the ice cream cup in a trash can as he walked to stand in front of you. your body straightened itself as he looked down at you with a longing that made you mute.

a drop fell on your head.

you ignored it.

the air grew colder, your hands gripped your jacket tighter.

“i used to imagine us” you held your breath as he whispered to you a secret that was supposed to be buried.

a couple more drops fell on your head.

“imagine us as what?” you whispered back and he closed his eyes for a second, he really didn’t want to tell you this, not now when you were finally not fighting him all the time.

more drops, this time quicker and more desperate to reach you.

when he opened his eyes again, you almost took a step back from how much they seemed to drown in plain pain.

“i used to imagine you, walking down the aisle, in a wedding dress and i used to imagine the kind of ring i would get you, i used to imagine how you would absolutely want petunias in the decorations. i used to imagine carrying you out of the venue in my arms and having you forever.” a sob stayed trapped in his throat, and a tear stayed trapped in your eyes.

you exhaled out through your mouth as you looked away from his eyes which drowned you in the love that you used to live on.

“taehyung” you didn’t know how to tell him that you imagined a life with him too, you had imagined a wedding gown and his suit, a ring and bouquet, an eternal promise.

but he took that away from you.

you never got to tell him what you imagined, the sky was no longer gentle with its warnings.

you shrieked as the droplets started to fall down with accelerated speed, and taehyung pulled on your hand, running up to the nearest shelter he could find, an abandoned phonebooth.

you were already fully drenched.

he pushed you in and shut the door with a thud before leaning on the door with a loud sigh.

your eyes caught taehyung’s as the droplets fell gently from his hair, then they slid down his face with a softness that made you want to caress his face, wipe the drops away and feel his skin under yours. the world slowed down around you as you looked at each other.

rain, forgotten.

wet clothes, forgotten.

dark clouds that screamed thunders, forgotten.

a wedding you dreamed of, forgotten.

forgotten, forgotten, forgotten.

everything else dulled around you into a silent noise. but the silence in that phonebooth, the silence between you two, stretched and whined loudly, the silence waited and waited for something to break it.

“do you remember,” taehyung started, his voice unusually breathless, even after the short run to the booth, “our first kiss?”

in the many nights he missed you, this was one question that ate away at him.

your hands clutched the coat around you tighter. it was the only barrier between you two, for you.

because you remember.

you don’t remember anything better.

it had been in taehyung’s dorm room.

it had been when silence descended for too long.

it had been intimate.

it had been everything.

you remember how it felt, as if you two were young kids discovering touch for the first time, discovering a love for the first time, discovering the change in pulse as your fingers subconsciously traced each other’s heartbeat and the very way you took in air, for the first time.

you had looked at each other for two seconds in between, to grasp that moment, where you felt nothing but the warmth of his hands and he felt nothing but the softness of your skin.

it was erratic and calm, it was urgent but willing to hold off because nothing seemed more important than looking at each other.

of course, you remember.

taehyung waited for you to tell him that you have not thought of anything else, because he hasn’t, to tell him that it still left you breathless because it left him gasping, he needed to know if you felt the same, dangerous urge that he did.

the sounds of drops above your heads floated you back into the present where taehyung looked at you the same way he did in his room back then, and just like then, you were tongue-tied and your face tingled from anticipation.

“do you?” he stepped forward, the already-small booth closed in around you and you couldn’t rip your eyes away from him, you didn’t bother stepping back because you knew he would follow.

a shaky hand came into your view as he hesitantly pushed a hair strand behind your ears, and you gulped.

all restraints broke loose.

you pulled him by his collar, and he let you, he had even been waiting for you to do it, and without another breath that would make you question your actions, your eyes fluttered close as his arms wrapped around your frame.

your jacket got pushed to the ground, the barrier was gone.

and when your lips met, it was just like the first time.

it was intimate.

it was everything.

the rain continued to fall outside, and the puddles grew in size around your feet, you had never felt as cold and hot as you did in that minute, but none of it mattered as taehyung weaved your body around to press you against the glass wall and stole your thoughts as his lips crashed down on yours once again.

your hands gripped the wet strands of hair that curled around his neck, your mind was buzzing, with heightening need and excitement, and that scared you. his entire torso leaned down to rest on you as his hands held the back of your head softly, holding you steady as you crumbled in his hold. that scared you too.

then, a pause.

just two seconds.

you felt nothing but the warmth of his hands.

he felt nothing but the softness of your skin.

just for a moment, the two of you pulled back to look at each other, to understand that this would change everything again, the way it did back then, it would cause irreversible damage to your already fragile bond.

intoxication was no longer an excuse.

but a silent agreement passed between you two.

it didn’t matter, not in these two seconds, not in this moment.

that was a conversation for another day, when you can think of something other than each other’s lips.

so, you let it be.

the doubts, the hesitance, the chaos this would ensue later, you let it be.

before you could mull over it one more time, taehyung cupped your cheeks, so tenderly that you forgot everything else you knew. you waited for his lips on yours but to your surprise, he kisses your nose first, then your forehead, and your temples, moving to your eyelids, his lips took the sweet time to caress each of your features and it felt like devotion, his worship of you.  

you felt years of pain be replaced by the affection he poured into the kiss.

your heart clenched in your chest tightly.

because this would be over soon.

it would be over and you couldn’t do a thing about it.

his lips finally kissing the corner of your smile lines brought you back to the booth, where sense and practicality didn’t win, where you would leave a changed person.

his petal-like lips fluttered over your lips and your mind went blank again, heat gathering under your skin. his arms skimmed your back, raising goosebumps on your skin that waited for more through the layers covering it, until they brushed your thighs, you twitched at the contact and your breath stayed still.

the waiting was killing you.

what was he planning to do?

in a moment, his hands tightened on your thighs and you were hoisted against the wall, your hands slammed on his shoulders for support as your eyes grew wide at the action.

in the next moment, taehyung ruined you for anyone else’s lips, one of your hands gripped desperately onto the glass wall, hoping you won’t slip but knowing that he wouldn’t let you slip and that proved itself when he pushed you further into the glass with a gentleness that you didn’t think was possible in your situation.

you had never thought of rain as a romantic setting, nothing about sticky pavements, grey clouds, and thundering sounds, made you feel butterflies in your ribs.

but the coolness gathered on the glass you gripped to, made your palms freeze, the collar of his coat that you held ever so tightly, his bating breath on your face, and his eyes that kept locking onto you, onto how he made you feel. all of it felt too true, felt too present for you to label the setting as anything but romantic.

somewhere, in the middle of that bliss, you unknowingly whispered back to him.

“i do.”

your heart won again.

-

you slept with him that night, it was inevitable, maybe a part of you knew that something would happen on the trip, and maybe a part of you craved it too but now that it was done, all that was left to you two were clouds of doubt that never quite cleared up.

you had woken up, ashamed, and stared at the ceiling, wishing for the world to swallow you up. your eyes drifted to taehyung, how peaceful he looked when asleep, how his arm lay heavy over your torso and your hand instinctively reached out to caress the apples of his cheeks.

soft.

so soft.

you let your hand fall back on the bed, but your stare remained on his face for a minute or two or ten, you are not sure. you took your time to admire him, remnants of his story, remnants of last night, still bright in your mind but you looked away.

all that and he never told you why he left without telling you.

the more you stayed by his side, the more the knots in your stomach tightened, the more upset you got with him, and the more you could sense the impending cycle that was going to continue with you two.

you needed to get out.

you once again leave the man you loved (love?) in the bed and escape the room, a hurt was filling in your heart and it needed to dissipate and for that, you had to leave him, like he left you.

but you would come back.

-

taehyung will lose his mind.

he had woken up with a smile on his face which disappeared at the absence of your body beside his, he had run around the entire room and hotel to find you.

it’s been five hours since that.

he’s been trying to reach you and you didn’t pick up one call nor check one message, he was in foreign land with limited resources and he couldn’t find one clue as to where you were. he had asked everyone he could, the hotel staff and security, the few crew members around him.

he still had to work but his mind wasn’t quite where it was supposed to be, the crew was moving at the speed of light and he tried to participate in the shoot but a sick feeling crawled all over his stomach, the camera in his hand felt alien, nothing felt right without knowing how or where you were. he pressed his head onto the stand and sighed deeply in an attempt to calm his racing mind.

taehyung reached for the phone in his pocket, ready to call you one more time, he was going to keep trying until you picked up.

“mr.kim?” he heard from beside him.

“we need to proceed with the shoot” it was his assistant and she looked stern, disappointed even at him and that was how taehyung knew he couldn’t mope around at work. he couldn’t let the fact that his throat was too tight to speak, his heart was too heavy to walk, stop the work of everyone around him.

“give me ten minutes, please.”

he looked into the camera, looked at the world it was showing him, and hoped that you hadn’t gone too far and would come back to him.

-

exploring the city by yourself went well, nothing too exciting but never bland, you just wished you had visited in different circumstances where you wouldn’t have to drag your heart around and just enjoy the view, capturing it forever in you.

your steps were rigid and slow as you walked back to the hotel, you didn’t want to see him, you didn’t want to see anyone, you wanted to curl up on the bed and not get up until everything disappeared around you. with every step towards him, you wanted to run even farther away.

as the building came into view, you stopped in your tracks as you caught sight of him, the sinking in your stomach got worse as if you were thrown off the edge of a rollercoaster again and again.

taehyung was sitting right at the entrance of the hotel with his phone pressed to his forehead, a deep furrow between his eyebrows as his body slumped on the stairs, you can’t remember a time you had seen him so tired.

a strange, numbing feeling captures your hands and legs at his defeated posture.

and when he looks up, you could weave a few hundred emotions on his face as he sees you, a mix of relief, frustration, pure exhaustion, and elation were there in pieces on him, he stares at you for one minute before he lets out a chuckle of disbelief, pushing himself up to walk to you.

“have you not eaten?” the question leaves you before you can stop yourself and he tilts his head at you, “where the fuck have you been?” despite the harsh words, his tone remained as tired as he looked.

you immediately felt bad, you snuck out without a word but your mind wasn’t logical enough to leave a message or some information for him before you left. you can’t imagine how worried he must have been, especially in a place he didn’t know anyone in. but you can’t bring yourself to apologize either, because, for some sick reason, you wanted him to feel what you did when he left and never came back.

“just out” comes your meek reply as you try to walk past him and into the room where you can at least pretend to be asleep so you could avoid this conversation. a wrist pulls you back to stand in front of him and that’s when you see his anger fully come to the surface.

“just out? you were… just out? and you didn’t think that telling me was necessary? i’ve been eating everyone’s head all day, trying to figure out where you were and you tell me, you were just out! do you even understand how worried sick i was all day, how many times i tried to call you? i didn’t even know if you were alive or not for fucks’ sake!” even as he yelled at you, his eyes teared up as they took you in again and again, as if he couldn’t believe that you were in front of him.

“now, you know what i felt like!” you yanked your wrist out of his hand, hot, frustrated tears forming at the corner of your eyes.

“do you see how it feels? to not know anything about the person you love?” anger starts to bubble in you too because of the audacity this man had to have to be such a hypocrite, what he felt now was what you felt for ages, for every minute that he didn’t come back, this was what you felt.

taehyung falters a bit, taking a step back but not fully leaving your space as his tears finally escape his eyes. you could only watch as they slipped around the curves of his cheeks, you didn’t realize your tears had flooded around your jaw too.

“i’m only going to ask you this once, taehyung and that is because i deserved to know this, all those years ago and i still deserve to know now” your throat hiccups as you struggle to get the words out, a heavy and blunt pain filled you till your fingertips.

“why did you leave me, then, without a single word? why did you leave me to myself? i understand everyone else, i understand why you wouldn’t tell your parents but, why me? i’ve broken my head for ages, trying to see why you wouldn’t tell me, i can’t come up with anything” you rake your nails through your hair as a burst of sad, low laughter spills out of your mouth at the sheer relief of finally saying this to him. it had been trapped in you, trapped in your every crevice. the pain, the longing, and the million questions had dug themselves into you.

“what have i done to you, taehyung? what did i do to deserve the way you left me? do you know how many people i asked, do you know how many people asked me? they didn’t have an answer for me, i didn’t have one for them because the man i loved disappeared into thin air and he never bothered to tell me a word about it.” your hurt reached him in waves, and seeing you distraught broke a piece of taehyung that he was desperately keeping together.

two years passed before you got the only piece of information you ever got about him which was, that he moved away, to a place no one knew and that he wasn’t planning on looking back, and somehow, even if it choked you, it also helped you to move on quicker because any hope for waiting had vanished, you could feel people eyeing you with pity when you walked through university, but you kept your eyes away from all of it, you didn’t need a reminder of it.

he didn’t say anything, the wind pushed around the both of you but his lips settled and not even a breath too loud, escaped him. the only indicator that he was present, that he was next to you was the drying wetness on his face.

“will you please say something? don’t you think i deserve to know, t-taehyung?” your voice broke as you came close to begging him for an answer. you were sick of the questions, the tip-toeing, you were sick of pretending that things could be alright without ever bringing this up.

“i was going to come back to you” he muttered weakly but that wasn’t enough for you.

“so, was i just some safety blanket for you? for you to come back whenever you wanted?” you hoped the hurt you felt was masked by the anger in your tone.

“god no, you would never be a safety blanket. i was always supposed to come back to you, no matter what happened” taehyung spoke with determination, gathering all his courage to finally tell you.

“my dream” he started, swallowing his uncertainty away, you deserved to know, you were right, he thought. “i was certain that i couldn’t let you know because my dream was like that, it was a rough journey, it was not pretty in any way and i was doing it for me, because of my selfishness. i couldn’t drag you into it, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair to expect you to stick by me when i was nothing, i had to come back with something for you, something for us.”

“i was ashamed, of my failure, of my lack of talent, everything. when i left, i hope you remember that night, i cried when we watched ‘the proposal’ for the hundredth time, i cried because i knew you would wake up, expecting to see me and i wouldn’t be there. i cried because i was scared, of losing you, of never achieving anything, of everything but when i saw you right before i left, i got all the encouragement i needed. i knew i could do it for you, if not for myself” his words spin your world on its axis, as a sob breaks through you and your hands bury your head in your hands, your anatomy crumbles as he speaks.

you know that night, he had cried too much but you had laughed it off, you had not thought much of it.

“did you really think i wouldn’t have stuck by your side if you decided to go for it?” you were hurt that he would ever think that you wouldn’t support him.

“i knew you would, which is why i had to do it. when i got the call, i thought of how i could give us a future, how we could build one together if i got off my ass and did something instead of just rambling about it. they told me it was a week in the beginning, but after seeing everything there, i knew i had to learn and do much more to get to a position that would be respected. i couldn’t come back but i worked to get to you, i hoped and hoped that you would be there for the exhibition in our city. i waited for years to see your reaction to it” he lets out a sad chuckle at the end, wiping the corner of his eyes.

every confession from him, stuck you in this strange relaxation and suffocation because if it were up to you, you would have never let him face it alone.

"i hated every second i wasn’t spending with you. i just want you, in whichever way you would let me have you." taehyung finished with a loud sniff, his eyes softening even more at your figure which bawled on the side of the pavement.

he crouched down to sit down next to you, your eyes met his red-rimmed ones and another wave of sadness washed you over as you cried harder, whether it was because of the relief of finally knowing why he left, or maybe, you just wanted him too, desperately.

“i just want you" he repeats by your side, his eyes clouding again, and waits for your response, “i’m sorry to keep you waiting, i’m sorry for every tear you cried because of me, but i promise with my life, that there will never be another day where you will cry because of me, i will never let it happen.”

you crumble by his side. you let your body fall against his, let yourself just feel him wholly without any shame, without any guilt, just him and his warmth that you missed so dearly.

he had to leave you that night, knowing that it would be normal for you to come to him and knowing that he wasn’t going to be there, you hadn’t understood the pain in his eyes then, you hadn’t understood the pain it would cause you later.

but he did come back, he gave you your answers and a promise you would hold onto.

this time, it wasn’t just your heart that won.

-

“i’m surprised they haven’t closed off the entrance yet” you stand, alert and ready to intervene as you watched people flood the museum from one corner to another. it was your job as the event planner to make sure the finer details went smoothly.

yes, event planner.

after years of just dreaming about it, you finally got to do it.

it sounded crazy to you too, when taehyung had given you no choice but to plan his next exhibit. you had brushed him off, you had no experience and you didn’t want his exhibit to suffer from your lack of skill but he was adamant, he reasoned with you that now, he was in a position where mistakes were affordable but he had placed the highest faith and pride in you, that mistakes weren’t what you had to be worried about, just putting it together the way you deem fit.

“is my event planner overworking themselves?” he hummed from beside you, handing you a champagne flute which you gulped down quickly, partly due to nerves, partly due to the frustration bubbling in you, “this crowd is like a bunch of animals, no order, no line, nothing! they’re just pushing each other” you complain into his ear and he holds in laughter in as someone comes in to greet him. you give a tight smile to that person, you had seen him pushing people around you wished he never found peace in his life.

taehyung senses an impending war and silently grazes a hand at your back to calm you down, which works, it always worked.

it has been months since new zealand, you both had a lot to talk about which you did while touring new zealand and after you came back, this time with more hope and less skepticism. the conversations had been heart-breaking but necessary, it allowed you to be the way you were right now.

you told him you were angry, that he could've done all that without leaving you in the dark, that your pain wasn't worth the reasoning he had given you and he agreed, he said he would spend the rest of his life making up for it.

you made sure to reconnect, keep having those conversations, revisit your memories, go on dates, and spend days and nights together to nurture your fragile bond but your bond only grew stronger like you had believed it would.

“i get that you want this to go perfectly but this is your first event, as a planner babe” he whispers to you and you tilt your head at him, was he insane? how would you want anything but perfect for your work? taehyung immediately catches the look on your face, shaking his head at himself for even thinking that you would settle for anything less.

“what i mean to say, is that this is your last ‘first’, you are never going to experience another ‘first’ and i want you to savor this, remember this, and enjoy it.” at his words, you take a minute to look around the place and that’s when it actually hits you, this was your dream in motion, with your favorite person by your side.

people were filling in, complimenting the details and the décor, which you spent hours browsing through stores and the internet for, the food and wine that was passed around, which you selected after taste-testing at every possible caterer, and the invitations, which you had went around fifty stationery stores for.

it was your work.

of course, ultimately, they had come to see taehyung’s incredible vision of new zealand but you pulled this event together.

and that moment of it dawning on you, that this was all yours, that exact face you made as your eyes filled with tears and your hand flew to your mouth at the enormity of your reality, taehyung wanted to capture it forever, in his lens, in his heart and hang it up as the largest portrait he owned.

taehyung silently raised his phone, to immortalize this moment of your glittering eyes that drowned in wonder, your hands which failed to hide the affection you felt for the moment. you fall on him as soon as he takes the picture and taehyung gathers you in his arms with a heart blooming with pride.

“it’s mine, it’s actually mine” you whimper into his shoulder and he pats your head, prying it away from his body, and cups your face in his hands to melt his lips onto yours, and the room full of people, doesn’t exist anymore.

it’s not a kiss of unwanted desire.

it’s not a kiss of doubt nor one of urgency.

it’s not a kiss that you don’t talk about.

it’s a kiss full of words that are too true to say out loud.

then, a pause.

just two seconds.

you felt nothing but the warmth of his hands.

he felt nothing but the softness of your skin.

just for a moment, the two of you pulled back to look at each other, to understand where you were now, how far you were now from the damaged people you were, how you held nothing but pure, drowning love.

you dive into each other again, the moment slipping carefully enough to allow you the luxury of reveling in it.

this time, you knew that there were would be no pain after, and there would be no unanswered questions or waiting.

this time, it would just be you and him, and the world of captured moments that you grew your love in.

taehyung looks at the photo he took of you that night while you slept peacefully beside him, it was shaky and blurry, he had taken it in a hurry, on his phone and not one of the many professional cameras he owned, to forever remember the magic that swirled in your eyes and a smile stretches on the artist’s face.

it was the best photograph he’s ever taken.

I cried while reading this ;-;

love is not over

synopsis: › after getting a divorce two years ago, you can’t exactly say that your feelings for your ex-husband have completely vanished in the course of those depressing and quite miserable months. so when fate decides to play with you once again, letting your paths cross more often than liked thanks to your daughter, you tell yourself that you shouldn’t be as stupid and reckless as you were before—but things aren’t as easy as it seems, especially when taehyung begins to plant the idea that he’s possibly trying to win you back.

pairing: taehyung x reader

word count: 33.3k (use a browser if you’re going to read on mobile !!)

rating: PG-15

content: angst | fluff | exes au | fake dating au (not the main pairing tho) | ft. dad!taehyung, co-worker!namjoon

warning/s: swearing | mentions of divorce / broken family | alcohol consumption | violence (a punch being thrown to someone) | plain heartaches tbh sksksk

opening note. um, to my og readers out there, this is for you sjdksjs but i’m sorry this really took a long time to finish—two years in fact. a lot happened and it made me grow uninspired and even abandon my writing blog but i’m here now and i hope you’ll like the chapters of love is not over compiled into one + the last part that has been long delayed !! i tried editing this a lot to hopefully fix some plot holes or something and at the same time, retained the true ‘essence’ of it from the first time i posted it here way back hehe so if some parts are still meH then that’s the reason sjdksjdk

Keep reading

what fate decides [taehyung x reader] [part 1]

drabble count: 5

join tag list for future works | masterlist of all works previous | next drabble

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 all three parts are currently completed, but if you want early access to all of them, become a member on my ko-fi page! 💞

summary: You're a beta in love with your best friend, alpha Kim Taehyung. Except you know that you can never fulfill his dominating urges, so you draw a line between the two of you. Cherish his small kisses and embraces until an omega has to come along.

Until one day, you're not a beta anymore. Now, it's nearly impossible to resist the protective, endearing alpha in front of you.

pairing: taehyung x reader

chapter tags/warnings: angst, self-depricating thoughts, fluff, alpha/omega, a/b/o dynamics, best friends to lovers, slow burn ish, smut, mature, swearing

If there’s one thing you pride yourself on, it’s being a year older—and thus wiser—than Kim Taehyung. Taehyung Kim. Tae-tae. Whatever the idol’s nickname is. He’s got thousands, no doubt. 

Or at least, you think it’s easier pretending not to know him. You see the idol on the screen, hear your friends gushing over him, and wonder if the two of you ever becoming close—so close that you were inseparable when you were younger—was a dream. Back then, the day turned into a week, a week into years, and a year into years. 

Sometimes the feeling of nostalgia sinks in when you scroll through your old texts with him. Sometimes you wish to beg him to come back when he takes a flight back to Korea, but you realize that one of you has to be the adult. And because you’re older, it basically means that the responsibility falls on you, no matter how stubborn or persistent he is. 

Thank God you’re a beta, and unaffected by his alpha presence. The fact that he is an alpha is infuriating. His ego is large enough, and though he loves basking in compliments, lips curling upwards into a boxy smile, there needs to be someone to knock him down a peg or two. Hence, the (somewhat) calm-headed, (mostly) logical beta: you. 

Though he really is testing that side of you right now, pulling at your heartstrings. When you told the idol that he can visit your apartment in Los Angeles, you didn’t mean, “Hey, bring all your members along so I can be humiliated in Harry Potter pajamas and blubbering Korean.” Except now the idols entered your apartment anyways, and Taehyung was giving them a tour like he owned it, flinging his arms out and pointing at various exhibitions—your rooms. 

“Here, Noona,” he flings the hoodie draped over his arm at you. “You look cold.” 

“I—thanks, Taehyung.” You respond gratefully. Not that Los Angeles is cold. The sun’s beating down through your curtains, the light bright enough to blind you in the mornings as you sip a coffee on your plush, red sofa. But since you were younger, you’ve always been cold, especially once you woke up. 

“You have any snacks? Or ice cream? Jungkook might be hungry.” The alpha steps closer to you when you slide your head through the hoodie, trying to find the hole from your left arm. Grasping the fabric, he holds it out for you, and you beam up at him. 

“I think so. I can also whip out something if you guys want breakfast.”

“No,” he says, voice firm, eyes locking with the members. “I came to hang out with you, not make you serve breakfast.” 

“It’s really okay,” Jungkook adds hastily, and Jimin smirks in return. Then, someone’s stomach grumbles in reply, and you all glance at the blushing leader.

“It’s me digesting!” He blurts. You snort at how ridiculous it sounds, because seriously. If they came to Los Angeles, it’s a crime to not eat. The food here is a fusion of all cultures blended together, which is why it has one of the best ones in the world. You know your mother hates hearing this, but you think that the food in Koreatown suits your tastes better than the authentic food in Korea. It’s just a perfect blend between the modern and traditional culture, and you can’t go back. 

“There’s leftover gamjatang in the refrigerator that I brought yesterday, if you guys want. I also have rice and can make you a—”

“Y/N,” your friend insists, wrapping an arm around your waist to prevent you from going anywhere. Not Noona. Not ya, or some other rude nickname he gives to you when he should respect that you’re older (though it is just a year, Korean standards say otherwise). “Stop. I know you’re tired. You don’t need to.”

You stare up at Taehyung, who has his hair slicked back and is staring back into your eyes, as if challenging you. Ugh. Screw him. You know he knows that you’re terrible with eye contact.

“It’s not that I feel the need to,” you explain, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. “I want to, I promise.” 

Taking care of people—Taehyung included—made your heart swell, and made you soft inside. Your love language giving wise is acts of service, and yeah, it might end up with you giving more than you should, or people taking advantage of you. Taehyung had seen that happen firsthand with his ex-girlfriends, or with those who had a crush on him, thinking that you did that because you were forced to. But these are his members, people he’s been with for years and trusts.

“Taehyung,” you whisper, lowering your voice. “Don’t ruin this for me.”

Running a hand through his hair, he nods and stalks off where Yoongi is residing on your couch. You smile brightly at the rest of the members, who have been quiet or averting their gazes at your conversation. 

“You want help setting the table?” Jin offers. You nod. 

“I was also thinking about making some kimchi stew.”

“I can make that!” Jimin pipes in. 

“Jimin ah,” Namjoon winces. “Your last kimchi-jigae was too salty. Maybe next time.”

“But practice makes perfect.” The idol rolls up his sleeves, suddenly looking determined to prove himself. “Just get me an apron, and I’ll whip up a masterpiece in seconds.” 

“Or Taehyung can, since he’s been learning how to cook,” Namjoon says, wincing. Oh, yeah. You heard about that on social media, him uploading pictures of his food or sending them to you. 

“My kitchen isn’t big enough,” you tell him regretfully. “I think Jin and I will have to make do.”

That part is true. Washing the dishes is a one-man show, because next to it is the refrigerator, and then the cabinet. The stove is behind you, and a small counter divides the kitchen with the living room. It’s cozy, but because LA apartments are so expensive, you had to make do with this small one. Even if Taehyung pressed about buying you a house, you couldn’t accept it. What would his future girlfriend think, that he brought his best friend a house? Knowing how conservative Korea is, you don’t want to step over that line.

Plus, you get free reign to place rugs anywhere you want on the hardwood ground. 

You hold in a laugh with the grateful glance the leader shoots you, and ushers Jimin away. 

“And how do you expect me to come to your shoot?”

“I’ll let the staff know,” he says, as if it’s obvious. “And you can just come in and watch.”

“You’re what—twenty something? All grown up. You can handle a shoot on your own.”

“But you’ve never seen me work.”

“I’ve seen you work. At concerts.” 

“It’s not the same thing, Noona. And you said that you’d hang out with me when I came to visit you. You weren’t lying, were you? You said you’d make up for all the birthdays we missed apart.”

Ding ding. Another point for Taehyung. “Alright, where’s your shoot?”

“In Korea.”

“Korea!” You practically shriek. “Taehyung, no.”

“Why not? You said your novel’s set in Korea, isn’t it? It’ll be good research, and you get to see your parents.”

Yeah, this is a good opportunity for you, as a writer who literally has no job except freelancing. But… 

“Noona.” The word alone makes you flinch, and you sigh at the idol in front of you. Legs crossed in front of you, Taehyung juts his lower lip out, pouting. He intentionally parted his bangs to give you a pleading look, too—but you refuse for it to affect you—you never know what this alpha is up to next. “C’mon.” 

Then again, your willpower is never that strong around him.

“No, Taehyung. I can’t go.”

“Is this about the money?” When is it not about the money? 

“I have plenty of money,” he adds. You snort. 

“Yeah, that much is obvious.” He’s practically plastered on every billboard, and any moments he has with women are trending. Though you don’t tell him, your favorites are the book memes that come out of it. God, you feel awful for laughing, but it’s just hilarious. Like the meme of how this one person mentioned that they’d get pregnant if Taehyung gave her the gaze of “I’ll take you to the bookstore.”

“What are you giggling about?” The corner of his mouth tugs up into a smile, and he pokes your cheek. 

“Nothing.” A grin stretches across your face. “Seriously. I’m saving up for Korea myself, don’t waste your money on me.” 

“I love giving you my money,” he retorts immediately. “And you always stole my money in high school, what’s a few years older?”

“Shut up!” You smack his shoulder, and he snickers. “I’m pretty sure I paid back that amount enough, too, dealing with you.”

“I told you, I can help you out. You know I make more than enough.” But your pride won’t let him. As someone older than him, it’s ingrained in you to pay for him, not the other way around.

“It’s—it’s my job because I’m older—”

“Get that thought out of your head,” he murmurs. Taehyung takes a deep breath. “I love taking care of you, Y/N, alright?”

“You need to stop using my name,” you groan. “It’s rude. How have we become this casual over the course of what? Over a decade?” 

“I like your name.” And he inches closer, nose brushing your neck as he places a soft kiss there. You don’t even know how he knows that you’d melt from that, but you do. Hands shoot out to grab his biceps, and he rests his forehead in that crook, body at an odd angle because he’s hunching over you, torso twisted. 

Taehyung likes physical contact, you remind yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. Again, thank God you’re a beta, and your scent—both giving off and smelling—is minimal. Also, bless the universe that the alpha in front of you is wearing suppressants today. 

“I missed you,” he whispers. 

You press your lips together. “I don’t know. I wasn’t planning to, but—”

“Please,” he hushes, breath hitting your skin. Making the moment so intimate. “Come with me.”

Hands hold both sides of his cheeks, and you stare. Rub your thumb in circles, and his eyes darken. Darken with a promise, with worry from your answer, with something. 

“Okay,” you say. “Okay.” 

A week later, upon arriving in Korea, Taehyung sends you a text, along with a pinned location.

Taehyung: Come.

Taehyung: Please.

Taehyung: I’ll be waiting.

“He’s not in a good mood today,” Namjoon comments on the obvious. Taehyung isn’t out here yet, but the other members are slowly trickling in.  

As you stand in the midst of the photoshoot for Vogue, you nod. “Thanks for letting me know.”

In return, the leader mimics your action and heads over to the director. The chatter around you is growing, as interns run in with drinks for the staff and the idols, and as directors shout where the lights should be placed. It’s like the scene is shifting in circles around you, and as you hide in the corner, you love it. Watching everyone enter their own element, running on adrenaline until the shoot is over. The determined glances, the peering in the cameras, the directing. Your heartbeat quickens seeing everything unfold in front of you, and you rock on your heels to contain your excitement. 

“Ah, hello!” Hoseok smiles. “Can I ask you a favor?”

Well, that’s sudden. “Uh, su—”

“Can you get Taehyung? He’s—well—” The idol stumbles over his words. “He’s in one of his moods. And, well, since we’re all alphas, we don’t want to be messing with his area.”

Oh. Oh. You flush. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know.”

“Ah, yeah.” He scratches the back of his neck, and stunned into awkward silences, the two of you slink away from one another. “He’s in the dressing room.”

Roaming down the halls, you knock on his door. Well, BTS’s door. 

No answer. 

“Taehyung?” You question, and stick your head in. The dark mess of hair stiffens when you do. 

“Did the members send you here?”

You can’t help yourself, gazing at his muscles and the hard ridges of his body as he slumps down the chair, legs open wide. In fact, your mouth almost goes slack at the sight, but you reign it in, knowing that the other members are waiting. Because Taeyoung’s broodiness—or, him being pissed all morning—could only mean one thing. He’s about to go into rut soon. 

“Bad morning?” You chirp from where you’re at, not wanting to intrude or do something that would piss him off even further. There was never a telltale sign as to what Taeyoung hated, so close to rut. Not that he ever lashed out at you. But you saw how he would grimace, or hide the discomfort of your actions. 

“Ha. Very funny,” the idol grumbles, then frowns. “Why are you so far away?”

“No reason,” you grin, and inch closer. “Just thought you wanted to sit alone today.”

“Sit on me,” he orders, grouchy. You carefully settle yourself on his thighs, but can’t help but shift forward to drape yourself all over him. You can’t help it—he’s just that comfortable. His shoulder is the perfect pillow for you to rest your head on, and the crook of his neck is the perfect place for you to dig your face into, hiding away from the world. And it’s like he owns you, with the way his palm sometimes curves around your nape, or the way he guides you, or the way he curves his hand around your hip and draws you closer. 

You tell yourself it’s the Alpha instincts within him, taking care of his best friend. In his mindset, you’re pack. Making sure that your nervousness isn’t stinking up the room. Making sure you’re safe and tended to. 

But sometimes, you hallucinate. 

“Are you staying until I end today?”

“That’s what I was planning to do, unless it goes on for too long.”

“I didn’t know if you were coming today,” he admits. His arms tightening around you and pulls you closer, smothering you in his scent. Of the ocean. Of sand. It’s nice. The issue is that your heart flutters when catching hints of it, like it did in high school. Then it’d fall, or be stomped to pieces when he came home every night talking about the girl he wanted to impress. You forgot her name—never bothered to learn it in the first place, just trying to pick up your broken pieces when he shattered you. And one day, he came home, saying he lost his virginity. Saying that he was happy he gave it away to the one person.

That’s when your project began. To move on from Taeyoung, the reason of your existence. Because the only reason you two met was because of your mothers. That’s it. If not, fate would have never allowed you to collide.

And you understood. He’s an Alpha, with urges no less. You’re a beta. You weren’t going to ruin anything. 

“Namjoon showed me the fancy director chair you got me,” you tease, fingers finding his hair and tugging a strand. 

“Mhm.” A deep inhale. “I better go.”

The untangling is slow, but you cherish those moments, keep it tucked away with memories only you have with him while your mind chastises your heart. 

It’s just like every other night back then, you tell yourself. Taehyung’s oblivious to your feelings, and you’re here beating yourself up over it without saying anything.

And you know—if you’re going to keep quiet, you shouldn’t take it out on Taehyung because that would be unfair to him. 

Besides. You loved him too much to break what the two of you have.

to be continued...

what fate decides [taehyung x reader] [part 2]

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summary: You're a beta in love with your best friend, alpha Kim Taehyung. Except you know that you can never fulfill his dominating urges, so you draw a line between the two of you. Cherish his small kisses and embraces until an omega has to come along.

Until one day, you're not a beta anymore. Now, it's nearly impossible to resist the protective, endearing alpha in front of you.

pairing: taehyung x reader

chapter tags/warnings: angst, self-depricating thoughts, fluff, alpha/omega, a/b/o dynamics, best friends to lovers, slow burn ish, smut, mature, swearing, car accidents

tags: @theblueslytherin @tatyhend @tinyoonsblog @vsmith0099 @midnightsora @cupcakesxdomjoon @likeshatteredrainbowglass @scuzmunkie @kookiwu @xjiminsthighsx @dreadity @lovelytaes-blog @noooodlllleeee @ggukkieland @namjoonshug

You remember how he used to creep through your window and curled up next to you. Your bed creaked as you let him settle, but every sound—as he took off his shoes, chucked off his jacket, ran a hand through his hair, all this illuminated in the moonlight—shattered your heart. It’s as fragile as glass whenever he’s around, and wonder how many more times you’d have to mend it together until it’s just not possible. 

“What’s it like?” You had to ask. “Being an Alpha?”

You’re sure that your memory is different from his. All you remember is coming home one day, ready to throw the kid out the window because he annoyed you all day, placing pranks for you around the school and sticking his tongue out. It’s not fair that the sunbae’s loved him too, and that he got away with everything if he smiled wide enough. The boxy smile and crinkling in his eyes were enough to melt any girl’s heart, including yours. Though you expected to confront him about that and skipping classes, his mother confronted you—telling you he was an alpha. 

He was sixteen then. You seventeen. But by then, you were well-aware of the impacts of designation. Enough so that you left without asking questions. 

His arms went around your waist. Mouth near the back of your neck, him burying his face in your shoulder. Legs tangling up with yours. As a beta, senses weren’t as heightened, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t smell someone else on him. Mijun. And it made you want to throw up. Because it’s all too clear what he spent the night doing—calming his urges down.

Well, not urges, but… yeah. It was mutual for the two of them, and you liked Mijun as an acquaintance. She was one of the few people who treated you nicely and hung around Taehyung at the same time. 

“What’s it like?” He asked in return. “Being a Beta?”

“Dull,” you responded. Hopeless. Beta’s and Alpha’s don’t go together. They just don’t. Biology demands for an Omega to be with an Alpha. Same with the other way around. You, you were like the leftovers the world created. The followers—the secretary in the movie that cleaned up after everybody’s mess, but was never given credit for it. 

At least, that’s how it felt as a teenager. 

“Uncontrollable,” he told you. Added, “The only time I feel like I’m in my right mind is with you.”

Yeah, because you’re logical. There’s nothing more to this exchange except that you two will be friends. And it only made the bitter taste in your tongue get worse. 

That part didn’t change. 

There are certain telltale signs—other than the additional signs of aggressiveness, stronger scents that even you can pick up, and constant growls—that accompany Taehyung when he’s about to go into rut. For one, the idol becomes impossible overbearing, becoming attached to your hip and hovering over you like you’re either pregnant or weak. 

This is one of the many reasons I didn’t come to Korea, you think, as the alpha comes in with several grocery bags. Like come on, you are a Beta. Capable of carrying both an Alpha and Omega on your backs, which is why usually you had positions where you were the mediator. It’s a talent, multitasking—doing jobs and calming down both so called levels simultaneously. 

“Did you want to eat something?” 

“No,” Taehyung mutters, scowling at the string of hoodies on the ground. In your defense, you were entranced in a scene, and refused to be sucked out of it. Cleaning up after yourself would cause you to lose all the ideas you came up with plot wise. “I’m cooking tonight.” 

“You learned how to cook?” You laugh. 

He scowls. “Of course I learned how to cook. Who’s going to take care of you? All you do is order to-go food.”

It’s not just the food that’s annoying him—you can tell. It’s the fact that the two of you fought over where you would stay. Taehyung kept arguing that his apartment was available, but you didn’t want to take advantage. And yeah, you understand that it’s stupid not accepting a free space where you don’t have to pay rent, but then when you think about how the media would portray it, it all sounds wrong. So you reside in a small apartment a bit larger than your studio, and let him come over. 

“Hey!” The protest rings loud and clear. “I can cook a great ramen, where the noodles aren’t overcooked and there’s just the right amount of broth. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“No, because ramen isn’t healthy.” 

“If you’re going to be like this, find an omega to spoil, Taehyung ah,” you joke. Your heart clenches, but you force the smile to remain on your face. It’s better this way, to create distance. Now that you can’t do that by land or ocean, you have to do it through words. 

Yes, it’s painful, pushing Taehyung away. But you’ve lived with the fantasy of a beta and alpha being compatible for years, only for it to be crushed whenever he slept with another girl, or snapped at you through his ruts. Just like the alpha could be gentle, he could be vicious, too. And it wasn’t—isn’t—your job to calm him down in that area. 

It’s his omega’s.

98% of marriages between an alpha and beta end in divorce, you tell yourself when the idol clenches his jaw. Taehyung and you won’t be any different, not that he’s even interested in you in the first place. 

“So, what are you going to cook?”

“Curry,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. The other hand is placed on the small of your back as he kisses your shoulder, then your forehead. “Go rest, love. You look like you’re about to topple over.”

Yeah, because the mattress that you bought—one of the cheaper ones—isn’t as great as the one in America. And as you’re getting older, your back is only annoying you more. So you lay on the sofa as Taehyung cuts the green onions and starts chopping the carrots in silence. When he started cooking, you can’t even recall. All of a sudden, he just starting to grow taller than you did, and take care of you like you used to take care of him. 

It’s unsettling, really. 

You want to scream.

In joy, of course.

Heading home from a cafe, you’re beaming, nearly tripping over the sidewalk as you run home. You managed to finish plotting your novel, and are finally—finally—satisfied at how it would turn out when you start writing it. And today is the day—it has to be. You’re running home when the idol himself calls. 

“You have a meeting today with the PD?” You ask. “Or do you not have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“Ha,” Taehyung mutters. “Funny. I was wondering—” That’s when you spot him. Wearing a coat and dress pants, along with a pair of sneakers by the streetlamp. The wind’s blowing, sending the December snow scattering into your eyes, but you squint through it to get a better glance at him. Your nose is cold, and your teeth are chattering, and you should be home. But here you are, picking Taehyung up. There’s a scarf around his neck, but you know it’s not from him. It’s not his. Shivering, your hands are too numb to press the end call button. 

Taehyung’s eyebrows knit together, but then he glances up. His eyes are smiling already when he steps forward. And you don’t think. You run.

Stupid, stupid mistake. The light might be green, but the snow’s heavy. And your timing has always been terrible. Your legs ache, but then you slam into something. Lights—yellow? white?—flash in front of your eyes, and you don’t know what happens. You’re just on the ground. Your bones feel like they’re shattered, and you whimper. It’s more than numbness you’re feeling now.

Fire. Fire is spreading all throughout your body, and it’s like something has knocked out your voice, making it impossible for you to do anything. 

Then fear. It sets in like the ice pricking your skin. You want to thrash, but you can’t. 

“Love? Love. Love,” he repeats. First with the nickname he gave you, then your actual one. Hovers above you, calling your name, voice hoarse and throaty, panic laced in the edges. Just like always, you’re drawn into Taehyung, your senses tunneling in to focus on nothing but him. Even the sirens drift into the background, along with the other hands that are grabbing you, checking your pulse, making sure you’re alive. 

“Stay with me!”

BONUS (cause I was bored and wanted to stay in this drabble for a little longer):

Providing for you pleases Taehyung. You don’t know it, of course, but the way you unconsciously react to him—eyes brightening, lips curving upwards, and head tilting back—it tells his alpha that you’re submitting to him, eager for his return. Sometimes, before he can think better of not ruining the friendship the two of you established, he’ll lean in and wrap his arms around you, burying his nose in the crook of your neck.

Fighting the urge to mark and bite it. Leave hickeys around in the area so everyone—including you—can know you’re his. For now, he has to provide indirectly. Making sure that you have a nice apartment, one that isn’t blocked by other buildings and has the right amount of sunlight. You also like the garden balconies, so he gets you one. 

Anything you want, anything you need, it’s yours. 

“We could sleep. It’s just the same bed,” he protests. “We’ve done it since we were kids. Fuck, we take naps together even now with you and top of me.”

“That’s on the sofa.” 

“And what’s the difference of it being on a bed?” 

“There is no difference,” you hesitate. “But you are in rut, Taehyung.”

“Noona,” he sighs. “I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m in tune with my alpha, and I know when my rut will hit me hardest. I promise I’ll be out by then, but I just want to cuddle with someone who’s not my members at all. So come upstairs, okay? I’ll be waiting.” 

He’s not wrong—he is comfortable. Legs tangled together, you let him play with the strands of your hair, arms wrapping around his waist. You can hear his heartbeat, head laid directly over it. That, along with the soft coos his alpha makes, causes your eyes to grow drowsy. So when Taehyung pulls away for a second, you mumble incoherent words, something about your heating pad disappearing. 

And then the alpha hears it—the soft whines that settle when he molds himself to you again. It subsides in an instant, and his eyes widen when he takes in your closed eyes and parted lips. If anything, your beta is calling out to him, and though the two pairs—alpha and beta—aren’t usually mated, this itself shows that you’re attached to him. 

More than attached. Attracted.