05. Once Upon A Time | Reliability Kth

05. once upon a time | reliability • kth

previous | index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 3.184 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: experience all the events so far through Y/N’s perspective

A/N: i'm so so so happy with the positive feedback on this story. thank you to every single one of you who leave a like, reblog it, and takes the time to reply to the post. pls know that i see everything! i hope you will continue to share your thoughts with me, i love reading them. my inbox is always open too, even to anons <3

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

YOUR POV

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I was exhausted.

Tired of pretending.

As much as I told myself that I was fine, that things were going to happen, it was all a lie. They weren't. I waited patiently for years and whenever I thought it was finally going to happen, I was disappointed.

Tae Hyung is a difficult and complex man, and I had no idea of ​​that in college. My first impression of him did not match the first interaction, which also did not match the reality of our daily lives as classmates in an elective class we took together.

I remember thinking that he was the cutest guy I had seen wearing a gray sweatshirt. His eyes were lightly covered by his wavy black hair and his lips were a really beautiful pink shade, very kissable. However, the first time we spoke it he was the one to initiate and it was to complain about something that I asked the teacher. From that day on he sent mixed signals. There were days when he insisted on questioning anything I said or did while on others he smiled sweetly, reminding me of the first time I saw him.

The way he treated me started to get annoying and I made sure to draw the line on the possibility of even becoming friends. He didn't seem to need friends anyway. I once saw him in the pub on the outskirts of campus where students would often go, and he was a completely different person. Full of life, the center of attention and surrounded by girls too. It looked like he was really alive when he had an audience. The type of person who charms everyone with charisma, good humor, and appearance. Typical rich boy behavior. Very rich I should say. The type of rich you don't see anymore. Old money. Generations of power. It was obvious that he had no idea what it was like to work to achieve something. Everything fell at his feet when he wanted and how he wanted.

Although his indifference bothered me to some extent, I had to agree that he was a great student. He got high grades, argued his opinion like nobody else, and loved to start a controversy just to amuse the group and gain morale with the teachers. Tae Hyung was a born leader.

In senior year I was already used to his personality and developed a way to deal with it whenever we interacted (which wasn’t that often, to begin with). Equal to equal. I would be a mirror. The way he treated me, I would treat him back, simple as that.

There were days when I felt that he was letting his guard down and showing himself to be just a boy uncertain about the future, somewhat vulnerable, and I even tried to talk a little bit about but he didn't seem very interested in letting other people really get to know him. It was like he was hiding something. The walls went up in seconds and I found myself, again, amid sarcastic remarks. Humor as a defense mechanism, I get it.

Our third and final project together was actually a debate open to the public. We were on opposite sides, of course. I don't remember exactly what topic we discussed, but he was in favor and I was against it. He was visibly lost, stuttering, and I took advantage of it.

After I won the debate and the whole audience got up on their feet to applaud, I finally felt like I was good enough. Good enough to be in a renowned college, good enough for my parents to be proud of me, and good enough to secure a great job; a job where I could make a difference, get a lot of money and help my family. I felt the center of attention for the first time and honestly, nothing could compare. I even remember thinking while bowing and thanking everyone ‘Oh, so this is how Tae Hyung feels all the time’, which totally makes sense. I immediately understood why he was so incredibly oblivious to the world around him and especially to those below him.

Right after graduation, I went straight to London to get an MBA, and occasionally stalked my former college colleagues' LinkedIn to find out what they were up to, where they were working, that kind of stuff. Tae Hyung’s profile, however, hadn’t much public information available. From the photo I could see that he was still the same, the only difference was that he now wore a suit. His position within the Vante was not specified and I tried to imagine whether he actually did anything there or if he simply spent his father's money as a bon vivant.

In my first month back in Korea, I received an email from Vante Enterprises asking me about my interest in an interview for a high position, totally confidential. I thought it was kind of weird because I didn't recall sending my resume over, like ever, and I very much doubt that Tae Hyung's father, then CEO, knew who I was.

And it was a good thing that he didn't because I wasn't going to work for him.

Kim Jin-ho was a very traditional tycoon and, precisely for that reason, he led Vante in an equally archaic way. And, because they were that way, I had one foot in and one foot out about the interview. I wasn't comfortable with the way these older folks did business. Back in college, I was an intern in a similar company and I saw a lot of shady stuff. I couldn't (and wouldn't) jeopardize everything I worked so hard for just for a position there. I needed to be strategic about my future, even though I was 100% aware that having Vante Enterprises on my resume would open a lot of doors.

When I finished reading the email, I googled if Tae Hyung's family was still in charge or not. I found some articles talking about recent deals, acquisitions that went well, projections for the following year, but nothing that confirmed that Tae Hyung's father was still the CEO. That was when, on a social note inside a virtual magazine, almost near the foot of the page, I saw the phrase ‘Kim Jin-ho celebrating his 60th birthday and 2,000 deals while preparing for retirement next summer’ next to a photo of Mr. Kim cutting a cake.

I paused for a moment, reflecting on the possibility of Tae Hyung taking over after his father: it was possible but a bit strange if he did. My only connection to the company was him, so if they were after me for an interview, it was because Tae Hyung appointed me, and that left me confused because I couldn't understand exactly why he did it. He didn't even like me! He literally criticized everything I did.

Or maybe…

I was good enough.

That’s it!

Right then I had a eureka moment where I realized that all the efforts I had made so far were paying off. The universe was giving back due to my hard work. I had become an acquisition specialist and both my internship and my job in London could attest to that. These two companies were monumental in helping me to understand both domestic and international markets and trained me beyond the goals I had set during college.

I was certainly worthy and should act accordingly, entering Vante with my head held high and boosting confidence. Since the position was obviously important enough for them to keep it confidential, I would have to behave as if I already got the job.

And that's what I did.

I marched into the building feeling on edge but hoping that either Tae Hyung or Ye Jun would conduct the interview. If I came face to face with their father, I would be extremely disappointed, but I wouldn't show it, of course.

As the elevator went up I remember mentally repeating my favorite affirmations, rethinking my best academic moments, visualizing my professional goals coming true, and quietly praying that everything would work out so I could have a job in Korea near my family.

When I left for London it was very hard on my parents, and on me too, although they both rooted for me unconditionally. I got a scholarship for my MBA and they gave me all of their savings so that I could support myself in the new country until I found a job. Fortunately, it didn't take long. 6 months later I had already stopped using the savings and began paying them back.

As soon as I entered the lobby I was amazed at how grandiose it was and felt a sense of belonging. Very weird! And that was exactly what fueled me to walk into the CEO office determined to win the position.

I knocked on the door three times after the secretary authorized me to go in, opening it slowly and finding the person I most wanted to see: him. His hair was still fluffy, wavy, and probably soft. When he gave me a smile and said, ‘Hello, Y/N. Long time no see!’ I was forced to hold a laugh for two simple reasons:

1. His attitude hadn't changed at all. He continued with an air of superiority disguised in good manners.

2. He had orchestrated all of this. If he hadn’t then he would look more surprised to see me. Taehyung didn't seem surprised at all, actually.

The meeting did not last very long and I left satisfied in less than 10 minutes. I certainly made a strong impression on Tae Hyung, because the next day he called me to make things official. I started the following Monday.

From that day on I embarked on a great adventure that taught me a lot about myself and the power of resilience. Working at Vante Enterprises was everything I expected it to be and Tae Hyung was an excellent leader, I'll give him that. He allowed me a lot of freedom, not only because the position I held required it, but also because I saw that he trusted me more and more each month.

That trust did not come overnight though! I worked hard to earn it. Just as I know he worked hard to earn mine too. I can't say we became proper friends, however, we did develop an unspoken bond and mutual respect where we just had to look at each other to know what the other thought about a certain situation.

However, this bond turned out to be useless when I made the biggest mistake of my career. Yes, I am talking about the purchase of the Min Industries shares, the ones that put me in this goddamn mess in the first place.

I vaguely remember Tae Hyung telling me about the deal he had with Yoon Gi one of the nights we worked overtime at the office, but not the details. In fact, on second thought, I'm sure he never told me anything. I would have remembered!

When the purchase opportunity came up I did a very detailed research for almost 3 months and I didn't find a single link that could harm Vante. I met with different shareholders of our company, then with our lawyers and finally with the interested parties. It was an incredible opportunity and I made the decision to take a risk without communicating to Tae Hyung. I had never consulted him before, so I wouldn’t start now, right? Well, that was my thought, and what a wrong thought it was. If I could go back in time, I would.

At the emergency meeting when I heard him say that Vante was undergoing devaluation thanks to my decision, my heart stopped for a few seconds, the air escaped from my lungs and I started to freak out internally, looking for all possible mistakes that I could have committed. The louder his voice got, the more embarrassed I became and wanted to shout back explaining that I had done nothing wrong, that the purchase was legitimate and that there was no reason for devaluation. I was being humiliated for simply doing my job. The audacity of this guy!

I took a deep breath, stood up, projected my notes, explained everything in as much detail as possible, and found comfort in knowing that I had done everything right. There were no mistakes. I don't make mistakes. Well, that wasn’t true anymore I guess.

When everyone left the room and Tae Hyung and I were alone, I confronted him asking how he loves to exaggerate things. To my not-so-great surprise, he called me irresponsible. Okay, he didn't exactly use that word, but he did tell me something about not knowing how to follow rules and who doesn't follow rules is either irresponsible or stupid. I looked at him feeling a little hurt because I knew he knew me better than that — I was the complete opposite of irresponsible. Instead, I replied that I loved my job and that he paid me well for it, which is true, after all, I am very good at what I do and it gives me immense satisfaction when I manage to improve people's lives with my acquisitions, even if indirectly.

Tae Hyung got distracted for a few seconds so I took the papers he was holding. As soon as I quickly scanned the content, my argument fell apart and all the confidence I had in my work immediately left my body. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Lots of confidential information, things I should know but didn't know thanks to Tae Hyung who chose to keep it from me. Was he becoming like his father? What else had he agreed with Min Industries? And what about other companies? Was he making decisions behind my back?

I suddenly felt sick because all of this could have been avoided if he had opened up to me, explained the details. I wouldn't tell anyone whatever his secret about Yoon Gi is, it was probably not even that relevant. If I had seen these projections before, I would not have bought the shares, obviously. I could only think: you’re such a dumbass, Y/N!

It was exactly during my desperate fit while gathering all my belongings scattered around the meeting room, feeling desperate to leave, that Tae Hyung said one of the most painful things I have ever heard coming out of his mouth, ‘Where is my trust in you now?’

I would rather have been stabbed, it would actually hurt less.

Maybe it was the way he said it or the fact that it was the last straw in a hopeless scenario, but with that question, I felt free. I wasn't going to pretend anymore. I was so tired of playing his games, trying to understand his obsession with rules, sympathizing with his family problems, giving my blood, sweat, and tears for this company, basically being his work wife, giving up personal quality time with my family using the pretext that I was working harder to provide or to put aside any possibility of personal life that I had because deep down I hoped that he would finally see me as someone worthy, someone on the same level as him.

But I wasn’t.

I was never going to be.

So I said that I quitted and left the room, without waiting for a reaction or reply. I didn't want to hear anymore. Yes, I had an important position, yes I had become a shareholder in less than five years, yes I made a lot of money and helped my family, but at what cost?

All of this, all this effort, for him to question my trust? My loyalty to Vante? To him? I was a fool to believe that I really knew Tae Hyung. Even more for assuming that he knew me too. Ten years right down the drain because of a stupid mistake. Or was it really that stupid? It was looking more like a blessing in disguise because that was what allowed me to put myself first.

Arriving at the lobby, I was feeling too upset to be confined in a metal box and decided to choose the good old emergency staircase. She was my companion in so many difficult and challenging times. Personal and professional. She heard me cry and scream. Saw me jump and celebrate. It couldn't be any different now, right? And maybe it was my last time taking advantage of its magical powers.

It didn't take long to hear Tae Hyung's voice calling me and then coming up right behind me. I've never been so angry and hurt in my life and I didn't want to see him. I needed space, was that so hard for him to understand?

He kept following me, begging for my attention and justifying what, at that moment, seemed unjustifiable to me. I wanted some time to think, to breathe, to do anything that didn't have to do with him or Vante. But then he touched me and the warmth of his skin brought me back to reality.

This could not be happening. Focus!

He kept insisting that it was all my fault and I was about to start screaming. Tae Hyung didn't hear me, didn't see me, didn't understand me. It was suffocating. He even dared to say that I loved Vante.

I loved something else, lots of other things to be honest, but he never cared enough to know what they were. Vante was waaaay down on my love list. This was just the place I worked, my God.

That's why when Tae Hyung told me he needed me there and I made it clear that he didn't need me for anything. He never did. I'm good at what I do, but he's just as good. He hired me to share the responsibilities and make more time for the other activities required for a CEO. Including those that could very well be illegal, right? Who knows...

No matter what arguments or fights he tried to start, or how blind he was, my tiredness was not going to be magically cured, my mental exhaustion wiped out forever and my feeling of non-belonging resolved. I seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thought somehow it could be different, but there are things in life that are not meant to be. I couldn't force an end result just because I wanted to. This wasn’t how a relationship worked.

So I asked him not to follow me anymore, I wanted to get off that fucking emergency staircase. I felt like I was going to be sick again, my blood pressure was low and I needed air. I’m done. A place that was special to me now has been polluted with this presumptuous little scene of him all smug telling me what I should or shouldn't do, wanting to label my feelings, not taking my resignation seriously, and demanding that I return the next day.

Fucking men.⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

08. hanging by a thread | reliability • kth

previous | index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 2.909 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: tae is conflicted between following yoongi's advice and respecting Y/N decision to move on with another man. which one will he choose?

A/N: definitely one of my favorite chapters :’) with the story nearing its end, i had to continue the build up and create a curve that would lead to the apex (which will come in chapter 9). hope you like it!!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“I guess I should probably go…” was the first thing Y/N said after a few minutes of complete silence. I was leaning against the tv wall with my forehead pressed against the cold marble and eyes tightly shut. I knew she was starting to get uncomfortable and I desperately wanted to say something to make the situation less uncomfortable. Oh well.

“Are you coming back to Vante?” I asked slightly banging my head to make the imminent headache that was beginning to form go the fuck away.

“No, why?” she quickly replied, sounding genuinely confused.

I immediately turned around, “But I apologized”

“You’re missing the point — again” Y/N said annoyed, “It’s not about that. It’s about what’s best for me right now”

“Running away, you mean?” I crossed my arms and took a few steps closer to her.

“Choosing” she got up from the couch with her purse already hanging from her shoulder, ready to leave. “For the first time in a long time, this is something I chose, for myself. Not for you, not for my family, not for anybody”

I think she has a point. After how honest she was today, I can only accept that she no longer wants to work with me, let alone have me in her life, but it's hard. I never thought we would reach this point. Although she didn't consider us friends, I feel like I'm losing one and it’s the weirdest feeling ever. I don't even know what I can possibly say to reverse this situation and make sure that at least we keep in touch from time to time, like college buddies I guess. 

Jesus, this is so lame. I don’t know if I can do it.

The crazy part is that, for a millisecond, I saw something sad in her eyes. Like she didn't want to go away or maybe she regretted this decision. Unfortunately, I can't hang my hopes on a hunch. I shouldn’t have hopes in the first place, she made that very clear tonight.

“I’ll have your paperwork ready by monday morning. Can you swing by the office?”

“Yes, thank you!”

The relief tone she used stung.

“I’m gonna go now” Y/N announced and I moved out of the way taking a couple steps back to let her through.

“I’ll walk you out”

“Don’t worry about it” she gave me a faint smile, “I know the way”

I feel a mixture of contempt, sadness, and shame. She doesn't even wanna be close to me. It's like I don't know her anymore, I'm shocked. I can't even accompany her for the last time, say a proper goodbye. Would I ever see her again?

Before she reached the front door I decided to turn my back so I wouldn't have the image of her leaving engraved in my brain forever. If I didn’t see it then it didn’t happen, it’s not real, she didn’t leave for good, just temporarily.

Entering my bedroom, I grabbed my phone lying on the bed and texted Yoon Gi.

kim taehyung | 11:23pm: she’s gone gone  min yoongi | 11:25pm: what? kim taehyung | 11:25pm: y/n. she left for real this time min yoongi | 11:26pm: why? kim taehyung | 11:29pm: she’s getting married

As soon as I pressed send I knew it would get a reaction out of him and I laughed out loud when my phone rang announcing his call coming through.

“What the fuck?” Yoon Gi bluntly started.

“Yes” I chuckled.

“You’re kidding right?”

I moved up the bed and laid down, propping one of my arms behind my head, “Wish I was”

“Hold on. How is she getting married? To whom? Was she even dating?”

“To some English guy named Eric”

“English?” he sounded disgusted.

“Well, he’s half Korean. His parents moved to England before he was born” I stared at the ceiling recalling the time when I first found this out.

“How do you know that?” Yoon Gi asked like he read my mind.

“Google”

“Taehyung…”

He will think I’m crazy.

“Fine, a private investigator”

“Just because she is marrying him?”

See? Crazy people behavior alert.

“God no, I’m not a psycho” I explained, “I had him check out the first time he appeared, a few years ago. He’s Y/N college boyfriend”

“So you know him”

“No. Technically they met at the MBA program in London not in college but it was around the same time we graduated so who cares…Anyway, one day he showed up at the office to pick her up and she introduced him as her boyfriend”

I remember like it was yesterday, dark hair, bangs almost on his eyes, a kind smile. A full-on goody-goody. Too perfect to be real, raising the biggest red flag on my book of weirdos.

“I thought it was very strange she hadn’t mentioned a boyfriend before so I had him check out just to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer or something, you know?” I continued.

“And at that moment you didn’t realize you had feelings for her?” the way Yoon Gi asked the question I knew he was furring his eyebrows behind the phone.

“What?”

“Please, who does that? You actually paid a guy to look into another guy because of a girl. A girl that was just your employee, by the way. Don’t you think it screams ‘I’m-in-love-with-you-and-incredibly-jealous-of-this-relationship-you-suddenly-have’?”

“Now I do,” I scratched my head and sat up, “at the time I thought I was just being nice and looking out for a female employee. You know how many weirdos exist these days”

“Right…”

I let out a loud sight and got out of bed. Yoon Gi was doubting my intentions and, even though I was unconsciously already interested in Y/N at the time, what I did was perfectly okay. I didn’t do it because I was jealous nor was I trying to sabotage their relationship.

“Did you at least confess your feelings?” he asked.

I paced around the room a little bit before answering, “Not exactly”

“What do you mean not exactly? Either you did or you didn’t”

“We kinda argued about some stuff, then acknowledged we had sexual tension and next thing I knew she was telling me how ever since college she wanted to be my friend or even more”

“Yah!!!!” Yoon Gi yelled, making me almost drop my phone.

“What, what?”

“If I was next to you right now I’d punch you in the face”

“Why?” I asked, kneeling in front of the bed and putting my phone on speaker. Yoon Gi knew how to be scary sometimes.

“I can’t believe she said this and you didn’t confess” he grunted, “That was your cue! What’s wrong with you?” I could hear the non-existent facepalm from miles away. He was disappointed in me, I knew it. Bet he’s thinking how our conversation at the pub didn’t mean shit for me, but it did.

“I apologized though” I paused to get a reaction, staring at the phone. “Wholeheartedly!” I added.

Sometimes I felt like a little boy asking his father's approval. I never did that with mine but I found myself doing it with Yoon Gi every now and then. I always wanted to be cool in his eyes.

“Okay, that’s actually good”

I silently mouthed a thank you and fixed my posture to sit cross-legged in front of my phone to talk to Yoon Gi as if he was on my bed.

“Yeah, but then as I was gathering the courage, trying to find a way to approach the subject she was like since you wanna know about my personal life, I’m engaged, how’s that for personal? and I was just standing there like are you serious?”

I may have mimicked her voice and my voice for theatrical purposes, which made Yoon Gi laugh. He could be so annoying sometimes, I swear. 

“Why you laughing?”

“I’m imagining the look on your face”

“Thanks”

“Go on…” he said, obviously trying to hold his laugh.

“That was basically it. She said it was her choice and I pondered a little bit before agreeing and saying I would have her resignation papers drafted and ready by monday morning”

“Wait, so she’s not coming back?” Yoon Gi’s tone went back to serious.

“Oh yeah, no" I shrugged.

“Wow, you’re fucked” he clicked his teeth.

“Yup” I agreed, infatuating the ‘p’.

“Personally and professionally” he reiterated.

“Big time”

“I don’t know what to say to you right now”

“I was counting on your advice, to be honest” I tittered.

“Now that you thought about your feelings and is sure about them, you have to tell her”

“Yoongi,” I got up and started gesticulating towards the phone as if he could see me, “she’s getting married!”

Did I not tell the story right? Was he not following along?

“She’s not married yet”

He got me there. If we are going to stick to technical terms, I guess Yoon Gi is right.

“On monday morning, when she stops by to get the papers, just tell her” he suggested.

I don't know, there is something about not respecting the boundaries she imposed half an hour ago that doesn't sit right with me. On the other hand, what made me equally uneasy was how sad she seemed when she left.

“It won’t make any difference” I scoffed, sitting down next to the phone and biting my thumb nail.

“You don’t know that” Yoon Gi reprimanded me.

“I don’t think she’ll like it very much” I shook my head nervously.

Come to think of it, she has been sad ever since our talk in the emergency staircase.

“You don’t know that either” he pointed out.

“Isn’t it just rude? I know she’s with another guy and she made it very clear tonight that she doesn’t want to be in any form of relationship with me. She didn’t even let me walk her out!”

“Stop making excuses for yourself and decisions for her. Just tell her. You’ll feel better, I promise”

“Doubtful” I said, face between my hands, the sound coming off a little bit muffled. I don’t know if Yoon Gi heard me or not. He’s right, I know he is, but I just can’t do it. She’ll just start to hate me and if there’s one thing I’m not willing to lose is her respect.

“Listen to me, don’t listen to me, I don’t care. You know I don’t care” he said, “All I know is that you guys would’ve been great together and you’ll definitely regret it not even trying”

“Damn” I looked at the phone.

“What?” he chuckled, “Too harsh?”

“Not more than usual”

That made me smile. Yoon Gi has always been the type of friend who said what needed to be said instead of what you would like to hear. At the beginning of our friendship, I misunderstood his advice for personal criticism especially tailored to hurt my ego. As I got to know him better, I learned his sincerity was a gift and was always accompanied by the best intentions. He really cared. Not about if I liked or not or what I was going to do per se, but how much I was going to let the problem affect me. 

Yoon Gi is an empathic guy, although he doesn't seem like it at first. He is always thinking about how to help other people feel better and I am very grateful to have him in my life. He knows that even if I don't take the majority of his advice, I have too much respect for him to not at least consider what he has to say.

“I was going for painful” he jokes.

“I appreciate you” I smile again.

“I know you do”

“Talk to you soon”

“Bye!”

After ending the call, I had a lot to think about. I needed a plan to talk to Y/N on monday, I couldn't just confess my feelings out of the blue. It's late and I'm too tired. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

******

As soon as I turn left on the street, I can see my house and relief runs through my body. I can't wait to take a shower and sleep! Airplanes are so uncomfortable. But wait, the lights are on.

After parking, I climb the short flight of stairs that connects the garage to the main house and go out into the corridor, instantly being greeted by the delicious smell of something being baked.

“Hi, I’m back!” I say in a sing-song voice, taking off my shoes.

“In the kitchen” a female voice shouts.

Heading in the direction of the voice, and thinking about what I'm probably going to eat, I walk into Y/N separating some ingredients on the island and picking up the mixer.

“What are you doing?” I ask confused.

“Baking a cake?” she replies with a ‘duh’ expression.

I didn't know Y/N liked to cook, I'm quite shocked she is here. How did she get in? I don't remember giving her the keys.

“Okay, and since when do you bake?” I teased taking off my jacket and throwing it on the couch.

She looked up, pointing the spatula at me, “Since the man that I love decided he didn’t want a birthday party”

I smiled and she continued preparing what I gathered was the frosting. I'll never get sick of hearing her say those words. It gives me goosebumps and fills my chest with the warmest, most amazing feeling.

“It’s not that big of a deal” I shrugged.

It really wasn't. I don't care much about my birthday. I used to when I was younger. Once I rented a yacht for the weekend, another time I took my friends to Greece, another year I went to Vegas with Yoon Gi. It's funny to see how priorities change over time because these things sound so trivial right now and don't appeal to me anymore. I did it for fun, not because the fact that I was born was an important event. It was just a date on the calendar where I was allowed to go crazy.

Y/N, however, didn’t see it that way.

“To me it is!”

Inside the bowl in front of her was this beautiful, soft-looking white mixture that made my mouth water and I quickly reached my hand to scoop a little bit.

“This looks good, can I have a tas—” I was interrupted with a slap on my hand.

“No!”

“Ouch” I laugh.

“I’m not done yet” she laughs too and I roll my eyes. Just a tiny bit wouldn’t make a difference, she knows that! Looks so tasty.

“If you behave, I have a surprise set up for you later” she smirked.

“Oh really?” I hugged her from behind, putting my hands on her stomach and leaving a kiss on her cheek. She hummed in response and kept smiling while stirring the mix.

“Can’t wait” I whispered in her ear before kissing her naked shoulder, which unfortunately wasn’t for long thanks to a stupid alarm that started ringing nonstop.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?” Y/N asked me and I shook my head in the crook of her neck. “Tae!” she laughs, “Your phone is ringing”

All of a sudden I feel sad for some reason, “I wanna stay here with you”

Y/N immediately stops stirring the mix and turns around to face me, displaying the most loving look in her eyes as she smiles and hugs me, “But baby, I’m not going anywhere”

And just as seamless it started, seamlessly it ended. When I turned around to pick up my phone and answer it, I suddenly found myself in another place, now totally dark and Y/N was nowhere near. This is actually my bedroom, 4:12 am. It was all a dream.

I sat on the bed, took a few deep breaths, ran my hands over my face and hair, forcing myself to get back to reality and fully wake up from the best and most realistic dream I’ve ever had. It was like a taste of what my life could have been with Y/N if only I had realized my feelings sooner. I hate myself for wasting so much time and energy fighting and suppressing it.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to remember every detail of her face as she smiled at me. I don't think I have ever gotten this close in real life and wonder how I managed to visualize those beautiful eyes so clearly. Especially the way they formed wrinkles on top of her cheekbones when she smiled and the way her lips practically begged to be kissed.

She seemed so happy with me. And she was baking a cake, for God’s sake. I don’t even like cake that much and yet she made them look like the best creation mankind came up with. Who knew a dream could leave you this worked up. No, stop! I have to remind myself that it isn’t real. She’s not mine, she’s marrying somebody else.

She’s not married yet.

Yoon Gi's voice pops up in my head and that statement is the only thing I can think of as I lie down again and try to go back to sleep. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until monday to talk to her. I can’t hold it in anymore.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

Me too.. too blind to see.. ahh... wt will happen...

the real question i wanna know is: what do you think will happen? 😏 i feel a plot twist coming soon though

WHAT !!!WHY... he just realized it.. a little late

well, in ofc’s mind it wasn’t a little and she felt like she needed to move on. the things is though: is tae gonna do something to change her mind? is he ready to tell her how he feels?

dear soulmate • knj one shot

summary: once a year, the system assigns soulmates according to the sincerity of their submission letters. ready to have your lives completely changed, namjoon and you sign up for the program, receiving on the first week of january the highly anticipated green envelope with each other's message

rating: pg warnings: none word count: 3.614 pairing: namjoon x reader genre: romance, fluff tags: soulmate!au, strangers to lovers additional tags: idol!namjoon, soulmate!namjoon

☆ disclaimer: this is a work of fiction taken from the depths of my imagination, which takes place in an alternative universe (AU) and has no real connection with people, places or organizations. everything you will read is fictional and created by me. i do not authorize its reproduction, translation or publication, partially or entirely © mrsparknamjoon

As soon as Namjoon received your letter, it was difficult for him to control the emotion and stop his hands from shaking. He could barely pull the emerald green envelope out of the mailbox. The package itself was unmistakable and everyone knew that soulmate mail arrived in the first week of January.

Taking a deep breath twice, the boy dried his now slightly sweaty hands on his jeans and stuffed one into the metal box with the number 1902 plastered on the front. Oh, that was really exciting! Namjoon couldn’t believe his eyes. Contrasting the green paper were the golden letters in a cursive font as if someone had written with liquid gold and a quill. Okay, maybe not an actual quill, but the poor boy was finding it all very fascinating and somewhat magical.

Holding the envelope close to his chest as if it were a newborn child who demanded the utmost care and protection, Kim Namjoon, the Korean idol and leader of the most successful group in the music industry, entered the elevator and violently pressed the number 19.

As it began ascending he repeated impatiently “Up! Up! Up!” and stared at the display above the door wishing that damn elevator was faster. "Come on!!!"

Ding.

"We’re stopping? No! No stopping!” said Namjoon exasperated while still holding the envelope as tight as he could.

"Good morning, Mr. Kim!”

“Good morning, Mrs. Lee!” the boy replied with a smile on his face as soon as the neighbor entered. After two seconds the dimples disappeared and he pressed even harder the button on the panel in front of him that closed the doors.

“Ah ... special delivery, I see. I'm sorry to disturb you, dear” said the nice old lady.

Namjoon was embarrassed. "You didn't disturb me, I'm just a little anxious" he confessed.

"It's normal. Enjoy every second, it happens only once in your life” Mrs. Lee replied with a sincere smile that turned her eyes into two crescent moons. "I remember like it was yesterday when I received mine..."

Before Namjoon could ask more about Mrs. Lee's soulmate, the elevator doors opened on his floor.

“I have to go, Mrs. Lee, but I'd love to hear about it one day” he said, scratching the back of his head a bit flustered.

“It will be a pleasure, Mr. Kim” said the neighbor, waving as the doors closed once more.

Namjoon walked in a hurry to the end of the corridor, stopping in front of his apartment door. This wasn't the dorm he shared with the boys, but his own place where he spent a few days a week, when their schedule allowed, and most of his days off. It was minimalist but cozy. Several paintings and sculptures scattered throughout the rooms. It was the perfect place to disconnect from the world and relax, and it was obviously secluded and quiet enough for him to read the most important piece of paper of his life with no interruptions.

When he finally found his keys, they slipped from his hand and dropped to the floor. Poor Joon, the level of nervousness had exceeded any acceptable limit and he was beginning to wonder if he would be able to read the whole letter or if he was going to pass out while on the first line. He was glad it arrived today, when he was here, imagine if the package had been in the mailbox for weeks? That is something the boy would never have forgiven himself for.

The beginning of the year was always hectic for the group since they had several international commitments and rarely stayed in Korea, but alas, this year things were different. The comeback was scheduled for May and the press tour in the United States was in early June. Isn't it funny how the universe works sometimes?

After successfully entering his home without dropping anything else, Namjoon took off his sneakers in the foyer as fast as he could and ran to the sofa, settling himself comfortably with a pillow in his lap to support the much-desired emerald envelope. He had turned in his letter about 4 months ago and the wait became agonizing as January approached. In the last week of December, he was barely able to concentrate on the interviews and had to make an absurd amount of effort to hide what was happening. Lucky for him, the rest of the group was very understanding and helped by answering most questions.

Speaking of questions, Namjoon repeated a few in his head while looking at the envelope in front of him:

Who is my soulmate? When will we meet? Has she read my letter yet? Or worse, did she like it?

Rather than simply opening the damn package as he had imagined so vividly for many nights, Namjoon simply froze. He felt the huge responsibility fall on his shoulders with a sudden weight. New doubts began swirling in his mind.

Was it a good idea? Will I be able to do this? What if it doesn't work out? Will I spend the rest of my life alone?             

"Breathe, Joon ... just breathe" he said to himself, closing his eyes and resting his hands on top of the envelope.

After a few seconds, he felt ready to start, and with his eyes closed, he began to tear one end of the envelope calmly and precisely. When the paper strip was free and in his right hand, Namjoon opened cautiously one eye and glanced at the object in his lap as if it was a ticking bomb.

"This is ridiculous" he said, opening his other eye realizing how pathetic he probably looked right now.

The boy then proceeded to pull a stack of neatly folded papers out of the envelope where the first of them said:

Dear soulmate,

I don't really know where to start. I postponed writing this letter for a long time and I'm sorry if it’s not to your liking or doesn't help at all, but that's me. Confused with life, with my feelings... with everything. I've been working on myself a lot and I hope you are patient.

I don’t know when you will receive this letter, or better yet, the time between my writing and it finally reaching your hands. We’re not supposed to say specific dates but there are only a few days left until my 29th birthday. Are you older than me? Younger? Will you care about my age? Probably not. It doesn't matter anyway, we are destined.

I should start by saying that…

What should I say?

What’s one interesting thing about me? Let's see …

Nothing terribly unique and extraordinary. I’m not extraordinary, but I would love to live extraordinary moments. Can you help me with that? And I don’t mean big moments in terms of proportion or even romantic gestures, I’m not that ambitious, only amazing memories that cannot be replicated by anyone other than the two of us.

Is it too much to ask?

Are you up for it?

I love being alive. Yeah, you should know that, it's a big part of who I am. The only problem is that I haven't been feeling myself for the past few years and excuse me for being so upfront about it. Although many good things have happened, I feel like something is missing, something I can't quite put my finger on. It's a void within me that, on most nights, I can ignore or supply in another way. But there are times when it comes in full force and kind of disables me.

Lying in bed at night, tears come silently and blur my view. Involuntarily I start to dry them out with the back of my hand but they persist and run down my cheeks towards the pillow. I change positions, close my eyes, try to focus on my heartbeat, thinking 'hey, you're alive, it's going to be okay' but my breath hitches, the sobs build up inside me, and I can’t do anything about it other than just feel. It's an out of body experience where I find myself in pure despair and anguish. So I stay like that for hours until tiredness wins and delivers me to sleep.

Why did I tell you all this? Maybe I should erase it…

No, I’ll keep it.

You need to know what you're 'getting into'.

By the way, I want to make it very clear that I don't need to be saved from anything. Much less from myself. I don't want you to fix me. I don't expect you to bring solutions to my inner struggles. It would be great though if you gave me an opening so that I could enter your life, get to know you, learn about all your virtues and defects, share your crazy things (you must have it! Everyone does), and love you in my weird way.

And I say ‘weird’ because I don't think I express love like everyone else does. At first, I thought I wasn’t capable of love, for real. Then I realized that I was but I loved the wrong people. In the end, I had an epiphany: I had so much love inside of me that I went around giving it all out, even to those who didn't deserve it. I desperately wanted to be loved back, at any cost, by anyone really, because maybe that person was the person who would prove me wrong like: yes, I am lovable.

Today, of course, I don't need that anymore. I know that I am lovable because I love myself a lot and it’s freaking great. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have so many qualities too, by the way, but I think it would be presumptuous to quote them all here. I would like to introduce you to each of them in person for what I hope to be the rest of our lives so I can't wait to meet you.

I promise to listen to you, support you, encourage you, and always think about your mental well-being. I promise to be a real partner, whom you can really rely and count on. I probably won’t understand your past, your insecurities, or your fears but I'll give my all to make our bond stronger every day and I'll show myself worthy of your trust. I'll put myself in your shoes and fight for what you believe too. We’ll be a team!

I don't know if this letter had any effect on you but honestly, I feel better now that I finished writing it. Apparently, you've already started helping me without even knowing me. Thank you!

With gratitude, Your soulmate.

Namjoon was speechless, his lips slightly parted and totally dry, his heart beating so fast and hard that he could feel the pounding in his ears. What he just read was undoubtedly the most genuine expression of feelings, and that says a lot because he had been surrounded for the past ten years by musicians, composers, and artists, people whose work depended directly on expression. He already felt like a lucky guy because of all the people in the world his soulmate was a true good person and equally interested in embarking on this journey with him.

 -----------------------------

 January 7th, the day your life changed forever.

It was a rainy Thursday and you were lying in bed looking out your window, analyzing the droplets forming one by one on the glass, and wondering if it was too early to go down and check the mailbox. A glance at the clock on the bedside table confirmed: 5:12 was, in fact, obscenely early and the postman most likely is not even awake.

As hard as you tried it was very difficult not to think how meaningful it was to receive the green envelope because not everyone had this opportunity throughout their lives. To become fit for the process it was necessary to:

1. Be born with the mark 2. Be over 25 years old 3. Write an honest letter

Among those who were not born with the mark, the reasons varied between 'your soulmate would not incarnate in the same timeframe as you in this life', 'this was yours and your soulmate's first life together and you should meet in order to form the bond' or 'unknown reason'. The unknown reason was a problem because there weren’t many studies on the subject and people within that category tended to think it was like a punishment, but for what exactly, they didn't know and maybe never would.

Fortunately, you fit the three requirements perfectly and a few days before your 29th birthday, you gathered your courage and sent the most honest letter you could write after two and a half glasses of wine. This was an important step because letters that did not contain pure feelings were automatically discarded by the system. The selection was purely based on energy, like a magnet. Those that emanated sincerity were "attracted" and those that were not, discarded right away. It was a way for the system to keep itself free of fraud and just pair the interested, committed, and ready soulmates.

What happens to the discarded letters? Well, from what you heard about your cousin who worked at the government headquarters, the sender receives a notice with a new delivery date for the letter. In total, three chances were given. Whoever failed in all three could only have a new opportunity to find their soulmate in the next life — which is horrible for the other person, isn't it? If she or he did the process correctly it should be all right, but like any relationship, this was a two-way street and required commitment from both sides. It didn't happen very often, but it was still frustrating to receive the red envelope basically saying “next time, ‘kay?”.

It is possible to live and love another person throughout life. Finding your soulmate isn't mandatory, but most people yearned for this deep connection and one of the reasons why the system has worked so well for hundreds of years. It was unlike anything else, totally addictive!

After submitting the letter, you felt as if a weight had been lifted from you, but a twinge of concern remained in the back of your mind. How long did your soulmate wait for the envelope to be delivered? Just imagining that he could have spent more than one January waiting makes your heart sink — but you pushed those thoughts away as fast as they arrived because now was not the time for distractions!

When you finally got up at 5:50 after turning over in bed like a pancake you went straight to the bathroom and drew a bath with all the oils and essences you were entitled to. Even some candles you lit! Today would start on the right foot, yes sir.

While preparing breakfast, you hit play on your favorite playlist to set the mood properly and also keep you distracted. Checking the mailbox at ten seemed like a reasonable decision, you reflected as you set up the coffee machine, neither too early nor too late. Surely by then, the long-waited green envelope would have been pristinely placed in the box hanging at the gate of your house.

Time seemed to be moving in slow motion and there was nothing you could do to deflect your thoughts about being in imminent proximity to your soulmate. Okay, it was just a piece of paper and not actually him, but you couldn't help feeling anxious and slightly excited either way. Trying to work amid this anxiety was useless, however, something inside told you it would be okay and, for now, it was enough. 

“Focus, focus, focus!” you repeated, closing your eyes tightly.

The second the alarm on your phone rang indicating it was ten in the morning, your heart almost went out through your mouth. 

“This is it. It’s happening!” you took a deep breath, standing up in front of the sofa and, after a few seconds adjusting your hair and clothes, went to the front door, towards your future.

The distance between the door and the mailbox could not be more than 10 steps, but at that very moment, it seemed like 10 miles. Curiosity was practically excruciating, it bubbled up inside you and was about to spill out. When your hand lowered the lid, your eyes could immediately see the most beautiful shade of green that ever existed and which also perfectly symbolized the moment: new beginnings. You reached the package with your fingertips and then pulled it towards you in one swift motion, holding it in both hands, staring with teary eyes the golden letters displaying your name very brightly. Thank God the rain stopped, you wanted to keep the envelope forever and any drop of water near it would be absolutely disastrous.

Now sitting at the dining table and using a paper-knife, you carefully cut one side of the envelope and pulled a surprising amount of paper out of it. All of them are properly aligned and folded in a single stash. The first page made your heart skip a beat as it said:

Dear soulmate,

I look forward to meeting you. It's a shame we can't describe ourselves in the letters, I would love to imagine you by my side. Not that I care about physical appearance, it's not that, it's simply easier to imagine the moments we will spend together. I'm not trying to trick you, I promise!

What I do for a living is different and I am scared that you might not receive it very well. I mean... I'm afraid of what it can do to your life to the point where you'll end up resenting me in the future. The thing is: I love what I do but I would be devastated if it resulted in something negative for you.

I'm sorry, I'm anxious.

I have a bit of experience with writing and different ways of showing my feelings, but this letter is probably one of the pieces that I had the most difficulty composing. Am I allowed to say that? Anyway, please know that I'll always prioritize our communication, telling you about my day, which makes me feel good, what upsets me and how I'm feeling. I won't hide anything from you, I don't want to.

I wonder if you like to talk. I love it. Do you like to read too? I already have a list of books I want to pick your brain about. In general, I’m a pretty reserved guy, who reflects a lot about the meaning of life — is that too weird? I don’t think so. It would be too cruel for us to be predestined without having anything in common, right? I can’t wait to have intense conversations over breakfast about the most random stuff. I’m a fun person, I swear!

As I write this letter, I am sitting on the balcony of my apartment, it's night and I can see thousands of lights on the horizon giving life to the city. Are you there? Do you think of me? In the last few years I didn't have much time to think about you, I must say, but a few months ago I started to feel this emptiness inside my heart. As if something is missing. Anything nice that happened over that period of time I would get excited, of course, but it wasn't 100% genuine because there was still this voice in the back of my head telling me: more.

I decided to accept that, yes, I want more. I already have a lot and admittedly it would be very selfish of me to wish even further, but to what extent should I sacrifice myself? How long do I ignore these deep feelings? I see my friends with their soulmates and I think that's what I need — someone to fill that void. But not filling it out in terms of "if I don't have it my life is meaningless or it will end" but rather like "a deep connection like this can add and intensify life" and I love living. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and accomplished... I just need.... someone to share it all with.

I hope you are an understanding, intelligent, and patient person. There are many things that I don't know and need to learn, but I’m always so ashamed of asking for help. Who knows? Perhaps by your side, I’ll give up my insecurities and let myself be taught? I think I'm ready! Are you?

Ah, before I forget, no matter what, you're going to have a friend in me. A true, sincere, fair, and caring confidant. And if you allow me, I'll lead both of our lives in a confident, relaxed, and stimulating way. We will walk side by side, always.

Well, that was all I had to say.

See you soon!

With love, Your soulmate.

You cried and laughed simultaneously while reading and rereading the letter at least five times. It was absurdly surreal what was going on. You felt like the center of attention for the first time in your life. You were desired. Expected. A completely new and overwhelming sensation that permeated every cell in your body. Your soulmate hasn't even touched you yet and the goosebumps on your skin are already visible. Not to mention that right off the bat he seemed adorable. The way he spoke was as if he already knew you, already understood how your mind works. Cautious, polite, and funny — that was your soulmate. What a lucky girl you are, huh?

When will the nxt part comes..

oh hey anon! do you mean for reliability? i have two chapters coming up later in the week. thanks following along, i appreciate you ^_^