As Much As I Love OG Anime Masaya, He Always Felt Too... Perfect? You Know What I Meant? Great At Sports,

As much as I love OG Anime Masaya, he always felt too... perfect? You know what I meant? Great at sports, great at school, etc. But even though Manga Masaya is like that too, there was something else I liked about him and I just realized why:

THAT BOY IS DENSE

Seriously, take one look at this boy:

Does this look like a boy intelligent enough to figure out that his girlfriend is a catgirl superhero? No. This is a beautiful dumbass of a boy, and he deserves his blissful ignorance.

Really, he is at his peak when the story allows his natural dense nature to appear.

Exhibit A: Masaya with a handkerchief:

Exhibit B: Masaya's idea of a perfect date

Exhibit C: Masaya's rationale for Ichigo's behaviour

Exhibit D: Masaya vibing with the other Mews' weird quirks

Exhibit E: Masaya vs Cat!Ichigo

Good lord, even Not-the-Brightest-Bulb Ichigo knows how clueless he is:

Ladies and gentleman, this man right here is an all-powerful evil dictator who could absolutely wipe out Earth!

It's Halloween, so please make sure you're practicing safe sacrificing! Pick a rose from forests where a mysterious faerie lives! Pay your taxes to hell! Pull your true loves off white horses! Turn into various animals and flames while being held!

Considering that Mike Newton falling for Bella managed to get him hated by both vampires and werewolves, I now require a spin-off series about him living normally...

Except that he always falls for the person already taken by the supernatural entity.

Literally, I just want a sitcom of Mike narrowly avoiding death by jealous pissed-off zombies, faeries, merfolk, angels, demons, kraken, etc.

And the one person that manages to fall for him is a supernatural being pissed-off by the fact that they a) have to keep this stupid human alive to b) get him to notice them.

Ah, Mike, you're not escaping your bad luck so easily...

Midnight Sun Drinking Game

Every time Eddie thinks about killing, maiming, or general negative thoughts against poor Mike Newton

...That’s it. That’s literally all you need to get blackout drunk.

I resolve one day to write the strangest Tam Lin retelling this world has ever seen

Which is because a) I have an idea for it and b) the competition is fierce and I intend to be the victor triumphing above the odds

What to do When You Find Yourself an Unwitting Acolyte 

You must discover which god you serve. Study any idols or religious art you see but do so in secret; if the others see you, they will find you either suspicious or impassioned and you will not like what results from either. 

Always leave before daily worship, this way your god will not know you are a part of its congregation and you will be safe. 

If you are unable to do so, keep your eyes down. Do not look when the air around you changes colour or when the ground starts to scream. Cover your eyes with a consecrated cloth and keep silent. 

Leave nothing of yours behind in the sanctuary. You do not know who or what may find it and grow curious. 

Be warned. Should your god find anything you have left behind, they may take it as an offering. This will please them. You do not want their favour. 

Do not invoke the name of your god. Do not let it learn your voice or hear your pleas, for once it knows that you pray to it, it will shelter you in the heat of its many compassionate hearts. 

Never go near the sanctuary property after nightfall. This is the time in which the gods confer and they may be in need of the services of an acolyte. 

The skulls in the tabernacle are only to be touched by the ecclesiastics. You mustn’t go near them. You have yet to learn how to block out their songs. 

Should you find yourself having been given the terrible honour of becoming one of those most high ranking of priests, you must remember to always wear your gloves. Direct contact with any divine body fragments may result in your immediate consecration.

Do not sing any hymns. Do not even let them teach you the words. Once you know them, they will crawl their way up your throat and shriek themselves to the heavens until your voice is left rasping and broken, and even then a whisper will do. 

Lie to yourself, even if just to keep your sanity. Tell yourself that you are beholden to no god and that you worship nothing. Ignore the way your cup refills on its own, the liquid shining gold and tempting. Ignore the jubilant songs that echo through your house, shaking the walls and wrapping your heart in a frenzy of devotion. Do not think on it. 

Your god loves you. Even as you avoid and reject them, they will always love you. And you will love them too. Eventually.