Harder To Breathe - Supernatural - Part 3

Harder to Breathe - Supernatural - Part 3

FIRST PERSON – DEAN

“…I worry about you,” were the last words of her message. I sighed, looking at my phone with a blank expression. I threw my phone across the room, angrily and heard it hit the wall. As soon as Alex had fallen asleep, Sam, Cas and I were out of there. I didn’t want to involve Alex in anything more. She wasn’t a part of this – and we had no right to be put into our situations.

Cas was lying on the motel bed next to me, still passed out. I sighed, standing up and walking around the room. I couldn’t bear to just sit there anymore. I had to do something. I called out to Sam, who was in the shower, that I was going for a run and left the motel.

-

We had been in this same motel for a couple of days now. Cas had been in and out of consciousness, but Sam and I thought we would stay here until Cas was okay to move around. It shouldn’t take too long – another day or two maybe. I hadn’t checked my phone, or its messages for days now but I was worried about the messages I had gotten from Alex.

It was dark, Sam was out and Cas was dead to the world. I picked up my phone from the bench it had been sitting on and played through the messages she had left for me.

“Dean,” she said, her voice firm. “Call me back before I call the cops, yeah?” she said.

The second message played. “Listen here, you dickwad,” she paused. “Call me back. Right now.”

The next three messages are just her angrily calling me names and cussing at me. It hurt me to think that I caused her such hurt. The sixth message was the most painful to listen to, though.

“Dean,” I could tell she was crying just by her saying my name. “Please, call me back,” she hiccupped. “I need to see you. You can’t be doing this to me again. I can’t not have you two in my life. I need you,” she stopped, but I could hear her cries. “Dean, please,” she paused. “I understand that you had to go away, I just need to hear your voice. I-I need to know that you’re okay. And Sam. I just – Sam told me it wasn’t my fault,” she was crying harder now. “H-he said that you didn’t blame me for what happened to Castiel – but I,” she swallowed. “I can’t think of anything else that’s happened that would make you not want to see or speak to me,” she didn’t understand. That was the final straw, I let my tears fall silently. I could hear her wipe her face and try and steady her voice. “It’s okay, though. I might need you, but – but, you don’t need me. And that’s okay. Don’t let me stop you from living your life and – and doing your job, you know, saving people,” she said. “So, goodbye Dean. I love you.”

The seventh message played. “Dean,” she said, she was slurring. She was drunk. Alex never drank. I’ve never seen her drunk before. “I think there’s someone in my house,” she was whispering, making it harder for me to understand her slurs. I frowned. “If – if I’m right, it’s a man,” she was trying to whisper, but she was that drunk that she was louder than she thought. She stopped talking and I heard a door hinge creaking. “Oh, shit,” I heard her say.

“That’s right, love. I’m your worst nightmare,” the oh-so familiar King of Hell’s voice said. The line went dead after that.

-

FIRST PERSON – ALEXA

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Crowley hissed at me, looking impatient. “Where are the Winchesters?”

“And I’ll tell you one more time, I don’t have a fucking clue,” I spat back at him. He sighed and walked closer to me.

“Does this hurt, Alexa?” he asked me, ramming his finger into one of the many wounds he had caused on my body. I grunted, gritting my teeth together in pain. My eyes squeezed closed as he pressed harder into the wound. I felt the blood pouring down the side of my stomach and I heard him laugh, loud and abrupt.

When he took a few steps back, I took a deep breath through my mouth. “My name is Alex,” I gritted out.

“I like Alexa better,” he grinned, wiping his hands clean. “Have her hosed down,” he said to two of the once-men standing at the back of the room. I sighed, this was the best thing that was going to happen to me for a few more days, so I may as well savour it. They got two hoses, one to hose down my back, and one for my front. This is the second time they’ve done this. I opened my mouth as the cool water started to spray over my skin.

I saw the blood drip down from my body, the fresh blood in my ripped clothes, somewhat coming out. When they stopped, my hair was soaking wet and I rolled my shoulders the best I could. He had me standing, my feet chained to the floor and my arms tied to a meat hook above my head. I let myself breath when they went away, leaving me by myself for a few minutes.

A demon came in soon, one I recognised from an earlier day. She had fed me and given me water. I didn’t know it was possible to meet a nice demon, but this one was. Her name was Meg. I let out a breath of relief when I recognised her. She smiled softly, but started to paint something on the ceiling with her own blood.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Sh,” she looked pointedly at me. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering where I had seen what she was drawing before. Probably something from Sam or Dean. I sighed, wondering if Dean had even gotten my message from the night I was taken. As soon as Meg got down and started walking away. She turned to face me. “I’m not here, I never was, neither is that, okay?” she asked. I didn’t know how to reply. “Okay?” she said, sharply.

“Okay,” I breathed out and when she got the corner that was hidden the most, and I could barely see her, she did something. And I heard the song Harder to Breathe play, loudly. Not even twenty seconds had passed and Crowley was standing in front of me, frowning at me.

“What is this?” he asked, his voice loud and angry. “Answer me!” he yelled in my face.

“I-I don’t know! I promise! I had nothing to do with this!” I said, acting innocent. I knew that he was in the circle that Meg had drawn, but I didn’t draw attention to it or even mention it, like Meg asked. I heard grunting and yelling, and before I knew it, Sam and Dean kicked the door open.

“Why you bloody…” he stopped in his tracks, like something stopping him from walking.

“Bit stuck there, Crowley?” Dean smirked. Crowley crossed his arms.

“Dean,” he said, nodding at him. “Sam,” Crowley said to him. Sam walked passed Crowley and to where I was. I was more than glad to see them. Sam helped me get out of the chains and carried me over to where Dean was standing. I was still wet from when Crowley’s ‘men’ had hosed me down.

“Come on, Moose! I took her fair and square! She was so… defenceless and alone. She kept wailing your names. I told her it was no use, but she kept on screaming for you two. Even when I had a full blade buried in her stomach, she didn’t cry, no, she kept screaming for you two sods,” I wiggled out of Sam’s firm hold and hobbled to the edge of the demon trap.

“You will never see me cry, Crowley,” I said, and turned around, walking back over to Sam. Sam held my hand and I squeezed it as tight as I could, letting him know that I was okay. I couldn’t help but notice the crazed look in Dean’s eyes that I knew meant that he wanted to kill Crowley, but he couldn’t.

We turned away from Crowley and walked out of the building. Outside, the bright light hurt my eyes, making me bury my face into Sam’s shoulder as we walked. In Dean’s impala, I saw another person, the one that was at my door, he had been hurt – Castiel.

I leaned on the outside of the impala, not sure if I ready to meet a new person right now. I took a couple of deep breaths while Sam climbed into the back of the car to talk to Castiel. Dean stood next to me, my hand firmly in his. “Alex,” Dean said, making I look up him. “I’m really glad you’re okay,” he said, a tight smile covering his face.

I felt a smile start forming on my lips. “I’m glad you showed up,” I said. “Don’t know how much more of that I could’ve handled,” I chuckled, but Dean just shook his head.

“You shouldn’t have had to deal with that in the first place,” he said, running his hands through his hair. I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek, but he let go of my hand and cleared his throat when Castiel got out of the car with Sam.

There was a hesitant smile on Castiel’s face. “Cas, this is Alex. Alex, this is Cas,” Sam said, introducing us. I smiled lightly and shook his hand, but I grunted in pain as I stretched out my arm to him.

“Ah, sorry about that,” I said, a painful smile on my face, sucking my lip between my teeth.

“It’s… okay. I’m – I apologise for showing up, wounded at your doorstep.”

“That’s okay,” I smiled the best I could. I turned to Dean. “Can we get going?”

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, and we all piled into the car. When we got into the car, Dean was in the drivers’ seat, I was in the passenger seat while Cas and Sam were in the back. When Dean started the car, I heard the opening riffs of Harder to Breath and a genuine smile broke out on my face.

-

It had been weeks since the incident with Crowley. It had left me with some scars, but nothing too bad that I couldn’t handle. While Sam and Dean went out and fought monsters, Cas and I stayed in the bunker and bonded. We had become good friends.

When Sam and Dean came back from a hunt, they usually crashed straight away – and that didn’t change when they walked in the bunker another time. They both went straight to their respective rooms and slept for hours. I spent most of my time reading books and talking to Cas.

We spoke about heaven a lot. Cas would tell me stories about his home in heaven. Stories about when he was a couple hundred years younger and all of his brothers and sisters were happy and didn’t fight. He had been trained to be the best soldier he could be – and he was – he was the best soldier of heaven. He told me about his favourite heaven and about all the people he might whilst he lived in heaven.

“Good afternoon,” I nodded to Dean as he walked out of his room, his hair messy and clothes askew. He nodded, yawning. “How are you?”

“Good, good,” he said, his voice thick with sleep. I made him a quick meal and we talked about his most recent case while he spoke. I had asked him about taking me on hunts, but he always said it was too dangerous.

“Where’s Sammy?”

“He went for a run,” I sighed, cleaning up the dishes. I watched as Dean poured himself a glass of whiskey and drank it in one gulp. He poured himself another. I sighed, shaking my head to myself. He knew I didn’t like it. He still did it, though.

“What about Cas?”

“I don’t know, Dean,” I snapped. I sighed, putting the plate I had in my hands down in the soapy water and turning around to look at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“No, it’s fine,” he shrugged. “We all snap sometimes,” and he walked away with the whiskey bottle in his hand.

“I think I’m going crazy in here,” I whispered to myself.

-

A couple of days had passed and I had finished reading as many books as I could. I put it down, and sighed. Sam and Dean were fighting, so Dean was out on a hunt by himself. That didn’t put my mind at ease at all. I walked around, finding Sam on his laptop and I sat on the table in front of his laptop.

“Sam,” I said, getting his attention. He glanced up at me, looked back to his laptop, but closed the lid after.

“What’s up?” he asked, looking at me again.

“I can’t stay in here any longer, Sam. I have to get out of here. Just – go for a walk on the beach, down the street. Please.”

-

I managed to talk Sam into taking us out. First, we went to a shopping mall in a beach town a couple of towns over. I smiled, putting some new clothes, books, movies and tv shows into a trolley that Sam was pushing. Cas and I were browsing together, Sam trailing us, watching us carefully.

“Hey Sammy, how ‘bout we dump that in the car and go to the beach?” I asked excitedly. He nodded

a smile across his face. We ended up buying sun cream before we went. Sam and I both agreed that we didn’t want any of us to get sunburnt. When we got to the beach, Sam and I took our shoes off, telling Cas to do the same. The sand was burning hot on our feet, making us run to the water as quickly as possible.

“Sam!” I called, throwing a lump of seaweed at him.

“Oh, that’s how you wanna play, is it?” he smirked, charging towards me. I squealed, running as fast as I could away from him, but I couldn’t out run him. He tossed me over his shoulder and walked deeper into the water.

“No! Sam! Come on, this isn’t fair!” I said, my fists hitting his back lightly and kicking my feet everywhere. I saw Cas standing back at the shore, watching us interact. “Cas!” I yelled. “Come out here and help me!” he hesitantly took a few more steps into the ocean, but shook his head, a scared expression on his face. I heard Sam laughing as he tossed me into the ocean. I pushed myself to the surface and as I did, I splashed Sam with water, soaking him. We were both laughing and we walked back to where Cas was standing, cautiously.

“Can you swim, Cas?” Sam asked him. He shook his head and it clicked why he didn’t come out deeper with us.

“Well then, looks like we’re teaching you how to swim. Just a crash course,” I said, taking his hand.

-

When we got home from our day out, we were all soaking and all glad that we didn’t have the impala, because Dean would’ve killed us if we trashed the seats. He came home a couple of days after our day out, looking tired and worn out. His stance was tense and his shoulders were tight. I looked through some cupboards in the bathroom and found some deep heat and went to Dean’s room.

I knocked on the door and he called out to come in. As I walked in, he had just kicked off his shoes and undone his belt. I smiled, holding up the rub. “You are a life saver,” he said, smiling.

“Get on the bed,” I grinned. He pulled his shirt over his head and took his belt and jeans off, so he was lying on the bed in his black briefs on his stomach. I straddled his lower back and rubbed the cream into my hands before rubbing it into his back and shoulders.

“What was this case that made you this tense, Dean?” I asked, worried. He didn’t answer, shrugging his shoulders. “Just relax, okay?” his shoulders and back relaxed and I massaged them with the deep heat. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yes, I know that Alexa,” he said, his voice firm.

“Then why don’t you tell me things?” I said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “We’ve been friends for literally forever. Tell me what’s made you this tense and uptight, tell me what the case was,” I spoke to him in a whisper, hoping he didn’t get mad.

He sighed. “Stop,” he said faintly. My hands stopped moving on his back and shoulders and he somehow turned around under me so that he was lying on his back and now I was straddling his waist. I pleaded with my eyes for him to tell me. “I… I haven’t told you because I don’t want you to worry. I don’t want you to get too involved with this. Because if what happened with Crowley happens again, and you know too much…” he trailed off.

“I wouldn’t say anything, Dean, not to him,” I shook my head, my voice cracking and tears appearing in my eyes.

“No, baby, I know you wouldn’t. But he has ways to dig into your head, like, seriously dig in your head and find things out,” he was whispering now. “I can’t have anything bad happen to you.”

I let tears fall from my eyes. He looked like someone had stabbed him in the gut. “I don’t tell you things, Alexa, because I’m scared about what you’d think of me once you know the things I’ve done.”

“Dean, I wouldn’t think of you any less or any differently, I promise you that.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Alexa,” he smiled faintly.

“I can keep that promise, Dean. You know why?” I paused, my heart in my throat, pounding harder and faster than it ever had. Tears were streaming down my face. This isn’t how I wanted to tell him – I never even wanted to tell him. It was meant to be a secret. This was going to ruin our friendship. “Because I’m in love with you.”

-

Dean got all choked up and didn’t know what to say. He was still under me, the smell of deep heat surrounding us. I didn’t mean to say it – didn’t want to say it. It just slipped out, without even thinking about it. I didn’t expect Dean to reply – for him to say that he loved me back. I didn’t mind.

“I-I’m so sorry, Dean,” I shook my head, scrambling off of him. “I – I didn’t mean to say that. I mean, I meant it, but I wasn’t meant to tell you that. Oh god, this is horrible. I’m just going to leave now. Yeah. Leaving sounds good. Bye, Dean, and once again, sorry,” and with that I left his room, leaving him on the bed, looking shocked and dazed.

 -

I locked myself in my room for the night and most of the next day. When Sam or Cas came to check on me, I told them I wasn’t feeling well. They let me be. Dean didn’t come see me and I didn’t blame him. It was a shock to him. It probably ruined every aspect of our friendship.

After the day had passed, and it was late night, I found myself getting hungry and thought it was late enough for Dean to be in bed, asleep and he wouldn’t see me. I pulled my ugg boots on and creeped out of my room into the darkness of the bunker.

As I walked around, I noticed through the darkness that the usual pile of weapons on one of the tables had disappeared. I narrowed my eyes in confusion, but continued on to the kitchen. It was getting pretty empty. I made a mental note to tell Sam that we should go get some groceries soon.

I decided that as I walked back to my room, I would take a detour to Sam’s and most likely sneak into bed with him. I needed a Sam hug. As I opened his door, I noticed the total lack of Sam in the bed and the lack of clothes in the basket and the lack of someone living in here. I started to panic, flicking the light switch on and searching his room for where he could’ve been. I ran out and went to Cas’s room, but found that it was completely empty too. I then, rushed to Dean’s room. Before I opened the door, I took a deep breath, pushing the door open.

In his room, I found a small post-it note on his bed. As I walked closer, I could still faintly smell the deep heat. On the note, in Dean’s messy hand-writing were two words:

I’m sorry.

Harder to Breathe - Supernatural - Part 2

FIRST PERSON – ALEX

I saw Sam flick his hair off his face and Dean place his gun on the table. “Before we… start, Alex,” Sam said. “We have to… you know,” he pointed to some holy water and a silver blade.

“Yeah, I know, go ahead,” I held my arm out and they poured holy water of it. Next, Dean took a blade out and hovered it over my arm, thinking about cutting me. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to do it. I watched him as he contemplated it. He didn’t do anything after about thirty seconds, so I took the blade from him, touching his hand in the process. He looked up at me, with teary eyes, and I softly smiled at him.

I pressed the blade to my forearm and slide it across my skin, cutting it open. Blood came to the surface and Dean quickly took a handkerchief from his pocket and wrapped it around the cut, stopping the bleeding. “So,” I cleared my throat. “Why are you here?”

They explained the situation to me. I listened intently and had to hold back my cries when I realised how much shit they had gone through. They both had literally gone to hell and back. I didn’t know how much pain and suffering they had to go through. It just made me feel worse that they had to go through it without me. I cleared my throat when they had finished. “Now, we understand that you’re angry with us, and it’s okay if you don’t want anything to do with us. We’ve hurt you, we know,” Sam said.

“It’s okay,” I nodded, my head falling to look at the ground.

“No,” Dean said abruptly. “It’s not okay,” he walked closer to us. “But we will do everything we can to make it okay between us,” he said, his voice firm and clear.

I nodded, smiling, not letting my tears fall from my eyes. “So, you need a safe place yeah?” I asked. They nodded. “I know just the place.”

-

I directed Dean as he drove the impala to the bunker. I was at the library one day, and I was searching through all these old books and I found an address and key to this bunker. From as far as I can tell, this place is warded and secluded enough for no one to know it.

I smiled as I unlocked the door and led them in. “H-How did you find this place?” Sam asked, having a field day already. I shrugged with a smile on my face. I winked at him and he just laughed, looking around. I showed them around, Dean and I laughing at Sam’s excited comments about everything.

“How’s this then? Good enough?”

“Yeah, this is – this is great­, Alex,” Sam said, a massive smile on his face.

“Cool,” I sighed, flopping down into a chair. “Stay here for as long as you want.”

-

Sam and Dean decided that I should go back home. They said they didn’t want anything to happen to me because of them. I thought it was a stupid idea, because I was obviously safer with them than I was at home, by myself. Sure, I had a brief knowledge of monsters and stuff like that, but not as much as I would like to.

I sighed, feeling my anger starting to peak again at them. “Well, I better get going then,” I said, shaking my head and standing up. Sam walked me out to the car, Dean specifically said that I could take it for extra protection. I rolled my eyes at him then.

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” Sam smiled, pulling me into a hug. “It’s been good seeing you.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you, Sammy,” I sighed into his chest. Dean came up a couple of seconds later, and Sam went inside. Dean gave me the keys, telling me to be careful with his baby.

“Dean, I promise I will not hurt your car,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“She’s not the only thing I’m worried about,” he said, looking directly into my eyes. He pulled me close to his chest. I breathed in his scent, savouring it. “I’m sorry we’re doing this, Lex, but I need to know that you’re safe, and safe is away from me – I mean, away from us.”

“No, Dean, safe would be with you guys. You know, the ones that know stuff about monsters and how to kill them,” I said, pulling back from his hug, angrily.

“We’ve taught you how to kill most stuff, okay? You’ll be okay, I promise you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Dean,” I said, stepping into the drivers’ seat. “Bye, Dean,” I said, after rolling down my window. I paused, hesitant, “I love you guys.”

“We love you, too,” as I drove away the song that was playing was Harder to Breathe, by Maroon 5.

-

It had been a couple of days since I left Sam and Dean at the bunker. I had been watching Netflix for approximately 30 of those hours while eating nothing but frozen dinners. Sam would absolutely have a fit. I was watching PS I Love You, and crying all the way through it.

 I quickly wiped my face with tissues when I heard someone knocking on my door. I gulped some water and opened the door, clutching my phone in my hand. I didn’t recognise the person who was standing in front of me though. He was about Dean’s height, had light brown hair with blue eyes. He was wearing a white collared t-shirt with a low hanging tie and a trench coat. I noticed his white shirt had a big blood stain on it.

“Uh, can I help you?” I asked him, a worried look on my face.

“Y-you know Dean?” he gritted through his teeth. I nodded. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and I rushed forward, ready to catch him before he fell. I got him so his arm was around my shoulders and I dragged him into my apartment. I dropped him on the couch and pulled my phone out, calling Dean and putting him on speaker phone.

“Alex?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

“Dean,” I gasped out, hearing my voice crack with worry and confusion.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, knowing that something was wrong.

“T-there’s a man here, he showed up, um, he was looking for you. He’s bleeding, he passed out,” I stuttered, starting to cry.

“Who is he? Did he give you a name? What does he look like?”

“N-no, he didn’t give me his name. Um, h-he has blue eyes, he’s wearing a trench coat,” I paused, thinking.

“Okay, listen to me. His name is Castiel, and if he’s hurt, something bad is happening. Sam and I are on our way, okay? Just make sure he’s okay, Alex,” Dean said. I nodded, but I knew he could hear me. “Alex?” he repeated, his voice firm.

“Y-yeah, right, I got it,” and we hung up. I threw my phone on the table behind us and I worked on turning Castiel over. When I managed that, I loosened his tie so it wasn’t in the way and I unbuttoned his shirt. I found the spot that was bleeding and cleaned all around it with my first aid kit I kept under my coffee table.

The actual wound was round and deep. I took a deep breath and held a cloth over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. I thought back to my time at school when we did first aid one year, but my mind was blank. I heard my door burst open and Sam came rushing to me. Dean picked me up off the ground where I was kneeling in front of Castiel.

I stood away from Sam and Castiel, latching onto Dean with my arms wrapped around his neck. My face was buried into his chest, trying to hold back my tears, but failing. I could hear Dean whispering in my ear, trying to soothe me. I took a deep breath after a couple of minutes, but I could still feel tears falling down my cheeks.

“Is he gonna be okay? Is he gonna die?” I asked, looking up at Dean. I was still latched onto him.

His eyes looked teary. “He’s tough, he should be fine,” he cleared his throat, and I let go of him. He walked over to where Sam was crouching in front of Castiel. I watched their interactions. They were both worried. I walked closer, so I was leaning against the back of the couch.

I watched as Dean looked over him, tears in his eyes. I wondered who he was, exactly, and how he knew who I was. “I think we just need to let him rest now. We’ve done all we can do,” Sam said, standing up from him couching position. I sighed, nodding. I announced to them that I thought that we should all go to bed. “One of you can stay in my room with me, if you want,” I said, and walked to my bedroom. I took my pants off, and I realised that I was wearing an old shirt of Sam’s. I smiled and buried myself under the blankets, letting all my tears fall.

Soon, I heard my door creak open and light pour in. I looked over and saw Sam walking towards me. He had his boxers on, but no shirt. I smiled as he climbed into the bed with me. “Hey, Alex,” he whispered, making me smile.

“Sammy,” I said as a greeting. He looked at my face in the dark, squinting so he could make it out. He noticed that I had been crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.

“It’s stupid, don’t worry about it,” I shook my head. He grabbed my hand.

“It’s not stupid if you’re crying over it, tell me,” he said, and in this moment, it felt like they had never left me. Sam and I were still telling each other everything that happened in our lives, Dean and I jokingly made fun of Sam for wanting to read his books rather than come for a walk run along the beach with us. I smiled, remembering what it was like to have these boys as a constant in my life.

“I-I just, I feel this is my fault. Like Dean blames me, kinda, for what’s happening to Castiel,” I said, shyly. “I can tell that they’re pretty close, you know.”

“Listen, Alex, that isn’t what’s happening. None of this is your fault – I mean, you don’t even know what’s happening – what Cas is!” he shook his head. “You don’t need to feel like that. Dean – or I – doesn’t blame you for what happened to Cas,” he whispered the last part, kissing my forehead.

“Thanks, Sammy,” I whispered, cuddling into his bare chest and falling asleep.

-

When I woke up, Sam wasn’t in bed anymore. I checked my phone quickly before I got up. I walked out of my room, a smile on my face, but it was soon taken over by a frown. There was no Castiel lying on the couch anymore. I checked the bathroom, the spare bedroom, the kitchen and anywhere else he – or Sam and Dean – could have been. All three of them were gone. I started to feel panic rising up my stomach. I got my phone and called Dean – there was no answer. I called Sam next, there also, was no answer. “Shit,” I whispered, calling Dean again, this time, leaving a message. “Listen, Dean, I just woke up and you guys aren’t here. Where are you all? I – I um, don’t care if you’re at the bunker or whatever, but just, call me back, yeah? I worry about you.”

I sighed, putting the phone down and flopping onto the couch. I can’t believe they’re gone again.

-

ʀᴀᴘ ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀ for NYLON

Harder to Breathe - Supernatural - Part 4

Days passed and I heard nothing from Sam, Dean or Cas. I imagine Dean told them some bullshit lie about them putting my life in danger for being around me for too long. I spent my time moving from room to room to room, crying on their beds and breathing in their scents that still lingered on their bed sheets and pillows. It slowly faded, but I did find a shirt of Sam’s that he must’ve left by accident, it’s sleeve poking out from under his bed. I searched Dean’s room for something he might have left, but there was nothing.

After a while, I got too dehydrated from crying and imagined Sam telling me off for not eating or drinking right. As I was rummaging through cupboards and drawers in the kitchen, I found a stash of whiskey, scotch and more whiskey hidden away at the back of a cupboard.

I took one of the bottles of whiskey out and poured myself a glass, downing it fast. I quickly downed another, then another and one more before my eyes were watering and I felt sobs coming on. I took the bottle to Dean’s room with me and sat on his bed, imagining the last good time I saw him here. He was on his stomach in his briefs, moaning in pleasure as I rubbed the knots out of his shoulders as the smell of deep heat engulfed the room.

I fell asleep on his bed, my phone still in my jean pocket and the empty bottle falling to ground to the side of me.

-

When I woke up, my head was throbbing. I blinked my eyes open and let my eyes adjust to the darkness around me. I didn’t recognise my surroundings. I felt my phone digging into me still. I started squirming, but soon realised I couldn’t move my hands, they were tied to something. I squinted, trying to see what was happening. My head hurt too much to think.

Suddenly, the lights came on, making me groan in pain. I felt like I was going to throw up. I swallowed my spit in hope that I didn’t, but when I saw the King of Hell walking towards me, it didn’t help and before I could help it, my vomit was covering the ground the side of me. He made a disgusted face before shaking his head.

He cut my hands loose and I rotated my wrists. Crowley stared at me, narrowing his eyes. “What?” I asked harshly.

“Oh, that’s no way to talk to an old friend, is it?” he grinned. “I’m going to make you cry,” he whispered into my ear, making a shudder move throughout my body. His laugh was loud and obnoxious, and his breath smelt terrible.

“Clean this up,” he commanded to some demons. They came with a hose and washed it away behind me. “Your little boy toys aren’t gonna find you this time,” he said. I rolled my eyes, spitting at his feet. “You little bitch,” he hissed, slapping me across the cheek.

Each day I was here was filled with Crowley and other demons coming and defacing my body. I had cuts and bruises and wounds that I couldn’t even describe. My body felt heavy, like gravity was pulling me down more than usual. My hair was matted and blood was mixed through it. I didn’t get my regular hose down this time. On my second day, Crowley cut my hands free and let me eat. In that time I was by myself, I quickly pulled my phone out and dialled Dean’s number.

He didn’t answer, but I left a message. “Dean, Dean, I need your help. Please. Crowley’s got me again. I need you to get me out of here, Dean. You said this wasn’t going to happen again. I – I can’t handle any more of this. Hel-,” I cut my own message off, shoving the phone back in my pocket quickly and shoving food down my throat as I heard someone walking closer to the door of this room.

More days passed, but I didn’t get the chance to call Dean or Sam. The torture had been getting worse and worse. Crowley and the other demons didn’t let the wounds heal properly, so they would just make new ones over the other day-old ones. I got fed every two days, but it was just stale pieces of bread and sometimes there was some rice.

I didn’t keep count of the days but I knew my phone definitely would’ve died by now. Crowley kept trying, doing worse things every day but I still refused to let my tears shed. I would not let this bastard see me cry. He laughed when I screamed out in agony – he smirked when I spat blood out at him. I hated him with all my being, and I told him every day, without fail, how much I hated him and the scum bags that worked with him.

He liked to tease me. He liked to sing my favourite song to me. The song that my friendship with Sam and Dean was built around – it was our song. “…Getting harder and harder to breathe… Is it getting harder to breathe now, Alexa?”

One day, I felt blood rushing down the side of my face, but I couldn’t remember what had happened. I kept fading in and out of consciousness and I slurred all my words together. I knew that I wasn’t going to last any longer than a day or two, and so did Crowley.

I felt my hands being cut down and one of Crowley’s brutes lift me over his shoulder and I felt myself smile, thinking of the time I went with Sam and Cas to the beach. The day we gave Cas a crash course in how to swim. “Put me down, Sammy,” I slurred into the back of the demon, but he just grunted, throwing me into the back of a car.

The car drove sloppily, swerving all over the place. It was so bright outside that I couldn’t focus on where we were going. I recognised some of the sounds outside though. The sounds of water gushing and trees swaying in the breeze were evident. I could see massive patches of green grass and a massive body of deep blue water. It wasn’t the ocean – definitely not – it was a lake of some kind. When we parked, Crowley grabbed my arm tightly and led me to the jetty that went to the middle of the lake. I felt myself getting more and more nervous as the seconds passed.

I knew what he was going to do. “Now, love, I know you can swim, so I have to take some precautions,” he told me, spinning me around so I was facing the water while he tied my hands behind my back. He also tied my feet together. I felt tears welling up in my eyes – I wanted to cry – but I was too dehydrated and had lost too much blood to even let one fall. I was thankful for that. In my last moments, I wasn’t going to be crying or begging for my life.

Crowley faced me, a crooked grin stretching across his face. “Say hello to ol’ John for me when you get down there,” I gasped. I knew he was talking about the boys’ father. I shook my head one last time, my stomach riddled with nerves and I thought that I should at least put up a little bit of a fight.

I struggled against Crowley as he moved me closer to the edge of the jetty. “Don’t start now,” Crowley tutted, making me struggle against him even more. It took all of my strength to fight back. I had no energy left in my body and I could feel blood dried on my stomach, arms, hands, face, legs and everywhere else, reminding me of how tried and sore I was.

There was a weight attached to my legs, making it even harder to struggle against him. As a last result, I started screaming until my throat was dry. “SAM,” I called out into the nothingness around us. Crowley started laughing at me. “Please, come on, CAS,” was my second yell. Just as I was thrown over the edge, I managed to say two more words before the cool water consumed me. “Dean, please.”

As I felt myself sinking, deeper and deeper into the water, all I could think of was the song Harder to Breathe. I could hear the lyrics and music playing faintly in my head. When it gets cold outside, and you got nobody to love…

I struggled with as much force as I could to try and get my hands or legs free, but it was no use. The weight kept pulling me down, down, down. I knew I could hold my breath for longer than a lot of people could – I was a swimmer. I swam a lot as a child. I loved the water.

I saw black spots starting to appear at the edges of my eyes, making me realise that the inevitable was going to happen. I lost all hope that someone would come and rescue me. I let go of all the hatred, anger, sorrow that I had been harbouring and I felt better. I let go of every bad thought that I had floating around in my head and I felt better. As my lungs were burning more than any amount of running could ever cause, I felt myself close my eyes and everything went black.

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams. Is there anyone out there, cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe…

THIRD PERSON

As Crowley walked away from the edge of the jetty, he let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god that’s over,” he muttered to himself. “Now, to tell the boys,” he pulled out his phone and called Dean, thinking that it fit most as her last word was his name. Dean answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” his voice was thick and sleepy.

“Oh, hello Dean,” Crowley sang.

“Crowley? Where is she? What have you done with her?” when Crowley all but laughed at him, he yelled, “Tell me where she is, goddamn it!”

“Oh, she’s at the bottom of Silver Lake, Delaware, Dean,” he smirked to himself. Dean hung the phone up, making Crowley laugh even more. This was a good day.

-

Silver Lake was in Dover, Delaware. Sam, Cas and Dean had been trying to track Crowley and his demons to find Alex. After Dean had gotten that message from her, he immediately started tracking. He had to find her. He couldn’t let her die.

He got scared, okay? Truth be told, he loved Alex just as much as she loved him. He hadn’t realised until Sam literally slapped it into him after she left him that message. The three of them were in a town over from Dover, so if Dean drove really, really fast, he could be there in minutes.

He drove as fast as he could, with Sam and Cas both staying as silent as possible. When they arrived at Silver Lake, it had been only seven minutes. He looked around the lake for places where she could be, but he couldn’t find any signs of a struggle or a disturbance.

“Dean!” Sam said, pointing somewhere. “The jetty!” and Dean was off, running to the very end of the jetty as fast as he could. He dived into the water, head first and he found her immediately. The water was clear and he swum down to her body. Her eyes were closed, making him want to throw up. He couldn’t have been too late. He went straight for the weight, dragging her through the water and cut it off her. He brought her to the surface where Sam hauled her out of the water and started CPR.

  Dean paced all along the jetty, watching Sam and the lifeless Alex. Dean lost track of time, as he watched, as he waited. Cas was there, trying to comfort him as best as he could. Dean was grateful for him being there. It gave him some sort of hope. He didn’t know why it did or what it was, but something about Cas standing with him, with Cas’s hand on Dean’s shoulder, comforted him.

Sam pulled back from her and looked up at Dean. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words died in his throat. “Why’re you stopping, Sam? You can’t stop! You have to save her! Sam, please, I – I can’t – I need her,” Dean was sobbing now. It was the first time Cas had seen Dean this upset. Sam shook his head.

“I – I think she’s…” he trailed off.

“No, she can’t be, Sammy!” Dean wailed. “No!” he was shaking his head. He was shivering, still wet from when he brought her up. He launched himself forward so he was on his knees next to her cold body. Her lips and face were pale. He didn’t like seeing her like this. Dean grabbed her hand with both of his, squeezing it as tight as he could and prayed.

“If there’s any angel out there that’s listening, I need you. I need you and you’re healing powers to come down here and save the only person that I’ve ever loved. Please…” he was still crying over her body. Sam and Cas watched on in silence. Sam was crying. Cas didn’t know what was happening. He had never experienced this emotion as a human. He felt his heart pounding. It felt like it was going to jump out of his mouth. His eyes and throat were burning and it felt like there was a sack of potatoes weighing his stomach down.

Suddenly, in a blur of wings, a woman was standing in front of Dean and Alex’s body. Dean looked up at her. “Ellen?” he asked his voice heavy with sorrow.

“Dean,” she said, smiling. “Stand up,” he stood up and in a rush, he hugged her. Sam ran over and hugged her too.

“You – you’re an angel now?” Sam asked. Ellen shook her head, a faint laugh echoing around them.

“No, don’t be stupid – not anyone can become an angel. An angel let me borrow some of his grace to help you,” she told them. She leaned down and touched Alex’s forehead, and her back arched and she breathed in. She then started coughing up water. Sam dropped to his knees and helped Alex.

“She’s pretty, Dean,” she paused. “Treat her right,” she smiled, touching his shoulder.

“You know I will,” he nodded.

“Bye Dean, goodbye Sam,” she waved and she disappeared.

-

Cas carried Alex’s cold body to the car. He was the only one that hadn’t had water on him that whole time, meaning he was the warmest. Dean sat in the passenger seat, his eyes constantly on the sleeping Alex while Sam drove and Cas sat next to his friend, her hand in his.

 Dean smiled faintly to Cas, who returned it. It took a little less than a day to get to the bunker. Cas carried her out of the car and into the bunker where he placed her on the bed that was mine. It smelt like whiskey and Chinese. Dean scrunched his nose up at the scent but went to work on finding some warm clothes for Alex.

She was lying still on the bed, asleep. He changed her clothes as carefully as possible and after kicking his shoes off, climbed into the bed with her and fell asleep with her.

-

FIRST PERSON – ALEX

I stirred, spinning around so I was on my side. I felt something warm beside me. If I’m not in a nice heaven that has a nice beach and my parents aren’t here, I’m personally going to climb out of hell and into heaven. I opened my eyes hesitantly and saw Dean’s sleeping face. What was happening? Aren’t I dead? I poked Dean’s cheek and yes, he was very real. I poked him again and he groaned, opening his eyes.

He saw me and his eyes widened. “You’re awake,” he said, his morning voice cracking.

“I’m alive, apparently.”

“Yeah, yeah, called in a favour. You know how it is,” he said, a grin stretching across his face. I smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly good,” I said, confused. I looked at my arm, where I knew there was a gash that was going to scar. There was a small scar there. I was even more confused. How did I heal so quickly? “Dean Winchester if you made a cross-roads deal I am going to kill you right now,” I said, shaking my head.

“What? No. No, no,” he shook his head. “No one did,” he said.

“Good,” I smiled. He leaned forward, closer to me.

“Guess what?” he asked a smirk on his face.

“What?”

He kept getting closer and closer to me. I could feel the heat of his body getting closer to me. I shivered, realising how cold I was. He pulled me closer to him and pressed his pink lips to mine. I gasped. He pulled back. “I love you, too.”

YAY SO THIS IS IT.

I hope you liked it! It was my first time ever posting anything to the internet so don’t be too harsh pls.

Love you allllllll. 

ADMIN C.

https://vine.co/v/e526YbWT1KA/embed/simple

what. the. fuck.