The Hangover (t.m.r.)

the hangover (t.m.r.)

I have so many drafts of a university a.u. series, but for now we’ll stick to a stand alone short.

summary: in order to receive higher education, you attend a muggle university at the cost of keeping your wizarding identity a secret (cuz duh). you only know of one another student in the same position as you, but you keep clear of each other’s paths because you were academic rivals back in the good ol’ days of hogwarts. 

summary: tomxreader, college!tomxcollege!reader, legilimens!tomxocclumens!reader, enemies to not enemies! (you can define that last part after you read), wizards of muggley place

warnings: drinking, kidnapping, blackbeltinasswhoopin!reader, pantsless?reader

“(y/n)! catch-“

“no abraxas we can’t play inside-“ but it was too late. your eight year old playmate threw the youth size quaffle, re-enacting the same pitch his favorite quidditch athlete threw at the match he watched with his father the other weekend. the ball landed on the living room coffee table, shattering the glass.

“oh no our table!” you ran over to the broken pieces, abraxas running down the stairs following. “it’s broken!” tears ran down you face as you heard your mother arriving at the fireplace.

you sat up in your bed, panting, realizing that it was only a dream. you brought the neck of your shirt to your face to absorb the cold sweat. What an odd nightmare. you stopped dreaming about the lecture and punishment until you were ungrounded two months after the incident, and that was ten years ago.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you inhaled, realizing that you don’t wear cologne. you looked down and see that you were not only in a shirt that wasn’t yours, but your pants were also missing. this wasnt even your bed.

“ahhh!” you tore off the grey sheets as you looked around for pants. YOUR pants preferably. But there were no clothes on the ground, an inconvenient but also good sign. You didn’t remember anything from last night, nonetheless the source of your headache. the room was impossibly simple, but not completely bare. there were books, everywhere, and a banner of-

“slytherin?!” You rush to stand. panic set in.

a wizards room? a wizards college dorm room? was there another wizard at your university? There was only one other you could think of, but why were you in their room-

“why are you screaming?” a very sleep deprived riddle opens the door calmly.

“so many questions—ahhh! tom?!”

“stop screaming-“

“get out!”

“it’s my room-“

“i have no pants!”

“what-oh right! here wear these-“ he threw a pair of grey sweats at you before shutting the door.

a few moments later…

you slouch against the wall “did we-”

“no” tom responds, flipping the page of his book

“are you sure because…”

“you were very intoxicated last night, (y/l/n). i would not.” well that explains the headache… you stare at his elegant fingers supporting the book by its spine. Your eyes trail to his wrists exposed by the movement of his hoodie sleeves. They were marked and red as if they had been bound. what in the kinky dinky-

“stop that”

“Stop what?” you look up in confusion. Dang, you forgot he was a legilimens.

“thinking about disturbing things, it’s not what you think…” tom clears his throat. Hmm yeah, sure buddy. Regardless, you let your mind wonder elsewhere.

“i wouldn’t drink though, not here at least. that’s too reckless…” he paused his reading, moving suspiciously slow. there was many things you and riddle disagreed with during your time at Hogwarts, but one thing at this institution was clear. Don’t let your wizard identity be revealed.

“it wasn’t exactly your choice…”

“what?” you sat up.

he sighs and looks at his wristwatch, “how much time do you have?”

“i have no classes” you lean forward in interest.

“if you’re gonna kill me kill me now,” you pointed your nose up and squinted your eyes in defiance. the masked, hooded person reached for his wand.

“…and into the van i go…” another uniformed member put a sack over your head.

“ow—way to treat a lady!” you grunted after being manhandled into a seating position in what you assumed was inside the vehicle.

“merlin you can’t be serious…” a voice next to you sighed, throwing their head into their bound hands. suddenly being kidnapped and thrown into a dark van, incapacitated was the least of your worries.

“riddle?!” you jump back in shock, causing you to bump your head. “ow! what are you doing here?” you rub your scalp.

“if i knew the answer to that question (y/l/n), do you think i would be tied and blinded?” tom whisper yelled. his tone reminding you of the situation you were in, and the possibly dangerous people who put you there.

“not to mention, with you of all people.” he added. you kicked your leg out with intentions to kick him in the shin.

“bloody-“ your companion groaned, folding over grabbing onto his crotch.

“i’m sorry i didn’t mean to-“

“why in my pe-“

“I kicked you?” you paused mid-sip of your hot cocoa, staring at him wide eyed, fighting a laugh.

“yes, you might have killed off a generation of riddles, thanks,” he deadpans, putting down his cup of tea.

“hey shut it the both of you!” a rough voice growled in front of you, making you and tom freeze at the new known presence. your hand grabs onto toms arms instinctively, before you remove it like you had just touched fire muttering an apology. a silence blanketed the van, only the sound of the engine and hushed whispers between the driver and passenger in front.

“ew I touched you?” you grimaced, taking the change from the cashier and thanking her. Tom rolled his eyes.

“do you want to hear the story or not?”

“yeah yeah continue…”

“tom…” you whispered. he hesitated with his natural attitude filled “what?” due to the unusual softness of your voice. were you scared?

“yes?”

“what do you think they want with us?” you breathe.

“i am not completely sure, but there’s only two things you and i share in common…” he responded. you sat in quiet for a few minutes.

“that we’re both hot?”

“wha-“

“do you think they know we’re wizards?” it was toms turn to think.

“i don’t know, maybe”

“maybe they found out i’ve been sneaking fruit from the dining hall…” you think aloud. tom fights a smile in regards of your seriousness.

“(y/n) i don’t think it’s that. maybe go back to the wizard thing…”

“you’re right, they have wands, and they took ours-“

“hello i can hear you” your mean babysitter interrupted.

“wait...I think I remember being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night. I tried making noise, but no one was responding…” you recall, staring at the pavement as you walked on collecting your fuzzy memories. a breeze flew by making your hair fly everywhere, and instinctively you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“silencing charm…” tom finished your thoughts, casually putting his coat on you.

“thanks…” you acknowledge the unusual gesture, taking back the ew you gave him minutes ago.

the van door slid open. the sudden noise causing you to jump. tom sat up straight in dominance.

“remember what we discussed?” tom reminded, referring to the plan he mapped out to you via legilimency minutes before. 

“Eyes, throat, groin…”

“What? No, you are to run-“ toms eyebrows furrowed, careful not to give away how you two were communicating.

“And maybe nipple twist, got it-“

“(Y/l/n)-“

“Wait how did you know I was an occlumens?” You leaned back and stared at tom skeptically. it wasnt a skill you necessarily shared among people you were not friends with, especially not someone who despised you as much as the salazar heir did back in hogwarts. 

He put down the college mug he was looking at, and picked up a planner and skimmed through the pages. “How did you know I was a legilimens?”

“Um you’re tom riddle, everyone knew that back in Hogwarts. What couldn’t you do?” You huffed, stating the obvious, moving to the same fixture he was at, searching for the notebook you saw earlier. you’ve been meaning to buy a new one. your old one was filled up already, you weren’t used to lined paper.

“And you’re (y/n) (y/l/n).” Tom said in the same factual tone, handing you the very item you were thinking of.

“Alright, out you two.” Your captive grunted, scuffing around to stand.

“Are you sick or something? Because your voice does not sound natural…” he ignored your comment as he took you by the arm. You were dragged through what you made off as a forest. You could hear leaves crunching under you and the smell of wet bark invaded your nostrils.

“So this is where I die…” you say dramatically. Tom gives you a look, then walks off.

“I was only joking…”

You were thrown into a chair, beside what you presumed was riddle. you flinched at the bright fluorescents after the sack of snatched off your head. Your assumptions were confirmed when you looked to your right to see a very calm tom looking straight ahead. You knew him better than these people that he was angry.

You looked around you before turning your attention to where his eyes were fixed. You were in some type of warehouse. Five hooded figures stood in a straight line with their hands folded behind their backs, closing in on you two. It was very unsettling the way they were hidden and silent in their robes. they reminded you of dementors. But you knew they were human, because one of them sneezed prior to putting you into the chair.

While you were observing what was going on physically, tom was shifting through each of their minds. the darkness he was prepared for was met with something else. They were wizards yes, but they were not too different from him and (y/n)…toms head snapped to your direction, only to find your chair empty, one of the men hunched over holding his crotch and another grabbing onto his throat as he crumpled to the ground.

“merlin she’s like a gazelle!” the one holding onto his jewels choked out as him and his colleague painfully watched you sprint away from the other three.

“I don’t get it, I got away. Didn’t I?” You were still very confused on how these events linked to you waking up hungover in his bed this morning. it was rush hours, and cars were zooming past you. Tom shoved his hands into his pockets and moved to the other side of you, the closest side to the road.

“I had to stop you.”

“What?”

“(Y/l/n) stop! Let go!” Tom commanded as he continued to try to pull you off the no longer hooded and masked man. The ginger screamed as your thumbs got closer to his eyes.

“They’re college students!” 

“what?” You weakened your hold, the sudden lost of resistance caused your restrainer to fall onto his back, arms still around your middle. You rolled off of tom and looked up to see the damage you have done. Five boys, each one of different nationality, limped their way back to the center.

“We’re kappa delta altoid, and we’d like to welcome you two to recruitment.” The blonde panted in what you recognized as a New Zealand accent. a brunette stood to his feet and put out a hand. You instinctively put yours out but tom quickly pulled it away, staring at the students in disgust. He had read about fraternity hazing before, but not like this, and certainly not how to treat a woman such as yourself. 

“We have heard many things about you two. Top wizard and witch of your class, nearly perfect markings on your NEWTs. We were honored to hear that such members of the wizarding society have decided to pursue muggle higher education.” 

the air was silent and filled with heavy breathing. you stared at them bizarrely, surprised that they would even think you’d say yes after the fright they just pulled.

“Thank you, but no thank you. I would rather keep a low profile while attending-“

“You have no choice. You must join us or we will out you to the muggle society, therefore earning punishment from the Ministry of Magic.” The ginger said in a thick Russian accent, a contrast from the squealing he was doing earlier.

“what? so im part of a fraternity now?” you say in disbelief. this story definitely was not one you were expecting. It sounded like fiction someone came up with 2 am in the morning and typed it out instead of doing homework. tom tossed the rest of your guys’ clothes from last night into the dryer and hit start.

“That would be correct,” he places a baseball cap onto your head, “welcome to kappa delta altoid.”

“More!” You pant, slamming your shot glass onto the table as the members of the house cheered. Tom looked around before tossing the contents of his drink into the house plant beside him. All the attention was on you.

“There’s no more.” one of the boys you recognized from the ritual panicked. You couldn’t tell which one he was because his face looked all blurry.

“What happened to the rest?” You hear the durmstrang graduate ask. The room was spinning around you and all you could hear were the voices.

“She drank it all!”

“Oh my stars that must have been so embarrassing!” You throw your face into your hands. “Why did they have me drink so much?”

“actually...they’re hazing is three shots of fire whiskey…you asked for triple that amount…” it was amazing how you weren’t dead.

“Alright maybe that’s enough, yeah?” tom steadied you with his hands on your shoulders. watching you finally let loose was indeed entertaining, but he began to noticed your coordination going from lack of, to none.

“I feel fine—hey abraxas up top!” you greeted the blonde from the kidnapping stunt. Not even recognizing you called him a name he had never heard before he swung his hand to meet your high five, but he was so disoriented he fell forward onto the folding party table. it caved in, earning gasps and looks from others, but the frat brother fell asleep like that.

“Oh no our table…”

“Ah I see, now that does make a lot of sense actually…” you nodded in remembrance of the dream you woke up from. “And my pants?”

“Your pants?” Tom looked at you puzzled, looking down at the article of clothing he was folding. Realizing what you meant, he handed you the jeans you wore last night. “Oh, right…”

“this is so embarrassing, im sorry I threw up on you…” you muttered sleepily as riddle sat you down on his bed.

“you threw up on yourself actually…id bring you to your dorm, but I dont want you to accidentally suffocate…” he responded, taking a navy blue shirt and grey sweats out and placing it at the foot of the bed. 

“Here you go—okay maybe wait until I leave the room—“ he turned back around as you changed. tom picked up the pants before holding it out behind him to continue to give you privacy. when you didn’t take them he hesitantly looked. you were passed out on his bed, halfway falling off. he thought about putting the pants on you, but decided it was too weird, so he just put you on your side and tucked you in. 

that night, tom slept in the lounge, and every hour he checked to make sure you were okay. only because he didn’t want to be responsible if you died, of course. 

i have no idea how greek life names work so i literally named them after a breathmint.

check in

hi everyone, just want to check in. rant to me. what's on your mind? how's mental health doing? feel free to direct message me or anonymously shoot into the inbox :)

draco: “you’re a whore go wear your whore makeup you whore…”

harry: “is anybody in there?”

draco: “occupado!”

summary: early on in their relationship, reader is still a little shy around thomas thee stallion.

“may i see your notes ?” tom asked as he began to pack up. you stopped dead in your tracks, caught off guard.

“um…”

“i missed the last part she mentioned about the life line when palm reading.” he reasoned.

your divinations professor sipped her tea in the background, knowing dang well her lesson was not on palm reading that day. but you didn’t know that, and neither did the head boy. you were off doodling, while he was distracted staring at you from across the class.

“ah, i didn’t write any…” you excused, avoiding eye contact.

“don’t be silly, i saw you jotting down notes,” he grinned slightly, then stopped when he realized what he said.

professor poured more tea into her cup.

wanting to move past his slip up, he gently grabbed your books from you, hoisting them up on top of his. why were you acting so suspicious?

the salazar heir took your parchment sticking out from its spot wedged into your divinations book.

“oh” he said awkwardly, eyeing your page sized sketch of a cat.

“yeah…” you say embarrassed.

“well at least add some whiskers”

Hi!!! I just wanted to say I LOVE everything you write, it’s so cute and I look like an idiot laughing out loud at 2AM. Pls don’t ever stop, I swear your stories are solving climate change lmao

Ahhh I love you !! I’m so happy to hear that they make you laugh because writing these helps me do so through rough times. I just have to remember that Pitbull has already been there done that. Until I am fully mentally healed I won’t stop, which won’t be soon.

summary: thomas the train discovers you have a celebrity crush

“water is not wet” you deadpan, not looking up from your herbology assignment.

“yes it is! it’s not dry is it?” nott pushes, “lestrange, help me out here”

“nope” he responds, turning the page of his book.

“you two always to gang up on-“

“(y/l/n).” tom steps into the common room. “a word.”

the two boys look at each other. lestrange gives you a knowing look, shuts his book and gets up to leave.

“i-uh, have to water my cat” nott excuses himself. you watch them two leave in betrayal.

“yes my liege?” you say mockingly, however it seems that your best friend wasn’t in the playful mood.

“what is the meaning of this?” he asks, a bit angry. your eyebrows knit together in confusion as you squint at his phone screen. a recent shirtless selfie of your celebrity crush displayed.

“yeah that’s ____, what about him?”

“read the top comment” he exhales sharply at your nonchalance. you take a closer look, your eyes go front squinting to wide open.

you i’m sobbing and throbbing

“oh my-“

“yes and that’s not all. you comment on every post” he rages, turning the screen back to him and clicking around.

“____ you’re so hot, have my children”

“i am currently ovulating”

“oh no where did my clothes go?”

“do you need a fire alarm because i can scream?” he lists. your face turning a shade of crimson darker after every comment. after sobering from the initial embarrassment, you come to a realization.

“everyone comments those things. why does it matter tom?” he stops reading and looks caught off guard.

“i-i just think that it’s not appropriate-“ this may have been the first time you witnessed him fumbled with his words. what happened to the collected, calculated slytherin prefect?

a smile creeps onto your face.

“riddle, are you jealous?”