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You've heard of modern/immortal Geralt having a cat/dog/motorcycle named Roach in honor of his old horse but how about this;

Roach is a ancient, eldricth beast that decided young Geralt was friend-shaped and attached herself to him, taking on the form of a horse because it made the most sense and she shifts as the centuries go on to forms that raise the least amount of eyebrows.

So you get a conversation with reincarnated!Jaskier like...

Jaskier: OMG you have a cat! What's her name?

Geralt: That's Roach.

Jaskier: *deadpan* Roach. 500 years and you can't come up with a better name for your companion?

Geralt: No, that's Roach.

Jaskier: Yes darling I heard you the first time. It's still a terrible name for an animal.

Geralt: *looks at Cat!Roach* Show 'em.

Cat!Roach: *polymorphs into Horse!Roach* neigh.

Jaskier: *softly, but with feeling* what the fuck.

while I absolutely hate all these “punch Khalisah lol” jokes, I do think her interviews have a lot of comedic potential, like, she’s ABSOLUTELY a meme on Normandy. People will ask Shepard obnoxious disingenuous leading questions and she answers every time, as long as they point something at her like a microphone

Garrus, sticking a sniper rifle’s scope at Shepard after she told him to hack a lock manually without medigel: Commander Shepard, is it true that you’re refusing to let your crew use medigel because you’re illegally selling it in large quantities on the black market?

Shepard:Thank you for your question, Khalisah. While it’s true that I’m limiting the unnecessary spending of medigel, I assure you all of it is spent in help of our current crucial mission. As you know, biotics need higher calories intake than usual humans, and as I am a specialized biotic adept, I need even more calories. So to save Alliance money on buying me huge amounts of food, I simply eat medigel.

Tali, cackling: Have you considered letting your crew just do their jobs?

Shepard: While I think my subordinates really just need to get gud at doing their jobs without cheating, I am also trying to find alternative sources of calories. Currently I’m considering following an advice from my esteemed colleague Urdnot Wrex and starting to eat my enemies.

___

Joker, pointing his hat at Shepard after she agreed with Tali over him in a minor argument about space ships: Commander, can you explain why you’ve decided to betray humanity in favor of quarians?

Shepard: As you’ve mentioned yourself in several interviews we had, Khalisah, I’ve already betrayed humanity when I accepted the position of the Council’s Spectre. And to be quite honest with you, I really like how it feels. I know the quarians are not a very orthodox choice to sell your loyalties to, but I’m simply running out of options. I’ve tried geth, but they’re already engaged with my competitor Saren.

Joker: Then how come you’re still in command of the best ship the Alliance has even after disparaging it’s fleet?

Shepard: You see, Khalisah, there’s only one pilot who can handle Normandy, and between you and me, he’s absolutely insufferable and I’m the only one who can tolerate him. So it’s either me or the parking lot.

______

 Ashley, sticking her head out of Mako and pointing the tank’s canon at Shepard while Wrex and Shep are taking selfies with the dead Thresher Maw: Commander, how can you comment on animal cruelty to the endangered species?

Shepard, climbing on top of the Thresher Maw to talk directly into the canon: Not to worry, Khalisah, I have a permit for hunting and population number control!

 Ash: What permit?

 Shepard: Right here, it says “I’m a Spectre and I can do what I want”

someone, reading my writing: wow great story!

me, sticking my hands in the plotholes: thanks it has pockets :)

Patrick

Trick the players into doing your homework by passing it off as a puzzle.

pal pal palpatine, star wars’ greatest love machine

Forget-Me-Not and Grass.

Flowers for June taken from ‘Le Bouquet des Souvenirs’ by J. S. Henslow.

Published 1840 by Robert Tyas, 8, Paternoster Row.

Chicago Botanic Garden, Lenhardt Library.

archive.org

Random D&D headcanon: tieflings have enough demonic nature that pure salt feels like burning, but not enough for it to actually harm or repel them. The upshot is that for tieflings, salt really is a spice.

Vivienne: *takes off her horned headdress*

Inquisitor Adaar, softly but with feeling: what the fuck

i’m using Internet Explorer, i hope this posts quickly. happy new year 2011

#insert clever inspiration tag #i need something like this #just for the scene of someone running downstairs #and jumping through that circle #i have no idea who would do this #yet 

those were my tags when i’ve reblog this before, october 16 2016, to be precise. and now i’m sure. i have someone who would totally do this. Saen. of course it’s Saen.

still have no idea where this circle is located or who are the people holding it. but the first step to having that scene was made.

Nestled in the Rimutaka mountains at Kaitoke Regional Park, Upper Hutt, Wellington region, New Zealand.

Rhianon, for the first time in his life, makes bread. With Charlie’s assist, because she knows how to bake all kinds of baked goods. He watches how bread rises, because he has no better things to do with his life. And bread tastes amazing.

A character eats some bread

some of you have never used a tag before and it shows

According to all known laws of #neko atsume, there is no way a #dreams should be able to #fields from here to horizon.

If there’s one thing I learned since I signed up on 12/21/2013 9:27:15 PM, it’s that #i'd say it's rhianon takes up too much of my time.

In my next life I will be reborn as #pretty things.

you wouldn’t download a #neko atsume.

50% #pun appreciation, 49% #hawkeye is useful, 1% dumbass.

I regret to inform you I’m #bad pun appreciation trash.

I’m thinking about getting a hamster and naming it after #no time for warning shouts. Sound off in the replies if this is a bad idea.

that is true

The day I started posting about #just so so cute was the best day of my life.

My favorite thing about being an archer in Skyrim is when the slow motion kill cam follows the arrow and you get to sit back and watch as it just absolutely misses the target.  

Katara: aang how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?

Aang: the best revenge is letting go and living well

Katara:…

Katara: zuko how do I get-

use this generator in order to find out what kind of hogwarts professor you would be!