Patrick

Patrick

you wouldn’t download a #neko atsume.

while I absolutely hate all these “punch Khalisah lol” jokes, I do think her interviews have a lot of comedic potential, like, she’s ABSOLUTELY a meme on Normandy. People will ask Shepard obnoxious disingenuous leading questions and she answers every time, as long as they point something at her like a microphone

Garrus, sticking a sniper rifle’s scope at Shepard after she told him to hack a lock manually without medigel: Commander Shepard, is it true that you’re refusing to let your crew use medigel because you’re illegally selling it in large quantities on the black market?

Shepard:Thank you for your question, Khalisah. While it’s true that I’m limiting the unnecessary spending of medigel, I assure you all of it is spent in help of our current crucial mission. As you know, biotics need higher calories intake than usual humans, and as I am a specialized biotic adept, I need even more calories. So to save Alliance money on buying me huge amounts of food, I simply eat medigel.

Tali, cackling: Have you considered letting your crew just do their jobs?

Shepard: While I think my subordinates really just need to get gud at doing their jobs without cheating, I am also trying to find alternative sources of calories. Currently I’m considering following an advice from my esteemed colleague Urdnot Wrex and starting to eat my enemies.

___

Joker, pointing his hat at Shepard after she agreed with Tali over him in a minor argument about space ships: Commander, can you explain why you’ve decided to betray humanity in favor of quarians?

Shepard: As you’ve mentioned yourself in several interviews we had, Khalisah, I’ve already betrayed humanity when I accepted the position of the Council’s Spectre. And to be quite honest with you, I really like how it feels. I know the quarians are not a very orthodox choice to sell your loyalties to, but I’m simply running out of options. I’ve tried geth, but they’re already engaged with my competitor Saren.

Joker: Then how come you’re still in command of the best ship the Alliance has even after disparaging it’s fleet?

Shepard: You see, Khalisah, there’s only one pilot who can handle Normandy, and between you and me, he’s absolutely insufferable and I’m the only one who can tolerate him. So it’s either me or the parking lot.

______

 Ashley, sticking her head out of Mako and pointing the tank’s canon at Shepard while Wrex and Shep are taking selfies with the dead Thresher Maw: Commander, how can you comment on animal cruelty to the endangered species?

Shepard, climbing on top of the Thresher Maw to talk directly into the canon: Not to worry, Khalisah, I have a permit for hunting and population number control!

 Ash: What permit?

 Shepard: Right here, it says “I’m a Spectre and I can do what I want”

someone, reading my writing: wow great story!

me, sticking my hands in the plotholes: thanks it has pockets :)

i’m using Internet Explorer, i hope this posts quickly. happy new year 2011

I’m thinking about getting a hamster and naming it after #no time for warning shouts. Sound off in the replies if this is a bad idea.