pfp by @nintyfourpages
239 posts
Nightshadesys - Such A Pretty Poison Garden - Tumblr Blog
One of the most important things to unpack and unlearn when you’re part of a white supremacy saturated society (i.e. the global north) and especially if you were raised in an intensified form of it (evangelicism, right wing politics, explicit racism) is the urge to punish and take revenge.
It manifests in our lives all the time and it is inherently destructive. It makes relationships and interactions adversarial for no good reason. It undermines cooperation and good civic order. It worsens some types of crime. It creates trauma, especially in children.
Imagine approaching unexpected or unacceptable behavior from a perspective of "how can this be stopped, and prevented" instead of "you’re going to regret this!”
Imagine dealing with a problem or conflict from the perspective of “how can this be solved in a way that is just and restorative” instead of “the people who caused this are going to pay.”
How much would that change you? How much would that have changed for you?
tshirts that say shit like "I ❤️ PICKING AT OLD WOUNDS" "I ❤️ REPEATING THE CYCLE" "I ❤️ CHANGING FOR THE WORSE" but instead of a heart there's a snake devouring its own tail
sunday and robin headcanons 🕊
cw: mentions of religious grooming, manipulation, and abuse
1. sunday felt immense guilt as he wavered from believing in the harmony into believing in the order for being a "traitor" and so he would pray penance everyday, not because he wanted to be forgiven (he felt beyond it), but because he felt immense anxiety over being punished for his "sin" specifically through something bad happening to robin. the day he missed his prayers, robin got shot.
looking back now, perhaps his plan failing had also been part of his punishment. but he also worries that ena may see it fit to punish him as well due to his failure. so he prays even harder now out of his fear for robin's safety.
2. because sunday was the more sensitive child but still always sidelined his needs for robin, robin developed her strong sense of will and self out of firming up her resolve in order to be a grounding presence for sunday, and also out of feeling pressured to be the "perfect idol and sister" worthy of her brother's sacrifice and love for her
3. sunday suffers from chronic pain on his hands similar to the presentation of stigmata.
4. gopher wood was the type of parent figure who made sunday's mistakes into opportunities to sermon him about morality and sin; he never punished sunday directly but would manipulate sunday this way through emphasizing his sinfulness and feeding his guilt so that sunday would end up seeking punishment or atonement himself. he also constantly praised robin over sunday to put pressure on her to pursue greater career heights that would isolate sunday from her while establishing to sunday his lack of worth in comparison to her to worsen his self-sacrificial tendencies.
5. robin mentions that she couldn't hear their mother's song during the disaster that took her life but sunday could. unbeknownst to robin, it's the song he used to sing to her as a lullaby. when she was shot, he made sure to sing it to her again while she was recovering.
6. robin is the one who kills the bugs for them because sunday can't even look at them.
7. sunday hates not being without gloves and especially avoids touching people he isn't close to without them. robin is one of the few people he doesn't feel anxious touching without gloves.
8. robin has an official celebrity fragrance that she was invited to assist in the formulation of. she specially requested that the fragrance have tea notes meant to resemble the tea sunday is fond of; she felt a signature fragrance designed for her could not be complete without a symbol of his part in her life.
9. robin has extremely broad music tastes and listens to everything, but she typically composes songs meant to fit her image as an idol.
10. sunday says harsh words when angry while robin gives a cold shoulder when angry.
11. robin is very used to compliments and even flirtatious remarks due to her career and thus doesn't fluster easily. she's also become good at sensing who's being genuine and who's just trying to pander. sunday on the other hand is unexpectedly bashful in the face of forward interest and doesn't quite know how to respond to flirting.
12. the reason robin has such strong a strong belief in human kindness started from witnessing how kind and selfless sunday always was growing up together
more hsr doots, just having fun figuring out their shapes :)
A one page HSR comics I did about Stelle and the crew. I really dig the trash panda as a main character.
I just finished Penacony and now I wanna draw ten million Fireflies.
There’s two ways we fake claim ourselves and I’m curious to see if other people do the same.
The first way is the most obvious, convincing ourself that we’re not a system, that our alters are made up and that we don’t have DID.
The second way is being convinced we have DID but that our Alters are all made up and we don’t have information about the actual alters of our system. (Ex. In our system we have Aspen James and Salem, if these alters were just made up, but there are alters in our system that are undiscovered and not made up.)
I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way as the second one, but it’s a weird thing to think about.
Shout out to people who are plural for "weird reasons"
Loneliness
Internet access
Illness
"everyday stress"
Bullying
Emotionally unavailable parents
Hoarding
Poverty
Gaslighting
Psychosis
Drug use
Perceived risk of abuse (no active abuse)
Neurodivergency
"gifted kid"
Lying
Etc.
You are just as valid as those with textbook traumas and we love you <3
- Tobie
i dont think i will ever forgive what the internet did to DID because please explain to me how "your sense of self is so torn apart you think youre multiple people" turned into "youre actually multiple people"
do you understand what i mean? please understand what i mean
-don't tell Stelle she's hot -why? -she'll snap out of it immidiately
you guys are weird about fictives with problematic sources. you guys are weird about fictives with no source separation. you guys are weird about fictives with complete source separation. you guys are weird about fictives with partial source separation. you guys are weird about fictives who’s source is a comfort for them and their system. you guys are weird about fictives. you guys are weird
Yet another thing I don't see talked about in the DID community: the host anxiety of letting go of front.
Obviously it doesn't happen to every system, as some systems don't even have a host; but can we talk about the fear and anxiety about potentially never coming back to front if you fully let go, as a host? I dealt with it for a year and a half until I was able to actually start letting go and sitting off front for long periods of time. But there were times when 5 minutes off front fully caused me panic attacks.
This fear especially comes when you are a baby (newly discovered) system. This feeling that you built a life for yourself, and suddenly, you feel like you'll lose it to other people. And it's not that you want it all for yourself, but losing it entirely is what's scary. And there is usually a whole inner world behind you... who knows what happens inside of it, what it can do, who lives there? As well as, it's scary to let go of control of events IRL. Who knows how others would handle it, even if you know them well already?
And that's just our reasons.
Moral of the story: y'all are not alone, and it gets better.
-host
I can't say I love you. But know in my final moments, I wanted you, craved you.
I'm sorry for leaving you.
thank the alter who did the homework. tell the alter who cooked how much you liked the food. tell the alters who shower and clean your room and work out and drive home how much you appreciate them keeping things together, and tell them more when they mess up, because it's all about being there for each other.
This is my fan translation of Kairi Seidouitusei Shougai no Chiguhagu na Hibi by Tokin! I love this manga so much. It’s a wonderful autobiography about DID and a representation with a tone we don’t usually get in English. Tokin-sensei gave me permission to translate the prologue and share it with an English audience because I know so many people would want to read it! I am not going to translate the entire text, but I do really really want to encourage people to submit it in this month’s Seven Seas interest survey!! Please help support Tokin-sensei’s wonderful work!
(Submitting with the Japanese title I wrote above or a link to this post would be best for clarity, my English title is not a literal translation)