Sometimes I Desire Penitence.

Sometimes I desire penitence.

Suffering.

And everything forces me to joy.

Why can't I be melancholic? Is it a sin? Is it so bad?

I want to mourn. Is it a sin? To mourn over Him?

He's alive. He's beside the Father.

But I can't mourn? Over His divine sacrifice.

I struggle to express my feelings. That's tough. I need to get better, I need to tell my psychologist what happens to me, I need help.

It's just hard to explain, to translate my heart.

I wish I was more feminine... I still don't know what a woman is, but I was placed here, so I should at least understand.

I'm a girl, I know. Yet I don't feel like one.

I am a sinner.

The worst of them.

Judas himself.

I have to get ready for mass but I'm still feeling terrible.

I know He doesn't mind. Or I hope He doesn't mind.

I'm still a sinner, but I'll at least go see Him. Communion will be depressing this time. But I'll cheer up soon. Perhaps.

I didn't eat much today. Just a couple of breads, two slices of cake and fruits.

I'm worried that my mum might try to get me to eat. She tried to do it just now.

Oh, dear body. Please, stay strong and deny the weight.